HOCD Recovery

[@AnkitSailesh]

Thank you bro for sharing and helping. I'm heterosexual and I can't be thankful enough. Stay strong brothers 💪👊.

[@erin65655]

This video resonates with me so much. It is so hard to go through and if you need someone to pray for you, drop a comment and I will. You are incredibly loved and we will get through this. This has been the hardest thing I’ve gone through. I went through this in 2015 and somehow overcame it(I think because I didn’t know what it was) and it went away and I never thought about it. Now I’ve been dealing with this for the past 5 months and it is crippling to say the least. I’ve lost all attraction to me, I am struggling watching movies, TV, going out. It gets triggering at that is so hard. It feels like it has completely convinced me that this fear is true, but that isn’t a life I have ever wanted to lead. It is crazy to me how convincing this is. I am trying my best to face my fear, but is hard. Finding God has helped and I know he is working in me, he gives me peace as I try to navigate out of this cycle.

[@mikeehrmantraut4004]

I will pray for you too, this is hell but we will get through it 🙏

[@Rage_Harder_Then_Relax]

Do you share that praying for the LGBT community as well or just the straight community who are dealing with this "disorder". Does your religion allow you to do that or is it just for the "correct" sexuality/gender?

[@joshuabannister1817]

Thanks for this! Fellow HOCD sufferer here. It takes courage to do what your doing lad

[@beeftestosterone4840]

For me, it comes and goes. I can go years without thinking about being gay, or having intrusive thoughts, or if I did have intrusive thoughts they didn’t bother me. Right now it kind of popped up again. It never really seems to go away completely, you just have to manage it. It will pass. You cannot play into it. You can’t think your way out of it. You can’t rationalize with it. You have to let the thoughts come and go just as any other thoughts. Don’t wonder why you’re thinking those thoughts. The more emotional reaction you give certain thoughts, the more they will pop back up, and the cycle will perpetuate itself. Cut the cycle. Meditation will help observe your thoughts without reaction. Breathe. Get out of your head and go into your body.

[@bryanlecuyer5685]

Same here. Stress brings in back on with other OCD subjects for me. Fine and back to normal for a long then bam it rears its head again. stupid.

[@cleangoblin2021]

Lack of sleep, hangover, stress and such, used to flare up the ocd so bad. But now that im healed. I can say that even through all of those shi, i dont feel any anxiety or ocd again. That's when i know im truly healed.

[@אביבזמיר-ת4כ]

@@cleangoblin2021 how did you healed?

[@Edi-jg3yg]

⁠@@אביבזמיר-ת4כtry to accept that is just a thought and isnt true

[@MrAjags]

@@cleangoblin2021 It would be nice to know how you healed

[@HenrySea-cp5ei]

Hi, I’m new to this and I just subscribed and I have hocd. Your videos are helping to feel better about myself and feeling less stressed out. Pls make more of these soon.

[@ManjeetKour-nu1zq]

This thing is really horrible and scary i have never seen this much mind game in my entire life

[@Sco16161]

I'm a straight man, never been attracted to a man at all in my life, but recently my minds starting to try convince me l'm actually 🏳️‍🌈 , I've watched corn (p) for 6 years, only ever corn (p) involving a woman. I've never had a relationship due to social anxiety. This all started when looked at a man on tv and thought he was good looking, didn't find myself attracted to him, then my mind starts trying to convince me I'm actually gay then I will go and search 🏳️‍🌈 without shirts on to prove to myself I don't get turned on (which I never do) and even at one point had to put gay corn (p) on just to prove a point that I didn't get turned on by it (which I never I actually felt the opposite) this has been happening a month and I've started talking to myself physically having to deny it and prove myself constantly and it's stopping me being able to live my life, after I prove it to myself my mind says "you're in denial". I wound understand if I actually got turned on from it I would be in denial but I haven't. I also get like weird twitches when I see men, but it’s all men, could even be a 85 year old with no hair so that’s proof it’s fake, but when I see a woman on corn hub I don’t twitch I just instantly get .. hard.

[@maxisace4402]

How are you doing with it now. It literally just sneaks up on you. There are some tikes youre body just like shakes from being so scared.

[@joshuabannister1817]

I think the key false thought with HOCD is that your thoughts and your emotions dictate who you are. I would recommend mindfulness, seeing through that that your thoughts/emotions are only that. Also I think it’s important to see the difference between desire and thoughts.

[@joshuabannister1817]

I’m a married straight man, and “I don’t even know what I am!” (As my HOCD isn’t in charge)

[@ManjeetKour-nu1zq]

@@maxisace4402 i'm healed actually just pray and rely on time it will go away with time but don't resonate with the thoughts if it comes just say it is hocd and it will go away i am not like that. Listen to hip hop music and gangsta rap listen to relgious song too that's how i was healed and now i am fully healed and even i forget that it happened to me

[@_varunnainwal09]

Me figuring out that it wasn’t real for me was by when this thought just completely left me one day and I was the happiest person I’ve been in a long time but then one day when one of my friend came out that he was gay brought this thought back because I never thought that he would be so that thought came back. These thoughts will have every counter for whatever you’re thinking, even when you are most certain that you’re not gay then the “what if you’re wrong” shit comes. When this thought gets transferred to you just think that without this thought how happy you were you’re relationships were also working great and when this second hand thought came to you, you started questioning everything it comes to you naturally not through some shows or through people just fucking teasing you by calling you gay or through any external source if you’re gay it will come to you naturally it won’t be through something external. I used to watch porn and never gave any attention to the male pornstar but after this HOCD this even forced me to look at guys for reassurance. I hope all of you with HOCD will recover from this as someone who also had such thoughts I know this is the most scariest things a human can face but you gotta stay strong brothers❤️

[@riley6232]

I'm Straight, Engaged to my Mrs & Getting married to her & This HOCD is a nightmare! (I cant even say the G word by the way Cause every time I say it it triggers me) Everyday I have intrusive thoughts about my Male best friends trying to hit on me. & every time That happens I have to think about my time with my Mrs, Whether that is kissing her, & knowing what she looks like to make sure that that thought will stay with me. & lt also affects me when I'm putting on Clothes Like when I put a t shirt on If the Male best friends thought Image pops in my brain, I have to take it off & put it on again & Think of my Mrs & if the thought of her Stays in there I can keep my T Shirt on. Shopping's Worst as well, like when I pick out an item (Lets say a Pint of Milk) If the thought of my male friends pop up, then I have to Put the item back & Pick out another one while thinking of my Mrs then I can keep the Item. The Same thing can happen with buying Clothes as well. This has only just started happening for a weeks now, Like before It use to happen when it was like watching tv soaps like: EastEnders, Coronation street, Emmerdale, Hollyoaks you name it When 2 Men scene is happening I Cant watch That scene cause it will trigger me. If it was 2 Girls kissing it wouldn't bother me cause It felt like having to kiss 2 Girls with me there. What made me speak about this is because a Girl was going through this & a Black man who was going through the same thing on Tiktok & I was happy that I wasn't the only one suffering with this. I Was happy to hear Elliot's Story about this because, He's from the UK Cause I feel like its only American people & Australian's who only Make Videos about their stories of HOCD. So I was happy to see a British Person speak out about this. If the Bisexual Word popped in my head then, That Means still Like Girls & I will only date Girls. But Being Bi isn't what I want & Only Heterosexual is all I want to me & will always Be Straight. But I just Want all these Homo (Also know as the G word) & My male best friends trying to hit on me thought images gone from my head, & Go back to Living my Life with My Mrs, Get Married to her & have a Family Together. I feel like when I become a Dad I Feel Like it will make it easier for me cause I want everyone to know that, Oh look at him spending time with his son/Daughter & His Wife Now that's a perfect Family. The amount of Times I've cried & anxiety I've had over these past few weeks Has not been easy for me. Another Thing as well is that I felt like I can only have female friends, I know anyone with HOCD is different About this but, Whenever I hanged out with Females including my Mrs. It made me feel like the guy who can get all the Girls & Is a Ladies man. Also I watched a lot of Lesbian Or Sexy Thick Girls Corn Hub (With a P instead of a C) And see a Downstairs Growing Response and I still did to The Thick Girls on there. Which I Still felt happy about it, But I didn't want Corn (With a P instead of a C) To be the recovery, So when I spend Quality Time with my Mrs, I feel like that helped me Cause I Can just look at her & See How Beautiful she is. I told my Mrs about The HOCD & She said They are just Thoughts & You Will always Be Straight & Your not gonna Become another Sexuality & She Will Spend as Much Time with me to help you get better. I hear a lot of people say the best Recovery is to Ignore the images & thoughts, which I tried that but it just kept coming back, The TV Actors one I learned to Ignore, But The Thoughts & Images about my best mates Is the one that kept triggering me & being stuck in my head. Another way People say is EPR Therapy, But I'm Scared that They will Judge me. I watched KZbin Videos About the People going through This, & I feel Like I can talk to them & They can talk to me, Because they will not Judge & and I will Not Judge them, cause they have been through this intense Battle. If Anyone has any Recovered Properly & Knows any Big Tips & Best ways to put a stop to This suffering Progress, Please Let me know & Reply to This. We will get Through This & You are not alone in all This. You are a Legend if you've read all this! Thank You!

[@markyinbelfastxx9088]

Mate your a text book hocd case ! Your no more gay than me or anyone else Believe me mate its gonna pass but you gotta learn not to care !!!!!

[@Rage_Harder_Then_Relax]

@@markyinbelfastxx9088 "anyone else"?? Anyone else IS gay...or bi...or trans...or lesbian. What an odd and wrong thing to write.

[@markyinbelfastxx9088]

@@Rage_Harder_Then_Relax anyone else what?

[@aguywhohikes1271]

Yes! He's back! Excellent stuff buddy!

[@mandymorgan8103]

My son is going through this now, it’s horrendous, I don’t know how to help him without making it worse by reassuring! It’s heartbreaking

[@Alvrzin]

Não fale que você aceitaria ele normalmente, isso só vai piorar, minha mãe falou isso e eu fiquei pior.

[@Alvrzin]

Não fale que você aceitaria ele normalmente, isso só vai piorar, minha mãe falou isso e eu fiquei pior.

[@Rage_Harder_Then_Relax]

It's not up to you to help him. He has to do it himself. Only he knows what and who he is attracted to. Gay people have lied and some still lie about their sexuality to people around them because they are not ready to accept themselves let alone tell their mothers. It's all up to him.

[@mandymorgan8103]

@@Rage_Harder_Then_Relax seriously? OCD is the lie!

[@emilianorodriguez1733]

Thank u bro exactly what I’m going through

[@Sco16161]

Thank you for speaking about it , been feeling this for a month now, never felt this way before and I’m 20, at first I thought maybe I was but I kept proving to myself I wasn’t by looking at men shirtless to prove I wasn’t. Didn’t even know what this was til today so glad I found out

[@notorious-gf6ym]

My mind just feels completely grey from the person i once used to be. Worse type of suffering I pray every night to god I know he will help get through this if anyone has advice please let me know

[@MrCaprisun2099]

Hey brother Christian to Christian, I am struggling as well. However, when I found out that these thoughts are thoughts that go against who I really am, yes, I was still afraid of the "what ifs" but that's just ocd now I had this for 2 years I'm improving because I am not my thoughts and these are not from me there just a symptom of a mental disorder that send intrusive thoughts. There was a time when a thought like "you don’t know who you are l" but I do my identity is in Christ Jesus my God and my all let go of the thoughts don’t be afraid it's going to take some time but I believe God has a purpose for our suffering.Amen

[@MrCaprisun2099]

And if it's about something horrible you did in your past that you know you will never do again. Let it go, accept you can't change your past and that you are not the same person who committed that mistake. 2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 17 This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!

[@-draco-469]

It’s like I don’t wanna be gay or or bi cause I want to be straight and only straight and this is really scary..

[@AshTheHuman608]

It really is I’m going through it now

[@Rage_Harder_Then_Relax]

Now you know what the LGBT community goes through. When being queer is "wrong".

[@AnkitSailesh]

As a guy on self improvement, My life started to get better as i quit playing video gamea and porn and beating NoFap. And then i get HOCD and everything goes downhill. I have been in and out of HOCD for 2-3 years.

[@OCDRecovery]

We can help you with that!

[@lagnolimit5947]

Bro how are you right now? Is it getting better? I have had this for about two months now. And I think my situation is kind of similar to you. I used to use a lot of porn and games. And as soon as I quit those I have been stuck with HOCD. Please update me with how you are feeling right now.

[@heem-xy9ek]

@@lagnolimit5947bro I quit all my bad habits (nicotine, video games, coffee, weed, porn, etc etc) completely sober for 6 months, started new hobbies, started talking to girls again, cut off bad friends, then the worst thing I’ve ever went thru (this) pops up. As a matter of fact, it gets worse and im freaking tf out. Never in my life had I questioned my sexuality up until 6 months ago. Now my brain says, “hmm, maybe you would like getting fkd up ur ass.” … “hmmm, maybe you’d like to suck d, girls do, so why wouldn’t you? What’s the difference, it’s just a feeling on ur mouth.” As someone who likes biting girls fingers and toes (ik it’s weird), this shit really hits me hard, and I don’t know what to think or do. My mom sees me depressed, idk wtf to do. I don’t wanna see a psychiatrist or anything cuz I fear they’ll just tell me im gay. I hope we all sort this shit out. I’m gonna try reading a book on the topic

[@Rage_Harder_Then_Relax]

Maybe you shouldn't have started that ridiculous "No FAP" rubbish that the bro community, the Red Pill community continually harp on about and show no evidence that it works. And porn is fine. Stop using it everyday .

[@lewislennon1066]

@@lagnolimit5947 how you getting on now ?

[@JackSmith-l3u]

I know I’m straight tho this is horrible 😢

[@GabrielRodrigues-ec7ic]

How u feelin nowadays ?

[@arjux4724]

yes ,very horrible

[@potaragaming4159]

Its terrible broo

[@JackSmith-l3u]

Definitely got better have my days but 70-80 percent better just started focusing on me more and my life stopped worrying about relationships as it’s only been 8-9 months since my last relationship just focus on you do something you like I got back into boxing. After so many years out due to self doubt and anxiety I’m now having my second fight in 7 years you can do it

[@michaelnichols1166]

Having suffered ocd since the age of ten , sexual orientation and OCD can be impacting important to note H in HOCD can Hetrosexual or Homosexual too. Any OCD obsession r themes of the disorder can be managed with the goal of recovery. Thanks for sharing good to see you are managing your disorder.

[@OrbGeopolitix]

I had my first brush of HOCD in February, but it didn’t last long. I contracted it again in October and I haven't overcome it since

[@aabhishekwarrier]

2 years of suffereing bro

[@yannicklombaerts5641]

Thank you for this video man I had it when i was 16 and then it when away and I dont know why but it has been back since a week (im 19 know) and I am so happy I found out what it is and im being really mindfull About it and im really trying to not give it attention

[@MrCaprisun2099]

Same brother, I also had it when I was 16, and then It came back when I was 17. Stay strong brother OCD is a scam caller. Don't answer it because it will just yap and never tell you the truth

[@joebrat6809]

I developed HOCD after excessive pornography usage and that was porn that didnt resonate with my sexual preferences, and the last time i tried getting intimate with a woman i couldn't get hard, so i am extremely frightened right now. I have no hatred towards the gay or trans community, it is just I've only ever had relationships and sex with cis women and it has been a very important part of my identity, but now i'm so convinced i'm not straight that i have to check my groin to ensure im not aroused. I suffer from general anxiety. Especially as i broke up with my ex girlfriend and im not getting any attention from women. I am feeling exactly like this, like i've been living a lie when i slept with 50 different women in my lifetime and really was into men. I have to always check that im not feeling attracted to my work colleagues or friends etc. For a guy who has been a womanising casanova who used to bed women he only dreamed of as a teenager, this is the worst nightmare coming true. I wish i can just break out of it.

[@TenzinSange-fg9ie]

Same happened to me bro😭😭😭. I loose all my self esteem and confidence to approach women now

[@Unstoppable7x]

First thing that happened to me is a side affect of watching porn is hypersexulise u to a point that not even the real thing triggers u. Second thing that happened all of the sudden i started getting triggered by penis and then focussed on it and i would get erection

[@harrythomas9409]

Ever since I’ve started suffering from this I’ve started struggling to get boners as well. Are you still struggling with this??? Can get hard but not 100%

[@KS87680]

How old were you when this hcod caught you?

[@אביבזמיר-ת4כ]

I have a annoying complusion when I on facebook and there is a post with a man picture and than I am in an internal war should i force myself to look and prove myself Im okay Im straight or should I roll the post and run away from it. In this struggle make me feel it every time I have this thoughts and it makes me avoiding social networks. And let's not talk about social situations that I don't know anymore if it's because I don't feel like going out or if it stems from this fear. What can I do here?

[@cleangoblin2021]

No dont reason with ocd, you wont win. Accept that fear that you maybe gay, attracted to it or whatever. Tell yourself youre gonna live your life no matter what. It's a different kind of courage you need in this fight.

[@MilitantMan_NL]

Two things I did delete social media it’s a bad thing when your in a mental flunk , stop masturbating and don’t give so much emotion to the thoughts just observe them everyone has these thoughts doesn’t make you gay or straight

[@MilitantMan_NL]

And I had the same problem just get outside accept it don’t act on it just say this is apart of me and don’t let it stop your life at all I promise you just keep going even when it’s hard then eventually it’s gonna be easy

[@justinbeal8122]

Hi i am very new to this. I struggle with OCD all my life but it never really affected me that much but last year was when it became a problem for me. I developed health anxiety and religous OCD but it is very calm now however this HOCD developed around Sunday night. It has been only 5 days but it felt like hell. I never question my sexuality because i am always attracted to women. Since Sunday night my mind has only been telling me that i am gay when i know i am not. I don't have anxiety like before but i don't like these thoughts. I am not attracted to men but women however this HOCD has me confused and has been diminishing my attraction towards women. I get false attractions sometimes and it bothers me. Another thing is sometimes i would unconciously talk about my future and that i want a wife and my mind woukd immediately say i want a husband. The thought of that grosses me out and bothers me alot. I don't to be gay but my mind keeps on saying that i am when i am not. I just want to be back to my straight life.

[@jameshanneder484]

Other core fear that nobody speaks about are: Fear of sexual performance (which is my main trigger) Sexlife and SO-OCD Fear of not feeling sensations (arousal, love...) Fear of lying to yourself I hope to hear more about it. And I want to ask, please I think it should be called SO-OCD, HOCD seems very one sided, and could reinforce the tabu surrounding this OCD Subtype.

[@lilytetlow]

Can you have hocd if you never been in an relationship?

[@jaimepena463]

Yes

[@azizmukhsinov5629]

For anyone struggling with this, just don’t pay any attention to the thought, don’t fall into the “doubt pit”.

[@OCDRecovery]

@@azizmukhsinov5629 it’s not as simple as that

[@azizmukhsinov5629]

@@OCDRecovery can you just give me more tips on how to manage hocd?

[@MrCaprisun2099]

I am currently struggling with H OCD but right now, im doing better than i was years ago. i lost my male friends, opportunities in school, and i isolated. It ruined my life, but when i found out it's all ocd i decided to do erp, and it was really hard at first, and as a Christian male, these thoughts scare/ disgust me im not my thoughts and i know that hocd is the worst im feeling a little better now but i still have ocd i must move forward Hopefully i get a girlfriend one day and for my brother's struggling with this YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS NO MATTER WHAT OCD TELLS YOU OCD WILL ALWAYS TRY TO GET YOU TO BELIEVE LIES. don't argue with lies because that will make it worse. ACCEPT that they are just intrusive thoughts from a mental disorder of doubt. Ocd never told you the truth .

[@slowcookedrice2775]

I am currently a freshman in college and I developed HOCD around two months ago. I no longer enjoy going to parties and have rippling anxiety whenever I leave my dorm room. Despite this I've been really proactive about talking to my parents and have literally told them everything down to the shameful and disgusting thoughts. I'm seeing a counselor soon so hopefully I will feel normal again by next year. I hate the idea of missing out on relationships and having a fun time in school. This thing sucks so much!

[@Vesper243]

Can you guys do a video if you’re bisexual and are dealing with hocd?

[@christinwinterpracht9301]

What do you mean? I am straight and my HOCD had changed into Bi-OCD and that also scares me tremendously. So I am straight and I only want my straight life back but my OCD tortures me with this "Bi-Shit". And what does your OCD/HOCD tell you?

[@Vesper243]

@@christinwinterpracht9301 Just when you know you are bi, but your brain insists along with rocd that you’re gay or in my case lesbian.

[@wunnhunna6943]

@@christinwinterpracht9301omg i have the same thing. rn Im pretty sure that im not gay. But now i have the being bi thoughts and they are even worse. Thought i an the only one!!!!!

[@JaniumCanium]

​@@christinwinterpracht9301Same. But I never really had HOCD, just Bi-OCD cause I was never really gay or having a loss of attraction to women. It still haunts me but I treat it like a friend of mine, challenging me to a different thought, if not, a scary thought again and again. You must always let it come "Bi" (get it?😅) cause the more you think about it, the more value you put on it. The more value you put on it, the more it will feel real, if not, be real. Stay strong brother!

[@JaniumCanium]

And when the thoughts get intense, to the point (in your case) where you feel sensations, feelings to women that you know is fake yet it feels so real, just let it be! I blushed to a woman I admire due to Bi-OCD? Ok, alright, I blushed, did I act on it? No? Ok then! I'll just move on with my life.

[@netabarbakadze-hr5iv]

Can it make you lose attraction to smn you were previously attracted to?((

[@joaobaka8404]

I can't find any evidence that proves that I'm straight, I just feel gay, now when I have sexual thoughts about men I feel a feeling in my chest like I liked it, everything indicates that I'm gay but I still cry when I think this could really happen.

[@OCDRecovery]

Trying to find evidence is a compulsion.

[@joaobaka8404]

@@OCDRecovery i know, but i just want to know if i really don't enjoy this thoughts or if i'm in denial

[@OCDRecovery]

@@joaobaka8404 recovery will involve breaking down the fear of being gay.

[@joaobaka8404]

@@OCDRecovery could you at least tell me how can i know if my thought are intrusive or not? I think this is important to know.

[@AlpHa-gw5gq]

​@@joaobaka8404 hey bro i am also facing the same problem did u found any solution? How to get clarity that the thoughts are unwanted or not.

[@Awakenone05]

When I was in Hocd, my Anus is itching inside and because of that, my mind telling me that "you are gay" But after sometime I found that there is worm inside of my anus and I pull it out. It is about 5 - 6 cm And from that day my anus stop itching inside and now it's normal. But I can't let go the thoughts. I watch so many gay porn and I have no response to it. But the thoughts are killing me inside. When I was normal, I know I always attracted to women but one day I created self doubt like "Am I gay" From that moment it take my whole brain and can't let go of it. I even think about sucide If I'm gay. I don't wanna ruin my life because of this thoughts. I just wanna get out of this thoughts and live normal life. I can't stop thinking and let go of the thoughts. When I think about another things It automatically connected to that thoughts and can't do my work properly and think that my whole brain was loose. It's been 4 months that I suffer from. I quickly forget every thing That I'm doing and saying. Even single word ruin my mind. What should I do? Please help me

[@Edi-jg3yg]

Man try to accept the thought and that u are not gay Try the thought just let go And u will be better

[@ramonalmeidapereira6438]

Im the same boat right now 🥹

[@francogonzalez9615]

ive had this since 2022

[@benjaminobi9201]

Same here mate

[@exposinginsanity]

HOCD used to mean HARM OCD

[@jacksmiggy1690]

I’m struggling because I was touched up as a kid by my friend etc so I’m with my girlfriend now an this has popped up

[@jacksmiggy1690]

Thanks for responding I love my girl so much and this is just getting right in the way do you think it’s to do with the unresolved trauma of when I was a kid

[@mryuvraj18ify]

@@jacksmiggy1690 bro just love your girl youre just bored and thought too much and now you got confused! Youre a real man live your life like one

[@jacksmiggy1690]

Lost my girlfriend and it’s getting worse

[@arjux4724]

what happened and how you feeling right now bro@@jacksmiggy1690

[@mattws5784]

Can understand what your saying to some extent but telling me I should just accept that I’m gay and it’s not the end of the world or life and death either hasn’t got HOCD or is gay, sorry but sexual preference holds strong importance in someone’s identity, you might as well tell people to go and have sex with a man and be gay, it’s not life or death is it? 😊

[@elliottplayle2871]

I’m not saying that - I’m saying that even if you were then you could come to terms with it and make the best of it. The other angle is having compassion

[@lister11811]

Slightly confused by your response as HOCD isn’t someone that is actually Gay. Did you not listen to the video