Five Steps No Contact - (Dumper vs Dumpee)

Five Steps No Contact - (Dumper vs Dumpee) Relief vs Anxiety. This is the spectrum that separates the Dumper and the Dumpee during No Contact.
In today's video, Nick will discuss Five Steps of No Contact between the Dumper vs the Dumpee.
During No Contact, the Dumper and Dumpee are on very different journey's
The Dumper has lost all emotional attraction and therefore been building this up in their heads for quite some time.
The Dumpee is in shock and completely blindsided by the breakup.
The Five Steps of No Contact is a journey of opposites. The Dumper feels RELIEF and the Dumper is an ANXIETY SPIRAL.
If No Contact is applied correctly, the Dumper and and Dumpee very quickly switch places.
Take a walk with me and learn how to get out of your anxiety spiral and into relief.

[@btstakescareofmewhenimsick4892]

No contact is when you dump the dumper. As a dumpee (god, i hate this word), i never, ever, try to convince my dumper to come back. If they wanna leave, door is open. Nobody's holding them hostage. He kicked me out of his pathetic life, i kicked him out of my car. But yes, i want him to suffer, i hope he does.

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

Why do you want him to suffer?

[@johnpeden2039]

I know your angry, that your partner broke up with you, but revenge and you wanting them too suffer is not the answer or the way to go about it

[@williamdietz6944]

THANK YOU NICK A THOUSAND TIMES!! YOUR INSIGHT IS SO POWERFUL. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH YOU HAVE HELPED ME ,AND OTHERS I'M SURE . PLEASE MORE VIDEOS. THANKS AGAIN

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

Thanks buddy, glad it can help. There’s like 120 video on my channel. Have fun. 😊

[@jorbald1807]

9 months after breakup I am better than i was before, I just noticed the change on her behavior in social media maybe she has someone new maybe she's still single. I still have some moments where i feel down but it's far way better after the breakup. I've been on the path or promotion on my workplace in which i already told her what I'm aiming at that moment, before I want to do those things for her but now I just want to do those things to be a better person for myself.

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

Don’t tell her shit. Just work on your purpose my friend.

[@jorbald1807]

@@TheLoveFix-Nick nope what i meant is before the breakup i already told her that i was aiming for promotion and now we haven't talked since break up I was on my way for the promotion that i told her before.

[@TaterNaterthoughts]

You are amazing. You are reassuring. Not in the sense like other coaches were they are feeding on the initial desire to get an ex back. And not in that insensitive way that other narcissist personalities do it. You come from a point of empathy and where people are hurting and you reassure them with facts and insight into the façade or mirage the dumper sees when you run across your dumper and she looks so happy and she really will eventually not be. You are reassuring that we will survive the pain and the hurt and anger and eventually have the power back so that we do not feel like discarded shit. I know this. Usually the dumpy finds and ends up with a better result at the end. almost every person I’ve ever seen that cheated or left a relationship ended up worse off than the person they dumped who usually ends up way better off

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

Appreciate your kind words. I’m glad I could be of some help. I hope you’re feeling okay.

[@jackidezell3401]

I was the discarded dumped one. He tried to work it out in my if I ignored how badly he treated me during this time and that he did this because I tried to hold him accountable for lying again but he did the opposite of what I needed. I used that time of 2 months being ignored to separate, and to work on myself and I wasn't anxious at all. I didn't want him back after all this.

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

Well done. Good for you 😊😊👏👏💪💪

[@captainbligh3894]

I couldn’t understand what you were trying to say.

[@lukeskywalker313]

I did the dumping cause she cheated on me im not in relief it hurts then and it hurts now she is living her life like it's golden We were engaged to be married but she cheated on me so I had to break it off So I am not in relief there never was a relief for me and I am the dumper I didn't feel like the prize Minute no contact since February 21st And it still eating me up at night

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

I’m very sorry to hear that. Of course the circumstances and context of the breakup are key. If you dumped her because of cheating, then the standard relief vs anxiety goes out the window. In a way you’re the dumpee because she forced you into dumping her. It’s like someone holding a gun to your head but tells you to pull the trigger. I’ve been cheated on as well so I feel your pain. Her actions are reflection of her, not you my friend. It’s going to hurt for a while. But I promise you will be okay. When you get through the other side you’ll realise how much stronger you are. You’ll also likely see how incompatible you may be were with her. Use this time for you my friend. Go to therapy, work on you, do the things you love, journal, meditate, exercise, long walks, meet knew people. I’ve just finished recording a video on cheating. I’ll try get it online this week. Feel better my friend. You’ll be okay.

[@lukeskywalker313]

@@TheLoveFix-Nick so im the dumpee soo what to expect from her Share been pressure meeting merrier for 3 years Not change my number Number no contacts is February 21st

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

You stay no contact, you keep working on you and never look back. Don’t seek validation from your abusers. Don’t worry about expect anything from her. She cheated and for me that means she’s not allowed to be in your life anymore. This video will explain. kzbin.info/www/bejne/Z4DXc3qQerGYhc0

[@lukeskywalker313]

@@TheLoveFix-Nick she wasn't always like this Last year this when this all started happening But why Would she pressure me to marry her Van disappear on me take the ring off and go cheat and has stalked my Instagram page because she liked a comment On my page and we not even friends She used to always tell me she better not catch me Cheating But since the break up She just been partying hard Living her life to the fullest As for me i been in pain since I broke it off since I broke it off and I feel pain no relief Stage no Glad its over stage just hurting stage I know pretty soon the tables is going to turnThat's why I did no know contact since February 21st That's why I was asking you what to expect because right now she's loving and living her lifeSooner or later the tables gotta turn or she just don't care

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

Try not to mind read my friend. Only she knows what is going on in her head. Many times people say things in the moment and can feel very different the next day. There could be a million reasons why she cheated but that’s her problem not yours. Please try not to expect her to contact you. You shouldn’t have any information about your ex, it will only drive you crazy. I know it hurts but I highly recommend that you do not waste any more energy on this girl. Focus your energy on you. If someone leaves you, LET THEM GO! There are 3 billion women out there, and many of them will be better than your ex. If someone cheated on me I would never have contact with that person again. I suggest you do the same. And stop looking on her social media or finding out information on her. You will feel better for it.

[@harsiddhichhaiya3949]

hey, so it was 3 years long relationship, he cheated on me for 5 months and we fought a lot during those 5 months, then when i found out about the affair he left me for her saying that he wasn't happy with me...... i really loved him and miss him .... I am in no contact... I don't want to break it until 45 days are over.... but i really miss him... feels like i will always love him... is there any chance that he would come back.

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

I’m sorry to hear that. My advice is to not break no contact at all. 30 day and 45 day no contact are all a load of crap. No contact is forever unless they first reach out to you. May I ask why you want someone who treated you so badly and with utter disrespect.

[@ilonaceline]

This video came right in time for me! :)

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

Glad I could help Ilona. Stay strong 😊

[@tg-xb3tc]

This i this is my favourite talk of yours, again thankyou, you have really helped me.😊

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

T G, appreciate your kind words. I’m glad it’s helping you move forward. Use no contact as your set of rules to live by while getting over your ex. Get you back. 💪

[@moonknight8883]

Hey I have been too needy with my ex she asked for a break up the first time I begged and she came back after a month she dumped me again because I'm too passive aggressive and needy. I broke no contact twice on a weekly basis but I'm now in no contact week 3 determined. I'm her second boyfriend she's in her 20's. She even took me out severally when we were dating, the last time she dumped me we had a fight and I told her to block me on WhatsApp (which is childish and I don't know why I did that lol), she did block me but after few hours she unblocked me. We are family friends and she told me she would love to marry me because we have close family ties (that's when we were dating). But currently she has muted me on social network but haven't blocked or removed me. When she broke up with me she told me she could marry me but not date me. When she didn't take me back I said some harsh words to her because I felt I have up alot for her, but after sometime I apologized and she's said we had no chance together then I went on the final no contact.

[@dom9298]

Hi I know you commented this 6 months ago but our situations are quite similar. My ex dumped me once for about a week and after I begged him he came back to me. After 4 months I got really upset with him and send him 155 messages saying I’m not sure if I want to be with him and I told him how he made me feel. He didn’t take it well, he blamed everything on me. I agreed and begged him for two days to be with me and to let me fix things. I’ve been no contact for 28 days now but this week has been particularly hard and I would love to hear if you’re in a better place now to give me so encouragement.

[@anamarieronquillo2854]

Thank you for this 😊😊... I'm badly broken right now 😑😑 we've been ldr for one year and just last August he called it quits since he find our relationship boring already. And this September only I've found out in our common friend that his getting married and he isn't planning to tell me either...

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

I’m sorry to hear that Ana. That must be heartbreaking. Have you considered therapy to help you?

[@nonimi2037]

Amazing advice & a very soothing voice!

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

Thank you noni mi. I hope it helps. As for my voice...... smooth as a babies bottom! 😂

[@nonimi2037]

@@TheLoveFix-Nick hahah yes yes veryy smooth . Thankyou! 😁

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

😂😂😂

[@flat4wankel]

I am so sad.. i just want my ex back. I know you dont want to hear that, but you took someone back before. Im willing to risk that. Not sure why this one hurts... i was on a long term 7 year relationship before but it didn't really faze me.. this one almost 3 years and she rebounded with someone right away after she broke things up with me. Apparently she was waiting for this married man for 6 years. They were keepin tabs all these years... unbelievable

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

It’s not that I don’t want hear it buddy, I’m trying to show you to improve yourself. I know how painful it is, believe me! But I can tell you for 100% certainly, unless you massively level up and improve, a reconciliation will fail. Be here, be now, love yourself.

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

It’s not that I don’t want hear it buddy, I’m trying to show you to improve yourself. I know how painful it is, believe me! But I can tell you for 100% certainly, unless you massively level up and improve, a reconciliation will fail. Be here, be now, love yourself.

[@thrillschills679]

Hey how should I do no contact if I see them at a work place 4 times a week multiple times. I feel she tries to make me jealous by tell her roommate right next to that she’s hinting at seeing someone else. I just feel she’s been petty but I’m doing no contact and just keep convo business only when it makes me but I left the break up and lost 10 pounds completed basic trying for the army and I’m on the way to becoming an officer I also go my medic as well. The work place post me all the time on the social media to show my achievements. I just felt the man that I was when I left when she dumped at basic training and the man I came back are different people.

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

Keep doing what you’re doing and stay on your centre. Lions don’t concern themselves with the opinions of sheep. If she’s trying to make jealous, she’s wielding a very blunt instrument and that’s sad.

[@gaurav7835]

Hey Nick ! Want to Thank you for your videos they harsh tbh but it was a reality i finally moved on from she girlfriend dumped me 3 months and was in no contact since then , the 3 months of period was like hell missing her so much anxiety attacks every f*king weeks sleepless nights and what not but giving myself time has made me stronger , started no contact to get her back but after some time i started to search myself , improve myself and now time has come i don't want to get with her she is a beautiful person but i think we are not just compatible , I value myself more than ever Thank you Nick ❤❤

[@samsmooth253]

Damn I wish I seen this video a month ago and use the no contact rule now I think it’s too late I messed up I got into my feeling and started texted her I miss you n love you smh learn from this ppl unfortunately For me it’s too late.

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

No contact is to get you back back Samuel. It is for you. It’s the mature and strong response to being dumped.

[@kamal.d4552]

Wht is she dump me for someone else and being happy with tht person ... maybe she could never think about me anymore

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

Hi Hyber. I’m sorry to hear you’re going through a rough time. If she is with someone else, how do you know she is happy? Try not to have any information about your ex as it will drive you crazy and stop you from healing. Regardless, we never forget someone we were close to. Memories of you will be in your ex’s head. However, this does not mean they always come back. We should always assume that they’re never coming back, and use our energy to love and care for ourselves. Turn your energy inward and work on you my friend. In 6 months time, you would have done so much work on yourself and you will be better a version of you. This will lead to better opportunities for you and hopefully leads you to someone better than your ex. Use this time to get you back. That is what no contact is for. And please remember, all situations are unique. My videos are broad and generic, therefore they cannot cover every situation. I hope you feel better my friend. 😊

[@kamal.d4552]

@@TheLoveFix-Nick thanx for your reply .... actually I was expecting ur reply 😊 Yes now I’m in the process of forget my ex and stop neediness ... but always comes in my mind tht she is the girl I wanted in my life . I don’t know weather she will comes back or not but I am trying to stop focus on hoping her . I wish good will happen 😊

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

Hyber. There are 7.5 billion people in the world and nearly half of them are women. Go nuts and have fun. Be thankful for the time you shared with your ex, let the experience improve you, find someone better than your ex, and be better next time. You’ve got this.

[@kamal.d4552]

@@TheLoveFix-Nick thanx mate I’m so glad for your msg .... I’m only in mental stress now but I know I will over come with this ... hopefully

[@strawberry93suzanne92]

Hey any updates ? Have you moved on ?

[@dom9298]

What if I begged him not to break up with me? He broke up with me because he was tired of my emotional rollercoaster. I exploded saying all the things i hate about him and saying he will never change. After he broke up with me he said we can be friends but I refused and said I need to cut contact for now. After a few days of stalking him everywhere I told him I need to block him for my mental health and he got very angry at me. He said it’s all my fault, that I emotionally abused him and he hopes I will change in my future relationship. I was no contact for 28 days, break up was 35 days ago. Even if I wanted to text him I have nothing to say. I think we both have said too much and too many painful words. Unless he decides he made a mistake and he stops blaming me for everything we will not talk. Is there a chance he will ever see my side? I took full accountability for the break up and begged him not to break up, I said I will fix everything. But then while saying I need to block him I also said I no longer see myself as fully responsible. Thats why he was so angry. I have so many regrets and I just don’t know what to do.

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

Thanks for sharing Dom. I’m sorry you’re going through a bad time. It sounds frustrating and heartbreaking. Buddy, it all feels passive aggressive and I feel you’re both acting from a position of trauma. Even if you guys were to reconcile, I’d bet my mortgage you’d be broken up again within 6 months, because the work and self growth isn’t being done. So a better question would be, are we both capable of taking accountability and levelling up?

[@dom9298]

@@TheLoveFix-Nick I am talking responsibility for my side of the brake up. I signed up to therapy and I am no contact. I just feel like he made me in this whole situation a villain when I loved him so much and would do anything for him. I just never felt like priority for him. It just hurts it was so easy for him to let me go. He already had 3 exes before me and all his previous relationships were toxic/girlfriend was crazy and I can’t believe I’m the next one. He was my first love, we’ve been together for 18 months, he broke up with me 5 weeks ago and he looks so happy on social media when I’m struggling to survive day by day

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

Yeah that’s tough man. Dumpers typically make the dumpees the villains. It’s how they justify the breakup.

[@Artst2010]

Originally, I asked my boyfriend for a break. That is what I called it. I wanted him to take time and work on himself. I needed a break from the fighting. 5 months later, I was at a low while at a gathering, and he was there to give me a hug. We rebounded, and things were great until I started school. I needed to focus on that. At one point, I fell behind in class, so I asked for 2 weeks to catch up. Thus meant I didn't call after work because I was listening to a lecture. He kept asking for just a little communication. I said I needed to focus on classes. Just give me two weeks, please. By the end of that two weeks he said he felt ignored and accused me of playing head games. He told me it wasn't working out. So here we are now. He asked for space, so I'm fighting each day to not contact him. Is it love? Or just a matter of breaking the habit?

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

I think the question you must ask yourself is “how do I define love?”

[@norswil8763]

I mean, sure you’re busy, but you cut communication? You’re not that busy, too busy for him it seemed. How about a message of reassurance for him? A short phone call? He told you he wanted some communication, but no empathy from you. Sorry, just how I see it.

[@juancx9804]

Will no contact work if she explicitly said she didn’t love me anymore and she cheated/rebound/monkey branched to the guy she told me not to worry about?. It’s been 3 months since the break up and have been in no contact since. I’m just curious if she’ll regret her actions and return. I know she’s bad and toxic for me but I’m just curious about it.

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

When you say “will it work” can you tell me what you think it working means, please?

[@juancx9804]

@@TheLoveFix-Nick The way I mean it if no contact will work for her to revalue her decision and possibly come back even if she emotionally detached a long ago even though we were still in a relationship and now that she’s in a new one with someone else.

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

There is always that possibility, but no contact is to get you back. If she cheated and rebounded, why would you want such a low value person back? Wouldn’t it be wiser to move onto a woman deserving of your attention?

[@juanraultrevino7485]

@@TheLoveFix-Nick I guess I'm wanting her back because I still can fully let go of her and all the promises and potential our relationship could have had (it was a 5 year relationship and my first and on gf)

[@saycuso8539]

Update please, it's been 3 months that my ex monkeybranched with me and I'm in no contact with her since 10 days , . Can you tell me about your update now ?

[@gejunequijano1964]

Thank you Nick for your great advice.

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

You’re welcome, I hope it helps.

[@Aman.Khan_]

Hey I had a question Nick, is it necessary that a dumper has to go through all these steps or they can escape and skip these steps and then move on in life ?

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

It really depends on where they are emotionally buddy, but yes it’s a possibility.

[@yaraahmed6661]

Hi, I am the dumpee since January this year. He though that I was cheating but I wasn’t; he kept thinking that I was cheating all the time and was manipulating him all the 4 years that we were together even after daays of clarifying everything. After all, he wasn’t convinced and asked for a breakup and I was begging him to believe me and stay with me but he didn’t listen. Since January I am on no contact, I can’t lie it was the worst feeling ever but I survived and still I miss him but I figured out that he is a narcissist. Why? Because he cheated on me first and I forgave him but he said that I will not forgive you and do the same because you as a woman should forgive me but as a man I can’t! I feel angry and sad sometimes but I feel relief from the constant anxiety I felt with him and the fear of losing him.

[@yaraahmed6661]

Skip the grammatical mistakes, not my first language 😂

[@xMikeyHardyx]

I always find these perspectives interesting. I always struggle to apply it to my own situation.

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

Indeed it’s never easy, but it’s easier than getting rejected by the same person twice. Operate from a position of strength by giving them the gift of your silence. 😊

[@xMikeyHardyx]

I was dumped on NYE via text after a fight (I didn’t travel during covid to her family home) I’m blocked on all social media and she became cold. As it stands I probably don’t wanna talk to her ever again.

[@JFal0]

What if I dumped her because she wasn't there for me. Might she realize where she went wrong and reach out to me?

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

If you dumped her and you want her back, I would suggest that you reach out to her. You walked of her life, so you have to walk back In. Of course there is the risk that she may agree that a break up is the best way to go. The other question to consider. If she wasn’t there for you, why would you want her back? The possibility does exist that she didn’t respect you enough to be there for you. It’s hard to say my friend.

[@JFal0]

@@TheLoveFix-Nick idk part of me hopes she sees that she wasn't there for me and is willing to make a change.

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

I hear you, but you don’t get what you deserve in life, you get what you negotiate. So, if you “hope” your partner would do something for you, that’s a covert contract, and they always fail. In the future, communicating your wants and needs in a confident is essential. I recommend you read a book called No More Mr Nice Guy.

[@JFal0]

@@TheLoveFix-Nick Thank you for the wise words! and I definitely will check that book out! One last thing though, hypothetically if I ever were to reach out to her how should I go about doing that.

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

My pleasure. If it’s to get her back “Hey, would be great if we could go for a coffee. I think I made a mistake and I’d like to talk about us” But, be prepared that she may say no. Also, if she’s not meet your needs, why would you want her back? That’s the question you need to answer.

[@chathsubha8767]

Great❤thank you

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

My pleasure, i hope it helped. 😊

[@chathsubha8767]

@@TheLoveFix-Nick yes of course 👍

[@chathsubha8767]

@@TheLoveFix-Nick 💕❤️😊

[@rabblerouser5682]

Great video. Interesting perspective.

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

Thanks buddy. Appreciate it.

[@DestroAzureDx]

Sadly I messed up. They messaged me first and it was only a week after the break up. Radio silence from me I told them they dont have care about me anymore and I'm seeing someone else already after they messaged me. They tried to play it off as "oh I just wanna make sure you dont jump into any relationships like I did in the past and work on yourself" I worked me ass off at 3 jobs so that my parents money situation wasnt terrible and as soon as i got back she dumped me. There was so much in that month i went through and i made sure to tell her i missed her before i passed out and she dumped me. After i told her that I'm seeing someone else she got sad and clammed up. "I dont want to talk to you right now" after she messaged me. It's been a month since then. I dont think I set up no contact but we arent speaking and I've been doing me. I wanted a future with her and she spit in my face. I asked her what was wrong and i begged the day of because I felt fucking lied to. I had all this passion for her inside and she dumped me after 5 years together.

[@TheLoveFix-Nick]

Sorry to hear that buddy. Sadly, time does not equal success. 5 months, 5 years, 50 years…. Anyone can walk away at any time. Stay on your purpose and let her have all the freedom and silence she can handle. It will bite her in the end.