Ep. 126 | 2 Bears, 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

[@MichaelWutsch]

Can't wait to hear you guys talk about the Oscars in 5 weeks

[@eliascardenas9104]

Deadass

[@YoMama9021]

I know! I

[@Midokun3]

@@_el_louie_213 imagine touring nearly 365 days of the year and calling someone lazy for creating content for you anyways LMFAO

[@carlosbalcazar5315]

😅😅

[@samsonfpv8902]

Ever since they started banking episodes, I don’t get as excited.

[@eddo00]

What a wild ep. When Nadav walks in and slaps Tom then yells " keep my name out ya fuckin mouth" followed by the blaring silence! Wild

[@GettingNegative]

That’s what he gets for playing that “hot sauce is the best” drop…

[@joelosteen6960]

imagine Tom being like "It was Jew joke.."

[@PismotHello]

@@joelosteen6960 Nadav Instanbul just slapped the shit outta me.

[@benking9728]

Bert: “and then Will Smith discovered me….” Too bad this wasn’t recorded today. Hahahaha.

[@arielanonymous7270]

Right! I feel bad for the amount of giddiness im experiencing thinking about bert and toms dialogue on this.

[@ctg4818]

Can't wait untill June/July to hear their take on the Will Smith Chris Rock slap

[@genore1993]

@@arielanonymous7270 tom went hard in his tweet.

[@limabean2]

@@ctg4818 and these comments a reference point lol

[@GearForce724]

What a coincidence that both Chris Rock and Will Smith were mentioned in this episode.

[@andrewhogan6533]

God that Oscars moment is going to be the gift that keeps on giving for all these comedians

[@jacklindsey9785]

Add it to their victimhood card 🤣

[@mrs.h2725]

Uh hundred percent 😂. Will gave Chris years worth of material with that one sucker punch. Also love how ppl are whining that he made fun of her medical condition. As a woman with alopecia, I can promise you that’s not why she’s mad. She’s stayed mad since the rest of the world didn’t buy her gaslighting cheater BS like Will did.

[@ryanistooconceited]

@@mrs.h2725 he got slapped, not punched, just throwing that out there.

[@seefy22]

@@mrs.h2725 yes!!

[@ryanistooconceited]

@@neotower420 are you a man talking like that? Pull ya skirt down 😂

[@8lue8erry8]

"I'm burping up from the bottom of my bowels. How often do you think Tom Cruise gets diarrhea? We should buy a bar."

[@joseiscool31]

How Bert’s mind thinks

[@Dstravs]

Burnt Krassels

[@Wnick56]

Burp koffman

[@soccerfreek07]

I’d go to “Two Bears, One Bar” at least twice, lol

[@rasengan580]

That was a train of thoughts lol

[@RPRsChannel]

*_Too bad this is recorded WEEKS in advance. There was an entanglement that happened last night I'd love your take on._*

[@mobiusbelts3607]

@@toastedjoe1013 Will’s not black.. he’s a Scientologist.

[@rams812]

straight up lol

[@serdavezilla6494]

Will "Rick James Bitch" Smith

[@carlrs15]

hey, now - it's hair business

[@ants5233]

Fake news for views I think on that 1

[@TexasHeatAudit]

I can't wait to hear Barts take on his oldest Hollywood friends Oscar controversy.

[@torontotonto6189]

its gonna take 2 months for that to come to this pod

[@johndoe-to2hv]

no backbone he will never speak of it and if they do they will bleep names

[@Zanzenite]

Bret is stuck in the middle on this one. Tom is hard in the paint on this one 🤣

[@DrDANKize]

Barts been silent about it on Twitter. Tom however……

[@supremebuffalo6322]

@@DrDANKize I dont have twitter, went and searched up Tom's after I read this. I'm glad I did haha thanks for the tip

[@SlimTimmi]

Love the podcast Bert. You and Tom should team up and do a podcast together!

[@braydenrichardson994]

"It's crazy how rapable I must be." - Bart Krishna

[@gondolaone7748]

No that's Blart Creakmoor you're quoting

[@booyahinc]

You misspelled Brent Krueger

[@BingNedRyerson]

Bart Kriplitz?

[@Kwestdaroc4]

Bruce Kershner ‼️

[@booyahinc]

Burnt Crusher?

[@robusto7735]

"I'm fucking burping up from the bottom of my bowels. How often do you think Tom Cruise have diarrhea? We should buy a bar". No joke....three consecutive Bert sentences.....you can literally see the sparkplug misfire!!!

[@Eugenia_Farms]

ha ha ha... mechanic joke..

[@klootzakke]

@50:33

[@tobyscustoms4813]

It’s not a misfire he just has the brain of a 5 year old

[@joshfranklin474]

Trust me, the older you get, you learn to ride the ADHD

[@nomnomcannon]

Bert looking like DJ Dad Mouth right now.

[@MichaelWutsch]

He's way too obsessed with hats

[@DeathInProgress]

Both those jackets are from target

[@lionsmanexx]

Needs that chain son

[@DreamEaterMusic]

Someone should do a compilation of all the times Burt has said that he was going to quit drinking/ reclaim his power.

[@vergaerd]

Surely someone has told Bert that if/when he stops drinking he's going to need to do it under medical supervision right?? I'm pretty sure a person with his drinking habits could see major complications or even die if they go cold turkey.

[@TrashCanNinja87]

Can't wait for Chris to be on podcast

[@issacwhitley5929]

ong

[@shoonger001]

Chris DiStefano already been on the show.

[@vidcarr]

Chris got Rocked

[@masterofallgoons]

He won't be, but it would be cool.

[@xrmighty]

@@shoonger001 no he hasn't.

[@edwardthompson2142]

I love how Tom just sits there and lets Brent go off the rails.

[@TheGodlyGamers]

Burnt Chrysler

[@winestore_grindcore3223]

That's the only and whole point of the show lol

[@Midnight-SpecialM2M31]

Who's Brent?? 😂😂

[@dodgersfan1]

@@winestore_grindcore3223 i never thought about that lol

[@Kav3h]

Someone like Bort you start a sentence he finished a paragraph

[@isiahgibson2775]

Every time I see Tom's hoodie... I Remember his Wu-Tang Clan joke... " you gotta protect ya neck!" lool

[@COMEDY_JUNKIE89]

“Rolling stones wrote an article about me” Is a line I’ve heard Bert say more times than I could ever count.

[@jussiniemi9560]

"Whatever I say, the opposite is actually true" Great quote from Bret!

[@thebigtobinski1448]

“Bert’s a safe place.” That is the sweetest thing ever.

[@dustinharvey5393]

Imagine having the kind of resume Samuel L Jackson has and being known as "the snakes on a plane" guy 🤦‍♂️

[@woroworo69]

i’m willing to bet Burnt just drew a blank with the name like he does every pod.

[@MrSquilla23]

😂

[@zakevans5589]

I want a Bert, blue collar comedy style special with clips in between breaking up the show of you on the road doing all the fun things you between dates

[@ceedubyuh2459]

Knowing that Will Smith slapping Chris Rock will be on an episode of YMH makes me very excited.

[@austinarnold155]

It's quite the entanglement. Ymh and the Smith family go way back.

[@Kitsune113]

We back, it’s Monday, and it’s time for some comedic relief

[@kathleenchapman3890]

Bert....this is a dark conversation. Tom...yeah, I know...grinning from ear to ear.

[@chineduogboh4594]

He’s got his hands in the back pocket of a Puerto Rican dude 😂😂😂 6:36 the delivery man i am religious with this

[@ctg4818]

Can't wait untill June/July to hear their take on the Will Smith Chris Rock slap

[@austinarnold155]

Haha

[@Madinnit09]

Hahaha seriously this is ridiculous

[@ja5304]

Really feel like we’re being setup to have blackface Burt soon

[@LimorG]

A girl can dream

[@michaelcole8999]

Yeah, why hasn't that deepfake been make. I just hope Bret passes out long enough that Tom can paint him in full blackface.

[@captianxanax]

Will Smith should get an Oscar for that acceptance performance. His speech was almost as good as Jessie Smollett's.

[@MrBuketman]

Why was he allowed back on stage? He’s a clown. The Academy was too scared to bounce him out since he’s a celebrity.

[@JesusHComedy]

@@MrBuketman I think Chris Rock called him back on stage lol

[@newsrapper]

Almost as good as his wife openly cheating on him

[@marathonhero]

@@newsrapper Exactly!!

[@gators9570]

@@MrBuketman Everything was staged

[@monkeywang9972]

Tom is going with a true Top Dog tribute with that heavy breathing into to mic for us all to remember the legend

[@mikeharding9472]

I legit can’t stop hearing it🤣🤣🤣 my first thought was how Tom kept getting on Top Dog and now he’s doing the same damn thing!

[@Myersst]

Has Tom addressed Top Dog passing?

[@manuelcruz9883]

I feel like a genius everytime I hear Bart Kristallnachts reasoning behind most things

[@chxxrlyhorse]

I've been watching/listening to your standup for at least 10 years now. It was a dream come true watching you live in Tucson. Thanks for coming to our shit hole town! ❤️

[@alexandertwagner]

The fact that bart went to the magnolia premier... id pay to hear his analysis on one of the most complex films of all time.

[@teddnagurski5583]

12:08 Tom is definitely talk about George Perez.

[@igkgigoh]

Uh hundred percent.

[@austinarnold155]

I don't thinks so because bert was surprised that the guy has been to prison.

[@igkgigoh]

@@austinarnold155 Yes, because we all know Burnt has a brain like carefully sorted filing cabinet. I don't know, but George is the only one from the guests who has done hard time.

[@LimorG]

They been saying its actually Ali Siddiq

[@walkerck]

Pretty sure it's Ali Siddiq.

[@Zeta9966]

“I’m fucking burping up from the bottom of my bowels. How often do you think Tom Cruise has diarrhea? We should buy a bar.” Brought to you by ADHD and DT

[@dash-x]

It’s definitely a fantastic example to explain ADHD thought process😹 Poor Bert. No wonder he has problems sleeping. I can empathize with anxiety circular thinking when I can’t sleep so I usually read to fall asleep. What does DT stand for ?

[@Zeta9966]

@@dash-x delirium tremens. It’s something directly related to alcoholism. It was a joke, or maybe not haha.

[@chrislaurentz8495]

Bert saying "Call me Earthquake" is an incredible line

[@numba1osufan]

Can't wait for next week when Bert says the wrong thing about Will Smith/Chris Rock

[@Berdymadafakas]

They already have 3 episodes in the can so we won't get his wrong opinion till August 😉

[@terrymead4024]

Adam Sandler and Steve Martin both standup that became superstars

[@andrewbarrett6403]

Was about to say the same thing, and Jerry Seinfeld and Robin Williams

[@kevinearley5896]

How the HELL does “I wonder how many times Tom Cruise has diarrhea?” segue immediately to “We should buy a bar!” in one breath? Only in Bert’s beautiful mad mind……

[@kinseyclay]

I'm so glad my mugshot is not on there 😂😂😂 I was definitely crying Brent but not to get out of it but cuz i was upset 😂

[@Dillonisgone]

My god Brett gives me so much anxiety but you gotta love his heart

[@LostKatamori]

10:35 Tyler1's true height exposed by Tom and Bert live on air

[@ethangaltrey6128]

I want Chris distefano on the pod with you guys think your dynamic would be great

[@Wildoddity]

hes been on YMH with Christina n Tom but him with bert and Tom would be nice

[@JayMac]

Funny you say that, Tom ran into him on the street in NY today then shouted him out on Pat Macfees show today lol

[@yoitsvic1126]

Burr is a superstar.

[@luisattack]

Make sure to tune in April 28th to hear Bart stick up for the man who found him in Hollywood!

[@707romo707]

Tom and Bernts comedy is so different. I laugh at Tom’s jokes and I laugh at Bernt.

[@richardwaller4223]

Her eyebrows look like a hawk taking a turn in midair. That shit. Was hilarious. 😂

[@lizgleason5106]

Robin Williams! No-one was bigger back in the day and continued standup.

[@scottstalcup9530]

It's funny how you guys say that they're not famous celebrities. I love everyone affiliated with your mom's house podcast. you guys are my favorite people and Id rather meet all y'all before I'd ever want to meet Brad Pitt. In my eyes you guys are the best kind of celebrities you're somebody real that we can associate with and have a conversation with and I appreciate it.

[@sissyofFreemont]

A hunnnnnnndred percent

[@tylerjohnson6373]

I’m still taking brad Pitt

[@jeremiahbachmann3901]

Walk-in closets and a 911 in the driveway seems like rich shit to me.

[@DakotaisBeast295101]

@@jeremiahbachmann3901 exactly, fart plays broke so hard even though he's loaded.

[@PismotHello]

they're the kind who arent out of touch just yet

[@Dalby1617]

I have such bad adhd that Bert’s adhd throws me off to the point that I’ve rewound Bert’s Oliver Stone story 5 or 6 times now and I havent comprehended a single point.

[@JDR345MX]

I feel like this podcast just covered a lot of stuff we already know

[@isiahhilton1115]

My favorite thing about their podcast is that they always said I love you to each other when they finish up and end the episode.

[@happybirthdayyyy]

I bought Bert’s sweater for my gf from target, I love how humble he is.

[@a.k.4o]

Delirious is the greatest hour special by far. No questions

[@timmyneutron7411]

No way in hell Bruce just called Samuel L Jackson “snakes on a plane guy” this man officially has wet brain 😂😂😂

[@kingbenjamin92]

"How often do you think Tom Cruise has diarrhea, we should get a bar." is the best sentence I've ever heard anyone say! 🤣🤣🤣

[@EvilLin_78]

Hoodies on point fellas!! Happy Monday!

[@aerialauble2322]

The fact that Will Smith & Chris Rock were both mentioned in this episode which I know was recorded at least over a month ago is great. I can't wait to hear their take on the "entanglement " that happened between the 2 😂

[@Madkalibyr]

Aw, Bart was a sensitive guy friend and it’s awesome

[@treetrain]

Berty boy!! See you in Brooklyn Thursday! Thank you for comin' to New Yawk! So lookin' forward to this!!

[@andrestein6022]

Tom saw Will Smith hit Chris and got flashbacks to the barista from Starbucks he murdered

[@andrestein6022]

@emcee lama hawk then yeah, we know

[@andrestein6022]

@emcee lama hawk then I'm not expecting to hear about it from them today, and they don't read the comments. It's obviously for the other mommies. You must be real fun at a party bub

[@ENigma-um8zw]

The 9th Annual ‘On Cinema at the Cinema: Oscars Special’ was so good the year

[@lejamesbron4055]

Bart for the 126th episode in a row: “I’m going to stop drinking and get so healthy”

[@xbocax16]

That earthquake special may have been one of the most underwhelming specials I’ve ever seen. I don’t see the hysteria about it.

[@a.davidh]

Tom just going through the motions while yawning - par for the course

[@Sinclair_USMC]

Burnt Chrimsler went overboard on the beard dye 🐈‍⬛

[@michaelhart8567]

I love how they bleeped it but he was told that story on YMH.

[@DakotaisBeast295101]

Who was it?

[@thestraydog]

Probably either Danny Brown or George Perez. My guess is George

[@SSGBWolverine]

I think it's Ali Siddiq. I remember that story and the Mexican got on boots joke.

[@zackturner6767]

I think they don’t wanna say it or who it is but on ymh it was them telling their own story

[@StBonaventure07]

I thought it was Ali Siddiq

[@PopsDadd38]

Can't wait for Brett to talk about the slap heard around the Oscars, an gotta love when the pod starts off with stories we've heard before

[@The.Adam.D]

….she’s human, you know she could be watching. 🤣🤣🤣 Bert never fails me

[@whatwhat9599]

Real cool that the volume isnt limited at all

[@Kroesprtobaggan]

My earphones blow off when burp‘s having his high pitched screams laughter every time 🤪

[@nickrod5471]

This episode should be called “Please bleep this out too” lol

[@johnnycashew9101]

37:46 Bert laughed like Christina 50:41 I'm sampling that.

[@huk-uf7ut]

every episode my disdain for bert grows immensely.

[@virus56777]

3:35. The girls. Loved it. 24/7.

[@nickmataruso3905]

bart: *starts panicking meeting any celebrity* ...... When i was 22 i got involved with the Russian mafia heres how

[@jaredblock212]

The last 1-2 minutes of this podcast is literally why it’s better than any celebrity podcast

[@ericb2k12]

59:33 I love how aware Tom Segura is talking about how she is connected to the Cartel and realizing he lives close to the border now 😅🤐

[@goodbuddy316]

He lived closer in LA.

[@ericb2k12]

@@goodbuddy316 did he lol I feel like Texas has more cartel living there

[@doesntmakeadent6033]

He should be way less worried in Austin then LA.

[@ericb2k12]

@@doesntmakeadent6033 naa not at all he should be way more worried anywhere in Texas

[@jpmotovlogs996]

@@ericb2k12 Texas you can take care of the problem and protect yourself

[@ENigma-um8zw]

50:34 “I’m Fucking Burping Up From The Bottom of My Bowels “ -Burp Kreischer

[@mattmcgovern2961]

The first 5 minutes of this felt like a highlight reel..

[@death4904]

"What are you in for?" "Err I shared a thought" 😆 🤣 😂

[@megyskermike]

Who cares about the Oscar's, jeez people, stop giving them exactly what they want. Let's talk about the actual train wreck we're watching now that keeps giving.

[@asnyd44]

Tom cutting off Bert talking about the narcos girl was amazing.

[@frankjerardenno2678]

Burnt should open with " I think Tom cruise is a genourus lover"

[@hellglaser3450]

Tom cruise fucks fish

[@RJamesBaphomet1988]

Bart: " she's a human and like...we could be talking to her" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🥳🥳🥳🥳

[@josef2012]

Ah,the joys of stale,weeks-old conversations.Great Job!

[@milesmccue9388]

They live in different sections of the country be grateful they make this happen at all

[@crashfistfight]

@@milesmccue9388 ya who cares if it’s good or relevant? They’re comedians they don’t have to try we should just be thankful that they even attempt to make any kind of content why should it be good?

[@milesmccue9388]

@@crashfistfight if u don’t like it don’t watch

[@crashfistfight]

@@milesmccue9388 if it’s not good they shouldn’t make it.

[@brosifstalin415]

@@crashfistfight lol... Maybe watch TMZ?

[@jram1618]

Nature is Metal is hands down one of the coolest accounts to follow.

[@Balance_Bot]

Will smith's marriage is open to everything except jokes

[@yoitsvic1126]

😭

[@yoitsvic1126]

My god this is the most underrated shit ever

[@aaronsherritt9316]

How are Bart and Tom overlooking Christoph waltz won the oscar for his role in django

[@mmonkeyman1403]

Quality of this show really took a dive in the past few months

[@megyskermike]

It's still a fun train wreck to watch at least.

[@stefanieromay2212]

Omg can't wait for the Oscars talk! Oh! So good! Can't wait to have Tim and Bart rip it up! Comedy gold!

[@drummaboy303]

Cant wait to hear why Brent will be defending will smith at the Oscar’s in 7 months.

[@ashlynlol5950]

10 seconds into the podcast and I am CRYING laughing. “I’m burping up from the bottom of my bowels” 😂😂😂

[@adamhoisington9761]

When’s Bert gunna finally come out gay. He’s been hinting that shit for years

[@Kroesprtobaggan]

Gay for alcohol and Xanax 🧐

[@Mr.NorthSacra916Xfour]

In this show and maybe life in general Burnt is either drunk/intoxicated or hungover. When Rogan says he’s concerned about a friend that constantly drinks, overweight, and addicted to Xanax, he’s talking about Burnt.

[@zionkid420]

Still waiting for a story from Bert that requires beeping out that he hasn't already told in full & uncensored publicly more than once in the past.

[@Doctorbigdonk]

Tom’s facial expressions are the best

[@Tylek10]

Never thought I would hear Tyler1's height mentioned on 2b1c. Lmao

[@Gabbelabbe1111]

lmao, timestamp please!

[@sunbIind]

@@Gabbelabbe1111 +

[@ianmoore6585]

@10:45

[@fernandocastro7220]

Proud of Native. Finally got around to switching the vinyl

[@Melchiah_Kain]

Bart totally ruined Jeselnik’s joke 😂

[@jstarr23kid]

Bart Kershner is rocking those Norfolk Tide hats!!!

[@-KYUSS-]

You know Will wouldn’t have done shit if it was Chappelle up there telling that joke.

[@georgestewart9528]

So proud that Barf is learning self awareness!