Estranged Adult Child Heals After Abuse & Reconciles with Dad

[@estrangedparents]

If you're an estranged parent or estranged adult child with a story you'd like to share with our audience, please apply to interview with us at bit.ly/3SF39av

[@elizabethmackay972]

Hey, that’s me in this video! Thanks to everyone who took the time out of their day to listen to my story, thanks to Ted and Diane for interviewing me, and shoutout to my dad for being a great parent throughout my life. Happy Thanksgiving!

[@pauljensen4773]

Thanks for doing the interview, Elizabeth. Since you are a college student going into construction, I wanted to share something. First allow me to introduce myself. I'm a retired Civil Engineer. Have you heard of Survey Engineering?

[@les0101s]

Thank you for telling your story. I'm sorry that your Mom has problems and hope she will admit she's made some mistakes and get some help. I'm glad you have your Dad and the stability he provides right now. It's so nice that you are interested in the same career and great that he can help you.

[@superguinea]

my dear you represented yourself admirably. i wish you all the best. bad things happen to all and its a special person who doesnt become embittered and resentful. you're lovely

[@Stardustpal25]

You worked really hard to get where you are today, good job. 🪷

[@estrangedparents]

Elizabeth, thank you for a phenomenal interview! You are a strong and resilient young women who took your healing into your own hands, I have no doubt you'll be successful in your new career... ❤️

[@virginiasmith1336]

Good to hear from the estranged kids as well. Well done Elizabeth. Thank you from an estranged parent.

[@user-qb8qm4mp5n]

What her mother did was what I would call financial abuse. There was a verbal agreement about the money the adult daughter had worked to save. The mom took unfair advantage and I could see that as the straw that broke the camel's back. Having been financially abused (though not to the tune of $3500) as a young adult I'm on the daughter's side. When a parent who you are supposed to trust abuses you over money it does make you question their motives towards you as an individual. She did say her mother has a gambling problem, so as we know addictions will drive people to do things they might not otherwise do. I appreciate this young lady's view on narcissism. Narcissistic traits are not the same as narcissistic personality disorder. Also so cool she reconnected with her dad and he's helping her develop a profession in his industry.

[@pman2916]

That cut off pretty suddenly. I would like to hear more about the other side of estranged because I got alot of insight from this young lady. Well done young lady for sharing your story😊

[@loislewis5229]

Wow, I guess we’re all messed up. The only thing to do is forgive the past and work positively for the future.

[@Sweetpea064]

She can forgive while still choosing to be no contact. Some things cannot be swept under the rug, especially a betrayal like this.

[@lindasindoni6458]

Unless you have suffered with these evil mothers,you have NO IDEA how much we have had to deal with. This girl is spot on,and it took me 40 years to get this perspective this girl has achieved. Well done-there is no forgiveness for these evil people ,only looking after yourself.👍☺️

[@loislewis5229]

I agree we have to take care of ourselves. But nobody is all evil, just suffering inside like the rest of us. With that said, the mom taking her daughter’s money not right.

[@superguinea]

this channel is batting 1000. 2 out of 2 guest that are reasonable and composed. this channel is a force for good.

[@TownGirl04]

Her Mom should not have had her money if she had problems like that but I am glad she has her Dad back.

[@elizabethmackay972]

I’m also glad I have my dad back, he’s great!

[@Sweetpea064]

Agree. She took advantage of her daughter’s trust and her youth, then completely betrayed her.

[@Oakleyracer]

This channel is so needed today. It happens a lot, some people just won’t admit it. I personally have learned from this channel.

[@loislewis5229]

I was an ignored child so I made sure I did everything I could for my three children. But now that I’m old and feeble, they ignore me for the most part (I never ignored my parents). I understand some of it. They’re busy adults with families of their own, but this did not happen to my grandparents, family took care of family. So disheartening 💔

[@Herk988]

This young lady seems to have come a long way in the healing process. She mentioned her dad discovered he has some autism traits/diagnosis. I’ve recently heard those diagnosed with autism are sometimes mistaken as having narcissistic traits. There are exists a true difference though which is important to recognize and acknowledge.

[@donnahodges5596]

I love how she diagnosed everyone but herself

[@elizabethmackay972]

@@donnahodges5596I’m ADHD

[@Sweetpea064]

@@donnahodges5596 I don’t think there is anything that she could say that would satisfy parents that haven’t worked on themselves.

[@1TimothyFourTen]

From Wikipedia: In Greek mythology, Narcissus (/nɑːrˈsɪsəs/; Ancient Greek: Νάρκισσος, romanized: Nárkissos) was a hunter from Thespiae in Boeotia (alternatively Mimas or modern day Karaburun, Izmir) who was known for his beauty which was noticed by all, regardless of gender. According to the best known version of the story, by Ovid, Narcissus rejected all advances, eventually falling in love with a reflection in a pool of water, tragically not realizing its similarity, entranced by it. In some versions he beat his breast purple in agony at being kept apart from this reflected love, and in his place sprouted a flower bearing his name. Believe it or not, this is where psychologists got the term narcissistic personality disorder. Does this fit with even 99.5 percent of the people who are diagnosed as narcissistic? Not even CLOSE!. But so many will slap someone else with that label all because an "Expert " wrote it in a book and has the letters Ph.D behind their nsme. It helps to know the etymology of words so you sound like you are using your own brain and not someone else's. Her mother. If what we hear is the truth, sounds like a sorry, miserable human being who is not looking to her image for gratification but to the local casinos. If that is true, then she is of the same caliber as an alcoholic. Narcissists dont need or want ANYTHING other than themselves. Including alcohol and gambling. If true, her mother should be here to explain her side of the story. I want to hear itvfrom her. This is nothing against the mom who started this channel. I believe what she said about her daughter, and that is because she wants to reconcile with herr daughter. Shes not throwing around terms she got down at the corner drugstore and diagnosing her daughter. She's truly trying to reconcile. Even if it means people hate her. That's admirable in my humble opinion. I cant find any fault with the mother who started this channel.❤

[@marlenestewart7442]

good advice. It has long been known that addicts have narcissistic traits, but it would be rare that they would be formally labeled as such. The prevailing fad among the youngest adults is to judge their parents thusly, often simply because they are not living "their best lives."

[@PromiseFulfillled]

I like that this channel is trying to be fair balanced. Very well done!

[@noziashahapor9299]

What a beautiful story ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ Strong women 🎉

[@oliviashuii364]

Im estranged from my older brother. I can relate to a lot of this. This channel is very good, and relatable

[@jrowlove7328]

Ever needs to read the book “ How to hug a porcupine” by Dr. Debbie Ellis. The mentally ill need love too.🥰

[@YahavehsSoldier]

I loved thos video. She's so knowledgeable and confident. I love heari g both sides and seeing the healing that can happen if both sides can agree. But, 100% agree that the mother was very wrong and she needs to take accountability for it all. I love that her and her father have reconnected.

[@elizabethmackay972]

Thank you! I love my dad

[@cw4091]

Oh honey. Yikes. That’s really horrible. So sorry this happened to you. Addiction destroys families. Praying for you. You CAN overcome this and forgive. Bless you.

[@ut561]

wow, nice to hear the other side. if that's remotely true then clearly the mother has a problem.

[@yazzie6793]

I would like to hear the other side of the story.

[@joanbaczek2575]

The other side? Her mother is a narcissistic psychopath taking half her money like that SICK!!!

[@susanne4028]

Thank you for this channel. I am sure it can help people to understand and to cope.

[@jackgoodings]

It's a great highlighter of how alienated children will put up with huge amounts of the alienating parent's behaviour .. even wanting them to get help. And the alienated parent is just cut out, no interest at all from the child. It's sad it has to come to a final straw, but necessary. I guarantee your dad wasn't dealing with childhood trauma .. I'm sure your mum told you that though. He was being abused by your mum and that's what youd have been seeing. The schema he developed as a child would have not helped in the choice of partner though, and how he dealt with the wife's abuse. Exactly same happened with me .. and I sure as heck am not autistic, but my kids think I've got mental issues and a difficult childhood, all of which were used against me.

[@claireemily1983]

I think the word narcissist makes this story a little convenient. Relationships are more complex than one word. Her mother was struggling with addiction along with a lack of maternal bond. Addiction brings a lot of shame and denial. That coupled with the lack of material bond has created a lot of anger in this young lady and rightly so. Maternal nurturing is fundamental to our development. I have an emotionally unavailable mum and has cut contact but also suffer from addictions so trying to see if from both sides. Usually the youngest is always the favourite and the eldest usually the scapegoat. I’m the eldest of 4 and very much felt to much responsibility when I was younger and with no guidance I got no praise only how terrible I was. My mother used to say ‘ why can’t you be like other children?’ Implying we were abnormal and somehow not good enough.

[@GingerNinja1]

Thank you for having the courage to share your story. It's extremely difficult when you have a narcissistic parent, especially a mother. I love what you said that you've come to terms to just accept them for who they are. As long as you're ok with that. I hope you're able to find peace & contentment in your life sooner rather than later.

[@MiMiLfE]

Estranged from narcissistic mother and brother ….

[@oo1straub665]

It is always nice to see when the parent who raised the children is the bad and the one who wasn't present in the child's life is the good parent who did nothing wrong. I call it the Mariah Carey sindrom.

[@adenasmith903]

Thank you Elizabeth.💗 I wish you and your family the best. I'm sorry. I posted the wrong name at 1st.

[@Herk988]

I have a question for any of the estranged adult children. Our daughter went no contact with us but still sends e-gift cards for birthdays, etc. The cards are never signed like she used to do, just simply sent with a small note about “buying something you want”. No other contact. Can anyone explain how we should process this? It feels like a mixed message and is confusing. Thank you.

[@Herk988]

@@ThursdaysChild-zk2pd thank you for your response and explanation. I treasured her gifts throughout the years, so that shouldn’t be a factor. Although I remain confused about why the only communication is via gift cards on birthdays or Mother’s Day ’/Father’s Day, I appreciate your explanation. Thank you. I can only assume this type of action is part of what her therapist recommends. At this juncture, I’ve decided not to waste the hurt so will use the gift cards to benefit those in need or special organizations, like animal rescue wish list items, etc, as helping with community needs is what brings happiness.

[@Herk988]

@@ThursdaysChild-zk2pdafter thinking a bit more, I’d like to add that no gift cards can ever replace or fill in the gaps of the missing relationship we had with our daughter. I still don’t understand the reasoning behind gift cards if there’s no contact. Why would she want us to buy things she thinks would bring us happiness? We’ve never been into materialism and nothing will ever replace the happiness we had when she was in our lives. Things don’t bring happiness.

[@Herk988]

I appreciate your insight, it sounds as though you must be very familiar with the inner workings of estrangement. This is unfamiliar territory for me, especially given the past I was blessed to have shared with our daughter. It tears at my heart to use past tense terms, but all I’ve ever wanted was for her to be happy. I never knew I was in any way holding her back from finding happiness and it’s a humble realization (and painful, if you’re a mother perhaps you can imagine). It does feel odd to think of being “remembered” only on special occasions. It lends to feelings of not being good enough to be included which many aging adults struggle with as well.

[@Herk988]

@@ThursdaysChild-zk2pdOne more thought, if I may. How is one to process the unspoken statement of “my life is better without you in it”? Isn’t this essentially what is being said? That she recognizes me as a human being but not someone who adds value to her life? Think about the impact on the psyche for a moment. Very painful indeed, especially this time of year.

[@Herk988]

@@ThursdaysChild-zk2pd Thank you, I really do appreciate your input.

[@artysqueezy184]

Young people these days seem to be very quick to enter into estrangement and resentment, narcissism and labels. Letting go and forgiving is a way of healthily moving forward too. Yes she has had issues but we all have had issues in our lives, but living with irritation and resentment leads to dis-ease. My step son has become estranged from his father saying he isn’t the father he wanted. His father, my husband has been the best father he could be and only ever had his children’s best interests at heart. My father and mother divorced and my father was absent during my childhood but I always knew it wasn’t my fault and they were people with failings and weaknesses, as we all have. This situation with my step son has destroyed our relationship with him, which used to be good. We have no idea what he wants and nor does he but he is pushing us away and we are too exhausted to keep trying to be honest. This is happening to many of our friends of similar mid 60s age and 30 year old children. There seems to be too much therapy, analysing and labelling these days and a total lack of respect for parents to be different to their kids and they don’t understand thats ok. It’s all too too serious. They don’t know how to have fun and let go. My opinion. Again this young woman is blaming her mother only and saying she isn’t the mother she wants her to be. It’s her prerogative to leave her mother but narcissism is a term which is liberally thrown around these days with little idea or knowledge of what it actually is. Her mother is a person with her own personality as has this young woman. I think a little maturity needs to be developed and that will only come through experience of life and relationships and at 23 years old I can’t see that she has this yet. I may be wrong but again this is my opinion

[@artysqueezy184]

@@kwahujakquai6726 thanks for your reply but I’m not talking about religion. Yes there are generational differences - there always have been, but it seems to be more extreme these days that kids just walk away and cut ties to their family, which I believe will affect society in who knows what ways later on. We’ve just come through lock downs and isolation during the pandemic and this I believe will lead to greater mental health issues for all ages and generations in the long term and the only people benefitting are the therapists who in my opinion are guiding issues sometimes in a detrimental way. No, parents are not always right, but when did anyone say parenting was easy? And do these children consider themselves to be so much better parents than their own, isn’t that narcissistic in its own way? They don’t know how their liberal views on parenting will affect generations to come. Yes, there have been parents who have been brought up to be authoritarian, but not all are and my husband is definitely not in the camp you describe. He is kind, patient and very loving and giving and still his son has cut off all communication with him and for why because he wants him to be a different man at 64 years of age?? That isn’t love that is control and manipulation trying to change someone you love is not unconditional love. I truly believe that if a child is suffering from mental or physical abuse they should leave that toxic situation to gain perspective and safety, but this isn’t always the case, as in many of my friends where their children are like my step son and purely want their parents to be different people because they don’t match their perfect Instagram view or Hollywood film view of the world. Life is hard, not everything is the way we’d like it to be and I have had to learn that the hard way and I turned out to be a caring, compassionate, understanding and loving person, not full of hate, regret and retribution. There is the premise of throwing the baby out with the bath water and we are a society in free swing…one direction to another round in circles, having no real plan of where we are heading. We are in a hugely changing world and that needs to be treated with care and compassion, not just blaming us for everything bad in the world and walking away, causing even more mental health issues. Even different political or religious views are not a reason to cut off all ties. I’m sorry but there has to be room for adult healthy conversation and I think this is an immature and excessive response to us as humans with all our differences and flaws. What happened with agreeing to differ??? What happened to live and let live. Yes things need to change but let’s not damage society even more in an emotional explosive pandemic of isolation and divorce which causes more separation, discord and unhappiness.

[@artysqueezy184]

@@kwahujakquai6726 I am not biased but can only speak about this from my perspective and that of my close friends who are also going through this. I could have walked away from my own toxic family but felt that would cause more harm in my own personal experience. I’m not the same as others but I’m sure there ar e any children leaving their parental or familial situation because they have heard this is the latest “thing” to do. Without having a true mature understanding of what that truly means. Nit very child goes through therapy to fully understand themselves. I can’t imagine how many children can afford to these days. But they are taking to friends or relatives who also don’t know the implications of isolation and estrangement and they are following the herd. A little like the gender issue but that is a whole other subject. Yes there are those who truly believe they shouldn’t be in the family or sex they were born into, but to walk away I feel is not the answer in every case. The fact we have more taboos on things we can and can’t talk about nowadays is also adding fuel to the fire. It’s like walking on eggshells for everyone. An absolute minefield of potential offence about every subject you can think of. Let’s get a bit more balance. Stop swinging from one way to another

[@42Pandas]

Estrangement is a woke trend.

[@artysqueezy184]

@@kwahujakquai6726 I’m sorry but you are coming across as authoritarian and judgmental. If you had read my message with clarity you would see, I never said my step son has mental health issues. I said this kind of behaviour can lead to more mental health issues in wider general society. Please don’t blame me for what you clearly don’t understand, patronise me about things you assume I don’t know, or tell me how we should or shouldn’t speak to him, when you have no clue about our situation. Aren’t you yourself being authoritarian in telling me how to behave and assuming things you have no idea about. I never said my husband and I have ever shirked our part in this. We have tried our hardest to communicate in a compassionate way with my step son and he has openly admitted we have been loving and caring but he has still chosen to cut off ties which leads me to believe he is confused about what it is he truly wants or needs and has maybe been led by trends, as I believe many other adult children are. The girl in this interview has also commented here to say thank you to her father for beating a great parent throughout her life. So why did she fall out so badly with him? It just clauses confusion and hurt all round when there isn’t a real reason for the estrangement. My husband’s son and we haven’t disagreed on anything, as some parent child relationships have with disagreements over politics and religion, so please don’t assume these things, that’s where the problems with miscommunication begins… I was referring to and speaking about the wider effects on society not on my personal experience with this. We each have a right to our opinions and I find it offensive you have assumed to know our situation and made derogatory comments about it.

[@les0101s]

I think a little maturity needs to be developed - by Elizabeth's mother. Elizabeth seems more mature and responsible than her own mother and it's probably been that way most of her life, and that's not fair to her at all.

[@flamingpieherman9822]

Unfortunately this girl seems like she's not only strong-willed, but she may have a bit of narcissism in her herself. It's very evident she carries a lot of anger. I personally found in my own life that the abusers are the first ones that they reconcile with. But the ones who were alongside them enduring the abuse are the ones that end up estranged...

[@kathykoeven]

I understood her to say (eventually) that It was her stepfather that was abusive not her father.

[@elizabethmackay972]

I won’t deny I’m strong willed, and I certainly won’t deny I carry anger from what my mother has done to me over the years. I think anyone and everyone has the right to be angry after enduring prolonged narcissistic abuse, I’m doing my absolute best to work through it in the healthiest way possible. I’m curious, though, what makes you think I’m narcissistic?

[@flamingpieherman9822]

@@Hlthysqrl76 You know nothing of what you say. I was abused as well by my husband. And so was my daughter.

[@Sweetpea064]

Have you ever been to therapy? It doesn’t sound like you have. If you want to better understand where your child is coming from, try it. Because you seem very bitter.

[@flamingpieherman9822]

@@Sweetpea064 I'm not sure if you're talking to me or someone else out here on the comment stream. Yes I've been to therapy, my daughter has been to therapy.... My comment wasn't negative toward this girl. It was only a perspective from what I could see and hear... I'm sure she has reasons for how she feels... But I would hope that there be would help a release some of the anger so that she doesn't hold it inside like she seems to still be doing.

[@sandrakranzwinther3286]

It really cut off abruptly in the end. Feels like this channel is focusing on the estrangement and not how to heal. But to heal you need to take a good look at yourself and that's hard. It's so much easier to just sit in the echo chamber of "I never did anything wrong".

[@RationalNon-conformist]

You don’t reconcile with narcissists.

[@girlfriday1608]

I hear a little bit of anger and some righteousness in this young lady's voice. Perhaps it would be a good idea to seek the word forgiveness and see what it really means..

[@donnahodges5596]

I totally agree. I don’t want to hear stuff from a blame 19 year old . Been there done that

[@elizabethmackay972]

@@donnahodges5596I’m 23

[@kt96282]

Confidence of and full realization and understanding of the trauma one has been through after years of abuse from a narcissist should not be confused with self-righteousness. Forgiveness may help for a time but if either person in a relationship continues to be abusive and refuses to change, that relationship is no longer healthy for either party.

[@PromiseFulfillled]

Forgiveness does NOT equal reconciliation! You can forgive & love from a healthy distance.

[@Sweetpea064]

Of course she’s angry. Her mother unapologetically stole her money. If your child did that you, I think you would have a different perspective. I think you’re just so biased and bitter over your pets situation that you can’t see when an adult child has been really hurt by a parent.

[@Pamela-B]

Aren’t we all a little narcissistic? I get a little bored with that label these days.

[@mrk3815]

delusions won't stop the reactions from your actions

[@Lonelyone1111]

I have 7 adult children most have lost respect for me i use to be powerful strong had money i lost everything so im WORTHLESS NOW. I GAVE THEM EVERYTHING I COULD. Now at 67 i need them and i need emergency help n no one cares. Food is little eat a cup of soup some food pantry food that 50% of the time is eddible. Anyway life sucks duffering alone hungry cold. Rhey think i owe them i ask how i gave them everything an the best start i could. I protected them bc i was sexually abused my oldest daughter said the problem is im sick all the time i didnt ask to be sick. I never beleive id wake up living in poverty hungry begging dor exatentions on electricty. Sitting on a toilet in the freezing cold cant take a shower the faulcet is broke the water heater is broke. Im broke. I want to stand on the corner to beg for help but im very weak what can i do. God help me

[@donnahodges5596]

She’s the narcissist and she can’t hear herself

[@elizabethmackay972]

Why do you think I’m a narcissist?

[@elizabethmackay972]

⁠@@lindateeter2363When you talk about a personal experience, you tend to use the word “I” a lot. What do you think I’m not taking accountability for?

[@propainaccessories]

The person who was robbed their mother is the narcissist? Interesting.

[@cherjohnson5807]

Buck up better cup 👍🏽

[@Stardustpal25]

I would check again your county and state laws, there are rules HOW that mo ey is used. You need to report this as your mother STOLE THAT MONEY. Unless it was years ago of course. Im sorry this happened to you. 🫂💙