External Regulation: Inverted Narcissist not Codependent or Borderline (with Daria Żukowska)

[@alabaster253]

Welp. I’ve never felt more understood. I’m textbook inverted narcissist. Exact the way you describe. I hit each of those diagnostic criteria when not attached to another narcissistic. God this is embarrassing. I never thought I was a narcissist bc I have such genuine low self worth. I never get mad at people and am never jealous. Well not in a negative way, yes I wish I had their life, but still genuinely like other people. My mother was a happy social narcissist that never really looked at me or talked to me in any real sense. My dad was cruel and beat me (even as a shy compliant little girl) and my mom didn’t care I was being abused by him. I just rode quietly on my mom’s wings. She forced me to be social and intellectual and I didn’t mind it. But I was physically and emotionally neglected. If I’m single, I’m scared to do anything. I start deteriorating (due to those diagnostic criteria traits). Right before offing myself I have one last try of “getting my shit together “ and then I end up quickly finding a guy who thinks I’m so kind (I am bc I like him and I like his life). I am jealous of his abilities and amazing full life. He brings me right in. I thrive! I get a degree, a good job, make good money, take care of myself and my family and home. I kick ass:) My self esteem is non existent the whole time- I’m able to do it all thru his “gaze” or emotional support and his pushing. I figure out he’s a grandiose narcissist only when he starts to discard me (I always knew but his Good qualities always outweigh the bad!!). He treats me like dog shit until I’m forced to leave. Well, he’s always treated me awful but I take it like a champ. Never complaining or fighting back. Never saying a single bad word before this. My life begins to deteriorate after the relationship ends. I try to maintain my life, but my self esteem sinks so low I cannot function. Same cycle. Wow I’m trying to comprehend in retrospect why the discard. I think it’s when my self esteem gets hight enough in the relationship that I begin to have a self! I have a couple of opinions. The grandiose narcissist that I had previously catered to does NOT like that. After I leave the relationship, I realize that the life I thought I had built was actually all his. This is too depressing to bear. I start hating the world for what it is. I hate myself even more. Sam I’m here if you ever want a case study.

[@ivette_a7173]

Greetings from Poland. I deeply appreciate your work and thank you for sharing your knowledge.

[@monadualism]

Inverted narcissist can surely act as classic narz with those who are weaker and dependent on her. For example secretly giving her husband’s money to her relatives who are in need gaining by that their appreciation. In that moment she is really grandiose and arrogant.

[@pseudonim-s5i4q]

very clever person ❤

[@Sel817]

Thanks Dr. Vaknin

[@BEKO1973]

Due to the great substantive value of these films, I am asking for a Polish-language version. Thank you in advance.

[@sibongiledlomo390]

I wonder what Sam Vaknin thinks of people like Kanye West and Kim Kardashian. I know he won't do it but I would just love for him to do a video about what he seesbin this people

[@TheAhmetcanization]

Why do you care so much about 2 people that dont give a shit about you?

[@djjones8654]

my mother is covert narcissist.

[@imaanon1668]

Does Dr. V. Have online courses on Natc?

[@jdw9260]

Hi Sam. Thank you so much for all you do and many apologies if this has been covered: If there is no type constancy, in relation to personality disorders, does that mean that the headline intelligence of the covert narcissist is also a fluid state? If not, is this due to a lesser ability to access/experience positive emotion? Therefore impairing deep learning capabilities and generating a greater hurdle, socially, in obtaining supply, rendering them more likely to present in a covert/deflated state?

[@jimhyde5912]

I can see Melanie Trump as a Inverted narcissist and possibly somatic. Does anyone have the same belief?

[@JessMariaDwyer]

That makes senses. Her husband is a big cerebral...he won't meet her physical needs. Somatics need more physical intimacy

[@alyajewellery]

Why does that sound like me?! 😅

[@pamelariddock8820]

😢i am 45yrs old and fk birds of a feather flock together 😂. Eewwww