How Cheating Impacts Your Children’s Relationships

Infidelity is a hurricane that leaves wreckage not only in marriages but ripples through generations. This video delves into the profound impact of a parent's affair on teens and young adults, and how it shapes their future relationships.
💔 Loss of Trust and Abandonment: Affair aftermaths breed fear of rejection, abandonment issues, and a significant loss of trust. The betrayed parent's shame becomes the child's burden, fostering lower self-esteem.
🤔 Confusion and Ambivalence: Secrets, lies, and adult terms create confusion for kids. Ambivalence arises, making them unsure about loving or identifying with the betrayer parent.
😡 Resentment and Acting Out: Many side with the betrayed parent, harboring resentment. Teens may act out due to the inability to express their emotions verbally, resulting in academic decline, violence, or withdrawal from friends.
Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC is a psychotherapist, specializing in intimacy, parenting, body image, and relationships.
Reaction Reset is a self-help series that explains the psychology behind why we react negatively and how we can begin to make a positive change. Subscribe for a new episode every other Wednesday!
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[@bradleywesterford3587]

I was 25 when I found out that my younger brother wasn't my father's child. It definitely changed the way I viewed my mother, and also caused more trust issues in my own romantic relationships.

[@lucdrouin4653]

My wife cheated when my children were 9 and 7. We separated two years later. I kept that secret to protect their innocence and to ensure that their mother’s authority would not be compromised in the following years, which would not have been in their best interest through adolescence. But it was not easy to stay mum. Last year, I broke the news to my 25 yo daughter. She is an adult now and she can reflect. I don’t want her to adopt her crazy mother’s ideas about setting aside marriage vows in order to listen to her feelings. Now she can reflect about the damage infidelity does. Her younger brother still doesn’t know; he will in due time.

[@vedinthorn]

I'm still in the early years about the matter. My ex wife left me for someone else. I keep being told not to undermine her. I can't think of a single rational reason not to.

[@lucdrouin4653]

@@vedinthorn The reason is what is in the best interest of the children. In my case, I deemed not in their best interest to undermine their mother's authority at a young age. You have your own story with your ex-wife and kids. Your answer to the question will be uniquely yours. Regards!

[@smellycat389]

My dad got with another woman (who was married at the time) just 6 weeks after my mom died. I learned that this woman also secretly went to my mom's funeral. Then I heard a rumor (a very probable one given the timeline) that my dad was already in communication of some sort with this woman even while my mom was alive and dying from cancer. My dad has not stopped trying to get my brother and I to accept her because she's "good to him". I don't trust either of them. They are a pair of cheaters who only care about their own feelings. A good reminder that just because you're an adult and a parent, it doesn't make you mature. Not one bit.

[@juliepietruszka5089]

My son has all these feelings about his father that he expresses to me. The way you describe it it exactly what he has been expressing alot lately. Ambivalence towards his father. My son doesnt identify or relate to him. My son is so so different and the total opposite of his father. My son is very honest, trustworthy and has very high morals. He doesn't see any of that in his father and it makes him very ambivalent towards him. We are very religious in our home and we talk about it alot. I try to make him feel safe and that he doesn't have to be like his father and he can be a man of high moral authority even though his role model(his dad) was not and is not that model for him. I try to be thag model for him and teach him right from wrong.

[@nicolenadia1]

Incredible. Almost every man in my father’s family cheated, including him. They all acted like it was no big deal and then wrote the angry kids out of the will. The ones that wanted money pretended like they weren’t upset.

[@juanitadudley4788]

Once, a former co worker approached me to sleep with him. We were in a parking garage. I knew he was just trying to take advantage of the situation. I rejected him. I knew he lived with his girlfriend and young son. I wouldn't have slept with him, anyway. But I've thought about how if he cheated on his son's mother, his son would either think that's ok and cheat when he got older or hate his father for cheating on his mother. And if he grew up to be a cheater, he probably would not respect his mother. I recently listened to a story on the Marriage Helper channel about overcoming infidelity. The father had cheated and they broke up for 3 years before remarrying. The two older kids who were alive then continue to be affected even now decades later by the divorce. The child who was born after they remarried is very strong and confident. The silver lining besides them remarrying is that the Marriage Helper ministry was a result. But, to think that all these years later the two older kids are still affected is mind boggling.

[@Bentoto97]

Are the cheaters usually facing more rejections than for non cheaters who never cheat on a date?

[@PJHEATERMAN]

As a teenager i knew of my fathers affairs and it pissed me off and i vowed id never cheat on my wife. Then my wife cheats on me. Never saw it coming and it really screwed my head up for many years. It's like she died and was reincarnated overnight into this evil person you no longer know. Pretty traumatic stuff to the brain.

[@vedinthorn]

Same thing happened to me. My wife really seems to have died and become this lying scheming she devil wearing my wife's skin. She's my ex wife now and good riddance to her, but it still makes me angry that she would treat me and our children so disrespectfully.

[@ronlapka5015]

Thanks so much for this. Could you do a video about how to best parent teenagers through a divorce caused by an affair? That would also be helpful. Thanks again 🙏🏻

[@MaryJoRapini]

Great idea for a future video

[@Bentoto97]

@@MaryJoRapini Excuse me ma'am, if your boyfriend is in the past or your husband cheated on you in a relationship, especially if you got cheated more than once, would you always reject those who cheated on you in the past?

[@Bentoto97]

Do cheaters usually experience more rejections than for people who don't cheat in a relationship?

[@MaryJoRapini]

@@Bentoto97I have made several more videos regarding this topic. Stay tuned.

[@bertastacio9018]

Excellent video and explanation.

[@denisships2861]

I got the response that it was done in order to expand the network to guarantee the success of the female in case the father pass away or is unable to provide opportunities for the kids as they grow up rationalizing it like an instinct to have more males willing to protect and provide or grant job opportunities for their ambitions. Is a hard topic peraonally is another excuse better assume the consequence not all is power and upgrade in social class

[@runwiththewind3281]

thank you

[@evilardern4156]

Thank you

[@ph10wed]

But what about when the cheater is treated royalty by their kids and their stay at home dad is almost abandoned. Anyone experienced this as the betrayed party?

[@AngieMoTheWeatherHo]

Yes! I've been that child going through it

[@nicolenadia1]

Yep. My cheating father took my brother and his family on a trip to Hawaii, with the mistress, to gain his loyalty. The mistress moved into my mom’s house a month after her funeral and everyone is so happy for him to have ‘met’ someone new but no one knows she been around homewrecking for 20 years.

[@AngieMoTheWeatherHo]

@@nicolenadia1 🥹

[@seemabidhan4786]

I hate my mother

[@guwo1954]

Lol I hate my father

[@vedinthorn]

You probably should.

[@user-dm1xh6bz3i]

I have zero trust with women