Healthy Supports - Part 1/9 - Red Flags - Part 1/5

How does one find healthy people in recovery and how does one build a healthy support system? Tim begins a series that will provide practical guidance in doing these things.
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LEARN
🔍 ONLINE
🎓 LIFT Online Learning is available from the comfort of your home. Book a no-commitment intake using the following link: calendly.com/nicole-b-j/45min
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🔍 IN-PERSON
🎓 We are working hard to get RE/ACT centres and programs set up around the globe. See where the closest location to you is here: www.timfletcher.ca/learn-in-p...
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TEACH
🎓 COMPASS Facilitator & Coach Training is offered to LIFT Online Learning graduates who would like to facilitate our programs or further their education as Complex Trauma coaches. Our coaches and facilitators help those living with addictions, process their trauma and assist them in developing techniques that lead to better decision-making and healthier lives. Learn more here: www.timfletcher.ca/teach
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ENGAGE
🎓 Workshops are being made available where you, a group or organization can attend to learn about Complex Trauma. Workshops are specific to Complex Trauma and vocation themes, and offer detailed information about how Complex Trauma creates dysfunction and offers tools for healing.
www.timfletcher.ca/engage
🎓 SEMINARS & WEBINARS Contact us to book a webinar or an in-person seminar with Tim Fletcher. Email: [e-mail]. Topics include: Trauma-Informed Care, Anger, Shame and Codependency.
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LICENSE
🎓 LIFT Online Learning is available for trainees or licensee hopefuls in order to best understand healing and provide successful peer-to-peer support. It is available from the comfort of your home. Find out more information here: www.timfletcher.ca/learn-online
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🌐 Go to timfletcher.ca to find out more.

[@ajelder6822]

1.5 days ago I found this man & this channel..Never have I felt more at home. Also loving fellow commenters-thx for sharing. I get you 🙏 🙏

[@tabjones6747]

Tim really “gets it” and these videos are Full Stop incredible and helpful.

[@LifeAsAYoungMarried]

Anyone else think they “knew” all the red flags.... then Tim blew your mind with his expertise!

[@LynnRank]

Yes, my new best friend!

[@LynnRank]

No kids, no family, no real friends, screwed up past, plus 2 suicides....

[@LR-yu3mx]

Tim is absolutely the best tutor on cluster B personality disorders. Well prepared and straightforward quality content.

[@sarahjmount9221]

There’s no one quite like Tim, is there? He’s such an innovative leader in his CPTSD teachings. I also, look to his Christian lessons at the end of his videos for his insights into comprehensive interpretations of the Bible. He has helped my healing journey immensely. I am unable to relay enough positive thoughts about him to do he and his altruistic work, proper justice. Thank you for your goodwill and kindness in showing us how to live.

[@smoozerish]

This is brilliant information

[@LR-yu3mx]

To be born from a narcissist mother is a tragedy the baby did not ask for. A lifelong struggle. I can sense an unsafe person from a distance.

[@Jess-kn8vl]

Me too 🕊

[@madeofwar8781]

Same, except my father is the narcissist. He destroyed the whole family.

[@jacksonyusuf]

This channel helps me heal and not get stuck dwelling.

[@happydaysrcoming8792]

Tim is talking about me and many of us and the lack of help we are getting when we seek help because some get CPTSD and some don’t like some therapists!

[@CMoore8539]

There’s a lot of unsafe people in this world. There’s a lot of people who have been injured emotionally and physically as children. Though we may feel sorry for them, it’s Not our place to fix them. They have to fix themselves, just like we all do.

[@g.s.632]

Absolutely 💯

[@Cassie-pt7mt]

It's tough when you were trained not to trust anyone. When your family targets your weaknesses, you learn to toughen up. You learn that no one is trustworthy.

[@sawdustadikt979]

So many examples given here is why I have thoroughly come to distrust Christians, especially ones that signal themselves by holding their palm up to while covering their heart with the other hand and tell me”I’m a Christian “ with a look of “wow, isn’t that amazing “ written across their face. What I learned from Sam Vaknin is it’s right at the beginning, the signaling, that they are of a higher value by aligning themselves with something that powerfully elicits a subservient response. What you say is also so true, that when we grow up with truly ugly situations and people, we have to shut off our guts to survive. I’ve had to build my cognitive abilities to spot all this stuff, to make sense of my hyper-vigilance. Like not long ago I realized a life coach I hired had all of these self righteous characteristics, I realized what I was dealing with in the third session thankfully. Unfortunately, it takes grandiosity and naivety to think you have it together enough to put yourself as an authority on telling others how to live their lives. Be very careful out there people.

[@misspeach3755]

And to me a red flag is someone who avoids/distrusts an entire group of people based on their bad experiences.

[@sandracicek]

Spot on Pastor Tim! I'm kinda proud of myself that I managed to pickup a covert narcissist within month one of knowing them. Thanks to Covid-19 and lockdown, he lives in another city 700km away from me. So thankfully it was only phone calls, zoom calls, whatsapp messaging, but yep, this person was the typical vulnerable "all his previous partners did so much wrong to him, but know where was there any admitting to some responsibility and accountability. This fitted so well in with your lecture on "Character Defects". Also this person was adamant they had been single for the last 18 months finding themselves - firstly that made no sense because there was no real answer to "how they were working on themselves". So end of week 1, huge amount of lovebombing; lies; discovering he was still in a relationship with another woman. Well, as you know, they blamed everyone across their life path for failed relationships, personal and work. They guy had been suspended I find out for swearing his boss at the top of his voice - rage not anger. He lied about so many things and seriously, he believed his own lies - sad. Plus admitting to beating the woman up whom I eventually found about and off course, he says it was her fault. [anger and rage are two completely different things]. But good going because I figured him out in week 1 and yes I offered a second chance, but certainly the rest of the three months was no smooth sailing, because the red flags just kept coming at me. Your lectures have been extremely helpful to me over the last two years.

[@mgw622]

Congrats on figuring him out! Almost sounds like we were with the same person. It took me about 3 months to figure this one out (also covert living in another city) but once I did I was out, and 3 months is better than the 3 years it took me the last time I dated a narcissist (also covert) about a decade ago. Hopefully the next time it'll only take 3 days lol. Good luck and I'm glad you got away from someone who sounds extremely dangerous!

[@user-rp5lm8yn5t]

Wow, you sure your not speaking of the narsasist I got rid off 🤣🤣🤣

[@sandracicek]

Sad thing is the template they use is all they know, so who knows! They bound to be caught out! Creeps!

[@ajelder6822]

Sandra, the bullet you dodged was a missile..and a nuke to boot. Pls be so careful..I'll sign off this reply as, Near Dead after 39 yrs of it (!!)

[@lisaj5769]

lying, history of cheating, blaming others, self righteous, unreliability

[@carol5125]

Thank you so much!!!! This is so helpful and encouraging!!!

[@44kayleemic]

Wish I had watched this 26 months ago! The self righteous thing I never detected and got scammed by a pwNPD /ASPD.... When I realised what it was I realised my mother was high on the narc spectrum also and so 2 significant people from my life vanished over night

[@ajelder6822]

Pardon my ignorance-but what do the 2 acronyms mean? Think 1st is partner w/narc personality dis; what's other?

[@44kayleemic]

@@ajelder6822 person with narcissistic personality disorder and anti social personality disorder (many refer to it as sociopathy)

[@lawrenceleclerc6664]

Also i need to realize that no people are perfect and let me down from time to time and me them. Friends, counselors, family etc...

[@eecneihappy]

So true...

[@faithwalker5196]

Just remember that there’s a huge difference between somebody letting you down and betrayal trauma.

[@KellySnow]

Yah I made an appointment with a new therapist and it was awful she had no idea how much trauma I’ve been thru and she was so hard, zero compassion and I ended up having to defend myself and ended up feeling really badly when I’m reaching out for help finally. It was a really bad experience so I hope I’m led to someone who can sort it out with me. I applied to re/act I hope they let me in…..it feels like if I’m not addicted to drugs or in rehab that I won’t be candidate tho so I hope that’s not the case

[@teresamacey7039]

Thank you very much for the work you are doing.

[@peggywereta3074]

Thank you so much . You have helped me understand i get it and im looking forward to doing what is right and to find my inner peace . Nga mihi .

[@user-rp5lm8yn5t]

Amen, you broke that all down so so well!!

[@wolfkai82paulinscozycrafts91]

Thank you so very much bes information and so supportive and loving

[@chrishoagland4603]

Thank You Tim and team! This is very helpful.

[@alee77777]

Thank you Tim. You have helped me so much.

[@eecneihappy]

Love This ❤

[@megadavids1]

Thank you

[@Crazydoglady.]

EXCELLENT 👍😊

[@anitabubic6094]

Super helpfull!

[@Victoria-uq8mf]

It's so hard for me to listen to these when I realize that because I didn't have secure attachments, I likely haven't made super secure attachments for my children 😢

[@C.Hawkshaw]

If you start where you are and do what you can, your attachments to your children will improve. 🙂

[@dmix2263]

Don’t forget to like

[@user-em3np4vr8c]

I have had to cut off my npd, abusive sister and the other npd sister I stay away from and the whole family and their kids I've never met i mean their kid's kids because they are linked to my sisters and they drink and I am recovering alcoholic 30 years, and then I got sick for long time and lost contact with meetings, my best friend did a dirty deed and I am divorced no children so I only 😂have my crowd of rainbow lorikkeets and even lost my beautiful ragdollcat, who I cried over for months, he had defecated in common area of building, now I am completely alone, my psych does not understand trau a really, going to see a therapist but I am older, I am on the other end of life, but still attractive and active!❤❤

[@tammywhitt]

How do you become a member?

[@garrydurnford5521]

superb analysis on the familial, the individual level, yet far too many of the people you speak to lack the analysis on the collective level, the cultural, the communal, the state, especially the criminal state of the collective west, the collective state which have created what you ascribe to the individual....

[@susanralph274]

i know a lot of people with organic brain damage and they behave in weird ways, but i cut them slack, however my tummy hurts

[@meshal420]

How can I access the rest of the videos in this “healthy supports” series? They’re hidden. Is there a subscription or some other way to gain access? I haven’t been able to find them on the website. I’d really appreciate access as I’m finding your videos as unimaginably helpful in understanding trauma and how to work through it with myself and relationships, and as an adjunct to therapy

[@alysonhuculak8608]

On the top of this channel is a membership tab

[@reg8297]

Still am struggling to live have hard time trying to cope with life long effects of abuse im angry at god he knows im still been abused cause its rhe rippling effects of ny parents abuse and it trikled down onto me meeting another abuser and now a son ive had enough and know all this has occurred aa a direct result of the horrific way my mother treated and communicated with me

[@TheBroSplit]

Wait if someone doesn't lie cheat for the most part, are they not "better than" in some regard than someone who does lie, steal and cheat?

[@phoebebeacham9816]

❤

[@freshdumpling]

If I join tim's church an I going to find a good husband? Is Tim fletcher single?

[@gimongi77]

Why did you start leaving out the Christian part?

[@freshdumpling]

Can I know if Tim is a psychiatrist or..? Can't find any info on his background on Google.

[@TimFletcher]

Trained addictions and trauma counselor for the past 17 years, and a pastor for 35 years

[@CMoore8539]

@FindingFreedomMedia He’s saving many lives with these videos. He’s a rare Gift to Humanity!!💘

[@manleenkaur7942]

So much of you said: have undergone.

[@TheGreenTaco999]

36:31

[@carol5125]

Thank you so much!!!! This is so helpful and encouraging!!!