Episode 56: In Conversation With Gabor Maté: The Myth Of Normal-Healing Trauma In A Toxic Culture

Dr. Gabor Maté is a world-renowned expert on trauma, addiction, and childhood development. His new book “The Myth Of Normal” is a must read for anyone healing generational trauma. It’s a true honor to have Dr. Maté on the podcast. This enlightening conversation is a must listen.
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[@alexissmith5523]

I have watched SO many of Gabor's podcasts for this new book. What I learned from this one is that our triggers ARE memories. Isn't that SO beautiful?! Thank you for sharing this with all of us.

[@theholisticdolly]

Triggers are memories that our body remembers. Emotions embeded in our nervous system.

[@be_you_tiful]

Wauw that's so true! Thanks for sharing ❤️

[@amberfuchs398]

I remember telling my therapist I didn't have many childhood memories. He paused me and said "You do have memory. You have emotional memory. Your body remembers. You just don't have a *story* to go with it." Hit me like a ton of bricks.

[@ZS-oo4dz]

Yo

[@alessandrar6002]

It's your birthday week Nicole and yet you gift us with the most amazing podcast. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, love you 💕

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

Thank you for watching Alessandra! ♥️we love you too.

[@highervibes111]

“The more sensitive you are the more likely to react to your environment… What we have inherited is sensitivity, not disease.” This is just mind blowing and makes total sense.

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

Doesn’t it? Thank you for watching ♥️

[@spis4753]

My two favorite healers and people who changed my life completely! Thank you for your work both Dr Nicole and Dr Mate!! 🙏🏻

[@huntervalleywalkandtalkthe3572]

This was brilliant. So many aha moments. Sensitivity in the DNA We remember, but we don't recall. The trauma potential from conception. Being available for everyone else, but not those closest to you The childhood conditioning to bury our emotions How differently those of us with the sensitivity DNA could have experienced life had we had warm, nurturing, present caregivers And the comparison stuff.. Trauma is trauma... Everyone's trauma and difficulties are valid. Thank you. I am going to listen to this one again.

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

SO glad you resonated with our chat! ❤

[@jylyhughes5085]

The Myth of Normal is utterly profound. Deep gratitude to Gabor xxx

[@leilimohammadi951]

Two people which I learn from every day and I admire and in love with their love to Truth no matter what goes on around!!!!

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

Thank you for watching Leili! ♥️ the truth will always prevail.

[@karenvantuyl901]

Best episode yet. You and Gabor are kindred spirits in this work. A much needed work. I could go on and on, however you both did an AMAZING job at articulating your personal journeys and messages. I’m so grateful for you. Namaste🙏🏽

[@muddyshoes4517]

This is deeply important and pivotal work & exploration. Feels like the missing pieces to the needed development of Western society. We must change what we perceive as success & actually be willing to be truly deeply connected to ourselves... and each other ❤️

[@lagartia444]

Your works …. Both of you have helped me so much with my own healing and in turn helped me to work w others in my practice I am hugely grateful for you both

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

So grateful Liz. Thank you for watching! ♥️ much love to you.

[@aitosalightfoot]

"the reasons we stayed immature is not a character fault. its that the conditions of our development were not there to support our maturation- in that sense we have to reparent ourselves or have others who help reparent us. "

[@luv2charlie]

Wow, this is amazing! I have incorporated trauma informed care in my practice for several years, this is an amazing way to view the correlation of my patients mental health with their chronic diseases! Thank you both for sharing ☺️

[@luv2charlie]

I've understood there is a strong correlation between diet, exercise, and mental health so it's nice to put another piece in the puzzle considering attachment and family environment with mental health and chronic diseases and how they "run in families".

[@michpara]

Great podcast! I'm so glad that the two of you have finally got together and talked about these very important topics on trauma... so insightful and a wonderful conversation. I'm a trauma informed therapist for almost 20 years and a trainee of Dr Maté's in Compassionate Inquiry for the past 3 years and his teachings have been life changing for me and my clients. He has completely changed the way I look at trauma for myself and how I work with my clients. 🙏❤

[@peacefulisland67]

As a cashier in a grocery store on Vancouver Island, I've noticed over 2o years that children (from birth) who are allowed to express themselves publicly, grow up to be very intelligent, kind and open adults. This is not to say the parents ignore inappropriate behaviour or do nothing about it, but they certainly are not the type to deny or stifle it. These parents would be fully aware and engaged, and pretty steady individuals, and they kids' expressions varied. They had a deep palette of emotions to choose from. The kids who were subdued in various ways or criticized harshly had only a few ways to express themselves; anger and sadness with occasional tentative smiles, which I was always a little unconvinced by.

[@suzdwyer4577]

I want everyone to listen to this ❤️❤️ Thank you 🙌🙏🥰

[@MadisonB-qz7ll]

Happy Birthday Nicole! I'm glad you exist! Thank you for spreading awareness and healing to so many people in the world. My life has changed completely and I will forever be grateful!

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

Thanks so much MB! ❤

[@theholisticdolly]

So many great takeaways and aha moments! Great discussion on how our society isn't yet setup to support basic human needs of nurturance, inclusion, acceptance, attachment, attunement and authentic self expression. We are biopsychosocial creatures!! and the world is waking up!! And Dr Nicole also teaches- Awareness or consciousness is the first step to healing. I really enjoyed the question asked as well!

[@marymclean3737]

Thank you Nicole for this extraordinary interview with Gabor Mate. Yes…we are all in the process of an awakening. Bless you both.

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

Thank you for watching Mary ♥️

[@lisaclick4908]

This speaks to me on a very deep level. Thank you for doing this work. So powerful.

[@attm247]

SO EXCITED to see the two of you together! I have been following both your work on my healing journey. Much love to both of you. I am almost to a year mark sober from Rx pills. I can't tell you both how much your work has shifted my life. xo

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

Much love to you. Proud of you for shifting your life in the ways you want. Thank you for watching! ♥️

[@attm247]

@@SelfHealersSoundboard your work has resonated with me since I first found you. Can't thank you enough.

[@debbiesunlight7047]

I love him. ❤

[@cecilec7512]

Loved it. Thanks so much for your free help. I got your book too. What an interview. Brilliant. Thanks so much

[@antoinettebinuirialbobmcin2030]

Every word of this is GOLD !!!! And so important. Thank you both !

[@artitiwari2788]

This podcast is a sort of major breakthrough for all of us out there! Just loved it ❤️

[@antoinettemthompson-intuit2553]

I literally was so over joyed to see you both together in the same podcast! I came across Dr Mate a few years ago and absolutely align with all his teachings and revelations about trauma and healing. It is so refreshing to see traditionally medically trained practitioners put themselves out there with such conviction to challenge old belief systems and methods that clearly are not " healing" people but indeed adding to the trauma. Society is surely not conducive and accepting of an incorporated healing concept of mind , body and soul. Therein lies the problem. With more practitioners as yourselves sharing these concepts, I hope that mainstream society will come to accept that traditional medicine needs to work with complimentary methods such as energy healing, trigger and block identification, how trauma is stored in the body, it's relation to disease and a dysregulated nervous system. I believe all our behaviours can be linked back to intergenerational and child hood trauma which has been repeated life time after life time; even in relation to past lives. As you say, the soul has memories, triggers are memories of emotions; we don't need to remember, we just need to recall. As someone who has suffered trauma of child sexual abuse and chronic illness, in all the years that I received medical treatment, it wasn't until my spiritual awakening, that I started to do the work and actually understand the connection between my illness and my trauma, coupled with triggers and belief systems inherited through my genetics and ancestors. This is now the core of my work as an Intuitive Healer... it is not formal education or letters after my name that got me here, its the wisdom of experience, the allowance of self -compassion and empathy and indeed "doing the work". For sure acknowledgement and awareness is the first step. Both your work and Dr Mate's is a medium for this awareness. I honour you both so much. You are both pioneers in this awakening world and much needed to spread the wisdom that we all need to really heal; not to just treat the symptoms, but to recall the cause. Understanding brings healing, awareness brings evolution! Deeply grateful and you both inspire me so much to keep going in the work that I do. Podcasts like these raise awareness and inspire people to "wake up" and seek the help and support they need to self heal. More conversations like these will increase credibility for people like me that don't have the letters behind my name, but priceless first hand experience of walking the walk and transforming pain to purpose. thank you 🙏💚

[@deirdredonovan1083]

Thank you for this conversation, perfect timing ✨

[@darrendohertymusic]

Thank you both so very much.

[@sandraparmet9570]

Grateful for you both ❤

[@szenka43]

Thank you for making this conversation happen! I adore both of Your work! I am sooo grateful for all the knowledge and information you share! ✨❤️

[@ambera5448]

So cool. Love Dr. Mate - fellow Vancouverite and German Shepherd fan.

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

Thank you for watching Amber! We’re big Maté (and German shepherd!) fans too ♥️

[@sarahmcnicol.lifecoach]

Thanks for this particularly clear and illuminating conversation with Dr Gabor Mate about The Myth of Normal. Wonderfully helpful 💜🙏

[@jacintacruz9492]

I am filling really hopefull right know hearing this episode and hearing both of you talking.

[@namratajagwani2424]

What an insightful video! Absolutely love you people's work and perspective. This world needs more information like this ❤️

[@jenniferali2596]

Amazing Dr. Nicole. I am so grateful you exist. ❤️

[@catherinemadamba4399]

Amazing!!! I have been following you for years and thats how i found the work of dr mate 💖💖 its like coming full circle!! A powerful and transformational conversation, thank you thank you!!

[@marleyofficialmedia]

Thank you both ❤

[@samanthaboulanger2765]

So grateful for people like you both and conversations like these...really helping me on my healing path, thank you both sincerely 🧡

[@gqcoaching5707]

Absolutely amazing episode. You both have been such an inspiration in my own healing journey and in my profesional work. Thank you!

[@yUngX179]

Thank you so much Dr. Nicole & Dr. Mate for making this impactful show together !! Everything you are sharing resonates with my heart & I am so grateful you are sharing your insights with the world. Love you both!

[@eunicedetoiles9901]

This is a service to humanity...thank you for this brilliant conversation.

[@IouliaAbell]

Amazing, thank you so much for this! ♥

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

Thank you for watching Loulia! ♥️ you are so welcome.

[@claudiae7473]

Wonderful ..thank you ❤

[@ariadne6104]

Both of you big help in my journey I’m grateful

[@christinecardoza7253]

This interview is so good that I had to watch it again (and probably again) Thank you!! 🤩💃🙌

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

So glad you think so Christine, thanks for tuning in! ❤

[@kyleandrewhopper]

Awesome! Was so excited to see you had him on from your instagram!

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

Thank you for watching Kyle! ♥️ so glad you caught this episode.

[@Dumballa]

Great job

[@CoachStephenDredd]

I love you both so much. Thank you for all your work and making it so accessible to everybody.

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

Thank you for watching! ♥️ Will always be our mission to make the work as accessible as possible. We love you too!

[@ryannesumbry4130]

Excellent content ❤ I throughly enjoyed this podcast!! I’m sad 😢 it had to end….

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

Thanks for tuning in Ryanne! ❤

[@hansapandey8021]

Thank you so much Nicole for this talk 💕 And yes Happy Birthday dear 😘😘

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

Thanks so much Hansa! ❤

[@jimmybazza6824]

Beautiful!

[@naturemessages]

Thank you so much. I spent many years "fixing" myself through changing my biology/body with pharmacuenticals. I did this through identity and transitioning genders. All along in my heart a tiny voice reminding me I am in survival mode, and this isn't the only direction. There are other roads ahead.

[@annafrancisca]

Wonderful.

[@Isagracelove]

What a lovely gift to listen to two powerful presences in this field of body-mind-emotion connection. This kind of conversation is so essential and I would listen to you guys for hours! There is a lot to sink in. Thank you Nicole for your generosity in bringing this to us.

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

I'm so glad you resonated, thanks for tuning in Isabela! ❤

[@psycherevival2762]

Wonderful conversation :)

[@pippawalker]

Wonderful

[@robporter9919]

Loved and Love this conversation with Dr. Mate. 100% relatable and comprehendible. I would recommend this to the whole world. But as for myself so much was opened up as to why I react and act and behave the way I do in so many situations whether it’s conflict or just uncomfortable situations. The suppression topic is so familiar to my emotions. Lots of work for me to do. Thank you both for sharing so much. Extremely valuable ❤

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

I'm so glad you found so much awareness from our chat Rob, thanks for tuning in! ❤

[@meghankelly9958]

I appreciated this video so much. Thank you Dr. Nicole and Dr. Mate. I have worked in healthcare for over two decades (and a human for over four decades ;)) and feel so validated and heard listening to this episode. I thank you for sharing the wisdom of the good doctor and look forward to reading his book. Kindly xoxo

[@simplysunmoon]

So many commun feelings 😊❤️☀️🌙

[@kidxmoon3509]

Y’all are geniuses

[@Oshe465]

I love you love you love you both. thank you so much

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

❤

[@jacintacruz9492]

Happy Birthday Dr. Nicole

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

Thanks so much Jacinta! ❤

[@jacintacruz9492]

I have watched this guy on you tube befor

[@tjjohnson1151]

Thank you for this, I resonated with many things. I want to touch on the idea of “others has it worse then you or etc” . I was raised in a home with these same beliefs and found myself saying this to close friends or myself for that matter when challenges would arise. I now know that, this was so invalidating to myself and others, and it saddens me to know this. Now that, I am aware of this, what are some ways to reframe this?

[@jessiehenry100]

Can we have a conversation about getting our needs met? What should we be meeting ourselves and what should we, if at all expect others to meet?

[@momswhoheal]

So depressing and exhausting being a parent in this society while trying to heal yourself and become your authentic self. So much guilt bringing life into this world before healing myself and grateful because had I not had my son I would not have healed the parts of me that I've healed. What do I do next? Everybody is telling me to discipline my son but it feels wrong.

[@alexisrosen4444]

Midwives and doulas help a lot.

[@melissaschatz5516]

So so good. I felt like crying through most of it - hard for me to let that out but just noticing how hard it is seems cathartic. I’m curious if you have advice on guilt or shame that may come up when you hear the ways in which children are traumatized beginning in utero. I felt so guilty for the stress that I was under while pregnant, during birth and during the first year or so post partum. Any thoughts?

[@heather.robinson]

I am with you Melissa. The nine months I was pregnant with my daughter were some of the most stressful of my entire life. When my daughter was born she cried for 9 months solid and was almost inconsolable. I also struggle with guilt, though, at the time she was in utero most of the stress was out of my control. I am learning to give myself some grace and be kind to myself. Hugs to you! xoxo

[@annalisavajda252]

Well personally my experience with ptsd is a need to be alone to "self heal" because being overstimulated by hearing other people's traumatic experiences is too overwhelming now and after years of being attacked and misunderstood I haven't the energy or inclination to discuss things it's like reopening old wounds I see no point to it just need to live with the scars some damage is permanent I think too certain experiences don't make us stronger either now I live with debilitating chronic emotional pain because of not only the crimes committed toward me but lack of victim services and appropriate response by authorities and experts when they were required. Can't depend on others always.

[@robertaleonardi-homelandss3550]

I have Ménière’s disease, what emotions/trauma cause that?

[@normateixeira940]

Hello! Can you provide guidance into what I should look for in a therapist. Someone that deals with disassociation and suppressing feelings. I listen to your podcast and feel I would benefit from one on one therapy. Im in Southern California, and need help in finding a therapist. Thank you!

[@hew195050]

Good luck finding a good one who actually knows how to get to the root of the issues and bring healing to you. I would just research how to do the work yourself. That's what's helped me in my life.

[@hew195050]

Imagine not too many years ago doctors used to slap newly born infants on the butt. How ridiculously cruel. Who's idea was THAT?

[@quelquunhumain6994]

That whats happening to me and my kids, my children are forced by the culture and society to be nice. We get judge severly by the society if they see children get angry in public space or they scream, they think we don’t teach them how to express their emotions in healthy way but God knows It takes time to learn, It can’t happens in one night, children brain is dominated by emotions but hell yea people don’t understand this, the worst is my children aren’t that loud and scary, they are normal and I can even say they are very nice. You know they call it uneducated children. We are struggling here in France with this thing. Children are obliged to fit the adults need. Children are forced to shut their up. C’est les parents qui décident when and how. But as we all know parents aren’t here to be dictator, and our children aren’t our twin, we can’t force them to do what we want or to be who we are. But as you said, these children who lost their authenticity because they repressed their emotions in their childhood period, the day they become adult they express their rage that they keep during their childhood. This is why they become so pessimistic and blaming on everything. They forget what love is. Everybody fears on everybody. I ve taken your course and I ve been following Dr. Mate’s work for years. I totally agree with you both that we need to let our children to be authentic and let them express their emotions besides that giving them a healthy attachment and love. Anyone shares the same experience with me in France? Lots of love from here ❤. Maya

[@bassoncm]

Good day My name is Christina and I’m reaching out from Windhoek, Namibia. My mother -a beautiful, kind & caring 64 year old- suffers from severe memory loss. It’s neither Alzheimer’s nor Dementia. The doctors locally and in South Africa call it a form of mental degradation. However, having spent the past 5+ years doing a lot of research, I believe it is a trauma response. We’ve seen times when she’s much better, and times it’s the opposite, and have hope that we can help her heal. If not a 100% then at least 50% I’m contacting you, because I hoping you could help me find a facility / retreat that would offer the following: 6-8 weeks stay Gut reset / healthy eating Exercise Meditation Psychotherapy & counseling Silent retreat / therapy Healthy habit stacking (to help her create systems to manage the memory loss) Sleep therapy Trauma counseling Stress management Hypnosis Please help us, we are really desperate to find the right place 🙏 Chrisna

[@abdulrahmanali7936]

I loved the episode, but I can't help but notice that you talked a bit too much and didn't give enough space for Gabor Mate to talk.

[@majtales]

One note, don't be verbose. Let the guest talk more

[@jameswood4448]

No one cares selfish manipulaters