How To Stop Projecting Your Insecurities Onto Other People

[@Lill92]

This reminded me of a conversation I had with a therapist when I was in my late 20s. I can't quote his exact words because our conversation was in Norwegian, but he said something along the lines of: "If you deny someone the chance to get to know you solely because you believe the way you see yourself is the only truth, you have stolen their opportunity to get close enough to make up their own mind." I am in my early 30s now and haven't revisited this in a while, but watching your video made me realise that it is time to do some more work on this. Thank you!

[@heidipriebe1]

I love that. Such a concise way to say it! 💜

[@peachesandpoets]

That's so helpful. Thank you

[@Ikigai747]

Gonna put that on my wallpaper. Thanks 4 sharing

[@Idlehands13]

@@Ikigai747 I was thinking that because of how much I was mirrored to myself with it. Self awareness is the root cause of change and better yourself.

[@Danishmastery]

Det er et fantastisk citat ❤️

[@austinsmith3755]

hahahhahaha i'm not projecting you're projecting

[@Justjewels8436]

Lol

[@sunnyadams5842]

No! YOU are!! 😅😂🎉

[@LawderOfficial]

No! You and my imaginary friend are!!!

[@tigress725]

My therapist says.”projection makes the world go round” ☮️

[@ChuckThree]

I’m an overhead projector, Austin. So yeah it’s kinda my job bro.

[@MultiCappie]

Your channel is criminally undersubscribed. You are the best communicator of psychological concepts I have ever heard.

[@MinnyMann]

I have to agree. truly fantastic. going to watch again when more awake

[@elionae]

Agree. Great combination of theory + practical advice.

[@solarqueen2555]

My grandma came into my (clean) room, saw a few pieces of folded laundry not put away, and told me that a man will never love me if i am so dirty. I thought "what a c*nt, who says something so hurtful to their grand daughter?" And then i realized that she has a deep trauma around being not lovable unless she takes very specific actions. Instead of getting angry, i realized that even though she has a very clean room people STILL don't love her. And i think that is punishment enough.

[@Random-bc6xv]

😂😂😂 that’s rough

[@thefaithalflaw]

Uuuuh, Buddy that was harsh

[@celiohelder1]

Someone on Reddit recommended Heidi’s videos on attachment style. I must say: I have been binge watching your videos since and the amount I’ve learned with them is astounding. I cannot say thank you enough for explaining highly convoluted concepts in such palatable way. It’s been truly helpful and I wish you all the success and visibility you deserve.

[@darkcrystalmagik3369]

I wonder if that was me!!😆 LOL, seriously, I know I've commented about her on a few of the mental health/ psychology/ support & self help type communities, I always sing her praises, her and Patrick Teahan. What subreddit??

[@celiohelder1]

@@darkcrystalmagik3369 actually was the heartbreak/break up one

[@peachesandpoets]

It is overwhelming how understood I feel since I found her

[@meredithjoy2]

This is how I ruined my relationship with my ex fiancé. I projected my insecurities about my body onto him, even though he only ever tried to tell me otherwise and he always acted otherwise too. So I self sabotaged the whole relationship because I wouldn’t believe his words and his actions, I just believed so much that it was an objective truth that I was ugly. I needed to hear this video to help me better make sense of what I’ve already realized. I’ve never seen someone else talk about this, so thank you!! I hope I can be more careful now to look for 1) actions 2) words that actually confirm my beliefs, and to otherwise, allow myself to be rejected or accepted. I wouldn’t allow myself to be accepted in the past :(

[@Thymeseedvoice]

Thank you for writing this out and recognizing this pattern. ❤ I've been on both sides of the experience in different ways. In one of my connections it's been quite a painful experience to be deflected and denied in my expression of love and appreciation, as they were holding onto this negative self-perception of themselves so strongly. So somehow it felt kinda healing to read your message from your perspective and its realization. Thank you!

[@flyingmonkey3822]

When you are surrounded by condescending, passive aggressive, narcissistic gaslighters… getting told that they weren’t insulting you but that you’re projecting your insecurities is a fun time. I’d cut them out of my life, but I’m related or married to them.

[@KaraKahn]

You can still draw boundaries or go no contact if necessary

[@KatlynHaydon]

Heidi, I hope this isn’t too much pressure because I don’t mean it that way, but I think you kept me from making some very permanent decisions regarding my own existence. I thought I was just broken. Thank you.

[@heidipriebe1]

Reading the line ‘I thought I was just broken’ hit me in such a tender place. That was the #1 word I identified with for most of my life before taking on this work. I no longer believe it applies to myself or to anyone else. I felt a huge amount of warmth and compassion moving through my body as I read your comment, thinking of others who may still feel that way and the hope that exists for them too. Thank you for sharing about your resilience. It inspires me, too. 🙏🖤

[@Steve-h-61]

Thank you both for being vulnerable, this has hit me so hard. I look back on how many years I hid myself from the gloriousness of other seeing me.

[@jondavidgriffin]

same

[@koala01111986]

Same...I've always thought I was broken

[@NNSegura]

Same. When I wake up in the middle on the night with pain in my chest, I look for her videos.

[@nobodynowhere21]

3:25 "Am I projecting, or am I right?" A question I never would have even thought of in my 20's is now a question that keeps me up at night in my 30's.

[@nosiphodywili35]

We are great at praising others. But we never look at ourselves with the same eye... We need to stop being so hard on ourselves. ❤

[@themaggattack]

"We"? Speak for yourself. I'm jaded, skeptical, mistrusting, and unimpressed with people in general. Including myself. I need to be nicer to myself and everyone else too!

[@TheDavveponken]

@@themaggattack was coming here to say that exact thing. I'm fed up with people in general :P

[@nobodynowhere21]

My over-active super-ego thinks you're naive and projecting on a video about projection. Maybe start the video from the top? Ask AI?

[@lilianehiendizon9857]

“The act of love is the act of being seen as who we are and accept as who we are”

[@Uvvibes]

It’s hard when you date someone who’s abusive and they actually validate all of your insecurities

[@TSAONGAF]

Heidi is just a bottomless chest of wisdom treasure ❤

[@heidipriebe1]

What a delightful compliment! Thank you for it 🤗

[@vidheyaprem]

Yoo no Kidding!! A week of Heidi’s videos everyday!! It’s time to level up super fast with double damage 🎉

[@aicerg]

I loved the "rough around the edges" to describe someone. I think it's cute, and embraces the fact that some of us aren't conventionally attractive, instead of making it taboo. I like it for myself.

[@thekurtzsr]

Yessss. Loved this part of the video also!

[@avp6730]

I've recently had a devastating experience where a person did in fact confirm that they thought I was what I was insecure about. Since then I just can't stop projecting it onto everybody I meet or actually retrospectively projecting it onto people from my past. This feeling of having your worst fears confirmed is really hard to deal with

[@thesetruths1404]

What trait?

[@alissaa2809]

What trait?

[@avp6730]

That I'm boring and annoying.

[@cieloclaroak]

@@avp6730 I think why that person’s opinion has had such an impact on you is because you feel they validated what you feel about yourself. So, as Heidi described, it is a projection of how you feel about yourself. I’ve been through this myself many times and it feels terrible. Now with helpful teachers like Heidi, It’s helped me to understand how to identity and explore the different ways I avoid being exposed as a vulnerable human being! I continue to remind myself that no one can be liked by everyone. Accepting the person’s opinion as being theirs and not a reflection of you will give you an immense amount of relief and freed energy. I am along with you on this journey, as are so many others. 🙏🏼

[@ChiaraColetti]

⁠​⁠@@avp6730well, being boring and annoying is totally subjective… if you’re an introvert you might want to hang out with like minded people instead of trying to fit in with those who are more on the extrovert’s spectrum. That it to say what an extrovert would consider boring an introvert would absolutely love it. I remember when I was in my early twenties people telling me I was boring because I was not the kind of girl which went to discotheque ( I honestly hate them) whereas I was more into selective clubs when and if I decided to go out, I preferred less crowded places tbh. So I started to try to fit in with those people, since I had to, but it asked of me a considerable effort nor to mention the stress. Then I gave up try to be someone I am not just to please others, and it was liberating. Try to find people more like you, that share interests, hobbies or mindset as yours and relax. I hope it helps, good luck.

[@jordanlara8967]

Instantly burst into tears when you said your friend didn’t want you to think they were a loser 😢

[@melliemu123]

Doing some contemplation recently I had some insights similar to those in this video. I was thinking about how I used to assume "everyone" hated me and I thought: "Did everyone actually hate me, or did I hate myself and assumed everyone agreed with me?" Was very eye opening. Thank you for this video, you are a blessing Heidi.

[@eadamic17]

This was unexpectedly one of the hardest videos I have ever watched, in the most positive sense! It is all good though, because I needed a slap this morning. I have been self-sabotaging my own life for at least 15 years and have ruined countless possible relationships over that time which have spiraled down into a horror show of bitter resentment exactly through the processes that you explain so well. I can remember 3-4 absolute reality-shattering experiences where I have seen my own idealised version of reality be disproved right in front of my eyes, and can relate so well to the pain of suddenly realising that reality is not the way that I thought it was and that actually I was just excluding myself the whole way along. I eat the menu instead of the food in life, battling my own ideals of myself instead of simply enjoying actual reality.

[@jonathantrunz4482]

Eat the menu…love it

[@KimMaverick]

For the longest time I was incapable of accepting compliments of any kind and this is precisely what was holding me back. I was so preoccupied with my self perception that I treated anyone who complimented like they were an idiot. I still feel insecure about most things but I learned to mirror back whoever compliments me, to make them feel good. After years of that as a conscious practice, I now appreciate compliments and even occasionally believe them.

[@waitingpatiently]

The black pillows are positioned in way that looks like you are about to give me a big hug 🤗 also I LOVE this video!

[@kristy_GT7781]

Oh my gosh, I thought her arms were open too!😂😂😂

[@pragmaticpoet]

😂👌

[@observer7418]

Someone once said to me: "Individuals are smart. People are stupid. Take all with a grain of salt. You're never as bad or good as you might think" I feel ya though Heidi. Thanks for putting these up. I like to listen to your thoughts and I suspect, sometimes, it really helps you too. Nice hair btw.

[@akirataifu8470]

Now that you mention it, Heidi's hair is very nice. Great hair Heidi!

[@ebbyc1817]

I love her hair! ☺

[@themacocko6311]

Very pretty hair!

[@elinek5470]

Yes. I had to be really honest with myself yesterday and I hate other beautiful women when i am with my boyfriend bc i feel like he wants them rather than me. I got the believe that looks really matter to him bc he is always complementing my looks, and actually that has made me more insecure. But i have to admit i am very afraid of intimacy so when i snap bc we see someone beautiful, i get mad at him and create distance again. And he is sick of it. 😅 understandable.

[@brookewilson9379]

You’re a very intelligent, eloquent, empathetic person, and you’re giving a gift to a lot of people. Thank you for making content like this ❤

[@LauraHernandezUCL]

Ready for my wig to be snatched by Heidi yet again

[@Locut0s]

I find myself still so scared of the things I actually want despite the huge amount of work and change that I’ve gone through that I still don’t know if I can face my fears.

[@viiiRA_]

I add you to my 5min Journal gratitude log daily.

[@Politegirl686]

Omg what a great idea. Do you listen to one of the videos and ✍️

[@viiiRA_]

@@Politegirl686No, but I often revisit videos, even throughout the day. I have a playlist on attachment style videos. I actually use the 5min Journal app via her suggestion. Heidi, Julie Smith, Therapy In A Nutshell, and Crappy Childhood Fairy, and animal videos have been what I've been consuming lately. I do catch Psych2Go's content but they're more as entertainment.

[@hope1575]

My spouse has said my worries about him are all projections, when they are based on actual things he has said. Meanwhile, he is frequently assuming I think awful things that I have never said! It's projection of projection lol 😂

[@TheDavveponken]

My ex was exactly the same. It really screwed me up.

[@infinitedurr]

Very well articulated, as usual, Heidi. The only complication with this is that in this day and age, a lot of the external rejections that people deal with are via ghosting or implicit withdrawal, rather than explicit articulation of why they’re rejecting you. It becomes very confusing to tease apart what is projection versus what is a ghosting type of rejection.

[@simonehejazi2304]

You’re spot on. I now understand the harsh truth , that the intentions I assume are behind people’s words and actions , are my intentions and. it goes both ways. I could assume good intentions to a negative action which also lead me into self loathing.

[@stevennewhouse3127]

I truly appreciate your channel more than just words can express right now. Thank you so much for literally every single video you do. I love growing, and gaining perspective and insight and all your videos are filled with experiences and thoughts and perspective that I wish I could have known about YEARS ago. And better yet it's accessible to many people.

[@belhougoldenwind]

i had an experience a few months ago when i had a friend but started projecting that he didn't cared about me and thus i started to resent him and that became a self fulfilling prophecy: he started to become less close to me cause i was not a pleasant person to be around anymore because of the remarks i made based on the projection. All of this was indeed because i was hiding a part of my identity in fear of rejection ; i never let him know me and became closed off the few times he tried to ask questions regarding this topic, and now he is likely never gonna know this part of myself cause we are just acquaintances now. So this video was spot on regarding my situation, and very helpful to try to change my behavior, thank you.

[@johanneshalberstadt3663]

When you were telling the anecdote about the cool/uncool job, I was thinking: maybe that negative judgement we hold about that feature on ourselves (that we then project onto the other to judge us for), also isn't necessarily our own core value. Maybe o it's some inference we have made years before about how the world is, how other people judge things and what would be safest for us to align ourselves with in order to gain connection. So...we adopt and internalize this judgement *for* connection in the first place. And then, when we realize, that this is or has become one of our own features, we judge ourselves so harshly (and then project that jugement o to others) because we wanted to stray away from that in the first place, because we thought this is hindering connection. As a less knowledgable a less nuanced version of ourselves. And we held on to that belive in an inflexible way, which leads to these wrong projections. So...in a way it is circular. Or a spiral. Not just the inside projecting outwards.

[@aescoones]

Heidi your exceptionally informative lessons are an immense help to me. Clearly laid out and well paced. For me, at 65 and just beginning to really get the message here, your posts have been a lifeline. I really appreciate what you are doing. Thank you.

[@sandrawright8109]

I'm glad I'm not the only one in their 60s still in need of help mentally !one has experienced do much in that time but can still need a bit of guidance.

[@abithaswathimuniraj3485]

This video is so good! I had personally decided that I am not going to reject myself first, for any opportunity. This was about a year ago and it has made so much difference. It is absolutely amazing to hear you explain so clearly the thought process and assumptions that happen when you are projecting. I appreciate watching your videos; it makes me hopeful that there are people out there who think this way too! Thank you Heidi

[@petrasjoholm5810]

I got to say I admire your way of communicating so eloquently and getting abstract points across so clearly and understandable! I'm literally the opposite, so I appreciate because being emotionally blind and a stutterer, I wouldn't ever find these solutions by myself ❤

[@MRKetter81]

This is like having surgery for myself, but I'm quite thankful for your understanding on these subjects.

[@deathsheadtarot7875]

I just have to share that if all the information I've learned regarding multiple of the topics you talk about, none have been more useful and applicable in the real world than your videos. Specifically your video on letting go, which has helped me move on from a 22 yearmarriage/32 years together. I couldn't move on, getting pulled back not realizing that what I actually needed to grieve was the idea of what I wanted, but never got Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge!! 🙏

[@Unownzone]

Hello, Heidi! I was introduced to your channel by LocalScriptMan for learning about attachment theory and writing character relationships. Getting to watch your videos not only helped me with the writing, but it also helped me get a better understanding about myself and get a grasp on the personal problems I've been having. Just wanted to say thanks!!

[@user-wf5fi7dv2m]

These videos are sooooooo good. Been going through a really rough divorce for the past 5 months. In debt and trying to settle custody. I’ve been working on myself even before I left the marriage. Started dating recently and yeah, it’s hard to not project my insecurities of being in debt, having kids part time, and people thinking I’m probably a bad partner. But I don’t hide my situation from anyone and have to remind myself. If they’re agreeing to go on a date with me then I need to go in without being insecure. There’s obviously something about me that they find interesting. Keeping the insecurities at bay helps with the kids too. I can be fully present with them, not worrying about what their mom says about me. Anyway I’m rambling, thanks for the amazing videos. I want to be the best version of myself for my kids, family, friends, and future spouse. You’re helping me reach that goal, thanks!

[@kristinschoenborn9845]

Your content is helping me more than anything I’ve heard or read before. I understand so much about issues that I feel like I can actually tackle them. Thank you! So grateful for you!!

[@Locut0s]

Your self awareness and progress you have made is really inspirational!

[@anathealchemist]

i knew this subconsciously but hearing it out loud seriously shifted my mindset!! thank you so much!!

[@anathealchemist]

also!!! helps with taking other people’s actions less personally

[@Challseus]

You practically changed my way of thinking after learning about attachment styles from like dozens of your videos. Thank you so much! 💪🏾

[@Ineeadifferentusernamelol]

The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken. So pay attention

[@Tass1919]

Ppl lie too. They say they don’t think a certain thing but the actions don’t line up

[@fargouberguy]

Heidi you can explain these topics so well. Always enjoy hearing your videos.

[@ShadaeMastersAstrology]

Heidi you’re the most spiritual scientist I’ve come across 😊❤

[@tgentilcoremd]

I love you Heide, and you are encouraging and so inspiring. I am an ugly man. I look back on my life and even tho I am not sure that I can appreciate the reasons in a mirror, I seem to be adversive and off putting to people in general. It is a harder and harder reality to live inside of as I get older.

[@sharonjumba4648]

Hugs.

[@norashank1721]

Why did I think the couch was her arms when she started 😂

[@aiswaryaa8045]

😂😂lol ..

[@kaylaevans5885]

That’s hilarious 😂

[@JaneThatcher89]

HAHA!!! Heidi is superrrr laid back today. So Chill. 😂haha

[@carmelocaramelo2296]

She welcomed us with arms wide open.😂

[@fl7210]

Made me laugh

[@christopherscragg7018]

This was hard to watch but so important. Thanks, Heidi.

[@christina8646]

i can't believe you give out this information for free. thank you so much for your work heidi

[@jared3370]

I really liked this one. I didn’t realize how much I have been projecting until you helped me put it in perspective

[@chynellapayne]

Hey Heidi, I have been watching your KZbin videos for a couple months now on my healing journey, it has been very helpful and eye opening for my personal and interpersonal connections. You've helped me direct my life in a positive light and look within myself for emotional growth. Just wanted to say thank you 😊

[@antiprismatic]

LITERALLY a master class in knowledge and awareness.

[@Crimetimeallthetime]

You are so right about hiring candidates!!! Apply and interview, always! ❤

[@feelgoodgoeasy]

your ability to articulate these concepts with such ease is really exceptional. your explanation has really helped me see myself more clearly. thank you 🙏🏼

[@Acceptablehandleaheada2.-_]

I wish i could accept myself enough to be okay with others rejecting me. Nice work as always.

[@Ikigai747]

Beautifulllll video, I mean it. Not just for the sake of throwing around the word beautiful as if I'm running out of my vocab (that's not a projection don't worry xD), I really love the way you create these videos. You really "create" them like a work of fine art, crafting in every little detail with love and real beauty. The cheery on top of the cake is your grace, the way you share your personal anecdotes..it makes you connect to people in such a raw human way corresponding to igniting a lamp of compassion in dry sand, dark seas ..that have never witnessed such transparency before. That's how you make feel. I rarely comment on your videos, today I not only feel different because I'm doing so but also because I'm being so real and direct about what I have to say..the words flow in an incessant array of the light of acceptance. Thank You Heidi, COMPASSION !

[@MattSloanVMMP]

Your timing with shadow work and Mercury Rx is hitting me too accurately right now, but I like it. Thanks again 🙏

[@alicia10387]

This is the best video I’ve seen on projection ever! Thank you so much.❤

[@fionakara1717]

I don't know if I have ever commented under one of your videos, but I just wanted to tell you, Heidi, how much you have helped me understand things about myself. This is some of the best and most helpful context on youtube in this field. Thank you so much!

[@innominategamer5511]

This was really helpful putting things into perspective. I desperately need a job but I've been avoiding job hunting for months because I assume that employers will see me as problematic because I got fired (unfairly) from my last job and have a big gap on my resume when I didn't work for two years during the pandemic. The first interview I went into I had already decided that they would see me as problematic so I was a defensive mess during the interview and ended up not getting the job. I then used that experience to validate my belief that I look problematic and completely stopped applying for jobs because everyone will judge me the same way. I am terrified of putting myself out there and letting other people judge me because I assume it'll always be a negative judgment. I desperately need advice on how to overcome this. Edited to add that I am also the scapegoat in a narcissistic family system so I've been made to feel like a problem my entire life. That's the identity I adopted because it was placed onto me so much and I always assume that's how other people will see me.

[@spiritualartist]

I’m in the exact same situation! Hope things get better for the both of us! 🙏🏻😊

[@skabarella]

I think, this is the reason why I just got the job I started two weeks ago. The interview went really well because I was able to go in and be present with my insecurities layed out open (missing specific qualification) and still being confident and authentic about my general ability and willingness to grow, learn and a lot of basic/ general knowledge and experience from other jobs. I felt good about my offer and I didn't need to display false or fake confidence, I wasn't thinking about what I need to say to get the job, I was interested and if they wouldn't decide for me, that was ok too. first and last jobhunts, interviews were different as I was only thinking about how to behave to get the job, kind of how to trick them into deciding for me. this mew way of approaching it felt much better and less panicky.

[@Soulalignmentsanctuary]

I have really been doing this a lot and Iv just realised in the last week what Iv been doing, so this is perfect timing. It would be fantastic to get some really practical ways to integrate our shadows. Thanks so much for this information it’s so well presented and easy to follow.

[@Gopher755]

These videos have helped me so much I’m stunned. I’m doing therapy but these videos have been key.

[@1RPJacob]

"Give them a chance to say Yes"

[@neilmorbs82]

Love it! Here is my summary - feel free to correct or amend: What we judge in ourselves we imagine others see in us. Often this is incorrect, but we avoid challenging it directly, because it is intimate. We are all afraid of intimacy, especially if we some areas inside us that are out of alignment for how we want to be. We feel shame about those areas. Shame + silence = projection of judgment. Shame + voicing our concerns with 'owning it' = testing our judgement, which can often lead to 'disconfirming experiences' which disconfirm the hidden (often negative) beliefs inside. The way to stop projecting is to be willing to take back ownership of our projections, as meaningful about us, and to voice our feelings and meaning making so we can test them out.

[@randallsmerna384]

It's all about PERCEPTION and INTERPRETATION of an event or thought or action. Just being aware that both of these things not only occur, but can be incorrect will open up worlds of change.

[@Sesso20]

I am still projecting so hard on other people. I notice it quite often and mostly its surrounding my looks and my competence. But I noticed, when you shared the story of your limerence story; that I also notice that despite being trapped in the old believe-systems; I have grown a lot since my C-PTSD diagnosis, no less because I have been reading and watching a lot of content about it. Honing my senses to my triggers, dysregulation, to my thoughts and their meanings etc. Its really hard to own up to myself, when all I did was undermining and underselling myself for so many years. It feels honestly, still alienating, to see my competent and capable self. But I am at a point, where I realize, I have a chance of grabbing that life, that I want to live. But I still dont have the skills to do so and no one roll-modeled it for me. So I still feel stuck on these first steps. Ruminating over the unknown, contemplating about the overwhelming feeling of ... not living reactively anymore. Hm. Its ok if it takes me some more time to get there. There are still things that I have to work through, like my still flaring projections.

[@absteele]

17:57 - I'm struck by how much this approach reminds me of the Donald Kaufman character from the movie "Adaptation." Allowing a potential rejection to be the other person's business, not yours, can be so hard, but it offers opportunity for connection and growth.

[@gogego998]

I don't know if you'll get to read this comment but this video has helped me so much in reflecting about my own projection towards a woman I've been texting for two months now. I like her alot,we have such a synchronized dance between us,she's revitalized me after a long time of engaging with women I wasn't really interested in and I tend to go off the deep end on the fact that I'm the one usually to text first even though she told me in the beginning that she finds it really hard to initiate but not to keep up once others initiate,and it has so been the case but no matter how well we conversate and we've set up to meet each other very soon,I just can't shake off the projection of feeling unwanted just because of that one thing. Maybe I can talk it out after a date or two but I want to point out that you exposed the big elephant in the room for me. Nonetheless if you see this comment,wish me good luck because I think I might marry her in the future hahahaha. Lots of love from Germany,take care Heidi,your work is very helpful.

[@Michael-jq5pf]

I cannot begin to describe to you how pertinent this video is. This has been my major revelation and subsequent struggle for the last 2 years.. just so happens, I stumbled across your page maybe 3-4 weeks ago and this topic is the main thing I've wished you had covered. Thank you!

[@santapreese]

thank you Heidi for shining light in this world :) i've learnt to sit with myself more and more :D

[@shallowwatersoriginal]

Narcissists make you fight with yourself by verbal and actual defenses and then you are alone killing and attacking yourself just cuz it has all been you yourself! The one who wanted to be moral is just deciding and judging others... You are left with your innocence gone...let it be gone.

[@Tina_45]

U nailed everything so accurately and on point, wow!

[@sebastiendeloumeaux7372]

Hi Heidi, it is one of these times where I think to myself ''I'm not doing that'' before watching your video then going ''oops, I'm so doing that'' once you break it down. 😅 your videos upset me and comfort me at the same time so I'm grateful to you but I'm also kinda mad at you for always calling me out. Anyways it feels great to be understood and to have guidance on how to improve myself. Keep up the great work. ❤

[@joannemodine2533]

So, when you spoke about physical things and writing down the things etc… So here is my stuck point. I was shamed as a kid because I didn’t have a right hand and because my dad’s family didn’t like my mom. They would say, we will see how you turn out! For my logical based natural thinking pattern, there is no way out of my imperfections because I can’t grow a hand and I can’t change my mom. Ergo, how can I ever be acceptable to others. I will always have the state of imperfection.

[@HealthCoachEllie_]

Shadow Week! The Jungian answer to Shark Week. I really like your definition of intimacy or the desire for intimacy, “Who is this person behind all this?” I also liked when you said “I’m not going to pre-reject myself from things. I’m just going to go ahead and let them reject me.” This is something I need work on. Love this channel!

[@Lois_Unwordy]

Love this. Mind you, I felt for years that my father's partner did not want me around and recently she told me that, along with various critisims, so mynsuspicipk

[@Lois_Unwordy]

Now watched it all. Super! ❤❤❤

[@smokingcrab2290]

I find that if I spend all my energy every day into at least some kind of creative pursuit and have a creative frame of mind, all my insecurities go away. I stop thinking and I start living. And this doesn't pertain to art persay. It pertains to being creative in literally all areas of life. For example, when I'm talking to someone, I don't think of my insecurities anymore. I think "im here to create a good interaction with this person" and then I build it from there. When I see my life I don't think of all I'm lacking. I think "im here to create what I love. And I'm gonna bring it to life one day at a time." And when all my energy is spent, I just pass out and sleep like a baby. This frame of mind keeps all my insecurities away and I'm no longer bullied by my bad thoughts

[@Jennifer-gr7hn]

I project a lot onto passive aggressive people who I sense what they are not saying and I'm usually right, then I am resentful when they just "poof." vanish. Honest communication and humility solve this, but anyway, I'm following...thank you!

[@KellySnow]

Fat is something everyone hates and that means the person talking to me has to get over whatever judgement they have about it before they can actually listen or see me….in a professional setting people have a hard time believing or trusting what I’m saying and they seem to have an overall view that I have no credibility and some men I find are actually offended and disgusted…..so the meanings have come to me by the reactions I get from people and are shaped by my interactions from them but this is so great because I have such a hard time telling now if it’s me or them so I think this will help so much thanks for your time!

[@ynyra]

Thank you Heidi for your passion for sharing your knowledge of the human condition; providing nuance and insights into the strategies for which we hide our perceived broken parts. I am now working with the book from Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: and for the first time in my life there is an explanation for my symptoms. I feel like the door has flung wide open by the winds of healing and change, and the sun is shining rays of light into my soul, mind and shadows. Your gift is profoundly healing for me in my life, and I am viewing each of your videos and really diving into the wisdom so that I can heal, and find peace through recovery. My gratitude is immense.

[@HealthCoachEllie_]

Pete Walker is awesome! Excellent choice.

[@MsLettucelady]

Social media is a great place to experience this very thing.

[@alanklm]

As always, very structured and thought provoking, thank you!

[@teresasparks8348]

Love your work. Want to address the cut at 1:58 from a direction that is off-topic. While it's true that someone SAYING something to you, about you, can be taken as in fact what they think of you, we all know that assessing someone's opinion also relies on all the other ways we communicate as a species, and the non-verbal ways are more subtle, maybe more difficult to notice at first, but just as indicative. You can say the thing without saying the thing, is my point, and not mentioning that that's possible leaves the door open for gaslighting. e.g. just because someone doesn't say "I hate _______ [insert targeted group here]" it doesn't mean they don't, if their actions and inactions suggest they do. Like I said, off topic, but important enough for me to internet about it.

[@aspidoscelis]

Yes. Taken at face value, this video is gaslighting people who aren't good at picking up on indirect or nonverbal communication. The message seems to be "oh, you're just imagining that people use indirect / nonverbal communication"-nope, people are constantly expecting you to pick up on all this indirect and nonverbal crap. Failing to do so as well as others is literally in the DSM. You will be socially rejected and pathologized for it. That isn't in our heads, it's lived experience-and the subject of piles of published research.

[@hlengiwemtshatsha964]

This video held me accountable for so many ridiculous projections that I have been harbouring. Thank you for edifying me today. This content is amazing❤

[@davidstevenjacoby1873]

Heidi is so insightful, articulate and accessible! This is great!

[@viiiRA_]

I have to admit, you really nailed me on this one. 😅 I'm also quite sad about it because it's literally the reason I choked on a potential relationship a couple months ago although there were other avoid-toxic-relationship reasons. I have developed a mostly-secure attachment style and always working on it as I will have to. However, my pitfall is relationship insecurity making me choke in early dating. Never in an angry way, it's that "she deserves better than what I can currently offer." thought. Though I guess from a observer's perspective, it's probably also that partners fail to incite secure attachment. Emotional-mental maturity is sadly scarce it seems.

[@oliverrojas3185]

Thanks!

[@karolcybulski6008]

I never write comments, but I just wanted to thank you for making the most high quality, in depth, yet easy to understand videos in this area on KZbin. You're a brilliant human being

[@Politegirl686]

So excited for this week 😅

[@raxerer]

you projected on me that you're opened, but in reality that was your couch

[@ChuckThree]

First 5 seconds I thought Heidi had her arms spread out to show off some sweet yellow arm fringe, à la Macho Man Randy Savage. Turns out the black in the background is not part of her black shirt… 😅

[@alixander9401]

My favorite online therapist!!!

[@brandongerard5813]

I can’t even….wow. Phenomenal video. Here’s a thought: I’m thinkin that you’re thinkin that I think you think that thinking is worth thinking about but you actually think that often thinking is projecting your thoughts onto other’s thinking.

[@cherylpa527]

Awesome video. You have such a wonderful ability to explain things. When projecting we are often ensuring the outcome of what we think and not giving anyone the opportunity to behave differently.

[@rileyretzlaff7769]

Thank you so much Heidi! I appreciate so very much what you do!

[@AndyParka]

Until I saw your hand, I though you had your arms out 😂😂