How Narcissists Use Projection in Arguments

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[@janakakumara3836]

My mother repeatedly told me and everybody around me that I was a selfish child. I was 4 years old.

[@dire12343]

Some mothers are what cause their children to grow up into ted bundy!!!

[@adaliantsiki]

​@@dire12343 Ted Bundy was fucked up

[@sharonthompson672]

​@@dire12343 I think in THIS scenario, mom is ted bundy.

[@kynathomas4809]

That's something my mom has always said about me but it's not true.

[@pinnataisabella]

My mom said once she would let people raped me. I was 12.

[@_Julie_Bee]

What's really infuriating is when the narcissist has read about narcissism and accuses you of projecting everytime you call them out..

[@fiddleg8r]

​@Somero5115 good point. It's hard not to call out a narcissist if you're outspoken.

[@_Julie_Bee]

@@Somero5115 I'm not talking about some random person I encounter, but a very specific two ppl. One is the OG narcissist who was actually brought to justice after yrs of abuse on my family and me and the other is one of his victims who suffered alot of trauma and is suffering from the personality disorder now.

[@fiddleg8r]

@Somero5115 you don't have to speak up every time you disagree with a narcissist's behavior. But that's the hard part for some people. I always want to fight back.

[@normastone1044]

​@@fiddleg8r I know, but it really doesn't help you. It generally backfires and gives them ammunition to use against you. They aren't interested in making a truthful, reasonable argument, they just want to win.

[@josephinemiller68]

Calling someone a narcissist makes you the diagnostician And you are not qualified. Makes you quite arrogant and narcissistic. Call people out on their behavior, Be specific. Stop calling them narcissist narcissist or anything else for that matter. Be positive role model

[@niccolleholder]

This is so spot on!! I spent years arguing with a narc and he would say things to me, and I'd be left so confused...because no, that's what YOU do and what YOU are. I couldn't understand why he'd say things he was, to me. He is the reason I started studying psychology, so something good happened from that part of my life.

[@edgreen8140]

Vulnerables narcs often call you a derrogatory pet name like bothersome. They are the ones who are chronically antagonistic.

[@zlm001]

I've seen this all the time. If the get accused of something or called something new, within a few days at most you'll hear them accuse or call someone else that same thing they were called. It stands out especially when they've never used that accusation or phrase before, and now after they're called that suddenly they're accusing someone else of that same thing.

[@purplerain2314]

That's very true.

[@jodiely7983]

I have experienced the same that you are describing. A new word weapon they can use on others.

[@Aaron-kj8dv]

Id like to see a video on therapy speech entering the lexicon and how that effects behavior. In my experience its almost always the worst people who use it because to them its like a tool they can beat people over the head with and not a thing to understand themselves.

[@n.g.l.]

So essentially because of their wickedness they make themselves paranoid. That’s wild bro hope they get better soon, without me 🙏🏽

[@coutureleotards]

It's straight bs when your the receiver of the feedback. The shock when your balanced and accusations reflect all their behavior 😮. I don't know if I was more furious that they recognized their own behavior and reflected it on me or if I understood exactly what was going on and after 23 years finally had the aha moment. I'm not a mean person but at this point all narcissist can kick rocks 🤨, it's devastating to a balanced person who becomes prey to the narcissist 😢

[@purplerain2314]

They don't get better. It's a lifelong thing and they are unlikely to reach out for professional support.

[@shrub8644]

​@@purplerain2314 It might be a good outlook from a narcissist's victims perspective to not hopelessly stay with an abusive person, but there are narcissists out there who are seeking therapy, and can get better. I guess a better way to put is that they CAN change, but most of the time, they won't.

[@purplerain2314]

@@shrub8644 That's right, which is why I said they were "unlikely" to seek support, which does leave room for some who do.

[@purplerain2314]

Once you know a certain person is a narcissist, you can't ever take what they say at face value without analysing first. They sure do keep you on your toes, so to speak.

[@terywetherlow7970]

I stopped listening to him.

[@saywhisky8522]

This right here ☝️ 110%

[@soilmanted]

@ Purple Rain Where are all these "narcissists" coming from? I've never encountered anyone who seemed like a narcissist as I've heard the condition described. Not in 75 years.

[@Blissfulnessence]

@@soilmanted 👍

[@mkuti-childress3625]

⁠​⁠​⁠@@soilmanted I think that people are called narcissists now who may not have the actual personality disorder, but who have a pattern of narcissistic behavior, at least towards the person describing them. I know a few people I believe are narcissistic. Every bit of advice psychologists give about dealing with narcissists applies to them perfectly, whether or not they have the diagnosis.

[@PJAndersson733]

This is such a tragedy to be raised with one as your caregiver. They completely and totally warp your young impressionable mind into believing it is YOU that is the monster. Some never recover from the damage. They effectively ruin someone’s life. It takes great courage and strength to overcome the damage done by a Narcissist. I wish there was a way to screen for these people especially as parents. Children are in just as much danger if not more danger from these types as much as physical abuse. Ugh. It makes me sick thinking about any child around a narc.

[@lola-sophiedanton5801]

My mother always told me that I was "born of malice" and that I was manipulative even as a baby (I cried a lot). That certainly fucked me up. Sometimes I think that I will never be able to live a life without therapeutic help. So thank you, for seeing the harm it does and recognizing it!

[@t.c.o.g.773]

Whenever they deflect they just explain to you exactly who they are

[@cathy9485]

How true. My dad used to call me names like jealous, mean, trouble maker and I always felt it didn’t make sense. He was doing this to make himself look good to someone he wanted to impress.

[@minormunitions]

Wow, NOW I understand her irrational rebuttals.

[@janetroberts5140]

Narcissist spouse I had called my friends toxic before he ever met them! I read him as being toxic himself.

[@dustinnukem5458]

What?

[@sharonthompson672]

Yes! 🖐️ My similar experience. 👍

[@jodiely7983]

I had a sister in law who used projection frequently. She must have looked up the keywords to use because she would throw them into a conversation like she was studying for a vocabulary test. I think it made her feel more intelligent than those around her. Another tactic she would use is to befriend men and women who were “beneath” her in appearance or intelligence. Once she gained his/her loyalty (by attention and flattery), she would manipulate them for what she needed. Sadly, she also preyed upon wealthy, lonely, elderly people. This woman lived an entire lifetime manipulating everyone to get what she wanted.

[@paulwolf8444]

" Sir, you do not know what you are talking about," Anthony Fauci to Rand Paul.

[@Blissfulnessence]

Ha!

[@ritabradley643]

Agree with you

[@alwaysgrowing7273]

My narc said I gaslit him by making a sound after he said something😂 Albeit, I was annoyed with him and the relationship was nearing its end so I was nearing the end of my tolerance. Sounds don’t qualify as gaslighting…

[@normastone1044]

They will say anything to win an argument and their energy to pursue their goals is astounding.

[@Melissa-Sue]

Thanks doctor, I needed that explained.

[@sarahb4484]

This is scary it’s not difficult to define the word envious in actions when you can realize how sad it is the lack of compassion in this world. As much as I get hurt I will never stop loving humans in general and feel happy with others happiness and achievements. This narcissistic destructive disorder is too complex and painful to recover from. I pray daily to recover and come back to myself.

[@quietstorm6488]

I agree wholeheartedly SarahB44. It's a daily struggle to wrap the mind around.😢 I find myself praying for balance often. I also understand that there is something way bigger than a mental disorder going on. However, God's written Word speaks of a BEAUTIFUL future, where evil will no longer be tolerated by the Most High, Jehovah. Psalms 37:10 says "Just a little while longer, and the wicked will be no more; You will look at where they were, And they will not be there."😊

[@ct6852]

You will. And you never left. You just had to lay low for a while to weather the shit storm.

[@zenawarrior7442]

So interesting, sounds about right. Thanks Dr G😊🤎🤎

[@thelocalmaladroit8873]

Dr Grande always speaks calmly and intelligently.

[@Jen-X333]

My mom does this all the time. Spot on Dr. Grande.

[@amyhorbyk607]

This is so true, and extremely frustrating

[@theresathompson4719]

Interesting i never thought about that. I was told i was jealous when it wasnt true, he is a very jelous person .

[@CherrysJubileeJoyfully]

Your explanations are so helpful. Thank you for helping people see through the BS

[@dankadesign7462]

Spot on.Thank you Dr.Grande

[@Jessicaunarex]

‘I can’t trust you,’ I was told by the guy giving me a fake name for 2+ years.

[@rejaneoliveira5019]

This is very helpful! Happy Friday, Dr. Grande.❤

[@Sara-May]

I swear the way these apps work their magic is insane. I mustered the energy to explain to my child’s father the way he does exactly this just last night. Usually I don’t even bother, but for no particular reason I had a few moments of clarity that allowed me to articulate the issue. I’m normally too exhausted by him or confused by his mind games to explain it. Of course, immediately after that was a sudden radio silence from him. Finally had an evening of peace. Now KZbin is recommending this short to me today, what a world we live in! Thanks Dr. G!

[@BigMacOrange]

Bro just explained how the mainstream media works.

[@joe56984]

100%

[@fiddleg8r]

AMEN

[@stringfellowbalk2654]

Big time.

[@bokhans]

With out the MM you wouldn’t know 💩about anything and that might explain things. You watch the wrong MM. You know, FOX never told you but Trump lost.

[@arxsyn]

Uh no you're just falling into the hands of narcissists sowing distrust. This distracts people from their own misdeeds because journalists are the ones who keep tabs on them and call them out. This is why journalism and democracy is undermined and attacked. Narcissists smear their perceived enemies and people especially journalists that do us the public service to call them out and keep them accountable for their transgressions and agendas Don't be fooled. Otherwise you will lose everything, everything your country stands for. I don't want to be the one l told you so. When it happens, as it is, well you made your bed and now you lay in it.

[@marisawoods]

As kids, my brother and I were removed from our home. This was because of the abuse our mother permitted the narcissistic psychopath she married to do. She protected him, not us. He finally got caught by our neighbor, who called police. He pretended to be the victim, saying my brother tried to kill him. He is a horror of a person, abused our mother, us, and every pet we had. A true scumbag. My brother died a year to the date after we were taken. We're still blamed by the nutbag our mother married, for what HE did to us.

[@BA-vx7gb]

Narcissists are convincing …. because they believe their own lies !!!!

[@jackiegrice714]

This is useful information to have. Thanks Dr. Grande.

[@lululestat]

Yep everyone is jealous of them 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

[@j.goggels9115]

Sociopaths love irony : reply in the first degree, they will go on the defense, get into the crack and assert your dominance.

[@jakestumm4101]

My parents were convinced I “played games” to be the center of attention during family functions, and that I was always “self-centered” whenever I tried to set boundaries or do something they didn’t want me to do

[@josephcoon5809]

Tons of people question my empathy. 😂

[@djchaiwallah]

There are an awful lot of women who spend all their time talking about their ex being narcissists, and my theory is most of them are narcissists 🤣

[@arxsyn]

It's more culturally appropriate for men to be narcissists. Women are kept more in line to even show such characteristics, so there tends to be less of them compared to males

[@dankaliciousness]

@@arxsyn this is a common misconception. Men just report abuse at a significantly lower rate because of gender-biased meaning they will not report because people will not believe them which is true. There are tons of studies on this and again because of societal norms and women aren't usually violent so the abuse is mostly psychological. In fact there was an NPI (narcissistic personality study) done and showed there was virtually no gender-gap in narcissistic traits just more vulnerable traits in women and more malignant in men. (the study was massive about 500,000 people studied over 23 years) The reason also explained by these studies shows that men probably score higher in all 3 narcissistic traits because of the high positions in business meaning their environment but not due to because they just are that way.

[@PlanesKiwi]

Thanks for these clips

[@RinpochesRose]

When a narcissist makes a classic ‘own goal’. Xx

[@mollyringwerm9224]

I literally don't understand how narcs survive life with such huge cognitive/psychological impediments. Blows my mind.

[@terywetherlow7970]

10 year relationship with one of these.😮😢

[@alrey3967]

Politicians

[@lucykelly7152]

Why would they make such mistakes, and how could they not be seen as genuine misapprehensions?

[@KoolT]

They say envious

[@sharonthompson672]

Oh my gosh! This recently happened! I had reconnected with a dear friend and I was complimenting the friend to someone else (who immediately perceived my friend as a "rival", not true, but they resent ANY attention not directed towards THEM) and the someone else began disparaging how my friend keeps house. I must be getting more aware because I immediately called them out on their OWN subpar housekeeping practices. 😆 They had the nerve to retort "but I just recently vacuumed!!!" sitting amid the chaos of their living room. LOL

[@josephinemiller68]

Drives me crazy listening to everyone accuse everyone of narcissism. The truth is, every person is capable of narcissism. It’s just another Word for self-absorption And selfishness. But an actual narcissist diagnosed is something inherent that is not easily changed.

[@stephm5877]

I would ask for an example every time a general accusation was made and he would make himself sound so ridiculous trying to come up with stuff.

[@Sommyie]

How can i know if im a narcissist?

[@liordagan9342]

Get diagnosed by a professional.

[@johnnyearp52]

Go see a mental health professional.

[@jenglock3946]

How do you feel? usually if you ask your yourself am I a narc? Your not!!! Find a good counselor

[@Dehsera]

Is it possible to make a narcissist aware of their character?

[@normastone1044]

That's a waste of time and energy.

[@shroomyk]

I almost died laughing when I overheard my narc ex tell his mom I only think about myself. It helped me move on and not feel bad about leaving him alone with no friends or anything. Yes, after the way he treated me, I still felt bad about leaving him because I knew he only had his mother in his life. That's because the last person I ever think about is myself and why his statement was absolutely absurd and hilarious.

[@alphashaitan65]

I know! I do this shit all the time!

[@shariberry3123]

I think, what people mean when I see in the comments here, Republicans or Democrats, are the individual certain elected officials of all parties, is that some are indeed, narcissists. They are loud and obnoxious, so we tend to think the whole party must be that way. Not so, very many of them are quietly not attention seekers. The obnoxious narcissists are just so out there visible, in the headlines all the time, that we automatically assume it is the entire set of folks, not necessarily true. Narcissists always manage to have a loyal following. Hence, the fable Echo and Narcissus.

[@dankaliciousness]

I heard a great explanation of this: The USA has turned into the sociopathic Olympics and we feed the sociopaths.

[@adaptercrash]

Well thats not difficult, they aren't supposed to know that

[@rsgabrys----]

------------------------ epitome.....is defendant who wants to defend him/her self in a court of law ....greetings DrG

[@marckemp9955]

I've found it's difficult to teach things like this because for the most part people are not tuned in. We're an attention deficit nation. There's a lack of objectivity taught. I remember when a critical thinking education was sought after. Private education excels for critical thinking skills.

[@meanimeconingles]

Hello Dr Grande. Would you mind making a video about how narcissist like diminishing people according to their chosen career. I tell you my day: I had just woken up and head to the kitchen, to find my parents having breakfast. "Hey, you, tell me what's the meaning of "never ever" ". (My mother to me). Not even saying hello dog. I refused and said I would like to have something to eat before. "See? (My father to my mother) "I told you". "English teacher is not like medicine career" (meaning I'm worthless because of my chosen career, and their medical career is top). (I've never felt so disgusted in my life). I'm speechless and of course I went away and ate nothing. Thank you for reading me.

[@janetpattison8474]

One family narc said I have borderline personality disorder, so I thought well, let’s really check it out. While attempting objectivity I reviewed the characteristics, & although I have issues after being around extreme narcs (dad, spouse, & lovers) since birth, the BPD isn’t a fit. The entire family was bullied, tortured & abused (TY dad) in weird ways, (pinching, arm twisting, food abuse, work, name calling, etc…) so of course I’m f-ed up. This is how the karma tumbles I guess. 😫🥺😢😝☹️😖😝🧐

[@marymcnabb4982]

Donald Trump and Megan Markle

[@walkingbyfaith2885]

They DEFINITELY DON'T understand ANYTHING , Are there Any " Smart" Narcissist? 😮😮😮

[@AB608052]

I think I see. So they imply, I learned that happiness isn't necessarily real or in your best interest, younger.. some people learn older, maybe they have to rediscover this again and again. So, if you're a real psychologist, they're genuinely helpful.. we sort of largely live in a world of fake psychologists.. i.e. your boss and etc. So what is it about, if people are seeing their pursuit of happiness through, what are they focusing on. Motivation.. Understanding motivation is the poor man's psychology.

[@stacierocke6830]

yes

[@kimmaddison8686]

My sisters do this there not happy in own lifes so spread gossip and triangulate each other when they fall out the middle sister will call say what the big sister said sbout me when i adk my big sister she says no then there best freinds again gang up on me and my neice its bad so i cut them off

[@AB608052]

So OK, one more layer to the discussion then. People have ideas and motivation that aren't going to work. People can even get irate when their motivation isn't encouraged.. So they're saying that's where I'm butting heads, but the psychologist is surprisingly complementary. So people have ideas that aren't going to work.. we have ridiculous things; A woman just did a attempted murder, but is still motivated? You have a smart guy, at odds with the motivated public. When is this smart guy correct. We are a nation of great consumption, you don't discover drugs, you discover sobriety.. So someone with their motivations, abusing narcotics, has literally jammed up the gears of what they are, they are a person.. they are disqualified.. but that's not what happens necessarily. Who will keep building on this foundation? They.. only moved the headstones!!!

[@margheritap.1187]

Classic Amberlynn Reid

[@fiddleg8r]

Democrats Defined!

[@Thor13332]

😅

[@soilmanted]

I like some of Dr Grande's videos. This particular video by Dr Grande - does not make sense.

[@jakublizon6375]

AKA Republicans.

[@veinmetal8671]

Democrats usually do the same style of gaslighting towards Trump

[@jackmusdash]

Lmao bro you think there’s a bad and good side to the government? 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@ddugan64]

Dems are masters of Projecting?

[@johnnyearp52]

I don't think narcissism cares about party lines. Politics in general attracts narcissists.

[@JohnWayne-86ed]

Both sides... but more so the democrats.

[@bokhans]

How come so many of these descriptions of mentally challenged people are about the same person but his name is never mentioned? I help you: Donal Trump

[@johngatewood4638]

You imply that narcissist don't understand words like empathy? How did you come to that conclusion? How about a narcissist who uses a You Tube channel to dispense Dollar Store psychobabble?

[@ASLANOV440]

I know this might seem strange…but I love your voice it is sooo calming and soft….

[@emmemaile5531]

He's low-key talking about Trump

[@gregthomas2448]

When I broke up with a girl in high school, my own mother told her that I was vain. 🥹

[@ct6852]

Did she have your back in other situations? Or like she was always playing devil's advocate?

[@gregthomas2448]

@@ct6852 No always had my back this moment was a strange occurrence. At least I thought so ⭐️