Flirting While in a Relationship

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[@Denf0]

I think flirting is a boundary that all parties in the relationship just have to have a conversation about and come to an agreement on. Just like any other relationship boundary, violating it constitutes cheating, so trying to say whether something is or is not objectively cheating isn't really productive because boundaries have to have context in order to make sense, and context changes from situation to situation. So no, flirting isn't cheating.

[@hockeyfan131993]

what a mature mindset

[@felipin0709]

I couldn’t have said it better myself

[@SeamlesslyAwkwerd]

Amen!

[@lorenzog9045]

Yes! So many relationships fall apart because there is no communication about expectations.

[@dorothygale1104]

Exactly.

[@DesmondRamelb]

Lol! The “or I’ll block you” falls in so nonchalantly. On topic: For me, as a person that just got out of a monogamous four year relationship recently, I have a changed perspective on this. I believe the in the moment flirting is okay as long as it is not intended for further pursuits and does not take away from your partner. By that I mean, one would not betaking away time by being on the phone or neglecting the present partner to do said flirting. This could also include emotionally investing in someone else, with the result of less emotional investment in your partner.

[@TCt83067695]

Then in theory polygamy might be ok if the flirter character can devote the required amount of physical and emotional investment in their partners.

[@atlantian88]

About 3 years ago I found out my boyfriend was flirting via messages with other guys as well as exchanging pictures and videos; we had been dating five years so it was a shock. He didn't see it as cheating because it was non-physical but my issue was we never had a prior discussion about our boundaries. It almost broke our relationship because the level of trust I had in him fell, I am ok with the flirting but say something it felt to me like he hid it, more so because these messages were with people I knew too.

[@LouLouKatchoo]

Wow! Yeah, like there’s innocent flirting, but this is definitely crossing all sorts of boundaries! Sorry you had to go through that!

[@thegreydeer4014]

Yeah same story. Also he was inviting people over but based on his words “It was only part of the game and no one ever came, only used it to jerk of and get their pictures”. We are still together but I’m not sure myself if the trust can be renewed and the relationship better get less harmful sooner than later. 😵‍💫

[@thegreydeer4014]

Sorry oversharing 😂

[@jonathancoltman]

I think it’s the intention behind the action that makes the difference. One will never truly know what another’s intentions are, no matter how close you are to them. At the end of the day it’s a question regarding trust. Do you trust your partner or not?

[@Raioneru93]

In my current relationship, we understand flirting is a natural part of socializing. As long as we do not hide it from one another, it is cool. We prefer being honest and communicating about our feelings, even with things like that.

[@ryanjohnson8960]

I think if it starts online, its closer to cheating than not. If it starts when you’re around someone a lot like in the workplace, it’s a lot further from cheating. Online; you’re actively talking to someone for an obvious reason. In person (office, school, etc.); you develop an amiable relationship with the person before flirting may even start so it can come naturally eventually. As long as the partner is actively thinking about their partners boundaries and they aren’t crossing them, they’re not cheating!

[@jesusynfante5249]

Yes! It is. Flirting implies some kind of effort to attract a person; you’re calling or welcoming that person to come closer to you, or viceversa. It’s an invitation! And ultimately, bigger things can happen from there if the person in the relationship doesn’t know how to SAY NO. Also, Complimenting =/= Flirting.

[@joshsleezetube]

For me there’s a difference between “flirting” and “creeping”. Flirting to me is harmless, I’ve had many a conversation with partners about “hey he’s cute right?” but there’s enough respect there to never act on those thoughts. Now creepin… THAT’S that Instagram shower shit. That’s absolutely a form of indirect cheating and if someone does that, then they need to take a look at their relationship and see what the issue is, because if you’re in a relationship and happy with it, you don’t feel the need to take it that far and there’s an underlying issue there.

[@zeruth467]

With Instagram shower?

[@joshsleezetube]

@@zeruth467the example of “oh I’m getting in the shower” dm type stuff to me, is creeping. Like, imo that’s not okay.

[@mw12006]

👏👏👏 BRAVO MARK!! Im loving all these vids where your raising questions alot of people are thinking and dont speak much about it. I think this vid touches on many great points, overall the trust, communicate and respect between partners is the key to navigate this. I recently got out of a relationship where my partner would be flirtatious with other guys on a night out and online, but not with me (cause the honeymoon period was over). I personally didn’t mind in the beginning cause i felt secure and loved. As time passed over, I could see them being more flirtatious with other people and I felt like how come you are like that with them and I am just standing here watching. Then when i mentioned it and how i was uncomfortable, they said thats who they are and they wont apologise for being flirtatious. I personally believe you need to make sure you are respecting your partner, confirm what they are comfortable with to ensure they feel secure and provide the trust in knowing they have nothing to worry about. Cause you may not know what they are thinking and in that state its always the worst things first, which escalates to a heightened state. Overall, be Tust! Communicate! And Respect! Love your vids mark ❤️

[@copperfalcon1]

In my opinion if you're seeing someone/dating someone and you flirt with someone else that is definitely one of the ways of cheating. There is also emotion cheating, online cheating, micro cheating just to name a few. Cheating is one thing I will not stand for ❌

[@berkkyc3600]

Absolutely 👍🏼

[@SABOREAME68]

⭐⭐⭐⭐ I have always stated to myself "How would I feel if I caught my partner doing such" Lastly, expecting more from the people we love is the greatest cause of disappointment and giving more to those who do not deserve it it is also.

[@sebastienacasuso4452]

There should be a conversation with the “couple” about where the “line in the sand” is being drawn. I have been with guys who are ok with my flirtatious personality, and that was great. I have also been with guys who are not ok with my flirtatiousness. In that case I hold my self back, and am aware of their sensitivities. Communication Is Key!

[@justinsmith3721]

You’ve helped me so much growing up haha and I really appreciate your insight. You’ve been a Constant and it’s been a while since I’ve checked in on these videos and I’m glad I did And thank you! I missed ‘em! Thank you !

[@belizeguy]

Well, 35 years into an exclusively Monogamous Relationship, where zero cheating was tolerated by either of us, we seem to be surviving pretty well. Two items have come up. At work, we both were flirtatious especially with our Customers. But those flirtations were never ever a situation where we ever touched another person. Verbal banter across the counter was it, basically. Both retired now and, at our advanced ages, a little text message or so never seems to hurt. Again, no contact ever, just text. No Coffee later, none of that. Interesting as always Mark. Thanks.

[@AJBlue98]

Asking whether flirting is cheating, is like asking what love is. Everybody has a different answer, and every single one of those answers is right because love is personal if it’s anything at all. The same goes for both flirting and cheating. And especially since both flirting and cheating involve at least two participants, clear, honest communication between them is super important to making sure people don’t get hurt.

[@evgenyvvedenskiy9303]

Love the video, watched it first on Patreon and now here. Great job Mark to bringing up this topic xxx

[@RyleeMaxwell]

My younger self would easily say that any type of flirting is CHEATING, but i've come to realize with age that everyone has their own thoughts and its okay to compliment someone. Now if they're doing other things besides complimenting, it might push the line or boundary.

[@francoisdepeyrac]

"You have such beautiful eyes. Bye, have a good day !" = COMPLIMENTING "You have such beautiful eyes. I am completely hypnotized." = CHEATING

[@Implosion-Gaming]

​@@francoisdepeyracExactly...its about intentions.

[@ely3693]

@@francoisdepeyracI still see it as a compliment tho.. I will still say thank you 😂

[@joeydiaz5168]

Same.

[@DonasTheArtist]

Your tattoos look so good still- also STILL hoping for a tattoo tour one day 😫

[@louisdewit4429]

His tattoos are just messy ink littering his body. Get rid of then and IF he wants one then get a proper one, Maori type, on a part of the body, like upper arm or chest above the nipple, where it enhances, also the line of the body, and not, as in many unfortunate cases, just blocks the skin. Like them ink ‘sleeves’. He’s so attractive. Ciao.

[@sethcatron3725]

I’m my opinion, flirting is cheating for sure. It usually implies openness to entertaining the idea of being with that person 🤷🏼‍♂️ not a loyal action in my eyes

[@sofhiekrygsmanjaroszynski5246]

👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@Stevezftw]

For me it’s very easy. My partner can flirt if they want. I have full trust in my partner. My boundary is “look at whatever you want, just don’t touch”

[@maynard_ross]

Look, don't touch. I have been flirted at and have done it. No harm, no foul. It has actually spiced things up in the bedroom ;-)

[@eusaboston]

That’s so stupid . It gives insecurity … if someone flirts with you , you’ll just say “ sorry I’m in a relationship “ ? that’s so dumb I can’t even express how dumb it is . Flirt and just draw a line in the sand .

[@Stevezftw]

@@eusaboston this is true for some people but others trust their partner enough to know that they won’t cheat.

[@mclefferson]

regardless of if a relationship is open or closed, partners need to feel comfortable discussing how the actions of one affect the other and the relationship as a whole. There should always be a level of communication that goes beyond implicit trust, because feelings can get hurt when things are vague.

[@derekamos2586]

Personally, my partner and I have an understanding that getting attention from other guys and being nice or minimally entertaining it is okay. It's nice to get affirmations from people you don't really know or from friends even. Exchanging messages, photos, or videos without communicating to your partner is cheating I believe. Relationships are supposed to be built on trust and if you're communicating with someone in that way without your partner knowing on purpose, it's not a good look. Like Mark said, establishing boundaries, likes, and dislikes early on is very healthy and I vibe. I am my partner have discovered we're very monogamous and that works for us but it may not for others. We have friends that are open and they absolutely love it and we respect them for it. COMMUNICATION is key. Love this conversation

[@daniepwils]

Communication and boundaries are key in a relationship, so the question of "is flirting cheating" really is specific to your relationship and what boundaries you have as a couple/thruple/etc. I don't flirt, but I am always nice to people and sadly some folks take that as flirting. People assume most gay couples are open, but my husband and I aren't. If someone is flirting with me, If it's in person I normally just ignore it if it's a man. If it's a woman, I try to "gay" it up, and they usually get it! But online when I get private messages I always try to respond kindly with something along the lines of "Thank you very much, I appreciate it and am flattered, really I am, but I am happily married". Normally it ends there, but some guys then try to take it further, I guess as a challenge, but when that happens I just ignore their comments.

[@timfitzgerald6575]

To me I think it’s cheating emotionally. Flirting is not looking at a guy and acknowledging that he’s hot in your mind. Or hearting a hot dude on Insta as you scroll. For me it’s the deliberate pursuit of attention or response to attention from someone else other than your partner. I’ve often found that the relationships which I have failed at have been when we’d both lost the ability to fight for one another, to court one another, and to keep the spark alive. Flirting with randoms has always been something that I have found to coincide with boredom, laziness, self gratification and selfishness. We all want to feel sexy, adored, wanted. But In a monogamous relationship If those needs aren’t being met, then perhaps something deeper is at play. And then when you’re single, of course the rules change haha. 😂 It’s also very easy to want and get attention with your phone in private. Agree that communication is the most important thing.

[@woodswithwoody]

The moment he said 'Love you

[@cb85789]

Dan Savage just did a question on this exact question. Worth a listen/read.

[@tyronesquare3287]

Where can I read this information?

[@cb85789]

@@tyronesquare3287 google Savage Love - sadly it may be subscriber only at this point, I'm not sure if any local "city papers" still carry the column

[@michael6185]

@@cb85789 Dan Savage has a podcast as well, called "Savage Lovecast". There is a free version as well as a longer subscriber version.

[@ChristianSidwell]

Excellent topic to bring into a conversation. Thank you for sharing your thoughts & insight.

[@ivanfedorov9625]

That's a great question that sheds light on the nature of gay relationships. In my opinion, regardless of whether it's a gay or straight relationship, it's important to recognize that it's still a relationship. Mutual respect is crucial. It involves a commitment to one's partner and the values they hold dear. While relationships can be short, they should still be acknowledged as meaningful connections. It saddens me to witness how the definition of relationships and family has evolved, and I hesitate to consider it progress. As for flirting, it can be seen as a form of betrayal or cheating in some sense. It's difficult to control one's actions when they are committed to someone else. Peace ☮

[@CCPR691]

Nice topic Mark. This is one of the topics, that may cause many fights between couples and sometimes is the meltdown of relationships. Everyone is human, and we make a lot of mistakes. We are men, and we are always looking to cross the line to actually flirting with someone when we are in a relationship, which could be considered cheating.

[@Socialling]

Idk. In my culture ppl flirt all the time to tease others. Obv if it’s clear both ppl are trying to get in each others pants it makes others uncomfortable /is not ok. But I felt growing up, flirting amongst adults was viewed as harmless as teasing and poking fun. But for meeeee in my relationship I don’t flirt w others even as a joke bc I don’t want my partner to ever doubt where im at. I think whether I’d feel insecure about my partner flirting will probably depend on whether I already had reasons to feel insecure about their interest

[@rickshearer]

Flirting is absolutely natural but can be considered as cheating when it crosses boundaries which are mutually set, agreed and understood by the monogomous partners (good luck with that) . 😮 I appreciate the topic and agree with your qustions and observations Mark!

[@tomyoung2935]

Have no comment on flirting but just wanted to tell you how much I enjoy your channel. I like the format that you tackle on relevant subjects for gay people and people in general at times and are never judge mental. Very informative and maybe a different perspective that a person has never considered. Anyway take care and stay safe. 😊😊😊😊😊😊

[@Ray_Vun]

i think it can really depend. sometimes really is mindless flirting, the person might not even realize they're doing it. but it is basically the gateway to cheating. the partner, if they find out, will likely not be pleased about it and it'll create a lot of distrust in the relationship. but while the flirter is mainly at fault for it, the bigger fault is of the flirtee if they're in a relationship. if you're aware there's some level of flirting going on, and you're in a relationship, you need to put a stop to it. because while the flirter might be completely harmlessly flirting, they might not even know that you're in a relationship, and they might not realize they're crossing the line. so if you're in a relationship and someone is flirting with you, you need to set boundaries

[@thundermix100]

I've been in an open relationship for 7 years. and has been my best relationship ever. No headaches no worrying, nothing hidden DMs, everything is just open and authentic and has been my best mental and relationship state ever

[@josercarrillo16]

Loved everything you said!! 👏👏👏

[@AlessandroSollima]

You are clearly flirting with me in this thumbnail.... So stop it ! 😂❤

[@FilledHunchbacks]

My ex of 6 years cheated on me with my 2 gay best friends 3 days after he accepted my marriage proposal. He told me a few days later, and I forgave him. He kept doing it, and 8 excruciating months later - we broke up. This happened 6 months before COVID hit. In short - flirting is not cheating. Cheating is anything you do that you feel the need to hide from your partner. Years later, I have a new problem. I am afraid to meet gay people in my city. (Columbus, Ohio) All of my friends, while absolutely amazing people, are straight dudes with kids. I spend my weekends doing nothing, and it is absolutely horrible. But, I am stuck. I don't know how to continue. I am not going to lie - I almost didn't make it through it. All of my friends that are left over are straight dudes with kids. I didn't get to see anyone for like a year. I am an extrovert. This did not go well for me. But, I found a guy online who died in the 70s named "Alan Watts" who actually helped me get over it. I highly recommend listening to a lecture of his on something you are questioning. One of his biggest points is: If you don't know what you want, that is for two reasons. 1. You already have it. 2. You are upset you don't know yourself - and no one can ever truly know themselves. It is like trying to kiss your own lips. Don't swim against the current, just get used to the fact you don't know yourself and enjoy the ride. "Life is Not a Problem to be Solved, But a Reality to be Experienced." I need help experiencing life again because I was previously described as being larger than life in social situations. Now, I just stay inside and pet my cats.

[@pjaybasmaignee]

I really hope you’re doing okay nowadays and I love Alan Watts as well he has some amazing lectures on here that can really open up your mind and in a way heal you! ☺️💓

[@FilledHunchbacks]

@@pjaybasmaignee aww, thank you. I am different today than I was before. Before, i was an extrovert and talked to everyone. Now, i stay home most of the time and avoid people. When I do meet someone, I usually talk their ear off in a sort of manic way… which scares them away. My close lifelong friends I’m good with. But I used to always be meeting people. Now, I spend a lot of time walking, going to the gym, or gaming. The idea of meeting people- especially gay people- in groups - just isn’t me anymore. If it is one on one or one on two im generally okay. But take tonight for example. I met a gay couple to go rock climbing. I liked them, and I wanted to hangout with them more, so, I kept talking and talking and talking. Pretty sure the one hates me, and the other was just being nice. It’s weird, I never thought about this stuff before- I just was sociable and it was easy. Now I don’t realize I’m being annoying until its too late. When in fact I just get excited and don’t want it to end, and I come off as insane. To answer your question, usually I’m okay. Tonight is just a particularly bad night.

[@marty88ish]

Not sure if it’s cheating but I know it hurts my feelings if someone I’m dating does it in front of me.

[@thegreydeer4014]

Does it hurt less if they doing it behind your back?

[@marty88ish]

@@thegreydeer4014 I’m the monogamous type, so for me it hurts no matter how they do it. It’s hard to feel anything if they’re cheating and you have absolutely no idea though, if that’s what you’re asking.

[@allaboutoz]

I’d love to talk with you, we’d probably have long conversations for sure! … about flirting, I do agree that the intention behind the compliment is what defines if is cheating material or not. It’s true we all like attention in different ways, but I guess it’s also true that one can find that level of attention coming from just one person, that person being your partner and I think that’s beautifully enough and if somehow it isn’t, well then it might be a sign that it is better to be single and open for the attention of others, what do you think?

[@berkkyc3600]

100 percent agreed. I believe that attention seeking behavior can be hurtful and destructive. If I am happy and content in my relationship why would I need other people to make me fulfilled on that level. It is just inappropriate and hurtful. If you want more attention then go invest in your partner because whatever you give you attention to will keep growing. Deep down we always know the answer and the right thing to do. There is nothing more beautiful than investing your energy and attention in your family.

[@ancilwarren8386]

Yes Mark I do totally agree and understand you're thoughts .......

[@patrickturner136]

100% communication BEFORE an action is key. "Hey I just banged a stranger, is that okay?" Is not the vibe. That said, I feel like a little mutual appreciation between folks is fine but it's important to a) really be aware that, that's what you're doing, and b) put the breaks on BEFORE the boundary is reached. Like if you're having a flirty convo with someone online maybe end it with. "This was a lot of fun! Got to head out for dinner with the boyfriend now. Catch you later!" Again, all super dependent on the boundaries YOU HAVE ALREADY DISCUSSED with your partner(s).

[@Bazz59]

I've always been a pretty social person and have been called "flirty" more times than I can remember , even before I knew the meaning of the word , I do tend to think that everyone seems to have a different definition of flirty too , people who are possessive or with a tendancy to be jealous , think any conversation with "Their" partner is flirting ... My partner was awfully jealous when we first met , as I was fairly well known in our "scene" and he met me on one of his first nights out at a particular bar , which was also my favorite bar at the time , so there were always friends coming up for a hug n kiss greeting ... I also worked in one of our bathhouses at the time so "flirting was really a part of the job there , but it never bothered me , and eventually as he got to know me , ( and my/our friends ) it didn't bother him either ... we've pretty much done most things together so we share our friends / families anyway ... we have had a couple of issues regarding gossip whilst we were parted for a few weeks helping a friend out in another city , but we both knew exactly what was happening and we took it all with a grain of salt ... PS I've had to watch this video a few times , as I'm a leg man from wayback , and you sure as hell have great legs Mark ...

[@emms4867]

I feel like the definition of cheating is doing something that your partner has previously said that they would feel disrespected by you doing. If there is an understanding that you have both entered a 'standard' monogamous relationship then I think being physically sexual with another person is a given form of cheating that you may not think to clarify with your partner as it's a standard form of cheating which basically goes without saying. But anything else I would say is a grey area and couples find out through experience and certain mishaps where the boundaries lie and when to draw the line with types of flirting. I think this is why at the start of relationships partners should be willing to forgive one another if a situation arises where you're partner took flirting too far, because in this case, the boundary may not have been previously discussed so the partner may not have known the other person would feel disrespected by this. Once you learn and set new boundaries, if the partner repeats their actions when they now know you consider that action to be a form of cheating... That's when it is cheating. Basically every relationship will have a different definition of what cheating includes

[@meshzy13]

Been there and done that before but now i learned. I am in a relationship and even though i seek validation from others by sometimes posting thirsttrap I never replies to any of the DM.

[@bstaff88]

"I'm glad this is an environment where you feel free to fail". - Don Draper

[@coryrob]

It depends on a lot of decisions for sure. Some people think flirting is cheating, while others find French kissing someone else still isn’t cheating. This is where personal definitions blur the lines of what is actuality and what is infinite. The idea of having an open mind about the answer to this question may mean that flirting could be cheating if that is what one person believes. While watching your video, Mark, I couldn’t help but think of all my past relationships where I’ve been cheated on and wondered if what I know now about those relationships, if I could have ended them quicker in anyway so as to not have given myself to one person. I’m at a point where I’ve given myself away so much that I don’t know who I am anymore and have a hard time believing that I’ll ever find someone in our community that I find fits my mold and doesn’t want for someone else. I’m trying to portray a want for one person to be the all and I thought I found that in someone. I was sadly mistaken after 10 years of putting forth effort and work towards a relationship that went sour. But now I feel like I’m cheating on my own feelings if I try flirting with other men and I have a hard time getting past what I knew and loved. Sucks being let go by a best friend who I loved wholeheartedly. 😢 So, is flirting cheating? My truth is, depends on who is involved and how much pain you want to inflict.

[@paulobezerra3956]

I know this comment is one month old but don't give up you can still find someone who can be with you

[@JharredT]

my husband used to say a lot when we first started dating that I'm biggest flirt he's ever met. and the truth is, I am. but he knew that about me early on and he knew that I do not do it with the intention to be romantic with the person I may be "fliting" with, I just... am that friendly I guess? It also helps that I only really hang out with our straight teammates so he's not threated by me flirting with them haha. but I say all that to say, you're significant other knows you and your intention, if their bothered by you intentions behind the flirting then, IN MY OPINION, they have some underlying concerns as well about you cheating

[@geraldmckillip5594]

Yes !!!

[@bei1016]

Being on The Other Side of a Relationship, With Someone that has Self Esteem Issues. They Feed Off the Flirting, And Will Lie to get it. To Be Married to Someone, that Told people " We have An Open Relationship" I was Emotionally Crushed.

[@SandyRief2023]

I was once told that any time you seek out something from another person that you should be receiving from your partner you are on shaky ground. It would be wise to ask yourself the hard questions. On a related story. I have always been oblivious to flirting. When I was a teenager I worked with someone that was like a big brother to me. All the middle aged women decided we were having an affair because of how we interacted with each other. We only found this out after they thought we had broken up😂 he had a fiance and I had a boyfriend and the thought of dating my pseudo big brother was 🤢

[@brianbalcarcel5618]

It can be or it can lead to cheating. I used to see the red flags with one of my ex’s and he would quickly shut it down or flip it back to me (don’t know why I allowed it) but after we broke up I had MULTIPLE people reach out letting me know that he would exchange nudes with them and stuff… yeah I can tell you I didn’t take him back when he wanted to get back together.🙂

[@meshzy13]

Good for you!

[@johnzook4958]

I’m my opinion, as someone who studies communications as part of my future job, the primary center of whether or not flirting is cheating is to answer the question: what was the intention of the original message sent? When we text we lose a HUGE part of communication that as humans helps us interpret meaning which is called suprasegmentals which denotes things like tone, emotion, and nuance. In person, there are so many ways where flirting could not cross the boundary between purposeful and ambiguous. For example, I had a male coworker who literally could not not sound like he was flirting with absolutely every living person. However, that was just his natural tone and how he was. Also the added bit of being a person who looked like the standard male of S tier attraction. He is extremely straight but since he is actually a really nice and caring guy, the way he naturally talks (his inflection, his tone, his facial expressions, etc.), and how much attention he gave to every conversation made it feel like he was intentionally and purposefully flirting with you. Just how he is but there’s no intent behind it. His goal isn’t to be seductive, charming, flirtatious, or to lead you to think that he is trying to engage in anything more than platonic and professional interactions. So, when it comes to where’s the line between talking, flirting, and cheating, it comes down to what was the intention of your communication, what was the literal message sent, and did you mean for anything more to happen other than platonic engagement or facetious messages. Another thing is whether or not you and your partner have set up explicit boundaries. If you and your partner haven’t set boundaries then you can’t hold them or yourself responsible for a boundary crossed when that boundary was not established.

[@a.j.stauft1779]

Ended the engagement...even friends said it's disrespectful...tells your partner he isn't enough..or your looking 👍💯

[@thundermix100]

to add to my previous comment, each relationship should be free to make their own rules. your own path of how you want to have your relationship open or not. that is more natural than all of the extra worrying and creating insecurities, and heart breakages

[@shimanopetermann9068]

I think, what it comes down to is how your current relationship works. And with that I don't mean the boundaries you set but how you're treating eachother. Because that can completely change the whole context of the flirting situation. Like, do you never flirt with your partner or do they not flirt with you? Are you missing something in the relationship and try to get that somewhere else? Because then it's not a mindless flirt. In that case, you flirt to get something that you don't get from your partner and it's not just a simple flirt, but you forming a bond with someone else. That's what I'd consider cheating. Because there's an emotional component to the whole thing and probably some resentment towards the partner. And it's even worse if you start neglecting your partner because you're to preoccupied flirting with others. In a working relationship where both are attentive to the other's needs, it doesn't have to be a big deal to have a mindless flirt with someone else because you know what? Sometimes validation from someone else than your loved ones does feel good. Because from your partner you already know they love you amd probably will continue to do so, even when your not that conventionally "attractive" anymore. But to get attention from a total stranger who probably only judges you by your looks shows you that you "still got it". And there's nothing wrong with wanting that from time to time as long as it's not a symptom of existing problems in the relationship. And of course as long as it just stays a harmless flirt and nothing more.

[@francoisdepeyrac]

"You have such beautiful eyes. Bye, have a good day !" = COMPLIMENTING "You have such beautiful eyes. I am completely hypnotized." = CHEATING

[@MorganTN]

Ive always held the belief that couples should have relationship negotiation conversations every year or two. It's where you lay out the boundaries, expectations, and set goals for your lives together. eg. buying a home, starting a business ect. It also gives you a moment to discuss things that may annoy the other which can help you setup personal improvement goals. It's meant to be an open inviting conversation of your dedication to each other and growing together as a couple. Not intended as a complaint fest.

[@kindercolin]

Usually I agree with you on many topics... This time I might be not fully on board. In my opinion if you are in a relationship you are not looking around otherwise you are no in a relationship by definition. Flirting could be fun and it does not mean you want to cheat. - to me texting "how cute" "❤" even kisses and hugs on Ista is flirting, sending pics e personal details is cheating not flirting anymore to be clear. Flirting is not a way to start anything sneaky and should not be term of setting boundaries. Lack of respect needs to set boundaries. We all know there is a fine line not to cross. Flirting by giving compliments is nice and responding positively is cool. Just my thoughts 😎☮️

[@Maincourse19]

Yes, you know what you are doing when you are flirting. A spark with someone does mean it is meant to be. If you are in a relationship (commitment/monogamous), you need to mindfully be telling yourself you are choosing your partner. If this is a long term commitment, you need to understand that there are no other options and that your commitments are important. Does it mean a hot guy that catches your eye won't cross your path in the future? No. It means you have already made the CHOICE to be with someone. That hot guy isn't even an option. If you actually entertain him and flirt, I would think you are not ready for a serious, long term relationship. If you doubt your choice and would like to entertain other options, then either let your partner know or break up with them. Let your partner make the choice at this point. Your partner deserves someone who wakes up and chooses them everyday, without hesitation or a doubt in their mind. Just as you do. Love is free. Your partner should let you make that choice without controlling you (think of checking your phone, guilt tripping you, making you feel bad). Your partner should walk away if you have a wandering eye and aren't prioritizing a relationship. You are building an empire with someone. If the relationship is open/no strings attached/for fun then that is a different story. Just because something is natural (flirting, butterflies, sparks) does not mean we should let it happen. We always have free will in this life. You have the free will decision to choose your partner each day and understand that is who you chose. If your partner really loved you, instead of being toxic they would let you go. That is the most healthy thing. They should choose themselves as you are not choosing them. They should pick up, leave, and find someone better suitable and let you go on your journey. Without hate or toxicity. It is hard when we have built an attachment to let go of that person. We want to hold on; which can bring out the worst in us at times. If it were me, I would value myself enough to give my partner a choice to correct this behavior. Humans can be selfish and want our cake and eat it too. We have to be mindful of our actions so we do not act out of line in relationships. It takes work. It isn't a straight (lol) slope to happy land. It is choosing to work at the relationship each day. At the end of the day, if my partner was constantly entertaining others, I would pick up and walk away. Trusting the blessings I have in this life and valuing/loving myself. Don't put up with someone who doesn't value the relationship. Understanding that my partner still has growing to do and let them have their journey.

[@davidastewart1188]

It all depends on the agreements of the relationship. I personally feel like flirting is foreplay so I don’t (seriously) flirt with anyone besides my partner. But also how are we defining flirting. I think a solid construct of the term is essential before a real debate on the matter can happen

[@niss519]

Interesting topic! I think you’re right. We humans we naturally flirt. Even if we don’t think it’s flirting. I think DMing someone things like I’m in the shower, you? Is cheating. Cause that’s a little to explicit. But I think complimenting and acknowledging someone’s beauty isn’t a bad thing. And like you said if your partner is aware of the things being said and how you act with someone and they’re okay with it, it’s okay. But if your partner has concerns about someone you need to cut it off. May be something your partner sees that you don’t. I never know when someone’s hitting on me😂 but I am very friendly and it could be taken the wrong way. But my gf will always be treated different to me. She’s on a higher pedestal.

[@SuperJrs2011]

Depends on definition (of boundaries) and trust. I like to think I could walk into a party with my bf and know when we leave we’re going home together, knowing that neither of us has done anything that would hurt one another.

[@gabrielncali8999]

Always good talk Mark! 👊👍🌈

[@edualvesi]

I particularly think that betrayal is composed of two phases: intention and execution. Regardless of our choices, it is necessary to have affective responsibility, because a relationship is something that involves more than one person.

[@thecharger98]

You and your partner(s) can decide for yourselves what the terms of your relationship(s) are. Cheating means violating the terms of the relationship. What’s cheating in your relationship might not be cheating for someone else’s and vice versa. And you and your partner can renegotiate the terms of your relationship at any point, if necessary.

[@zachevens4271]

I think it depends on the boundaries set in the relationship. Everyone is unique and some may have looser definitions of cheating while others are more strict. Just circles back to needing better communication early on to know where the limits are. What I would wanna hear more on is why is it now of days more intimate to share hobbies and likes and dislikes than sharing nudes or sexting. That to me is crazy

[@math11as]

100% yes. It is cheating

[@magellanmccartney2187]

Where do you get your shorts from ?

[@footonfire2816]

Flirting depends on the boundaries of the relationship. My husband and I are in an open marriage, but there are ways that flirting can cross into an area we would both consider it cheating. Kind of a wild concept at first that there are ways to cheat with words, while at the same time physical contact may not be cheating. Cheating is breaking the rules. Some people are more than happy to use the standard default rules set up by their community, and some people prefer to make their own. Break a rule, and you're cheating. If you have a rule, state it. If you aren't sure of something, ask first.

[@LeonScottKennedy134]

Hey mark buddy wasssup

[@benjamintocchi7909]

I think it depends on the boundaries of the individual relationship and how the flirting is done. I'll be flirtatious with people I meet out and about who I find are interesting and intriguing, even though I have no desire to take it any further. Flirting can be like a dance, a fun back and forth with someone else. I do consider flirting over DM/text/etc to be in a different category though...that can def be borderline cheating.

[@tobiasw7248]

People flirt. It is one way we connect with others. When I travel to a new location for work, be sure I'm getting a work husband or wife. It increases the value of the work experience. For me, those work spouses occur because neither one of us are actually available to be in a traditional relationship. So the flirting is fun and makes the day go by much faster. If you're in a relationship and want to believe your partner only finds you attractive, funny, and sexy. Then your delusion/expectations of someone else's behavior is the pain/disappointment you experience when your partner flirts with others. I am not the hottest person in the room, and neither is my partner. I love my partner for the complexities of their humanness that brings me joy and frustration. If they flirt with others, it just means they are human...just like me. Someone who is doing their best to make meaningful connections in this short experiment of life.

[@jayw3703]

I love that this is an open and safe place to have a conversation about an incredibly important topic. Not just for queer people, but for everyone! Looking forward to reading the comments. Thanks, Mark!

[@whitetiger1008]

Every smile is a reinforcement so to me flirting is an emotional & spiritual cheat. I've always tried to understand the point where I wouldn't be twanged by someone flirting with my partner (if I had one) and it always seems it's where I am happy & fulfilled where I am. Where I am centered. It's kind of a floating point system. Hope I'm making sense hahaha. 😁❤

[@reacts6790]

If you really love someone you never flirt. Because your eyes, and heart its only for your love. THATS LOVE

[@Gms1301]

That thumbnail tho 😍

[@raiderson1000]

In my Opinion ... It is! What's the expectation from the action of flirting? To me it would be to get attention... It could be any kind of attention it could be, emotional /romantic /sexual / or any kind of attention from the person in other the end receiving the flirt. Which I believe are things that you should seek from your emotional, romantic, sexual partner in a monogamous relationship. If you're looking for the previously mentioned attention from anyone that is not your monogamous partner that simply means one and only one thing. You're cheating. Again my opinion and opinion only. 🙂

[@jynar]

Love short shorts ❤😊

[@LuciferOfBenevolence]

Heavy flirting is cheating, light flirting probably not

[@loveFFKamloops]

In this capitalistic society we live, relationship are seen are property ! We sign a contract to be “ monogamous “! Imagine some one telling you that the only thing you can eat for the rest of ur life is “pasta”. We are not wired that way , we are supposed to spread our seeds , therefore, having as many partners as possible We can be in a committed relationship that does not mean an ownership one ! Enjoy life and enjoy each other without the guilt trip society impose in us❤️❤️❤️cheers

[@Stevezftw]

For me it’s very easy. My partner can flirt if they want. I have full trust in my partner. My boundary is “look at whatever you want, just don’t touch”

[@itsnickazzopardi]

Well, as you said, it depends on the depth of the “flirt” - the reaction, the consistency, etc. - otherwise, it could very well be politeness in just saying “thanks” or similar. Mutual respect is, IMO, the basis of a relationship - so, if it is flirting to a depth that can be considered disrespectful: that’s cheating. If someone is that willing on being able to dismiss their partner’s emotions, dignity, and time (from the relationship) a line has been crossed.

[@marcusmagnificus1984]

A wise man sees sin from afar and runs away from it, a fool proceeds and pays the price.

[@jacobwilliams339]

I agree with Mark. As long as it is just words i wouldn't classify it as cheating. I also think that if you do start flirting it can lead to cheating very easily.

[@chadcoxrox]

Flirting can be the mat at the door of cheating or it can be the social skill that establishes effective friendly interpersonal interaction depending on your skill the manage the outcome.

[@ronpotts6385]

Mark: * makes a video about flirting, while wearing the flirtiest outfit possible*.Well played, man. Well played. 😂

[@dreamsquare123]

Third. I'll take it.

[@IamDarrio]

There are so many ways to flirt, and not all of them amount to cheating. Besides, some people are less emotional than others. You just need to understand the person you care about.

[@shayg.4897]

my personal opinion is that flirting can be cheating if there's a boundary regarding that. if there isn't communication on boundaries and someone flirts and the other person is hurt; that is an indicator that there was a boundary crossed - talked about or not. always communicate those things early! 5:48 - to your point about the gay community and openness, i've read a bit about it being because there isn't a woman present. men are usually stimulated physically first and women need to be stimulated emotionally first (to use binaries in this example). so, without a woman present, most gay men can be a bit more open with flirtation and not take it emotionally. in lesbian relationships, it's not really like that, it's a bit of the opposite and i've noticed most women are more territorial and take flirtation more seriously/on an emotional level.

[@lechugitazombie55]

My ex said it filled his ego which I still find like cheating honestly.

[@user-ob8hv2ss1h]

If you're not capable of honoring established boundaries, that's cheating.

[@branbranbran5424]

Mornin

[@chodgson63]

Flirting is a grey area for a lot of ppl. It really depends on the boundaries you set in your relationship. I will tell you that from my own experience, I do not look at flirting as cheating...and this is primarily because if your in a relationship, it is going to change over time. While it may be monogamous initially, if both partners are not committed to that monogamy, the relationship will always have a lot of issues especially as the partners age and do not see the relationship the same way or if they still love each other but no longer desire each other physically... Open relationships have the same pitfalls because and in require a great deal more open communication about who what where and when...

[@jbar_85]

I am a nature flirt for sure. I have been in an 18 year relationship. I have no problem giving him my phone to review all of it if he wants too. We have trust. I mainly only flirt with this guy who’s married (to another guy) and my boyfriend is fine with it. He enjoys the break and I enjoy the flirtation from the other guy. Nothing has happened and we are just nice to one another.

[@Jblue92]

Using that mic while talking to us is flirting to start 😋 lol. But to answer your question, I would say yes. If you are flirting and your partner isn't intentionally aware of it, that's cheating to me. There's no reason to be saying or texting certain things to people and feeling as though you need to hide it from your partner. I feel flirting is an indication that you have some sort of liking towards that person or some sexual desire. Also, this coming from someone who has had 2 serious relationships and a body count less than 10 lol. Love you all 💙

[@scoobyut]

It's one thing to compliment someone and say they look good. However, so much is dependent on the boundaries the couple has set. Intention is very important.

[@xfallenaxis]

I’d say flirting with whom you’re attracted (boy/girl) is some what cheating. I was single at one point but I had been “DMing” a boy and we hit it off. Now that we are a couple and I were to DM another boy as you might say that would now that would throw their trust for you up in the air because of how we met. I think at this point being open and having communication about these topics with your partner is 1000% the answer to find out what they are comfortable with and not. Some might say it’s based off your intention but your intention might be different in your partners head than yours. Every person is different though. I’ve ran into girls at the gym who are married that flirt with guys all the time but aren’t happy with their relationship so can’t put everyone in the same bucket. 🤷🏻‍♂️

[@user-zn7tx3zo3i]

I am a 23 yo guy, who is in a process of breaking up... We had ups and downs, plus the guy is 10+ years older than me. But this topic is slightly triggering for me.. The problem was that he always wanted to get attention from everyone, he posted thirsty pictures everywhere almost completely naked... And I disliked it so much, because in my mind I couldn't comprehend why he needs it? I don't need it? And no, no kind of flirting is cheating, however, if you have an urge to flirt with someone, you probably do not need a relationship, or you need an open relationship (which I don't even understand why it's called a relationship and not just fwb or smth alike) or you just don't like the guy you are with. Anyhow, don't bother to lie to someone else if you need many guys at once or you need to change them like things in your wardrobe.. For me, I need to invest In a person to build something together, but unfortunately it wasn't the case. I think every gay guy is coming to realisation that it's very hard to find someone to build something together with... And I do not want to sound toxic or anything, but talking about open relationships and why they are valid, or why certain things are allowed for someone is just pushing to normalisation of these kinds of relationships.. No wonder I see only 1-2% of guys who actually get to the point of building something serious, while the rest of 30/40+yo just wonder around for a quickey and that's it. it's very sad...

[@shanirak]

One thing's for sure; them little shorts be doin' some flirting of their own. 🥵

[@keithfoester7326]

without context; yes, it is cheating to flirt with other people while you are in a relationship. with context; depends on how both parties in the relationship defines flirting (i.e., how much flirting is taking it too far/hurting, causing doubt, etc.). general rule: just because you can, does not mean you should. if you cause hurt to your significant other, no matter what your views on flirting is, you should stop.

[@berkkyc3600]

Flirting and watching porn are both cheating in my book. For me, commitment means not only sexual, but also mental and spiritual exclusivity. Creating a sacred space for intimacy and trust requires a lot of effort and both sides should honor that sacred space. There is nothing in this entire world that could make me even get near dishonoring my partner whether it be flirting or actual cheating.