I Am Too Soft To Be A Man

[@aquras32]

"Scented candles are girly!" - Guy whose room smells like literal decomposing shit.

[@kevinsmithgaming]

yea i dont get this, fucking apple sake scented candles are insane! and i can do shit better with my room smelling like thhat of a sane person

[@greyblob1101]

The only candle I handle is my man candle

[@saturationstation1446]

*constant fart noises*

[@OatmealTheCrazy]

The authentic gym locker room smell 👌

[@faithfulfilo7994]

this gave me a good laugh 🤣

[@Reyna3103]

yes this was privated before and just released.

[@notreal6032]

Thanks for explaining lol

[@josephvintuks7183]

You can watch his full streams on Twitch without a subscription btw

[@JesusIsTheWayToHeav3n]

I figured as much, good to know that I wasn’t the only one who realised that

[@kauklamotion9479]

ačiū

[@Sergote12]

But I still rewatched it anyway 😅😅

[@ArielLVT]

"Soft" men, PLEASE BE YOURSELVES. I had *such* a hard time dating because the dating pool would either be overrun by hyper masculine men or men pretending to be hyper masculine. I was never (and I mean never) attracted to "manly men". I wanted a partner who could cry and have real conversations with me. Someone who wasn't scared to take up knitting if he genuinely enjoyed it. Someone more like me, caring and open. Thank goodness I found him after 7 YEARS on a dating site. I swear, society has ruined men by telling them that they have to be one way or another. PLEASE BE YOURSELVES! There are women (men and non-binary folks) out there who are looking for you. Exactly as you are.

[@theyfukenwmesubliminally]

SAME!! Exactly my thoughts.

[@inquisitionagent9052]

Heard that lie before

[@BlackMita]

Suuure

[@ArielLVT]

@@inquisitionagent9052 Lie? My current partner saw his mom knitting at 15 and asked her if she could teach him. Nowadays, he knits cat carrier liners for my foster cats. His mom asked him what sorts of after school classes he wanted to take and he said "pottery". We've been together for over 5 years. The happiest years of my life.

[@inquisitionagent9052]

@@ArielLVT I'm happy for you two. Finding something special like that is rare. Unfortunately its never worked out for me like that.

[@rodion169]

i got bullied because i was a very sensitive and kinda femenine kid. i never liked to fight or argue with anyone, and at the slightest provocation i wanted to cry. I was very weak, i believe that was the reason i got picked on so much. Now i feel like i overcompensate by being as insensitive and "masculine" as possible. im still very sad about what happened to me during school years and im resentful, and i feel like in the process of becoming more "masculine" i've lost a part of me .

[@offensivearch]

It sounds like you needed to integrate your shadow. This is something primitive cultures did with boys and young men through initiation rituals, but this has been lost in the modern world.

[@TsukiNoMilkshake]

That sounds rough. Bullying sucks. I hope you can heal those wounds!

[@sthaim1920]

I hope you accept your soft side and reject weakness. Having emotions is fine, what's important is what you do about it. Weakness is NEVER a good thing and people should never be bullied. Get strong and stay strong, we'll all make it brah

[@christlover5033]

This exactly me. I've come to the realization that I am the most feminine, weakest man alive, I accept it wholeheartedly. I pray that this world would be more soft. Thank you for sharing

[@jahmanhosking5153]

Bugger

[@ulvfdfgtmk]

Traditionalists: there are only 2 genders Progressives: there are 99+ genders Dr. K: there is no gender

[@99sins]

look up gender abolitionists

[@happylittlemy]

Dr. K is right. Sex exists, "gender" is a stupid concept invented by a literal pedophile (look up John Money). In my opinion, people should do what they are good at, and never be ashamed of itーwhether that's a woman who has always wanted children and has a real gift with them becoming a stay-at-home mom, or a man following his athletic and artistic dreams and capabilities and becoming a famous ballet dancer. We shouldn't cripple ourselves and hate who we are just to make "society" and small-minded others happy.

[@bugjams]

@@happylittlemy I agree with you. Also, as someone who falls under a "non-binary" label, I'm actually as sick of labels as you average conservative. I just don't see the point. When people ask if I'm a guy or a woman, I'd just rather not answer - or better yet - that they don't even ask the question. Unless you're interested in sleeping with me, or you're my doctor, what reason is there to ask? We can talk biology when it's relevant. But nobody really _needs_ to know if you're a man or a woman or whatever in your average day-to-day conversation. And it's kind of a jarring question, too. Why would they need to know, unless they're prepared to treat you differently based on your answer? After I realized that, I just stopped answering. I can appear completely androgynous. It's funny - the same people who call queer people "sensitive snowflakes" get beet red when you don't give them a straight answer to your gender, or when you ask them why they need to know.

[@happylittlemy]

@@bugjams This is a really cool perspective, thank you! I am personally a female, but I have been briefly mistaken for a man a couple of times before due to having shorter hair. (It always kind of makes me lol when that happens, and usually people soon realize that I am in fact a female and apologize profusely.) Which is actually why I got my ears pierced when I was super young, because my Mom wanted me to "look like a girl". Which is kind of silly when I think back on it, haha. I also have some sort of neurodivergence, which can make it hard for me to read social cues (well, I can tell when people are made uncomfortable after the fact, but I don't have a good enough understanding of social norms to know what will likely make people uncomfortable beforehand), and although I love being friends with girls on an individual basis, I tend to get bullied and pushed out of groups of them, so I tend to stay away from friend groups. Plus I was raised Christian to the point where I can't really relate to a lot of my peers' pop cultural references :/ I really am not a "pick me" girl, and although I am friendly with my male classmates and have like maybe 1 male friend, I recognize the importance of having female friendships, which I make an effort to develop and sustainーI just can't do large groups of females for the aforementioned reasons, unless we are united and focused on a common cause and not just "friends". All of these egregiously personal anedcodes are to say, that I understand where you are coming from with not feeling like telling everyone your sex or "performing your gender". It especially sucks when people ask you to define your gender, because as someone with (ED related) body dysmorphia, I know how triggering and harmful even a small innocuous seeming comment can be. I hope everything goes well for you going forward!

[@newbiegain117]

I identitfy as a binary.

[@noctusion2392]

"The true self has no gender" I like this a lot tbh

[@flitefulwantssubs402]

@rafel is it really personality, or how others perceive us/physical appearance? Although physical appearance does in part rely on personality

[@andreahirschmann685]

@rafel if the same person can be male and female (I guess you meant masculine/feminine, because male/female refers to biological sex) at different times, the whole concept of gender (stereotypes) makes no sense. It is useless and just made up.

[@sayonara963]

@rafel personalities have genders? I get that we have specific and different behavioral traits between men and women, but personality in itself has no gender, unlike a lot of people nowadays claim it to be ..

[@sayonara963]

@rafel yea, it’s not technically based on sex, but temperament of a person. Sex do influence a person’s temperament but very little.

[@novustalks7525]

It's true and it's wonderful to see someone acknowledge it

[@milen748]

It'd be nice if people separated personality from sexual characteristics and or gender.

[@hazardousjazzgasm129]

Good luck lol

[@jacobk5451]

I think there’s too many differences in interests, upbringing, and temperament (let alone the physical differences and drives) between men and women to ever do that. But it’s okay.

[@godspeedhero3671]

It'd be nice if women would let men do that.

[@NeonCicada]

People like that really do exist...in fact, there's so many of them out there in the world that they create entire communities of like-minded people 😅 (eg. asexual & agender peoples _generally speaking_ embody those very ideals, those on the autism spectrum also don't _generally speaking_ focus as much on that stuff either, academics working in digital spaces etc. etc. etc.)

[@LRM12o8]

@@jacobk5451 that's nurture, not nature though. Kindergarten often have the "girl's toys" in one corner and the "boy's toys" in the other corner of the room and when a boy plays in the girl corner, he's usually nudged to go play with the boy's toys. I recently read a study where they put all the toys together and let the kids play with any toys they like. They discovered that both boys and girls quickly started to play with all toys regardless of gebder connotation and after just six months they messured significant improvements in social skills in boys after they started to also play with dolls and significant improvements in spatial visualization ability in girls after they started to also play with Hotwheels cars and Legos. This suggests that the differences in behavior, interests and preferences between men and women are mostly down to their upbringing.

[@sechabatheletsane9784]

Just wanted to say big rip to Micheal Cera. Forever the face of "unmanliness" even when bringing up debates about "unmanliness" not existing

[@dannycat3970]

This Micheal Cera thumbnail is a flex

[@cotton7960]

Kinda sucks how this video has Cera as the thumbnail because one of the ways people have bullied me for not being masculine enough is by calling me Michael Cera. Though I guess me being sad about this is exactly proof that I am too sensitive. Remember, bullies are often correct!

[@twistedfoostinks1234]

@@cotton7960 100% same. This video was very informative, but tbh I didn’t relate much to the post he was responding to, but I do in fact relate a lot more to Michael Cera and the characters he portrays in movies. I.e., not really “girly” or overly sensitive, just super passive and non-confrontational. I feel as though this video was just a tad misleading as Dr. K is speaking more to the men out there with actual feminine qualities, rather than guys who just lack the typical masculine energy that seems to get you far in the world.

[@Damesanglante]

Bullies are not correct. They are evil. You're f**ed up.

[@emsulich]

I don't think misogyny is at an all time high, I think we're finally at a place where we acknowledge it exists at all whereas before it was just so ingrained and accepted we didn't notice or acknowledge it.

[@an6350]

yeah it is more apparent now.. like we ripped the bandaid off

[@therearenoshortcuts9868]

the massage industry is at an all time high until we hit covid...

[@santiagoperez2094]

It is, but not from men, from women. Feminism, specially third wave, tells women that being femenine and being a woman its bad, and that they should be men with careers.

[@an6350]

@@santiagoperez2094 hmm im not sure if misogny is specifically about masculinity and feminity or male and female. I think what ur talking about with radical feminism is masculinity vs femininity. The feminist movement doesnt want women to be men, it wants them to be masculine (i think that's the word u meant instead of "men"). That's the problem i have with even the title of feminism, because real feminism should be the encouragement of femininity and females in general, not the movement for masculine traits.

[@susanstohelit3114]

@@an6350 Feminism doesn't want women to be masculine or to be men. Modern, intersectional feminism is about allowing everyone to be themselves and not live in fear because of what or who they are

[@9Nikko8]

as a woman I sometimes feel like I'm too soft to survive too

[@hillmanhung3846]

Well, then find someone who's a little harder than you and try to copy him/her. Good luck, be brave and don't give up!

[@unyieldingmonotony4453]

You are a pretty woman. Pick a dude and set up shop in his life. ez mode.

[@Sizzlor1337]

@@unyieldingmonotony4453 And funnily enough it does not have to be a very masculine man. In my experience soft women awaken a ton of masculinity in me (a softie)

[@hikikomori_3708]

@@unyieldingmonotony4453 tf kind of advice is this

[@unyieldingmonotony4453]

@@hikikomori_3708 Advise based on the behaviour of most pretty women.

[@hysorn5266]

Shit, I remember crying a lot growing up and being told by everyone, be them family, friends, teachers, classmates etc to suck it up. My whole family would often compare me to my cousin(who is younger than me in fact, if only by a few months) as he kinda just seemed to adapt to life a hell of a lot easier than me if anything. He stopped crying earlier, he started drinking milk in a cup earlier, he overall seemed more prone to take risks, he likes sports and cars and all that jazz and I don't know, I think shit like that completely shattered my confidence, at the very least I stopped crying(Well, except when I am drunk or thinking about my mother that passed away) as I overall don't feel much of anything on a daily basis. I've always identified myself as a man, so far I've only ever liked women, but I never felt "manly" I suppose. I pushed potential relationships away because of this as well as started hating myself for not being manly enough, I still often wonder if I have some kind of low testosterone related issue or whatever. In the end, all I know is that it definitely took a toll on my development during my late childhood and teenage years, now here I am, a 20 year old who can't do shit and is not even sure what his true personality even is.

[@Jact1999]

honestly same my guy. Different upbringing but perfectly relate to the issues you mentioned, literally word for word that last sentence ( except I'm 22 ). Shit can get rough but keep pushing through, after moving out just recently my life is slowly improving despite the fact that I am living paycheck to paycheck and have arguably more stress and depressive episodes. And yet somehow, I can feel I am moving in the right direction. Point I'm trying to make is that if you keep moving forward, I'm sure that a path will open for you just like it did for me. Keep at it champ

[@hahahahahohohoho5085]

Theres no such thing as “feeling manly”, you only ever “feel” as yourself. For whatever purpose, they are just trying to make you hate yourself. Part of growing up is to learn to flip them off any move on with your life. People are judgmental due to their own insecurities, and nothing else.

[@trappart9209]

Be honest with yourself and people. Don't avoid risk, learn on your mistakes. There is always something you can learn. Don't force yourself to be "manly" or any other idea. Explore yourself and the world. Life is not all sweet, but it is also not all bad. You are becoming more competent in being a human being. Keep going, be open minded, remember that you (and every other people) make logical mistakes in our perception of the world. Learn about logical mistakes which lead to low self worth and pain. Pain is a signal that you are being wrong in your particular ideas

[@MinishMilly]

You're 20, there is still enough time to find yourself, just explore different things, you'll find something eventually. ^^

[@KD-ou2np]

Everyone is different... whether you are a man or not, kids develop at different rates, they respond to things differently. Our differences are what make this world so beautiful and awesome to be in. I know that sounds like a loaded term but seriously, we wouldn't have so much awesome music if it werent for tons of men who sang about their feelings and wore glitter and shit, while having huge hair. Dance, art, music, these are all things that are appreciated by many, and created by many. For whatever reason in the past 100yrs in the western world masculinity has been completely distorted and imprisoned in this tiny little box. But for thousands of years society has existed with hard working buff women doing labor, men who spent all day on intricate crafts and arts, men who fought violent wars, women who cared for children and homes. There is so much variety in the human experience and the most wonderful thing you can do is lean into what you are, not what random ppl think you should be. To do that you have to understand who you are though, and that might take time. I wish you luck in that.

[@ryanviningtube]

It is possible to be hyper masculine and hyper feminine at the same time. Case in point: David Bowie

[@JLchevz]

Absolutely, I think both traits are in everyone just in different degrees but they're not totally incompatible. Embracing both sides makes for a complete human being.

[@1x93cm]

If David bowie had been working a normal wagie job he would just be a weird creepy loser. Luckily his musical artistry saved him.

[@ryanviningtube]

@@1x93cm Wealth, fame, power, and talent are certainly instant hooks to success with women. But attitude and confidence are pretty dang powerful too, and anyone can acquire those with enough effort

[@oOImpulseOo]

Well done sir. I have another one for you. Prince.

[@Meraxes6]

Dr K also has a really good balance of masculine and feminine. He speaks with authority and will call you on your shit, and at the same time shows care, emotion and vulnerability. I think everyone should strive to have a healthy balance of both.

[@shanereynolds8651]

Hate that the ideal man is taught to feel ashamed of his feminine and/or submissive side. I've been looking for a bf like this forever. This pressure broke up my last 2 relationships because my ex couldn't accept themselves. Didn't matter that I loved them the way they were.

[@outkast505]

I appreciate that you did the "feminine and/or submissive side" and explicitly seperated the two. I think people tend to view the both characterstics as synonymous far too often.

[@muhammadaulia8070]

Ya but reality dont works like ur opinion. Girl and woman love man reliable. So yeah feminine and submissive side arent reliabke

[@d.trubre5216]

@@muhammadaulia8070 prtty sure the guy is a dude

[@ponponpatapon9670]

@@muhammadaulia8070 i guess individual differences can't exist because "reality dont works[sic] like ur opinion"

[@Ailieorz]

@@muhammadaulia8070 completely and utterly wrong. "Reliability" has nothing to do with gender

[@lulsegedadmasu2857]

Damn, I appreciate the honesty. Not many will admit to the reality at hand. Thank u for that! I felt like I was mad or sth but I saw it too. People say all the good righteous stuff and u see those same ppl acting against their own principles.

[@playinsanity5133]

"Women get pooped on for having masculine traits in the workplace... mostly by women by the way." This is something that my old professor experienced in my university. She's from Saint Lucia in the Eastern Carribean and she mentioned in class once that she experienced discrimination (both in terms of gender traits and race) from her female colleagues more than she did from her male colleagues. It's really unfortunate.

[@labibrashidinan9868]

My mother talks a lot about this too how a lot of prejudice and parts of patriarchy is upheld by women. She literally says a woman's worst enemy can only be a woman. It's truly unfortunate.

[@SemekiIzuio]

@@labibrashidinan9868 yes women can be very cruel, we project alot and it goes for both genders.

[@eliesh3833]

Toxic femininity...

[@thats4thebirds]

Can confirm my wife loves my emotions and expressing them. Get out there and be soft and friendly and open and emotional. The world needs more kind and caring people and examples for other men to feel comfortable being those things too.

[@thats4thebirds]

What’s really the game, is how generations have convinced the world that anger doesn’t qualify as being emotional, while also saying righteous anger is masculine as hell, but being emotional is not.

[@LRM12o8]

Word. It's always been weird to me how women would often mock/complain about men lacking empathy and not having emotions, yet everyone is telling men (especially young men) to be tough and not let emotions get in the way of whatever man's gotta do. Quite an obvious conflict of interests there, yet nobody seems to question this gender stereotype they push. Same thing happens the other way around, too: most men seek a woman who hasn't had "too much sex"/"too many partners" before, yet once they're in a relationship they complain that she seldomly wants sex! 🤷‍♂️ Y'all gotta check what you're asking for! 😂

[@TsukiNoMilkshake]

Op sounds like an awesome guy. I hope he'll get to overcome the pressure of society's dumb expectations.

[@Pssst.ByTheWay]

the road to self acceptance is long and hard for most of us. minus narcesstic people. chads, ceos, etc they think they are the greatest from day one. the rest of us a re instinctually programmed to seek zo fit into the group. we are social animals and not being part of a group is anguish.

[@lothara.schmal5092]

@@Pssst.ByTheWay Narcissists are prob the people who accept themselves the least in this world, so much so they invent delusions abt their “value” just so they can live

[@opssoldier3316]

Hmmm. I’ve always been a soft person but i don’t think it matters because I’ve also been a hard person. Being able to be both is important as a man because no one will stand up for you or provide support in certain situations (sometimes the opposite sex actually demands it), and that’s just my natural experience compared to what I’ve seen from women.

[@fopipilop]

Women deal with different bullshit, also from men. I don't think it's just women who enforce gender norms

[@opssoldier3316]

@@fopipilop my statement wasn’t designed for contest.I’m speaking from my own reality and experience, which I think was the goal of this video posted by Doctor K. Doctor K said in this very video that it wasn’t designed for contest.

[@fopipilop]

@@opssoldier3316 Apologies, neither was mine. I was saying that you aren't alone in feeling this, and that many women actually feel many similar pressures. It can manifest in them acting badly, just like men can act badly in gender dynamics.

[@ItsYourBoiUhh]

May i add : its ok for a man to ask for support. Even though I very much share your experience, where my partner would demand emotional support but provide barely any herself. It sucked and chipped away my confidence and feeling of manly-ness, but i got out of that relationship and i am now a lot more open and supported by my new partner. As Doc said, some people will make you feel un-manly for being a certain way but others will see it as a strength and appreciate you for it. You don't need to be hard or soft to be a king, be yourself !

[@KxNOxUTA]

You need feminism, dear. Look for feminists. It's exactly the issues that are addressed. And from there, just as it's unfortunately somewhat our work to bring awareness to the systemic disregard, it's unfortunately somewhat necessary for you to start advocating for males to develop emotionally safe spaces amongst each other and to get on the way of healing the whole big ass area of "internal affairs", aka emotional, mental, physical self-care, spiritual, if possible, too. It's because they're neglected that you fibd no support. And it's because we women have a nasty load of bad experiences with standing up for men, that pathway is still repressed. The idiots in your involuntary peer group are giving you a really bad reputation and stigma. And that needs to change. So be aware the hurdles are higher for you in this specific area and that means more preparation & prior investment is needed.

[@zensenpai6669]

I've always been that innocent soft person, kind of like a cinnamon roll. Grew up as one and it never left me to this day. One thing I really learned is to be brave. You may be a person that's prone to being afraid or scared easily but remember to stay strong, it can save your life one day. Think of Courage the cowardly dog for example. There are also other sides to your personality, you never know what advantage you might have under your sleeve. My desire to be brave has turned me into a thrill seeker now.

[@mofire5674]

He's clearly in very uncomfortable territory, but like he said, at lesst he's trying. A lot of us who have been largely unaffected by gender norm dynamics and whatnot for our life don't really know how to address these things, except by trying to be kind and learn.

[@Astro2024]

How have you not been affected in some way by gender norms? They are present in almost every facet of society whether that be home, school, work, media, etc

[@l0kk016]

@@Astro2024 a lot of people just fit the norms because they are norms for a reason, even if you are not a Chuck Norris or a "gigachad" you won't have much problem with "manliness" if you're close to average... On the other hand social media and politics are putting a lot of focus on gender, so a girl is not jealous of her boss because he's rich and in a higher rank, but because he's a dude... What's I'm trying to say is, you can lable a lot of things as "gender norms" but the real problem isn't the broad ones, are the specifics... (Like the dude on this vid)

[@Evocatari]

@@Astro2024 Unaffected in the sense that we usually conformed to those expectations and thus weren't often judged. Most men don't fall out of line with the way they're expected to be, because a lot of those ways tend to be how they naturally are

[@MsSomeonenew]

@@Evocatari Nope, they don't fall out of line because there is hell to pay if you do. If you imagine it's "all good" then check the suicide rates...

[@Evocatari]

@@MsSomeonenew I would advise against projecting. Not every single man is the way they are because they're afraid of what'll happen to them if they act another way. Many men simply are that way. Standards and expectations didn't come from nowhere. They exist because it's how most men are, which is why there's a line to fall out of in the first place. You need to establish a norm before people can be judged for contradicting it

[@newgaim]

As a girl, I can promise you guys that most of us aren't into hyper masculine men. We want normality and authenticity. "Girly" things like smelling nice is something that should just be standard, not "feminizing".

[@newgaim]

@Gustavo Statistics show a lot of bs too because people lie. Please be more open-minded.

[@strathmore5267]

I agree to the notion of smelling nice. Having great hygiene, e.g smelling nice, shouldn't be regarded as "girly" or "manly", it's just being a healthy human being. I like being manly, it helps me to know I can take care of my brothers and my mum.

[@KerberosVal]

@@newgaim cap. Stats are as reliable as they go. When taking a survey they have NO reason to lie.

[@cosmolutra]

I think we are unique persons after all :3 it's quite easy to categorize Things into two categories. But whatever i still Like Cats more then dogs. Still i Like dogs too. I have to admit though i got the Feeling women have better regulation of their Feelings and better emotional Support Generally speaking. So Sure WE man are physically stronger then women, but we need you Woman probably more then you can Imagine ❤

[@raze956]

isnt it weird that the hyper masculine men dont have trouble finding woman, while the soft and sensitive men often get rejected and live a love- and sexless life. i wonder why that is.

[@NFSMAN50]

I relate to this too. I am a neurodivergent man, and on the myers briggs test, I recently tested as INFP. I've always struggled with modern masculinity, because I was always sensitive, friendly, easily hurt, kind, loving, soft-spoken, which are frowned upon in male societies. I have a easier time talking to women and befriending women than men. I was mostly raised by my mom and female siblings and relatives and it had an influence on me. I was made fun of for crying lots as a boy, having emotions and was told to man up, stop being a little girl and stop being so sensitive. In ways im still very masculine and tough too: Im not afraid to stand up for myself and what I believe in, im not scared to protect those that I care about online and IRL, and if I need to get into confrontation about things I will do so, and I know how to operate a vehicle, build things, mow lawns, take out the trash and repair stuff. I still love masculine things such as cars, tech, architecture etc, but I also liked feminine things too as well. Surprisingly, women online here, IRL have loved my personality, and surprisingly felt calm and safe around me, because i'm very non-judgemental, accepting, and im not a arrogant prick. To heck with traditional gender norms.

[@NFSMAN50]

@Engie It's one of the Myers briggs 16 personality types. They are nicknamed the Mediator type.

[@kanucks9]

So you're saying you have many positive traits, and one negative one that people made fun of you for. I fail to see how crying less would make you any worse of a person.

[@OwningAuthenticity]

"The expectations put on men just aren't something I can follow and it feels like I'm failing my social role every single day." I can wholeheartedly say I used to feel like this, as a masculine of center woman. Gender has been Fascinating (note the capital F lol) me lately and I so appreciated this video. "All Gender Is False." BRILLIANT and exactly summarizes the conclusion I've been trying to synthesize!!!!! For all of your videos, thank you so much!

[@JLchevz]

What even makes a real man? What is masculinity really? I read King Warrior Magician Lover and I loved how they treat masculinity (TLDR it's in everyone and it's the capacity to solve problems and sometimes guiding others towards better goals, not overcompensating for insecurities like some people think).

[@Meraxes6]

I like the idea that masculinity and femininity are two sides of the same coin, like yin and yang, exhale and inhale, tension and release. All of us have both in different proportions, and if we all try to strengthen the good parts and minimize the toxic parts of both in ourselves, and find balance between them, we'll be healthier and happier. Some people need to strengthen their masculine side if they have trouble standing up for themselves, getting shit done, etc. Other types of people need to strengthen their feminine side if they're arrogant, uncaring, etc. To me it's a concept that isn't really related to gender. I know this isn't what people usually mean when they talk about it, but I choose to think of it this way.

[@offensivearch]

KWML is a good book, so is Iron John (one of KWML's inspirations). We shouldn't pretend masculinity is an arbitrarily constructed concept.

[@outkast505]

Personally, from a biological standpoint, I think masculinity is simply the propensity to be protective, whereas femininity is the propensity to be nurturing. They're not mutually exclusive and usually occur in everyone to varying degrees. Both take a deal of assertiveness and strength because you need to be someone who takes initiative and risks being vulnerable under both circumstances. Neither indicate weakness nor irrationality. To me, everything else aside from that is just a biproduct of traditional gender roles. Alsooo, no one is less of a man or a woman for being one or the other. This is just what makes most sense to me.

[@offensivearch]

@@outkast505 I could disagree with that (and I do - I think both masculinity and feminity have more of a biological basis than what you described), but even if I were to agree protectiveness and nuturing maternalism are both profound concepts. They are like seeds that can sprout giant trees of possibilities as I think even you started to go into there. Are the emnations of these core attributes just "traditional gender roles" (whatever that means)? I think this is hand wavey and doesn't really answer the question of where these traits / norms come from (after all society is just a group of individuals all driven by their biology). In my view the leaves on this tree are biological characteristics built on the foundation of the more increasingly more fundamental branch, trunk, root, and seed aspects. The fact that societies organized to (largely unconsciously) develop norms about these biological drives doesn't imply the biological foundation isn't what is primary here. In other words, there would be no societal traditional gender roles if they didn't emnate from our biology first. You can say that the gender roles are changing. Judging from by the immense amount of endocrine disruptors in our environment from the pharmaceutical/petroleum/plastics industries in recent years as well as the decreasing average serum testosterone levels, so are our biologies. I think these biological/environmental changes are what are driving the appearance of societal change. In reality nothing is really changing, we are being driven by our biology as we always are.

[@outkast505]

@@offensivearch you're free to disagree :) And to answer your question, I do believe that traditional gender roles are emanations of those core attributes. As mentioned on your reply to my comment in another thread, people largely refer to "traditional gender roles" as if it were universal. There are many cultures and civilizations that don't adhere to that dichotomy. Moreover, I do believe that being nurturing/protective often has a greater propensity depending on biological sex. With that, imo, it's not difficult to see how this in combination with the resulting biological mechanisms (such in reproduction) led to the development of traditional gender roles evident today. Of course the social constructs are influenced by biology. These roles may have served as useful in the context of the hunter/gatherer epoch and industrial (in certain societies) but we've advanced since then. And to be quite frank, traditional gender roles don't serve a lot of men and women. Of course, some people prefer dynamics within the framework of those gender roles, while others don't. They no longer serve the purpose that they once may have, which is why culture is shifting to be more accommodating of people who don't fit in the rigid standards of what it means to be a certain gender. Genetics don't work deterministically, but rather probabilistically. So even if the environmental factors you speak of is personally not a convincing catalysist cultural shift. For one, it doesn't match up with the timeline for strides towards gender equality globally. Plus, they're largely correlational, not causational.

[@4xzx4]

The personality trait "agreeableness" is also something to factor in since it shapes your temperament. On average, women are more agreeable than men, so if you're a man with high agreeableness then 1) it's okay, it's a personality trait you can't control anyway and 2) you can still be masculine even if you are high in agreeableness. There are some women who have low agreeableness as well (which essentially is disagreeableness) making them have a more masculine temperament. Just wanted to bring this up.

[@amaurys93]

Thank You this was objective and cleared some personal questions of Mine relating My experiences. I am high in agreeableness compared to most men on average and have difficulty with that because of cultural norms.

[@hillmanhung3846]

Well, sometimes it helps to be a little disagreeable. As you get older, you notice that almost everything is best when in moderation, including being agreeable. If you're too agreeable, you might end up agreeing to things you do not want to do. If you do that too much you'll become resentful, and that's not good at all. At the minimum, you need to develop the strength of character to say no and mean it. Tbh I've no idea how old you are, but good luck out there, hope I shed light on something

[@kxyoto8541]

Agreeableness is absolutely something you can control because it's something boys and girls were socialised to do. No one was born being more authoritative and being more of a pushover.

[@4xzx4]

@@kxyoto8541 Not true. It is a personality trait. However, setting boundaries is another topic.

[@bradleycarrington9093]

As someone who is a future house husband at heart, this gave me a bit of hope 😂

[@notaburneraccount]

Have you watched Way of the Househusband? I love it so much 😊

[@bradleycarrington9093]

@@notaburneraccount I've heard of it! I have to start it 😂

[@sthaim1920]

yikes

[@notfunny3397]

@@notaburneraccount but isn't that dude like the literal poster child of masculinity?

[@banina1836]

I'm a bisexual woman and my straight fiancé is very in touch with his feminine side; he hasn't played w dolls as a kid or "hyperfeminine" things, but he's not afraid to cry, is in touch with his emotions, cooks & he's shorter than I am. I'm just happy he's a healthy mix of femininity and masculinity & comfortable with himself. People who are themselves in this type of way are absolute Chads. Just like James from pokémon.

[@seadee2834]

being short is not masculine xd

[@llDbGll]

I hate this phrase, but we need to normalize cooking. You aren't less of a man if you know how to cook, you're less of a person if you DON'T know something as basic and important as cooking. I know people who are in their twenties and don't know how to boil an egg or do omelettes. That isn't manly, that's sad.

[@novustalks7525]

Love this

[@awsambdaman]

@ llDbGll yeah it’s the same for changing a tire. Like if a girl can’t change a tire..bro..that’s not a flex

[@donnyyasu2764]

I hate say it but alot of women say they would date a guy like that, but would probably dump him later for not being masculine enough, or are just saying it to be nice, or don't want to be attacked for saying no. I can't count the times I watch women give the sensitive guy a chance, they are happy with how they get along but the 'spark' isn't there. The spark is always masculine attraction.

[@CapsLock959]

Do you have any actual sources to back that up? That honestly sounds like incel dogma

[@donnyyasu2764]

@@CapsLock959 It's not a field of objective science, so I don't know what kind of what randomized control trial you're expecting. If it means that much of you to insult people you don't know, go search for stories yourself.

[@99sins]

@@CapsLock959 would that even be something you can objectively source to? I know from the friends I had growing up that this was a common occurrence. Think of the weird dehumanizing fetishization of the 'gay best friend' trope. It's kinda like that but worse since you (in this case my friends) tend to have to pull double duty on being sensitive and strong when the moment calls for it. Idk about the whole 'spark' talk shit but what I notice is that a lot of girls still have old school expectations going into relationships due to social conditioning and a severe lack in a sense of 'having to pick up the slack' so they aren't going to fill in the masculine role when you need it and are gonna feel disappointed when they need it and you can't bring it. None of this because of some malicious dogma among women but more just simply that there is very little in terms of societal pressure for women to think otherwise, let alone any proper information/representation of masc-level supportive women (that aren't fetishized as shouta dommy mommy, etc. stuff) with soft and sensitive needy men. Most I tend to see with masc-girls in media is a kind of lone-wolf type that dominates the femboy rather than takes care of them. If you know any do let me know. Be careful how fast you dismiss something as 'incel dogma'; You're just as likely to reinforce toxic elements of 'all this shit' through turning a blind eye.

[@CapsLock959]

@@99sins of course you can source it. You take surveys of different populations. That's the basis of sociology. Dr K literally did a survey in this video (admittedly under poor test conditions) to prove a point which was the majority of women in the chat would be interested in dating the dude in question. Making broad statements about society based on anecdotes from your buddies and (pardon me but its pretty obvious) projecting your own insecurities onto a population is the path of a fool. The idea that only a specific type of hetero guy can get girls is absolutely incel dogma. As I recommended before, Contrapoints has a wonderful video on this.

[@ileutur6863]

@@CapsLock959 lol go touch grass and interact with actual people. I have seen so many people get dumped the moment they show insecurity and weakness in front of their partner. Many comment threads in here mention it too. I don't care what that mentally ill youtuber thinks, this shit is real.

[@amaurys93]

Wow this video resonates. I am a man who has lived with two sisters and a mother My whole life without a father. I was sexually abused and raped by another man, a family member for years when Young. I am also bicurious or confused about My heterosexuality and masculinity. I don’t know who I am some days and feel inadequate.

[@hillmanhung3846]

If you don't know who you are, trying observing yourself. Really try to notice what you are like from an outside perspective. What do you do in response to what's happening. Maybe also ask people what they think of you. If you're feeling inadequate, then try to improve yourself. Find a goal to look forward to, take reference from people you look to if needed. Then make a plan, then keep working at it. I'm probably writing this for myself cause of projection and stuff, but I hope it helps, if at all

[@tpalabra6568]

It's hard to do, specially under your circumstances, but through mental process you should disassociate importance from gender and sexuality. Gender doesn't and will never define you, your actions do. If you ever feel confused about who you are, do something good for the people you love, or try and improve yourself through placing reasonable goals and accomplishing them. Doesn't matter how confused you are, you probably have the person you'd like to aspire to be in your head, little by little try to get there even if you believe it's unrealistic. Even if you never get there you are allowing yourself to be what you want to be, and that's a huge burden off your back. Just wipe gender off your head as a concept. You'll know who's the right one when you find and meet them thoroughly anyways. They may be male, female, or anything in between, it doesn't really matter as long as it's someone that makes you feel happy, supported and accomplished. Idk if this is any help but good luck with your situation!

[@xavierpantig1772]

Ludwig: THE PLAN IS SIMPLE dr. K: THE REASON IS SIMPLE

[@Oceaniac]

7:03 Girl here 🖐 literally this whole time I was listening, I thought “what a perfect guy” lol

[@christlover5033]

He seems like a solid being. Love & Peace -Amen

[@confidantduk]

Side note, I can tell Dr K. is really cautious that he can't do what he does without walking a tightrope. He's trying his best and we can help by adding to the conversation in a balanced way so that those most hurt in society don't take it out on him. We care share the load together!

[@devineleven514]

I'm so glad I'm not alone in this. Thank you for this. So MUCH.

[@Lily-wd7dz]

You have no idea how much this video spoke to me. I feel almost the same as the guy in the post except I actually like the part of me that is more feminine, but I just fear how other people will treat me because of it if I express it more. Gotta say, that ending was hilarious as well.

[@DeMafiaGirl]

It's sad when men stuff down their emotions and their "soft side" cause as a woman I'd love a man like that. Here I am ready to accept and love a man who is soft but these men are nowhere to be found because they're just not allowed to be that way. It sucks.

[@HibiTeamQueso]

Do you honestly believe that? Cause I see that a lot of women say they want X when they actually want Y and go with Y. I'm geniunly asking, like, have you ever loved a man like that? Have you tested your theory? Soft men are seen as weak and unattractive. You can't find this type of man cause they get destroyed. I am very soft and sensitive but in no way am I ever gonna show that again to a woman. I don't wanna get crushed again. Btw I am not saying that you are lying or something like that, I don't know how to phrase all of this without sounding rude 😂

[@eonstar]

@@HibiTeamQueso I feel like you're not seeing people as individuals...

[@vladys5238]

@@HibiTeamQueso I notice a lot of people who say what you did assimilated soft side with lack of confidence. If you are unconfident about your "soft" side and feel very bad about showing it.. When you do show it it won't be attractive cause you don't do it with confidence you're feeling uncomfortable doing it. It's much harder to be confident in doing things that violate your gender role and much easier to be confident in a hypermasculine image. But if you can become confident in you for who you are, even being "soft" there's no way there won't be women attracted to that.

[@HibiTeamQueso]

@@eonstar that's why I'm asking. You can't claim something without proofs

[@HibiTeamQueso]

@@vladys5238 I get your point but I kinda disagree. To give you an example, you can't be crying and be confident at that. It's just not compatible by definition

[@CheezersDeluxe]

Tbh I'm a man and can proudly say I cry all the time. If something makes you upset the weird thing to do would be to not get upset at it. I don't trust people who's actions don't match what they say or feel. Just be yourself.

[@XeroxSDK]

The actually hilarious stress on drK face is so relatable when your trying to help but your just so fed up with the problem 🤣🤣

[@Moose92411]

It took real, serious guts to address a gender dynamics question so directly online. Well done.

[@ecclecticsayonce5131]

Makes me sad cause it’s never gonna be solved

[@Moose92411]

@@ecclecticsayonce5131 i don't know that that's true. The number of people displaying awareness of gender is increasing in my experience

[@ecclecticsayonce5131]

@@Moose92411 cross my fingers that I’m wrong, this guy had to verbally navigate a field of lasers to even acknowledge that men have unique problems in society and even that’s being met with controversy.

[@handsomebear.]

Every time someone wants to talk about male issues they have to give a long disclaimer first to try prevent people getting triggered lmfao. No wonder men don't like talking about their issues publicly. Every time you see someone do that it reinforces the idea that you have to protect _other peoples_ feelings before addressing your own, i.e. your issues are less important so you better have a damn good reason to talk about them in public lest the rest of us get annoyed.

[@hazardousjazzgasm129]

Great comment

[@IamBrixTM]

Yeah that’s true. I’m pro-feminist/egalitarian but like damn. Don’t assume I’m discarding women’s struggles just cuz I’m talking about Men’s struggles. We can walk and chew gum at the same time. Late reply but still you right

[@swagmund_freud6669]

I relate to OP a lot in a way... I'm definitely a more feminine, "soft" kinda guy. I'm bisexual, in touch with my emotions, like feminine coded things, etc. I've experienced some of the pressure to be masculine, but it's never really been that bad for me in most regards, and I'm very confident it's because my mother is an avid feminist who instilled in me those values that it's perfectly fine, scratch that - righteous, to turn away from gender norms in favor of how you truly feel the person inside you is. I like some masc things and some fem things, it doesn't really matter. My recommendation to people feeling like their too "soft" to be a man is to find an environment of people who embrace that "softness" (being bisexual helps a lot because the LGBTQ community is the perfect place to find this attitude).

[@sthaim1920]

Being soft is fine, it's about how you take responsability in times of need. Sometimes being soft makes you weak and that's when there needs to be a change. Get strong (physically and mentally) and keep your soft side for the good times. Don't lie and be trustworthy. You don't even have to be "manly" just be a force to be reckoned with.

[@AceKite00]

I lift weights, am very courteous to women, I like cars, enjoy some rap and metal, and am not afraid of any sort of confrontation be it mental or physical. I enjoy all types of anime, listen to girly pop songs, can be very romantic and emotional, love cuddling dogs, cats, and talking about penguins, and have been in a few relationships in my life. To all my fellow men out there, seriously, just do you. Anyone got any sort of issue with you, screw em. It’s your life, not theirs.

[@inquisitionagent9052]

Ah. I see you are a man of culture too

[@99sins]

I think a lot of dudes 'just do you' until they get bombarded with bullshit while not having a support network to rely on.

[@AceKite00]

@@99sins It comes from learning how to be strong in your solitude; Even welcoming the solitude. Once we reach a point where we're happy on our own, we are nearly untouchable. It also helps to have at least one or two friends to reliably speak with. If you don't have friends like that, look around and go get em. There's an unbelievable amount of people out there who'd rather be with someone they aren't fully into, JUST to not be alone and wallow in their own sadness and insecurities. That's how breakups happen, it's how divorces happen, and it's where, frankly, most of humanity's issues stem from.

[@iiCounted-op5jx]

@@AceKite00 damn that last part of ur comment was very eye opening

[@Viccenzoleonardo]

This is such a great video, hope it reaches a good amount of ppl

[@MatthewKingpin]

This poster really needs to look into Kanji Tatsumi - AKA the "Best Boy"

[@legendaryboss54]

I’m trans and so it feels like I’m in a negotiation with society about how much of traditional masculinity I buy into in order to fit into a society that already does not like me and refuses to see me as who I am. I have come to the conclusion that if the world won’t accept me no matter what then I’m just gonna do me. Takes the stress off of me anyway. Most women won’t date me anyway. Also, people lie in those polls, people want to believe they would stick around and date a bisexual non hypermasculine guy but the reality is that it’s fine in theory but practice is always something else. That isn’t to say women are evil liars just that most people don’t know what they’re getting into and aren’t always prepared. I’ve become pretty jaded to this stuff I will say, I wouldn’t say I’m cynical though. I wish there was some advice that could be given to people like me, but the reality is that most people would not date me. It’s a difficult thing to be faced with, I am working on letting go of that need for romantic relationships. It’s not impossible for me, I’ve had a few relationships. But as I enter adulthood and my peers do the same they start to conform, they don’t want to lose their family over who they date, some of them want children. All these things are valid, doesn’t make it easier though.

[@liviousgameplay1755]

"If you don't send d pics to your mom, you shoudn't send them to anyone!" Dr. K Left brain: Now chat won't send d pics to anyone, epic win :D Dr. K Right brain: Now chat will send d pics to EVERYONE! Oh no! :

[@hoodzieboy]

I’m frustrated by everything, the way that both men and women try to enforce gender norms on themselves and others, I’m tired of feeling like a victim who doesn’t deserve the title of a victim. Im so done with being told that my generation is soft when in reality we are brave, brave enough to think, and talk to each other. I have so many thoughts and feelings that I feel I can’t express without being publicly stoned.

[@crystal_pepsi]

Damn Dr. K why you gotta do Michael Cera like that

[@mileshigh9298]

"Just be yourself" they say IF WE COULD WE WOULD OMG STOP

[@mrmooch2163]

Does anyone else just completely zone out and fly away when Dr.K says "MY-sogony" or "copy pasta" 😂

[@yankochoynev652]

Whats wrong with his sogony?

[@Littlevampiregirl100]

@@yankochoynev652 i dont really pay attention to these mistakes personally as long as the word is understood, but to clarify, misogyny's 'i' is pronounced the same way as the 'i' in history or in sing, not as y

[@yankochoynev652]

@@Littlevampiregirl100 ok

[@pebble312]

whats wrong with “copy pasta”, that’s literally what they are called

[@Pensive_Scarlet]

I think one of the greatest challenges facing "softer" men is the fact that there are no women out there willing to be providers, etc. Even the independent women with careers and nice salaries and such aren't looking for anything but a man who makes more than them. Men are so often only valued for a certain few characteristics that, realistically, not every person born with testicles is going to have. Simply put, in the modern heterosexual dating world, men are basically only valued for their finances and abilities. People don't want a person to have a relationship with, they want a human resource that acts as a source of money and hard work.

[@sandon819]

You're on point.

[@hazardousjazzgasm129]

BINGO

[@nemojob666]

Spot on! I wonder if there is a woman here who can rebut this.

[@rupert909]

As a man, I don't want a woman that doesn't "want a person to have a relationship with, but a human resource that acts as a source of money" ... If by being soft you repel these human sized mosquitoes, then that's a blessing. Claiming there are "no women" who aren't vultures, is ridiculous.

[@Pensive_Scarlet]

@@rupert909 Yeah, obviously I was speaking in generalizations, but I did at least specify "in the modern heterosexual dating world". Like, in general, there are plenty of women who aren't like that. There are, in fact, way more women out there who have much healthier attitudes toward other human beings. They're not the ones flocking to the straight dating sites (whether those be websites or physical locations), though. Also, a number of these healthy people are going to be lesbian or trans or in some way just "part woman" psychologically (like myself) by virtue of simply growing up outside of mainstream social pressures and generally living lives that don't involve being constantly sought after.

[@umberdandelion]

Men think these traits are unattractive and in reality to me and other women it's the opposite

[@1x93cm]

They're attractive for gaining female friends but not necessarily for gaining female partners.

[@bagfootbandit8745]

@@1x93cm Depends on the woman, and depends on the man. When you're talking about statistical trends, there is some hint of truth there, but when living your own life, it's better to figure out who you are and what you like without letting culture affect your decisions too much. That's the only real path to being happy with partner dynamics tbh.

[@yoongitrash2699]

@@1x93cm depends on who your hoping to atrract i guess

[@BitchChill]

That's because they're viewing things from the male gaze, and not female gaze

[@rory-wb9rr]

@@bagfootbandit8745 probability > possibility

[@needy3535]

Im not saying this is the case for this person in particular, but this sounds like a lot of stories you hear in the trans community. A lot of us trans women struggle a lot before we realize who we are with masculinity, trying to be what we were told men are supposed to be. Before last year, if you had asked me if I was trans, I wouldve confidently said no. Gender Dysphoria is not always a huge and powerful feeling. For me it was very subtle. My constant desire to be slim or being uncomfortable in general with my body(not even considering gender was a possibility), Having an urge to wear pants on my waist(unconsciously trying to seem as if I have a feminine frame), always being uncomfortable making friends with men despite not being attracted to men, mostly women friends, traumatic moments as a child where my parents would get upset at me for playing w girl toys or even asking to wear girls clothes. and the of course trying to overcompensate for my masculinity by enlisting, or feigning interest in certain things. My point is the majority of my life, I did not know I was experiencing gender dysphoria or even consider that part of the constant anxiety and doom I felt was because I was pretending to be somebody im not. It wasnt that I wasnt "manly" enough to be comfortable in this role, its that I was never meant to fill that role despite being able to. All of a sudden, that inferiority I felt with my inability to be that masculine person became something I was proud of. All of those traits I had that I was ashamed of suddenly became empowering because I finally understood WHY things were so difficult and WHY they werent clicking. Everybody experiences dysphoria differently, sometimes its subtle, sometimes its extreme. Being transgender in todays world is scary, and there is more misinformation then there is information or even awareness about what these issues even are. Again im not saying this individual IS trans, but I at least wanted to point out the similarities in experiences for the sake of at least getting that information out there. As I said earlier I at 26, didnt even KNOW I was experiencing dysphoria or what it was. being a man is not easy either. Many feel attacked by society because everything they were taught growing up to be a successful guy isnt working. culture has shifted significantly and unfortunately the only people reaching out to young men it seems are far right reactionaries who essentially tell them women and the lgbt community are to blame for everything.

[@NiSE_Rafter]

So about that last point. I used to (regretfully) listen to some of those deep right influential guys like... Crowder or Shapiro and while they don't understand or like LGBT people, they're definitely not blaming everything on that community and women. It's more of just a general nonsense about "the left" ruins everything.

[@needy3535]

@@NiSE_Rafter yes you're absolutely right, sorry about that. I listened to a little of Peterson but I definitely fell into the military culture and mindset for a while which almost defaults pretty right in a lot of cases

[@fghsgh]

Meanwhile me, only recently having started questioning my gender. I have been pretty sure since the past month or so that I am trans, after having lead up to it over the past year. But now this video is making me doubt myself again. Do I want to transition or do I just want to be accepted as a feminine man? On the one hand, the latter won't solve the dysphoria I'm clearly feeling, but on the... okay sorry yeah I'm convinced nevermind.

[@jarofpiss1408]

I felt this, and with all female role models. At the age of 21, I decided to become non-binary. It's the only way I'm able to express who I am, and even tiptoeing close to the word 'man' makes me upset. I knew I couldn't be masculine and I also couldn't be feminine. I'm simply an individual.

[@BygoneT]

You don't have to be non binary to do that, you just kind of, well, live after 1980.

[@JEM_Tank]

I love the analogy at the end, it's so good

[@maruko8324]

Only legends remembered this video was uploaded right after the "Ethics" video.

[@ecclecticsayonce5131]

Bro was choosing his words CAREFULLY. Can’t even have our problems be acknowledged without fifty clauses to keep yourself from getting cancelled lol it’s so hard to maintain a good attitude when you aren’t allowed to be honest about the thing killing you inside because it might step on other peoples toes. I’m trying man but it’s hard

[@Celis.C]

I consider "Gender roles" to be (among) the most crippling aspect(s) of society for self-expression, social interaction and mental well-being.

[@hillmanhung3846]

If we all stopped talking so much about gender roles would it get better?

[@Celis.C]

It's less about the talking and more about not shoving them down people's throats.

[@erosmoreno-garza1795]

(Among) (s)

[@Rikarwb]

I disagree. If you don't fit in, cool, see that as a challenge and it will be the thing that makes you grow the most. Most men fit that gender role, most women fit that gender role, thats just statistics. If you dont, then you a have a change to grow (this comes from a person with social anxiety)

[@Rikarwb]

@@LordiGFX imagine not being able to properly counter argument like a normal human being

[@jackd.rifter3299]

With sexual assault, I've also been saying it doesn't matter what gender the person is getting assaulted, it's still assault. That's how I lost my virginity in fact and my family laughed at me saying I was the first guy to not enjoy sex. Then a woman gets called names and treated like she "asked for it".

[@tobiasL1991]

He went way off the deep end, but he's got a point for sure.

[@wormbag80]

Yep

[@vinanet77]

The problem is not being too masculine or too feminine but being unable to evoke either whenever necessary. It's not a good thing to be a hypermasculine man if you cannot be emotional, empathetic, expressive but it's also not a good thing to be a feminine (soft) man who cannot be tough mentally and physically, evoke authority, aggressiveness and violence WHEN THE SITUATION DEMANDS IT. As people have pointed out, men who are soft in a world that demands men to be tough have had the LUXURY of being soft and as soon as this luxury isn't present anymore they depend on other STRONGER MEN in order to survive. This is the problem, right here, being too soft of a man that you can't stand up for yourself or something you resonate with because the slightest resistance will break your weak ass. If you're a man and you think you're too soft, do martial arts, if you think you're too masculine, practice art for the sake of expressing your emotions (I recommend poetry and dancing). The former will teach you discipline to control your inner aggressiveness and strength, the latter will teach you how to achieve freedom of expression, both will increase your confidence TREMENDOUSLY. Good luck.

[@99sins]

what about not telling a femboy to 'man up' and instead help him be accepted for who he is? Sounds weird to point out how fucked up it is that you need to somehow by the best of both worlds at all times (or at least when the world demands it of you) and then reinforce it by telling fems to man up.

[@keeysOST]

Oh no this one hits close to home. While I don't relate to having feminine hobbies or many female friends, I can really related to feeling like you fail the masculine gender role everyday. Some of my self esteem issues stem from this, and makes me lose alot of confidence because I do not fit what a man should be in my head. It's even harder to talk about it because no guys will take you seriously if you show even an ounce of non masculine behavior, especially online.

[@Rikarwb]

I believe the most manly thing you could do is assume responsibility for what you are. You're feminine ? Cool, own it. As soon as you own it, nobody can touch you. I would also recommend going to the gym and learning how to fight, for everyone men and women

[@andreahirschmann685]

"feeling like you fail the masculine gender role everyday." - that is what gender roles do, nearly no one can fulfill them without getting damaged in one way or another. They are a tool to keep us weak, insecure and separate from one another. Easy to be ruled and influenced by authorities.

[@Adisa_CriticOwl]

The acknowledgement that gender roles are very much alive and well and shape our life is also very nice to see, when it seems like everyone wants to act like we're done with them or something

[@ajuc005]

Seeing "soccer" mentioned as other "womenly" things like dolls and makeup is such a weird experience. It's the exact opposite here (in Europe). It's funny how cultural and arbitrary all of this shit is.

[@khps9176]

As a "hyper masculine" man, "Real man" is simple to define. Masculinity itself is an Extreme Power the oposite of the Feminine. And as Masculinity is a spectrum all men sort of fit on that spectrum somewhere. Being masculine does not mean that you cant like romance or cry. You would still be a "real man", the question is just to what extreme of the spectrum? Personally, i think True Masculinity is knowing who and what you are. To do thins you need some sort of control over what you think of yourself and come to a place of peace in your own mind.

[@JessicaMorgani]

My only problem with dating someone like this (man or woman) would be their incapacity of dealing with problems head on. You don't have to have the values that man had centuries ago, you just need one of them, problem solving. He could study math, game theory, psicology what ever.

[@vinanet77]

That's the biggest turn off of "soft" men for most women. Men like this should balanced themselves out to a state in which they have a tough mind and are able to evoke aggressiveness and violence whenever needed, but keep a tight control over that and STILL be able to be emotional, empathetic, etc. Think of Aragorn, Mufasa or Rocky for examples in popular culture.

[@JessicaMorgani]

@@vinanet77 Oh yes, I am queer person so I see these men as not exactly what I would want but yeah. My thing would really be just a feminine and even submissive guy but who can actually be healthy emotionally. I currently have a guy like that in my life and it's amazing!

[@labibrashidinan9868]

Honestly very well said, couldn't put it better myself. I have a bunch of traits and interests that can be traditionally described as feminine or not masculine but I always had firm grasp of "Manning up" to things. You being a manly man isn't determined by all these random stuff, it's by the fact whether or not you can be a man when it matters and stand ground to solve the problems.

[@inquisitionagent9052]

@@labibrashidinan9868 precisely. Do what you enjoy. But when the time comes you must "man up"

[@99sins]

Sounds pretty toxic imo. A lot to ask from people that have been through shit and probably need support to be able to deal with problems at all, let alone head on. Would you say the same thing (man up when the time comes) to people with mental illness or personality disorders? I think this is what most of the trauma/bs that comes with not fitting into gender roles lead to.

[@keennickolas8575]

People don't treat me like a man, unless they can do or say sth bad to me (for example about men. And it is mega-hurtful ... because the SAME people don't treat me like a man, either). Almost everyone gives me the feeling of "NEVER being enough"! Like, I get projected on by other people!!! ALL the time! ALWAYS! I am so tired of it. And telling them my experience ALWAYS results in an argument about MY perceived reality ... while I trust them, to tell the truth about their lifes ... they don't trust me. It makes me sad. Even my best friends. It is really like this: I don't really care about manliness or non-manliness ... but people keep telling me those things I dunno, if they are serious. I dunno, if it is a made-up argument by them. I keep hearing it from everybody. Either I am not manly enough ... or too manly. And I am always like "dude, when you have a problem with my from you perceived manlyness ... why do you even care to spend time with me? I DON'T NEED TO HEAR this! I already get it from EVERYONE ELSE." :'(

[@Meraxes6]

"Each gender is having to go through this process of identity reformation. As we're mourning and grieving the gender traditions of the past and modernizing there are going to be all kinds of changes." We just need time guys, a few generations, gender norms only recently changed. There are going to be growing pains

[@deadtoy5360]

the human body is less changing. So do we take it to science to alter our physical bodies to be the other gender? Or is self proclaiming that you are the other gender enough to get a free ticket into public gender spaces?

[@offensivearch]

Actually you can look at many societies throughout history with different gender norms than us. They tend to die off. It is not so much that "gender norms are changing" as categorization in general is seen as oppressive in the current zeitgeist. This is largely a top-down imposition rather than a grassroots movement. The vast majority of people don't agree with this agenda and want to live according to their biology (ie most men are masculine and most women are feminine). Hence why "traditional" societies (societies led by families rather than media and government conglomerates) are as they are. IMO there is nothing inherently good with subverting nature, I have no clue why progressives seem to be hell bent on it.

[@hillmanhung3846]

@@deadtoy5360 well, ideas shape people to a very large degree, so we can change the ideas floating around society Also, the quote doesn't specifically talk about changing genders, just how people think about it

[@hillmanhung3846]

@@offensivearch well, societies of the past probably didn't have as much material wealth and stability, so maybe this time around it's slightly different. Women in workforce, from what I hear, is something kinda new, seems to be working so far.

[@offensivearch]

@@hillmanhung3846 It depends on what you mean by "working so far". If all you care about is economic output, it is great to get the largest pool of working people as possible. I think it is less great for things like happiness, community, child rearing, and birth rates. I know that last point is contentious, but you can't argue with declining birth rates and women putting off motherhood to work. You can say less developing countries can pick up the slack, but the same issues will eventually arise in those countries and communties. I'm playing devil's advocate here to some extent. I'm not against women working wholesale, I was speaking more on the fact that progressive seem to want to subvert literally everything (it never ends). The "good" doesn't seem to matter, the consquences on society/children doesn't matter, the natural way is always bad to them. Everyone always has to feel special/ different (whether it is positive or not), things always have to change (whether it is positive or not).

[@Balloonbot]

At least from a dating perspective its interesting how a lot of worlds famous womanizers have been quite feminine, for example Russel Brand or Harry Styles. "But they're rich!" i hear you say - yes but so are a lot of the women they date i.e other multi-millionaire stars like Taylor Swift and Katy Perry. A lot of it is due to confidence, which a lot of men think means stoic and hard hearted. For some women though that's what they want and thats too is fine. What matters is leaning into what you are naturally, and is that easy? Hell no, i know cus i struggle with this - but if you're going to try, do not try and adhere to what you think you should be like what the good Doctor says at 22:35. If anything its about letting go, and i know it sounds abstract, but that release is very scary and there in comes vulnerability and vulnerability ultimately what leads to true confidence. Not the shit that "Charisma on command" teach where its basically tools to mask and avoid ever being in pain. That will come bite you in the ass one day for sure.

[@lectivalzahard8533]

the other argument would be that these men are not womanizers because they are confident or rich but because they are handsome, but thats going to another rabitt hole, what gets me courious about your argument is more about the confidence part, lots of people are not confident for logical reasons, so as worth it as it is to be naturally yourself when that just brings pain?

[@dr.bandito60]

I think the main thing that people find attractive is authenticity. Being feminine or masculine are both fine. People are drawn most strongly to people who seem true to themselves.

[@labibrashidinan9868]

I mean, personally, women have fawned over me when I have dressed up in ways other men would call not manly

[@vincent78433]

we're in this awkward transitionary period for gender roles and it's gonna take a while for things to really be figured out

[@justinhart2831]

that. Had pretty much this exact thought, and I'm so glad someone else thinks so too.

[@jatinchanchlani8982]

To be honest it's going to take shit ton of time and not even a few decades because these are patriarchal norms that has been ingrained in the monds pf children since th day they were born. The education system of most of the countries are fucked up. Schools don't teach this. People who are aware about this, is because of social media. It's a long journey. Us millennials won't be able to witness it, not in this century at least

[@99sins]

@@jatinchanchlani8982 we really are the broken generation.

[@anarkyink1943]

I'm pretty soft too. I break down easily. I've already had brain cancer. And my dad would make fun whenever I close my eyes when they use a syringe on me. "Why aren't you used to needles, yet?" "Who the hell would want to be used to being stuck by needles?" I don't want my manliness to be defined by how much pain and weight I can take or how disposable everything about me is.

[@dr.eldontyrell-rosen926]

I was very gay and very out in college. A pretty close bisexual female friend kissed me at a tipsy college house party not sure whe was trying to convert me or not. I felt nothing, and appreciated it as confirmation of my status as gay :D

[@99sins]

just make out with all your [opposite gender of attraction] friends to prove how hetero/gay you are.

[@984047]

"You do not friend mids who feed" yes, wise words indeed.

[@SoftNapkins]

This was like a conversation I was having with a friend who thought he was evil for being attracted to a girl he really likes Frankly, he is a very honest, emotionally in tune guy who has a lot of extremely positive traits And he genuinely really liked this girl for reasons other than appearance He concluded "Attraction = Shallow = I am shallow" despite it being an involuntary feeling

[@aliteraltuna2421]

11:32 "When we ask 'who cares?' in a rhetorical sense, who cares is you." Bruh.. that caught me off guard.

[@labibrashidinan9868]

You wanna be manly? Own up what you you like. A real manly man does what he does without feeling like their masculinity is hurt.

[@JudahSixteen11]

What if you like being the receiver? Is that manly or masculine? Has it ever been?

[@DaanSnqn]

I like to think I'm quite manly, but I enjoy like half the stuff this guy enjoys. I like books, cute animals. I don't really like movies, but a good poem can make me cry for sure. I also enjoy lifting and Thai boxing, as well as computer programming. When it comes to being a man, there sure is a time and place to be hard and tough, but that only makes sense if there is a time and place to be the opposite. People who are hard and tough all the time, are basically just pretending that they are, because they are insecure about something. This is a form of weakness, not strength. The same thing goes for men who are incapable of being hard or tough, for the same reason. This balance is what masculinity is all about in my opinion. You need to be gentle enough to care for the people around you, and you need to be tough enough to protect them from a real bully.

[@wowcheecho]

A pattern I have seen in my life, is that whenever a parent imposes one of their strict beliefs on their kid, the kid will grow to do or be the opposite. Usually when there are homophobic type parents, the children will grow up to be bi or gay. We should live how we want to but I just wonder how much free choice we actually have if we are pushed very hard one direction growing up. Most kids don’t have much control over their lives so they can only take in traumas or be pushed to or against certain beliefs. I think it’s important to reevaluate our childhoods to see what may have pushed us to be who are today and question if it’s a good or bad thing for us. This is just me thinking out loud. I don’t mean to be disrespectful.

[@Nature_Consciousness]

Sexuality isnt gained, people are already born with their gender and sexual preferences.

[@weabae5910]

@@Nature_Consciousness you arent born with sexual preferences df? Sexuality is most certainly gained through experiences and self retrospection

[@outkast505]

@@Nature_Consciousness although I do believe that there is a genetic facet to sexual preferences, it's also important to acknowledge that preferences can change throughout one's life or as the result of environmental circumstance.

[@Nature_Consciousness]

@@outkast505 There is a difference between sexual preferences and sexuality. People are born with said sexuality, all sexual preferences are gained with life.

[@yoongitrash2699]

@John Jones i honestly don't think any of that makes a whole lot of sense. testosterone and estrogen have no proven effects on sexual orientation, and there is no reason to believe absent fathers are what make gay people. I know gay people who come from healthy and generally supportive families and some who come from absolute chaotic lives since birth. gay people are gay for the same reason straight people are straight - to try finding answers beyond that is kind of unhelpful in my opinion. also, in your opinion what effects people to grow up bisexual or trans?

[@taylorwilson6655]

Maybe controversial. But I think being 'masculine' is incredibly important for the male psyche, ultimately, a healthy body is a healthy mind, you don't have to be a Bodybuilder, but if you put a little bit of muscle on your frame and get some decent strength and running/swimming numbers, you WILL feel better about yourself. Alongside that, being stoic (to a certain extent, if you need help and a talk it's okay to ask) is also important in developing your self worth and better trains your mind to overcome hardship. It's very sad to see social media demonise these things as 'toxic masculinity'. That only really exists if you're horrible girls? If anything someone who is masculine would innately be very courteous and confident around women

[@federruchi6147]

Working out and being healthy is not inherently masculine. Also, toxic masculinity refers to toxic TRAITS that tend to come with masculinity. Repressing your feelings, having a feeling of superiority over women (or everyone else in general), excessive flirting sometimes bordering on sexual harrassment, and also, sexual harrassment, among other things. Anything that's literally toxic about masculinity is what is called toxic masculinity. Not just masculinity as a whole.

[@CapsLock959]

I think I dropped a few IQ points reading this. Fitness and health are in no ways associated with any gender norm. Examples of toxic masculinity would be disparaging someone to appear more "alpha" or degrading women due to their own insecurity. I'm not even sure you've bothered to research the term outside of Twitter.

[@luckersteef7985]

@@CapsLock959 yikes

[@inquisitionagent9052]

@@CapsLock959 working out gets your hormones in check. It definitely affects the sexes in different ways. In males, intensive workout boost testosterone exponentially. And testosterone is known to dull emotions. You literally learn to be more stoic. Youre getting stronger physically AND mentally. This isnt about being alpha male or toxic masculinity. Working out has helped me greatly and you're absolutely wrong in your judgemental thinking

[@CapsLock959]

@@inquisitionagent9052 on what planet does testosterone "reduce emotion"? Body builders who take excessive testosterone experience "roid rage" which are literally feelings of irrational and intense rage due to excessive testosterone. Exercise is associated with contentness as it releases endorphins. Same for men. Same for women. And btw stoics don't dull their emotions (which is actually a form of depression) they just use logical thinking to evaluate situations calmly. You seem to have a lax definition of the word. I didn't say exercise is an example of toxic masculinity the only person to do that was OP being a snowflake and building a strawman so he could whine about it. I pointed out ACTUAL examples of toxic masculinity none of them were related to exercise.

[@yardy88]

Don't worry lads. Chances are life will harden you with time

[@inquisitionagent9052]

Or break you if you dont harden up

[@iiCounted-op5jx]

truth

[@KxNOxUTA]

I think you're doing great in clumsily handling stuff you're nit sure about and helping people with whatever is going on with them. I'm a female feminist and see no need to disregard any person or any problem no matter where in life they are. We can use comparisons to extend our perspective and tune our personal, individual blance. We can talk about systemic issues and individual issues without having to rely on "Whataboutism" and yet make comparisons in order to sort out our perspective. We don't look at the issues of others to assess who's suffering more. It's indeed not a contest and all of it needs space! We do so, however, to be able to let go of suffering that is coming from our own perspective. And we do so, to assess what systemic capacities are currently available or bound somewhere. Because it's crucial for us in order to assess if we're likely talking about "a little walk" or a "marathon". Not to put others down, but to see how to lift ourselves up (alongsides others) and where we may find our support groups or where we need to build them. I really love that you mentioned genders in spirituality. Lol. If anything, there's the Yin & Yang, archaic masculine & feminine, or we could just say idk. green & yellow every. It doesn't matter. The reason why we gender them, is because it tends to be easier for people to imagine something immediately instead of needing very lengthy explanations. But either way all of us - in a healthy balanced state - have the freedom to access the full spectrum of all attributes (including their respective light & shadow aspects). There's no "wrong" balance either. It's contextual and depends on whether it works for us or doesn't work for us. It's not static either. It's changing depending on what we are trying to incorporate. Which means the strive for a functional balance within AND within our outer context. All actions have qualities to them, yet, they can still be done in 1000 different ways. I can smash down a cup, place it moderately, gently or hover it, not daring to set it down at all. A person can do all of these under different circumstances. If I reflect on what helped me most, it's to take in my observations and be ready to let it go. I can see patterns and I'm ready to discard and re-learn them as a person shows change. I know noone. That's why I continuously observe and ask for consent. Obviously that is time consuming. But what's the rush anyway?? Can you imagine how many issues would NOT arise if all of us took the time again to be fully here? If we kept all that is dear very close, but very loosely, so that it could always choose to be with us? What an awesome world that'd be. But heay, we are where we are. We take a step at a time. That is actually enough and the greatest service we can do to ourselves and the world. To care for real. To truly be there as ourselves and give/receive this grace mutually.

[@franacha]

"You are who you are" well, not anymore, I spent my entire adolescence suppressing that person because he was rejected by everyone. Too sensitive, too boring, not assertive enough. Etc. I can completely, accurately say that I died when I was a teen. And over the last decade I've just been a zombie, an autopilot, living a completely empty and meaningless life. I wish I still had in me something alive, some remnant of a living soul. I've long lost the ability to even feel curiosity. Nothing matters, I don't care about anything. I don't like anything. Not only I don't have hobbies, I don't even have interests. I don't have opinions, ideas, I don't desire things for my life, I have no goals and no reason for living. I am truly no one. No person at all, just a human body capable of thinking. A thing that just goes to work and back home, over and over again until the precious time of my death. I wish people like me had the chance not to be born. Life is shit.

[@KD-ou2np]

You ARE who you are because of where you came from, who raised you, your brain chemistry, so many things. You will change over time, and yeah when you're a kid you have to change a lot because kids are trying to figure out how to be adults and how to form relationships with people outside their family. There are people who will like you for you who you are, but you'll never meet them if you keep trying to be a fake version of yourself. It sounds like you are extremely depressed. Your depression is not who you are though. Its insidious, it infects people and takes away their personality and tells them life doesn't mean anything and being alive is pain and just end it. Its not you, its not your fault either. I know the light at the end of the tunnel probably doesn't even seem to exist anymore. But just know that there is a person under there, underneath all the depression thoughts, and if you can work on the depression first, you will eventually be able understand yourself and who you want to be.

[@franacha]

@@KD-ou2np Yeah, there are many things that make who we are, but nevertheless, I lost that person. There is no trail of him within me. I also never changed over time, when through the whole 12 years of school wanting to disappear into the ground, I got to college, failed, my grandmother got me a job, life went on, but I never managed to change. I'm not trying to be a fake version of myself, I am a fake version of myself because my true self died. I was depressed, and I did therapy, but the problem is that I didn't get time to be someone before being depressed, and as a result I had no personality to go back to after I did therapy. That person you say it's underneath, is not. There's just nothing there, just an empty void. There's just no personality left in me. I don't have anything I truly want, any desire to pursue, not even anything that even remotely interests me. The light at the end of the tunnel never ven existed, I haven't experienced hope even once in my entire life.

[@KD-ou2np]

@@franacha have you ever tried medication? Thats a serious question. If its been there as long as you remember that seems like a huge sign of clinical depression. I'm not a doctor I'm just saying that I know people who have experienced depression (me included) and people who have it clinically. And people who have it clinically tend to describe it as lifelong and with similar terms as you. Of course sometimes we can have adverse experienced very very young that affect us too. Anyway my point is, medication could be a path to becoming that person "before you got depressed". It can take time to find the right one but it can be worth it. Also therapy is not about working backwards. The past is the past. It cannot be changed. It can only be accepted. All you have is the present and what you choose to do with it. Therapy is the work you do to move forward, it is not a reset button to before trauma or depression. You are not your depression. It is a straight up lie to say you have no interests, no hopes, no dreams. You do. You're a person. Depression is getting in the way of that.

[@franacha]

@@KD-ou2np Thanks man

[@KD-ou2np]

@@franacha I'm just asking a question. Trying to have an honest conversation with a stranger. Trying to reach out to you... idk what offended you about that.

[@ChibiMalzahar]

bruh the michael cera thumbnail is fucking hilarious

[@F34RI355]

The thumbnail is savage.

[@Andy251153]

As a 4'11" male, most people still respected me as a man and never belittled me for my height. Save for teasing here and there but that never stayed for me. I grow out my hair now, I now constantly get misgendered, especially with a mask. But guess what men and women should be able to be as feminine and masculine as you want. It's so dumb how men are so focused on having to be masculine.

[@Ginglover9000]

Not really. Men wanting to be masculine in 100% natural. Same as women wanting to be feminine. Not all people want to be either, but it's not justifiable to call it dumb.

[@human2137]

@@Ginglover9000 how is it natural? Masculinity and femininity are just made up concepts by humans. It's not dumb to want that because people push u to want that, but I wouldn't call it natural

[@Ginglover9000]

@@human2137 Because masculinity is a term to describe certain attributes, behavior, or roles that a man would have, and how masculine you are is determined by how much testosterone you have. Since men have an abundance of Testosterone compared to women, they have more masculine traits. Masculinity can be molded by society and living conditions, but men are naturally born with testosterone and masculine traits.

[@Kriegter]

long hair is metal af

[@Andy251153]

@@Ginglover9000 @Nikoa Men want to naturally be masculine but I'm mainly talking about how far some men and parts of society will go in regards to performing their masculinity and how others perform it. I personally say one's own masculinity doesn't need to be much of a performance, not that masculinity itself is dumb. There's nothing wrong with masculinity but if it's getting pushed to the point of being toxic or hurting men. If anything I'm saying that those ideas of performance are dumb. Like if a man wears a dress, why is he mocked for being feminine simply because he is wearing something that others just think only feminine people would wear. If the dress is masculinized would it be ok or would it make him look feminine still? Like in my eyes I don't see men doing things that women would do as feminine, if anything he's just doing it masculinely. Like does having a bag have to be feminine, is painting one's nails just feminine, make-up, pink, long hair all feminine and exclusive to women . Why can't men just be masculinely feminine. Or women masculinely feminine. And not be put down for it.

[@emmery1386]

This is basically me too. The United States is a toxic environment for sensitive people.

[@yu_kon9393]

The world is bruh

[@atheistcrusader1160]

Or you could replace "sensitive" with weak

[@justsomejojo]

I rarely think about it anymore, but when I was still in school, I actually often thought about this, purely from a physical perspective. I associated being manly with being able to do hard physical labor, but I'm handicapped - I can build muscle and become strong, sure, but because my sense of balance is forever skewed since birth, I can't do stuff like carrying heavy furniture downstairs because I need to hold on to the handrail or I'll take a tumble. Or climb ladders to change a lightbulb. Thinking about it now and listening to this, it's interesting I thought about this purely from a physical perspective.

[@Densoro]

"What I discovered at the bottom of the ashram after seven years is that _all gender is false!_ The true self has no gender! And the rest of it is all crap _we construct!"_ I felt this. The arbitrary dictates of gender were so stifling and contradictory that eventually I decided, 'Gender is just an excuse to oppress people on the basis of their sex. We should get rid of it.' When somebody pointed out that gender _abolition_ is often used as a pretense to hurt queer people, I went, 'okay, I'm not gonna join _that cause,_ but I am gonna abolish _my own_ gender.' Some people have to fight so hard, with their lives on the line, to be welcomed as the gender that suits them; I won't take that away from them, but it's not something I want to base _my life_ around. I have a biological sex. There are various biological markers that doctors can measure (which fluctuate wildly between members of the same sex, and have enormous crossover between sexes). I have to use toilets a certain way. I have a blood type too, and a star sign, but people shouldn't insist that those things _define me as a human being_ more than my thoughts or feelings. Whenever people talk to me like a typical specimen of my _pisser,_ all I hear is that they're unwilling to _really listen_ to who I am, and that's lonely af

[@sthaim1920]

Defining yourself is a mix of "feelings" and reality. Finding a balance is great but some things will never change

[@Densoro]

@@sthaim1920 idk what’s with the quotation marks. A person’s psychological profile is not dictated by their urethra. That _is_ reality.

[@monkaeyes3417]

@@Densoro Fuck yes, fella. Fuck. Yes.

[@jesuschrist7816]

i feel like him when it comes to disney movies, romance, reading, and a few other things. other than dressing up and playing with dolls and things of that nature, i completely relate to him.

[@Reyna3103]

As a trans person I appreciate you talking about those topics! Thank you.

[@deadtoy5360]

do trans people consider themselves women even if they have a penis? Or men if they have a vagina? Are there people who have both penis and vaginas or people with no penis and no vaginas? What is the qualification to be an actual trans person? I have no idea and curious.

[@nudemanonbike]

​@@deadtoy5360 So the quickest way to answer this is to introduce you to the concept that sex is separate from gender expression. Sex is, for the sake of this conversation, what set of genitalia do you have. Typically you have either a penis or a vagina, but intersex people are fairly common and have what's called "ambiguous genitalia", which can be any combination of the penis or vagina. Or none. Gender expression, on the other hand, is male or female. Or nonbinary. So yes, someone can express themselves as a woman, dress like a woman, sound like a woman, look like a woman, have womanly hobbies, and have a penis. This would be Female gender, Male sex. The opposite is also true, you can have someone who is Male gender, Female sex. These people would be called transgender, because their gender assigned at birth (aka do they write boy or girl on the birth certificate) doesn't match their desired gender expression. As for your genital question, yes people with both sets exist, but they're usually not fully functional. It's vanishingly rare in humans and it's called Hermaphroditism medically, but in humans it's usually instead just falls under the intersex umbrella

[@GAOMaster]

@@nudemanonbike wacko

[@nudemanonbike]

@@GAOMaster no u

[@Reyna3103]

@@deadtoy5360 the qualification to be a "actual trans person" is a huge topic for debate and legal issues. The best thing is to do is just ask a person how they identify (man, woman, non binary, etc.) and respect that. the thing about penises and vaginas is that they are really hard to change (and expensive depending on where you live). So yeah what genitals you have doesn't matter in terms of being a man or woman although most trans people get surgery to align their gender with their sex organs. hope that clears things up. :)

[@nested9301]

ithink every person has a soft side and a taugh side it is just social media that effect us we need to interact with the real world, be an honorable person that's it work on ur self as well

[@JaxsonGalaxy]

The ending really is the best

[@troubledpi8919]

I love this channel so much, and I like how you mentioned close friends could also be that influence, since I had a few male close friends who fit into the norm and would call the things I like gay, which made me feel weird since I am bi and I don't believe my interests are that weird! So thanks for making videos about these things even If it might be new territory in some of these videos! Problems are out there! And lots of people share similar ones! Thank you for giving awareness

[@sanitorz232]

Michael Cera seeing this thumbnail 😐

[@trappart9209]

Be honest with yourself and people. Don't avoid risk, learn on your mistakes. There is always something you can learn. Don't force yourself to be "manly" or any other idea. Explore yourself and the world. Life is not all sweet, but it is also not all bad. You are becoming more competent in being a human being. Keep going, be open minded, remember that you (and every other people) make logical mistakes in our perception of the world. Learn about logical mistakes which lead to low self worth and pain. Pain is a signal that you are being wrong in your particular ideas

[@hughmogus7137]

This timing could not be more perfect for me haha

[@ch3burashka]

I'm not like a Michael Cera superfan, but I'm going to love it when he snaps and goes full gym rat mode, gets into MMA just to prove everyone wrong.

[@sparkysparkyboomman3066]

Binary gender roles are really unfortunate because every person is their own person and it’s sad that no one is ever man enough and no one is ever feminine enough. It’s because we’ve created rolls that are too simple for the complexity of human nature. And the gender roles are so thoroughly enforced that people get ostracized for trying to explore themselves which is naturally exploring outside of their gender role. This is where non-binary people come from. Imagine feeling so not man and so not woman enough that you feel the need to call yourself something else in order to feel like yourself inside.

[@lemueltimbreza]

An interesting thing I heard from a psychology professor I had was that “masculinity” and “femininity” are social constructs. Separating who I am and who I felt I was supposed to be as a “man” was liberating in its own. Idk if this is too general or a simple “solution”, but it really helped me accept myself as I am.

[@meownover1973]

I was bullied for my femininity too, as a woman 😂

[@baboin1851]

You girl? Cringe.

[@antistraightmen]

@@baboin1851 incel

[@baboin1851]

@@antistraightmen twitter comments on their way to not realize the most obvious satire you've ever seen

[@antistraightmen]

@@baboin1851 4chan users eliminating women on sight.

[@cedricburkhart3738]

🤯 Really?🤨 Ha ha ha. Why is that?🤷

[@unchozen]

If there was just two ways to be there wouldnt be personalities lol. i hate how this topic is so politicized. as long as someones a nice person who gives af. i used to work at a factory building gas pump cabinets and i came in with my nails painted black and a dude called me out in anger "why would you paint your nails your a guy are you gay??" i was like no i have two daughters and i came in with pink nails the next day. eventually they got used to it and stopped giving a fuck. i forgave the dude because he eventually apologized. like damn just have fun and treat ppl with respect. do what makes you feel confident lol