How to approach women with confidence | Adam Lane Smith

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Looking to collect phone numbers? Guys want to know how to approach women with confidence. It’s crucial to learn what they’re looking for so you can approach them with your best. Because women want certain things. You know that. But because you don’t know exactly what will interest them, your confidence isn’t at max. The approach struggles. You can do better! Attachment Specialist Adam Lane Smith busts through the confusion with clear guidelines for exactly what women want, how to approach like a pro, and how to do it all with the confidence of a secret agent.
How does Adam know? He’s worked for years with women who shared their secret desires. Adam shares those secrets right here in this video so you learn to approach women the way they wish you would. When you get that info, your confidence can go to 100. Because you just need to know what to do to build the perfect approach. And this video will tell you.
This video is part of an ongoing series about attachment.
Attachment Specialist Adam Lane Smith has learned the secret desires women keep hidden, and he’s ready to teach them to you. When you know what women want, you can approach them with confidence. Because the worst part is not knowing what they want from you, right? Once you know, you can tailor your approach to their secret desires and get their interest from the very first second. And your approaches can get you the results you want. When you’ve got the secrets, you can swagger with confidence. And that makes you even more attractive on the approach.
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[@nickst0ne]

Sounds like fine advice... but my girlfriend might not appreciate me approaching women like that. 😅

[@AttachmentAdam]

I agree, how’s a good time to stop! I’ve got plenty of other videos for you 🤣

[@magnarisu156]

Those are good advices indeed :) I think that warm friendly attention is the best to start with. As a woman you usually feel whether you're being approached as kind of a "goal" or a "trophy" or as a regular human being. And that's a huge deal and ice breaker in terms of response

[@AttachmentAdam]

Yes exactly, acting like a human being talking to another human being is key. Being fake right at the start is a terrible way to begin. What signs tell you when someone is being fake?

[@magnarisu156]

Hmm, I've never thought about that, usually you just feel it and act accordingly. When I feel that person is being fake and is lying to me to look better I begin to act cold almost unconsciously. At times you can tell if guy is being fake simply by the way he looks at you even though his words are smooth. And then by his choice of one topics and avoiding others you can tell something about his real intentions about you. If a person is fake it'll become more and more obvious through a longer conversation. So I would say that not just acting but also being a decent human being is pretty much the only fair way to get a decent girl :)

[@BadMotivator66]

@@magnarisu156 do you think women can distinguish between a fake person and an awkward person?

[@magnarisu156]

Some can, others don't, it always depends on each particular woman after all

[@BadMotivator66]

@@magnarisu156 of course, individual differences and all that

[@feliksdivellimusic7160]

I was in a coffee shop earlier today, it was rather full, and I was going to do some work, but couldn't really focus and ended up being on my phone a little. After a little bit a girl comes over and asks if the seat next to mine is free, and I say yes because, well, it was free. but as soon as she sits down I grab my bag and I'm out of there. I don't what happened to me. I'm very used to being by myself and I think the thought of a girl wanting me to strike up a conversation with her very much terrifies me.

[@AttachmentAdam]

What thoughts went through your head during and after? Was it performance pressure? You said the idea of her wanting you to strike up a conversation was terrifying. What about her striking one up with you? Do you perceive all the pressure to perform being on your side?

[@feliksdivellimusic7160]

@@AttachmentAdam I do percieve all the performance pressure being on my side yes! Never realised that before. I should say that I was already close to leaving, but her going to sit down made me leave 5-10 minutes earlier than I would have needed to. There was some kind of panic in me, something that grabbed me that just had me get up and leave abruptly. No clear anxiety or emotion, I was just out of there.

[@AttachmentAdam]

This is interesting, and I’ve heard it a number of times with other men. Performance anxiety based on perceived pressure. What do you think she expected from you? Do you think you would fail to offer it? If so, what bad thing would have happened?

[@feliksdivellimusic7160]

@@AttachmentAdam it might come from a pressure on myself to find a partner, or at least to start talking to girls in public as well as a perceived lack of options (i guess what you'd call scarcity mindset) so whatever does come along, even if it just seems to be something at all that's coming along, I have to take advantage of. The bad that would've happened would be to have been a disappointment to that girl, and also to have made it really awkward there if I wouldn't have been able to continue a conversation.

[@marciebaker9816]

Did she have fangs and horns 😈

[@BeckyJB]

Agreed! I would love a guy to approach me in this way. ❤❤❤

[@AttachmentAdam]

I'm glad you agree!😊❤

[@marciebaker9816]

So true, everything you said in this video!! So true

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thanks for the feedback, glad this was right!

[@vital.elements]

Rabbits, and tigers, and bears...oh, my! 😄 Imagine talking to people like they're people and not threats or objectives. I like to think of how kids approach each other on a playground and channel that energy when I approach other adults. I adore it when others can approach me in that same way, too. Lighthearted curiosity is potent. 🤟✨️

[@AttachmentAdam]

The child approach is great, and natural! Definitely something I point out to my clients and how to achieve that again.

[@Reaper7mk]

Thank you Adam! That was fantastic

[@AttachmentAdam]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@BadMotivator66]

Hit the nail on the head and also mentioned tanner! :) great stuff

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thanks! Which part of the video hit the hardest for you?

[@BadMotivator66]

@@AttachmentAdam trying to be authentic, but trying to break the ice with a new person too

[@BadMotivator66]

@@AttachmentAdam 'talk to her like someone you're getting to know'. yep! that's so simple but i think the ice-breaking can be the tough part. especially when the other party is shy as well

[@Coalition4NewerVision]

I am no expert lol but from what I do know the advice of the question ‘are you waiting for someone’ or ‘do you have a little while to talk’ is very bad because 1 it is like asking them if they are alone and if anyone is expecting them or anything like that which makes them feel like vulnerable or like something they shouldn’t tell a guy off the bat. And asking them if they want to talk I also think is generally not the best because you are leading it off with something that they might not want to say no to, because of politeness etc and also they don’t know anything about you so maybe they don’t see why they would wanna talk to you. I think it oftentimes can be better to just lead off with a small sincere compliment or another general common question like how’s it goin, or even just their name. If you are somewhere like the grocery store or restaurant or some recreational place it could be a question or statement about that, these kinds of things make it obvious you want to talk to them, because you just started a conversation, and you can read from their social cues if they are interested in talking and see how that goes and if they smile or keep the convo going then proceed likewise. But if you ask a woman if they are basically alone and no one knows where they are that is very bad and if you say ‘hey do you wanna talk for a minute?’ That’s also bad because they might not want to say no and so you are putting them in uncomfortable position and even if they say yes you won’t know if they truly want to or are just being nice. Where as these other options are going to feel less threatening and uncomfy and you will read from the response if they are at all interested

[@AttachmentAdam]

Starting with a small sincere compliment or a general common question can often be a beginning approach, but what are some other respectful ways you can begin a conversation with someone you're interested in?

[@aidenfitzpatrick7880]

The other night for the first time in a long time, I was just getting out of the nightclub, and before I left it, I say to this college classmate girl which I know for years, that I think she always look pretty to me and if someday wanna go out for a beer or a coffee, just tell me one day. I think she was a little surprised. I was very proud of myself for doing it and feel confident. I'm not sure if it was the best way I could do it, but hell, I tried it. What do you think about it?

[@AttachmentAdam]

Shooting your shot and being honest is better than a lifetime regretting that you didn’t try. How did this go afterward? Any follow up?

[@aidenfitzpatrick7880]

@@AttachmentAdam Nothing at all 🤣. But it's okay, I feel fine. My friend which is a psychologist, said that I have assertive communication, I was direct, respectful, and I said that in a moment that you can call appropriate.

[@stevegwizzle3560]

​@Aiden Fitzpatrick Did u approach more women?

[@dariusthurman8835]

I never said "hey baby" to a girl, it never made them more receptive to me.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Excellent. What HAS worked?

[@angelus_solus]

Well, right from the start I see a point of failure. Unless black BDUs and bloused combat boots turn her on that is. It's said that men dress to exude power? There must be something wrong with me then, because I dress to reflect my personality. I have no interest in giving any impressions of power. How would I talk to someone I'm interested in getting to know? Good question, especially since I never talk to anyone. I have to admit though, asking her if she's free to talk would be an ideal insertion point. On the subject of attachment, I'm never what others want me to be. I am who I am. Although out in public, who I am ends up being as personable as an on duty secret service agent. Overall, your suggestions are valid and I'm sure with the right person they would work.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Here’s something to think about. What SORT of power are you exuding? Something within your niche? Your outfit shows a very specific type of power.

[@angelus_solus]

@@AttachmentAdam I mainly chose my wardrobe for the simplicity and rugged utility aspect. Not to mention I like the look of bloused boots. I consider cuffs flopping around at my ankles as unsightly and sloppy dress. Yes, the fact that I do have a bit of the soldier mentality was a factor in my clothing choices too. I even had the 24 hour time system memorised at the age of 11 and had dreams of enlisting in the Army and specialising as an Explosive Ordnance Disposal tech when I was in my mid teens. Needless to say, I had no intention of making it to the age I am now. Some of the words that come to mind when thinking about my outfit and mannerisms are: ridgid, Spartan, "official", guarded, unemotional. Then again, that's the operating parameters my mind uses when in public. Even with the medications I'm on and my paranoia under control, I still can't shake the feeling that I need to be alert and mentally "locked and loaded" when I'm in town. I still occasionally catch myself glancing around corners of the buildings while walking around Mum's property too. I can't imagine anyone being attracted to someone like that now that I think on it. (Edit: I forgot to mention, but I also have a personalised set of M1940 ID tags, for the purpose they were designed to perform, and I've never taken them off since I put them on three years ago. And no, I'm not some boot who has their tags hanging out for the whole world to see as if they're some fashion statement. I wear them tucked under my top as they're meant to be worn. Honestly, I'd be a bit humiliated if anyone commented on them and if they were visible they would get commented on.) What's amusing is the Spartan aspect bleeds over into the rest of my life. I have six duplicate outfits and the only decorations in my home are two artificial plants and a native American jug that managed to survive the house fire. I do have a Maxpedition Malaga sling bag hung on the wall, but I'm not sure if that counts as decoration.

[@AttachmentAdam]

It sounds like you’re a minimalist but what you do express is VERY expressive. What led you to embrace minimalism? Is that a principle of yours that you’re embodying?

[@angelus_solus]

@@AttachmentAdam I used to be one of those who wasted their money on possessions and I ended up with a lot of different clothes, especially socks, and stuff I never even wore. It's amazing to think of it now, but I used to dress western from my teens to my 20's; from boots to hat. As I got older and my personality changed, my style became more military and was reduced to my current wardrobe. I got tired of looking at all my clothes and got rid of them, then bought my six outfits and boots. It cost me almost $400, but that's less than most people spend on clothes. The full transformation to minimalism, however, didn't happen until after the fire. Sometimes I would sit in my chair and look around, wondering what I was going to do with everything, because it was becoming rather cluttered. After all, my quarters were only 15 x 31 on the inside and a lot of the floor space was taken up by a bench along one wall, a kitchen counter along the other and an L-shaped counter in the middle of the floor that connected to the kitchen sink. Other than the 4 x 4 x 8 box that was both bed frame and pantry that is. It was built into the end of the building. Needless to say, the clutter problem was taken care of. The fire reduced me to a pair of outfits and my boots, so when I started over I made it my goal to only get what I really needed. Of course, the amount of room I have to work with is a lot smaller too. By not being so materialistic, I can redirect that money to more important things, like food. In the end, I guess I have embodied the concept of minimalism.

[@benmcguire4014]

What about telling a woman that she is beautiful?

[@AttachmentAdam]

As a cold open? I don't suggest it. Complimenting their surface level qualities tells them that's all you're interested in, and most have heard this so many times it serves as a red flag instead. Focus on learning about their goals and principles quickly so you can tell them how you feel about those, and how interesting those make them (if you really mean it). Do you know how to bring this up in conversation in a way that increases their interest?

[@NickatYouTubeSucksJK]

Agreed Imagine if a girl complimented you on your money....except it's still worse than that.

[@vivianvennicia]

Women? Human? Bears? Human? Bears? Human bears being women.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Seriously, a lot of guys seem to think so 🤣 Have you seen them?

[@vivianvennicia]

@@AttachmentAdam I think I have seen that. Bears are way scarier than a lot of other animals.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Yes they are, because of their ability to do so much damage. That’s also the fear many men have of women. Not in the disillusioned redpill way, but fear or rejection and emotional pain. Have you seen men shy away from anticipation of rejection?

[@vivianvennicia]

@@AttachmentAdam I am not in charge of other people's hang ups. Its totally understandable that a lot of men feel that.

[@Dailyquora]

You are not impressive brother I see you and I don’t respect you