Ep. 30 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

[@Kiluei]

Bert is the only person in the world that's selfaware and unaware of himself at the same time.

[@Yarikk734]

You just wrapped him up in a bow.

[@jesserodriguez8046]

like a toddler learning how to walk

[@BadCookWhoJudgesChefs]

I'm going to write my dissertation on this exact subject.

[@Kiluei]

@@Yarikk734 It shouldn't make sense, but it just does!

[@Kiluei]

@@BadCookWhoJudgesChefs Good luck! This is some fucked up and complex subjectmatter.

[@h.gordonsears6302]

This documentary about tobacco, alcohol, & addiction is fabulous.

[@emergencyexit3967]

Starring Tod and Oberleütenant Bret

[@rworded]

Don't forget the firearms.

[@Cadorkis]

100 percent!! We would see how that plays out in the doc lol like a reverse sober October in one day 👍

[@Cadorkis]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/mYKmd5eZer2epMU Something crazy like a hunter s. Thompson day, but they make a skit KZbin video in the end, instead of writing a book like hunter lol

[@EddieLiftsFX]

My erection goes away when you start talking about Hims

[@AdultBeverages]

I love how Bert doesn't understand how someone in AA can't have one drink but when they break out the dip he says he can't because he won't be able to stop

[@mrmkbaby]

Lol right

[@renojunes4445]

He’s a little Tik Tok

[@kanst22]

What this conversation truly highlighted is that Bert doesn't have a voice in his head saying "but maybe you're wrong". That little voice that helps you refine ideas, and check your impulses. Bert ain't got that, he has been driven purely by impulses for 40 years.

[@timelineenjoyer]

AA but binge two weekends a month would have such a big following

[@dov9455]

The glee on Tom's face trying to talk Bert into dipping and smoking because he's such a psychopath that it'll be funny to him watching his friend try to kick an addiction is simultaneously hilarious and terrifying.

[@InnerDness]

Tom is nefarious

[@imjustapancake3188]

Yeahhhhhhhh, Tom lowkey reminds me of an old genuinely toxic and sociopathic friend I had. People like this freak me out, they always fuck you over in the worst way possible- you’ll think they cared and loved you the entire time throughout the “friendship” only to find out they actually wanted to see you die and see your demise the entire time. Speaking from experience like I said, stay safe out here y’all. Don’t get too close to people, and remember people always show their true colors after 2-4 years of knowing somebody.

[@OlephantRider]

@@imjustapancake3188 yeah but he’s kidding. He doesn’t ACTUALLY want Bert to do it. I’m sorry you had someone who was super close to you break your trust man that sucks and I’ve been there. You’ll find that one person you can trust til the end

[@littlepixieme1]

@@OlephantRider exactly. He may jokingly try to talk him into it, but he would never force or trick him, and if Bert went to do it Tom would be the first person to snatch it out of his hands

[@Grant-TR]

The episodes where Tom just sits back and leaves Bert to talk are WILD.

[@f.b.i.6249]

wait, are there episodes that something else other than that happens?

[@imjustapancake3188]

@@f.b.i.6249 my thoughts exactly 💀😩

[@prestigepme]

I wish the bears would stop talking about doing coke and actually sack up and do it. they been contemplating it for months now, either shit or get off the pot.

[@Bjjjake]

Agreed

[@the_cheap_ones]

Or even the DIP!!!

[@TheBlackMambaa248]

I would literally pay to watch that

[@noirling1]

@@oloolson7179 He'll be so boring on uppers. Like a kid on Ritalin.

[@zincpodsquamble]

I agree. They need to sack up!

[@jiujitsufighter91]

Bert is now openly arguing “why not just be delusional?” As a life philosophy

[@aaronhernandez1901]

It's a solid idea

[@carlmccartney1025]

Ignorance is bliss, some of the most intelligent people are also the most depressed

[@theartofswiping6266]

@@carlmccartney1025 Bert will never have that problem.

[@tea.dubs8532]

Might be better, given the worlds current circumstances 😂

[@ursusfidelis]

Be selfish would've been such a great piece of advice if he re-framed it as: "make sure you prioritize your happiness". i LIVE for Bert tripping over himself verbally week after week lol

[@marycallahan2334]

Mark Rossi I feel sorry for him. He’s such a schlub.

[@ashhketchumm]

i like bert but genuinely think his iq is very low

[@bluetextbooks]

It's painful to watch but atleast he's in a safe place. It's insane to watch someone provide awful sound bites back to back.

[@ruggerosmith1167]

East Awesome plus Tom's reactions to Bert are great

[@yummyflapjacks2495]

Bert: No I can't, it'll ruin my life Tom: Do it

[@lambchop3916]

I’m an orthodox religious Jew. I lost it when he said “no orthodox religious Jews watch this” Me and a bunch of my orthodox Jewish friends watch this.

[@tryitout-701]

You are not. Maybe you were but if you are now, you can’t use the internet.

[@lambchop3916]

tryitout - lol. That’s not how it works. Still am. I learn in whats called a “yeshiva” for around 8 hours a day. I wear the funky black hats, white shirts, everything.

[@karolina2945]

Tom is the exact bad influence that every mom warned their kid about.

[@BooyahL]

Let's do a binge day😀

[@BostonBlues]

Let's do some coke man

[@earthavi]

Bert: “all religions are cults” Bert 20 minutes later: “... I should start a religion” God i love these two so much lmao

[@JoE-kx7dw]

In Bert we trust

[@sunejrgensen8516]

I´m amazed Tom´s Horns and wings never pop out during these podcasts

[@riley8704]

He's very good at hiding them.

[@Vaughan101]

Underrated comment, so good at making him say things he wouldn’t have otherwise said 😂😂

[@loganmcniece5847]

Hall of Fame Bert-ism “people don’t not say the N word because they care about black people they don’t want to be beat up or fired..”

[@Ibelieveindoubt]

Even though it’s what he truly thinks ya can’t even be mildly upset. It’d be like taking the moral high ground on a toddler who was somehow raised in the late 70s-80s in Florida lol.

[@returnalnocturnal7729]

@@Ibelieveindoubt it's like watching a rollercoaster working on popsicles and duct tape

[@sirweebs2914]

@@Ibelieveindoubt well that and its true.

[@Ibelieveindoubt]

MrPierreBoch Uhhhhhh I’m pretty sure most white people actually just don’t go around saying it because they know it’s wholly unnecessary and wrong 😂😂

[@sirweebs2914]

@@Ibelieveindoubt nah me and everyone I know say it all the time and we dont do it when black people are near because thats just unnecessary conflict.

[@spankey88]

Berts kept that “days sober” count going through about 5 benders now

[@lazylion420]

*"I didn't realize alcohol did that bad of stuff."* - Albert Kreischer, born Nov 1972, age 47

[@BostonBlues]

What a dingus

[@wodzini]

hhaah "Albert"

[@dr.jackill2861]

Funny...i was born in 74...46...bert is my papi

[@cjlman77]

Tom’s eyes light up like a kid on Christmas morning when Bert is about to say something racist and offensive.

[@ivemadeavowtoneverpullout9049]

He's like "clipped it." The moment that he starts

[@davel5120]

“Think of the ratings!”

[@Maazitung]

They should make it into a game. Edit out the clip, stop it at Tom's face just when Bert is about to say his piece, post it on the highlight channel and call it "racist or offensive?" Because I bet you that Tom knows Bert so well that he has developed a 6th sense just for his racist stuff.

[@bobboblee5646]

We all have. It's when he speeds up and talks faster because he's excited and thinks he'll get a laugh or usually a reaction. Bert has that same sixth sense, but about himself, and it never stops him in fact the opposite. He uses his sixth sense in the first and third person. So a.....24th? sense?

[@MRCL-190]

Tom trying to get Bert to dip is exactly like that guy in college going “ come on, just touch it “ you’ll enjoy it

[@nz540im3]

Bert said last week he would for sure do it. Now pussied out

[@MrJ-ro1yr]

No guy ever said that to me in college, you must be putting out 'that kind' of vibe 🤣 Jokes.

[@prasun911]

@@MrJ-ro1yr maybe you weren't even good looking for creeps.. jokes

[@parkerfigueroa6682]

@@prasun911 good one 😐 and you’ve gotten 1 like for each year old this comment is 👍👍

[@adamjames8854]

I love how Burt's like, "I can't chew tobacco" while he aggressively tries to open a can of tobacco lol

[@simonsays525]

Bert: 'We were having a few pops." Also Bert: "It was really just me drinking."

[@AlexMcNulty0]

I wonder if this will be episode 30 of Bert telling Tom about himself

[@Turkeyhonk]

Of course it will be... "One HUNDRED percent"

[@AlexMcNulty0]

@@Turkeyhonk I know you'll agree with this *touches nose*

[@mimigiggles4199]

This is the episode that we learn about Tom!

[@EternalResonance]

7:40 LeeAnnn I need that shit. more romantic words have not been spoken since.

[@spacemancam]

I like how they did an episode dedicated to Tom sharing more about himself and Bert hijacked the show back to talking about himself like a quarter way through 😂

[@well_as_an_expert_id_say]

Can't wait to hear just how sober Burnt was this weekend

[@Serenitynowwwww]

He wasnt!

[@imBooostin]

"sober" ..remember beers dont count

[@Stbuster31]

@@imBooostin I'm a day sober. I drank last night

[@RolandSpecialSauce]

@@Stbuster31 nah, Bert is 50 days sober even though he drank last night.

[@jjthesavage]

A fifth.

[@mattbragin8812]

Honestly hearing Nadav laugh uncontrollably from the back is the greatest part of these podcasts

[@johnsondanny_]

When I was in the Marine Corps we would run missions out of different countries and there was no place to get dip. 2-3 logs of snuff was mandatory on the gear list

[@jsmknight]

Bert's new self help book is going to be a best seller.

[@SuperPineapplejones]

at this point that "sober" counter is just keeping track of how much time has gone by. like keeping a timer always going on your phone to see how long it can go

[@ZMB-on5ub]

If it were an hour glass Bert would be shoveling sand.

[@bobboblee5646]

If it were an hourglass Bernadette would be wondering what it is - __ -

[@gunnarhinson80]

Start an app called “I am so-bert” takes sober days and add a calculator at the bottom to subtract your drinking days

[@kus88]

You’re onto something

[@ethanalward2215]

Youre onto something

[@Tehcarp]

Urine on something

[@Smokeyxz]

European on my shoes

[@racheluhock1808]

MONEY MOVE

[@davidvanpelt7557]

"I didn't realize that some people had so much trouble with addiction" "If I take one dip I'll be back 100%. You don't understand how bad I was addicted" Same guy, within 20 minutes. Never change, Bert.

[@Mayham1991]

This is becoming one of my favorite podcast. I don't really follow either of these two separately other than a random good interview here and there but this podcast is a weekly thing for me.

[@acm1pt374]

The memories with crucifixes are from a different type of social gathering Bart!

[@keanukrech7411]

I love how Bert always has Tom as a guest

[@sakewataru1831]

Dude! I almost spit out my soda. That's friggin hilarious, man!!

[@jadentinkcom2964]

And makes him read the commercials too

[@StonerHesperia]

@@jadentinkcom2964 Tom reads the ads because Bert can't read.

[@NumberJon5]

@@StonerHesperia He can read, it just has to be in German.

[@FormulaJuann]

Tom acts like he’s wearing a wiring trying to get Bert to spill everything and he always does

[@RolandSpecialSauce]

@@lourdesaguirre4532 it's not hard to get bert to spill everything. All you really have to do is ask.

[@LeftLaneDreams]

Lourdes Aguirre And Bert would be the worst suspect ever 😂

[@candicedavis935]

Yes! Let's have a binge night! Lets do cocaine! Weed booze nicotine halluinougenics

[@Kiluei]

Bert is the type of guy you don't tell any secrets because you know he'd spill it all.

[@distinguishedcolleague2345]

I feel like berts sober counter is more like the Mayan calendar. They both count the passage of time but neither lead to anything

[@davidbriand5412]

Spot on

[@VideoNozoki]

Bert's sober counter is like the Mayan calendar, it is finite and then resets to zero again.

[@distinguishedcolleague2345]

Joshua Guhl thanks brother, I appreciate it

[@seanwilsongerace2791]

Fuck that was a good one... made my day

[@ogbeggy7661]

Tom is literally THE worst influence

[@alexanderbrambila8274]

I love it, bert pleads with him that he will die of mouth cancer if he starts diping again. But Tom sits there calm like the devil and just keeps offering him a taste, try it for a month. Then looks at the camera with that straight face, probably thinking " can i end bert here?"

[@mattmcgovern2961]

Ehhhh ive had worse lol

[@nicholasgrossardt4890]

I wish I had Bert is my friend or Tom I love you guys take care

[@thelegendofrobb]

Tom to Bert: "Do you record it?" Lian, on Bert's Behalf: "Wrong girl..."

[@Billy-hr6wk]

Still recovering from the party Saturday but good news is I'm 78 days sober!

[@googleuser859]

Typical alcoholic logic.

[@yamommasbox]

That uh that's how that works huh?

[@annielaluciana_21]

Lmao🤣🤣 Tom's face 7 minutes in is priceless, like " Whoa I didn't even need to set Bert up before he gaslighted himself " love this pod cast

[@nickmcneil9797]

My dad started chewing coffee grounds to get off chew, and the anger from quitting and the energy from coffee grinds was something else

[@KelcieKoontz]

Omg my dad was legit scary angry when he quit. I wonder why the anger.

[@KazmaEXE]

I fucking love that Tom keeps asking if Bert just wants a pouch🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 "Dude I know you're a addicted to coke...but just take a bump! JUST a bump! It's not a fucking line ! " "Dude just smoke a little H...just a little ! it's not like we're mainlining" "Dude...I know your fat as fuck....but just have one of these pringles ...dude it's just one ..."

[@TendoTheDude]

"Make your own laws" "I think I'm going to create my own religion" - Bert Khitler How very Meine Kampf-esk.

[@imjustapancake3188]

Wait wait.. is esk really spelled like that? Holy fuck, my whole life I thought it was “esque”.. DAWG IM DUMB AS FUCK

[@SteveC86]

The way Tim laughs with that face when he “agrees” with Burnt’s premise gets me every fuckin’ time. Keep it high and tight Jeans.

[@hunterthompson6295]

I love "Tim" as well

[@websurferwizard]

@@hunterthompson6295 Tim's a good guy, but kinda racist.

[@VideoNozoki]

I wan to see 10mg Tim

[@noizyme]

Brent in a nursing home: "Did you know I opened for Nirvana in Tallahassee right after high-fiving Michael Jordan?"

[@Pailgingerman]

Who is. Brent?

[@Me-Dwight]

@@Pailgingerman He meant Bart

[@For_The_Watch]

Dude brets so silly

[@FancyPrimate]

Telling his black nurse how it used to be OK to say the N word.

[@skullcrackers187]

Who’s Randy?

[@liamfield6623]

If Bert were to say "I think I'd like to jump off a cliff" Tom would be like, "yeah man, you should, do a flip if you can, I'll film it"

[@MrJ-ro1yr]

After watching all of 2 bears this is how I imagine that conversation to go. Bert "I feel like I wanna jump off a cliff" Tom "You could do it, you could totally do it. We could set up a camera..." Bert "Oh yeah, yeah and I could .................(enter whaterver random shit comes out of berts mouth as he begins to believe he's had an awesome idea)..........." Tom "Let's do it, I know a guy thats all he does, he just jumps off of cliffs all day" Bert "Really?" Tom "Yeah, it was back in college & this guy was known for it, jed just show up to parties wasted & jump off cliffs" Bert "Wow, that is crazy" Tom "I mean , he got pretty fucked up this one time, but until then he did it all the time" Bert "You ever drive a car at 3am with your shirt off & just floor it through downtown?"

[@NoNo-sq8zn]

@@MrJ-ro1yr chill dude

[@SamDenny]

Mr J good effort.

[@inferiortechnology]

I have a memory that my grandma’s favorite flower was a sunflower. Whenever I see sunflowers, I think of my grandma, and it makes me happy. Recently my mom informed me that the sunflower was not my Grandma’s favorite flower. But I enjoy the feeling seeing sunflowers gives me, so I’ve decided to hang on to that false memory I apparently invented. Thanks Bert!

[@amywernet577]

Thank you for keeping my spirits up. You both give me more to look forward to. Please do not stop 2 Bears 1 Cave Eva!!! Quarantine Hugs XOXO

[@Kris_Toffer]

1:24 for intro, 2:00 for episode. 43:43 for adbreak

[@PeterBonnici]

Tom is that friend that everyone's Mother warned them about XD

[@caneface87]

And Bert seems like the kid that always asked to to stay for dinner at your house lol

[@biguprochester]

Naw cut that finger off it’ll hurt less.

[@Notrevia]

Swear I was just thinking this 😆

[@joejoe7899]

He’s like a good guy but his eyes see the truth that you hide from the world

[@jacoboelizondo1116]

Bert looks like Tim Allen in Clause when he starts gaining weight 😂

[@EvanSaltare]

Holy shit, you're right.

[@jamieissorry99]

except got stuck 85% of the way

[@illfcreds]

Bee sting

[@plixplop]

Cool to see the genesis of classics on here like Bert casually suggesting someone should make a "Nadav is Googling" song 😂 1:02:45

[@MURPHYTinc]

toms face.. "want a pouch? it might be a good way for you to get started again." LMFAO

[@JerseyfreshXx]

Bert: “Did you know Amy Schumer’s Jewish? Tom: “Yeah” Bert:”.......oh.”

[@tylerallgeier3746]

Who didnt know that, you think she would get Netflix specials if she wasnt jewish ?

[@rworded]

@@tylerallgeier3746 Her last name kind of gives it away.

[@dustinofficinalis2149]

You think she would be funny then.

[@Luke-cp2jz]

That's why she's always stealing from others

[@Smokeyxz]

Like holy shit m8

[@Cyxz666]

"Half alcoholic" you're getting there Bert. Admitting you have a problem is the first step.

[@dumbot12]

They should do an episode where bert wears a shock collar and Tom gets to shock him whenever he interrupts

[@VideoNozoki]

I think either of them would say this is a great idea. Bert: "The fuking hate I get; fans wrote in that I should wear a shock-collar and you get to shock me if I interrupt you." Tom: "I'd be willing to do that. Do you wanna do it?" Bert: "a huuu----ndred percent! Dude, do you know how viral that would be! Millions of views." Tom: "OK, let's do it." (and it never happens, but Bert brings it up once every couple weeks) and Tom: "OK. Let's do it." (each time Bert brings it up)

[@dumbot12]

Absolutely. Do you write for this show??

[@quentinscorsese5146]

These 2 bears have really sweet beards. They're called Christina and LeAnn.

[@justintyler4814]

It's so funny to me that Bert spent all that time trying to explain his reasoning of "selfish" because he literally couldn't think of saying "in my best interest"

[@darkyolks]

I was born in '96 but I'm going to give myself the memory of the moon landing. It was awesome!

[@stjames3852]

Not even ten minutes in and Barts already said the n-word

[@BenjaminSteel]

It’s a miracle he made it that long

[@rolln8ths]

I must’ve missed it where did he say that?

[@salamimami5224]

Rolled 8th 0:04 seconds in I think

[@ryansouthard4929]

I thought you were kidding

[@getrich9828]

He said "the n word"

[@medicinehatofficial1201]

This episode alone makes me think Tom took out a HUGE life insurance policy on Bert. Burt will die and this will be a segment on Investigation Discovery where Tom really belongs.

[@tristanbiggar2897]

Tom: "she'd be in a fucking ditch " Guy in the back : "Bahahaha"

[@coreylorenz5784]

400,000 views in one day! U guys r killing it. Congrats Guys!

[@cswisher92]

Hearing Bert trying to pronounce words reminds me of Nemo trying to pronounce what he lives in.

[@googleuser859]

He's an, an, an, an, anemone

[@chloeheikkinen1105]

he’s an, an, an, an, an alcoholic

[@GoroStern]

An, an, an, an, and also racist

[@Thebiggy5k]

Can’t wait to hear some ads and Bert wheeze for an hour an 22 👌

[@petegianopoulos1077]

Feel free to listen to something else

[@noahloya3345]

Pete Gianopoulos ur trolling right?

[@greenbeltglass]

Ppl listen to the ads?

[@chriscee3981]

@@noahloya3345 I'm sure they're not

[@Jake_IBS]

Ahahahaha, or perhaps a 15 minute intro of another nonsense Bert rant

[@markus7550]

"I am so broken" -Bert The entire audience collectively -"Yes"

[@michaeldion4855]

Truth

[@annieo8848]

Bert's inner Larry King just showed up with that "Bioluminescent" pronunciation

[@hj_muaheatherjane8795]

I knew this podcast existed but I just now started listening, my favorite thing is hearing the guys in the background cackling. Makes me laugh even more!

[@polybiusnymb6446]

“I’ve cheated on a bunch of people.” .....*only dated 5 other people*

[@noahharrington8883]

LOL the "I've done this a million times but not this one time" attitude doesn't just apply to alcoholism

[@garrywellman]

Cheating on 5 people is a lot

[@MongoLikeBeer]

4 of which cheated on him 1st 😂😂 Also, he's continously said on other podcasts that a girl here and there has cheated on him and broke his heart, when he in fact was not cheating. So, whaaaat, Bert caught in a lie? Who would have seen this coming? Again? *Gasp*

[@Gentleman_of_Leisure]

Does that put his body count at 10 or did he start dating the people he cheated with. Either way Garth's body count is higher

[@polybiusnymb6446]

Aidan I imagine he would’ve then said, “I’ve cheated in every relationship.”

[@kendigjl]

Tom and Bert are like two little boys whose mom's let them play together.

[@CutterDriftwood]

You must be female because to me, this honestly just seems like 2 completely normal guys hanging out together and being able to speak freely!! The only difference is that typically this is meant for when there's nobody(women) around to hear you! Tom & Bert however, They have decided to do this for the entire world to see & hear which makes it even funnier! LOL!!

[@tootall8717]

Being 6’7” and playing basketball (not continuing with it after high school)...the last part of this podcast had me in tears. Building a home with tall ceilings, the feet hanging over the bed, the hotel showers 😂🤣😂🤣

[@travisa2563]

Same here

[@hunterthompson6295]

Same im 6'7 240lbs. Cant ride rollercoasters, the bars wont latch over my shoulders. Airplane seats are painful as hell. Having to duck when walking into a room with a ceiling fan. Its also really hard to play hide and seek.

[@78bcat]

I'm only 6'2 and am continually annoyed that my feet hang off most beds, some pretty high on the ankle...and if you added 5 inches some of those beds would be closing in on my knees. Fucking world is created for the under 6' crowd

[@Me-Dwight]

6'4" I feel your pain friends. One of my least favorite things about being someone too large for societal standards 😂 are small public bathrooms, and pants, frickin pants...

[@OregonChronic]

That Smoking Tire video was awesome! So cool seeing you bears come together! Hope Bert isn’t jealous

[@madelinem1578]

How tf can you “100% remember” if you don’t even know it’s a REAL memory 😂 you wild Brent

[@shermangraves6715]

Wow, I was shocked when Burnt KKKreischer said; "We really need to bring back the Three-Fifths Compromise."

[@andrewhamell2274]

I paused this at 39 minutes and went out to buy my first pack of cigarettes in five years. Thanks, Bert.

[@Dan-kb9dr]

Nicotine pouches here... and yep 5 years wasted

[@yungceezy7749]

Dude no lmao, you're stronger than Burnt

[@k9man163]

It says the video was posted 13 mins ago but this comment is from 25 mins ago. KZbin needs to get its shit together.

[@shawndoran2879]

Southern blend Copenhagen

[@beans-3158]

Bert seems to bring stuff up almost like he is trying to cover something up when he's more likely innocent, but he makes himself look guilty. Tom: *says nothing* Bert: *unprompted explanations about how he would not cheat on his wife*

[@ejcommons5993]

I’m gonna save a clip of Tom telling Bert to dip to show my kids what peer pressure looks like

[@AlexWinford]

This podcasts deserves Hot Ones type guests!!!!!! Y'all are above anything less than that!!!!

[@Familyguy91091]

Tom "Hand on my Kids" I don't think that is how the expression goes, Tom.

[@Fedsmoker999]

It is now mommy

[@dan89156108]

@@Fedsmoker999 :O

[@oprahsgran5989]

I think it is becuz he doesn't hit his kids

[@keanukrech7411]

Berts “giving himself memories” theory is so outrageous I need to sit down

[@eansba88-]

Hes actually touching on some interesting ideas. If you cant tell the difference, does it matter? Its big in sci-fi. The Matrix, Devs, Westworld, Total recall, all touch on it in some way or another.

[@niviattt3629]

I think that's called stolen valor.

[@darinlowney3392]

Fuking lunacy

[@danieltate4444]

What's outrageous is Lincoln giving the Gettysburg address. I should know. I was there (by Bert's logic)

[@letsgotomarsman]

It’s a real thing. People misremember things, but it’s still a memory so it’s real. any stimulus results in a particular pattern of neuronal activity-certain neurons become active in more or less a particular sequence. ... Memories are stored by changing the connections between neurons. So it’s very possible to edit memories in the future. People misremember things all the time, and to yourself it’s true cause your “remember” it. It’s a interesting topic you should browse KZbin docs on

[@guyledouche6039]

You're not an alcoholic so long as you never drink 2 days in a row. Uh hundred percent - Bert Kreischer

[@roachfield84]

This is definitely my favorite podcast, keep bringing the stellar content guys!

[@robertupson5274]

The silence at 30:44 as everyone holds their breath waiting to see if he puts it in his mouth is so funny. Bert looks like a dog smelling something it found on the sidewalk, deciding whether or not to eat it.

[@gonufc]

Can't wait for Episode 50: The Fentanyl Special!

[@stusangster8443]

The last episode ever, what a finally tho

[@gonufc]

@@stusangster8443 finalé? Your teeth got stuck in your mouth and you couldn't see what you were typing.

[@PatGturdgangofficial]

It would suck to be a recovering heroine addict around Tom lmao

[@MrDAvIx63]

"just do it man"

[@royeaston6067]

Are you addicted to girl heros or a big lez fan?

[@lucaspatenaude7319]

Take a drink every time Bert says "there's no better feeling than..."

[@chewy11b96]

Been thinkin it, bout to do it. Thanks zim

[@samnunnally630]

And a second drink if Tom butts in "than killing the enemy."

[@kevinlester4391]

Or when he says aggressive

[@chewy11b96]

Easy kids, I'm tryin to black out and piss myself in my son's puppypalpal bed. I'm not trying to drown myself with vomit in 18 seconds

[@bobreinard]

I read that as “give yourself alcohol poisoning when...”

[@michaelbarretta5781]

Bert: Me and the girls drove down to the bilumlelescent... Tom: ... Bert: the biolumenemes... the bio luminescence algae Tom: You got it

[@kennethd4958]

I’ve never laughed so hard as I did during the beginning of this podcast 😂😂

[@JesterJames22]

I am so sick of HEARING about them doing coke, it's Cokegate. It will never happen.

[@kylediverson3197]

Not on air anyway lol

[@shanefoster333]

I'm sick of the same podcast every time. Bert wheezes and calls everything the best thing ever and tom just steers the conversation because when he tries to talk Bert just interrupts him. And yeah they are never gonna do the drug episode. They'll talk about it every time and never do it. It's annoying as hell. Bert is such a beating now.

[@jesperhjensen1978]

"Cokegate"?? Being a Gate like scandal implies that something happened

[@jesperhjensen1978]

@@shanefoster333 Well, its a good thing that nobody is forcing you to keep listening then. Maybe Joe Rogan is more for you

[@skeletoman]

shanefoster333 I like hearing Bart say things like “there’s no better feeling than smoking a good cigar/dipping” or how amazing coke is... then not even a minute later “god nothing compares to drinking a soda” LOL they don’t even need drugs

[@Dirtbiker463]

Bert jokes about addiction yet can’t have one dip without going off the rails lol

[@blakerutherford5243]

I'll give him that one. Everyone I know, including me, that did the "just gonna have one pinch" ended up buying a can. And another, and another...

[@davebcf1231]

Not to mention he's a raging alcoholic. "I didn't know alcohol could cause problems." - Burnt Chrysler 2020

[@DeShawnaldTrump]

2 bears Bad Friends WMMA Monday’s are cool now

[@hellamangz0r]

Don't forget Bill!

[@richliving1619]

What’s wmma?

[@DeShawnaldTrump]

Tay I was just to lazy in the moment to type out “Where My Moms At”.

[@BillyBoyBBop]

checkout The Lions Den with Brent Morin and Jason Collins too.

[@BdaB164]

The Honeydew Ya'll

[@redneck.joe.b.940]

My Absolute Favorite Tandium Pod...

[@footyjr52]

Bert: if you're trying to get sober, don't listen to me! Tom IMMEDIATELY after that statement: Yes

[@phuckmemma1672]

Bert should make a new app called “I was sober”

[@bandana4814]

Tom "I only wear makeup for specials" Segura and Bert "I'm 12 hours sober" Kreischer

[@Stealth1919]

Bert "I drank a fifth of vodka but I don't count that" chrysler

[@DNYGdj]

Tommy "my wife's older than me" Bunz

[@GKNW]

I wanna be like Tom but I realize I am way more like Bert

[@Howshegoineh]

Currently smoking a Marlboro red 100 before I go inside and have dip. I've never felt so connected to bert

[@Prod_D]

Did you read Mein Kamf yet? You can’t be like Bert unless you read that book front to back. Twice.

[@thomasdavisiii1]

My names tom but I'm a bert too

[@KelcieKoontz]

Omg my dad dipped Copenhagen long cut straight almost my entire life. I’m now 30 and he had to quit and it was the absolute worst time for not only him but all of us! He quit cold turkey and it was the hardest thing for him to do. He is now a smoker.

[@daniellebryant6951]

I grew up in Tallahassee and it's so crazy to hear Bert talk about his time there.

[@patto423]

Bert is like “no tom like seriously if I dip it’s the end of me” Tom “ oh come on”

[@MidwesternFilthMixes]

I wish the set was darker and more like a man cave.

[@tomwallhead6950]

And they wore bear suits

[@Smokeyxz]

And they blew eaachother.. I mean

[@tylerpound2661]

I licked eachother scrum!

[@TheChaneaux]

Every podcast is Bert just further proving he’s an addict 😂😂

[@TheChaneaux]

C. F. Aww thank you!

[@henricrepin9397]

@C. F. are you trying to pull on the KZbin comment section

[@watermelonboy100]

@@henricrepin9397 I know right quaritine got our dude trying some desperate methods next up is craigslist ads it's a long dark road from there

[@a.k.4o]

He didn't take a dip His cured

[@bobboblee5646]

I dunno how cf's reading comprehension is, but reading your name hurts my soul. That aside, Baconator is the guy outside the aa meeting with the biggest coffee starbucks makes, redbull in the other hand, with a cigarette lit and a dip in his mouth, saying it's okay that he takes xanax they're prescribed from a real doctor, and that he can't wait to get home and smoke pot and see if he hit the lotto. Long as he doesn't drink jaeger bombs, he's golden : D

[@lowmyco]

Let’s add everytime Bert says the word “Pivot” to the drinking game

[@CamboSands]

Or "brand"

[@hiimtaboo5922]

"Let's do a binge day... let's do some coke.." lmao I'm dying