Fearful Avoidants &The Disconnection Core Wound - Swinging From Activating to Deactivating

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In this video I go over some of the reasons fearful avoidants experience a disconnection core wound, the root causes and how to create change!
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Thank you for watching!

[@iloveTool]

Awesome video. "Disconnection triggers further disconnection" 100% every time. And that is why I can't keep a relationship or get one started. This work seems so hard. When I'm in deactivation mode, it feels way too vulnerable to reach out and try to communicate things through. It definitely does feel like a core wound.

[@tulip5210]

iloveTool * oh I feel this

[@tulip5210]

It’s how a friendship ended for me..

[@iloveTool]

@@tulip5210 Did you have a fight or you just withdrew because you felt some negative way?

[@razvanyke]

Just writing this took a lot of strenght and courage, you are on your right way. Be strong, you will be healed.

[@smileyface702]

"too vulnerable" yes, that's it 100%! I really struggle with being vulnerable. I feel the need to be in control of myself and emotions.

[@soaringdavis8202]

I recognize that I tend to love-bomb my partner FIRST-(that's usually how I notice that something has been triggered) almost like a check-in, an are we okay type of thing, & I go as far as if I have his attention, making my bid to my partner and if it is not acknowledged or rejected totally, THEN I deactivate. If my bid is accepted for a conversation, I express my needs but also I try to listen to my partner's reasoning & if there are some reassurances, I usually reactivate quickly.

[@TatiTalks]

Felt this on very deep level. Laughing at how relatable it was when you talked about going from de-activating to intense work/activating rather than calm middle ground. Great vid, Thais. ❤️🌻

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

So happy you liked this one - PDS team

[@kate7932]

I feel when a wound of disconnection is triggered there is a need not met, being in a place of lack of something and yes, pushing away as a consequence, and this leads to a huge disconnection with the self due to the pain.. so you’ll end up experiencing disconnection from the self and the partner at the same time..

[@kellyking763]

Thais, This gave me so much understanding about my recent breakup with a FA. I’m AA and working on your program in PDS. Thank you for your very approachable, digestible style. You are allowing me to change my life after 50 years. I wish this had been available 30 years ago. I’m so grateful it’s available today.

[@princessleai]

Lol when my parents try to figure out why I have so many mood swings.. not staying happy for a long period of time. Glad I’m watching this now. I need it as a FA

[@jaycieantonia]

Your content has helped me grow so much

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

So happy to hear that Jaycie - PDS team

[@sillymamacita3854]

This describes me so well. I always described it as having two extremes and not knowing how to communicate anywhere in between the two. "Question your stories." This is so helpful!!! ❤

[@frances9973]

This is SO spot on and helps me understand why my FA ex started backing up when we ran into conflicts about the future. SO enlightening! Thank you.

[@jaquiebr3885]

Also would love to hear how adoption would play a role in these attachment styles

[@Edith864]

Very good question 👍

[@saralowe5306]

Probably would depend on the age someone was adopted, what the adoptive parents were like, the persons own personality and if they spent any time with their birthday parents and what reason they were adopted is for example unwanted / abuse/ death of parent. So many different circumstances so many different outcomes I imagine.

[@jaquiebr3885]

Sara Lowe naturally

[@jaquiebr3885]

B the Change wow thank you so much for sharing. I understand so much of this personally as well. I was adopted when I was about 2 and I am in counseling working through not only that and trauma but just processing our stuff as I have always been an emotional stuffer. Yes adoption involves grief and loss and I am just now starting to look deeper into it. It’s a process but i am looking forward to growing and becoming more confident. This channel has definitely helped me think about things I never did before!

[@frances9973]

@@saralowe5306 as the adoptive mom of 2 relinquished/adopted kids with huge trauma wounds I've talked to lots of adoptive parents. My experience is that is does depend on lots of factors adoptive parent attachment/personality being one. But what age they were relinquished matters least. At birth you have already spent 9 months with your birth mom. You are accustomed to her heart beat, her rhythms, etc. When you lose that you are no longer "protected" i.e. you are in fight/flight mode. The most unfortunate thing about adoption is the vast majority of adoptive parents are never ever - NEVER- informed about attachment and attachment trauma. And so the grieving, terrified baby goes into the arms of adoptive parents who are celebrating this wonderful gift they have been given. Think about the times you have been hurting and the world around you is celebrating, joyous and completely out of synch with you. It sucks. You feel like you shouldn't be feeling what you feel. That's what the adopted child feels. I wish I had understood this when I adopted. The relinquished child needs an empathetic environment and they very rarely get it. I know parents who adopted their child in the delivery room and the child STILL ended up with attachment trauma severe enough to require more than a year of attachment centered therapy in a specialized residential treatment center. I am now working to change the conversation about developmental/attachment trauma in this country. There are many things that impact it but age of adoption is not one of them. Sorry for the length, but this is a vitally important topic.😊❤

[@Haley_Halo]

Thank you so much for this and all of your videos, Thais! The timing of finding your channel was impeccable. I'm an FA (leaning Anxious) and I had issues I wasn't addressing with a friend that came from feeling disconnected on different schedules. I was reaching out to them without saying that I had this need(history of needs/feelings going unheard/derided keeps me from even using the term). They were indecisive and responding less and less which made me feel WAY too vulnerable. I then gave in to anger to protect from the pain of loss/betrayal/abandonment. A few months of debating whether it was justified (and watching these videos) I took a huge leap, apologized and admitted that I'm afraid of how much they can hurt me. They had initially responded well, wanting to talk about things but then hasn't. When asked why, they admitted that they don't know where to start and that feeling disconnected has kept them from re-connecting and resolving. I know this is long, thank you if you're reading this. How can we re-connect to feel comfortable enough to work through this?

[@nachogoatcheese1761]

Aaaaah. My biggest trigger itself is either feeling like my boundaries are not being heard or respected, or worrying that they have become "mushy" BC I wasn't clear enough somehow. This can be handled ok with some people but a lot of people into me don't want to have the conversation and might even feel defensive. I recently got accused of telling everyone to f*ck off and I literally only do that with people expressing entitlement and bullying behavior or like, sometimes someone tries to "compliment" me in ways that seem to indicate they don't even see me, and when Im not enthusiastically receptive during or after, they get mad. So. Wtf. These are people everyone should tell to f*ck off.

[@hristuppiteitinu]

I've been searching for this understanding in all the wrong areas, thank you so much for explaining myself to me. Feels like a lightbulb has been turned on.

[@felixthecat2786]

I think I might be this type. I find it enormously difficult to connect with others because I don't know if they're safe, if they're coming or going, or if they're going to believe me/acknowledge me/listen to me. The only reason I've ever left relationships is because of abuse or lack of commitment. If those situations are not present then I will do everything I can to stay and be with me partner. I'm either 100% on or 100% off. I need so much time to disconnect during the day and it's been my normal for so long that I didn't think anything of it. I don't have very many friendships because I struggle to trust and connect with others.

[@Limitlessgal]

wow wow wow, your example is very similar to my mom's alcoholism, the eneshment and being way too close, to not being able to trust, feel safe, and studying behavior of another way too much to judge how I feel within the relationship. it's definitely played out in my long term relationship, but I've really been working on myself and I do see a lot of progress within myself and it's definitely something I can say I'm proud of! thank you!

[@Jehna618]

Hi Thais, Just absolutely love your teaching, it is so profound and helpful, am grateful to have found it. This explains the struggles I've had all my life and how hard it is to be in an intimate long term relationship...feels like pure hell. Sigh! What a relief to step back and see the bigger picture of what's going and then, to dive in to heal/reprogram those old survival mode behaviors that is set to doomed every time. Thank you!

[@Sbl00m]

thank you for doing what you do!

[@razvanyke]

The message is golden, like always. Congrats for improving the recording quality to this awesome format, really like it.

[@matthewwonks2534]

This was incredibly eye-opening.

[@MaKaykay1]

Thank you Thais. I really needed this right now in my life! Thank you 💜

[@mariannemckinney5504]

I am afraid of how accurate you describe me . You are pushing me to look deeper . Thank you. I think I’ve spent most of my current relationship in disconnect

[@jerrykasinger8621]

Some of these go in one ear and out the other...this one grabbed me

[@me.1587]

I am learning so much about myself that I am going to begin journaling after your videos to work on those wounds/disconnections. Thank you so much. Very grateful.

[@MikelD2017]

I needed this video big time, was triggered yesterday and was way to overwhelmed and pulled away. The disconnection feeling was definitely there. Connecting the dots was huge

[@roarfiercefemininerisingma9607]

I've been doing one of your online courses. I practiced asking to have my needs met the other day and it was so hard. Lol but your course is mind-blwong. ❣ FA

[@ummewaseem4910]

beautiful video as always. with regards to disconnection triggering further disconnection, for me it largely depends on how big the disconnection is/ what meaning i give to it. if it feels manageable/salvageable through some change in behaviour on my part, i tend to go towards activating strategies and changing my own behaviour to help connect better. however, if it feels largely dangerous or my trust has been broken or its too overwhelming for me, then i tend to further the disconnection.

[@clairedine8320]

I love your channel so much I had no idea how much all of these things were affecting me! I honestly thought I was going crazy! Thank you thank you thank you 💕

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

You're not going crazy, you're awesome! Thank you for the wonderful comment - PDS team

[@anewchapter1336]

@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool Thank you so much! I ordered your book and it arrived today so I am about to start reading it. All you FA videos are completely what is going on with me. I am 48 and only now figuring this all out about myself and it has been painful to peel back the layers. My husband of 21 years is a DA.

[@corinnefisher166]

So insightful & helpful 😢😢

[@nicholasbogosian5420]

I relate a lot to the disconnection core. However, in looking at the times I've disconnected from people in the face of the disconnection pain I don't regret it really - because it was in response to deep seated disconnection. Like realizing someone didn't actually care about me, or didn't respect me, or there was just a deep chasm of world view, values, etc. I do regret, though, how I can't just let things fade out or just exist as disconnection - I seem to have to make it more concrete of a separation. Which feels more of a traumatized operation.

[@MindfulAttraction2.0]

Interesting 😭

[@tiffanysbeautifuljourney]

I’ve watched your vids before, you something else😂🤦🏽‍♀️😂... I love your authenticity tho💯💯💯

[@nl4941]

Stop trying to attract audience from this wholesome youtube channel to yours x) it will be a trillion steps backwards for those people, who are here to ditch the mindgames and become secure

[@jerrykasinger8621]

Oyyy Hard for me to hear... Really resonates.. hits home... Trying to understand myself better, and this helps.. alot. Thanx again.. super helpful

[@jaquiebr3885]

This describes me to a T. Although I do feel like I do have some other things in common with the other attachment styles as well.

[@siryoucantdothat9743]

We became strangers to our own selves , self alienated while simultaneously disconnected from others , living in this limbo we go through life paralyzed by numbness from the void inside , i desperately hoped for a savior because of the magnitude of despair from these feelings/core wounds i no longer felt like human in the past and i made my life significant by my own hands and restored some faith in myself while everyone else dumped their traumas on me because i was a timid child who just wanted to feel love chasing validation because all i felt is wasn’t good enough and whenever i expressed my feelings i heard how everyone else had it worse than me and i was only allowed to express pain and needs if i won the pain marathon by being the worst victim which happened to be the same parent that is abusing me ( buckle up ) so my feelings was disowned because in their eyes i was never enough and my suffering wasn’t justified and I should masochistically live in their because they’re the gods of my life and that they own me and own all my states and what to think and how to feel , they used any mean necessary to break my will then poorly gaslight me ( it wasn’t even anywhere believable to at least make it less painful) and i would pass the day they die like nothing happened i could never forgive them no matter what for all the cruelty and emotional sadism i had to live with

[@CristinaaaMx]

Thank you so much. Please talk about DAs

[@ishtaneel8305]

Im a FA. At d time of conflict, ill b all strong n ready deactivate n end d relationship. Later i feel scared n lonely. Try to super activate. I MUST TK D MIDDLE PATH.

[@TheAsmaahmed]

Wats the usual time frame of shifting from deactivating to active state? Im in a relationship with a guy who i guess is FA.. currently I'm in a no contact mode with him.. i just wanna know wats the avg time frame ths shift happens in

[@tdubblz]

Advocating for my needs was a major step. Learning to accept the outcomes I don’t desire is what I struggle with now. I communicate my desires to feel connected and close, and the people I’m talking to still keep a distance from me. This is confusing to me so I shut down

[@tdubblz]

@@sunbeam9222 agreed… but I’m talking about family and relatives…. My parents have a lot of narcissistic traits…. I was coming to terms with understanding all of this at the time, but I’m in a much better place now. I just stopped caring about them being an active part of my life, or anyone for that matter… and just focus on the relationships that do fulfill my needs, like my husband and children.

[@chrismccaffrey8256]

Realising where my deactivating shows up in everyday life, staying in my room a lot. Oh and alos watching films/tv series serves my beed to disconnect frorm relaity and real life people, as well as my anxious yearning for love and connection and community (romance films or films which display connection like the walking dead (community and tribe)) without the complications of actually working through it.

[@henryzhao4622]

Any advice from FAs on when you deactivate, what would you want a loved one to do? Is simply waiting the only good thing? Reach out occasionally?

[@angiematthews1512]

I can’t QUITE find myself in here although I believe I’m fearful avoidant. ( starting therapy after figuring this out by reading “Attached”). I’m 14 years out of an adulterous marriage. Actually 2 adulterous marriages. ( one was only for a year at age 18). In 14 years, I’ve dated some wonderful men. After about 2-4 months I’ve had enough and I end things. Often regret it later. Does anyone know if there is a video specifically about dating as an FA rather than being in a relationship!? I can’t even GET to the relationship point.

[@kmoses92]

This is my ex, we would be in an amazing place and then with a flick of a switch she would ask me what’s wrong with me and say that she feels disconnected. She would blame it on me as if I did something wrong.

[@SadhviJenn]

DBT and psychocybernetics and learning how to self love and self soothe probably helps.

[@mollysreadings4845]

I might be like this, I think the person I'm dealing with is more likely. But while this is all interesting, I'm starting to think the simple answer is they're just not into you. Same end result.

[@ummewaseem4910]

i have a question about how needs dont get reprogrammed. surely needs would get reprogrammed too as part of becoming more secure. for example, the huge emphasis on safety. would that not evolve along with becoming more secure? like if you started feeling like you weren't constantly in danger and could relax, would your hyper focus on, and need for safety not reduce? i myself have a huge need for novelty/uncertainty and find myself being very thrill seeking, i think it is to do with me being FA and having learned to find comfort and excitment in unpredictability since it is largely all ive ever known. would that not change as i become more secure? and dont feel the need to constantly chase thrills and danger/uncertainty

[@TJ-nq5nt]

A lot of fighting going on. That means something has to to change.

[@msCapri7777]

What course can I find the deactivating and activating strategies for fearful avoidant.

[@cansylmaz6]

I thought deactivating meant that I don’t actually love my partner. I associate love with limerence, otherwise it’s just boring to me

[@maiabergman]

Hi Thais, is this content available in written anywhere? Would be happy to purchase. Thanks!

[@diamondlee625]

Would love to here how to activate DAs to open up. I’m FA and this is also very helpful. Thank you I watch videos on myself and also my partners styles hoping and praying for the best

[@vik7628]

I am so tried of being an F.A

[@user-qu8zs7vs1x]

Are FAs usually more likely to get into relationships with covert narcissists who present as protectors?

[@user-js4mt1nr2y]

I've been with a covert narcissist. He was a victom of life and everything and simultaneously was better than anyone. I guess I fell for the charisma and the love bombing but simultaneously I have the saviour complex where I want to safe and fix people. So I fell for his victomhood. In the relationship tho I was always wrong after he hurted me. Somehow was apologising for expressing my needs, boundries or when he did me wrong. I was severely confused and felt more and more insecure as he was pointing out my flaws and simultaneously said my best features weren't good enough or somehow also wrong. I couldn't do anything right and as a perfectionistic Fa that felt always safe by people pleasing I was in a total crisis and barely dared to say anything. I noticed how he broke every promise and was not consistent and there was nothing left to trust upon. After giving everything he said in the moment more more and afterwards how miserable he was around me. It's hard to tell these things as Fa, saviour behaviour or people pleasing can come across on paper as narcisstic. Somehow he seemed to show my subconscious coping meganisms to survive and feel safe as manipulation tactics to hurt and get what he wants. I did think back than he was Fa aswell because of his hot and cold behaviour but it was way more calculated and it's more in a gradual system of giving less each time. Which isn't the same at all as me. I am overly empathetic and ofcourse on the codependent side. So yea that is defenatly what attracts to eachother especially if you are not self aware yet. But I defenatly was push and pulling myself aswell but that's also a natural reaction being played around with your emotions and such. I actually don't want to look back anymore to that time. I recognise now those red flags and I am more aware of the green ones while simultaneously not being lived through my coping meganisms but self aware and working on healing. But I did wanted to give you this perspective on your question :).

[@user-js4mt1nr2y]

I figuered I fall for wounded people and want to help them because that is what I wished someone did for me. The difference with Fa and narcissism is empathy and the lack of it. I am still not secure and still fall for people being able to be vulnerable with me and want to grow. I can't expect people to be perfect as I am not either. But I would love to grow together. Basically I working on being interdependent. To find a balance in being there for others and letting others in and be there for me aswell and not thinking so much for others at the cost of myself or having to isolating myself to be able to listen to my own needs.

[@Twisterbeast]

How about an FA disconnecting because of an illness, do they disconnect as long as they feel in physical danger? until the pain is gone? what if they have to live through a long-term illness? Thanks!!

[@superduperjoi6800]

My first video and it hurts. Fearful avoidant and I am intuned to others overly observant but not myself. Give less info about myself

[@kimreynolds6747]

Can a FA deactivate for months? My husband has been in the deactivated stage for 4 months now..any advise would be great

[@user-js4mt1nr2y]

I feel disconnected, I approach but am asking thr other to do the work. For instance.. I would love it to this together sometime. Now I wanf them to pick up my bid and initiate a date or something like that. When that is not happening I feel even more disconnected and I leash out by looking for a signal someone doesn't care for me. Hey why haven't texted me or something like that. The person feels attacked and tells me so than I have to say sorry but still the other one retreats after that, again I feel alone and even punished for reaching out. Now I will feel I don't need that person anyways. It's the looking for flaws or pushing people away right after not getting the need met that makes go through these patterns. Which is what I try to not do anymore. The faster I can say sorry I behaved like that because I felt ignored it wasn't right the better but sometimes they already felt attacked and hurt that they have to retreat anyways. So.. Would be nice If I could stop the process a step earlier.. Being aware of my need and express it in a healthy way instead of a blaming way. I believe anxious people do that way more tho but I feel like my pattern is more painfull in a way as I isolate myself even more which was already my pain therefor proving the believes of being left alone to myself.. Aswell as I tent to have rules how they have to make up.. So I want the closeness and miss them but I am protecting myself by saying you should take more accountability! Say sorry! Or something like that. People really hate it when I do that 😢

[@jessicarechichi3706]

I have a question - because I am this attachment style then you potentially attract abusive partners ..emotionally or physically etc. so my question is how can you work on your attachment style if in fact you may be with a triggering partner ? I have noticed these disconnected wounds coming up in my current relationship but I did not have this so much in my last relationship

[@kate7932]

In my opinion since I have this attachment too and I finished with people that were abusive or triggered me a lot, I wouldn’t stay from a point of self love in a relationship with a triggering partner.. you shouldn’t be the only one securely attached.. if it’s triggering then maybe better single and working on that.. also why is he triggering you?

[@estherh.1106]

Video starts at: 2:01

[@charitys7866]

Wouldn’t being so hyper attuned to a persons body language/patterns etc be actual relating? How can the fa distinguish between actuality and over reactivity?

[@charitys7866]

Actual reality*

[@IanRoyball128]

❤

[@cmdcxx]

As their partner, what can we do when they are teetering?

[@her_joy108]

Thank you very much Thais. I wanted to ask if its common for a FA, when they are on the way of healing the wounds of enmeshenment trauma, to enter into a space of "I want and I can do what I like, I need my needs met, I am standing up for myself" etc. But with that practice of starting to meet your own needs of all of a sudden for the first time in life, can person start to feel really really uncomfortable, as it was maybe in childhood or later on, uncomfortable for "Oh no that is going to upset [somebody important] , even if there is no one around right now who would pick up a stick and hit you :) but you are still deeply afraid of behaving as you want for your needs in life. I think I start to face it now, and it feels funny to see that space of fear and expectation of upsetting, hurting somebodys feelings by just being yourself. And nobody anymore screams at me, for following my hearts needs, but as I start to do it more regularly now, it Came to a stage of feeling fearful. It would go away no doubt after continuation of positive practice. Just interested if this is result of starting to meet your own needs after enmeshenment trauma. Thank you. Sorry I couldnt explain it that easy :)

[@Kivlor]

Any tips for trying to heal and improve yourself as an FA when you're in a toxic relationship that you can't reasonably end? Asking for a friend.

[@Kivlor]

Also: 4:42 ouch. That hurt. Don't attack me personally like that lol.

[@jaycieantonia]

My boyfriend is leaving for school and we will be long distance.... could that be a reason I have been deactivating lately?

[@kazbaby212]

Yes, perhaps you are trying to be ready for some form of pain and in turn you're creating that for yourself?

[@jaycieantonia]

kazbaby212 I agree, I did some reflection and I communicated to my boyfriend about how I was feeling and it helped a lot. I realize now that my deactivating strategies are kind of like a form of protection but like you said I’m causing that pain for myself prematurely. I know better now 🙌🏾

[@yogaboy55]

😢

[@nielsdaemen]

6:05 The only logical thing to do is to try and reconnect, the FA does the oposite. I can't understand that

[@harper6032]

1:57

[@henriksandbacka9442]

Seeing someone suddenly become Facebook-friends with an ex. Could that be a typical trigger for a Fearful Avoidant?

[@smiths698]

It would be for me and I'm a FA leaning towards AA

[@Am-js1ue]

Yes

[@cermis11]

Could anybody give me some suggestions or share some of your experiences. My ex broke up with me about 6 months ago, she treated me very badly, and when i told her that she really need to think how she behave to me, she find a new guy in about 1.5 month, while still living with me. She has avoidant attachment style, but to be honest still not sure if dismissive or fearful, i have anxious attachment style. Even though i tried to deal with issues, discuss and overcame of issues, it was just not possible at that time. We have talked after 6 months. She told me that she is happy now, that she treats a new guy totally opposite than me, she is caring, taking care about him, cooking for him, talking, etc., but she never did this to me within 3 years of our relationship. Our mutual friend told me that that new guy is bahve like 15years old teenager. I am totally confused again and dont understood how she could change such quickly, from not caring about anything (with me) to caring and opened with a new guy. Any experiences?

[@iloveTool]

I have been left for someone else before too, it's too painful. But the best thing is to not blame yourself or try to figure out why she acts differently with someone else. Also all new relationships start off good because the 2 people don't really know each other yet, they are in the honeymoon stage where everything is fresh and new and exciting. That fades with time and people's issues come to the surface.

[@cermis11]

@@iloveTool I totally agree. She even admit me about a week ago when we met that she was afraid that she will be alone, therefore jumped into something new (with first guy she met on Tinder). About 2 week after our breakup she send me message saying that se sabotage our relationship, and that she has a feeling not be able to connect deeply to anybody. Now (after several months), she told me that she dont even remember that she ever sent such message. At the beginning i was all the time reading about rebound relationships, studied all attachment styles and personal growth books,etc. At the moment, i dont care if its a rebound or not, i have to remember myself that i can not change her, i can not help her when she dont really wanna help. Now i see that she is with guy who never had a relationship before, acting immature, etc.

[@gracechan3039]

I know it’s almost impossible to do but, you should be thinking “why did I let myself get treated so badly in a relationship. Why don’t I believe that I can do better?”

[@ishtaneel8305]

Hey ... cheer up. Gud u r learning abt human psychology. Ur ex cud b a NARCISSIST. Denying d msg or words they spoke is GASLIGHTING. Pls learn more on these key topics. You will enter a different horizon. Al d best dear.

[@cermis11]

Thank you all for sharing your expeiences. I agree, that i am still sort of focus on what she is doing and how she behaved. Its very complicated to not to know what she is doing as her sister and my best friend are married and we are together all the time, so time to time they say something about her, she alredy sent me few messages during last 6 months asking how i am doing, etc. I am working on myself, doing a lot of activities, which helped me extremlly over last 6 months. But also dealing with my issues, had a many talks with my mother to know from where my anxiety is coming from, etc. At the beginning i wanted her back, to be honest. At the moment i dont want her back, beucase i am sure its not possible to make it work. But i am somehow sorry for her, as i might now that she will not be happy again, and that was all what i wanted for her, even with somebody else. I dont think she is NARCISSIST. She show a lot of avoidant as well as anxious behaviour. She was fighting with me almost all 3 years of our relationship about some girl from weeding, i always tried to arguing tha ti would rather choose somebody better, more fit, etc. She used this to fight and control our relationshop all the time. Funny is that week ago, she told me that she know that these fights were not about any girl, but about something different. During our relationship, she was not giving me hugs, was not saying kind worrds (love you, etc.) even though we always talked abouf future, family, etc., not show much emotions, wanting sex but was sort of enjoying it from physical aspecs, accusing me to be overlly sensitive (acting as a women). Which is correct, from her behaviour perspective. I was like somebody who is doing everything about households, etc. I was always saying myself, that she has very demanding job (Vet) and always under stress, so did not see any of these issues before. She actually act as a man in relationship, she was not showing any emotions after breakup. She did not care about anything at home, no cleaning, no going to grocery, no coking, not helping me in general, dirty dog in bed, spilled wine in bed,etc. And then she was even angry to me, when i told her to take care about spilling wine to bed, that i care more about bed linen than about her. Now i believe this would make anxious almost everybody :D :D :D :D

[@lisacampbell8421]

W I’ll go I

[@caitm8209]

It sounds like you are describing splitting. I feel like I am FA but I do not split this dramatically. I don't blame someone else for disconnecting and it always feels like a problem that I have inside myself. I am just not good enough to be connected. Is this more DA than FA? I know I am not fully DA, but tend to relate more to the DA videos than FA ones.

[@missjk00]

I'm so curious... when a FA is "activating" - can that be an over embellishment of what they actually feel or their secret desires? Like.. an FA i was dating would say.."I want to move in together. Lets make a baby. You'll be a beautiful mother." He'd say this over and over when he was activating and I'm not sure if he actually meant that.

[@Kivlor]

8:37 Some of your stories might be true; most of them are not going to be true. "What I want to know is: out of all the stories you've told me, which ones were true, and which ones weren't? My dear Doctor, they're all true. "Even the lies?" Especially the lies.

[@jordanlevitt1638]

You look so tired Thais, hope you're taking care of yourself!

[@jtabal100]

What is the point of this msg.