How to Increase Psychological Flexibility | Being Well Podcast

Just like how physical flexibility is the amount of stretch in our muscles, the ability they have to bend without breaking, psychological flexibility is the same quality in our minds. It helps us look at situations in new lights, be open to our emotions, let go of old versions of ourselves, and step into new ways of being.
Dr. Rick and I both identify as “reformed rigid people,” and in this episode we explore how to become more psychologically flexible. We talk about rigidity as a form of psychological defense, the motivations for rigidity, the trap of assumptions and limiting beliefs, releasing attachment, and embracing new ways of thinking.
Key Topics:
0:00 Introduction
1:25 Choice, and the tradeoff between flexibility and speed
2:50 Rigidity, agency, and flexibility in relationship
7:50 Behavioral vs. psychological choices
10:35 The dock and the river, and self-protection
16:05 Inflexibility as a means to an end
18:00 Tools to inquire into your rigidities
21:00 When others’ behavior isn’t about you
23:20 A different perspective on distress tolerance
24:10 Assumptions and limiting beliefs
27:25 Willingness to change, and comfort in feeling change
34:30 Releasing attachment to your ‘place’
40:25 Understanding the function of your rigidity
42:05 Overidentification with goals and accomplishments
45:05 Stepping into the river
46:20 Recap
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Who Am I: I'm Forrest, the co-author of Resilient (amzn.to/3iXLerD) and host of the Being Well Podcast (apple.co/38ufGG0). I'm making videos focused on simplifying psychology, mental health, and personal growth.
You can follow me here:
🎤 apple.co/38ufGG0
🌍 www.forresthanson.com
📸 / f.hanson

[@drsandhyathumsikumar4479]

I really like that Forrest Hansen is becoming more assertive with his own clarity even though Rick gets into the role of supportive benign father / expert . Good to see new boundaries of self awareness being put and respected in this interesting dynamic of expert and adult child / owning his own awareness Bravo to both!

[@TheFreedPerspective]

I just love you two so much! I’ve dealt with rigidity my whole life and psychedelics have helped so much! Heard your dad mention LSD…he’s not wrong!😁 They directly help make parts of your brain more malleable to new thoughts. But honestly, this conversation was so therapeutic and helpful - thank you for always being such a soft and kind hearted person, Forrest!

[@carolgerber6375]

I've also been that person, and still do this sometimes, where I'm embarrassed on behalf of somebody else because they said or did the wrong thing. Or I'm angry on behalf of somebody else when someone does something or says something to them and they don't realize what just happened. I don't do this as much as I used to. I consider that a codependent behavior and I'm working on all of that! 😊

[@TheFreedPerspective]

Yes! Me too. I find that sometimes it’s a fine line between empathy and codependency…they both exist! But yes, the codependent stuff definitely produces more negative after-effects. Being aware is such a gift though🌻

[@jeangraham5351]

This good. The way you can tell, .. you get more out of it every time you listen. Thank you!

[@jeangraham5351]

Somebody please put a "is" in that comment. Yes, .. I know..I am a rigid ocd type.

[@avakennedy3519]

So, on the point about it being a protective measure to have experts on your channel to shore up your own opinions: I really prefer the shows that are just the two of you. There’s enough expertise there for me. Also, I love the sessions that you do on your own Forrest based on your research or your own opinions. But my favorite is the two of you discussing a topic, especially when you go deep and get vulnerable. I’m a fan!!

[@angeloneto7853]

I really appreciate listenning to you. Not only the content (which is always great) but your voice brings me a sense of self-awarness and peace at the same... I like it!❤ Sending you and your dad my love from another part from the world... so far from the US.

[@ingrid3578]

Narcissism to me is the biggest example of psychological rigidness. I grew up with a narcissistic father who ruled with an iron fist and shamed everyone who had different opinions and lifestyles. He saw himself as a god, an omniscient being who got to decide what was right and wrong. Looking back now, he lived a shockingly tiny life with few human connections. He was barely connected to his own wife and kids. As a result, I have a difficult time being creative and making decisions on my own. My automatic thought is that there is only one way to do things. I'm working so hard to challenge that.

[@emmabobby3666]

HI, so this is a strange question maybe and it's about IFS. What if the main part, that runs the show most often, is a fearful part? What if it isn't the strong protector but the little powerless fearful child? What are some things you can do to move on from there?

[@ForrestHanson]

That's a really interesting question. I'm not an expert on IFS so take this with a grain of salt. My understanding is that everyone has a Manager part; like you're saying, this part "keeps the trains running on time." They're responsible for keeping you reasonably on task and functional. Firefighters (parts that try to sooth us and protect us from pain, sometimes through maladaptive means) and Managers work to keep a person's Exiled parts (the parts that carry the pain of the system) in the dark, separating their pain from the rest of the system. This might make it seem like the Manager "runs the show," but that's not necessarily the case. The balance of power between the parts is fluid, and it sounds to me like you're describing a situation where the Exiled/child parts have basically staged a coup. Their unmet needs are such that they can no longer be repressed, and maybe have even sized control of the system as a whole. Working with exiles is a long and slow process, and I'm not a clinician. The conventional wisdom is that a significant part of the process is doing what you can to: 1. Understand the parts needs. 2. Get on the same side as those needs. 3. Allow the part to feel increasingly safe by meeting their needs. 4. Moving the part back toward the role in the system it was meant to play.

[@emmabobby3666]

@@ForrestHanson Thank you so much for taking the time to answer. I think you might actually be right about the staging of a coup and i think i know when it happened. A little over 4 years ago, a very close friend of mine, that i kind of felt responsible for, took his own life and i think it triggered something in me. I think my fearful and paralysing parts took over the whole "me system". It wasn't the first time they pushed me to not react in a "don't say or do anything and we will be safe" kind of way. But it is the first time they have been so clearly in control of the show. I think it might be linked to the fact that when i was living in my family home, my parent used to threaten to take her own life or that my father would die of a heart attack, as a way to make me feel responsible for their survival and make me obey the family rules. Just before my friend made his last decision, i had moved and had begun do try and take the time to heal the things that needed healing inside me. It feels like it could be relevant. Thank you so much for your answer. I don't think i would have come up with that by myself. Thank you.

[@bamboocreativebali7474]

Jo Dispenza is probably the best Go-to for interruption techniques/meditations and raising your energy in compassion for yourself, and creating a conversation with that part of you. .. also journaling and The crappy childhood fairy has some free material called the daily practice which has helped me a lot.

[@angelawilliamson6765]

I relate to the fear part often taking over and making decisions in particular situations that relate to change, new situations, a confronting conversation or thought even, tough decision making consequently avoidance and rigidity mode takes over.

[@BB-sg6ey]

Another outstanding episode! Thank you both for the insights!

[@BB-sg6ey]

…and the humor!!😂

[@lynnehendersonfisher]

Fabulous discussion. I learned about psychological flexibility reading and practising acceptance and commitment therapy. I love it because it brings a personal freedom and personal exploration which is also helpful to others. You find so much more about yourself when you put it into practice. Kind of aligns with being creatively alive in any situation. Makes life more interesting!

[@gwendolynmurphy9563]

I especially appreciate the specific "tools" offered to increase mental flexibility, i.e., inquiries and alternative perspectives. Thank you!

[@bell10877]

I really appreciate how you both explore together like this!

[@junesummers4045]

Thank you for creating and sharing this episode, Forrest and Dr. Rick! I especially appreciated the recap section that I can go back to help me digest all of this wonderful food for thought. :)

[@marymoeller4742]

Thank you so much 💗 Great topic!

[@cindygates6577]

This episode is one of you best so far. You both practice deep listening with follow up questions. Neither one of you is being "the one analyzed" but instead sharing from your own perspectives and backgrounds. Also excellent content to reflect on for quite a while as well as offer to clients as a discussion topic.

[@stephanielau1483]

Fantastic episode! Thank you!

[@pehu1322]

In brief: Forrest & Team you are great! I love your contributions and have already learnt so much. Please keep it up and you and your dad are a great team. Nice to see that there is such a good relationship in a family. Best regards Peter

[@dublingirl1691]

Great topic! I learned a lot about myself! 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

[@amandaguthrie8270]

Thank you😊

[@nraiassignments7661]

Always a five star podcast, but this episode was six or seven stars ⭐️ As always, I’m going away with new insights, and some fun imagery for it. Taking in the good from this one for sure!

[@superlady2960]

Wow wow wow. For this to pop up on my feed today, what a much needed reframe for me. Thank you. Your father is really great. Seriously. Thank you both. Cosmic views are always welcome ❤️

[@JamieR]

As always great episode! You make psychology engaging, fun and I look forward to every episode. Packed with great insight! I'm curious if you have heard of and might consider covering two modalities geared towards healing complex trauma. Dr. Lisa Schwartz (CRM) and Dr. Frank Corrigan (DBR). Comprehensive Resource Model (CRM), and Deep Brain Reorienting (DBR).

[@lisaj5769]

This episode was amazing and had such deep insights. This is a very interesting topic that i think probably applies to so many people whether they realize or don't fully realize this about themselves. I've been working on trying to improve my psychological rigidity and become more empowered, have more spaciousness around how i make my decisions, react to different situations, and this podcast really helped me make some good connections and i think i will be able to m ake further progress with my new understanding i take away from you and Rick's discussion. Thank you so much

[@sebastiangruffydd2765]

You talk about changing yourself. Freud said "People do not change. They only become more of who they are".

[@lonelyoldfathomelessbum]

I LOVe acid. I remember back in the day before I became size of Godzilla .. I dropped six hits lol ( they were small so I thought they were impotent ) On the high side. while I was high it was the best self help method. tx for podcasts. Love you both

[@angelamossucco2190]

Wow❤

[@Kieslowski1]

👏👏👏👏👏

[@PsicoK1]

👏👏👏❤❤

[@dangodongle]

I'm not finished with the vid, but I'm wondering how autism plays into this conversation. Would lessening rigidity just look gentler and slower? How much rigidity can one accept within themself? How do you know if it is healthy rigidity for someone more sensitive? I am not autistic but get phases of suspicion. Diagnosed with ADHD and cPTSD and find myself psychologically rigid but unable to keep to my rules. It feels like a cage and an unsustainable way of living I suppose I won't know how much flexibility I can create and tolerate unless I am willing and practicing :)