How Do I Get My Betrayed Partner to Trust Me Again after Infidelity?

Today you'll hear Samuel share time tested insight into how the unfaithful can eventually regain trust and safety with their betrayed partner: www.affairrecovery.com/surviv...
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“The Recovery Library gave me 24/7 support because I could be up at 3am and search for the topic I was struggling with. It also helped as a couple because we could investigate topics together so it wasn’t subjective. I trusted this information because it was from professionals who also had lived through and recovered from infidelity. Double credibility in my book.”
- Amanda, Florida
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Samuel is an infidelity survivor and is one of many contributors to Affair Recovery's Survivors’ Blog, www.affairrecovery.com/our-blog. He participated in Affair Recovery's courses developed by founder and infidelity expert Rick Reynolds, LCSW. After finding healing, hope, and new life, Samuel wishes to share his journey and what AffairRecovery.com has to offer with others so they too can find hope and healing.

[@michaelroberts3898]

One of the worst things my wife ever said to me after d day came out of the narcissistic bubble of a wayward spouse. I was trying to answer the question that was consuming me. How far back do I need to go to find when we had something real and I wasn’t being lied to? She answered my questions up to a point and I kept trying to get the whole truth. She said How can you do this to me? I can report that over time trust was rebuilt. D day was 20 years ago. Like rebuilding a home, rebuilding trust starts at the foundation. I pushed that all things great and small needed to be true. Where are you going? When will you be back? Who else will be there? Will you call if you’re running late? Eventually we overcame the affair. Some people might say that it is always there like ghosts in a haunted house. The thing is we got through it so I don’t believe in ghosts. Last week, we made it to our 32nd anniversary.

[@kquestvision7248]

@michaelriberts3898 That’s so awesome! THANK YOU for this RAY OF HOPE!!! ☀️

[@kripaanish7969]

Betrayal is the deadliest pain in this planet...

[@samshealingpodcast]

it is awful but i'm glad you're here and i hope the videos are helping.

[@kquestvision7248]

It’s definitely up there!!! I’ve lost a child and mom both to cancer…those pains were deadlier to me, but betrayal is DEFINITELY right after! I just told my unfaithful this yesterday.😢

[@blazerprophet]

In my opinion, genuine faith and trust are gone forever after a betrayal. Both are based on facts: facts that state, "In my heart [faith] and mind [trust] I know my spouse will never betray me. After the betrayal, those permanent facts change forever. Any form of building trust have easy workarounds. I recommend to betrayers to prove to themselves daily they can be trusted and let it go at that.

[@swedesspeedshop2518]

It's one thing to betray and destroy your own spouse "which is bad enough" but then to also betray and destroy the affair partners spouse that had nothing to do with it at all ? Not to mention kids and family . How narcissistic and self entitled do you have to be to destroy so many lives for your own selfish pleasures ?

[@turbo1gts]

The unfaithful has to own their sh*t. No reservations, no qualifications. They also have to recognize and acknowledge the pain they have caused. When the betrayed confronts you, when the hurt flows out from them to you, you have to accept it. Don't blame shift/deny, don't excuse yourself. If there were demotivational issues in the marriage, you will get your chance to bring them up eventually. Your betrayed has to be able to get at least some of the pain off their chest first. If you absorb that pain without anger or judgement, you will be able to air your concerns, too, eventually. If you take responsibility, your betrayed will see the change of heart and you will get credit for it. Eventually. If not, that might be a boundary that you set for the relationship. You can't be a doormat going forward, but maybe at first you will have to act like one. After all, you caused a lot of pain. Don't devalue their suffering by denying it.

[@d-man5482]

Thank you 4 your channel Sam! Although I couldnt save my marriage your channel helped me through the dark period of Isolation and Abandonment ... was the most hardest, borderline suicidal thing I ever went thru. God bless your channel, may he be with you and multiply your blessings for your great work 🙏

[@samshealingpodcast]

honored I could help in some small way. appreciate your kind words and encouragement so much. thank you

[@richellesmitley9107]

Best video yet. Felt like my life in so many complex ways

[@samshealingpodcast]

so glad I could help my friend. means a ton to get feedback like that.

[@chrismarshall8855]

Thank you Sam. I needed this message. Very much weary in recovery right now. This really injects hope. :)

[@samshealingpodcast]

so glad my friend. i'm honored to help in any way i can.

[@Sean_Re]

I'm a betrayed and my wife is doing a lot. But she gets defensive and accuses me of attacking her if I express negative opinions. No yelling. Like once I said she was cold hearted (during the affair) and she said I was attacking her. Even talking about the affair in general will make her squirm if I do it "too much". She wants breaks from talking about it. I want breaks from thinking about it. I don't get them. She does. What is talking about it too much? What is considered attacking and what is just expressing anger and pain? Also I have been pursuing her and it's making me feel uncomfortable because I wish for her to pursue me and to win me back. Why am I the only one pursuing?

[@Sean_Re]

@@samshealingpodcast Thank you for responding. It means a lot to me. I have started the boot camp. I have read the article and sent it to her. I've never felt like this in my life even though I've suffered from depression since I was a child. I didn't know these depths were possible. I hope to save enough to enroll in the programs soon. Thank you and the rest of the team there.

[@zelinafrost]

Or how about-I don’t trust myself, I am actually not trustworthy yet, I actually have a whole lot of work to do and not just kid myself that I’m doing it when I’m still doing pretty much everything still not to look at myself. It’s my problem that I just look like I am something I am not and I’m actually really really skilled at that. Of course you shouldn’t trust me… and maybe how I can even make that work for me-I’ll make you the bad guy… over and over

[@JDubGirl]

That was amazing. Call it was one of the most helpful videos.

[@samshealingpodcast]

thank you for the kind words. i'm so glad it helped

[@Passionhearted1]

Spot on. Stay Blessed❤

[@SquirrelFriend420]

Thank you so much for what you do. I sincerely appreciate you.

[@smokedawg9371]

One of your best Sam, thanks!

[@samshealingpodcast]

means so much. thank you for the encouragement.

[@RC-fl9qz]

Here we go again,my poor choices are because I wasn't raised right. Again, someone else's fault

[@gerlengutierrez6368]

Thank you Samuel, im enlightened how terrible i am and now i understand how my husband feels after whst i'ved done

[@katsarti9224]

thankyou sam💚

[@samshealingpodcast]

pleasure my friend.

[@florencemorgan2674]

I told my wayward, I am not in love with him anymore. Because that man was an illusion. As he was living a double life, and I was lied to for 23 to 24 years. I just asked him last week to tell me what he wanted in a wife, if we were to recommit? I also asked, what type of husband would I be getting in return? I gave him over a week to think this over. Tonight we are supposed to talk about this. I have to keep the communication going, or we might as well as divorce.

[@florencemorgan2674]

He sees two therapist a week one csat one csat for EMDR. Plus paid for couses with Rob Weiss. I will tell him, but I'm done wasting money on this myself. Coming up to way over250,000 dollars on his affairs and his recovery.

[@vitocianciulli1263]

Same situation, how did it work out. How did you both respond to the question you asked him

[@jessiesheldon-huffey1824]

I feel like you are telling my story. I do not know who I have been with for the last 23 years because he has hidden things and lied, I was in love with an illusion. I'm leaning towards divorce

[@heatherstutzman2665]

I am the unfaithful spouse, and I am SO remorseful and guilty and feel horrible. I feel like a lot of resources show the dynamic of the unfaithful spouse being frustrated with the betrayed spouse being upset still, or that the unfaithful spouses are having a hard time cutting ties, or seeing what they did wasnt that bad. I am the opposite. I am utterly devastated by what i did. I'm begging for forgiveness and doing everything in my power to show him I've changed. Do you have any advice with dealing with the guilt and shame? My spouse is hanging our marriage over our head and i feel like if i say or do one thing wrong, he will leave me. I feel like its so far away from him even coming close to moving on. Any advice?

[@classicbeauty9373]

We are living the same life. It’s been 5 years for me since d day and nothing has changed. I hope your betrayed starts healing soon.

[@karinajenke2155]

I’m in the same boat. I feel horrible and have since day one and have been doing everything I possibly can, but feel like his anger and hurt has only gotten worse. I feel so lost. Praying for you and your husband! Hopefully Sam will respond with some tips. 💜

[@TheForeverLoveKD]

How to help the betrayed heal and believe us again

[@maricelamonsisvais8633]

I left my significant other because of my betrayal and I cannot learn to forgive myself. I just every day knowing the harm I did and I just feel so lost. Therapy doesn’t seem to help me either at this point 😢

[@user-qs1fo6vz1n]

This!!! This is exactly what I’m going thru. I’m trying so hard. I’m in therapy. I’m so full of guilt and shame..my partner switches back and forth between wanting to work on our relationship to saying it’s too soon to and that I’ve killed our marriage and ruined his life. I own that, I sit in the pain with him but sometimes I feel so hopeless….it’s been six months…will this ever get any better??

[@daniellemcgee8993]

How do I contact one of your counselors without signing up for a program?

[@KimB-ns1go]

There's no way I would be loving towards someone, or fight for a untrustworthy relationship, or be intimate or close with ANYONE without trusting them! What's the point of trust in that case? Maybe I'm misunderstanding this - but that sounds completely wild, whether you're just "shooting for it" or actually doing it! :/

[@HonorMom]

YEP!

[@samshealingpodcast]

back at ya

[@kelybigdeal]

Too little too late. Should have seen this video 8 years ago

[@eccomiqua7960]

I honestly believe that trust must be restored on BOTH sides. If someone reached the point to betray their spouse they evidently did not trust their spouse anymore as being able to work things out, to cerate a relationship made of reciprocal support, complicity. So as a betrayed spouse I always think my husband crushed my trust, but somehow he THOUGHT there was no hope within our relationship to create a working and healthy rapport. I am NOT justifying what he did that was vile and unfair, but it helps me understand.

[@veronicalagor4771]

No, don’t try blaming betrayal on someone else. An adult talks to their spouse, not blames it on them AFTER doing an unforgivable, cruel act.