Ep. 112 | 2 Bears, 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

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Time to hang out in the cave with the 2 bears: Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer! Bert starts this episode with deciding he's going to drink today, and figured it's not fair only uppity non-woke women get to be called Karen... he wants to figure out names for the rest of the spectrum of dumb people. Are you a Liam? We watch the classic viral video of the girl getting hit in the head with a shovel and see what the ladies are up to today. Bert shares a story of when he got a bad concussion in college and we try to figure out how much it's affected him in the present. The bears take a look at some personalized content from ASMR Maddy and go down a whole ASMR rabbit hole. We hear about Bert's experience watching UFC 268 at Madison Square Garden with Justin Gaethje and Rose Namajunas, which leads us to look into the best looking fighters and watch the Joe Schilling altercation at the bar.
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[@eurotriper]

The immediate laughter from Tom as soon as the girl starts crying 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@andrestein6022]

Not gonna lie, I laughed just as hard at the same moment and thought "oh, guess I'm deranged too"

[@northeastslingshot1664]

Aaaaaahaaaaahaaaaaaaaaa

[@Christopher-md7tf]

That's what's so disturbing: He doesn't laugh when the girl gets hit, but only when she starts crying

[@northeastslingshot1664]

@@Christopher-md7tf says "great dad"

[@johnnycisneros8722]

He starts laughing again at the exact same time when they watch it again

[@Shrapnel92]

"Why am I crazy though?" "I'll never quit drinking." "I tell strangers how to cut steak" "It's Kool-Aid" "You think we could have sex with Adriana Chechik?" "Hooters needs to be trashier" "I ate like 8 cheeseburgers last night." "Why can't I lose weight?" The mad ramblings of Burnt Chrysler

[@comicenthusiast]

"I feel like I might be talking too much"

[@Shrapnel92]

@@comicenthusiast once again he acknowledges his inanity for a few seconds but then does NOTHING to improve or correct himself 😅

[@ADPax10]

Honestly, if I were him, I'd be afraid of treating too many of my addictions/idiosyncrasies too hard, because I'm a public figure and comedian, and that's how people know me (and why some fans like me)

[@sentientcardboarddumpster7900]

@@Shrapnel92 it's because Bert thinks if he acknowledges a fault, that's addressing it

[@auraglasswerks4900]

I heard that’s one smelly cave!

[@ASMRMaddy]

UH-Hundred percent geeked to be here 😳 Next up...chugging a gallon of Kool Aid ASMR😜

[@justintriplett6885]

Definite Samson!

[@deanrosenberg7079]

She really gets it! Haha I love this

[@ASMRMaddy]

My friends would call me a Christina 😂 I was freaking out at that part!

[@justintriplett6885]

I know what I'm watching every morning from now on. For God sake!

[@suckadush]

Hi Maddy I’ve been a huge fan of your Videos for literally years now and been a YMH fan for even longer so this is a crazy coincidence 😅 this is unreal 🤪

[@yourenotrelatable]

“I bet she has an only fans!” Turns out he’s right lol

[@Im.a.cat.]

Tom's face looked like he was made of wood, but then he heard a girl's panicked crying and he came to life with uncontrollable joy.🌠🌈

[@danielcooper9899]

*3 minutes into the podcast* Nobody: Burnt: “Fuck it, I’m going to drink.”

[@SullyReviews5000]

He’s like “I’ve had a day”. Even though it just started. LMAO

[@davidkuehnen3339]

Seems that "Bert" is the alcoholic who won't admit it.

[@Prod_D]

Na he just drinks a lot I think...

[@toxicbreez4277]

Burnt

[@_brockj]

Bert: *notices his concussion story is getting a good reaction from Tom* Also Bert: *proceeds to make up 3 more stories about getting concussions*

[@armagedon3on3]

That's was fucking bad man. He changed his story every 6 seconds

[@vinnya99]

This went from the funniest podcast conversations to “Berts Pod of Lists and Google Searches” it is the worst 😵‍💫

[@billiegoat1540]

At the end of each year they should do an episode with all of Bert’s ideas he doesn’t do and see if he remembers any!

[@PaulWTaber-zd8ds]

I nominate this for the comment Hall of Fame. Seriously. Great phuckin idea.

[@kyleanderson6790]

Why not each episode?

[@andrestein6022]

This definitely should be called original thoughts hahaha

[@andrewkoly]

Thank you for this comment. Nadav you better steal this idea and brand it like your own. The way you made Tom and Christina think that you titled the videos “man uses chest infection as instrument”. Multiple times Tom spoke so highly of you that you came up with that title and those of us who know, know Nadav has zero original thoughts

[@tomcollins2679]

Wat?

[@breadlytoasted]

Burnt talking about how his alcoholism started after a traumatic brain injury was a pretty low and loose revelation.

[@ryandouglas1188]

his origin story

[@jssytvrs]

More like his pour again story

[@groomedtodie]

He accidentally stumbled into a repressed memory of the most significant event in his life. And then he pushed it back down.

[@D-Fens_1632]

It really is remarkable how they think he's a superhuman and it's not going to catch up with him. Give it a few years.

[@ADPax10]

@@groomedtodie This was exactly my thought!! Fuck dude, nothing more real than some of these podcasts. I wish these were around when I was in high school

[@bakbukasmr]

Thanks for featuring me guys! Such a nice surprise😂 I also do ASMR in French, English and Spanish😜 1:00:22

[@icecadder8644]

Bert: Tom, she's rubbing your hand. Tom: It feels good.... 🤣🤣🤣

[@sshuggi]

11:07 Of course, Tom's first true laugh of the video is laughing at someone's cries of anguish.

[@giddy-jv9gr]

I am not surprised. Tom is a confirmed axe murderer.

[@brannonwalsh676]

That Two Bears notification at 9:00AM every Monday really turns me into a telescope.

[@gabrielsanford7914]

Gonna get ya charged up

[@giddy-jv9gr]

OooooWEEE

[@jssytvrs]

Didn't even phase me you guys get it at 9 am, west coast best coast. Come on touch my camera through the timezones

[@drewcookies]

@@jssytvrs east coast chomos

[@JamisonGallagher]

These guys really into pegging?

[@EwokPanda]

Anyone else astonished Brent made it an entire episode without mentioning anything about "coming out as fat"?

[@Gray-om1bj]

Wasn’t that like 2 episodes

[@Cloudroth]

Finding out Bert has a traumatic brain injury really connects all the dots, oh man.

[@MrKYLEforAwhile]

Toms face when Bert says,"She's not 14 anymore." lol

[@CJJC42]

Pretty weird he keeps calling kids attractive. Don’t expect much less from brunt though

[@WagonerVT]

jsjfsjfjjdflkasjlkfjas

[@LukeT84]

Tom laughing at violence will never not make me laugh.

[@ryane397]

I like how Bert tries to blame his issues on concussions, but doesn't acknowledge that alcoholism might be the real issue.

[@jakewilliamson1186]

never get rid of the guys laughing in the back ground lmao🤣😂

[@pettis1228]

I hope the Machine does well enough to get a sequel so we can hear Tom again.

[@WickedSpade]

Straight up I miss when Tom had guests each week.

[@RazagalArtanis]

Doubt it, they'll still be on Stitcher then.

[@ticaljarvis]

Brilliant comment 🔥🤙

[@thabrownieviking]

Tim laughing immediately after the girl starts crying is confirming some things we've all suspected

[@PsychoBeast017]

Nah bro the way she just starts crying like a baby after acting all tough is hilarious😂😂not even the first time watching the video but hearing that cry in the car really hit different

[@thabrownieviking]

@@PsychoBeast017 lmao good point. No matter what it's funny as hell and has to be top 10 OG meme videos for me.

[@nickdaboii]

He does this about once a month at least on YMH

[@PsychoBeast017]

@@thabrownieviking That’s like Top 10 OG KZbin video Lol before memes were even a thing

[@AdamAdam-le3pm]

discovering shovel girl. another reason to love this podcast

[@rileyeckstrom3617]

This episode was like watching both my grandfathers have a conversation

[@giddy-jv9gr]

Bret blanking out mid-speech makes me feel good enough about myself to start the week. Daddy Lalaslow

[@terryfold656]

I think Burnt is still suffering from that concussion in college.

[@probablynot879]

Still suffering from anxiety he got after taking MDMA Once, rather than the booze he’s drinking everyday

[@jusdrewit]

Brett: I don't know how I found her... Tommy: I think I have a couple ideas lolol I died 😂😂😂

[@joeyd4888]

Sometimes I wake up feeling a little R-worded but then I listen to Burt trying to formulate a sentence and I feel Uh-Hundred percent better about my self

[@smwad7103]

That ASMR segment of this episode should have been in the heavy segment of a live show they were by far the most unsettling videos I’ve ever been subject to on this channel and the first time I’ve had to fast foreword past something in a YMH Studio production.

[@SilverDOMO192837]

i would rather watch the tree trimming aftermath on repeat

[@birdette79]

Heavy ffw segment for me 😬

[@DerekRuggia]

the lady is horrifying

[@MilesSzkoda]

I would rather have participated in the heavy segment videos than listened to the ASMR segment here.

[@fredrechidmyleg]

That last live show was traumatizing but I watched all of it. ASMR immediately gets skipped over

[@Steven-uk4fh]

“You hear the rainfall” fucking TOOK me out 😂😂😂

[@Chummer01]

Bert is so tiktok’d. How can you not remember the names of people you interact with but can remember the definition of the name from the list you just came up with in 30 mins

[@T.M1980]

This episode was weird. Tom looks suicidal, and Bert has gone full Ernest Hemingway.

[@xXgaucho]

After 112 episodes, Brat finally realizes he talks too much 🤣

[@penniewyatt9391]

Brief moment of clarity.

[@8thlvlMage]

And then promptly forgets and never does anything to change.

[@sammybananas]

"She's got my Dad on her cup." I hear you Bert lololol

[@brendanfink7076]

Tim and Bret watching the ASMR videos was one of my favorite two bears moments lately

[@mikecost6881]

Paddy whispering ASMR sounds a lot like an evil wizard casting a spell on a sleeping child

[@wetcrumb2191]

Evil J magic

[@willleaton2827]

Dr Drew actually interviewed the girl who got hit with the shovel. Tom has got to talk to him about that 😂

[@digitalsalsas]

fascinating world building

[@jonathanbrattle5409]

Bert calling Nadav, “ullaundav,” made my day.

[@toddconley3245]

“My Dad is on the cup” lolol

[@justinsteranka1]

I would actually at this point genuinely like to hear more from Tim

[@Pokerdude38]

Is that the one that isn't Beet? I thought he was mute for the past 2 years...

[@asmrglow]

Someone told me I was mentioned here hahaha omg you basically watched me struggle in French that was embarrassing but yall should definitely do an episode whispering or soft speaking 👀

[@3rdeyealive]

You saying “ hey big guy” for starting off affirmations to Bart really made me smile and laugh 😂 I’ve never understood asmr until I saw abs listened to you on this episode 😩🤣

[@ChipChocolatePR]

@@3rdeyealive SHE NOT THE GIRL THAT SAID THAT LOL

[@RandomGlow444]

@@3rdeyealive lol noooo. She’s the French one! 😅😅

[@3rdeyealive]

@@RandomGlow444 oh hahaha whoops. Well hey ASMR is for listening, I can’t tell who’s who 🤣

[@ajones5683]

Please don’t 😅

[@onemanriot100]

Watching Bert's face when they were reviewing the symptoms of CTE was priceless.

[@Buaam]

Asmr gives me chills starting from the back of my head, runs down my neck and spreads all over my back and sides. It happens in waves and becomes unbearable quickly, I can't endure it for long at all.

[@SSGBWolverine]

Starting at 10:38 you get to witness Tom going from "oh shit" to hysterically laughing the instant the girl starts to cry, and that's why we love him!

[@kristianwitt6417]

This episode proves my love for these guys, struggling through that ASMR shit was painful.

[@mrs.h2725]

Had to skip. ASMR makes me cringe so hard my stomach hurts now 🤢

[@richardgonzalez6396]

I thought I was the only one!!! So cringy. Couldn't listen to it

[@skullcrackers187]

Also skipped though it.

[@meg7570]

I skipped through it and then it started back up a bit later so I turned it off. I simply cannot handle it. That shit makes my skin crawl 😖 Props to you for making it through.

[@newbowler_7669]

Agreed. Not a fan of ASMR at all. Never even heard of it until this episode.

[@jimboslice4468]

Can’t stop laughing at the blank expressions whilst the other reads out a number and gets bleeped out lol

[@bback4072]

Joe Schilling’s shirt says “ Ring Cage Parking lot” as in he’ll fight you in a ring, cage or parking lot. And that dude tried to make him flinch lmao

[@mykmcgrane]

"I feel like I might be talking too much." Bert coming awake....

[@62NOOBKILLA]

When that red head girl saw that other girl pick up the shovel: "Oh shit alright I'm leaving!" 😂😂😂

[@andrestein6022]

Not fast enough lol

[@mrs.h2725]

That scene is just an average Tuesday afternoon in trailer parks across 'merica. Miranda works, but the one I think of that just can't help but fight everyone is Tracey.

[@sicroyalty]

@@mrs.h2725 in Western/Finger Lakes, NY we call that a Tiffany or a Shay Lynn (or however they try to spell it that day)

[@Grinchillah]

If that shovel hit at an angle 📐 😂😅

[@chadeichner751]

Funny how the redhead says "dont hit me in the face, are you crazy"? After she proceeded to hit the brunette multiple times in the face.

[@garrettnewman7438]

After this move to Sirius, is KZbin donezo? Low and loose tbh if it is.

[@ebsonri]

losing it to bert's asmr videos "hey big boy" LOL

[@SuperLyricalgenius]

Never forget when Bret gave us the gem " Violence solves all answers"

[@SullyReviews5000]

Problems

[@SuperLyricalgenius]

@@SullyReviews5000 @ 6:39

[@nickdaboii]

Such a randy

[@turnerbecker7]

Toms laughter at other peoples pain and suffering is what gets me through the day

[@Promitheos]

I love this friendship so much. Too funny. thanks dudes. Makes me miss my homies.

[@emclovin6962]

I feel like I’m trying to keep up in a beginners algebra class with all of the names. I love it.

[@Danny-ko4zl]

Listening to these guys enjoy two girls battling with a shovel is making my morning 😭🤣😂.

[@henryrubio8904]

Bert finally realizing he talks to much is hilarious af !

[@EVAASIVEOne]

Wait This is an episode I can enjoy bc hes self reflecting?

[@angelsilva7287]

He’s coked up

[@galactus9625]

Bert with peacock Ad :"Let me read this verbatum" ... immediately messes up and reads world instead of word lol

[@mikebrogen2709]

These 2 remind me of my best friend Jason & I so much, the sense of humor is just spot on. We've been best friends since we were 12, and when Tom immediately starts laughing at the girl getting hit with the shovel I genuinely could not stop laughing because when that video came out Jason & I must have rewatched it 15x laughing our asses off

[@nickhagin7825]

I've watched every heavy segment of every ymh live, and that kid sucking on the ear microphone was by far the worst thing ever shown on this show.

[@slunkling9794]

like the last 10 episodes,you can physically SEE Tom check out and start thinking about what he has to do after the podcast,at about 45 minutes every week. Its kind of a drag hearing him go "oh yeah...yup,sure is Bert" like he has better places to be

[@Gray-om1bj]

I think you heavily mis-interpreted their friendship

[@somelamp-posts9567]

Tom's face reacting to the ASMR is priceless lol. Watched it over and over laughing so hard lol

[@dustinharvey5393]

That opening clip is perfect! Bert: I feel like I'm talking too much A hundred percent!

[@worldssickestmedia2713]

This is usually my favorite podcast. I listened to this one today during a two hour drive. Was kinda pondering crashing my truck into something before I realized I can just pull over and turn it off or change it. The name game mixed in with Berts inner gayness went on forever.

[@PECR1103]

from "i got beat up once" to "personality changing brain injury", Bert going from 0 to savage pretty fast, although it explains a lot...

[@rcnyoplait]

Then he said he would fight a ufc champion. I guess he wants another concussion

[@josef2012]

CTE's a helluva drug.

[@jalrebass]

I think we just got Bert's origin story.

[@marcuswhenit]

Everyone laughing in the background at the asmr part was the funniest thing ever

[@coltonharner1364]

As someone with post concussion syndrome in nursing school it’s really encouraging to see my favorite comedians talk about something really relatable to me

[@jeffreyhobson8481]

Got a son on the way in 12 weeks, we've been strugglin with the name. Liam was on the top of my wife's list, and I don't like it. This episode couldn't have come at a better time.

[@Foxx3699]

Conald!

[@dancygr]

Liam is a great name

[@Lucas.Sobry44]

You guys nailed it with the "Derek." Anyone named Derek is an absolute menace.

[@Ryan-nj5ue]

thats rich coming from a lucas

[@MattMcLeod6]

@@Ryan-nj5ue beat me to it lmaoooo

[@themoscowcoupattempt]

I agree.

[@MiracleChips]

@@Ryan-nj5ue typical for a Ryan to point fingers.

[@Dshields602]

Damn dog I had to stop throwing eggs at an orphanage just to reply to this and say you’re wrong!!!!!

[@WilsonVidz]

This is my number one episode by far. Ive seen every episode and the one of asmr is so relaxing! Thank you Nidav DO MORE?

[@voklahoma7208]

bert:” do you like …” tom:”YEA”

[@zathryzzyrhtaz5197]

Bert resembles a St. Bernard on meth, the way he holds his head while watching clips and looks back & forth between Tom & the clips. Good Boy !!

[@Greeneyedghost2020]

I pictured Bert crying like Shovel Girl when he got German Suplexed 😆

[@yazzystyles]

“Put in ‘hot guy ASMR!’” Tom Segura’s breath patterns doing ad reads= hot guy ASMR for me.

[@PENGTWINKIE]

I always put these guys on Sunday night after work. Always gotta watch the official post though. Best ad reads in the game

[@nosaj666]

No joke it’s hard watching Barf spiral down. He will for real not live much longer

[@CJJC42]

Hopefully them tom can talk

[@ohwhale1552]

He’s fine

[@timdegraw1784]

I think you're right

[@andrewfaramphotography]

Tom and Bert need to ask Drew about shovel girl cause he interviewed her on HLN

[@Mnglkrmps]

And Bruce called it, she does have an OF

[@petercarlson5261]

Tom going for his headphones while not taking his eyes off the screen for a second lmao

[@DeadliestRoyer]

I love how much joy Tom gets from violence 😂

[@Lapointe_423]

ASMR Chick Bert: I don't know where I found here. Tom: I have a couple ideas! lmao

[@DruTheMonster]

These get harder and harder to watch man. Tom is getting a purple heart and a nobel peace prize for babysitting Bart every week. "Spread the WORLD you friggen turds"

[@whanauof5]

Agreed. I couldn’t get through the names. Wasn’t funny to me.

[@nostalgiajuana]

100%

[@Mysticfob]

Tom doesn't even need to be there really

[@anubuxjoe5433]

Fuck. Felt exactly the same listening to this one.

[@FirinMahLazer1]

@@whanauof5 The name bit was lame and the ASMR was awful. This one was just plain bad. I think the flying back and forth is killing it the show.

[@juice2620]

10:43 Tom is only amused once she starts wailing in pain lmao

[@binks7831]

FUN FACT: The name Randy orginated in 1969 when voice actor Don Messick said "Andy" in season 1, episode 8 of Scooby-Doo, Where Are You! As the voice of.... SCOOBY-DOO!

[@EightBitJosh]

"I dunno I got there and I talked to like 4 Joshes and left." That shit killed me ahaha

[@themonopolyguy4365]

Ah yes, how we’ve all turned Bart’s obvious cry for help into his character.

[@pattypmusic2487]

46:55 I like how he where’s no shoes during the podcast and asks about being to comfy to talk lol

[@sinister906]

I think this podcast has run its course... Even Todd looks bored.

[@BadGoyz4Life]

Yeah now it takes me days to get through an episode but I mainly watch for Bert's insane ramblings

[@nickmeyer238]

6:56 A name for someone who uses violence to solve problems.... Randy. Yep. South Park was spot on. Randy V. BatDad. Thought this was America!

[@andrewroling8111]

Another one to make Mondays not suck. Thanks Tim and Brent!

[@pistolpete2803]

Yeah thanks Ted and Bart

[@delaneytriezenberg5673]

well this is absolutely fucking wild, HUGE fan of y’all and never thought i’d be in one of your podcasts this is crazy. friends sent me the tiktok clip of the snoring and i thought it was spam so i didn’t click on it but then i got curious, so then i start watching and the camera turns and ITS ME?!?!! i didn’t even remember that video and didn’t even know she uploaded that lmao. that was 9 years ago!! i seriously thought i was being punked. then i realized that two of my favorite comedians were laughing at me?? entire life made.

[@atticushauser3009]

Love how it’s months later and they still have Bart’s drawing up

[@bmfrandomness1565]

Uh HUNDRED percent ready for this!

[@gabrielsanford7914]

Bart gets me charged up on a Monday! Love the energy Brent!

[@visagedry2019]

The perfect example of “we have nothing left to talk about”

[@maliciousmalicke]

An actual "LeeAnn" is someone who helps clean the needle before you put it in your arm and rubs your back as you pass out then complains about you to others lol. Enabler..

[@prasun911]

"i think i talk too much" the fat man is right at the cusp of self awareness

[@sk8legendz]

We're all just here watching Bent Skylar spiral out of control on a monday morning. 🤣

[@18Callahan]

The death watch is real.

[@shanebehringer7952]

The asmr bit was so gold lmao

[@LiftedYellowTJ]

I have an aunt sandy and uncle randy. Couldn’t be more wrong when it pertains to them lol

[@MrRHCP101]

I love that when Patty started his asmr Enny immediately ripped off his headphones.