Fiancee Gave An Ultimatum To Contribute 50/50 Or We're Over r/Relationships

[@Stillbourne42]

I don’t get why people don’t get that. If you insist that everything is 50/50, you base it off the lower income.

[@DrewLSsix]

Well off privileged people are surprisingly financially illiterate.

[@jimdob6528]

@@DrewLSsixabout half of humanity is financially illiterate

[@nothereyetlost]

Well it’s the same people who think domestic labor equals zero contribution. These people are not correct in the head. Let her stop cooking or doing anything in the house for a week. You’ll see the contribution right quick.

[@BenSwagnerd]

If my husband and I based 50/50 on our lower income (I'm disabled) we would not have anywhere to live. Relationships should never be 50/50 anything. If you're keeping track of both of you going half in, that's doomed. The only numbers you need to worry about are 100 100% respect 100% love 100% communication Everything else is just details.

[@nothereyetlost]

@@BenSwagnerd so your wife is making the money, making the babies, giving you sex, cooking and cleaning. So my dear what do you contribute? Why isn’t it that by marrying you she got triple burden. What do you bring to relieve that? Bc the whole purpose if marriage is to make life easier by sharing it. YOU have a reason to get married. But why would she ?

[@thekameru6058]

Story 1 - She's insane even thinking about marrying him at this point. He has proven the following about himself: he has shit communication skills. Shit money management skills. Poor prioritization skills, since he thought having fancy shit is more important than MENTAL HEALTH MEDICATION. He has temper problems and Is manipulative. AND he thinks SHES a gold digger, and allows his family to disrespect her. And hes been acting like HE is the prize here?! Imagine getting legally tied to this garbage fire, and having KIDS with him, oh my god.

[@Davtwan]

The fact that he skipped his psych meds... That was the dumbest move. Clearly, he can’t maintain temperament without them.

[@kittymcmeowmeow1]

I can't even fathom thinking him not taking his meds is something "sweet" in an attempt to keep up their lifestyle. I just recently was off one of my medications for 3-4 days because the pharmacy was being stupid, and I had a breakdown in a restaurant. Him not taking his medication is dangerous and putting his job, fiance, and everything else all at risk

[@carolsimpson4422]

@@kittymcmeowmeow1 he must be a very fast talker to convince her of that!

[@redonyx5428]

so instead of being honest, he just decided to accuse op of being a golddigger? bf overextended himself because he's been conditioned that material things mean you love someone. i think he just likes nice things and is just using her as an excuse. i personally think op is being a bit of a sucker sticking with this guy because it sounds like he has a lot of untreated issues and his family is horrible. that's way too much for me tbh

[@lynnw7155]

OP needs to find a place she can afford and move out. This relationship is imploding, so best to be in a safe place when it does. There's clearly more going on.

[@Davtwan]

Like the fact fiancé skipped his meds to appear more rich than he actually is. If he thinks his reputation is more important than his mental health, then he’s got serious problems.

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

​@@Davtwan He does.

[@KCohere33]

He has no damn right to be angry that the partner who makes considerably less money, can’t suddenly pay for half the expenses. Did he expect her to get a second job or something?

[@susankaempfer8427]

Eh, someone’s been pouring poison in his ear and he’s an insecure child.

[@CroobieLetter]

He thought she had endless savings

[@Mischa21xo]

Yeahhhh...she makes jack sh*t and he's expecting her to pay half of the expenses with her 35k a year salary?? Just Between the cars and house every month that's $6,000, and half of that is $3,000... not including paying her own gas, cell phone, food, and whatever else.... she makes about $2,900 a month so she couldn't even afford half to begin with and would have absolutely nothing left over for gas, food, or a cell phone... so that makes no sense whatsoever. It is amazing to me though how they are just two people, yet they are paying $4,000 a month rent?! Like Wtf for? Also, what kind of gift is it to give somebody a car that is not even paid off and you are making car payments on it and about to allow that gift to be repossessed? That is the most ridiculous thing that I've ever heard. If he wanted to get her a car, he could have and should have just gotten her something like a new Honda Civic for $22k - $30k and paid for it all at once. It's a cheaper car that runs great and lasts forever and the repairs are cheaper than other cars as well. He is such an idiot and is going to spend them both into the ground with unnecessary luxuries that he cannot even afford in the long term.

[@juliearmfield2634]

Story 2. Nta. So she wants the princess treatment while she gives him the pauper treatment. She has no respect for him she does not see him as a partner she sees him as an ATM. The best decision he's ever made is to get away from her

[@leegraves8878]

He treats her like a queen she treats him like a peasant.

[@johnbradbury8610]

OP is a huge AH for working 70 hrs a week to provide for a stay-at-home GF. Then he gets a maid. Smack, smack, smack. Op is a total simp. The only saving grace is that he hasn't married her yet. Op deserves what he gets.

[@KadeStringer2.0]

@@johnbradbury8610op isn’t at fault

[@juliearmfield2634]

@@johnbradbury8610 well he kicked her to the curb at the end so he wised up

[@johnbradbury8610]

@@juliearmfield2634 yeah, I posted before reading the end. Op still deserves some smacks for allowing her to walk all over him like that.

[@whitneylivingston5706]

Story 1) OP is way more patient than I would be in that situation. I would have offered the terms she did with the “if we are going to split bills 50/50 then it’s going to be based on my income”, but when he gave her the cold shoulder of angry, I would have walked away. I don’t tolerate gaslighting.

[@Letha-AnnCooper]

If it’s going to be 50/50 then it’s 50/50 everything. Financial. Household chores, yard work etc.

[@dionysus_adores]

Yeah that much debt is terrifying. She's not in debt though, he is unless he took out loans in her name or maxed her card. I think she should've left after the gaslighting.

[@marcsando]

Story 2: OP works 70 hours a week (14 hrs./day?!!) and then comes home, cares for the yard, the vehicles and more, and is accused of NOT DOING ENOUGH?! What is wrong with this picture? What's wrong is that OP hasn't moved her out yet, and that there are people out there supporting such an unjust imbalance in a relationship. She doesn't want a husband, she wants an indentured servant! OP, communication, YES, fairness and balance, YES, but as things stand now, marriage, NO. This is not a partnership, nor is it a way to live and grow, for either of you. No one can advance when they are "me deep" in their own way of seeing things.

[@Tevikolady]

My husband works 12hr days, 4 days on 1 day off. That is 72hrs in a week. Before that, he worked rotating shift work12hr days. Why the hell should he come home and do cooking or cleaning, laundry or lawn care. He does odd jobs that come up that are outside my scope of being able to do. Even I, if I space myself out, only do 8 hrs a day, (not being a mother on top of that) cook and clean and take care of the house. And still, throughout all of this, he still finds time to take me out on a date every week. So basically, on his day off he takes me out. This is not a SAHM. This is a leech.

[@bjtaylor-j9w]

He has refused to allow he to have a career, and her own money, or a life of her own. He decided that she would be a SAHM, without giving her any say in the matter. His chauvinist attitude belongs in the history books. He needs to drag himself into the 21st century. Women are EQUAL to men, and MEN need to pull their weight with the housework. None of you have the balls to reply politely. You will be so boring, and spew the usual abuse, name calling, patronising, and sneering. YAWN!!!!!!!

[@huskytail]

That's insane to me! People started thinking men are some endless source of money, energy and emotional support so we, women, can feel like everyday princesses. I'm exaggerating a bit but I've heard many worse cases. There was a story from Korea where not only the guy was working insane hours RUNNING, like physically running to be able to cover the timetables, to do deliveries but was supposed to take care of the kids his off day, so his SAHM wife could have a day off according to some people in the comments.

[@Avoidnow]

Story 2, I’m so glad the OP realised what she was doing. Great that he got out.

[@JasperCatProductions]

Story one I’d dump him ……OP is smart to live in her budget. This dude would drag her down. Story 2 dump her and don’t have kids with her. You working 70 hours and she has the nerve to want you to do 50% of the housework….and pay off her freaking debt? Dump city!

[@darkmask5933]

The brass balls on the GF in story 2, she just conned OP into paying for a maid and didn't even wait 24 hours before she was like "By the way, I have $15,000 in credit card debt I need you to pay off before I let you marry me, smooches! ❤". He buckled once so she was in full palm over fist trying to get as much as she could thinking OP's wallet was open, but she reached too far and punched him in the nuts instead. Bet she is not going to make it easy going forward, she'll refuse to pick up her stuff, tell everyone its his fault because he accused her of being a gold digger, and will make life difficult at work. OP really dug himself into a pit here, good luck to him crawling out and not ending up waist deep in shit.

[@tinkrtailr]

Okay, but the minute OP said her fiance makes 120k a year, I KNEW he was over-spending. 120k/year cannot afford both a Range Rover and an Audi, they're both way overpriced cars. Not only that, but prescription medication, especially for mental health issues, can be prohibitively expensive (source: I take multiple).

[@tracicolvis7382]

Came here to say the same! I don't get how OP never picked up on that herself.

[@julieeverett7442]

depends on where you are, if you talking US yes

[@MassiveChoad-vr5gy]

No? both those cars would cost 60-80k

[@LoveK1]

@@MassiveChoad-vr5gyno, it depends on what model they have. Those cars can get very pricey.

[@robertx8020]

@@LoveK1 So which model do they have? And how can OP know if he didn't have any savings?

[@tatalsaba]

Story 2: I'm amazed there were people taking the side of the OP's girlfriend with arguments about her becoming a stay at home mom, which she at no point was!

[@donniejefferson9554]

Its reddit. They'll take the side of a stay at home mom no matter what. "Everyone needs free time" they say to the man working 70 hours a week while his gf who works 20 can't even manage to do basic house chores

[@Rose-yt5hi]

@@donniejefferson9554For real. You just know if the OP was the woman in the relationship, every single commenter would be telling her to RUN (as they should because YIKES). Lmao.

[@TheAuthorgal]

This! Like if her argument against homeschooling was that she thought it would be too much on top of keeping the house, or because she didn’t think she would be able to give them a good education or enough socialization would be reasonable. Because she wanted to have day time hobbies is like a smack in the face.

[@amemooress6291]

​@@donniejefferson9554Generalizations like this aren't helpful, but the majority definitely got this one wrong

[@victorialopez781]

Not me as a former SAHM. She was living the dream and messed it up cause she’s greedy

[@hdeodh]

S2: Dump her.. the stress she brings is not worth it... It makes no sense for him to date down to that degree... She sounds like she wants to live off his money

[@timolange633]

The comment on Story 2 was insane. How was it not obvious that the girlfriend was a Gold digger after that? She works 5 hours per day for 5 days of the week, he works almost 12 hours for 6 days of the week. Even ignoring income or her expectations regarding gender roles, expecting him to do 50% of the household Chores would be insane. Factor those two things in (plus all of the stuff OP mentioned in the update) and you have such severe insanity that it is virtually unimagineable for anyone to endure it. It is depressing that he put up with it as long as he did But even more depressing how much people's opinion seemed to switch (including Marke's) from original post to update since all the signs were there in the original post.

[@Vipre-]

My favorite was the one that went "something, something, everyone deserves free time". Apparently to that commenter "everyone" doesn't include the OP because in addition to 70hr work weeks, commute time, all car, lawn, and home maintenance, he's also expected to do half the cleaning and whatever else while she works 25 hours a week and plans to be a stay-at-home mom while he works himself to death to pay for all the things SHE wanted in the first place.

[@EluneAnzu]

Story 1: Yeaaaaaaah, OP definitely needs to call off the "fiance" bit even if she wants to stay with him (for now), if they get married any debt HE occurs she'll also be strapped with. Also I love the fact his family looks down at her for being poor, well well well family, at least SHE didn't overspend herself into debt.

[@christopheravila7989]

In the second story, it sounds like his wife just wanted him to do everything while she lived carefree

[@wildblue0]

Story 1: IMO, either he's found a better option and wants her to break up with him, or he's starting the financial abuse early. Glad she's not falling for it.

[@felix0-014]

To be completely frank OP needs to bail on the relationship in story 1. He lied, made her feel bad for being broke, and tried to get her to spend her savings all while dragging both of their finances through the gutter. If those cars get repossessed and OP cosigned any of those, she is beyond screwed on her credit report. They could have ended up homeless because of this man's greed and desire to showboat. He shouldn't be coddled regarding his mental health in this situation. Bad mental health sucks but unless you are absolutely delusional, there is no excuse for him to be dragging down his SO and being a general A-hole instead of telling the truth up front. This reminds me of that lady who racked up 200k in credit card debt behind her husband's back. I hope OP never has children with this man. He is next level unreliable as a provider

[@amemooress6291]

Im still in the middle of the first update but -- if your fiance is concealing critical financial information from you to the point that you're about to lose basically everything and they've gone off their meds -- do not marry. All of that money has gone /somewhere/, and you need to be worried (assuming he didnt hide losing his job).

[@dorianleakey]

NO MARKEE! NO! THAT IS NOT TEXTBOOK GASLIGHTING! Gaslighting is when you try to convince people they are mad, in relationships its convincing them they are mad to see behaviour as abusive.

[@tinywaterdrinker5136]

He lied, blew up, and manipulated to try to drain his gf all of her of every penny she has so he can keep his nice cars. Sounds like he truly loves her. Husband material

[@juliearmfield2634]

Yeah doesn't he. 😂

[@lynnw7155]

Yeah; it's not even the cars or the debt. It's the fact that he didn't tell her. And that she didn't have a clue. They live together and are engaged, but she didn't know about ANY of this??? There's no communication and some serious "don't-want-to-know" there. My prediction is that he will eventually start resenting her for forcing him to live frugally.

[@Jane_doe2400]

I see her as the draining one. Someone who doesn’t do much around the house or pay bills🤔 how is he the draining one??? Because he wants her to help out and not just bum off him??

[@juliearmfield2634]

@@Jane_doe2400 he was helping them live beyond their means and didn't inform her what their financial situation really was

[@Jane_doe2400]

@@juliearmfield2634 she should know her own financial situation also it shouldn’t be all up to him. And again she has the money to help out and don’t she has no problem spending all of his money but when it comes to her it’s a no and breakup worthy? Lmao definitely a gold digger and explains why he’s broke she, I’d be broke to if I had someone taking my money and refusing to go 50/50. He shoulda done that from the beginning before she drained him

[@g.oxford]

OP's fiance should go through all paperwork from the last vehicle bought. There's no way he should have been given the loan. If fiance still has his copy of the loan application and it lists his true income and his other monthly expenses(house payment and other car payment) then he needs to ask the financial institution who is handling the loan for a copy they received. It's totally possible the salesperson changed his income on the submitted application so he would get the loan, as he would have been denied otherwise. If different amounts contact a lawyer and get out of that contract.

[@paperkay]

That schoolteacher is staying with her shitty fiance after he ran their finance into the ground and gaslit and belittled her, but his family is calling HER a golddigger. Adorable.

[@troubleinthevalley5884]

Man: "This is how it's going to be, take it or leave it!" Same man: "You're bulldozing me, I can't even talk to you." Like, WHAT?!?!

[@mbyerly9680]

From the sound of it in the first story, it's the BF, not OP, who has all that debt. OP could just walk away. Whatever happens, good luck to her with such a damaged BF.

[@Raggmopp-xl7yf]

S1: Her response was realistic and brilliant. If he wants 50/50 it has to be within HER means - not his! The way he shut her down tells me he won't openly discuss his real reasons for this ultimatum all of a sudden, is a major red flag. Post edit: Her original plan to live within her means is the best answer for them at this point. Living beyond your means is a problem most people have. If you can't monthly pay ALL your debts off (utilities, rent aside) in full, you are living beyond your means.

[@amandab8433]

Story 2. As a former Secular Homeschool mom (k-12 total of 25 YEARS with three kids), it's NOT a lifestyle for everyone. It's a 24/7 endeavor that completely takes over your life, because if your kids fail you will have no one to blame except yourself. All three have attended/are currently attending UC Berkeley. Looking back I'd say I'd do it again, but I'm also glad that part of our lives is over.

[@jessicawolfe5861]

Oh my gosh the comment from the person who makes up chores for her dad to come do for her so he can feel like he is taking care of her, even when she doesn't need it. And how much he loves being able to contribute still. So beautiful ❤

[@Iflie]

Right? he's like superdad and it still makes him just as happy. I have read about many dads that do not say "I love you"to their grown kids but when they visit they will find flaws to fix, like that door that has a noise or the tap that's leaking and fix it. They may grumle but it's their way of saying he loves them.

[@lina9535]

It reminded me of my maternal grandpa. My dad passed when I was 9, and maternal grandma passed the year after, so my mom and I moved in with grandpa so he wouldn't be alone in the house (he had a small house/villa, not a fancy villa though, it's just the name we call those houses). Mom moved out to be with her "bf" when I was a teen, and I didn't move out until I was 21 or 22, when I found a place that was within a reasonable walking distance from grandpa (my main reason for not moving sooner was that the other options were too far, I don't have a license, and I felt guilty for "leaving him all alone"). While I lived there, he did his usual thing, took care of the housework (I did my own room, helped if I was "allowed" lol), and he did the cooking (well, dinner. I wasn't big on breakfast, and for most part I had lunch when I was still in school, so until I turned 18). He always said I was "grateful to cook for" (translated so it might sound weird), because I was happy with whatever he made, even if I'd had that for lunch in school. He was happy to help me with small things if I needed it, or have me help him with the computer, phone, tv, or translating something in English. He had this little "lexicon" on the table in the livingroom, so he could look up certain words, and ask me for clarification if needed. One of the best memories is when mom and I took him and 2 of his friends on a weekend trip to London (he'd always wanted to go, partially to have "real Fish'n'Chips"). I had schoolwork with me, so I stayed in one day while they went out, and mom said later it was fun to see how an 86 (at the time) year old with semi-good English managed to talk to the locals and still be understood. Not gonna lie, he did use a lot of Swenglish (Swedish-English), I helped out a few times when he didn't know the word (I'm already used to being my moms walking lexicon). I think he really enjoyed the years when mom and I lived with him. He was a classic "grieve in secret" kind of man, and I only caught him crying once, but he didn't know I saw it. It was after my cat passed away. At least he got his "wish" to pass away in that house. He'd built it with his dad, so it meant a lot to him.

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

The problem with splitting costs 50/50 is that your standard of living MUST default to the lowest common denominator- that is, what the person with the lowest income is capable of affording. If that's not something you're okay with, then you need to either change your standards, or find someone who has a similar income. "He's got it in his head that the only way to show love was to provide a fancy sort of lifestyle." What the hell is it with men thinking that money/stuff = love? It always seems to be about money for men. Your girl is unhappy? It must be about money. Got a wife and kids? Your most important thing you can give them is money. Got a problem? Money. Feeling like you're not man enough? Money. And men accuse women of being obsessed with money... I swear, it's all projection 95% if the time.

[@KlaudiaShaefferr]

Story 1: he needs to join a 12 step program “debtors anonymous” whether or not he has a debt

[@shadowkissed2370]

"Homeschooling is a skill set and not everyone can do it" I really wish someone had beat that into my In-Laws. My fil had my mil homeschool my husband and his brother, she had barely passed high school in a special education class but she was the person to homeschool their children. FIL would beat my husband if he did not do good on a test he was given never taking into factor he was not being taught properly. It took my husband going to the library and teaching himself all that he needed to know to get his Diploma. On top of it all they went through a Christian homeschool regiment that was not approved by the state so his degree has no weight, because of that no college takes it and his father knew this from the beginning.

[@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64]

lol love how the majority of the replies on the second post sided with the fiancé when it was clear that she wanted to do as little work as possible while OP slaved away all day. Especially that one comment that said that OP has it easy and that he has loads of breaks and that he nEeDeD a rEaLiTy ChEcK. At the beginning they were splitting it 50/50, then she wanted 25/75, what made anyone think that she wouldn’t just keep on pushing the workload on OP?

[@bjtaylor-j9w]

A decent man pulls his weight with the housework, and does not demand that women give up their lives to be his domestic servant.

[@dominicwehrmann8515]

@@bjtaylor-j9w Wot? And a decent woman doesnt demand his man to work 70 hours. Period. He's not a farming animal. And paying her student debt?! How the f do you defend that spineless leech??

[@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64]

⁠@@bjtaylor-j9w She was the one that asked for this dynamic. OP didn’t force her to do anything, she’s the one that wanted traditional gender roles. And what domestic servitude? It’s a house, it’s a finite area, she’s not cleaning a town. It’s a house inhabited by two people and two dogs, there shouldn’t be _that_ much of a mess if OP is at work most of the day for six days a week. And he was pulling his own weight by doing the traditional man stuff around the house.

[@ohboy-zi1yf]

a lot of the comments were hung up on the homeschooling thing which i 100% believe is not a good idea

[@natashahenry5044]

Right. She have it both ways. She wants a traditional man but, forbid he wants a traditional wife in return

[@ajb7530]

1st story, OP, I respect you for wanting to fix things instead of just abandoning him. Communication and working together is important. Struggling together at your lowest, and earn the great rewards like true love and appreciation, as you both solve the problems. The debt problem will test you both. But do tell him if he goes behind your back again and gaslights you, the relationship will end.

[@lina9535]

Story 1: I wonder what little birdie has been talking in his ear to get to the 50/50, since he refuses to give a reason why he now wants that.

[@TrishDigginsDesign]

Been married 30+ years. I’d NEVER marry a man who didn’t believe in “our” money.

[@lilywong9672]

It won't even be truly 50/50 because I guarantee you she does most of the cooking/cleaning/chores.

[@rozbudell]

2nd story - she’s only working PART TIME!!! She needs to put in 15 hours of housework to make up for NOT working full time. Op is working 45 HOURS A WEEK MORE than her - that’s a FULL TIME JOB MORE!!! Op needs to drop her buttocks and tell her to go live on her own because SHE isn’t pulling her weight. He works almost 3x more EVERY WEEK… and he can break up with her and hire a housekeeper… because she’s being a leech.

[@keepdancingmaria]

GURL!!!! you are an absolute heroine! "If I'm paying half, then we are living within my means." ETA, I truly hope you keep your money separate from this (his) debt. Manage the money for both of you, of course. But don't use your savings/income to pay off his debt. Use his income to pay off his debt. You still need to take care of you. How do you two live together and you not know what is happening with the budget?

[@skyelindsey687]

Ah yes, Reddit telling the man he should take care of the household as soon as he gets home on top of keeping up his 70 hr weeks at work. The fact he was paying for everything, even her work salary. Wow. Just wow

[@smchick13]

Love the background Markee. So relaxing looking at the snow fall and listening to your calming voice.

[@emo7636]

That 'no! noooawr!' during the first story sent me cackling.

[@littlepeeper9223]

Hell yeah, Markee's opinion is important to all stories. Especially when he shouts behind the microphone

[@kurotsuki7427]

Awww the daughter who gets build it at home furniture and saves boxes to gove her dad a way to spend time with her and "help her" even though she doesnt actually need the help but knows he loves being helpful is making me melt.

[@HodajuciParadoks]

NTA... If it is 50-50, the one with less money is the one that decide what lifestyle they can afford. Saving are not for spending, it is for being retired, kids, emergencies ....

[@animatorstanley]

I am a house spouse, I had some medical issues that prevented me from working. Because I don't pay any bills I do 100% of the house work, I don't feel like it's unfair for me to do it all bc he works and pays for everything. We don't have kids yet but we do have pets we both love very much, I also do all the cleaning up after them. When my partner gets home I make sure he has plenty of time to relax and also on weekends, he does so much for me not just financially but emotionally. It's only right I take care of the home.❤ Did OP have unrealistic expectations about homeschooling kids? Yes. But he was also clearly being takin advantage of, especially after describing his lifestyle before and after meeting her.

[@kanelovec4315]

He is in debt because of his choice not op's. He gave op expensive gifts that op didn't ask for and has the gal to blame her for his horrible choices.

[@Tiogair]

Story 2: asking this as one half of a messy couple, how tf do two people accumulate enough mess to require a cleaner twice a week?

[@robertx8020]

Well, since she's home most of the day and doesn't seem to do much (how many chores are there to do on a daily base?) I bet 90% of the 'mess' is from her to begin with! Btw letting HER homeschool the kids is a very very bad idea (Btw I'm not a fan of homeschooling anyway)

[@keepdancingmaria]

"She's a housewife anyway" is a TERRIBLE reason to neglect your children's education.

[@KE-hr4sb]

S2 OP: "She made it clear she expected me as the man to be a provider. I pay 90% of the bills, plus do all the maintenance on the cars, boat, and yard work." Also OP: "She recently started complaining I'm not carrying my weight around the house/wants me to do 50% of the housework." Response: "I'm sorry, I'm confused: I thought you wanted traditional gender roles, where I as the man am the financial provider. Is that correct, or am I mistaken?" (Wait to see if she agrees, if she does, continue) "Well, then that means as the homemaker, YOUR job is the housework. Now if you want more modern gender roles, you can pay half the bills and I will start doing half the chores. Just let me know." SAHM: She doesn't want to be a SAHMOM; she wants to be a SAHWife. There's a difference. Wow, just wow. Little by little she has had OP fund the lifestyle she wants. Bye, Felicia!

[@carlrood4457]

While I admit it's a stretch, but the story reminds me of the original Battlestar Galactica. One of the things that made then vulnerable is they had to move at the speed of the slowest ships in the "ragtag fugitive fleet" for obvious reasons. Going faster would leave those ships unprotected.

[@dallen3000]

Ok , that comment with the dad coming by to help out mde me tear up too

[@colleens1107]

Damn as a nanny and mom, I was REALLY on the girlfriends side about OPs disgusting attitude towards what a SAHM entails but that update made it clear she was just a gold digger. OPs attitude and lack of any understanding what child care entails makes me very worried for his future wife. OMG A SAHM MUST ALSO HOMESCHOOL? And why would she needs hobbiees? Like he thinks her sole purpose is to bear and raise his kids? Just ewww. But she just wanted to marry a rich husband AND not do any of the work involved in being a housewife…a man working 70hrs a week shouldn’t have to do 50% of the chores if his wife only works part time and plans to be a SAHM.

[@PinkMarshmallows]

Story 2: OP works 70 hrs a week and his gf wants him to do more of the household chores?! **Bish, HE'S NEVER HOME!** I'm a SAHW and my husband works 60+ hrs a week and I barely see him, even though he gets 3 days off at most (during November and December he only gets 1-2 days off). He spends 2 of those days just relaxing and resting his legs. Hell, he's so EXHASTED when he comes home, he barely eats his dinner and heads off to bed, and on his day(s) off he sleeps until 11 am. I feel so sorry for OP. He has an ungrateful and entitled gf who doesn't see that he's practically drowning. I just want to give this OP a hug. Update: I'm so glad that OP found his worth and doesn't need some lazy bish wasting all of his money.

[@wmdkitty]

But he is home sometimes, and he can take half an hour to do a few chores.

[@KadeStringer2.0]

@@wmdkittyhe isn’t at fault

[@wmdkitty]

@@KadeStringer2.0 You love defending crappy men, don't you? This guy is a lazy POS who can't even be arsed to do a single chore because "he works soooo haaaaard." Well, he's going to have to do his job and ALL the house work once he's divorced...

[@Vipre-]

@@wmdkitty Which he does, yard work, car and house maintenance. Guarantee if he wrote everything down including cleaning, cooking, and laundry and divided it 50/50 she'd complain about now having to mow the yard half the time or check the car's oil.

[@thetechguychannel]

Both stories are interesting in how similar they are. First story, dude's trying to pull in his fiance to do his role for him. Second story, dude's experiencing a "wife from hell" situation where the slob wants to just sit in the house enjoying a single-income situation that many women would kill for in this economy *and* for her husband to do the housework. I've been there. Didn't build resentment, but I eventually checked out.

[@rosalindgatto9630]

Wouldn't the boyfriend in story one be an example of projection, not gaslighting? From my understanding, gaslighting would be telling op that he never complained about her not 'contributing'

[@LovesGaming37]

I'm so glad she said we will live within my means. So many women will break myself to have a 50/50 relationship when the lifestyle is not within their means

[@CircusoftheMoon]

S1: before the update I was confused how he was affording all that on only $120K.

[@PhoenixInFirestadium]

Story 2: I'm completely on OPs side except for the home schooling part if she is not a teacher. You can't just expect someone to do that on top of housework. The best time to do housework is when the kids are out of the house. (This is by assumption she actually does it.)

[@chloecook4511]

Love the falling snow scene. Thanks for posting.

[@twentyfiveyears5010]

There is a saying relevant to the last story: "Pigs get fat but hogs get slaughtered."

[@kat1722]

My dad is very similar to ops boyfriend. He doesn’t gamble or smoke or anything but if he has money he spends it, he has no savings. He got into himself and my mum into debt before they divorced. He liked to appear like he had more money than he did- fancy car, clothes and toys etc for me. Despite being a (retired) accountant he has never been good at managing his own money or living to a budget

[@fionna_cool_girl]

6:27 no way I would be engaged to someone who doesn't tell me what his job is. That seems super sketchy that he's hiding his job.

[@maurer3d]

Story 1 (before update): NTA, from the sound of it at the moment you are spiting the common bills (rent, food, utilities, etc) bills equitably, this is the only fair way when one party makes significantly more than the other. This sounds like a control tactic, he wants you to have no spare money so you are solely reliable on him for anything you want to do outside of your relationship and have no money to leave if you choose to. Story 1 (comments): An Audi isn't a luxury car, unless they have massively changed in the last 20 years (last time I was buying a car they cost about the same as most other economy cars). Story 1 (update: Good that he finally came clean about his financial irresponsibility, but with the way his family is, it is unlikely that he will change.

[@tesla4608]

Sounds like he wants out and is trying create a reason for op to leave

[@dream6562]

The problem is having seprate accounts, marriage is about becoming one

[@HawkTHSS2893]

honestly if i were in the 1st Op's place i would break up with the man

[@NewYawkahBroad]

Story 2: Those on OP's girlfriends side. I was a stay at SAHM AND homeschooled. There are MULTIPLE ways to homeschool for MULTIPLE levels of ability. All you need to be to be a homeschooling SAHM have a modicum of organizational skills. There are some truly ignorant people on here. I would have died to have a man this generous!!

[@user-mp1is6ys7m]

When's he supposed to see his kids if he's never there?

[@maurer3d]

Story 2 (before update): NTA if you are working 3 times longer and bringing in 89% of the household income, you should be only doing like 25% of the household choirs. I would advise holding off on children and the wedding till you and her work out this issue. Oh and don't home school your children, over 90% of home schooled kids are useless as productive members of society. Story 2 (update): Holy gold-digger batman!!!!!!!!!!! That is a lot of missing information, sell the house buy a house that meets your needs. I would say break up with her but you already did. Legally you are most likely in the clear to fire her, since your relationship came before she worked for you (at least from how you describe it).

[@laurakirwan999]

The narrative that he skipped psych meds to save money, and support her, is utterly delusional.

[@MissPrivateTube]

120k is NOT enough to live the high life

[@SherioCheers]

Story 1: She should start getting on him about the household chores too. like 50/50 means 50/50.

[@lasmirandadennsiewillja9435]

Having a dumb opinion and being convinced of it is not "textbook gaslighting."

[@laiten35]

St-1- This dude is ridiculous, get rid of him. You explained in good details and he still upset, what a punk

[@julias2855]

Husband used to make lots more $. I tried to do cheap dates nights even though he covered everything. Vacations were thrifty. I make lots more $ now. I treat him to stuff all the time. Much nicer vacations. He never reduced our life styles but allowed me to book and organize events. He paid for a nice car and house.

[@evelynberrios8164]

S2; you both need to sit down and have a talk. She needs to explain her reasons. So, it’s very clear you are doing 90%. She is composing and on top of that she only works 25 hrs er week. Something is good no on. But you dear sir don’t need to continue as you are as it’s affecting your mental health. You need to take a few days away from each other. Perhaps you can get together and go to a cabin where you can hear yourself think. If she doesn’t like that then, you go alone. Take a book and just listen to peace!!! You must take care of yourself and stop allowing her crazy. Also, talk to a therapist. You are going through a lot. Good luck.

[@KadeStringer2.0]

I’m sick and tired of people if you marry someone then you marrying the family which by the way isn’t true at all

[@Killertomatoes13]

Unless your partner is willing to go low or no contact you have to deal with them for decades.

[@neil999ish]

50% housework story. Op do not marry this woman! These signs she is giving are a red flag! My parents had the Dad did the garden and house decorating, while Mum did cooking, cleaning etc. It worked, there was no bitching or complaining about doing it. (Dad did housework when Mum was sick). Perhaps the op should remind the gf of what she 'wanted' a man to do when they met! Then say she now needs to take equal responsability for cars,boat and maintenance issues as well, after all 50/50 isn't it? Lol.

[@calliew311]

You can have a house cleaner every other week for 45 bucks? For 3 to 4 hours of cleaning once a week it's 150 to 200 if they only come 2x a month it starts at 200. Dang, I wished I lived in the UK.

[@shybiscket]

I want more stories from the great dad poster.

[@Buff_Helpy]

This chick needs to leave, hes unstable and basically was willing to ruin her life over shit he caused. A future with him is to unstable.

[@EnDB]

Hopefully, 70 hour work week OP ditches that chick. She wants him to continue everything plus 50% more housework. There aren't any children. She's lazy.

[@oneuup2490]

1st story: how did she not know that they were and that big of debt? This is where irresponsible comes and takes place of both parties. She was so busy sucking this man dry that she didn't even think to look at the bills that's coming in the house did she ignore the mailman or something?

[@angelaa7388]

"Nnnooooorrrr!" -Markee

[@Cjaj2]

What the hell is with everyone on story 2 my man is working 70 hours a week that's double a normal work schedule don't ever pretend there's any amount of housework that's equivalent to that, that's completely ridiculous

[@burntblonde2925]

I love the background …snowing!! ⛄️❄️

[@EricSanchez-ds3yu]

When you say Narrr instead of no 😂

[@GalliaUchiha]

God I hope OP understands that she absolutely shouldn't be married to him until, at the very least, there is ZERO debt.

[@LaviniaKing-hz9ue]

You're being realistic on your income. Why the sudden change in his behavior and need for 50/50? I like nice things too, but one has to live within a budget. Also being a couple means good communication. Good luck.

[@alderblanco2362]

Definitely getting some weird looks after the GUFFAW i let out when you went "naaauuur"

[@Raviogame]

Markee bristleback is terrifying

[@stutikhanna987]

How can it will 50/50 for whole relationship at all? I can't understand it because no matter what the man is not going to labour at all or going to scream when she gives birth.

[@cb9825]

Story 1 guy is 26 and doesn't know how to manage his money, and does dramatic expensive gestures to show off 🙄he will not be a good life partner.

[@bhutehole]

Sounds like he doesnt know how to manage money. Too many nice things for only 120k a year. You need to manage his money, he needs it

[@Letha-AnnCooper]

If she wants you to pay all the bills, do the house work and she can work part time and hobbies? Holy cow!!! Entitled much. Not sounding like a match. If you have to do half of the housework and child care she needs to pay half the bills and other “ manly” chores. Wow I can’t believe how many people think it’s ok for him to work 70 hours a week and her work part time and girlfriend doesn’t think he does enough . OP has a lazy girlfriend!!!!Looking for a free ride

[@tonyblake7569]

Going to call bs on going to BWW to save money on eating out. I went there recently with my family. It cost more than places with better food. I can make way better wings at home for a fraction of what they charge, and it's super easy. Like just buy a pack of wings and cut them. Put flour and whatever spices you want in a bowl. Cover the wings then fry for 10 minutes. Finally just use whatever sauce you want, they have plenty of options. Sure that's not going out but again if you want that there's better, cheaper options.

[@Tijggie82]

Second story: since there was talk about kids, I thought the girlfriend was taking care of the kids, but no... She wasn't.... Crazy 🥴

[@LilySaintSin]

What was that moronic comment about OP being unrealistic and spoilt?