How do I move from being a ‘place card’ to a priority?

Joey writes, “Dear Susan, thanks-the way you advocate authenticity is so refreshing. You’ve talked about people having you in reserve/place card, and how you should get up and move on. My question is what is the best way to do this? How much of a conversation should there be? I’ve been seeing a guy I really like for a while and would like more but I feel that I’m stuck as an option not a priority.”
Work with me: susanwinter.net/consultation/
The Dating Games Guide: You know you're being played, but what's the game?
And what's your countermove?
Not to worry. I’ve got you covered: susanwinter.retrieve.com/stor...
The Older Women | Younger Men Dating Guide:
Dating a younger man and wondering if it will last?
Attracted to an older woman and not sure how to make your move?
Answers to all your age gap questions: susanwinter.retrieve.com/stor...
Rough breakup?
Check out: Breakup Triage; The Cure for Heartache
Audible: www.audible.com/pd/Self-Develo...
Amazon: www.amazon.com/Breakup-Triage...
Wondering how to benefit from life's challenges?
Allowing Magnificence; Living the Expanded Version of Your Life
www.amazon.com/dp/1479176087?...

[@feliolipa3851]

you just made me realise that i ve been holding on to someone for no important reason, just emotional attachment and getting crumbs in return.Its time to move on now.Thanx

[@silvermine2033]

Same here for years.

[@hepi_hepi]

I'm addicted to your videos. They are healthy. Thank you dear beautiful Susan.

[@SusanWinter]

Hi POV, and thank you!!

[@Annykah803]

Absolutely, healthy is really the right word here!

[@lorettaknoelk3475]

Should not beg for love

[@cherieestbien1902]

OH. WoW. This is perfect....Thank uuuuuuu, Loretta.....We should not beg for love....it's not for me, but for a friend........this is the perfect comeback for what she is doing to herself........

[@k.w.1459]

I just read this elsewhere and had to find your video, Susan, and share: "A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it."

[@DONT4GET_SUNSCREEN]

Ms. Susan, You're like the favorite aunt, sister, best friend! You give great advice without being harsh but you won't sugar coat your words. Glad I discovered your channel.💖

[@SusanWinter]

Ohhhhh, dear Ms. Peaches. You make me smile. Thank you!

[@RoundSquareX]

Susan, this is better than any therapy session, I've had years of it and still been clueless to dating. You actually give information that creates solutions. I may never partner but I think I can walk away sooner and cut the heart ache by 75 percent. I do enjoy the benefits of being single, I compose music, edit KZbin videos, I study human history, research politicians. Some have said, I have too much time... but it's mine to have and not theirs.

[@katrin6388]

what makes me want someone is the fact that they show interest, i get my needs met, we have good conversations and a lot in common. its not a superficial thing, there is somewhat of a bond there, but it´s hard to notice they just arent that into u. especially if in the beginning, it seemed ike it.

[@anaortiz4578]

This video made me open my eyes! I'm always longing for love, and always picturing a "mr. Right" that I would want to date, but in reality I'm always dating or falling for the opposite of what I describe, I tend to go for the player, the womanizer, the narcissist. And I always blame them for being who they are, like "if only he wasn't a player we would've last" and things like that, but it was always me who discarded the "good ones" and went for the obviously bad ones. I feel that I used that as an excuse for my lack of commitment in relationships. I like the rush and the idea of love as you said it, but my actions say otherwise. I think I have to work on my issues first. I'm really glad that I discovered your channel, lots of love from Colombia 🇨🇴

[@neilliu7866]

I have been applying your methods and being authentic instead staying silent about my feelings. Now he is treating me so well . Thank you so much ,Susan

[@jazzjo456]

I hope your partner is still treating you better and that it lasts forever because I am sceptical😏. A tiger will never change its stripes.

[@kat9587]

Thank you for asking us to look within. I always picked situations with a “back door” and rode the emotional highs and lows of a drama-filled romantic connection. I was the one who’s hooked on the drama and non-comital dynamic. The only way to get out of it is to fix my self - where all issues and therefore solutions lie ❤️

[@Cooniez]

Appreciate the insight and analysis of how we sometimes give love and attention to people who don't necessarily deserve it. I am currently going through this and have "ended" things with someone for the 5th(?) or 6th time- basically asking him to respect my boundaries, don't reach out to me and to let me go if he can't do what it takes to actually make this work. I care about him, we had fun together and we had a connection that I am sure he realizes now is hard to replicate, but I just can't be stuck anymore. Letting him keep one foot in the proverbial door has kept me from moving on completely, so I need to close the door on that painful chapter in my life.

[@amyjacquelineg.9541]

I like that you put the question in to our own court & it’s not always about the other person. Really changed my thinking.👌🏻

[@onlyyoumytaem]

THANK YOU for asking that question. I've been in a hot and cold relationship for quite a while. Your question enlightened me as to what did I like in him that made me stand this kind of situation. Now I am clear in myself that a combination of things comes into play. I'll carry on with my life without trying to get his attention.

[@mariar3136]

Wow!!!!! Today I actually made a list of what I'm looking for in a partner and that made it easier to cross off a certain person I've been stuck in a hot and cold pattern. This video just reinforced my decision of letting it go. Synchronicity. 🦄🌌🙌😲

[@apphea001]

Sometimes we’re attracted to a problematic person because they remind us of a problematic ex from our past

[@JuicyFruityify]

Susan, you ...are saving lives here. Thank you so much.

[@CorporateQueen]

How you move from placecard? You find someone who values you.

[@FrancesDFlanagan]

You are amazing Susan and so spot on! I learn more from a five minute video from you than an hour of psychotherapy 😊

[@susangj300]

My Gawd you're brilliant!! You are so good at life. I always look forward to listening to what you have to say and I'm often reminded of things that I need to hear.

[@SusanWinter]

Suzy, I've seen your wonderful commentary for quite sometime now. I'm so pleased to have people such as yourself in my KZbin family!

[@lo-fidreamsASMR]

This was much needed. Especially the self-reflection part. Thank you!!

[@SusanWinter]

Glad you like it.

[@Amanda-kr3ss]

You're getting younger. Look great. Thanks for all the teaching.

[@jasminej6281]

Wow you're just amazing omg. Thank you so much really. You always speak to me. I've seen many coaches that speak about the most obvious daily stuff but you, you always hit the hummer on the head and make so much sense. I appreciated.

[@SusanWinter]

Jasmine, I appreciate this note- thank you

[@jimmypennington3833]

You're pretty awesome that was a good video thank you so much I just don't know which way to go she is still coming into my life and so she's the one who broke up with me and and said she was dying she was with somebody talking to somebody so what should I do thank you

[@lovelyjoy.01]

Spot on , I was currently going over this in my mind about a guy I'm seeing at the moment

[@RoundSquareX]

Thank you Susan! Things are starting to look clearer now. Amazing!

[@HeavenlyMe1111]

You always have wise things to say.. thank you!

[@SusanWinter]

Thanks, Micheline

[@samanthajones2360]

Susan, you are a gift from GOD.Than you, thank you, thank you.

[@SusanWinter]

THANK YOU Samantha.

[@humanyoda]

I enjoy the way you express your thoughts. You are able to express complex thoughts in a digestible manner.

[@deboraheden6418]

I seriously love and appreciate your take/ perspective on relationships Susan💕💕💕

[@onm9128]

You're such an amazing mentor, Sussan. I'm glad you showed up in my 'u-tube' rader.

[@skyryder91]

This was my question. Susan is amazing! I'm still reflecting on your question back to me, Susan. Part of it might be echoes of things involving previous relationships for which I still have regrets. Now the question is... do I still go forward and try to explore this emotionally. :P

[@zp4450]

I was an option for 11 years. I was inevitably discarded and then forced to come to terms with it after silent treatment and off to a new supply right away. I have been no contact for 10 months and feel and look better after no more toxins from the “relationship”. Although still difficult I know his ghosting was an absolute blessing in disguise. Still working towards feeling indifference towards the narc. Your videos help. Thank you!

[@ccjailen]

You're so good at what you do. Brilliant!

[@junegacutan1308]

Walked away from a past person 2+ years back, with a teenage daughter, after hearing that anything outside his marriage is just an option. He started texting at the start of the pandemic and until he still does keeping me posted on the quarantine status even when he's with someone. When I bid goodbye, he said to be a better man in the future. Prayed to find him after being grade school seatmates.

[@victoriaring3846]

What wisdom! Enjoy your videos.

[@mistakey3922]

I love you Susan ... you explained the reason behind bad choices ... wow ... this is amazing . I never thought about this . Thank you for the clarity .

[@ButchBrakebill]

Your insights and advice are refreshingly enlightening. You are on the right mission. Brilliant!

[@vivekamar99]

Lovely advice as usual. I must've listened to the second half three or four times!

[@sysstemerror]

Empowered 🙏🏻 thanks!

[@genna2586]

Awesome topic and great insight. You are really good at explaining these sensitive and personal subject.

[@rosamariaspage8204]

As always great advice

[@tomsavannah1886]

I've seen a few of your videos and I leave with a much better clarity on what things really are versus what things seem to be. Very helpful for normal people who are made to feel like the crazies who they try to be reasonable with.

[@fabioottolini1103]

Priceless video. Priceless!

[@ralu1651]

Yes, it is my situation; is NOT the person but my overall status. THANK YOU VERY MUCH AGAIN for being here to put us on the right path. (now please tell me why I’m crying and laughing in the same time)... the joy of life : ))) or : (((

[@soulcake76]

You are so brilliant!!!!

[@shanetoliver4115]

This video spoke in my life!!! On time today!

[@cherieestbien1902]

Speaking the truth is a gentle way!!!!!

[@lymanmayhew935]

Awesome as always!

[@robynlobana]

I just came across your videos, I love them!

[@BarbaraSzorad]

Great answer! Also the reflection part as to why this guy is so interesting and why choosing him and what it says about me... :-)

[@sandrabiekmann7424]

Yes great question.. (Perhaps it is about time too learn something..) (new or opening up.. more..)

[@whisperingwind7730]

Great perspective Susan!!! Good questions to ask ourselves... Thank u for sharing~ Ur Awesome!!!! 🙌🏻☺️

[@SusanWinter]

Lovely comment, Whispering Wind. Thank you.

[@doranda137]

God bless you Susan! I am learning so much from watching your videos! Thank you!

[@Anewrevelationformine]

Your content is amazing!! It helps me so much!

[@headoverheels_beauty3898]

Thank you! ❤

[@infinitywarrior1017]

Thank you beautiful Susan !

[@ewelinamajcherek2098]

Woow, it's such a good advice Susan😍 thank u a lot for your videos!!

[@alwaysattractinggreatthings]

I’ve asked myself that question over and over again! I’m just very physically attractive to him ! 😬 he’s so yummy and we have crazy chemistry! It’s very intense! He makes me feel beautiful and powerful! I love the feeling when I talk to him and when I’m around him . Butterflies 🦋 every time ! It’s an amazing experience and feeling ! I’m in my forty’s and he’s 26 years old. ❤️ he gives such an amazing feeling that I haven’t felt in twenty something years! I feel unstoppable! I went back to school and I’m working on my physical, emotionally and spiritually. He lights up my fire 🔥! 🤩☺️🕯😍

[@alwaysattractinggreatthings]

@@habanero6332 wow 🤩 and how’s that working for you? Mines says he’s not ready for marriage. Which is a little understandable. But I don’t want anyone else. And I want to marry him. But I don’t want to waste my time waiting around for him . Because of our age differences. Are you guys married?

[@nathalies1615]

🤩 waouh Suzanne, so powerful... I just used it to tell my statements to a man. His immediate answer was " ok I made a mistake " Thank you for your precious graphique, Nath from France, with love

[@leeirakira6457]

U really good. Like eyes opener for me. Lots of Ur videos giving me fluent advise about my choice of happiness. Tq. I really appreciate it. ^^

[@anaguerrerosholisticwellbe2788]

Nice observation. If you are interested in pursuing an avoidant person in example (or cold, distant, wishy washy), this tells something about you and it may be that in reality you don't want a relationship yourself.

[@niclesnyc]

Susan, you look beautiful, always a pleasure to hear your great advice.

[@lorraineburke-shapeupafter50]

You are amazing Susan,thank you for your video's

[@paristaylor8785]

Your hair looks fabulous !!!

[@meerkatsuricata9729]

Great information.

[@Modnyy]

Ouuu I feel like I’ve been using the “I” statements wrong and I didn’t realize until you explained in this great way. I need to be more positive with it

[@lorettaknoelk3475]

Yeah people show you how they feel about you. So I think instead you need to date people that want to put you at the top

[@Oceanusnovas-um2zf]

Loretta Knoelk Yess

[@user-on2vu1jk1c]

I like your very principled position!

[@shivanandibm8712]

Love it!

[@MM-lr5hv]

I am in very confusing new religion right now. I am from Bangladesh. I am 44 and have two young children. Also I am an ex Muslim. But I am trying to have a new happy life and really want have a great relationship which I never had in 13 years . Thank you Susan for all your hard work to help women to understand this relationship . I wish you long healthy happy life to help more.

[@cherylcuttineau7916]

Thank you!

[@luvlytxchicpr445]

I like the concept of a relationship but don't always want the commitment to sustain it. I guess with the right one it won't seem as a chore because both partners will be putting in the same effort. Maybe I am enjoying my singleness way too much...😉

[@SusanWinter]

Hi Luvly. There's nothing wrong with being single. And if you don't see that type of committed relationship you like, I suggest you create your own romantic model that works specifically for you and your disposition.

[@luvlytxchicpr445]

+Susan Winter Thanks, Susan. Great suggestion.

[@lorettaknoelk3475]

LuvlyTXchic PR really???

[@leeorsay2571]

LuvlyTXchic PR ,So cute

[@Oceanusnovas-um2zf]

LuvlyTXchic PR I feel like how you feel for far too long ...🌝

[@GilliMarieMoody]

Excellent.

[@LootableCorpse]

I was the 1000th like

[@karenlynn9001]

Love this✌

[@hgfw9295]

Yes the people we choose is def the mirror for our real needs. We live in the denial tho bcuz society wants women to be this and that. Well I think women go thru phases in life. There really is nothing wrong in accepting the role of an occasional lover. As soon as you realize it you will feel at peace and guess what....they just might start to chase you more. They be like "what the hell she not texting me first so much no more?!" Lol Be playfull bcuz its your game too now right?!

[@quintinfew3621]

I need a caring women like you. Much love ❤️

[@lisaa6099]

This chick is fabulous.

[@ivispark3780]

Yeah. Married and this is happening. Unfortunately we have gone round and round with this. I’m always the one that has to say something.

[@peternorthrup6274]

How? Find the right person. She should be the first person in your life. The person you can't wait to get home to. Friends come and go. When you wake up in the morning. The first thing you do is kiss her, hold her, then tell her how much you love her. Same thing the next day. Hold on tight. The rest will take care of itself.

[@Abundance26]

Hi Susan, I sit here listening to this video trying to figure out what is it about this person that makes me want to be with them when you said ''did they activated something in you that you didn't know was there? Have they awakened something that you want to explore?'' And it did click. He is no different than other guys that I've been with. In fact, he has a mixture of them if that makes sense but there is also something different at the same time. Prior to him, I've always been afraid of rejection so I would never want to be affectionate. When I got involved with him, he wasn't afraid of showing affection so that made me feel okay in doing the same. At the same time, I realized that I was also comfortable enough in being more open with him than I was with others and that he matches me on a certain level but... emotionally, he's a bit immature. Ugh

[@barbarawilson3153]

Yeah I absolutely know a person like that

[@nataleenriosgonzalez6687]

thanks you ☺️

[@trannyglitter12]

Thank you Susan!

[@Diabeteslovewithdee]

A great question from Susan, What is it about him that makes me willing to wait for him? Why do I want him? Did he activate something in me or awaken something in me? You are truly a great psychotherapist Susan!

[@Mereship]

Great video Susan! I love your advice and being open and honest about what you need and want. How do I know when to have this conversation? Eight dates in? Three months in?

[@shelleysanders9666]

I must be old-fashioned (I am 57), but I don't think it's right to multiple date.. I want a man to be so impressed by me that he wants to be exclusive from the beginning. Seems to me so many these days are like 'kids in the candy store', thinking there's always someone better out there. Fate presents them with the perfect person/s, but they can't see it! (Note some lie and say they want a proper relationship & exclusivity but don't, as Susan says. I caught out my ex active on dating sites 3 times though he agreed exclusivity from date 3).

[@peternorthrup6274]

Are you kidding? After are second date I was outside washing my jeep. She tracked me down. Found out where I lived and showed up. I was shocked that someone thought enough of me to do that. I married her 33 years ago. She is my girl. There is no way a woman is going to put up with a man dating other women. It's her. Or no one. She won't invest the time. She will move on.

[@ranasalam1]

100% and if she does she’s denying herself her basics: respect, growth, security and real love. But like myself , i had issues with self esteem and that can be a hidden element that needs a lot of self awareness to be able to work on and know you are worthy of love and start attracting the right situation, of been number 1.

[@mankydave67]

But did she help you wash the jeep?

[@AzumaRikimaru]

ty susan! If anyone has success stories please post them below!

[@annclark2445]

Thank you How would you handle when you tried of being last for years of marriage

[@alexandergentle8244]

What's the best way to get a question answered on one of your KZbin videos thank you

[@violettah878]

Your nice top, where is that from? Love it!

[@AkaHeart1]

Hello Susan!! Well, my dilemma....how do you end a marriage of over 40 years respectively? He’s a great guy and a good provider but we have been separated in spirit for 12 years due to medical reasons and PTSD? My greatest concern is the PTSD from a broken heart when I break this news to him and therefore the reason why I’ve stayed. I’m sure you understand my reluctance without mentioning it in this forum as to his reaction. Thank you for ALL your insightful videos....I truly LISTEN and have learned much!! 🔥NAMASTE🔥

[@SusanWinter]

HI Somewhere in Time, and thanks for your note. I'd like to help you through this but I can't do it on a written basis. Feel free to check out my consultation page. Best wishes.

[@bavynever9833]

Hey, the problem is we spoke for 3 months in a long distance relationship, he shared so many things about his family, work, showed extreme interest in our relationship and the day I confessed my feelings for him, just walked away saying he didn't feel the same about me.. We had made plans for a vacation together and all of her sudden he asked me to move on, no reasons stated... He was my friend, at least that's what I thought about him, he then blocked me, deleted me from everywhere with no explanation... Do help😢😢😢

[@jazzjo456]

Damn i actually reflected and i realised there isn't one damn good reason why him ! It put things into perspective and that weight and hurt has been lifted off my chest. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@kumbanigumba5885]

I love you

[@derikvars3875]

So what do ya do when you haven't been a priority in years (almost 10) but there is some love and trust left?

[@theroyalone7588]

If we’re both friends am I still suppose to take the same advice from this video ??!

[@LemansSunset350]

Can you talk about situationships, aka pseudo relationships?

[@theraven5993]

How do I find older women who are willing to have a relationship with a mature 26 year old? Where would you meet them

[@tarashan5465]

The Raven me! Here !🙂

[@Ssookawai]

Look for mature people regardless of their age. If you find someone who's 23, then why not. (And I'm saying this as a 31 years old woman, focus on the right stuff, age is just a number).

[@jazzjo456]

@@Ssookawai R Kelley said the same words and look where he ended up. Age is just not a number !

[@talentedshawn6263]

I like her pick up lines

[@urvashisingh2135]

I am in love with you !!