Filth On Men's Laptops | Russell Howard

[@bowchickabowwowthatswhatmy3219]

*carries baby* Brain: lol what if u dropped it

[@em0_tion]

sounds like an Anthony Jeselnik ref. :D

[@jackgregory9551]

Emiliyan Yankov i was literally about to say he needs to watch the video on here of the Anthony Jeselnik bit

[@ajharhussain898]

Sadly this is one reason I'm scared of picking up new born babies of how light they are. That's why I normally wait 1 month to pick up the child due to fear.

[@enza03]

i read this and my first thought was "who the fuck is carry"

[@starcode5000]

Lol everytime I picked up my cousin when she was a few weeks old my brain seriously told me that

[@greenapple204]

*Walks passed bridge* dark side of brain: "jump".

[@damionalexander100]

Tis the call of the void.

[@KlickPy]

Me when in car as well

[@cbgb3369]

Or on the edge of a train platform

[@olliealger-obelia6842]

This is called the call of the void. When one briefly entertains the idea of self destruction

[@cloroxbleach5687]

Same

[@cherokeelynn6186]

Me: *goes through airport security* What if i have a bomb in my suitcase...like i didn’t pack one but what if there is one in there.

[@sarah-qj2kx]

Cherokee Lynn when I was younger I was randomly selected for this bomb search thing and me being 14 found myself panicking because what if I accidentally strapped a bomb to my thigh and forgot!

[@pansepot1490]

I think it actually happened. I don’t remember the details but a woman boarded a plane not knowing that her “boyfriend” had hidden a bomb in her suitcase. It was before airport security checks and the plane exploded in flight.

[@scoobydoowhereareyou94]

@@pansepot1490 it was the lockerbie flight. pan am 103. it was allegedly in retaliation for the shooting down of an iranian airliner.if you believe the official narrative,on why these things happen.

[@Cyhcg5uhgb]

@@pansepot1490 A highschool teacher told me about how a mother once packed a bomb in her daughters suit case. The daughter got taken away and searched, because they found it supicious how emotional the mother was when saying bye to her daughter.

[@EchoSappho]

I was once taken apart from my family in a German airport because my bag tested positive for possible explosives. My e-reader specifically. I honestly thought, what if I had rubbed it in explosive fluids and forgot about it. I know I hadn't, but what if I had? Was a scary minute before the extra test came back negative

[@MythicSuns]

Glad to know his brain does what mine does, albeit on a less psychotic level, I've had moment where my brains gone "you see those people blocking the shopping aisles whilst they stare at a tin for hours on end? what if you just knocked them all over?" honestly, it's like having the angel and devil on your shoulder.

[@MythicSuns]

@Liam Williams yeah, though after a bit of GTAV it does go down a bit more of a "why don't you just blow them all up" kind of route, but the outcome is still the same; I still end up just mumbling to myself and finding a different route around them.

[@luciuswalters7434]

Ben Knight i always think that too, like sometimes I’d see someone n think, if I wanted to I could kill them.. n vice verse

[@MythicSuns]

@@luciuswalters7434 You just gotta maintain self control and find an outlet, thus the GTA games were born.

[@luciuswalters7434]

Ben Knight such beautiful games

[@chuggaa100]

Edgey

[@danwic]

Omg "Russel HowHard caused quite the kerfuffle". That was so camp 😂

[@TomGodson95]

That bit had me in tears 😂

[@DanniDerpy]

Well yeah, thats literally the joke

[@Mortthemoose]

😂😂😂

[@timothygidney4015]

Tbh you putting omg is a bit camp

[@bojo1788]

Nah it was more house not camp

[@holaburger6075]

0:44 "Squeezed it at the base so it looks massive." Oh shit! He knows too much.

[@hmkim3974]

"I couldn't even bone a hobbit" -Russel Howard, August fifth, 2019

[@dwcallum]

It's not 8/5/19 this is from wonderbox which came out years ago

[@s0nycz3kk]

Also shove that shitty date format up your ass.

[@kapten-awesome]

It's 5/8-19 in the civiliced world.

[@hmkim3974]

s0nycz3kk Cool. This is how we do it where I'm from. But if you insist, I'll change it.

[@lisahenry20]

@@hmkim3974 you mean you do it the illogical way?

[@danwic]

I don't put porn on my phone, but I do have a stash of twisted memes lol

[@sutoreikyatto]

Same

[@huh7620]

If my mam found my meme stash I’d get fucking raped

[@averagejoepro5347]

EXTREMELY HORRIBLE MEMES

[@monroerobbins7551]

Khalakri, you took it from 25 to a bloody million so fast!

[@gachaanimatoryt6503]

I don’t know which is worsr

[@Snaakie83]

"Russel HowHard" 😂

[@thegamingsentinel9238]

Du du du da da du du da da

[@louna5098]

Muurrrrrrr

[@Dzeroed]

@@louna5098 😂😂😂😂 you beat me to it! MuuuUUUrrrrr 😏

[@danielcooper3332]

If I'm in a car with the window and down and I have something in my hand. My brain will just be like "What if you through it out the window."

[@ibaddierespect1775]

Daniel Cooper every time I’m in a car 🤣🤣🤣

[@thegamerzoid24jackmillngto79]

50 quid fine

[@ellboaboasman4705]

* throw

[@danielcooper3332]

@Super old but funny meme Yes bois. I fell for the classic blunder.

[@benronald]

Me with my phone. Idek why but I get the urge to throw my phone out the window

[@user-lk1ot7je7x]

Me: *gets into argument with sister* My brain: Apple seeds contain cyanide

[@reeanne8701]

Directions to the nearest orchard please

[@dylanharding5720]

You'd need thousands.

[@silg7262]

I believe you mean arsenic. But I could be wrong

[@catriziacat1756]

@@silg7262 it's cyanide

[@silg7262]

@@catriziacat1756 huh. I wonder why I've alway thought it was arsenic

[@annaholland1316]

Me: Wow, granny, are those new curtains? They're lovely! My brain: B U R N T H E M

[@ells1216]

Me : **completing a test and comes across a really hard question** Brain : what if you jump out that window there and climb the school fence? Also brain : *nobody* will see you

[@haperawehiwehi8661]

"My brother installed Grindr as a joke" **Two weeks later** "Yeah... should probably uninstall it".... :P

[@kristian4527]

Jasper Force What happened?

[@haperawehiwehi8661]

@@kristian4527 in the video he mentioned that Grindr was on his phone for two weeks because his brother installed it as a joke. My comment was about the fact he left it there for quite some time.

[@Martok2309]

@@haperawehiwehi8661 he could've just created a fake profile using his own phone. Or his brother may have hidden the app in a random folder

[@andromidius]

Being someone who has used it... Grindr lets you know its installed. Regularly.

[@charliecockayne9568]

Me: walks through metal detector My brain: what if you have a gun in your pocket

[@Jedi_Spartan]

Similar to Michael McIntyre when he covered Apple Store: "I'm a PC, and wank hide button was my idea."

[@MythicSuns]

I thought it was Microsoft who came up with the whole "I'm a PC" thing, which in fairness was parodying Apples "I'm a Mac" thing but with less of a competitive vibe to it.

[@Jedi_Spartan]

@@MythicSuns well the video I watched was called Apple Store.

[@marievanleeuw4948]

Me: **on my phone in the car** My brain: Throw it out of the window Me: wha- why?? My brain: idk man, could be fun

[@Beacuzz]

Dude! As someone with intrusive thoughts, this is very relatable! I can not count how many times I've been driving and my brain goes "swerve into the ditch" or "let's drive off the bridge" and I'm just going "buy Whyyyyyyyy?" And "what the hell is wrong with you?". Way way to many times.

[@rahatahmed6188]

I get that too haha

[@floydfreeman1318]

Me walks past oven My brain: “what if you put your head in it”

[@NewMessage]

I thought the title was referencing the state of my keyboard.It's like typing on a theater floor at this point.

[@KattReen]

I'd never save porn on my phone. I need the storage space for videos and pictures of my cat doing basically nothing.

[@dionwoollaston5717]

Cat Tricks same, my iPad on the other hand (both literally and metaphorically) I got five tabs dedicated to pornography

[@fandomfantasies1837]

At these intrusive thoughts, my brain instantly went back to the latest episode of Sanders Sides and Im fighting the urge to make a reference right now.

[@jackpawlus5784]

Omg yes! I loved that video, cant wait for the next. I love Sanders Sides

[@stephanmcbride8264]

That's my 2nd favorite video from him

[@jackpawlus5784]

@@stephanmcbride8264 whats your first fave?

[@reeanne8701]

I love Sanders sides too, shame he doesn't upload on his main channel very much

[@Beacuzz]

Yay not alone!

[@orfeassiozos1575]

Russel HowHard caused *quite* the kerfuffle!

[@Sam-bu6mh]

Me: My brain: *what if you decked a toddler*

[@rad6666]

I swear Russell Howard is my Brain!!!

[@amyj8815]

Russell: I'm not a Pedophile i swear!! Me: WHAT ABOUT THE TAMPONS YOU WERE HANDING OUT AT SCHOOLS RUSSELL?

[@yippies3726]

The One Or the sandwiches

[@amyj8815]

Oh yeah i forgot about those 🤣

[@amyj8815]

Are you chewing? No... Then have this sandwich

[@boduiz.06]

🤣

[@sirandrelefaedelinoge]

That would hardly constitute "pædophilia"...

[@brandonhughes4076]

I hold my phone instead of giving it to people so they don't find my massive collection of memes

[@Clovenstone-Blue]

I don't give anyone my phone because I'm terrified that they may judge me by what they'll find (I was panicking inside when my mom was looking through my phone one time because I watch quite a bit of horror movies/games related content on youtube (horror is one of those things my mom dislikes, so much so that even my dad could only watch horror movies at night because my mom was sleeping), and it is extremely terrifying to see her scroll through your recommendations because I wouldn't want to face her wrath after she would come across something horror related.

[@GOOSEFOREST]

I remember when my dad took my laptop to his friend to check out because it wouldn't open. I was so afraid and prayed to God that he wasn't able to fix it. He wasn't.

[@satyasyasatyasya5746]

ah, that brief and glorious time when *Russell had some serious guns and uber chest* :3

[@kob6912]

Simple. “It’s my brother’s laptop”

[@nmkitty2799]

So happy that you decided to upload your work! Helps me on my worst days.

[@nmkitty2799]

@ thanks, I will!

[@kurtisburtis]

my phone rule-if you swipe, That’s *All* On You, Bro ... Puts the fear of “What Might I See?” in them, that’s certain.

[@Vixenish56]

Me: working on my art My brain: what if you quit without saving? Hehehehe

[@zahraf.777]

What Russel Howard is describing at 1:40 is a real psychological phenomenon known as l'appel de vide (the call of the void.) It's basically an evolutionary mechanism your brain does to make sure that you aren't violently crazy, and if you are, you're pretty much done for.

[@LiamDoody]

I don’t even have a laptop😂😂

[@conalexander-smith4926]

"I couldn't even bone a hobbit!" - Russell Howard 2019

[@luissantiago5163]

Preaching to the choir right now. Love this.

[@monroerobbins7551]

Honestly, I’ve never been scared of bringing my laptop or phone in for repairs. We’ve all had filth on our computers, and it’s not a big deal. (Also, I’m glad that I’m not the only person who had those kinds of thoughts, it scares the bejeezus out of me. Especially when the thought reoccur.)

[@michaeladkins6]

The techs see phones and laptops packed with porn everyday. They are used to it.

[@Prince__Teclis]

Yes I have, my dad was the one that fixed it.

[@MahouKat]

O O F

[@kt27066]

Omg i’d die and never look in his eye

[@jonlightyear2000]

Prince Teclis what happened?

[@Prince__Teclis]

@@jonlightyear2000 Awkward silence and later a brief discussion about my kinks.

[@Prince__Teclis]

@@jonlightyear2000 Well, just reassurance he didn't care or think any less of my for the weird stuff I watched.

[@Ryanw-vz7nk]

He is so funny, he should be on tv

[@evankinard8075]

2:27 thanks for the idea Russ!👍

[@yolohhgjkb5109]

I love russell funniest comedian ever and is hella fit and funny perfect combination 😍😍😍❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@Anonmice]

This whole stand-up could be just an excuse for Howard to explain as to why he was on grinder..for two whole weeks!!

[@dwcallum]

He probably didn't know until his brother told him

[@frenchiesandlife]

Can't wait to see him in Finland next year! Love him! 😍😁

[@mrbennett_17_58]

Russell is so funny, one of my favourite comedians,but the problem is for me, he’s like a funny forbidden fruit. Because when I watch him I start laughing and when I start laughing I can’t stop coz , I don’t really know but I’m that kinda person, but I’ve got asthma and laughing that hard sets it off, so when I watch these videos I end up having a 5 minute coughing fit

[@dylanmcdonald3822]

i'm gonna admit it since i have balls, i keep on forgetting that i don't switch back to the goggle home page most times so i have been sitting in the living room with my family and have opened google for some reason just to see that i have not switch back to the google home page after doing "stuff" so there has be cases where my brain has go "fuck no!" while i try to stop the site from loading lol

[@danielclayton9849]

Absolute gold and true😂

[@owenwaters4318]

I saw this show live and it still cracks me up

[@brettelliott4116]

Russell could be filth on my laptop.

[@AdamBechtol]

:)

[@skdkoc]

love your stuff, rob

[@Very-Uncorrect]

The best comedian.

[@frozenflava]

Love his arms lol

[@AdamBechtol]

:p

[@demifal1020]

When I walk on the pavement sometimes I think what if I jump in front of a car

[@shariqsonindahouse9663]

1:15... LMFAO! Its like russel knows what im thinking, this is his best one yet, cuz alot of men will be facing this situation in the next 10 years.. it will be a pandemic

[@TCt83067695]

Russell How Hard 😂😂😂

[@emilymaythorne]

We rescued a hedgehog last year, and named him Russel How-Hard, because we found him eating cat food, right in the middle of our four cats. Did not know we had accidentally given the poor little hero your grindr name...!

[@Legendary_sartorian]

so restore factory settings is just the new clear search history

[@GhostBear3067]

One of these days I will run into someone with a medical alert bracelet that says "delete my browser history"

[@somethingsomethingelse7706]

Me: walking with a baby Brain: what if you dropped it oh you did

[@cudlar2156]

'Eating weetabix in the morning, what if you put your dog in the microwave' 😮😂😣😱

[@loganwynn2337]

Me: *Talking with my female coworker* my brain: *what if you were to just start making out with her rn?* me: *Wha- no! She's in a relationship and best-case scenario, I get my teeth knocked out of me, worst-case, I get arrested, realistically, both, and I don't even like her that way!* My Brain: *Yeah, but what if it worked?*

[@arminosas]

*Anyone asks me any question* My brain: AHAHAHAHAHAHA

[@floydfreeman1318]

The brotherly rivalry is amazing he put Russel on grinder so Russel put him on a register

[@GOOSEFOREST]

1:09 is just gold

[@Cowboy45-70]

I’ve left orders to my friends, that in the event of my demise, they are to retrieve my passwords from behind a picture on the wall and factory reset all of my devices as well as formatting all USB drives and SD cards in my house.

[@andreponniah9900]

I wish at the end of that, he'd said "Now, some of you may be wondering why I stayed on Grindr for 2 weeks. But that's not the point, so shut up" or something like that

[@criticalfumble1981]

When I'm in a car or something and I'm on my phone I'll sometimes think "what if I just throw it out?"

[@sjrescapades2256]

intrusive thoughts are very relatable something that everyone has but few actually talk about

[@JJSstudio5]

Brain: What if I dropped my phone in the drain me: what i don’t have a phone

[@thornlings]

Imagine opening up Grindr and there's Russell HowHard.

[@polarisreach8280]

Me cutting my cake My brain: stab yourself in the eyes Me:driving My brain:Crash into the tree

[@mergieismoronic]

Nobody: Brain: wot if you put yor dog in da microwave

[@SakuraWitch]

my brain was more like I wonder if my dog fits in the tumble dryer which she does

[@DarkestChucky]

Just what I need

[@jennieanderson9725]

This is mint 😂

[@hailliesanimations7688]

Me: *walks over bridge* My brain: "jump and drown" Me: "but there's no water under this bridge, it's just a road..." My brain: "DID I FUCKIN STUTTER"

[@et4751]

There's either complete mayhem in the extended Howard family or they are blissful denial. Either would account for the standard answer of "that's nice dear" that must greet every sentence that begins with "so I've got another show,tour,series coming up,might be few family secrets revealed or complete rubbish invented.okay with you ?"

[@QwertyQwerty-eq7th]

I love you so much Russell 😍😍😍😍😍😍

[@yeahrequiem751]

Me: *sitting down next to friend* My Brain: what if you bit his face of?

[@rawdaaljawhary4174]

"I'm not a pedophile... I couldn't even bone a Hobbit!!" Ahahaha 😂😂😂!

[@gtp3185]

You are so funny

[@77moessa]

LOL!! spot on about the brain switch... i was at work the other night, customer comes in,, same and annoying one.... brain just switched and for a sec, wanted to deck this customer right on his massive forehead.....

[@elliotweston2643]

Russell Howard should be the voice for Britain

[@OldmanVosh]

I once was sitting behind a bald guy on a bus, whose head kinda looked like a cream filled donut. My weird thought was " what would happen if I licked it?".

[@o-hogameplay185]

1:54 Gábor Kaleta: *hmmm, this story is so familiar to me*

[@TheBestMOC]

We ain’t gonna see this man hit 900k cuz of yt removing the sub thing

[@TheATRAs14]

Honestly, I have too many memes on my phone that need context to be okay with handing my phone over to someone

[@typicalwatcher5516]

Shows friend picture friend ask to hold phone Every guy in the world:nah I'll hold it

[@FreeRangeHuman4083]

i remember watching this a while ago on cbc

[@adammcfall5133]

Incognito: *exists* Men: I want to download the everything.

[@uvidultimatevideos6154]

He is definitely hilarious the best👍

[@codycrowe3197]

Russell how hard 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@vlad_ussr8390]

1:32 my brain every god damm day like WTF

[@lauraroeleveld4053]

Me: reading a dirty book/fanfic during class Please don't let the teacher look over my shoulder or confiscate my phone!

[@beththedarkmage3359]

Why in class? That's like watching porn on the tube.

[@international.somewhere]

What do you have on your laptop 😂😂 I've never had this feeling

[@franklinclinton7529]

Samsung users be like: Turn off Secure folder😂

[@prof_Sam_G]

I hate when I give my phone to someone to just to look at one pic and they end up swiping on all of your pics

[@kanewinning1241]

He's told this joke loads I swear

[@wolf666min7]

Restore factory settings!! 🤣🤣

[@katemiller3796]

Those bad thoughts is what it’s like to have OCD.

[@ZeDoodleShire]

Was thinking this myself! It's horrible! I was plagued by the same pedophilia one for YEARS when I was a young teenager and I wasn't diagnosed

[@573goons9]

I can't feel my legs💀💀💀