Give James Acaster A Real Cup Of Tea | COLD LASAGNE HATE MYSELF 1999 | Universal Comedy

"You dirty top of the tea you, so dirty"
WINNER OF THE MOST OUTSTANDING SHOW AT MELBOURNE INTERNATIONAL COMEDY FESTIVAL 2019
“There’s a rush you get when you watch a routine that has been burnished to gem-like perfection, every phrase and pause chiselled and grooved to maximise the surprise; I felt drunk on it after two hours of this set. Joke after joke operates on a plane to which standup seldom ascends.”
-The Guardian, A COMEDY GENIUS AT THE PEAK OF HIS POWERS
“James Acaster already has a reputation as a comedy craftsman, but here he has surpassed even his own superlative standards…the way Acaster constructs his story, the way he develops themes and teases out humorous strands, is true genius.”
-Evening Standard, COMIC GENIUS DELVES DEEP INTO HIS PSYCHE
“A revelation…career-defining two hour show.”
-The I Paper, SUBLIME
Filmed 17.01.2019 EartH in Hackney, London.
BUY THE FULL SHOW ON VIMEO HERE - bit.ly/3eD9QFA
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#JamesAcaster #StandUp #Comedy

[@Psl989]

Every James Acaster stand-up feels like a filibuster.

[@TeaReesa26]

This is the description I’ve been looking for for years.

[@seanp8220]

That's because it is.

[@stuartr2764]

And when he does get to the punchline, as often as not you realise the filibustering was the best bit

[@alexia3552]

that is the funniest description i've ever heard

[@louisgarden3936]

You should watch some Stewart lee then

[@liladelrisco9181]

the heap moment was just him seeing how many times he could say heap before everyone got up and left

[@CharlieCoops]

God this is terrible.

[@Starlight-rb3sp]

@@CharlieCoops I LOVE IT

[@CharlieCoops]

@@fionnmaccuill415 A likeable television personality. Nothing more....

[@sabby_stewart]

@@fionnmaccuill415 You ever heard of the concept of different people having different tastes? I’m sure there is something you’d find funny that I wouldn’t but I wouldn’t be ignorant enough to call it bad…just not what I find funny. Get over yourself.

[@sabby_stewart]

@@fionnmaccuill415 First off, by your own words I should be entitled to my opinion of you so you really have nothing to be mad at. But opinion is different than fact. “I don’t find this funny at all” is an opinion and is completely fair to say. “So, so bad” on the other hand is trying to express your opinion as fact, which to me is an ignorant thing to do when talking about something as subjective as comedy. And at the end of the day, if you find his comedy so bad, what are you doing on a clearly labeled video of him doing stand up…

[@caitlinb.9596]

I cannot express the pure relief I felt at “so long Chrizzos!”

[@stealth1803]

he is 38 years old. immaturity is not the same as being young

[@nicholasdunn999]

I'm from the US. I don't get the reference :(

[@esobelisk3110]

@@nicholasdunn999 it’s a reference to the opening of the show (the special is called cold lasagna hate myself 1999, if you want to look it up. the opening bit is up on this channel somewhere, but i don’t remember the title).

[@jasperking7324]

mans was getting freaky with a cup of tea

[@zenobia997]

a pretend cup of tea at that

[@rekuzaaan]

Not even the whole cup. Just the top of the tea.

[@thomasyates3078]

It's the English way.

[@ericjourdain892]

Acaster is in a league of his own, the experimental comedy. He's brilliant at it.

[@user-jt1jv8vl9r]

He's OK. There are plenty funnier.

[@robhardingpoetry]

@@user-jt1jv8vl9r it’s almost like it’s subjective

[@robertfrazer8161]

I like the idea of "experimental comedy", surely that's every piece of comedy ever written?

[@ericjourdain892]

@@robertfrazer8161 Nope, most of what you think about is observational comedy. Not the same thing.

[@robertfrazer8161]

@@ericjourdain892 Every piece of comedy is an experiment, will they laugh or won't they?

[@martamolina3957]

someone: you can’t make comedy without offending anyone james acaster: hold my tea

[@jhtar]

As a baptist, I fully agree with that assessment

[@Jack-er1sc]

other than the bigots and the transphobes xD

[@victorvale1015]

You forgot about the chrizzos

[@nobbyclarke9166]

He offended the Bappos 😳😂

[@dannypatrick9361]

He offends me.

[@ingenuezeynep]

I know he is already a very successful comedian, but I don’t think he gets enough credit for how good he is. There is not a single moment that is not perfectly designed and delivered in that special. I watched it 3 times, and how I wish I was in the audience and saw it live. I’m really hoping that he will return to JFL.

[@natekraner3721]

His first special in 4 parts was so thoughtful and hilarious while maintaining the integrity of the emotion of each part in turn. And I was floored. He’s not a comedian who relies on personal experiences to weave the jokes together - he’s so much more of an intentional artist who never loses sight of the whole, so to speak. And his attention to detail in the smallest of moments as you so rightly point out shows his mastery of the craft. Thank you for your comment it made me realize why I like him so much

[@joeladams7896]

I saw it live and cried with laughter from start to finish 😂😂👏🏻👏🏻. Where can I find the special to buy/download?

[@anush11011]

Where can I watch the special?

[@natekraner3721]

@@anush11011 it was on Netflix!

[@natekraner3721]

@@joeladams7896 Netflix had it last I saw

[@jamestarrou3685]

I love how he's so committed to this dialogue between himself and what he thinks the audience should be thinking lol.

[@matthewbooker1972]

The most important thing all 16 years olds should know is if you parents are giving you a choice if you go on the family holiday is that they are hoping you say no. Fact.

[@BD-yl5mh]

Man I would have killed to have had that choice at 16 😂 I still got roped into a holiday I didn’t want to go on when I was twenty because my sister was still a minor and couldn’t stay in a room by herself

[@violetskies14]

I'm 21 and my only choice is if want to pay towards it or be forced to sleep in a room with a million other people. I usually pay for my own room and then get guilted into letting someone else sleep in the room with me anyway so everyone else is less cramped.

[@doom3798]

nah my parents love me

[@jasmina.8473]

@@BD-yl5mh that doesnt make any sense, because there is an easy solution: at the reception, mom says: "Room A is for me and my underage daughter. Room B is for my husband". The 3 go upstairs, and then sleeps where they want (underage sister sleeps in the room alone, if she wants), no one cares, no one checks it. End of problem.

[@BD-yl5mh]

@@jasmina.8473 we’re not talking about rational people or a healthy family, but thanks. Plus there was like a deposit paid like a year in advance, and then my circumstances changed and I didn’t want to go anymore (I never wanted to, but I reluctantly said “well I dunno what else I’ll be doing”). So yeah, I’m sure I suggested something like that at the time. But we’re talking about a dysfunctional family and hours spent yelling at each other over this bullshit

[@MakhalanyaneMotaung]

I'm Australian, and I have unironically heard the phrase "bloody bappos" used referring to Baptists more than once🤣

[@mariemiel]

Same here in New Zealand :D and Chrizzos is very common here!

[@MakhalanyaneMotaung]

@@mariemiel oh nice 👍🏾 haven't heard that one

[@kickedinthecalfbyacow7549]

Bash the bapo

[@BreakfastKat]

you gotta heap those teaspoons, bébé

[@tulgeyforest]

when he just kept going at that tea bit I'm not sure if it made it worse or better 😂 funny asf though

[@jackseaton7486]

If it nudged a few bappos out the door it was worth saying

[@hfhfhhf1]

I had no idea where he was going with tea bit but the 'So long chrizzos' fucking killed me, absolutely amazing

[@JoTheAnomaly]

As a former Baptist, I support the term “Bappos”

[@trickyricky2903]

Can you be a "former" Baptist? Surely, once you go Bap, you never go back...😜

[@WormSlayer3000]

😂😂😂😂

[@bruhandthemoments7445]

I rate the lasercorn profile picture :)

[@everyrose0772]

this honestly might be the best comedy special i've ever seen, it really deserves to be picked up by netflix imo - got knows why they didn't get it straight after his other netflix specials. maybe james didn't want to? in any case, it deserves to be offered it!

[@mwilson5449]

Netflix sleeps on a lot of UK comics. Hell, Katherine Ryan didn't even get a special until she came back to the US and Canada for a tour. Makes me wonder if there's some licensing issue and some UK company is holding rights.

[@everyrose0772]

@Kirsty Forshaw surely netflix could licence this recording of it , and not actually have produced it

[@TheJubess]

@Kirsty Forshaw I did discover him through it though. So it was not in total vain

[@kodschiec5614]

I just really need to know where that "got knows" came from. Was it autocorrected? Do you not know that god is a part of this saying? Or is it just spelling?

[@everyrose0772]

@@kodschiec5614 lmaoo you can rest assured with reality to know it was just a typo/autocorrect :p

[@HollieHewitt369]

I saw this live, and it was the first time I had the option to stay at home instead of go on holiday, and my family left for their holiday earlier the same day. Never felt so attacked!

[@JimBiddle.]

That feeling was probably just a sugar rush from all the hot chocolate drinks you shot gunned before coming out.

[@MrMisanthrope84]

I like how he heard the woman laughing at 'heap' and just milked it by saying 'heap' over and over.

[@asifyoucare]

Ok. The tea bit went in an unexpected direction...

[@crazydragy4233]

Oh god the tea bit, I was not mentally ready for that

[@SubjectDelta20]

J. Acaster's Netflix collection "Repertoire" is like a master class in stand up comedy. He might be the best I've ever seen, personally.

[@jacobl6714]

now I got all these banana's

[@motherlove8366]

Yes, I've seen a lot of great stand up but Repertoire truly is in a league of its own, Cold Lasagna was really good but it doesn't even come close.

[@seanp8220]

Then your opinion means as much as dogshit to a cat.

[@scottshim390]

Repertoire was wayy better than this special, I actually thought this was a really weak set.

[@JoostJGJ]

@@jacobl6714 I don't want to manger no dead banana

[@isobelchater6536]

james acaster never fails to make me laugh

[@cheapy2006]

My God, why????

[@heathcotepursuit8]

I suspect that for the majority it's closer to always.

[@elledavis7714]

Listening to this with headphones, I felt v uncomfortable with james talking right in my ear

[@thewingedporpoise]

ASMR Acaster is questionable

[@TheSuperTroller]

@@thewingedporpoise ASMRcaster?

[@anny_draws3023]

Imagine listening to this without headphones and in public

[@janetDT1904]

"I was sick...I drank too much hot chocolate" Hahaha James. You're out of control 😂

[@Links313]

I'll never look at a tea the same again

[@mooxim]

I'm going to think about this bit every time I look at a tea bubble, piece of limescale or tea with a lid on now, for the rest of my life. Thank you James.

[@liamacig]

After the great succes of the “Not Everyone’s As Dried Apricots As They Think They Are” T-shirt, comes the new merch: “You gotta Heap.”

[@JessicaKennedy367]

I have that t-shirt. I love that t-shirt. Would gladly rock a heap shirt too.

[@smithiebird07]

The lights are color coordinated with his jacket O_O

[@rosiemorton7144]

And the mic

[@hannahk787]

bisexual lighting 🥰

[@aitanasola1705]

he always coordinates his outfits to his background he did it in his last special :)

[@rea_keebz]

@@hannahk787 i think it's actually the trans flag in this one. there's no purple that i can see, and he talks about trans people during this special

[@hannahk787]

@@rea_keebz ah yeah that would make sense :D

[@jessadelix7415]

And now I’m picturing being in a sadomasochistic relationship with James Acaster 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@samquest5573]

join the club

[@bi_cycle]

Aren't we all

[@TheJubess]

Why are you making life so hard for yourself, Jessa? Why?!

[@seraphale]

I meeeean...

[@dardhadard837]

@@TheJubess I don't know, Jubess. I don't know

[@firenze5317]

It just seams so spontaneous... like it's not rehearsed.. so funny too

[@ellleigh1216]

I still never see that tea bit escalating the way it does haha

[@scottgarber8046]

I genuinely hope that every special he does has a part dedicated to tea

[@MrUmandMrEr]

The sale of takeaway tea with plastic lids should be a capital offence.

[@caganozturk1]

It's the equivalent to eating after 8's after 8pm because you're a maverick that lives life on the edge.

[@DEAN0795]

It’s funny to hear him slaying the Christians without context 🤣 I can’t wait to go and watch James live in person, top of my list

[@gordonlawrence1448]

And like most when he does "engage" with Christianity he engages with what the ignorant think the Bible says not what it actually says, and then uses logically invalid arguments to disprove something that was not said in the first place.

[@distantcoff7391]

@@gordonlawrence1448 awe😭 poor little pathetic child, believing in an imaginary magic skyman. Let me guess,,, your fictional magic skyman loves ewe and everything and everyone ewe love and hates everyone and everything ewe h8. "He's" good like that and "he" also command's you to change your belief every time it is understood to be abhorrent, you know like slavery, oppressing the masses, interfering with government, children, women, ( obviously all religions continue all of the aforementioned atrocities, hope I can find something you religitards don't support. Taxes,,, no they don't contribute. Intelligent input LMFAO, no they can't contribute, not 3 brain cells between 6billion+ of the vermin. Witch magic skyman tell ewe what to "think"?

[@cherry8709]

@@gordonlawrence1448 He was raised in church, so anything he knows about Christianity he would've learned there, and he credits his church upbringing with a lot of his formative comedy experiences (little skits etc)

[@criztu]

None of them are Christians! None! They are satanists, all of them. All. of. them!

[@Beastly_Chariot]

I think Acaster might be the funniest human alive atm (subjectively, just in my little universe 😅). Dude just straight up slays me, love it 😍

[@salekhossain1582]

It’s a small universe, try to expand from the small and narrow universe, there are better at the craft then him. But I understand comedy is subjective.

[@binilgn5941]

@@salekhossain1582You don’t really seem to understand that at all judging by your comment

[@mooodlemip4779]

My greatest ambition, my utmost aim, my highest aspiration is to be the top part of James Acaster’s tea

[@jamesroyle6888]

I laughed so hard my feet fell off. Thanks for this, life changing stuff.

[@tomdom_0143]

If you’ve lost your feet, that is quite lifechanging.

[@levimcglinchey5843]

1999 was also the best year of my life. I was given a PC and Sky TV, introducing me to sooo much musssiiicc The vibe from 2000 coming, and still living off the World Cup 98 vibe, such a mint time

[@michaeledmunds7266]

I will never look at tea the same way again, so thanks for that.

[@TheBushcraftBum]

The problem with the top of the tea is as soon as you tilt the cup it backs away to the other side of the cup all the way to the bottom 🤬🏃☕

[@samlong8220]

Such a tease that top of the tea is

[@HermanoLobopamplona]

That was better than James' stuff

[@TeaReesa26]

It’s playing hard to get.

[@lizastarpeter4295]

Cold Lasagna Hate Myself 1999 is the best $5ish you can spend. Do it.

[@NecroFromDark]

5$? I payed 11.60€ for it. OK i got "make a new tomorrow" also, but still. Where did you get it for 5?

[@lizastarpeter4295]

@@NecroFromDark Vimeo

[@ChrisBetton]

This guy is on another level. Absolutely superb.

[@nickbooth9685]

Around the 4 minute mark this really takes a wild ride

[@caro1ns]

So.... ten heaped teaspoons of hot chocolate is the British version of Risky Business?

[@aratinatophat1072]

I don’t want my cuppa now

[@creaturegallery1395]

4:02 Ed Gamble laughing.

[@Jeremyramone]

Solid set , very talented. Thanks very much for sharing. Cheers from San Diego

[@SayHelloToOblivion]

Omg, I was dying over the heaps! This guy is awesome.

[@tomcrookes4630]

I went to see this show and he claimed to have forgot where he was and went off and chatted waffle for a while and went like 20 mins over. I just want to know if that's actually meant to be part of the show or not

[@deferencetodusk]

Didn't happen when I saw it live. Congrats you got a special viewin

[@bournemouthisshit]

If it'll nudge Baptist's out I'll say it! Lolololol

[@johnnorris2027]

Bloody Bappos

[@cantankeruz]

I am... conflicted. I feel like I saw something that maybe I shouldn't have seen

[@weswheel4834]

Was really tempted to pause this while I went and got a hot chocolate with 10 heaped tea spoons in.

[@jbest8180]

"If it'll nudge a few baptists out the door I'll say it."

[@aliceg5327]

Well this took a turn....

[@r3gret2079]

I want whatever this dude is smokin. He has a ton of fun, you can just tell.

[@aishwariyasweety2433]

What. just. happened.

[@ADtvVlogs]

For anyone who has seen the full standup you real ones know why “so long Chriso’s” is so funny. Was pissing myself when I saw it live

[@VincentTornude]

YOU. GOTTA. HEAP.

[@allyson5380]

I had never heard this before. I listened to this while walking through a very crowded mall. Might have been a mistake😳😆

[@rachelcookie321]

This video made me motivated to check my own hot chocolate on my shelf and ours just says “1 heaped tablespoon”.

[@joebarnett1222]

Soooo long bapoooos 😂😂😂

[@denisefriday7318]

Love him🧡

[@JordiVanderwaal]

Imagine being that cup of tea.

[@AnotherAnonymousMan]

I was like "who's this EDGY comedian?" then I was like "woah! that edgy comedian is James Acaster."

[@fairy5668]

can't believe he didn't take the opportunity to say "I should never attempt baking" when he was talking about regretting heaping teaspoons

[@1Dreamking]

The best!!!

[@batkirby7144]

that top of the tea bit felt illegal to watch actually

[@cyborgspacecowboy3177]

Schmoyoho, please songify this bit about the heaping teaspoons!!

[@AnonymousCaveman]

Love this man

[@DanG626]

1:34 you gotta heap… yew. gotta. *HEAP.*

[@nobbyclarke9166]

A aster has got to have the most original content. Well done

[@MrCornbread79]

Brutal comedy

[@hayaku14]

I love his jacket I must have it omg

[@affanyfan]

dude same

[@th.nd.r]

There’s something so wonderfully Brian Regan about his delivery after 1:00 EDIT: never mind, there’s a lot of Brian Regan THROUGHOUT this clip and I love it

[@mirjam8724]

I'll stick to coffee.

[@lunatrics]

Maannn one off the few lol comics. Masterfull

[@cookiiecupcaake]

that top of the tea part was difficult to watch with my family im ngl

[@WSK207]

So Long Crizzos

[@l.j.turner185]

Me and my mom love watching James Acaster, family friendly fun 😉😉 ~~much love, a practicing Christian 😘🙏

[@kindnessfirst9670]

Practice makes perfect.

[@dananabread6632]

james!

[@waywardgoddess7219]

As a coffee drinker I can't stand clear mugs either lol

[@yukiannie666]

after this pandemic ... i want that holiday from my family too! 😁😁😁😁😁😁

[@tiamta]

where is this venue? its gorgeous

[@arianaajbeaverhausen8175]

Bloody Bapos 😂😂😂❤

[@haunter4708]

Same as when you peel the label off a lucozade bottle

[@janetDT1904]

You. Gotta. HEAP. Hahaha

[@farmertomas]

Superb full set!

[@katttgg]

wasnt expecting it to go like tht

[@skinkscat]

THE BEST BIT IS ON KZbin BABEYYYYYYYYYYY

[@murphgirl8093]

Me, an American, hears “top of the tea” bit. “ohhhh so THAT’S why brits love tea so much” 🧐

[@hannahex7621]

I gotta say, this is humor.

[@seanp8220]

Yeah it really changed the world. Even freaks could laugh

[@seanp8220]

They didn't - but the option was there

[@DavidOakesMusic]

I am literally watching this with a Glass of tea. Not even kidding.

[@HJB30]

I.... I'm a little teapot, James. please

[@SehajSingh94]

He really heaped those heaps

[@toasterenthusiast8023]

This is way better with the context of the previous bit about getting christians to leave

[@michaelbooth2890]

The first time his folks went on holiday without him and his best story is getting ill from drinking hot chocolate?

[@natkingcol909]

Yup, lame, yet funny....

[@rue6695]

But the HEAPS!?!

[@AG-gr4yx]

Yes. You seem to understand the joke.

[@nicholascornwall6853]

Got Stewart Lee written all over it l absolutely love it

[@alexia3552]

He really didn't hold back lmfao

[@pedrocorrea6870]

"I defy you to tell me whats wrong with this" - Acaster (Probably).

[@spencerdungan5382]

Heap em high!

[@l.j.turner185]

Is this ever gonna be available to watch outside Vimeo?

[@LeafShade]

Yarr.

[@boyzrulethawld1]

Yarp