How Covert Narcissists Change Your Personality for the Worse

[@jcnlaw]

As an experienced divorce lawyer, I wish everyone would get educated about covert narcissists. The world would be a much happier place!

[@SeelenTaucher]

Interesting View of perspective

[@Rumination_Vertex]

Agreed! They are the most dangerous cause you don't see them coming!

[@1ReikiFloW]

the world would be a much better place without fake human law and all those who make so much money working for such a corrupt bogus system made by narcissists for narcissists as well.

[@lisaOK101]

@@1ReikiFloW true that!

[@dulceoliveira3601]

Yes because they try to hide what they're doing. Lucky for me I try to pay attention to people

[@Shadowman...]

Its quick for us to blame ourselves when were around a person who is in a constant state of anger

[@Rick40years]

Exactly. Same here.

[@dtr1286]

Wow 😢

[@davidsisson2026]

I think the narcissist, covert or overt. Tries to make you doubt your own sanity. We all have a part in how we react. Some people just want to exert dominance.

[@thoughtsonredbudhill]

Yeah. 😢

[@Shadowman...]

@@davidsisson2026 They love to create self doubt and invalidate EVERYTHING you say and do. Never doubt yourself EVER. Listen to your gut, the still small feeling within.

[@ND-or5so]

And the covert narcissist couldnt care any less about abusing us.

[@foxiefair123]

No. They don’t. Mine is busy being married to someone else. He has no idea how to have a relationship, so I don’t know how he’s going to pull that off, but it’s not my problem.😂I’ll have to pray for her.😂

[@ryanlandry8214]

Narcissists are like flies to a wound. Instead of being angry at the flies, tend to your wound. That is self care. ❤🙏

[@paiged6362]

Nope, not one single bit

[@puremaledark8305]

Its so insidious because they make you really believe it was all your fault, when really theirs.

[@Shayne_T]

I experienced this, but with family members. I was raised by two narcs, it was scary... I remember feeling like I could not wait to escape, about around 9 years old. Decent people can come from two narcs, they do not only breed narcs, or narcissistic children---they also breed empaths. Peace and healing to all of you... go no contact, it gets so much better. I love how you explain narc abuse in such a calm way, it's soothing.

[@KRH4Hwks]

I'm definitely an empath, but didn't even realize what is was, let alone know that I am one, until a couple of years ago. So many things make sense now. God Bless

[@KRH4Hwks]

My 1st of three Narcissist Abusers was my own "Grandmother ", if someone chooses to call her that... I call her Frances. I never she'd a single tear when she died. Sounds terrible of me, I am sure. But after what that woman did to me, that is nothing.

[@KRH4Hwks]

Shed

[@pactme]

After 28 years in a relationship, I’m 7 years out and still learning so much! So much gaslighting and power-and-control abuse in 28 years. Wait.. I wasn’t crazy? It’s an unreal realization. Baggage…

[@tonybolakowski6076]

I can relate to the non-laughter comment. The “Happy Go Lucky” part of me went away for a while too. Not being aware of unhealthy or toxic relationships can be taxing, especially when we try to be the superhero, and try to save the day, for the wrong people. This can take us down the wrong paths for YEARS… Instead of trying to solve a Rubix’s Cube by ourselves, it is wise to learn from others who have already successfully dealt with this stuff. Happy New Year everyone. 😊

[@LolaAileenVanslette]

Same here. A lifetime of not smiling a real smile, or laughing a real laugh. Only my children and late husband were the only ones who knew that person so long ago.

[@sototallyover2359]

Exactly, it's stored in your body.

[@KRH4Hwks]

@sototallyover2359 Absolutely 💯!! I have chronic pain because of all the years that I've endured it. But I am starting a new journey, it's call taking care of myself, Finally!

[@lannybackes1053]

I believe that only those who have lived this can truly comprehend it! Great video, more confirmation helping me through my healing journey! Thank you!

[@KRH4Hwks]

Ditto!!!

[@effortless-one]

Agreed. It can be so surreal sometimes that I have actual felt like I was watching it like an out of body experience.

[@lannybackes1053]

@effortless-one I felt that way many times too!

[@effortless-one]

@@lannybackes1053 🙏

[@dclarke1896]

I get you, Michele! I had to learn to truly laugh again as well.

[@Ed-lian]

Yes, what you said is true. It creates those feelings. I had a covert narcissistic mother. She made me the scapegoat child. I am an adult survivor. CPTSD is a result of this abuse. I went on 0 contact with my family. I couldn't wish a Happy New Year to family members and as a result of being scared to wish it to my nearest family I also am withdrawn from other social situations. It is difficult to let go of these internal beliefs. And now to overwrite with new, clear connections.

[@Maryam_Noor_T]

Narcissists have no sense of humor. It was exhausting because he expected me to be the source of entertainment. Awful people

[@JessMariaDwyer]

I can relate.

[@mohammadalyami6835]

My ex-wife took the life and character out of me. I became a shell of a man. Went through hardships with my 5 year old daughter, the kind of stuff if I wrote in a fictional book would sound a bit too much for drama. The laughter part is what got me. I laughed out loud with an uber passenger, and mentioned that its been years since i last genuinely laughed. All in all, i just now consider my self just above the waves professionally and financially, but emotionally, i recognize i need alot of work. Not convinced that group therapy is useful for me. I can't see the solution in being with other victims discussing the trauma.💔

[@KRH4Hwks]

The best part about group therapy is that you realize, "Hey, I'm not alone..." You also will hear how other survivors are coping and healing from this abuse. I've found it to be helpful in my life. Best wishes on your journey ✨️

[@CovetAmory]

Yeah, it's valid to feel like it's not helping, and to prefer a private session instead. I don't like to talk about my business out loud because there won't be time for feedback, or much at all, so it's like .. okay this isn't great, and some of the stuff I say is triggering, and some of the stuff they say is triggering, or some of the feedback I say pisses them off and vice versa and there's no time to defend ourselves and we end up stewing on it or something, or not knowing what to do when someone is really really going through it, see, I just prefer to talk to people one on one to help them or be helped. Is that kinda where you're coming from? Or do you find the trauma triggering, and like a session of sadness? Does it feel like it's not getting resolved at all? I kinda picked up that feeling from your post, interested to know more. :) I don't like group therapy. On youtube here or reddit or someplace though, talking with other survivors is the same concept only there's time for good feedback and talking. And it's way more private!

[@mohammadalyami6835]

@@CovetAmory it's really all of the above. I don't mind crawling through a mile of crap if it means I'll achieve salvation at the end, but just to end up where I started? Rather stay where I am and figure something else out. Some advice like the one from Michelle is good, but still often feels like being in an eco chamber instead of looking for a solution. There is some comfort in knowing that you're not the only "victim" out there, but being stuck in a victim frame can't be good, and being in a group of victims isn't going to help recover, in my humble opinion.

[@mohammadalyami6835]

@@KRH4Hwks thanks for your kind words. Coping is kind of like limping. Yes, you are walking, and yes it is better than laying on the floor, but barely, plus you are in pain, and other parts of you will have to compensate for the lack of what was damaged, which adds strain and exhaustion. I need to undo what was done. I need the proper frame of thinking to navigate my life through life's pitfall towards fulfillment, and help guide my daughter through the same. I am happy for you having found value in group therapy. All the best to you. I'd like to fix what's wrong.

[@KRH4Hwks]

@mohammadalyami6835 Thank you for your reply. I sincerely hope that you and your daughter find a safe source of recovery that will help heal all of the pain that you have endured. Best wishes ❤️

[@guenthermarschall01]

that´s absolutely true - thank you for explaining it. I also learned that if you are traumatized your neocortex shrinks and a hyper an active and growing amybdala (which is responsible for fear and shame). even after the relationship is over the neurological network is still physical affected by this which also keeps you stuck in the survival mode. that can lead to depression and a 24/7 state of fear, unable to do basic daily activities. It happened to me and it was a horrifying time. as if the relationship was a kind of "living in emotional Tschernobyl" for 6 months. Even when you are out of it, you are already hurt by the constant radioactive rays.

[@jenynz5334]

I heard brain spotting helps

[@Kathleensplace71]

All of this plus feeling like we need to protect the narcissist all of the time.

[@effortless-one]

I have thought of leaving so many times but it is that "protection" problem that keeps me stuck (39 years married). I have much more capacity to earn than she does (although my motivation / ambition / confidence has been eroded to a fraction of what it was) and so I feel terrible about leaving her to fend for herself.

[@MarleyLeMar]

I’m sending love to everyone here. I hope 2025 will be the best year ever for you. ❤

[@quantumnature514]

Same to you! ❤

[@mariarobles1570]

It makes a lot of sense. I grew up constantly doubting myself. I was very quiet. Shy, awkward. I knew always that wasn't me but I just couldn't be my real me. It took years and years of knowing my own worth and learning about narcissism. Um 63 years old and still re emerging my true me. Thanks so much for you truthful input. This was very helpful.

[@davidsisson2026]

I understand. It started when I was young. Being around my parents stole my joy. They were not bad people. Very screwed up emotionally. It caused a lot of problems. What I realized was that we all have problems. Spent a lifetime un learning. And realizing I am a person of worth

[@mayab5267]

This is exactly me. I have lost myself and don’t know who I am anymore.

[@DeepikaBhandari7971]

May God give you more strength, may the Almighty bless you with their love

[@ZurielKhemra]

same

[@ewar2919]

Sad that a person can make another person so confused. And to those believing in God: why has GOD created those bad people? These bad people using good people with "golden heart"...

[@DeepikaBhandari7971]

@@ewar2919 I can feel and understand you. But may be soon light of wisdom will reflect through the cracks caused In heart due to experience. May be it's a lesson for us to never exploit anyone, never make anyone feel that pain from which we went through and at thel same Time make boundaries and protect the self. Respect the self.

[@georgesontag2192]

You learn the hard way not to trust anyone with your life savings. You know people can turn on you in one minute.

[@J.dioramas]

And the plan they have before they do you dirty

[@GregMacDougall-m3n]

This is one of your best episodes, thank you. ''The past is gone forever and cannot hurt me''. Said by a Scottish woman.

[@KarenHerndon-n5d]

Finally this makes SO MUCH SENSE ❣️❣️. I lived in complex ptsd growing up. But I'm learning to let it go and Love myself. That anger still comes up sometimes, I working on that

[@sasquatchhula98]

This is me to a T. My mom was a covert narcissist and my dad left when I was just a baby. Now, I am stuck in the "freeze" response. My wife is to the point now, where I fear our relationship is seriously about to end. I don't know if anything I do now can ever fix it.

[@stephb3791]

I had tears in my eyes watching this video. I didn't know, until now, that I have CPTSD. I recently suffered a very traumatic encounter with my abusive parents that dropped every curtain and showed me what was happening. I know that I was I dealing with narcissistic abuse, and have since gone no contact, but I had no idea that my personality was different because of it. Every single one of these points resonated with me. I'm on a slow journey of learning to love myself again after hating myself for 58 years. Thank you for this, I can discuss it with my therapist and develop a plan of action ❤

[@KRH4Hwks]

I am right there with you! You are not alone. We can recover our true selves. It just takes time & patience with ourselves. ❤

[@dulceoliveira3601]

Best of luck to you

[@purringsounds]

This video put so many things in perspective for me, and you put my feelings into words that I cannot express myself 😢 So thank you for that🙏

[@puremaledark8305]

On the laughing bit, i had one of those "oh wow" moments. I was playing a game and a guy told me how clear my microphone was. Seemingly insignificant, but i remember responding "thank you thats the first compliment ive had in years". Years dating this girl and not a single compliment. Eye opening.

[@stadium999]

Omg, I've been using laughing as therapy. It is so powerful. I find myself laughing powerfully from the gut and it makes me feel so grounded. It is a release but it also energizes and recycles through my body.

[@mummybunny331]

Great medicine..

[@davidsisson2026]

That is such a good reaction. Think I need to work on that.

[@Shayne_T]

I love this :)

[@whatareewwaitingfor]

It does make sense. I often tell my son that I wish he could meet the person I was before knowing his dad.

[@sbella6719]

I've thought the same thing. I feel people see me now after the trauma bond and forgot who I was before. I hold onto the memories though and I'm working my way back to me. I wish you the best in doing the same.

[@whatareewwaitingfor]

@@sbella6719 Hi. The journey isn't easy, and there are setbacks but NEVER give up. You will find yourself again because you haven't forgotten you. I wish you the best on your journey. ☺

[@oskarwall2611]

last week I did show my 15yo son my pictures before i meet his mother .... looking at this pictures my self i realized exact what you just said... I even made a comment to my son about it.... funny whoh? Regards from South Poland

[@Motthias]

It's actually bad to talk to your son about their blood like that. You're basically lowering yourself to his level and are doing as much emotional damage to the kid and you probably don't even know it. You sound like my ex, the mom of my children. She lost custody due to being like you, she got judged: had me feel like I was the narcissist for YEAAARS, then I got to court because she was witholding the children for me, she got examined, diagnosed NPD and she lost custody. While she was saying, I would never win in court and she started laughing about me being so mad: while only trying to make co-parenting work for the children. She took them away from me for nearly 2 years, because I believed her lie and made the agreement not to go to court. And she even had to do community service because of it as it was punishable by law because of "abuse of power and emotional abuse and neglect"

[@panama2468]

Not going to lie that sounds very emotionally abusive....

[@talonthorn]

Thank you! I'm so glad you had a therapist who told you that you were in an abusive relationship. My ex and I went to at least five (lost count) therapists. Not one of them identified my ex as narcissistic, nor did any of them address my needs. I think she charmed each one into believing I was the sole cause of the marital problems. (Shouldn't a therapist know better that both sides contribute to the problems?) I finally recognized her narcissistic traits on my own, and worked through much of my past trauma myself! No more flawed self, negative thoughts, rejection sensitivity, high anxiety, and hyper-vigilance. And yet, here I'm still held back by a longing to be nurtured. But with what you are saying, I believe I'm actually holding myself back. It feels like I just need someone to believe in me...but I think maybe I can do that myself. (I'm a fast learner when I see the truth.)

[@dianaoliver5266]

Same thing happened to me. Therapists so clueless they were charmed by the narcissist!

[@Shayne_T]

We all have narcissitic traits, so she is either a narcissist, narcissistic, or is a normal with high narcissitic traits. I highly recommend following HG Tudor's work. Empathic people also have narcissistic traits, they're just kept in check by their empathic traits.

[@effortless-one]

My CN wife IS a therapist. I cannot see anyone as they all know or know-of each other and I don't want to undermine her ability to earn as that also affects me. Ironically she is actually a really good therapist but she is totally blind to the damage she has done to me over the years.

[@talonthorn]

@@Shayne_T Yeah, I don't believe that. That would require a very loose definition of "narcissistic," to where the word no longer holds any useful meaning.

[@Nonofyourbusiness7777]

I have chills ! Spot on! I will visit your website !!

[@mobileradiofitter]

She stole my smile, nearly 3 years of being told I'm too cheerful, I'm fake, whenever she didn't get her own way. I had no idea the damage she was doing until I got away. Being caught in the drama cycle of attention seeking with either breakdowns of sadness or vile anger, I grew strong to that stuff and eventually stood strong looked in her eyes and told her she's too aggressive and so miserable and I can't be around her at all. And left. But I had no idea of the constant digs at my character I'd loose my smile.

[@Shadowman...]

Your still here my friend. Now start lifting weights and get in the best shape of your life

[@KRH4Hwks]

In time, you will find it again... I wish you well on your journey to recover yourself. ❤

[@Rick40years]

I think you just described me exactly. Still in the marriage relationship with kids. Hyper vigilant is a great way to describe it.

[@TC-vq6yz]

Rick, I stayed in the marriage because there are kids. It wasn't physically abusive, I was in the middle of flight, fawn, freeze, and I was so beaten down fight was always forced away, never engaged. The now adult children have all been with wrong people. YOUR CHILDREN are learning what a relationship looks like by watching yours. They won't understand a good relationship for themselves if you don't value yourself enough to be in a good relationship of your own. My failure to get out with my children is noticable in the grandchildren as well. Living with a NP is insidious. Save yourself, your children, and future generations.

[@Shayne_T]

I would do the narc detector with HG Tudor. Get clear answers and know exactly who (and what) you're dealing with. Give lots of details. There are toxic people who are not narcs, unfortunately.. you stay away from those people, too. I hope you find the strength to leave if you are in an abusive and unsafe marriage. You and your children deserve better.

[@WilliamLimmer]

It is not that i dont feel safe in my body! It is that i dont feel safe in that environment!

[@cor3944]

What she is describing a continous traumatization and how to unwire it. How longer you stay, ow longer it takes.

[@KRH4Hwks]

This type of abuse has haunted me since my childhood. I've only been alone for a very short amount of time. Let the healing begin. Bc we are ALL WORTH IT!!!! ❤

[@effortless-one]

I don't think I have enough years left to unwind it

[@xav9156]

Hi Michele, I discovered your channel recently. I am learning a lot from your videos. Narcissistic abuse is such a complex topic. Thanks for sharing your knowledge. Best Regards and happy New Year 2025 Love Xav.

[@SamanthaCrabtree-b3i]

Been through the craziest cptsd from narcisistic abuse. No councellors know anything about it. I need to join your group.

[@levisimon5627]

It causes cancer, tumours, loss of sleep, depression and injuries. I attest to that. Avoid these characters at all cost no matter who they are. Your life is yours only, save it and treat it with care and love.

[@KRH4Hwks]

@@levisimon5627 Very well said!!

[@wulfclaw4921]

Makes perfect sense. As fir the oersonality staying stuck....to me it's like being on high alert. When I first returned from 2 tours in Iraq, I coukd not go out dancing and have fun...It was always bouncer or protective mode !

[@my_freelance_life]

EVERYTHING that you mentioned is exactly what I have lived with for most of my life. Raised by a malignant narcissist, and married a covert Narcissist. Now at 62 I'm just now figuring all this crap out.

[@Valeri4561]

I totally understand B/C My mother is that way with me. So sorry to hear you have this situation Too

[@KRH4Hwks]

Myself included, only at 57...

[@effortless-one]

Married to a CN wife now for 39 years so hear you. It is horrible when it is too good to leave but too bad to stay - a real mindf**k.

[@Matthew89Miller]

ln 2025 l highly recommend everyone to read keezano’s book Your Life Your Game. It beautifully shows how connecting with God and focusing on your family can lead to spiritual growth, stronger relationships, and success in both your personal and professional life. This book truly changed my life… A must-read. God bless!💟

[@RK.daviddavid]

great book

[@effortless-one]

It was as a young and naive christian that I met and married my covert narc wife. I saw the red flags before "the day" and spoke to my pastor who convinced me it was normal wedding nerves. I was in an abusive relationship while teaching in bible college and in church leadership, giving god the glory for my successes and taking 100% responsibility for my failures. I came to realise that as I would never put my sons through what I went through, turning a motivated and good person into ... therefore God is a malevolent entity not a loving guide/father, there are no lessons to learned, we are just energy to be farmed.

[@CovetAmory]

Okay, then read Pagan Practices and The History of Witchcraft and we'll be having an equal understanding of one another. Or, don't, because I don't want to read that.

[@bodymindflower]

Great content as always, thank you! I'd also add the option to see from another side - for some reason (super stress, physical trauma etc) we can be already at the mid-brain level AS ORIGIN of our state, we function in limbic level and autonomous (vegetative) nervous system, not the cortex. Then, with no understanding of the situation and our state properly (if not too obvious the trauma, and we can't realise cortex is being off or there is its partly inhibition): - we see the world from this level (more emotionally, stressed, vigilance etc) - we have option for our perception and action from the stress responses point of view (fight, flight, freeze, fawn, +all the mixed states by the Pete Walker, 11 in total) - we are able to build the connections and relations only from these states, and as we know we will be the magnet for the people who will have bad attitude to us So, I had narcissist parent abuse during the childhood, but still I was partly rebel. In last September from your videos I found out I was acting as fawn all my life, partly being in fight mode (fawn-fight by Pete Walker), it gave me relief at cortex level and understanding that it was not natural me, but survival strategy. Now I dig down to understand my physical state and I understood I had trauma on dura mater of the brain, neck, cranial nerves as vagus and other, jaw and it's going down to the hips, as body was adapting. So the trauma was not so great to threat the life, I even not sure about how I got it, but the result anyway is - in this state I couldn't live properly with cortex on, and mostly on autonomous nervous system, that's actually the nervous system dysfunction. Now, of course I'm working on the topic, but the question "what is the real cause?" is still relevant for me, physical state or survival strategy that was turned on all the time during the childhood? Actually I think, all our world around are interested to keep us on the mid-brain, unconscious level - for us to be more easy to obey - we are always open to outer suggestions - we are buying and consuming more We need great power to switch to cortex and keep finctioning on this level

[@c.mareeharris4615]

Thank You! MLN ...time has escaped me because of the trauma - alllll of the possible resources to help me were disabled by the satute of limitations.

[@lisaharper4312]

I used to be happy before a 6yr narcissistic relationship, 3yrs out and this is exactly me. I want me back, this is horrible and i can't seem to get out of it 😢

[@avivabillington5514]

100% relate!! Been there done that, sadly so many people from childhood especially my so-called parents

[@cobberdogs4799]

Thank you Michele for this insightful video. It should be helpful to a lot of people because narcissistic abuse is on the rise across the world.

[@suzycue9278]

Great share and spot on! Loved the house flipping example - where the house needs an overhaul and updating and you need to rewire whole thing and make and foundational improvements…. Neurofeedback was a literal lifesaver for me and anxiety.

[@chellefranc]

Hi Michele, your channel is so helpful and it helped me tremendously…I signed up for the zoom and I can’t wait…😊

[@FromSurvivingToThriving]

@chellefranc - awesome!! The next live meeting is the first Friday of January!!!! It's actually a free live webinar - we'll be talking about the difference between learning about healing after emotional trauma/narcissistic abuse vs. embodying the healing!!!! I look forward to getting to know you better at the meetings!!

[@franciscosticotti2231]

God bless the internet for being able to hear this, even if it is after decades of abuse... We always knew, but completely isolated, the minimal validation is bliss. I believe there is also a social craving for goats, people delight on ridiculing people, so much socially repressed anger...

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

So very true. Thank you 🙏

[@denniskreps8664]

I really appreciate the description of the mind/body relationship. I understand and recognize these behaviors, but doing the emotional and physical work is harder to do. I also appreciate the metaphor of stuckness. Thank you!

[@davidsmith7587]

very nice therapy today. I did have a 6 month break. the real me was starting to come back

[@reneeoaniayt]

Happy New Year. This is spot on for me as i ruined friendship and relationship with people who cared for me. I sabotaged them and now I don't have any friends. I do have God. Forgiveness is one thing but not forgetting is another thing. The good thing is that I'm seeing a counselor. Thank you.

[@Moretosh]

Heal your own mind and stop putting the issue outside yourself. When we heal we stop attracting the same things.

[@foxiefair123]

Thank you. Now I understand what’s wrong with me. Now I don’t know if I’m going to be able to change back, even though I do feel like that’s happening, but it’s taking a really long time.

[@dragonfly3714]

Nothing is wrong with you....

[@TheBlubunni]

This makes sense. Thank you for sharing.

[@dhd-00]

People will show you who they are if you will pay attention watch their actions and listen to their words. Narcissistic pattern is an incongruency, inconsistency, hypocrisy between words said and actions taken. The narcissistic pattern of behavior comes from malformed neural circuity that create a repetitive pattern of defense mechanisms. It will show itself. Look for hypocrisy, dominance, gossip, inconsistency, lies, words not matching actions or their claimed past. Image based living, grandiose, vague profession but leased range rover, the hero or the victim, the religious zealot but sinful life, housekeepers but little money, rented luxury apartment yet no savings, no real job, asking you for money. How do they respond to criticism or suggestion of improvement? Anger? Screaming? Rage? Do they blame others for their own mistakes? External locus of control. Ego fragility is a clear indicator of the narcissistic pattern. Listen how they talk to other people, especially those of perceived lower status or service people. One on one is it less discernable however in groups the toxicity emerges with snide remarks, dominations, power grabs, put downs, using group for their own agendas. Are they the blabber mouth in the room, demanding attention? Do they have a contrived laugh? Like a car horn, parrot, machine gun, or wailing laugh? This week i was approached by an annoying older gossipy narcy woman in an exercise class "i'm sorry i don't know YOUR name" was her approach in a haughty manner. I didn't respond with my name. She then got my name from the instructor and now yells it every morning when i walk in class. " hi JOHN!!" "Good morning JOHN!". Isn't she so nice? Always talking during class with comments, gossiping about everyone in class. This is a 65 year old woman announcing others medical procedures, vacations, illness to strangers. Data collecting and entitlement are narcissistic traits. Look at how they treat animals. They may treat their own animals overly well but no empathy toward humans. An example you might hear "If a deer and a human were struck by a car I would help the deer". Listen to how they talk about other people in their past. Watch for the explosive rage, anger, crazy looking eyes bugging out of their head. Look at yourself and what you yourself are wanting from the person in question. How did you meet this person? Why are you socializing with them? For sex? For connections? For money? For beauty? How does this person make you feel? You should avoid labeling anyone anything, especially any medical, psychological, or psychiatric diagnosis. You may be correct or you may be incorrect but to normal detached people you will sound silly. It is much better to say this person is toxic or abusive than spouting off someone is a "narcissist". Speak of specific incidents such as "i can't take any more screaming or put downs". Toxic behaviors, maladaptive traits, abusive conduct are simple enough to assess. Study the cluster B disorders and their maladaptive strategies. Listen to someone's words, fair to look at their life history, their own testimony. How do you feel when around this person? Do they seem "off" compared to other people you have met? Something just ain't right but you can't put your finger on it. Negativity flows from them? Dark, paranoia, victimy stories? They just seem to have been dealt a bad hand by their parents, job, school, ex, boss, landlord, neighbor, the democrats, the republicans, best friend, sister, grandma, you, on and on? Drama and more drama? Always in conflict? Haughty, judgy, racist, put downs of others, their own family, children, ex, strangers they don't even know? Are they out of balance with their own body? Anger? Obesity? Drunk? Drugs? Gambling? Sex? Beyond entertainment or life enhancement toxic people are self destructive. Does the person seem needy? Childlike in speech? Improper boundaries? Critical? Disrespectful? Do they give you a creepy stare if you ask any questions about their stories? Lack any discernable accomplishment? Do little everyday but speak of grandiose events of their past? Have an external locus of control? Blame their own life circumstances on others, no life goals, no growth, no change? Do you feel comfortable being yourself around them? Are you refreshed? Feel positive energy when around them? Or do you feel exhausted. Do you feel a need to be polite after hearing the toxic drivel bullshit out of their mouth. Do they ask you for things? You feel like you can't just be yourself without a conflict? You feel like you are the recepticle for toxic opinions or complete bullshit. Do you feel this person is always attempting to dominate you, order you around, act like the leader? These are all narcissistic traits. You can feel these people in your stomach, trust your gut. Be yourself and love yourself. Additionally, That feeling when your cheating narcissist partner betrays you, but you don’t have the courage to leave, so you endure the pain, questioning your self-worth every day. It’s a different kind of hurt living with them, seeing them everywhere, and constantly fearing when they’ll do it again. The best decision I made was reaching out to *[e-mail]* They helped me remotely spy on my partner’s cellphone and uncover the truth, just like they did for me. Don’t suffer in silence get the answers you deserve.

[@hspparadise]

The trick is to heal yourself and stay committed. Education about neuroscience is the most valuable. The narc has no choice but to change as well and they will resist. But u have to preserve and not loose your identity, but develop it. My husband had BPD and I have D.I.D. The more I integrate my consciousness the more mature he becomes because he is forced to see himself more clearly

[@michaelp5518]

I was married to a covert, single 30 years. I still can feel the anxiety she caused. Learned to always look over my shoulder. Now I know how to deal with it. So I get everything you are saying.

[@egukoucu]

Their darkness infects you

[@doubleffect7110]

10:25 One of my biggest pains is that people closest to me basically invalidate my feelings and my trauma. I wasn't actually a relationship with a covert narcissist woman who I fell for, so I'm not allowed to have been attached and I shouldn't be in so much pain for so long. The thing is my relation with her dug out very old traumas from childhood and adolescence. Both the way she pulled me in and manipulated me into coming back to her have triggered a spiral of traumatic flashbacks and discover why I let her pull me in and then waited for her to break up with her boyfriend to be with me. I'm literally re-evaluating my whole life since I was 3 and I'm all alone fighting my demons, while being told by the closest family member that it's my own fault and I'm responsible for my own problems. It's like I suddenly realized I'd been subtly gaslighted my whole life.

[@wulfclaw4921]

Straight-up - Thank you for this help !

[@gailphillips9041]

I so understand...I have not laughed in four years. 😢

[@bradhiebert6403]

My ex-wife was covert narcissist. When she left, it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I've done meditation for years. I'm laughing again, there's peace in my life.

[@stevenjohns-savage7024]

Thanks 👍😊

[@Ophelia100]

I am now so different Angry,.resentful, joyless, unhappy

[@effortless-one]

Still in a marriage with a covert narc after 39 years. Have come to the point of exiting many times but have a terrible loyalty defect (trauma bond). Wanted to confirm what you said about the frontal lobe - my CPTSD got really bad so I went and had a neuro-feedback scan; the scan showed activity on one side of my frontal lobe had COMPLETELY shut down. The guy doing the scan said he had only seen one worse which was from a Vet that had seen some horrific stuff in active combat. I got my wife (on threat of leaving for good) to do the neuro-feedback which has improved our situation a lot but I think the damage had been done as I am just a numb shell of my former highly motivated self - decisions for 2025.

[@quantumnature514]

Great video! ❤

[@victoryamartin9773]

The abusive squatters are relentlessly draining my funds; I'm afraid that if I ever get them out of my house, I won't have anything left to spend on therapy. It has already been over a year since the masks came off and the abuse started, but I have been supporting them for 7 years without interruption. I tried pulling the plugs years ago on their many appliances draining my system, but they called the sheriffs who came and told me I could not withhold electricity from them. Now my house feels like a tomb, since I live mostly in darkness w/o electricity while their appliances continue to buzz in the back yard and their room. I finally got a restraining order to prevent them from screaming at me, but their threats are ongoing, and they will not leave. I call the sheriffs when they start screaming again, but the sheriffs don't take me seriously, showing up the next day. Then they tell me they can't do anything, because the squatters have the right to do whatever they want in their room. But it's not their room; it's my room, and they've locked me out of it. Nevermind that I have to keep paying for them to stay at my house when they are not welcome here; the law provides full protection to them at my expense in CA. It has been so long that I've been enduring this that I can't imagine ever being able to recover without therapy.

[@FunnyShellBear]

Keep waking them up every hour, they will leave after 3 weeks, people can’t survive without sleep. Also consider reporting drugs as they sound like they are on them - a dawn drugs raid could also make them move on. Also if you don’t pay your electric bill it will all get cut off - not your fault they have no power - get a generator for yourself or solar power system just for you. Lastly consider going to the court house and asking to speak to a duty lawyer, or clerk - see whether you can have them for breach of the restraining order or trespass (cctv evidence will help you here). Good luck, and don’t let make you small (that what they want) use reverse psychology to get your home, life and sanity back!

[@astrialindah2773]

Make friends with a gang of bikers.... Have them come over and party with you and they will take care of the problem😂😂😂

[@peteb3475]

It's not worth it. Eliminate them in self defense. Self defense is your largest self given right.

[@edelweissdebergbaldrian7696]

Can you sell your house and move away? Not give a forwarding address? If you stop paying for the bills, they will leave won't they? There has to be something you can do about your situation. You don't have to take their abuse. No one I know gets to live anywhere for free. 🤷‍♀️

[@dianaoliver5266]

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I just learned my aunt is dealing with my criminal cousin ( her nephew) moving onto her property when he gets out of jail. (Texas) The sheriff said she can do nothing but evict him even though he hasn't moved in yet, won't pay rent, and is a convicted thief. Wishing you luck in this and the wisdom and strength to figure out how to get rid of them...soon.

[@georginab6995]

I do relate to this information.

[@JamesAHirons_]

Just a few: Rumination causing insomnia A fear of outdoors Doom-scrolling Raking my nails across my skin Antisocial Hypertension Triggered by places we'd been to Short term memory impaired

[@purvamandlik4696]

That is a very useful analogy of the imprint.

[@marleneburke-barrett6651]

Thanks for that Michele. I truly appreciate the good work you do to help people like myself. I resonate with most of what you said. I have two questions. 1. Does Christianity helps with narcissistic abuse and 2. What if you've always experienced all those symptoms, even as early as in your childhood?

[@Smellslikenarcspirit]

The bible talks about narc,s all the time . ( in the last days there will be only lovers of self ) is one of the lines .

[@Jerome-h4j]

Guys keep your head up as I travel along on my journey we find ourself again , remember you survived your alive you can finally be free & live your best life 24 yr covert surviver it’s a journey back fellas you will make it 😅

[@KingSlayer_KG]

9:57 100% Thankfully I'm don't as much as I used too, but yes, it's still very present in my day to day interactions. The difference now is, I know I'm just being triggered and I can regulate myself. But it's hard.

[@margaritatrevino2168]

I just watched the movie " it ends with us " and it messed me up for days. Truth hurts. I have a similar story like the one I'm listening to now. I dont have joy and im super funny but now im serious 😢. I'm still in my marriage and praying on how to leave.

[@mistiquefire3462]

THIS IS SPOT ON. IM.GOING INSANE FROM THE BRAIN.ON 247.TORTURE IN THE TRAPPED ABUSE STATE

[@KRH4Hwks]

I was there for too many decades myself. I'm thankful that there is more awareness of this abuse and why I am, the way I am. God bless

[@tendertheodule-f1x]

To Shadow man.... that's exactly what it is ( in the Shadow) try 121 in order to treat people like they treat you with mutual respect .. Standed!

[@katekayak]

My covert narcissist even did not much raise his voice too much. He also did not use bullying language. I m still trying to figure out how he „trained „ me . He is really masterful in this. He always gave me the impression that what he does as an artist is making the world a better place … I got so moody , switching moods so fast and had deep sense of shame . I was the one who used out of despair bully language altough I am usually super aware of language. All people got the idea he is really trying hard to get a long with me … it’s all twisted around. Realizing that step by step is really hard . Please comment ab or write me somebody who has similar experience💙

[@Iman-s4o]

I went to get help from a therapist as well due to suffering from NARC abuse. It was at a breaking point in my life and I finally needed to see someone. The therapist was helpful, but unfortunately, we ended up having an affair. But, I felt better.

[@EarlHeldsinger]

😂 Gotta love a therapist that's willing to go the extra mile in healing you! Nothing wrong with being "passionate" at what you do. 👌

[@danitaoliver264]

❤ YESSSSSSSS, Say that Michelle, wooh you are Describing Me. Can I Train n Heal as I Train to become a Certified Life Coach in your, Certification Program? Is it possible to do both? I need my Joy n Enjoyment back in my Life!!!!😂

[@thoughtsonredbudhill]

I get this. My dad as a narcissist and I'm suspicious my mil is as well.

[@bubayaga7207]

Best thing is Survivors can do is completely detach by say… my x narcissist is dead… morn them then detach

[@Kunjesvari]

This explains everything. That mfr living in my head rent free since i kicked him out of my life.

[@paularyan8400]

Ohmygod! Laughing… I was 47 when I divorced my so called husband of thirty years. My face was completely unlined!😳 Ten years later and good times with good friends, I have a few lines now! It feels so good to smile and laugh!!

[@GeorgeWhatTheFuss]

I've been completely destroyed since my late girlfriend's mother, a maternity ward nurse with 40 years experience, only arranged 1 qualitative blood pregnancy test for her daughter after a supermarket pregnancy test came up positive 12 years ago. Her mother gas lit her by arranging no quantitative blood tests; apparently standard procedure is at least 2. She scheduled her ultrasound test for week 9; a week after my girlfriend died from an ectopic pregnancy hemorrhage. The entire time she laughed off my girlfriend's questions if she should have more medical attention. She wore her daughter's clothes to the funeral and seemed to really enjoy consoling all the devastated relatives with a smile on her face. I think she's probably a sociopath. But yeah; my well being changed for the worse.

[@kenpaul-120]

Another way that I like to think about it is that narcissists live in that midbrain fight or flight region that is full of chaos and they want us to live there too so that we are more like them and they can control us easier. I’m probably not saying that very well but hopefully it makes sense to some who have lived it.

[@rebeccastevenson8904]

Yes. The attitude of "I need you to be like me so you'll be dependent on me and provide me an easy source of energy by depleting your authenticity--that gives me power, and power over you." Narcissists are parasites that need your joy and control over you because they don't have it themselves and feel out of control. It's truly a mental illness with noxious effects. 😣 And like a brain surgeon, somehow they plant all that in your head to keep you subdued even when their not around.

[@tracy8836]

I recently heard that one in seven people is a narc. Why so many? 2 parents, 1 spouse and 2 in-laws and one only lacks 2 more count...sibling, close relationship and the odds are that everyone will have some exposure? WHY has this become so common???

[@Bawkr]

Saaaaaame I got goose bumps when you said that. Laughing

[@1ReikiFloW]

truly traumatized people skip the midbrain and go directly in full survival..........that's the real issue of not breaking the pattern.......it's too fast. EFT techniques are free and the most efficient in clearing this and if audiences listened to any video tapping they would already be healing.

[@LanceLouez-sv4kk]

Wanna Know what Zeuse said to Narcissist "You better watch yourself"

[@michaelgarrow3239]

This is horrifying. I feel awful for this. As a carpenter it is often better/easier to tear an old house down and start over. FTW

[@YakobLTW]

it always scares me to watch these sorta videos and not knowing if they actually something I connect with. It is more daunting when I actually do.

[@ryan2clw]

Laughing annoys the narcissist…I do it to mine regularly.

[@mississippiatheistette8769]

Fling. Flinging. Flung. She likes these word. Good video though. ❤

[@slinkyminx2010]

Would love to join group coaching but most sessions are evening and late evening in Uk 😢

[@SeelenTaucher]

I saw no difference between the behaviors of covert narc, hypomania, bpd. Especially anger. Those people had moodswings and their brains seemed hyper alert, uf they had been within closer relationships. Are there scans of all the other brains?

[@dontbeadogsbody3564]

Living day after day using the midbrain damaged your physical health. 😕

[@lovefortruth3414]

Can you become a narcissist after years of being surrounded by narcissists?

[@janicebustamante5193]

Hi, how people recover from it or get help?

[@kpf2014]

So… when do we hear how to finally heal this, not be triggered into freeze response and have a normal life again. Are we ever able to recover and have normal healthy relationships and trust again??

[@FunUrth4All]

Did i miss the tips to help?