Gave Husband Ultimatum, I Want A Kid Within 2 Years Or We're Over

[@yellowishgreendragon.-.]

Story 4. The mother wasn't listening. She caused her daughter to become resentful. She doesn't respect her daughters right to be upset. She is allowed to move on. But she shouldn't try and force her daughter to accept all the changes.

[@andreawalker8343]

I think the original question in story 4 wasn’t addressed in the selected comments. The question was about if she was the AH for yelling and telling the whole truth in therapy. So, yeah, NTA. Therapy is supposed to be a safe place to be open about feelings and be emotional if needed. Regardless of the other circumstances leading up to that moment, she didn’t act inappropriately in therapy.

[@maryelizabethbowman8432]

I was the girl in Story 4. My mom was all about the new husband, and everything in the house that reminded my brother and I of our father disappeared. She couldn't understand why I wasn't being "nice".

[@Scientision]

Yeah, I mean if a mom came home and just announce that a boss/pastor/friend that she really liked had a son, so she was assigning her teenage daughter to be his boyfriend, so she could have a closer relationship with them. Everyone would think she's crazy and call the cops. But its okay to try and force someone into a relationship when its a new dad?

[@Uhuh2u2]

Title story: although I think using kids is a nasty ultimatum, OP did write that they agreed on wanting 3 kids before marriage. So either the husband lied to keep her or changed his mind. I don't think anyone's the a**hole, it's just a sucky situation.

[@emanx222]

The ultimatum is pretty much the sole reason she's TA. She is aware of her husband's issues and he's even working to get through them. If she won't leave him, giving him a time-limit wont help as it is literally torture for all involved. She needs to accept that she's settled for someone she isn't compatible with and move the heck on. She even says herself that so much has happened in a short space of time, moving, getting married, therapy etc. I can see how that would stress the poor guy out. She needs to figure out what is important to her and act on that, not give ultimatums to someone with enough on their plate mentally. That's stupid. That's like trusting a drunk person to drive a truck, someone will die and the person who thought it was OK for a drunk man to be behind the wheel is just as much, if not more at fault for being utterly stupid

[@Uhuh2u2]

Valid

[@Dragonprincess21]

I agree though I think they’re both the butt head. She should not give an ultimatum and he shouldn’t have lied about wanting kids. They need to let go and let each other live the life they want to. Sadly some people are just not meant to be.

[@emanx222]

@@Dragonprincess21 I wouldn't call what he did lying about wanting kids. It is very possible to think you want kids and change your mind. Heck for the longest time I wanted at least 2 kids, 4 max. Now I don't EVER want children. Things change, and the OP literally says that the main reason for his change of mind is his fear because he's already going through a lot and isn't sure he can handle ghe responsibilities. Nothing about that makes him TA.

[@doncheeto1]

People change, and in the way that the husband changed, it wasn't positive. In these kinds of situations adding on kids can just make things worse and bring the kids into a bad environment. She's stiil for sure the asshole imo.

[@lunanight2151]

I have to disagree with story 4. NTA, the mom asked if the op was ok with her getting remarried. You don’t ask a kid that then ignore them. The mom was mad that op wasn’t thrilled with the pregnancy which means she expected op to love her new family. All of this while op was still grieving. Then the mom is pissed becuse op was finally able to express how they felt in therapy. This mom is seemingly trying to force op to accept a new father and erase their biological father

[@marie-louisehansen3908]

Yes

[@bartvansliedregt5482]

Exactly. Commenters punishing a kid for being confused and lashing out in a shitty situation with a selfish as fuck mom. She is not the asshole for getting angry during the therapy (to answer the question in the post). That is what therapy is for isn't it? To get it out there and explore what you are feeling. Fuck that mom tho.

[@mikisterio]

@@bartvansliedregt5482 Completely agree. To me it seems that the mother doesn't quite understand what therapy is for. Therapy is(at least in this case) pretty much about finding the cause of whatever issue there is and trying to find a solution for it whether it is something that can be done during the therapy session or needs to be done outside of it. They went to the therapy with an issue and OP finally told her the cause or at least part the cause of said issue. And now the mom is angry about the cause? F' off. Seems like she just wanted things to be like she wanted without compromises and OP didn't play along.

[@0Jenna7]

It's a very tricky situation to be certain, and we don't really get to know why OP's dad is out of the picture. Or maybe he is dead. If they had a divorce that's very different from recovering from his death. I think a lot of OP's anger and hurt stems from her perceived invisibility. That is to say her mother's lack of understanding of OP's emotions and opinions and is lashing out at this new family that seems to be the cause of this newfound misery in her life. It's the confounded you're supposed to be happy, happy! Not sad.

[@Latchkeyclown]

Mom didn't think of therapy until the damage was done. Sounds like my mother

[@maddiemaccheese8170]

I'm sorry, the girl in Story 4 was NOT the guilty party. She's 16 and her mom has neglected and walked all over her. I know it's not inherently right to be surly around the house, but I don't know what her mother (or the commenter) expects her to act like. Just be pleasant and cordial for the sake of it? When she's not being listened to in any other way, she's obviously going to start acting up. Excuse her for lashing out. So NTA.

[@middaydraws3379]

To to mention how young OP was when it actually all started. OP was 12 when this started.

[@ObjectiveFailed]

It feels like everyone who voted yta/nah completely missed the mark here. Of course the mom is allowed to move on and get married and have more kids and Op doesn't get a say in the marriage or kids obviously but that wasn't the problem here that isn't what caused op to blowup. It was the mom essentially gaslighting op for 4 years! OP said she didn't want her to get married didn't want a new family and instead of talking it out with her or sending her to therapy the Mom ignored what she said got married had more kids and is claiming that op gave her the go ahead, that she did it all for her and is angry that OP isn't ecstatic about it. It's just beyond irritating that people even mark didn't realize this.

[@maddiemaccheese8170]

@@ObjectiveFailed This 100%. And yeah I'm a little surprised Mark didn't pick up on it either, it seems like he's usually more on point with stories like this one. Idk I just feel so sad for that girl, I have a friend in a really similar situation (although at least she's an adult now) and I couldn't imagine making her out to be the bad guy like the yta/esh/nah people have.

[@aikikaname6508]

Agreed! Wife isn’t an a-hole for starting a new family or having more kids, even without OPs go ahead (although she really should not have asked her). She is an a-hole massively for pushing OP to be enraptured by her pregnancy and thrilled by this and to feel how she wants her to feel

[@rachel4249]

Story 2 "You're punishing my wife and her kids for my mistakes!" OP isn't punishing them she's punishing you. You played stupid games you won stupid prizes.

[@Whale-Shark-Katie]

@Osito Kintsugi Jesus Christ you get worked up easily, have a break, have a KitKat, and chill out

[@Whale-Shark-Katie]

@Osito Kintsugi ok, as proof that I am not in fact Tyrant and am in fact me, look at both of our channels, I have extremely cringey Gacha Life videos from this year, Tyrant has 1 video about Super Mario 2 from 8 years ago (nothing wrong with that content btw). Now, if I were actually Tyrant, why would I create a completely different account just to upload Gacha Life videos when my original account hadn’t been active for 8 years? Oh that’s right, Tyrant wouldn’t do that, because it’s a completely illogical and pointless thing to do. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk

[@Whale-Shark-Katie]

@Osito Kintsugi also, just to annoy you a tad more cuz I’m a petty bitch, you used the incorrect version of you’re in the reply to my original comment multiple times

[@Whale-Shark-Katie]

@Tyrant Kragith you are a lot nicer than me

[@Whale-Shark-Katie]

@Tyrant Kragith true, but I personally find it funny

[@lrock48]

They're not almost strangers, they ARE strangers.

[@janicewilcox8590]

First of all the mom should never have asked her kid if she was ok with her getting married and having kids. Period. Because she was going to do it anyways and it's just a mind F when you ask someone if they're going to be ok with something but you have no intention of letting a negative answer sway your decision. You just wanted to hear a positive answer but didn't get it so you carried on with what you intended all along. You let the kid think their opinion mattered to you when it never did. That's why the girl is upset. Not because her mother remarried and had kids.

[@middaydraws3379]

Not to mention how young OP was. It feels like no one has realized that OP was around 12 when they got married and younger when she started dating again. Depending on what happened to her father and how long ago it was then OP needed help that the mother ignored. She most likely feels that her mother is trying to replace not only her father but OP herself. The mother obviously has no regards for OP when it comes to how she feels and only went with therapy to get OP to 'behave". What OP needed was grief therapy after losing her father.

[@janicewilcox8590]

@@middaydraws3379 everything you said

[@renoloverxoxo]

The girl is upset because she felt her mom moved on too quickly which is kind of bullshit since you don't get to control anyone else's grief. OP is wallowing in her grief and hurting both her mom and herself by doing it. Her stepdad and halfsiblings could be an amazing emotional support system but she won't let them in. Blended families need effort from both sides to work, OP is refusing. For no other reason than "YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD!!!!!"

[@janicewilcox8590]

@@renoloverxoxo you also can't force a blend. And by asking her if she was ok with the whole thing the mom set the tone of "there's an option". The adults are allowed to move on but you can't have the expectation that the child will just get over it, fall in line, and embrace a new family when you aren't allowing them to grieve properly.

[@Kristofer382]

@@renoloverxoxo Blended families do need effort, but you don't HAVE to give that effort. OP obviously never wanted that family, and it's an asshole move try to make them accept that family.

[@toniaherbert9448]

On the title story I'm sure I'm gonna get flack for this 🙄 but..........They did talk about this before marrying "three kids" now he's back peddling on his word. If he was not ready he should have let her know first hand not change after he puts a ring on it. He went into this marriage under false pretenses so she should get out of it because she could not make a informed decision based on his lie.

[@julietshaskey5453]

I totally agree. He went into this marriage saying that he wanted a few kids, and if he changed his mind, she can change hers too

[@KyrieChii]

Also agree. The fact that this was discussed _before_ they got married makes a big difference here (as opposed to irresponsibly _not_ discussing it beforehand, or having agreed not to have kids & changing her mind). If he gives in to keep the marriage, it's likely he will come to resent not only his wife but the kid(s). Plus she already admitted she doesn't believe he would be a good father. But if OP decides to stay in the marriage without kids, then _she_ will regret it, & resent her husband. It sounds like the decision here is clear. This marriage appears to be a 'no win' situation.

[@Bleg94]

here is the thing I am concerned about in that story, had heard a few stories with both agreeing to be 100% childfree before marriage and then their SO suddenly changing their opinion on children and starts to want to have children and gets mostly an NTA ruling but it is the same situation, just from the other side oh my bad, did think I saw an YTA ruling ... xD he would be TA foe lying, but not for changing his mind

[@Deviczek]

To be honest maybe he just doesnt want children... with her.

[@crash92la98]

Are we forgetting the man is trying to work his issues out in therapy? If trauma isn't properly dealt with, then it doesn't heal right. He's a little late in the game getting help, but he is getting help. That being said, OP said the husband was unsure if he would be able to take the responsibility of kids right now, and she doesn't see him as being a good father to kids right now either. How did he lie, when right now isn't a good time, and they both recognize this? OP is worried about her eggs drying up before he's in a better headspace to help raise children. It's a crap situation for all parties involved, and an ultimatum won't help. Adopt a couple kids later. It sounds like her biological clock is what's driving her decision. She's under no obligation to stay, but she needs to drop the issue until he's worked through his stuff in therapy, or she needs to go ahead and pack it up and go. We don't expect people to move normally on a broken leg, so why do we expect people to act normally with a broken mind? Hope I made sense. Hope all you waffles, are well! Have a great day!

[@toysruskid5074]

Last story: I've been there. She didn't really care about her child's approval. She just wanted the cannon fire of "I got married because you told me to!"

[@Justaperson354]

The baby one I understand though. As a woman the older you get the harder it is on you to have a baby. She should just leave. It’s not fair for her. He told her at the start he wanted kids too, it’s like a bait and switch. She should just leave rather than stay and ask for a baby

[@RoyalRoses]

Seriously! We have ONE LIFE. If having kids is what you want DONT SETTLE. What we have right now is it. This life is all we have. If she stays with him and they don't have kids, she will grow to have a hatred for him she didn't know was possible. Same the other way, if he doesn't like being a dad nothing but pure resentment will stick. She needs to file those divorce papers asap so she can get back on the market.

[@CalamityM]

@@RoyalRoses Worse still, ten years down the track when he's finally ready - and it's too late for _her_ to have kids - he can just ditch her and remarry a woman ten/twenty years old wife's junior and start a family with new, younger wife. While his ex is left with no marriage and no chance of _ever_ having a family of her own. She needs to ditch the deadweight, he's robbing her of her hopes and dreams of having a family.

[@carolinem.5044]

Indeed, it's either stay with him and never have kids or choose someone else and maybe have kids

[@InfernalPume]

Title Story: NTA! what the heck mark? Why does she have to give up what she wants because he decided to neg on his priorities? he told her he wanted a family. she agreed to marry him because of this. She's allowed to leave whenever he fails her as a husband, abandonment issues or no. A spouse is always allowed to walk away if the SO isnt what they want or need.

[@authormomma9542]

Before Dad proposed to my mom he sat all five of us kids down and asked us. My brother, an absolute legend, said: You know we come with her, right? We died laughing. Blessing given, and that's how "Mark" became "Dad" 20 years later, he's got 5 kids, 9 grandkids, and a few more grey hairs than he might have if he hadn't asked us permission!

[@n3rdv10l3nc3]

I'm really happy for your blended family. They sound like good people all around.

[@josephtucker7181]

I find the mom is way more TA for trying to push the new family on a 16 year old who wants nothing to do with them.

[@carolcarol9982]

Wow. She got "The stupid idea to have children with someone who doesn't want them" with her husband, who, before they got married told her he wanted 3 kids. After the marriage, somehow that turned into "I'm not ready yet". I don't think she should give him an ultimatum and I don't think she should have kids with him. I think she should leave. She's 33, she's starting to run out of time.

[@omnipossum92]

Yeah that’s pretty mean. Since he’s got abandonment issues, she might feel like a massive arsehole to suddenly leave now he’s changed his mind (or maybe he never truly wanted kids), so it feels like she can’t win.

[@Gloria-ro4vn]

OP wants children hubby doesn't. If it's a deal breaker then it's best to go their separate ways.

[@cestalia]

@vergorance I understand if both parties didn't talk about it, but they TALKED about it since the beginning of marriage. If he told in front that he didn't want child, it saved her from being stuck.

[@Estarile]

@vergorance How is she trying to force him? She said "Kids or I walk" because that is the fact. She wants kdis. She doesn't want to be in a relationship where she won't have kids. It doesn't sound like she sprung this on him. She went into this relationship with the intention to have kids. If they're goals don't aling its better that they seperate.

[@bubblegum_flavor551]

@vergorance No. She was asking if she should

[@thatwitchychick2717]

I'm always very suspicious of anyone who would allow their children to be babysat by someone they've never met before.. so, so sketchy.

[@rambofan334]

Parents who put their kids in day care: Maybe I'm a monster.

[@ruddiko]

story 3, ultimatums are the end of relationships HOWEVER if the expectation of having a kid was presented as op said, they agreed to have kids and now he's backing down he's an asshole for making her enter the marriage in false pretenses because HE knows her age, but this can also be part of perception, I have a feeling there's not much communication in that marriage, they just go trough the milestones without thinking too much and now they run into a problem since he needs heavy therapy work to overcome this, having kids under that kind of relationship will doom a kid to feel as unloved as he feels

[@aikikaname6508]

Yeah and I’m sorry, but I understand being unsure of kids in your 20s and even early 30s, but when you’re 42 and basically aged out all the women in your peer group, you should really have a clue whether you want kids and whether you’re capable of raising them. He really mucked her about and she needs to leave

[@PelegdolevWackyycool]

Last story nta. The mom is sad that op doesn’t like the kids she’s mad. 2 very different things. The mom doesn’t give a shit bout op she just wants to feel gud knowing everyone is happy when they aren’t. Op doesn’t have a say on wether or not the mom moves on but she does have a say on how she feels about it. The mom is completely disregarding ops feelings and is mad at op for having em. That makes the mom a huge ah

[@TheZombifiedFairy]

Story 4: NTA. Mom trampled all over your boundaries and continues to do so and then acts surprised that you reject the people you TOLD her you didn't want in her life. She needs to act like the adult in this situation and give you your space.

[@Gloria-ro4vn]

Dad's new wife and her kids is absolutely no relationship to OP; he's punishing no one. Dad is a user and jerk.

[@RoyalRoses]

Absolutely no way is she TA. He blatantly lied about wanting kids and now she feels completely trapped in this marriage. We have ONE LIFE. If having kids is what you want DONT SETTLE. What we have right now is it. This life is all we have. If she stays with him and they don't have kids, she will grow to have a hatred for him she didn't know was possible. Same the other way, if he doesn't like being a dad nothing but pure resentment will stick. She needs to file those divorce papers asap so she can get back on the market. The ultimatum isn't worth asking because neither of the above scenarios is good nor worth risking. She just needs to bounce.

[@fionna_cool_girl]

Title story: I get where OP is coming from and her biological clock is running out, and with the age difference between them being 8 years, I understand that she wants them soon. People change when they get older, some want kids, some may change their minds, so if kids is a deal breaker, it's probably best to go your separate ways even if it'll hurt him, which I sympathize with and it's not fair to make him be the one to make the hard choice and be seen as the bad guy for not wanting kids in the end. If kids are such a deal breaker, just leave the marriage to save you both some pain

[@cestalia]

Ikr. Separate is the best thing when they want different stuff and can't compromise

[@fionna_cool_girl]

@@cestalia yeah, it's not like disagreeing with what to get for dinner. This is children, living human beings that can be affected by the disagreement of wanting kids. It's best for them to just separate and find people who have the same end life goals as them

[@nisreen1982]

Ya but he already wasted several years of her life! She could have met someone else who shared her views about a family. She should have left him long time ago too.

[@KatrinLittleDevil]

The last story -- NTA. Mom is allowed to move on and be sad that OP doesn't want this new family. But. She crossed the line into TA territory when she repeatedly asked OPs opinion and ignored it without discussion and now, when she is being called out on it, she is upset that she's being yelled at. She keeps steamrolling OPs opinion even in therapy, and that's fucked up. Why should OP be mindful about other people's feelings when theirs got pretty much ignored?

[@KyrieChii]

Agreed. All 'asking her opinion' ever resulted in was said opinion being completely disregarded (which creates it's own sort of resentment). I don't think the Mother should ever have done that if she wasn't prepared to deal with the answer. They should have gone into therapy long before this, before the new siblings arrived, to try to work through some of this.

[@maddiemaccheese8170]

I'll also add that as a 16 year old girl whose opinion has been ignored since she was 12, of course she's going to act out, it seems like the only way her mom notices her distaste is when she expresses it in her actions. Ugh, poor girl.

[@onlyu7308]

Did she say how long it had been since she'd lost her father? I'm just wondering how long after she lost her dad did her mother remarry. That could play a part in why she reacted the way she did.

[@mkuti-childress3625]

Even though the mom obviously hired the therapist to get the kid to do what she wants, it’s actually a good thing that the therapist is there to see how the mom treats her kid. I think the kid is going to be happy that they are going in the long run. At least she’ll know that one adult is listening to her.

[@carolcarol9982]

"An army of kids". The way that guy seemed to be thinking (or not), I'm kind of surprised he didn't offer his sister-in-law as a free babysitter to a few neighbors as well.

[@KE-hr4sb]

Story 2: NTA. Simply tell your "dad" that you're just picking up the slack HE left on your mom, and step-mom doesn't need it as that's what you are there for. Story 3: NTA. Normally I dislike ultimatums, but 1) You seem like you'd be OK if he "called your bluff" and left (which isn't usual in an ultimatum situation). 2) he proclaimed to want kids when you first got together and now that you're married has flipped the script on you. 3) He's freaking 41, and you're 33. He may not have as much of a biological clock as you do (women getting pregnant in their late 30's can be dangerous to both your and the baby's health), but a kid needs eighteen years to mature and go out on their own. Even if you got pregnant NOW, he would be pushing 60 by the time they graduated high school, and that's if you don't have fertility issues, miscarriages, or more than one child. You are literally on a time limit, and he's not getting any younger, either. My ex-husband did this to me: said he wanted kids when we got together, then pushed it back and back and back, saying he wasn't ready. Then blamed his dad for marrying his mom young and being "unable to handle the pressure of a family" and walking out, but making it work later in life and saying he was bound to the same fate (a late family). But women have a much shorter fertility shelf life than men do and expecting them to wait forever for you is selfish, and not always feasible if you really want a child.

[@axel665]

Except if she had a kid he would be a terrible father he is not ready to have child op should have left him or talk about it

[@KE-hr4sb]

@@axel665 Except, she seems OK with him leaving. I think she's half expecting to raise the child on her own anyway. I think she was looking at him more as a sperm donor for the time being, if you will, rather than potentially spending years building up another solid relationship. Then if/when he's ready later, she magically would already have a baby. Not saying I agree 100%, that was just my read on it.

[@axel665]

@@KE-hr4sb I think he would not become sperm donor maybe she will get divorce I think it's best for both of them

[@KE-hr4sb]

@@axel665 I definitely agree a divorce is probably for the best. And sounds like something she was willing to do anyway if he didn't agree to kids. I think it was more her way of saying, "If you want to stay together, kids are my terms, otherwise, kids are enough of a priority for me to go elsewhere." Then it was up to him to decide if he felt he would be ready for kids in her timeframe or not, if he thought the marriage and her was worth trying for kids. I once heard a saying, "If you're waiting until you're ready to have kids, you never will be." I get what that means in that, no matter how well-prepared you think you are mentally or financially, kids don't come with a manual and they are all sorts of unexpected surprises, some expensive ones lol.

[@LinneAzalea]

I totally agree with you. Like this ultimatum is sometimes needed. I was the one saying no in the same ultimatum 7 years ago (he wanted kids soon, I didn’t), so we broke up, but these days I might ask the same ultimatum to my current bf, because if he doesn’t want to have kids, we need to break up and I need to find someone else, because I’m 32. However, what makes me hesitant in this story is how she is expressing that she doesn’t think he will be a good father for other reasons.. Like that’s a red flag. But maybe her way of thinking is that is he says yes to having kids, then he will have to change too? It’s a bit unclear. However, I want to point out that the risk of having children in your late 30s as a woman is very, very small. That’s an outdated idea tbh. It’s a slightly higher risk, but we’re talking about 1-2%, so it’s not significant. In my country the average age of women in the capital is 36, with their firstborn. Just saying 😉

[@pennyclark4844]

This is hard to write but my father died when I was 9 years old and my brother moved out to join the army the following year. My mother did her best to raise me but I was always compared to my older siblings and made to feel stupid for not getting into the army due to medical reasons. I'm 45 now and I've been diagnosed with c-ptsd because of what happened when I was a child. I don't do anything new coz I can hear her voice telling me that I'm to stupid and I will obviously fail because I'm not part of the golden 5. She's died in 2006 and I looked after her for 18mnts with no help from any of them and was then the final stab in the back was the will. The golden 5 got everything basically. I went no contact with 3 of them and vl contact with 2 if them. I feel so much better not having them in my life but it still hurts all these years later. If you want to delete this I understand but it was nice to be able to vent to people who don't know me. If you read this,thank you and I hope you have a great day.x

[@smapa1185]

This won't be deleted. Your story is important. What an asshole your mother was and I'm sorry you still feel so strongly after so many years. Have you tried therapy?

[@bartvansliedregt5482]

That is just a really crappy situation you were unfortunate to be thrown into. As a person you deserve love, kindness and respect as much as anyone (maybe even more). Anyone who tells you otherwise shouldn't be listened to. That's easy to say of course but I mean it as a message of self love for you. It's good that you commented your story. It might help others deal with a similar situation and in any case it is just good to not bottle it up. Maybe you have already taken the therapy step, in which case I applaud you. If not I, like the comment above me, would advise you to do so. It really can help you manage the hurt from the past. Anyway. Know that this internet stranger loves you for who you are. I hope you can say the same about yourself. You deserve it, to be able to do that. Novel over.

[@laurenmentink7401]

I hope that you read this and hear this = you are valuable and intelligent. Your mom was the stupid one for not taking your health as to why you didn't join the army. She may not have valued you, but I DO value you! We are sisters if only in the fact that one of our parents didn't care about us. Peace, love, and hugs. I did therapy for years. It helped a lot. I hope that you can get therapy as well. You deserve it!

[@SparDanger]

Sending love and e-hugs!

[@15oClock]

1. Sounds weird. You don't often hear about situations like this, probably because people don't get up to this sorta thing. 2. "Am I the bad guy for leaving my daughter and force her to raise my step-kids?" Yes, and no good person does that. 3. You can't make someone ready to have kids, no matter what you think. This relationship was a bad idea if OP's on a time frame for kids. 4. This is an absolute mess. I think the therapy should've come way before the mom thought about rejoining the dating scene or we could've avoided this, but it doesn't sound like she cared enough.

[@teresadurham8828]

💯

[@angelnavarro1010]

Speaking nothing but facts

[@renoloverxoxo]

Who says their mom didn't do grief counseling for OP...? OP's mom is allowed to move on from her husband. She's allowed to date again. She's allowed to be happy.

[@beckyhartley9502]

With number 3 a reason for the time frame could be due to the fact the older women get then the harder it is for them to conceive, carry the baby and for it to develop properly and healthly. Women don't have the same luxury as men, if he drags his heels over it and makes her wait for years then that mean she will never have a child UNLESS she finds someone else. I agree you shouldn't pressure anyone into that kind of situation but I understand it to a degree.

[@ABEL-cd2sp]

@@renoloverxoxo oh absolutely. She just shouldn’t have fucking asked. My father has a saying “You can ask people for their opinion but you don’t have to follow it” which regularly is a pretty useful advice except in situations like these where a more proper saying is “Don’t ask for someone’s opinion if you only want to hear what you fucking want”. OP’s mom majorly fucked it all up by asking her this shit, she should’ve just moved on and not fucking ask for the opinion then act as if OP agreed with her, of course OP would be pissed, wouldn’t you be pissed if someone asked for your opinion, pissed all over it and acted like you said what they wanted to hear? Mom is absolutely allowed to move on but she shouldn’t expect OP to be all over the damn twins when she fucked it all up to begin with, what OP’s mom should’ve done is take her to therapy as she was dating this man so things would stay respectful in the home then leave OP to take the fucking therapy and everyone can mind their business. Seriously I can’t follow the train of thought that the mother had throughout everything like did she expect that she could ignore OP’s opinion after fucken asking then expect OP to be happy when she did the exact opposite? I think the mother should be satisfied with a cordial and respectful home and just let OP mind her own business and keep going to therapy on her own if the mom can’t accept OP’s emotions. If the mom is the problem in therapy then she should either grow some ovaries and own shit up just like OP must do too or remove herself from the therapy and just try and make things cordial.

[@averagetomfoolery]

I would never marry someone who’s just up n left their previous wife and their children. i’d never trust someone whos done that with my feelings and my kids.

[@yourneighborhooddeadpool488]

I saw the notification and I couldn’t resist another waffle. I still have some syrup from earlier 🧇

[@Tammohawk1]

I have fresh churned butter to go with that syrup.

[@SpookiePossum]

I have fresh cut fruit to go on top

[@HealthyObbsession]

🧇🧇🧇 extra waffles

[@LadyJoolree]

I have some cinnamon sugar that'll go nicely with that. Chef's Kiss waffle! 😘

[@christyclarissemercier6359]

You may have waffles but WHERE'S THE LAMB SAAAUUUUUCE?

[@rhaeasoul8531]

More parents need to realize that the older the kid the less they're ever going see their step family as family. Keep the peace and shit but they will never be close to a replacement. My stepdad gets Father's Day stuff and we have a good relationship but I will never see him as dad; only his actual name. My dad has been dead since I was 10 and luckily my mom and stepdad are totally fine with how it is now.

[@chewiejew3788]

Story 3: ESH, bordering on NTA. Did no one read what OP said? They wanted children (three according to what she said). OP should've not rush a relationship. Also OP's SO should've realized sooner that he was uncertain about children. It's fine that he doesn't want children, but he is ultimately making the decision for both him and OP. They need to divorce because I only seeing this ending in resentment.

[@chewiejew3788]

@@UsulPrincess I can't tell you what do with your life, but y'all need to try and work that out before you get married. There are some important questions you need to ask yourself and/or your SO. How does he behave around children? Does he genuinely want to have kids in the future? Can you get a time frame of when he wants kids? When is the latest you want to have children?

[@fionamasters1822]

@@UsulPrincess ok it sounds like you and hubby to be really need to sit down and have a long talk about why he's afraid of having a child. And you need to talk about your feelings about this; how you are worried about not being able have children if you wait to long.

[@dianasmith8248]

@@UsulPrincess tell him you just want one. If he refuses then you are going to have to end the relationship and go to a sperm bank to become a mother of you have too.

[@scousemouse9566]

Story 4, NTA, that poor girl is being forced to be with her mums new family while she was still grieving, her mum is TA to keep trying to force a happy family down her neck. Great video Waffle Daddy, thank you🧇🧇🧇🧇🧇

[@Pump-King]

07:05 "Innocent party in all of this". The father was gone a year because he was "done being a father" and within a year meets a woman with kids and just married her? BS. She's the mistress that isn't known as such jet.

[@chits28]

3- Since there's so many red flags why not dump him? 'Confused' can never go with a good parent. The child deserves better.

[@geniseguy5771]

OP doesn't owe the father or his new family a thing but his a**!

[@justinjones-smith5168]

Story 3: YTA. Why do you feel it's okay to try to force your husband to want kids? Especially if you know he'd be a bad father.

[@lrock48]

I have a feeling she had a mental crisis, all her friends are probably having kids in the past couple of years and she is panicking and is hoping she won't miss her biological clock.

[@jennysmith38]

@Keys andFood he also wanted 3 children too, he said so before they got married

[@teacheschem]

She needs to come to the realization that he lied to her to get her to marry him. There is no way he didn’t know that he was hesitant about having kids- they haven’t been together that long- he was relatively old and must have known. She should just leave him- not force him.

[@babycakez8070]

But is she really? She basically said if you don’t want kids, I’m leaving because I do. If someone on the fence, who know how long it take. Pregnancy tend to get more difficult as you age. It’s a conversation that needs to be had. How long is it going to take for him to want kids? when they married he agree to wanting 3, now it seeming like none. How long is she willing to wait? Does she even have the time available to wait for him? I don’t think the conversation is wrong, I think her delivery is.

[@renoloverxoxo]

@@lrock48 they agreed to kids before the marriage. It's not her having a mental crisis: it's her expecting the person she married to hold up his end of the agreement. She should just leave. He's gone back on his promise to kids, that's enough to justify her going.

[@ericastarcrossing1536]

No you wouldn’t be TA only because if he says no you can move on and find someone with the same views as you and your not getting any younger!

[@joreyn7656]

I get OP wanting to set a timeline for pregnancy given her age. Once a woman hits 35, your chances of getting pregnant start to drop and a pregnancy is considered "geriatric". That being said, it's not a decision to make into an ultimatum. It doesn't sound like he's on a place to be able to be a father, and won't he for a while, so that's super unfair to him.

[@jennysmith38]

I'm wondering why he said he wanted 3 children too, which they discussed before they got married

[@SGT676]

@@jennysmith38 I have two theories 1. He only said that because he knew that's what she wanted. 2. Maybe he actually did want to have them. But as time went on maybe suddenly his mind changed because of events were aren't aware of.

[@jennysmith38]

@@SGT676 I didn't think about your second answer, but either could be correct.

[@jordanmanon8959]

For the last story, I agree with the commenter, but I think OP was justified in sharing those feelings. Especially in therapy, putting those honest thoughts out there is an important part of that healing process. That one is probably a NAH for me, simply because anything their saying in therapy is just honest and raw. It can be sad for both of them, but hopefully the therapist will help them work through it.

[@sciencenerd218]

Before I even hear the story title suggests MASSIVE MASSIVE YTA Edit: Yea, still an asshole for trying to force something on him he is still very unsure of

[@TsukiKageTora]

I don’t get story 2 OP’s father’s logic. He abandons his kids to raise kids that aren’t his and then when OP helps their mother and their siblings, OP’s father calls him an asshole. What about him? He didn’t help his own flesh and blood children he created but sure as heck wants OP to walk in his shoes and abandon his family like he did for a complete stranger (or at least have OP give half of what they do for their family to his new family OP isn’t a part of) and if OP doesn’t, _they_ are the asshole What the heck is this logic!?

[@TheZombifiedFairy]

Story 3: NAH, he has his mental health to make priority, but she can't be expected to put her life on hold. She needs to divorce and find another relationship.

[@PrinceThomasART]

Your voice is so calming when I’ve had a stressful day. Just your videos in the background as I draw or make blankets is an instant perk up from a bad mood! Thank you for doing what you do, and you deserve as much love as you give out! Hope you have a good day/evening!

[@rebekanickell8451]

I mean, here is the thing. He didn't communicate his doubts, she shouldn't give an ultimatum. But she also isn't responsible for his abandonment issues. She should leave him to find someone better ESH.

[@rebekanickell8451]

*PEOPLE ITS OKAY IF THIER RECOVERY TIME LINE ISN'T FAST ENOUGH* But what you do is LEAVE. Ultimatums just a waste of time for both of you. He shouldn't have lied or hidden his doubts and she shouldn't have to stick with it.

[@krossrenterainment1319]

How did he not communicate his doubts? the conversation came up again and he told her how he was feeling

[@rebekanickell8451]

@@krossrenterainment1319 before. Communication before marriage is important. Are you telling me he had 0 doubts before the marriage but now can't even handle the idea???

[@tbyrdinhand3346]

Last story. The comment about being said the girl being the TA is somewhat wrong. Something similar happened in my family when my brother died. My SIL was left pregnant and with my niece. For several years she did everything with her kids. Then she started dating her husband. Got married. And completely forgot about her kids. Her daughter was devastated that her mom would drop her like this. At 17 she moved in with her aunt and my SIL couldn’t understand why she did. Both my SIL and the mom in this story did something similar. They figuratively dropped their kids affections for another and thought that this would be great. We have a dad. We’ll be a big happy family now. No therapy at all before marriage for all of them which should have happened. I know the writer meant well but in this case the mom was the TA in this because she thought of herself first and just thought her daughter would get used to it. They’ll now have years of regret. BTW this has nothings to do with selfishness as some will believe. But it’s assuming your expectations are going to be great and not dealing with the underlying emotional issues that have been there

[@RecklessFire29]

Story 3: NTA. What people don't get is that people have desires in a relationship. If people want different things out of a relationship, it's best it end. She wants kids and the family life. He doesn't. If she don't want him to make the decision based on an ultimatum, don't. He already made his decision, he doesn't want them, and he's also failed her in several other ways. Heck, he's probably drawing out of the relationship due to all the fighting. She should Get herself a more stable guy who wants the same thing as her. It's not her job to save him or drag her life down for him.

[@vonb4050]

Story 3 is more of a tough one than it first appears. Noone seems to be taking into account her age which will affect her fertility. It increases the risks of birth defects and her risk of complications. She would still be the asshole if she went through with her ultimatum but she does need to have a frank and honest conversation with her husband about this.

[@melknox8079]

Loving my daily waffles! A few in the morning, a few in the evening.... Working with children (and their parents), your friendly voice and commiserating cackle helps me keep an even keel 😁 Thanks! Be well, dear boy! 🐱💕

[@SuperFanGirl-gp1vo]

As someone who was in therapy starting at 16, it was the best thing I ever did. I am 19 now and can recognize when and how my mental state changes, I have the skills and tools to keep myself safe. Yes, it sucks being sick, but sometimes that is what you get dealt. I do really missed out on some "teenager things" but I would had to have confronted my mental health, either way, so by doing it earlier I at least get to enjoy myself now!

[@lonelybutterfly95]

That first story just reminded me when I babysat. I was known as the designated babysitter of the family one point, which I didn't mind. The largest amount was 20 kids in my home. So 3 nieces, 3 nephews and 14 second cousins. It was hectic because of varying ages but they survived. But as long as no one fought and broke anything, they can do what they like. Also the reason for this massive classroom worth of kids was because a family friend that were close to my older siblings and first cousins' passed away.

[@19nmiller1]

Hiya Mark! Right now I'm busy cleaning the house, but your content actually makes it enjoyable lol 17:36 This is the only thing I don't agree with in that comment. Why should OP have to play happy family with these people? They told their mom that they were not ready for a new family, so the mom can't turn around and be all surprised Pikachu when they don't love the new family. I agree that the child can't force the mom to not have a new life, but the mom can't force their kid to like it either. My verdict is NTA because that mom sounds like she doesn't listen at all and just wants to live in her happy fantasy.

[@laurenmentink7401]

Story 4 = The last person who commented has some good points. I think OP is NTA only for this point, the mom refuses to listen to OP at all. The mom refuses to accept that right now this is how her child thinks. The mom does not LISTEN! The mom does have every right to continue her life with new husband and children, so why does she even bother to ASK for OP's opinion if she won't LISTEN to the answers that OP gives her? Mom is TA for that point alone.

[@casperhetspook9034]

I've been listening to this while petting neighbour hood cats, a beautiful long haired ginger & a sweet short haired smoky grey

[@tamsinmoore2111]

Don't know how you'll take it, but I leave your stories sometimes for cleaning/changing the kitty litter tray. An indoor only cat, changing the tray gets old REAL fast! But necessary because she's my Sweet Fannie Adams. (Called her that for the rude interpretation, discovered the true story behind it. Blech! Stand aside as everyone rushes to Google!) So, yep you get me through some tough times physically but I also have issues with anxiety and depression with a degree of agoraphobia. I allow your voice into my sanctuary as I can trust your voice. (Your voice, yeah? The sofa pulls out to a comfy double bed, but I don't take in backpackers. It could be an Ivan Milaff double bluff...) You waffle, I blither, Much love guy Txxx

[@sharkgirl3609]

For the title story, well, when you go into a marriage, there are things that you agree to. In this case OP's husband agreed to have children and is now suddenly backing off. If the story was reversed and the OP said that she both parties agreed not to have children before she was married and was now being pressured, everyone would have a different reaction. OP's husband assured her that there would be children, and now he's backing out. OP, you are NTA.

[@boredalot5676]

The thing is, even if, you go into the marriage with preconceptions on whether your future with your partner, the partner is still free to change their mind. They're not wrong for it. It would be just as wrong if, the roles in the situation between the husband and wife were reversed and *he* presented that ultimatum.

[@katiemadden9413]

woke up from my 15+hour depressive-hibernation episode for this. Figured it may help bring me outta my melancholic coma. Thanks Mark ❤️

[@hannahelzer4314]

Loved the video! My house finished quarantining today and I finished my last class of the semester. Only one more semester until I'm done with my Masters program! Thanks for giving us videos to relax to each night

[@cheskydivision]

Therapy is the perfect place to vent and get your anger out. Mom doesn't want to hear what you have to say she just wants the therapist to be on her side to convince you she is right. It up set me when the mom said she got married for OP's sake. No mom got married because she wanted to. There probably should have been therapy for the whole family before mom even got married. OP does need to realize mom did not die when dad did and has the right to heal and move on. OP needs to at least try to make the home life as peaceful as possible. Don't start conflicts, just leave when you're old enough.

[@Wenchework]

As someone who can not get kids it realy makes me mad how pepol treats haveing kids and kids like accessory

[@novabrilliant4510]

Love that second waffle 😍 Thanks Mark. You are great company while I finish cleaning the kitchen. Have a wonderful evening.

[@IlkaWaffy]

since you like hearing about it I am currently working on a huge painting that I plan to give my brother for christmas while listening to you!

[@kamikazeejap]

Me and my wife use our ps3 to watch your videos as we meander about the house in the evenings. The stories help keep us grounded, and we'll take solace with our own lives, and that no matter how tough it gets for us, there are so many others whose lives, good or bad, have that touch of ugly, and we could have much more stress, that we don't have. Personally, I like to sit in my truck on my lunch break, like I am now, and listen to your story telling as I eat.

[@thenumber1hero]

I’m crocheting a baby Yoda. It’s like knitting but with only a single hook. ☺️

[@beliciapinkrah3919]

Taking a really heavy bag filled with stuff while listening Also story 4 NTA I always say if I have no choice don't ask unless you want my opinion

[@milliemaehendrie597]

Story 1 gives me entitled parents vibes. Probably my favourite of today's stories because I always loved the entitled parents stuff.

[@tetrazelda5793]

I like to put on your videos to help me sleep! Your voice is pretty soothing and the stories help to distract me from any anxious thoughts I have when falling asleep. It often gets me to a point where i can sleep easily without much trouble

[@heathermiller5765]

Wow, 19 seconds in... 😊 Edit: Omg, I've also referred to my son's father as a sperm donor. I didn't realize how many people do the same

[@Mschell403]

I always listen to you when I drive to/from work, shower, and eat

[@jennywhite2462]

That first one. That right there my friends is what you call audacity. I would shut that down too. Give some people an inch and they will take a 100 miles.

[@melissareid640]

NTA. Wtf? Is wrong with him! Never help them again..

[@escapec1077]

My ex and I had an oopsie baby after 5 years of marriage. I knew almost right away there would not be another. Now 37 years later they have almost no relationship. He hardly acknowledges he has a child to this day.

[@ruffr4bb1t]

Honestly I just love watching you when I’m cleaning, or sometimes just my daily tasks.

[@novascape6115]

Was talking with mom about pizza and didn't listen to a word said lol. Happily rewatching!!

[@SparDanger]

I hope that therapist in story 4 chewed that mother out for neglecting her 16 year old later on.

[@smokingsoilder]

I hate fish! But just finished cooking dinner for my wife. Rockfish fillet and shrimp on southwestern riced cauliflower. But any way on to the initial waffle and my reactions. 1. NTA, brother in law is a dick. OP was helping out and deserves compensation. 2. NTA, I haven't seen or spoken to my father in years ( child abuser/ predator ) I learned to forgive him but have no need for him. 3. YWBTA ( MASSIVELY )!!!! Ultimatums do not belong as a lynchpin in any relationship! OP needs therapy and so does her husband! Children should never be used for anything especially staying married. 4. ESH... ......... OP in therapy good start. Mom shouldn't have asked an opinion. Stepdad doesn't need in the therapy session

[@paulinegallagher302]

Hey Mark. You are helping me threw my second lunch at work. 800 to 2200 shift today. Hurray to understaffing during the holidays in the holidays. But hey overtime.

[@mtimm9023]

Second story the step mom should take care of her own damn kids. They are hers no one else's.

[@ssjwes]

NEVER force your SO to have kids... If they don't want them and you do then LEAVE! Forcing the other person to have a kid is NOT a good idea.

[@jackiewepps4694]

There is no better place than here to spend an afternoon.

[@legtemal7304]

Great to listen to while I work. Thanks!

[@ThefallenAngel71]

South African here! I love your videos I never miss a single one keep it up love ❤️❤️❤️

[@LauraHorrorshow]

I enjoy waffles while I’m working! :p I work at a dog daycare/boarding facility and I always listen to these stories while I’m working with my doggos! I think the pups find your voice soothing! LoL

[@MarySmith-wu6qx]

Hello! I love your videos! I'm currently listening while painting my bedroom :)

[@ghostdragon5735]

The wife in the second one isn’t really innocent. She knew her husband wasn’t raising his original kids which is why he got so little custody. She didn’t know that she’s a freaking idiot

[@volfawott7417]

It's possible he never brought it up to her until he tried to reconnect

[@AuntieCreed]

Story 1 - NTA. He tried to drop off kids OP didn't even know! I agree with Mark here, who the hell does that? Story 2 - NTA. No, OP is grown and can make the adult decision to not help. OP sounds like a great person helping Mom and sibs at home. Story 3 - YTA. If OP wants kids that bad, she just needs to divorce and find someone younger and more mentally stable. OP is 33, she does need to get on it if she doesn't want to risk more pregnancy problems. If OP thinks he's ill suited to be a Dad, then she's def the a-hole for that Ultimatum. Story 4 - ESH. Ouch. That's all I have to say, ouch.

[@claws2129]

Title story: I mean I get where OP is coming from. My girlfriend wants kids a bit sooner than I think is ideal but she actually wants our kids to be able to meet their grandparents. And considering her dad and my mom doing fuck all to take care of themselves as they get older, the longer we wait less likely that becomes. So I can understand why she would be impatient about having kids but if her husband can't handle that then there's not going to be a way around it. Ultimately, something's gotta give and in all likelihood it'll be the marriage.

[@rebekanickell8451]

In all honesty, i hope the marriage gives so they can both find someone who wants similar things. She should leave him now so she has time before her clock runs out.

[@claws2129]

@@rebekanickell8451 Honestly you can love someone with all your heart, but if you can agree on the big things then it's just not going to work out. Now I'm not saying you have to agree on everything, you can have different opinions and so long as you can sit down and actually discuss and respect one another's opinion that's fine. But if you can't agree on the direction of where your lives are going then it can't work. That's why I'm always upfront in the beginning, here's what I think/ here's what I want out of life/ here's the brutally honest description of myself and my life and if anything about me is a deal breaker then don't bother. And I'm lucky, I found an amazing woman who has similar opinions and passions, who lifts me up and helps me be my best self, someone who makes me feel like every bad thing in my life has been worth it because it all lead me to her.

[@rebekanickell8451]

@@claws2129 haha we agree then. However this woman apparently explicitly stated that she wanted kids. He said he agreed. He can change his mind of course! But cannot expect her to stay with him afterwards, sorry, kids is not something you can really "compromise on." This shouldnt be an ultimatum situation, it should be a leave him situation. It's also perfectly okay if someone's recovery period is too slow for you as long as you don't push them to recover faster (aka ultimatum). I hope I'm as lucky as you :)

[@allenwalkeranime7968]

I love listening to you when I do homework. Your voice distracts me, but it's worth it

[@THEFIRST39]

Mark Narrations. I totally agree with you wholeheartedly. Feel bad for the wife and kids, but at the same time OP was in the right for not helping.

[@melissaharris3890]

For the title story My friend recently got divorced for similar reasons. husband basically wanted kids yesterday, she wanted to wait another year or two. He also stopped doing chores round the house, this dishes and vacuuming. i cant wait for him to have kids. He says that there will be a quite/ down day once a week, and that the kids will understand that. He has only seen 3 year olds when they are behaved. Reasonimg with a toddler has never worked.

[@abigailhornibrook2470]

Dude I listen to you everyday while I am delivering my towns mail.

[@yohishi1221]

Last story: you can't force her about her life and vice verca Your not ready to move on to accept new peoples. Even her can't except that you be able to be happy when she want everyone to smiles right away

[@365ral]

How does the OP in Story 3 know if they'll even have kids by that timeline? What if she has fertility issues? What if she miscarries?

[@lightningbug3189]

She is probably worried about never being able to have any (let alone 3) if they don't start trying on that timeline. Sure, either of them could have fertility issues but right now they don't actually know. In all likelihood they would be pregnant within two years given their ages and assuming both are healthy.

[@Prettypoisonswitch]

I'm working on customizing a kitsune doll (Japanese fox spirit) for my daughter.

[@middaydraws3379]

I'm going to have to disagree with the first comment for the last story. I say NTA because the mom outright asked her if she was okay with remarrying and then ignored the kid's opinion instead of actually talking about it. It sounds like the mom just went "Unless it's a yes I don't care". It becomes more obvious as the therapy goes on when the mom keeps interrupting the kid or out right ignoring her when she's trying to actually open up. OP is 16. Not an adult and she was 12 when they remarried. She lost her father at a young age and was obviously still very hurt by it. your child is a minor and still living with you then their opinion matters more than you expect. If you disregard their feelings on the matter and expect them to play happy family before they're ready then that makes you the asshole. OP wasn't expecting her mother to stay in her grief she was expecting her mother to respect her opinion. The second that OP showed that she was still grieving for her father the mom should have taken her to therapy to help her process that grief. Not to mention that the half-siblings are 12+ years younger than OP. OP most likely feels that her mother is out right trying to replace her old family including OP especially with the mother ignoring what OP has to say. A lot of people seemed to have ignored the ages or not realize how young OP was when the actual issues started. OP is NTA but the mother sure is for ignoring her daughter in favor of starting a new family.

[@milo4707]

If someone drops off more than one kid on my doorstep without informing me, I'm calling the damn cops, I ain't agreed to babysit more than one brat

[@scruffblackie]

One thing I get from all of these reddit things is that being a therapist in the US must be like having a licence to print money.

[@cyanes]

Never ask your kids if ok for you to get remarried or have kids and don’t expect them to lover there new family just except them the to be civil

[@brianschuerch7059]

The 16 yo is in the right. Her mom made her go to therapy and got exactly what she wanted, how she feels. Never ask a question if you don't want an answer. Now it's be nice to know why her dad is no longer available so we have more context (did mom cheat so dad left) it would definitely explain a lot

[@dianasmith8248]

I think the dad died.