Grandparents Want Contact With Our Son 16 YEARS LATER After Going No Contact - AITA Reddit Stories

[@squeakybb]

That first story 1 comment really got me mad. Like knowing why OP was homeless would somehow make this all his fault and justify the family treating him and his wife so poorly.

[@carolroberts4614]

I was mad with that one too! So judgey!And whatever the reasons for his homelessness, he should be admired for the way he turned things around(with the help of Mrs Op)

[@pansprayers]

For real. I was homeless for almost four years after escaping from a combination of parental abandonment and a religiously abusive situation (that I've been told fits the definition of a c*Lt by more than one expert). Not something that I care to expand on to many people I deal with in my day-to-day life unless you have proven that I can trust you. It doesn't matter WHY I was homeless, but people are judgemental a**holes.

[@RosesCookiesAndMilk]

The commenters don’t realise how easy it is to become homeless.

[@carolroberts4614]

No, they don't! When I was renting rooms, a couple of times I ended up on a sister's or daughter's sofa for a few weeks. But not everyone has got family to help them.

[@BruinPhD2009]

Thank you for saying this. I had the impression the commenter was accusing OP of straight up lying about his circumstances and that pissed me off. Some people don't understand just how easy it is for people to fall through the cracks in our society. OP's story is more common than most will ever know. I'm just glad he found someone that could see his humanity and respond accordingly.

[@alexlibby5087]

The comments on story one made me realize how many people don’t know the horrors and struggles of the “unwanted children” that become adults. I could think of so many reasons OP would’ve been in that situation - all the stories where CPS is involved, where they wind up in foster care or not saved from abusive homes. Those in the LBTQ community completely disowned etc etc. All of those kids grow up and for some reason once everyone is 18 society pretends we’re all starting on an even playing field. When many, many newly legal adults have nothing, have none of their legal documents, no address, co-signers, job experience, or references to establish credibility when trying to get jobs or apply for schools. That’s assuming they aren’t desperately trying to find food and a roof over their head.

[@TheNormExperience]

Right?

[@pansprayers]

Even in foster care, the reality is that at 17 they are allowed to age you out. Pretty common, and a huge reason why the homeless population is so young.

[@sherryflanigan7680]

I agree! I thought it was rude that people were even asking him what happened, like it was entirely his fault that her parents didn't like him, that if you ended up homeless, then something is wrong with you. Shame on them!

[@elaexplorer]

@@sherryflanigan7680 I know that was weird to me. It's like they had the exact same attitude as the parents (grandparents) but still wanted to be able to call out them out?

[@silverfox1492]

The questioning about why op needed help filling out job applications is so ignorant, you have to put an address on applications... to verify residency, email, phone number, etc this would've been even harder in the days before cellphones

[@OfficialREVENGEMusic]

Story 1: call me a cynic, but I think the grandparents were wanting to try and poison the son against them. Why else would they suddenly want contact with a grandson they haven't had contact with for all his life up until now?

[@BW022]

Not necessarily. Lots of reasons estranged grandparents suddenly want relationships with their grandchildren -- they are getting old and realized they have no family, their friends are talking about their grandkids (graduations, marrying, etc.), they suddenly feel the need to be 'absolved' of their actions by 'fixing' some of the family, the want someone to visit them in the old folks home, they want to leave an inheritance to someone, they want to feel vindication in that they disowned their son but still have a relationship with their grandson (cake and eat it thing), etc. Lots of people try to fix issues later in life. The chances you can poison a 16-year-old with a healthy relationship with his parents against his parents after you opposed their marriage (and the kid's very existence) is pretty low. Nor is it likely even with some type of reconciliation with the grandson, that they'd have enough contact/time with him to even hope of doing that successfully. The son's reaction was probably typical.

[@BaeBunni]

I get the feeling they think "20 or so years is enough time to just forget it happened" type deal. I don't think they want to poison the well because they didn't seem to try and leverage any benefit to knowing them though it could have been left out. Honestly I've known people that are real asses and they act like their comments and actions should have been forgiven because it was decades ago so it was meaningless.

[@magiciandice]

I'm so irritated with how many people in the Reddit comments are fixated on WHY OP of Story One became homeless and what his life was like before that. Way to highlight exactly the issue with how people perceive those with housing precarity.

[@pansprayers]

Thank you. I was homeless, and by no fault of my own for a while. I can think of about half a dozen reasons why it could've happened off the top of my head that don't involve anything nefarious on the OP's part.

[@damien678]

they'd end up being the grandparents 🙄 bloody sickening

[@carolroberts4614]

Even before the pandemonium, it was said that the majority of people could be 2 paychecks away from homelessness. I don't know why these redditers homed in on the reason so much!

[@LizLuvsCupcakes]

Seriously. And even if it was "his fault," who are we to judge anyway? Even if he had a heroine problem and lost his house because he spent the mortgage money on dope (I don’t know drugs) it wouldn’t matter because the result would be the same. He’d deserve the same chance at happiness all people deserve in life.

[@Kimberly_Sparkles]

@@carolroberts4614 Most are probably still young enough to live at home or be in college and supported by someone else. When you have the resources to be online and have never worried about food or shelter, it's easy to not understand how homelessness happens.

[@oywiththewaywardtardis]

As someone WITH Asperger’s, the stalker’s mom pisses me off. It’s hard enough for us to find our way in the world without people like her just feeding into the narrative that we are “broken” and “can’t help it”. If he’s functional enough to be in college and attending classes, he’s functional enough to understand basic social norms like NOT FREAKING STALKING PEOPLE.

[@Kenpachi546]

Yeah I grew up with very judgemental adults who never understood my condition and a school system that also punished my learning disability. I've never used either my aspergers or my learning disability as an excuse to be an asshole, but the minority can ruin it for everyone.

[@murielross9288]

My big question is have you EVER heard of anyone using Asperger's as an excuse? I worked in classes with a lot of kids, almost adults, never happened, and constant reminders never that either and quite a few of them were main streamed into regular classes.

[@JDM-is-my-name]

@@murielross9288 I have autism and I have only ever heard autism/Asperger as an excuse for either very small children, "I'm sorry he hit you, he has autism and he doesn't understand that it hurts when he hits you" and then removing the child/taking the child to another room or area Or adults who are mentally younger, "I'm sorry if she scared you, she has autism, she didn't know that you felt uncomfortable" Or, in rare cases, if someone has a violent outburst, "I'm sorry, I don't know how to deal with my anger, I am working on it" and stuff like this. None of these quotes are 100% because we don't speak English as the national first language. I can understand someone using it as an excuse in these situations, because it's not meant to be a an actual excuse, but simply an explanation. Every time I just take it as an excuse/apology since I understand since I also have/had a hard time with the same things

[@katarinatibai8396]

Moust likely a narcissist and not a asperger.

[@katarinatibai8396]

@@murielross9288 Yes - narcissists do that - they pretend to have any kind of disabelity - maby aspergers or may something else to geth the free of jail csrd. They also fly into a rage and craying - big show - when you don't buy it.

[@AntisocialclubSJ]

Story 3 is wild. Imagine blaming OP for your son stalking her. Like, him getting expelled is pretty drastic so the school must have thought he was a genuine danger to OP. This poor girl is so nice that she thinks she’s a jerk for NOT WANTING TO BE STALKED.

[@lily-zg6io]

I'm autistic, would have been diagnosed with Asperger if that was how it was diagnosed today. There's a difference between not understanding social cues and social contracts, and literally stalking someone. OP reported behaviour that made her feel unsafe because women get killed in situations like this, and more often than not, authorities don't do anything about it. If the guy risks being expelled, it's because HIS actions were judged severe enough that the school might not be able to allow him on campus as he is a danger to other students. If mommy was too busy coddling him and acting like she does in the story, it's very possible he genuinely thinks this is not a bad way to act and he might have done this in the past, as stalkers rarely have a single victim in their lifetime. The guy needs therapy but that's not OP's job to suggest it, find it and "fix it", her only job is keeping herself safe

[@AntisocialclubSJ]

@@lily-zg6io You’re totally right. The additional info that he’s not actually on the spectrum is worse. He basically tried to conflate having aspergers with being a creep. That’s such a harmful and hateful thing to do.

[@keplersdream901]

@@AntisocialclubSJ Agreed, but a lot of affluent people pay for erroneous diagnoses of autism and/or ADHD so that they can excuse the fact that their kids are spoiled brats and psychopaths. I know the stalker wasn't diagnosed, but I have seen shill doctors give fake diagnoses to allow mommie and duddhie to get the kid out of the house and into boarding school/college, only to have their pweshus rape and/or stalk girls at school. Unfortunately, it is a problem at many colleges.

[@mbyerly9680]

Sadly, that's pretty standard behavior in situations like this.

[@JennRighter]

The girl is not “so nice”. She’s a fool. The “on my god I’m so sweet and so dumb I need to ask the internet about this obvious situation because I’m so sweet and dumb tee hee. 😊

[@eliability]

Story 3: NTA if he’s functional enough to be on his own he knows better than to follow someone around. His mom is an enabler and he knows what he’s doing.

[@pansprayers]

The worst part is, he's not even on the spectrum, apparently.

[@hojmatros5102]

So true. I have Aspergers and I've never found myself casually stalking someone on accident.

[@pansprayers]

@@hojmatros5102 if anything, I avoid the sh*t out of people where possible.

[@paden1865able]

I know where the guy learned his stalking from, if his mommy showed up at OP's place to gripe them out...

[@floridafrostbite8002]

@@pansprayers He is on the spectrum if he has aspergers, it’s just really high functioning. I have it too and sure we think a bit differently but we know how to function in a society!

[@lizzykayOT7]

Whenever I read about people lifting themselves out of homelessness I am so impressed. It's not a simple or easy thing. The OP and his wife are both amazing people that have raised a good kid, empathetic kid. I'm a pathetic rock (not even a worm), if my family didn't support me I'd be dead or on the streets. It's always been my greatest fear.

[@DarklightAmy]

Those parents/grandparents are horrible. They should be proud OP got out of that dark place and that their daughter was compassionate enough to help him!

[@KyrieChii]

It's honestly hard to understand how such judgmental people managed to raise such a wonderful compassionate human being as their daughter.

[@BraveryWing26]

You are not taking boundaries too far last OP. If she wants contact she NEEDS to apologize.

[@nucitamoore]

Imagine thinking that homesless people aren't people.

[@UnnoticedKIN]

Story 3: As a person on the Autism/Aspergers spectrum, it absolutely infuriates me when people use the diagnosis as an excuse to behave like assholes! We can be socially clumsy at times, but if we find out that we did something that hurts another person or makes them uncomfortable, most of us feel bad about it and try to make sure we don't do that again. The "I have Autism/Aspergers, so you should tolerate me being awful" shit makes all of us on the spectrum that are not assholes look bad as well. Oh, and finding out that this guy actually didn't have it but said it to try to get away with stalking makes me hate him even more!

[@wubbalubbadabdab420]

"AITA for reporting a stalker, no lets move on." Lmao

[@jeaniem995]

I just lost it 🤣

[@jeanipin3430]

Lord I would have been so very proud of my daughter helping this homeless man. Then I would have let him know, shout it from a mountain, just how proud we were of him for turning his life around . That was a humongous feat, plus he did not, at least not mentioned, turn to drugs etc. What a wonderful couple and son

[@eliability]

Story 4: NTA mom’s husband is a horrible person. She needs to get her husband in line or leave. That man has no place to tell her what to do with a condition that he doesn’t understand. He doesn’t have the right to yell at OP either. OP’s mother must realize that he is going to cost her relationship with her child all because he’s a douche. NTA, Good luck to OP.

[@pansprayers]

I have those exact symptoms, and come to find out, it's because I have cerebral spinal fluid that builds up and causes them. Problem is, I wasn't properly diagnosed until I was literally on the cusp of ending it, because there's specialized testing required that's hard to get, and the pain - depression has never been a problem for me, weirdly - will literally make you suicidal. If I were OP', I'd leave mom to rein in stepdad and not contact them until they apologize, and start asking for a standing MRI and EEG.

[@lorifiedler13]

I'm kind of concerned about OPs mom. He's if he's verbally abusive to OP, what does he do to OPs mom?

[@StaubAufDenKnochen]

​@@lorifiedler13I was wondering about that, too. He might be downplaying his wife's migraines like that aswell.

[@sadraccoonboy]

Glad to come back after a year and still find the comments on this video defending the first op against the people asking about his past. No one needs to know and it’s awful that you just KNOW if he replied something else the people on the post wouldn’t be defending him. Love this community sm 💕

[@TheArnaa]

Story 3: after Mark read the title I said No! at the same time as he did. 🙂 Chris does this because his mother has always enabled his behaviour not because he has Asperger’s. Update: did not see that coming! And that makes Chris and his mum even more scary.

[@RekiTheRyvian]

Story 3: As someone with ~real autism~ (since my whole life has been spent hearing people with Asperger's say that it's not actually autism so they can have all the defenses of it but none of the stigma), it's actually real easy to recognize and correct what you are doing. Yes, it's easy to cross social boundaries without realizing it because you don't have the natural recognition of such things. But this is stuff like talking about you mom right after a friend's mom passed away or confession attraction to someone who is with their friends doing something else. Not stuff like outright stalking someone, attempted sexual assault, or yelling slurs at/physically assaulting minorities, which I hear about a lot - and not just in these dubious reddit stories. I've come across more than a few irl as far back as middle school (around 18 years ago now) as well.

[@pansprayers]

Who has been telling you Asperger's isn't autism. I have Asperger's, it's part of the ASD spectrum, and Asperger's as a diagnosis is a generally phased out one... Autism Spectrum Disorder is the generally accepted term in the medical community, and anyone who's claiming they have Asperger's who's slamming their foot down about it is being ableist and weird.

[@JustAnotherBuckyLover]

@@pansprayers The ableist NT "autism moms", much of the medical community, teachers, etc... and also the Aspie supremacist bunch. There are a (thankfully growing smaller) group of people who got an Asperger's diagnosis who have internalised the ableism of their NT parents and "therapists" that Aspergers isn't "real" autism, and they're not "r-words" like we are. If you have never been exposed to them, then I'm really glad for you, but as someone who has been in the online autism community for 20 years now, trust me, they're there. It's one of several reasons that a good number of autistics (now) have some level of wariness initially of people who call themselves Aspie or say they have Aspergers, because the people who are so militant about Aspergers not being the same as "real autism" are the same people who don't understand why functioning labels are harmful to everything, promote the idea of "severe" autism, think that autism causes intellectual disability (which it doesn't) and are raging supporters of ABA, despite the harm and even PTSD that it frequently causes in autistics, as well as providing no transferrable skills, in general. Personally, I just prefer Autistic over ASD because I am not a disordered "NT" person - my "wiring" is fundamentally different, and it's like calling a Mac a "disordered PC" when it won't run a PC game properly. And that, for me, is fundamental to changing the negative image I've had of myself for years as being a broken person who can't do the things everyone else can. But YMMV.

[@manypseudonyms]

@@JustAnotherBuckyLover Thank you for the info about others being wary about people who still call themselves aspie! That was just the term used growing up so I sometimes still use it in regards to myself bc I was diagnosed autistic before everything bundled under ASD. I am not active in autistic communities and had no idea it was a term being weaponised. Thank you for helping me make a better first impression on people! Now... how to fix the bad second, third, and fourth impressions? 🤔

[@JustAnotherBuckyLover]

@@manypseudonyms LOL you're very welcome. Sadly, I can't really help with the rest, I'm about as socially inept as they get. I mean, to be fair, there's also the other aspect that many people aren't fond of, which is Hans Asperger himself, so that doesn't help matters (from the fact that he labelled autistic people as psychopaths to his dodgy beliefs and practices during WW2). I had to go through the same thing because "aspie" was very much the name of choice when I started looking into things, neurodiversity etc.

[@TriXJester]

Story 3: This reminded me of an issue I ran into at my first college, there was a girl who would follow me around just because we were fans of the same thing, like she would sit next to me and when I would get up and move to the other side of the class she would follow. I only tolerated this for one class before I walked up to my professor in front of everyone and stated that she was making me feel unsafe and uncomfortable and that I would be leaving to talk to campus security. She did have Asperger's, but I have Autism and while both were neurodivergent only one of us understood that following people is inherently wrong. She ended up getting moved to another class on a different campus of the school. Always report.

[@eliability]

Story 1: NTA they’re just being honest with their child. They treated OP and the wife terribly over OP’s background and chose not to be in the son’s life. OP might’ve had a few problems, whether it’s substance abuse or homelessness. He’s doing a lot better and they could’ve had contact with OP and his family but they chose not to. NTA. Edit: He was doing what he could to survive. His wife’s family is terrible.

[@pansprayers]

Or he could have been like myself, escaping from religious ab*se, or abandoned. It really doesn't matter, and the in-laws are AH's

[@pippo17173]

The family is really falling on that gut feeling when in reality, their are prompous assholes who look down on people even when they freaking fix themselves.

[@brendayoungblood9484]

My daughter's boyfriend's mother was abusive and threw him out. We took him in and helped him get through high school and college. They're 30 and still together in their own place. He's like our child.

[@mr.willie9578]

If someone doesn’t want to share their whole life it is their business not to share

[@pansprayers]

THANK YOU. The time period from ages 10 - 21 are things I don't just blast to people I know face to face, and include homelessness, abandonment, and saving myself from what's been described as a religious c*Lt. It's none of that commenter's freaking business.

[@WatsonAndDaughter]

Story #2: ...You're worried about a boy 13 years younger than your son taking advantage of him...

[@bautistalover]

Ever hear of gold diggers and add on the 13 year age gap, it happens. I’m not saying that OP isn’t wrong but she’s not wrong in the idea of her son getting played. It happens all the time.

[@MarionHogan-m5i]

But surely her son is intelligent enough to be aware of the possibility of his new partner might be a gold digger?

[@cocoidiea8643]

Last story: I think OP should show mum their version of the SMS's as step dad may have selectively deleted messages if mum sees no problem with them.

[@razeredgerose]

And play the voicemail, if it wasnt deleted

[@EweOlive]

I was wondering if the mother saw the full chain or there were dirty deletes

[@nataliereeves3594]

Or it could be another case of parent choosing new partner over kid because they are afraid of being alone.

[@AudreyKaneWaypaststrange]

Story 1: NTA but a BUNCH of people on the subreddit are. Say OP hadn’t given them a “good enough” reason that he was homeless- would they have changed their verdict? It comes across that they would have retracted all that sympathy in a second if they had gotten a different response. The comment about not being able to possibly fill out a job application is Exactly the same mindset as the in-laws, just slightly more subtly delivered. Homelessness is not a symptom of personal failure. It’s a symptom of societal failure.

[@TsukiKageTora]

It doesn’t matter how he became homeless, it matters about the story. He turned himself around by his, now, wife. If it was bad I highly doubt the wife would have married him or become friends with him in the first place. These redditors are like “nope, you tell me EXACTLY why you became homeless or else I’m not judging you as NTA for this very NTA story” It’s none of their damn business to know what happened in someone’s life, only that they turned themselves around and became a better person. Two people know he was homeless and supported him: his wife and his son. That’s evidence enough that the reason isn’t bad or doesn’t mean shit to what is currently going on in their present

[@jamestown8398]

Yes. If OP didn't reveal his reason, then the commenters would have voted yta based on imagined reasons. Same if his reason for being homeless turned out to not be "good enough". A lot of people on reddit are morally bankrupt.

[@kozyquiche]

Story 4: I basically went through something very similar to that and it made me go very LC with my mom over a decade ago and I refused to speak to her husband until he apologized. He ended up passing away not too long ago and still never apologized.

[@alicewilloughby4318]

Story 2 - I wish OP would give us some specific examples of how her son's boyfriend is "ridiculous", impolite", "inappropriate" etc. Story 4 - WTF is the stepfather's problem?! The mother (who also has migraines and understands what it's like) told OP to lie down for a while and see how she felt, but the stepfather felt the need to scream at her, verbally abuse her, threaten to cut off her insurance and tell her she was no longer welcome at their house. We eventually learn that he sent these messages behind his wife's back, but apparently once she found out, he managed to convince (force?) her to go along with the insurance thing. It sounds like he dominates OP's mother. I don't know if there's anything OP can do about this, but she should consider it. I do think OP should have at least heard what her mother had to say when she came over. She maybe have been trying to explain how impossible it is to rein in the stepfather's behavior or what a nightmare of abuse would be unleashed on her if she tried.

[@toothless3835]

Story 2 I want to know their ages. A 13 year age gap is kind of creepy. If they're both over 21, I guess. They're adults, but a 30 year old with someone barley legally is always cause for raised eyebrows in my opinion.

[@bissutttsmat88788]

Story 3: This story made me mad because there was a similar dude in high school who I’ll refer to as Chad. Chad was known to harass the girls at school, especially those in the school band. I have heard multiple stories of him cornering girls, groping them, and even trying to kiss them. He has even tried hold my sister against the wall to grope and kiss her until she scared him away (she’s an intimidating individual) and has grabbed my butt. I think the reason why most did not report Chad was because everyone knew he had autism and were scared to be dismissed. Did I also mention that he was fully functional and did not need help with anything? This story is not intended to paint autism in a bad light, I just shared this story to say that mental conditions should not be used to excuse unacceptable behaviors, like Chris’s and Chad’s. OP did the right thing to report Chris, and considering the fact that they are expelling him, he’s worse than I thought.

[@user-wr3vt8uq4s]

Chances are OP's not the only person who's had unwanted advances. If he gets kicked out, it's the result of his own actions, not because he was "misunderstood".

[@Ax-xo4ux]

My cousin has downs- he sexually harasses SO. MANY. PEOPLE. INCLUDING ME. HIS OWN FUCKIN COUSIN. He knows exactly what he’s doing even with his disabilities. His mom coddles him I have autism- I also know NOT TO SEXUALLY HARASS SOMEONE SMH your disability is not an excuse to be an asshole- I’m so sorry you went through tha

[@scousemouse9566]

I suffer from migrains too, so do both off my daughters. I would kick my SO/husband out if he spoke to either of my girls like that. My kids come first NTA🧇🧇🧇🧇

[@Mewse1203]

Story 1: NTA and I would have explained it to him before he made the choice to see them. He needed that information before they met initially. It's worse that the grandparents expected OP and his wife to lie to their child for their benefit. They ruined it, not OP.

[@ajwinberg]

Aspugers is a form of high functioning Autism. My son is on the Autism spectrum and I would never do what the mother would have done just because my son has Autism. I would talk to my son about the behavior and why he can't do that.

[@AndyyWithAY]

The mom in the migraine story is horrid. OP had to leave work because she felt so horrible and stupid SD berates OP for not coming over when OP wasn't even invited. I don't like either of these people. My migraines aren't as bad as this, but they are bad. I never hesitate to rest in bed whenever I need that break

[@BraveryWing26]

I am so glad first OP's son went NC with the jerks who treated OP and his wife like that.

[@michaelwoods3651]

Story 1- good for the son! He has a good heart and morals! Who would want a relationship with someone who would treat another person as less?!? Thank goodness his wife was a good person and saw something about op that no one else could see! NTA

[@Mewse1203]

Story 4: NTA and what disgusting people her mom and step dad are. You'd think he would be the worst, butbthaysher mom who suffers from the same condition. Horrible

[@janglesthearsonist5265]

Story 3: NTA OP shouldn't recant the truth. I'm an adult with ASD and prior to the restructuring of terms concerning Autism as a whole I most likely would've been diagnosed with Aspergers. I can tell you from experience police will arrest anyone including someone with Autism if that individual comits a crime and then they get to wait in an uncomfortably bright small holding cell until they can see a judge. Autism only helped me get a small yet fair accommodation to how I performed my punishment. My mom has helped me with making phone calls to certain doctors and at times speaking on my behalf to them to articulate something that I could not. If Chris wants to live in the real world he needs to learn better coping skills and his mother shouldn't get involved in any personal issues so he can learn what is an what isn't acceptable amongst his peers. Since starting to listen to Mark I feel like I've avoided about five big social faux pas because I literally heard an AH do something similar to what I was about to do and I caught myself! edit: I wrote this wall of text prior to the update that Chris was faking Aspergers. He's an ass-hat for all the shit with OP, for causing this long ass comment to exist, and for faking having an invisible disability. People like him are part of the reason that a good chunk of the population think that people like myself are faking since we aren't nonverbal or constantly stimming! There's a reason it's called The Autsim "Spectrum"!

[@ShatoraDragondore]

Story 3: Sadly Asperger's or Autism in general is seen as a Get out of trouble card for Boys/Men. Because they couldn't/can't learn social cues, and it's more excepted for them to be rude. And because there was no correction at we get this supercharged version "Boys will be boys". Where Girls/Women it was much more common for them to be raised on some version of "Ladies are seen and not heard." so we got the over correction to the point people still buy the lie Autism only effects Males.

[@pansprayers]

And apparently he was lying about the ASD.

[@damien678]

I'm screaming that he lied about being autistic too like wtf 😭

[@ShatoraDragondore]

@@damien678 And He is why getting a diagnosis and treatment as an adult is near impossible

[@pansprayers]

@@ShatoraDragondore I found it to be difficult because the practitioners who specialise in ASD (like so many other specialists - I had to go to a Peds Genetics Department for my connective tissue disorder diagnosis at 26) are almost exclusively in Pediatrics, and insurance as an adult is a different beast than insurance for a minor when it comes to getting diagnosis. This guy is the reason, compounded with the lying about actually being on the spectrum, IS the reason for the completely unneeded stigma, though.

[@wmdkitty]

Or we (AFAB) get misdiagnosed with ADHD. (Hi.)

[@BraveryWing26]

I am so glad everyone called out 2nd OP. OP was THE AH.

[@anonymousbrooks8194]

Story 1. NTA, your son is old enough to know what really happened between you and his grandparents. I can't stand people who pick on the homeless because they're homeless, and those who pick on someone who was homeless.

[@cynicalminion]

2: went YTA with this one pretty much straight (no pun intended) outta the gate. my uncle was "part of the family" as long as i can remember (so about three decades) before it was even LEGAL for him to marry my dad's brother.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 3: NTA even people with Aspergers can learn what is or isn't appropriate and need consequences to learn that. If he gets expelled, it's mommy's fault for not doing her job... Edit: dude...using a disability you DON'T HAVE to justify shitty behavior is horrible...

[@pansprayers]

Let's par that down, and take out the 'even people with Asperger's' part. Stalking isn't part of the diagnosis, and frankly the fact he was lying about the whole diagnosis p*sses me right off.

[@Mewse1203]

@@pansprayers it isn't that stalking is a part of the diagnosis, but what is is being unable to understand social cues. What he was attempting to say was that he didn't know any better because he had Aspergers. The point I was making is that people with Aspergers aren't machines who are stuck in a single mode. They are humans who can learn and suffer consequences just like neurotypical people. So even if he had Aspergers that wouldn't be appropriate and if he thought it was, he needed to find out it wasn't.

[@pansprayers]

@@Mewse1203 I have Asperger's. Thanks for explaining me to me. I don't get it often enough in my life. You don't lead a sentence with, 'even people with (disability) can...' it's ableist, and needs to be reframed.

[@Mewse1203]

@@pansprayers It's not "ableist". I'm not even sure you understand what that means. Ableism is discrimination or prejudice against someone with a disability. People often use their diagnosis, ASD or not, to make excuses for their behavior. Pointing out that even people with whatever diagnosis can change their behavior isn't ableist. It's actually the opposite. It's pointing out that despite their diagnosis, they have just as much ability as any other person. For instance. " I have depression. I can't be happy" "Even people with depression can get treatment and learn to be happy." That's not prejudice, that's holding them accountable and not lettingthem use their diagnosisas an excuse to act badly.. The fact you think it's ableist to hold people accountable for bad behavior just because they have a diagnosis seems way more ableist. I wasn't "explaining you to you" I was explaining something you misunderstood about why I used the language I used. Finally, don't go around thinking you're the only one who has a diagnosis so you have exclusive rights to decide how people talk. You have no idea who I am or what I have going on.

[@brianbarber5401]

Last story: I’d talk to mom one last time, make sure she actually saw all the messages, and if she did and doesn’t change, tell her you’ll help when she decides to get out of a relationship with such an abusive AH, but otherwise, you’re going NC.

[@Gingerycarrotkitten]

“No let’s move on” 😂 Glad to know it really is as simple as that though! F stalkers!

[@MiraTheWarlock]

Story 1 is definitely NTA. People act like it's manipulative to tell kids the truth of someone being a bad person. Hiding it is manipulative! I wouldn't have wanted to see someone who was a total bastard

[@damien678]

BRUH. Story 4 is wild. He went nuclear for no damn reason. And she just let it happen?!!

[@Dira7411]

I love when you sing “r/am I the butt holeeeee” 🤣😂😅

[@catsithx]

Thank you for the laugh on story three about the stalker. The way you just said no and let's move on had me laughing.

[@unluckypuppy13]

I also had to report another student who had Asperger's for sexual harassment. He was 30 but looked 18. He talked to me a lot about how he was dating a 17 year old but not telling her his age specifically. When I told him that was wrong he said that girls his own age wouldn't want to date him since he hadn't finished college and stuff like that. Pointed out a girl in the library he had meet and kissed in the parking lot on the day he meet her and then got a message from her later about him assaulting her. She blew off what she said saying that she clearly wanted to be kissed and how ridiculous she was. There's a lot more but that was the two biggest ones. I even made a post on Reddit about it in the 2x chromosomes ones and people are just like wow he has to Asperger's you're so mean.

[@pansprayers]

Asperger's here. Stalking and refusal to accept 'NO' for an answer isn't part of the diagnosis. The fact that he lied about it shows that he knew that the myth that's perpetrated around it meant he could weaponize it. You didn't report someone with Asperger's, you reported someone for harassment, they're mutually exclusive, and it's really gross to use it as an excuse, or as part of a retelling.

[@unluckypuppy13]

@@pansprayers you're looking too deep into it he was a student who had Asperger's that sexually harassed other students. I mearly stated the facts.

[@Ally.81]

Last story: me and one of my sisters have the same problem with migraine. It doesn't happen often, maybe once a month or so, but when they do they are awful, I can't even open my eyes and going to toilet feels like my head will explode plus I go with my eyes closed. So yeah as some who has it I will never be ok with what the step-dad said.

[@micahpatchen1538]

Story 3: Fastest damn story/response ever! Nicely done hehehehe . and btw LOVE the way Mark pronounces Asperger's.

[@MorganVsTheInternet]

1- NTA, he's 16 and has the right to know about the grandparent's sh*ty actions and not want contact with abusive people. 2- YTA OP is a classist POS. Her son is happy and that’s all that matters. 3- NTA stalking SHOULD NOT BE TOLERATED. The college can take his disability into account if it affects his ability to make decisions.

[@DerekScottBland]

#2 is certainly a classist asshole, but the question is this - is she the asshole for saying he's not part of the family until he marries into it? All the responses completely ignore this. She's not saying he'll never be viewed as part of the family, she's saying he'll be part of the family when he officially marries in. It's typical Reddit knee-jerking.

[@kmechwarrior1684]

@@DerekScottBland "Family" is NOT blood, family is people who you love and love you back. You can have family with out blood relations....

[@DerekScottBland]

@@kmechwarrior1684 - No shit, sherlock. Come back when you can discuss the point on its merits instead of putting words in my mouth, ok? The point is each individual person decides for them what "family" is, and this person feels that "family" is someone either blood related or married into the family. The appalling ego of you thinking you get to dictate to others what "family" has to mean to everyone.

[@kimberlyterasaki4843]

Turns out the stalker in story 3 doesn't even have Aspergers.

[@KyrieChii]

@@DerekScottBland Yeah, it's not uncommon for people not to give a person's boyfriend or girlfriend the title of 'family' until they are either _married into it,_ have been together for a long time (& may not be interested in ever getting married), or have children together. Although I don't know if that's the state of mind that OP was coming from, or if she's more concerned about the class thing.

[@mericawillis2338]

Being homeless makes it near impossible to have a job as you need a bank account, for a bank account you need a home address, for a home you need a job…are people so entirely senseless to assume all homeless persons did it to themselves and are addicts? Seriously, some truly couldn’t avoid being homeless due to circumstances at work, job hunting before they lost their home due to falling behind on bills etc. There are numerous reasons as to how. The only way people would know is by treating each person as individuals, take the time to converse with people (if you can) and go from there

[@SuperBatSpider]

I was actually assaulted at school and I tried calling the police. The school took my phone, scolded me for calling the cops on a disabled person, and gave him 0 punishment.

[@nareegreel]

Story 2: I knew someone like that. He would follow his crush home because in his mind, he was showing his interest and protecting her. He was an international student, and it took all of us to advise/steer him what is appropriate and what is not. He went through a lot of unfortunate situations 😕. He was not diagnosed, but he has all the classic signs of a neurodivergent person. He got married and seems happy, so I hope he really is

[@Ambidexter143]

I have Aspergers. I spent 20 years in the U.S. Navy and retired as a Senior Chief (second highest enlisted rank). I then worked as an accountant, getting an MBA and becoming the Auditing Department manager. I was also married for over 40 years (my wife unfortunately died three years ago) and have a daughter who loves me. Having Aspergers does not mean one can't be successful in life and have reasonably normal relationships. I know I've made many mistakes in relationships with people, both friends and strangers. I like to think I generally respect other peoples' boundaries and I try not to make the same mistake twice.

[@Daigilia]

I look forward to watching new videos everyday! It really makes my day :) love the channel!

[@sianchild]

Story 3 - it's the mum who is the AH for not ever teaching her kid that stalking someone isn't appropriate behaviour.

[@louellacharlton4425]

Tyvm Mark. Stay safe please. PEACE

[@cynicalrabbit915]

Story 1 Homeless to solid citizen in 4 yrs Of Course NTA My only further comment/question: How on this green earth did those snobs manage to raise such a wonderful empathetic woman?

[@gypsygem9395]

Oop story 3 after the update - that's definitely extra worrying

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 1: why the hell do so many people want to know what lead up to him being homeless? It doesn’t matter why he was homeless to judge the story. If it isn’t drugs or alcohol, it shouldn’t be anyone’s business to why he was homeless. Shit happens, life happens, you do not need to know why nor do you need to know every damn detail to judge the damn story at hand. If the 16 year old son is fine with his dad’s past, then that should be good enough for all these nosey assholes.

[@pansprayers]

Because it gives them the chance to feel superior. Nothing more or less.

[@goawayleavemealone2880]

@@pansprayers - 100% Correct.

[@gobigamer5720]

Story 4: NTA but something did kinda pop out to me a little and hadn’t been raised that might be a possibility, might be a long stretch however, seeing the similarities of how my personal life was like before boundaries was placed kinda makes me wonder.. is the mom being emotionally or mentally abused in some form? I know it doesn’t excuse the way the mother treated her daughter but it could be a possibility that the mom is in between a rock a hard place and that the step dad isn’t giving much in terms of options. The thing that really made me wonder, was when it seemed that the mother’s attitude changed after the night from “she said to lay down for a couple of hours to see how she feels” (therefore understood that if she was still bad then op wouldnt be able to make it over” as well as “she didn’t know he had sent those messages…” to the next day where “mother repeats the step dads words of the car insurance” it just seems odd that the mom seemed to be a compassionate and understanding from the night before but had to repeat the step dads words in the day after. Famous saying in the UK is that; you never know what happens behind close doors and sadly it’s so true for many and will only usually come out once circumstances changes, or exposed.

[@francessmith5073]

Story 3: My son has Aspergers and I say that explains why he acts the way he does but it does not excuse bad behaviour. I expect him to behave in a respectful way to others. I would never use his diagnosis as an excuse behaving badly.

[@Yusei1Fudo]

Story 3: I have Aspergers and issues with touch sometimes, but I always correct myself when told not to touch. And even then, unless dating, the most touching I do is poking sides, when I'm "poking fun" with someone. Stalking is not normal, Aspergers or no.

[@starlingswallow]

I'm amazed at the heart of your beautiful wife when her parents are so different! You are not the a whole!

[@SkyEcho751]

Story 1: NTA and I've cut off one side of Grandparents for similar reasons, they are not people I would consider to be health to keep in my life, so I won't talk to them. I made that decision when I was 14, so ya, 16 is more then old enough to know what the grandparents were like. Story 2: YTA, didn't even hear out the story as I've already heard it before. Parents are judgemental in a similar manner to the Grandparents from story 1. Story 3: NTA, yep, this is why people don't believe in mental health issues, because other people will lie about having one to have a "Get out of jail" card for any bad behavior. Story 4: NTA, I KNOW what this is like. My mother has a similar condition where she just has to lay in bed because of a migraine . Except in this case the mother is simping for the D rather then caring for her own daughter who did NOTHING wrong. *bleep* both of them until they apologize, and even then *bleep* that guy specifically.

[@lyndseythomson6262]

The grandparents said that they did not want anything to do with the boy when he was a baby. But they changed their mind, you were nice and left them see him. They will forever be the idiots.

[@katiesmith2031]

Mark thanks for the video hope you and poppy are having a wonderful day

[@gypsygem9395]

Hey Katie how are you doing? Hope all's well with you. Take care and much love 💟

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

You too m8🤗🤗💜💜

[@katiesmith2031]

@@broken_queer_but_fighting8589 thank you broken hope you are having a wonderful day

[@katiesmith2031]

@@gypsygem9395 thank you gypsy I'm doing ok ended up with the c-19 but I'm going to be fine just a bad cold. Hope you are having a wonderful day

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@katiesmith2031 thanks and you too💜💜🤗🤗

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

STORY 1: *NTA* You reap what you sow, ridiculous how the grandparents are so judgmental of homeless people that they cut contact with their own daughter simply because she was a good person and good karma followed her through life. They don’t get to show up out of the blue because they learned they have a grandchild and expect the grandchild to want to be with them. How was he supposed to love and except his grandparents after he learns how horrible they were to his parents? When it came to the first question asking if op he had proper schooling to learn how to fill out a job application…… What school teaches you that? In all my years of systemic academic prison I don’t remember taking any classes that prepared me for the real world. Even home economics, it really took me back to the 1920s where all I learned how to cook, clean, take care of a flower sack, and sew (no hate on the teacher she was a VERY nice old lady and she was following the curriculum that was given to her to teach) just pointing out that was literally the only class that taught me any sort of life skills. Damn the American education system really does suck at preparing young adults who are about to enter the real world. I always see stories of people talking about how in their high school and even middle school they had mock job applications & mock job interviews and Job fairs where students sign up to shadow people that work in different types of jobs. My school did none of that! The only closest thing they did to prepare us for graduating high school was 4 field trips to the local community college where we did the same tour over and over and over and over.

[@jesuscoatl4862]

Good afternoon mark, keep up the good work ☺️✌️❣️

[@RavenheartIndustries]

Story 3: People gotta learn "That explains it, but doesn't excuse it" Mom, Chris, and people for the most part... NTA

[@janglesthearsonist5265]

It sounds like the moms in Stories 1 and 2 go to the same country club!

[@telinhajp]

Hi Mark! Have an extra fun weekend! ❤️

[@shadowclaw8607]

Story 3: I have to say NTA. I have Asperger's Syndrome and my mom had to put her foot up my butt to keep me from doing something wrong. Whether or not someone has a disability, cuddling your kids DOES NOT HELP!!! Can we stop babying these people!

[@johntremble7993]

Story 3, NTA. I have autism and never once used it as an excuse for my behavior, one time i messaged a "friend" during a football game the friend was watching and the response i got back was "it must be your stupid autism" I don't remember what my message was. I held a grudge for a few months after that, i barely talk to thet friend much now.

[@epicXtrollface]

Story 3: The intro of the story made me freeze in my seat because for a second, I thought it was about my brother. His name, too, is Chris and he has autism. Last month, he's been arrested for stalking. Obviously, I don't know the entire story surrounding the situation, but it comes down to him contacting/harassing his ex for months. His court hearing is in februari and there is a very possible chance for him to go to jail. The uncertainty terrifies me. However, I never had even a spark of hate or anger for the girl, nor did I feel like what she did was wrong. I am scared for my brother, but while the girl was the person who contacted the police, my brother supplied her with a reason to do so. Had he not been in the wrong, there would be nothing to worry about. For OP to only inform the school would still show Chris a lot of grace. I find the mother equally as pathetic as her son, though. How could you defend something like that?

[@Buff_Helpy]

Story 3:again, I live for these ones where mark can tell from the title.

[@linshannon4480]

My husband and I have a firm rule in our family: we don't lie to our sons. It's worked very well, and we have great relationships with them now that they're adult. I find it admirable that OP and his wife didn't lie to their son, AND they allowed him to make his own decisions. The grandparents are dreadful people, and if they can't see that their wonderful grandson is the result of excellent parenting, then they truly have missed out.

[@ChefDuJour78]

As someone with Aspergers myself, it’s never made me want to stalk anyone. If anything, it makes me want to avoid everyone.

[@BraveryWing26]

The 3rd OP did NOTHING WRONG. The mom should not enable AWFUL BEHAVIOR.

[@damien678]

"AITA for being logical" PLEASE LMFAOOO 😭

[@diddykitty746]

I finished making a few things to send to my friend a few states away as a Christmas gift, now all I have to do is mail it over :D

[@paulahowlett8452]

Last story, sounds like the mother is gonna lose her daughter over a controlling man. The mother is afraid to be alone so she is putting up with his crap. And now he. Has pushed the daughter away therefore isolating the mother

[@jamestown8398]

Yeah, that's my thought too. OP's mother isn't being abused, she just consciously decided to value her new romantic partner over her child. It's something a lot of crappy parents do.

[@k87jury]

Story 4: Don’t wait for an apology. Just abandon your Mom now. Tell her that if she contacts you, you will get a restraining order. Keep the messages and go to the police and say you feel threatened if she doesn’t leave you alone.

[@pansprayers]

Asperger's here - stalking isn't part of the criterion for diagnosis. If he can't act like a reasonable part of society, he doesn't get to participate in it. Pretty simple

[@pansprayers]

And that side jog on the story with the friend with Asperger's? Again, not Asperger's. That's called weaponized disability.

[@dm9078]

The wife did not stop talking to her parents. They stopped talking to her! NTA! Why the hell does how he became homeless matter? A crap load of victim blaming there.

[@Roedygr]

REVEAL THE PAST : when son asked why you and grandparents were no contact, what were you supposed to do--make something up i.e. lie? Son wants nothing to do with grandparents because of what THEY did. They have no one to blame but themselves.

[@GreebleClown]

22:29 My take: imagine if the reason you weren’t answering was because you were in a car accident on your way over and was in the hospital. Or you had tripped and hit your head unconscious. Or this time the migraines were caused by something more serious like an aneurysm and you had gone to sleep it off and didn’t wake up. Just saying.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Hey you yes you remember to take care of yourself gosh darn it, you are always valid, and I love you and care about you so please take care of yourself 💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗

[@DarkbutNotsinister]

I can’t believe you beat me! Love & hugs!!

[@gypsygem9395]

Been thinking about you today Broken! How are you? Hope your heart is starting to mend. Remember we all love you as much as the live you always send us. Take care 💟

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@DarkbutNotsinister lol 🤗🤗💜💜

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@gypsygem9395 aww thanks so much m8 much love, hope you are having a great day 🤗🤗💜💜

[@FlamesofJagger]

Hey Broken. Hope you are doing well. Much love 💘 ❤️ 💗 💕 💛 💙 💘 🤗 🤗 🤗 🤗 🤗

[@lostshadows768]

Three is definitely NTA. If he really didn't understand what he was doing was wrong, why couldn't he give an explanation about being there? There had to be one. The only reason to not say something is if he actually did know.

[@lostshadows768]

Four is clearly NTA, but I'm wondering if most of the texts got deleted before mom looked at his phone. Might be worth it for OP to send mom screenshots, just to be sure she has the full picture.

[@ToxicSunrise132]

Story 3: people that pretend to have a disability to excuse their terrible behavior are the absolute worst. Not only are they terrible people but they also perpetuate harmful stereotypes about the group they're pretending to be a part of. OP is NTA and it sounds like her reporting things stopped a truly horrible person from harassing innocent women on campus.

[@nanofate4118]

I have Asperger's and I sure as hell know not to stalk people. Sick of people hiding behind that diagnosis. It's even worse with people who claim to have it when they don't. The filth that do that need to go poke an angry tiger

[@kathleenmcfarlane2555]

Story 4: OP is not the A-hole. Parents are the A-holes in this situation.

[@FriedaMMartin]

Good afternoon! Chilling working on stocker stuffers for my mother in law. She has a huge crush on the Witcher

[@FriedaMMartin]

Making Witcher themed items

[@dracawyn]

Story 3: I'm autistic. Being autistic does often mean struggling with social cues and understanding social etiquette. HOWEVER. Criminal behavior is criminal behavior. And, given that this guy's support needs are low enough that he seems to be able to go to school and live without a carer, he needs to understand appropriate boundaries. Should neurodivergent people get a pass for harmless "cringey" behavior? I think absolutely yes. I don't think arbitrary social rules should be mandatory. But following someone around to this extent is *not* one of the arbitrary rules. Social rules and laws that are meant to help people both feel safe and be safe need to be respected. Having disabilities does NOT give anyone a free pass on predatory or illegal behaviors.

[@wmdkitty]

THIS. ALL OF THIS.

[@LeeLeesBanter]

❤ You Mark!

[@Tammohawk1]

1. NTA I'd rather cut both my arms and legs off than not talk with or see my kids again because of who they chose to be with. OP has overcome so much, and he did it all because someone loved him.

[@alphanerd2305]

As someone who has Asperger's, has done extensive research on it, and have known a lot of people with it; neither I nor anyone else I've known have used it to justify that kind of shit behavior. We've used it in justification of awkward responses to social situations, but to use it as an excuse to be a dick? No... Oh....and when you actually hear the proper pronunciation, you might think like Cartman from South Park and hear "ass burgers". Makes me giggle every time.

[@StaubAufDenKnochen]

Story 1 - grandparents could have come clean to their grandson and expressed regret for their choices. Maybe being honest from the start would have made them look like they had changed. Instead, they just expected for that to stay under the rug forever. Who knows maybe they would have try to manipulate the teen to mistrust OP to the point where he would not have believed the truth, if OP had then tried to tell him too late.

[@tarunr1949]

the migrane thing is real guys ive got the puking version twice but yes many of attacks are extreme and i put a pillow over my head in a dark room zero light and force myself to sleep and only that helps sometimes other times i just have to power through it and it hurts a ton