How To Feel Your Feelings

[@likeavirgo]

To release sadness i've found that listening to a sad song and doing yoga poses while i listen help me feel everything. I'm then able to release, soothe myself and remind myself that i'm safe.

[@NYCPrivateParty]

Beautiful

[@rachaellouise2666]

Thank you for the recommendation!

[@mts992]

It helps me a lot imagining my actual self comforting my childhood self when I’m dealing with hard or overwhelming feelings. It allows me to feel whatever I may be feeling in the moment without any judgement, and then allow it to pass. Maybe I had a lack of this kind of soothing presence in my childhood and now is just what I need to allowing me feel again and validade my self emotions.

[@Courtney-vw5oi]

I do this as well ❤ it really helps

[@sammathews6634]

I do this as well....how effective has it been for you? What is your routine for doing this, and how long have you been doing this?

[@victoriahaines9083]

I remember as a teenager I was at that shutdown stage and off in my own world, a spaceship, and really distancing myself from my family. They thought there was something wrong with me. They made me feel so different and that I was the problem. They even took me to a psychologist and a therapist. Now that I'm 25 I realize I wasn't the problem, they were. They weren't there for me in a lot of emotional times in my life. They would be very dismissive and even laugh at me when I was historically crying about things. Made me feel horrible. My older brother and sister thought I was just being a b**** because I wasn't talking to them or my parents. I hated myself for a long time. It's hard to not resent them today.

[@ma8839]

My challenges: 1. Both parents diagnosed depression/anxiety. 2. Older brother hated me since the day I was born. 3. My addiction to negative emotions, negative self-talk, worse case scenario thinking. 4. I’m a guy…. I was always supposed to “Cowboy Up!” What helps most: 1. Awareness. 2. Knowledge of science backed understanding of thoughts, emotions, and how the brain works, which gives me an internal view of what is actually happening and that I can use techniques to shift. ( I have replaced lifelong meds with mindfulness exercises.) 3. Focusing on myself and studying some of the most profound teachers and guides (such as yourself!) through podcasts and these types of videos. 4. Of course studying the book; “How to do the work”.

[@caseypapadatos1269]

So happy for you! Can you tell me a few things that you have done to help you with your journey? Teachers? Techniques?

[@leticiamagalhaes3747]

Thank you🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@bodhi9464]

Andrew Tate 🐍 ♟️ HTFU

[@ma8839]

@@bodhi9464 Musashi, Nietzche, Aurelius, Loazi, Hill, Frankl. There’s more than just the Tate bandwagon.🤔💭

[@SelfcareforBodyMindSpirit]

Thank you for clarifying that feelings are actually bodily sensations that signal our sense of safety in the environment.

[@janedoe3648]

Self-soothing, walks, music, dance, nature, journaling, phone a friend lol. Distraction can be healthy at times like comedy etc. helps

[@Enoxificatti]

That's not really a distraction depending on how you use it. If you're doing these activities after an emotional release, then your pretty much well set. That's a healthy habit.

[@rayel4366]

Very true as a child not allow to be angry.

[@Noura-gl1tn]

I feel numb and disconnected from my body. I feel emotions supreesed in my body and I can't connect to them. I used to numb my feelings because I can't handle the pain they make me feel. I feel dysregulated and I can't even cry. I really need to cry and let everything out of my traumatized body. Watching other people stuck as same as me makes me feel company. We are trying to find our way out together. I'm trying to release my feeling and feel the pain and be free and prsesnt in my body. Thank you dr nicole for sharing awarness.

[@gojo-zn7du]

Do you feel better now?

[@Noura-gl1tn]

@@gojo-zn7du i feel way way better and i really grateful your comment reminded me how far I have come thank you dear for asking🤍

[@banglittlechan]

I really needed this. Today I was trying to sit with my emotions when I realized that I don’t know how to do that, because I either feed into that or avoid it completely. What you said about concentrating in the body and not the mind to be able to let go of the emotion, I’m gonna start applying that. Thank you so much, I’m sure you helped a lot more people aside from me. 💞💐

[@user-su7hk3si2f]

how is it going? I also have no idea how to sit wirh emotions without the brainwork. I usually react to body sensations with anxiety (i have bad health anxiety) and at those moment I'm completely freaking out, I can't imagine I could ever sit still without the rushing irrational thoughts😢

[@banglittlechan]

@@user-su7hk3si2f Hi~ Lately I drifted away from self-care and I’ve fallen into bad habits again, but I want to change that. Thank you for asking. 🥺💕 I still kinda have some advice on that I think? When I was feeling too overwhelmed by a lot of contradicting emotions and I felt like I was going crazy I just sat there and thought “ok, I’m feeling __, and __, but also __, and I also feel like I’m gonna go crazy with all of this; AND it’s okay, it’s all gonna pass eventually even if it doesn’t look like it now”; and that helped me release the judgement & need for control that I was having towards myself, which then made the emotions flow and go away naturally. I also found it helpful to remind myself everyday that thoughts are not reality but my interpretation of reality, and that I’m the one with the power to give them meaning or not. For some time I also stopped giving meaning to the things that I was feeling (like: I’m like this bc of this trauma; it’s all this person’s fault so I can’t do anything about it; I already tried too much without results so nothing’s ever gonna work; etc.) and instead I focused on what was happening at the moment as objectively as I could, as if I was feeling like this for the first time, and try to calm myself down and figure out what to do in that specific situation. Please take all of this with a grain of salt, because what works for me might not work for you and viceversa. But I hope something I mentioned works if you decide to try it. Please take care and remember to be patient bc building good habits takes time and a lot of try and error. But you’re gonna make it eventually, as long as you get up again after falling. Good luck dear stranger! 🫂💜

[@thegnarlyvagabond]

I would be overwhelmed by feelings, until I took the aproach of viewing it like it was an intoxication and keeping it contained to my body. It often can be physically tireing for me when I get waves of powerful emotions. Terrific advice, even if I already figured out how to do this.

[@TracyApryl]

Great video :) I think that it is also important to remind yourself to feel "good" feelings also. Sometimes having positive emotions feels almost scary because as a trauma/abuse survivor, positive emotions feel unfamiliar and unsafe. I feel more on edge with those "good" emotions at times.

[@jriley7607]

I was instructed by my therapist to do some work on healing the inner child. I just happened on you on KZbin today and so many lightbulbs are going off starting with your childhood emotional neglect video. I feel completely inside out I’d like you could see everything everything inside of me. Thank you for your work and I’m excited to listen to more

[@chia9851]

When i experience fear...i watch a class of yoga specifically for that on youtube. The teacher is this guy who at the end guides a beautiful meditation. When i feel i need comfort or nurturing...i do adriene's "yoga to nurture yourself." I Also have a KZbin list where i save all the videos that are useful for each situation or feeling

[@carolinemorjaen3501]

Hi Chia, would you be so kind to share some links to the yoga classes? Thanks!

[@funkywarrior3906]

yes! share the YT list please!

[@TheShubLub]

I might have something i can share... I'll be back

[@umchileanywaysso]

Please share the name of that youtube channel❤

[@MsJoyce31202]

❤

[@b.s.769]

Great! I'm learning how to connect with my body through mindfulness to relax my anxiety, and it's wonderful

[@kurtcraig9059]

I welcome all feelings now...glad, mad, sad and indifferent. I know they are coming...my practice has become allowing them to course through me, know they are there, feeeeeel them then reflect on what and possibly why I felt them...then purge or in some cases responsibly respond and act...but know they will come and will feel them.

[@MindfluencePro1]

thank you so much.... You helped me identify myself. Connecting to the body was something that was SO UNKNOWN to me. Thank you so much !

[@tyson3577]

This is SOOOOOOOOO GOOD!!!! Thank You! Yoga has been the quickest and most efficient way for me to connect with my body and stay in the present moment.

[@ankushsingla4546]

which yoga are you doing for this bro?

[@umchileanywaysso]

Same. Yoga has been the best way for me to connect to my body cuz breathing and movement are done together

[@Ydiventuregroup]

I am trying to work on uncomfortable feelings coming up, when in public. I felt humiliated many times as a child in group settings.

[@bodytrainer1crane730]

"What's alive in your body?" Thank you for this video. ❤️

[@optimisticzebra8498]

I'm so glad I found you! The way you speak and explain these topics is so easy to follow. Thank you!

[@supersaiyanman5255]

I can’t remember the culture but a thing I read a while back is that there’s a culture that instead of saying “I feel sad” they say “there’s a wave/weight of sadness on me” expanding the objective on where the emotion is located at. Relating it to what she said about step 1 on doing the work in the video.

[@cyberla]

Wow, this is huge and explains a lot! So many people I know are stuck in their head and then suffer the consequences. Thank you!

[@shylascalf]

You’re channel is doing so much good. Thank you thank you thank you. I feel I hit the jackpot finding your videos.

[@chevaughnclarke1375]

I appreciate you, Dr. Nicloe. Thank you for always sharing your knowledge. 💕

[@LessThanThree76]

I can only identify a few feelings - sadness, anger, worry or anxiety.

[@jowyschwarz313]

This is what i need the most

[@PrettyGrlP]

Thank you Dr. Nicole. I recently started therapy and this what I’m working on. Feeling my feelings. This is a great signal I’m on the right path. It has been challenging to be preset but I’m up for it. Just acknowledging that I have feelings has been a relief.

[@jodio3713]

Thank you, Nicole, for sharing this video. I just began reading HTDTW on a ✈️ a few days ago and blew through the first 4 chapters…..man, does everything you describe sound familiar! I am beginning the small daily goal; resonate with your body, mind & spirit approach, and joined the healing circle. These brief little videos really help recognizing what is happening in the body & how to connect with the feelings to address them. Thanks for laying the theory & framework for this global group to become the best possible versions of themselves thru healing & doing the work! Dr. J 😺👍🏼

[@leilimohammadi951]

Nicole, can you please teach about self neglect?? I’m also member in your circle and each month i look for this subject to learn about. I suffer of that alot!

[@Enoxificatti]

What Dr. Nicole spoke about in this video pretty much adresses a core aspect of self-neglect. Your emotional system is an internal compass that tells you about yourself and your surroundings/reality. So if you neglect that, then how would you know what to do? Knowing how to feel your emotions is a foundational practice that assists you with creating a happy, loving, and fulfilling life.

[@Britestardoubleup1]

I’ve been asking ‘how can I feel my feelings?’ for a while now and it feels like I am making slow progress and sometimes no progress at all. My go to reaction is to numb. After watching your videos I feel less judgement towards myself and from that place perhaps feeling my feelings will be easier. It seems that way right now.

[@opinionminnion]

Judging ourselves less harshly, is a great indicator that we are moving in the right direction. Patience my friend. And good luck.

[@carly582]

I dont even know what an emotion is, and I doubt I've ever felt one.

[@jdprettynails]

My feelings last for hours and they’re so intense and painful, like I’m being stabbed and I can’t breathe.

[@Bjornstativ]

This is so helpful. Thank you for all that you do!

[@amybelknap5390]

This was very helpful!!! Thank you so much Nicole!

[@zzzcocopepe]

my family was deadset on refusing to allow me to experience any kind of emotion. it was weird. i came to this video because i get a lot of abuse from people on reddit. and i came to youtube to try and find something to distract me and loosen up my brain and let the anger dissipate. then i came across an emotional dysregulation video. and she said that some people with ptsd get overwhelmed by extremely strong emotions, and so the techniques in her video were designed to help with that. i realized that i need to do the opposite. I need to accept my emotions, because they're not overwhelming, and it is okay for me to be furious with someone who baldly insults me, or gaslights me, or is just straight up disrespectful. its okay to feel that anger.

[@Grimenoughtomaketherobotcry]

Yes, it is. Unhealthy parents often force children to repress anger because they think it's a challenge to their authority, which is everything to them. Rather it can be a healthy emotional response, and can help children in learning to set their own boundaries. Rage, of course, is not the same, and is often the long-term result of children not being allowed to appropriately experience their own anger. I was always upbraided for being angry by adults who felt quite at liberty to rage over trivia.

[@kimlec3592]

​@@GrimenoughtomaketherobotcryThank you for writing this.

[@lienphan6446]

Thank you so much.

[@sammathews6634]

Wow....a great video again! Thank you.....

[@Rich-wi7dn]

I’ve definitely disconnected from my body. I live in my head - I actually feel trapped in there. While I’m not sure if that’s one of the reasons I can’t stand the expression “comfortable in their own skin”, I can say with certainty that I am not comfortable in mine.

[@zinmarie1179]

Thank you so much for this🙏❤

[@angelina7806]

Thank you so much!💕💕💕

[@hayleycreed2694]

needed ❤️

[@drdanielmiezah]

This is great news

[@NYCPrivateParty]

This is such an amazing video filled with good and helpful info.,

[@mayarosman8514]

I can't thank you enough!!!

[@ronieltan88]

Thank you for sharing this to us, it helps a lot.

[@WisdomWithin999]

Thank you, I love you 💜 I feel seen

[@ronwasson290]

Awesome thankyou

[@mollybowers813]

How do you tell the difference between a feeling and anxiety? Or a bad gut feeling and anxiety?

[@jacquihoy4021]

Thanks.. Love your work.🩷

[@lalitatholiya2170]

Thank you so much ❤

[@Nitinme007]

To release doing something physiological generally helps - I think a point she is trying to make implicitly in step 2

[@sofiadoulaveri8300]

Treasure, thank you 😊 💖

[@secondaccount6716]

as a younger male...........i was super tough..........hey i worked offshore oil lol..........people like me did NOT have feelings. we did not need them. took me to h ave to break an alcohol addiction to recognize i had suppressed some bad stuff from childhood. today i can laugh, and cry and get angry. however getting angry does not mean i stay that way for over thirty years. by breaking the addiction and learning to have all my feelings.......i have become who i was meant to be. sober 42 years at this stage. what i resist persists 🤣😂

[@peterreed9566]

I never feel my feelings as they just get in the way and make life unnecessarily complicated. I've mastered doing this, so much so that I was recently at a funeral and I felt nothing throughou the service.

[@Koula9977cc]

Thank you so much . what could help us to make an inner space to our feelings in order to be felt and move inside our body easily ??

[@Dodo-tm9nl]

all my body feel is the way it's fcking tired. I ate my fav food, drank my vanilla flavoured coffee, watched my fav tv shows and content creators, draw things try to solve math problems. but i can't feel anything my body feels weird my brain feels numb i wanna throw out so bad. My whole stomach feels so weird. I don't know why. I usually accept the fact i am depressed/tired and keep living like that but now, i don't know what the f i am supposed to do it feels so empty. I don't know how but i need help. I really need help right know it is so draining. I can't sleep more than 3 hour when i sleep i see myself in a island a broken necked man always pushes me down in the lake (the lake is on the middle of island) i can't breath all i do is watch him and his "weird" eyes, face and expressions. I don't know what to do i am tired.

[@Ghhghjkjk]

How do you know when there is a story/ inner child that needs to be shifted or when to process the emotion this way?

[@Skatamska]

Ater a stroke 13 years ago I’ve discovered there is so much old anger inside of me. But while I scream and curse a few times a day sometimes it doesn’t help to make me feel better. It doesn’t feel like a relief, it just makes me angrier.

[@ebbenielsen7]

Yes, it is true that emotions in principle quickly leave us again - like waves. But are some emotions not more persistent in the body such as grief and sadness over a deceased person or fear due to a serious cancer in the body?

[@joseppersico477]

I have just started to try and feel my feelings. NOTE: anger has always come easily to me. To achieve this change I am using deep breathing several times a the day. And, I believe I am already seeing some results! For example, now when I get mad (triggered) by, say, a stop light turning red, I believe the anger is going away a little faster than before I did the deep breathing. Hopefully soon, this type of thing will stop being a trigger all together. My first question is: (given your experience,) would you say that deep breathing can help me to eventually feel more feelings? My second question: what is the difference between re-living in your mind a traumatic experience (as recommended in your video) and doing regular talk therapy which has the reputation for helping almost no-one? Is the difference in simply sitting with the emotions that come up no matter how distressing they are? When people have done traditional talk therapy, weren't they re-living their traumatic experience and yet not finding relief?

[@nadinma5560]

Very nice, great video! Thank you!! ❤🙏 Could you make a video about how to deal with the wounds and the pain that ''lovebombing and left into the cold'' pattern is starting to take over modern people?

[@fahlmancomputing8628]

Would be interested in some advice or techniques for what to do when you can't feel any emotions in your body. What are the causes of that, and what can you do to train yourself to recognize them if you are presently unable to?

[@amouraearising2148]

try yoga nidra

[@JarisMDelgado]

so difficult to remember and do this often, i a reconnecting as much as possible every day but the patterns to unconsciousness is difficult to stop sometimes

[@Eduardado]

Thanks a lot.

[@MotherDaughterChats]

Wonderful video! Very informative!

[@digitaldorothy]

Could you do an in-depth conversation on Step 1? (I will go search past vids in case you already have 👍) I struggle with this the most lately. Thanks for this as always. 🙏

[@plasticine9]

The episode of her podcast "chapter 2 the conscious self: becoming aware" goes into depth on this concept

[@digitaldorothy]

@@plasticine9 thanks 😊

[@iamenough6958]

How do I feel my past feelings from Trauma and release them

[@sherryyoussef]

Thanks ❤️😘

[@mellys9620]

Could you kindly please consider making a video about dealing with rejection. It is something I am figuring out , but would love some light and more information about it.

[@michaelgoodman3399]

Thanks for the video, I found it useful and helpful. Could you further explain the mental stories part and how to best avoid it? 👍

[@farmer4785]

When I start to feel emotions I want to process them but I don't like crying in front of people but my body will not necessarily cry when im alone now and only seems to want to cry around others 😅 I realize it's my body probably trying to get me comfort from others but I'm not accustomed to that or in the right settings for it to be appropriate... But at least I'm an expert at step 1!

[@bexw]

when you said "spaceship" i immediately thought of the song teenage spaceship by smog. interesting because the song really captures the feeling of alienation and maybe even dissociation (to me at least)

[@saber8560]

do feelings really only last 90s? i feel like im anxious for vast majority of the day

[@cartersessal4551]

Before even watching this video but knowing the creator (not personally sadly, but other videos of her and posts on Twitter and Insta I'm going to predict even though it's a short video this video should be watched by every person who is struggling with their feelings, so pretty much anybody out there.

[@Anita-wh4vr]

Dear Nicole. Many Thanks. I have a question. Until recently, my therapy (and my path) was about dealing with a very deep state of shock and the deep-seated fear because of complex post-traumatic stress disorder. Now that my system slowly calms down, the longer it becomes apparent how much I also have suffered from severe emotional deprivation. That is why my natural impulses as well as the perception of my needs are strongly suppressed. How can one bring these "young, very vital" impulses back to life? Can you do that at all? Do you have any ideas or associations? Thank you! ❤🙏

[@janedoe3648]

Parent your inner child with love and inquisitive compassion. Ask yourself, what do I need right now? Check in with yourself regularly. Self-care etc.

[@surakshaguragain5538]

Why do emotions feel like death. Its like I cannot be feeling this because that means I am in pain. I don't want to be in pain. Also, when memory triggers a feeling, I feel it once, I feel it twice, even 10 times but the memory pops up again and the feeling is triggered again. I get increasingly scared to feel after this

[@tweetymunni]

How do we manage our fight or flight sensations in the moment when we are actually facing a threatening situation where we are not safe ?

[@lauriemtz8616]

Great question! I’m wondering the same

[@ankushsingla4546]

you have to leave that situation.

[@stephaniemcmanus9082]

Hold your vision on an object ,, trees usually work for me,, connect with it,, really focus in on what your seeing ,, that will bring u back to a place of being present and Ur anxiety will begin to slow down .. Also, holding an ice cube while in a state of fight or flight works too.. I highly recommend looking up a cold bath / shower method ( wim hof )this is great for your nervous system....... And a deep breathe Sending love your way ❤️

[@denatasterephrem]

Is there a difference between emotions and feelings?

[@dbq7137]

I have trouble identifying my feelings. I can recognize my emotions but I don’t understand how to understand feelings. I have been reading when I am dealing with sadness or worries. It makes my mood change immediately. I have a question also. Can you create feelings? Like can you create a feeling for someone or it will come naturally?

[@Priyanka-mf8li]

How do you do step 1? 😢

[@viebelle]

[@AmandaNicolexo]

But once you feel to ur feelings, then what? For me, this is when we connect to our HP.

[@Dodo-tm9nl]

it's not like i distance myself from my family and friends. I distance myself from my body and feelings.

[@Mkp-b3t]

What if your out in public or at work but you can’t leave anywhere private?

[@kingaberlakovich5585]

Is overthinking a distraction?

[@theburrow1thomas]

I've done body scans with meditation for years, but I feel zero sensations... ever. I am really trying to heal CPTSD and find my identity, but this feels like a roadblock for me and my therapist.

[@fifiearthwanderer]

I feel like i tried so hard to resist them and now my body braces and doesnt want to feel them. I dont know how to let go and allow them to flow. Without fear of them

[@my-apologies2958]

Where to begin ? What kind of feeling tells me that I am safe and what kind of feeling tells me that I am not safe in some environment ?

[@jessijo3477]

I feel like I can’t pinpoint what I feel. I have lived in survival mode most of my life so thinking how I feel is hard for me. Any suggestions? Thank you for sharing

[@travelchannel304]

Had some show up while at work in 2019 that never have that caused me to cross my own prof. boundaries & my overreacting in actions because of concern for clients. Im am a massage therapist. Perhaps its transference to myself. Once i pointed finger back to me , the healing was mt work. Hard to explain to client your boss, why tou acted out. Never did that at home EVER. LOL didnt feel the need to there.

[@ashvanmazz]

Hi Dr. Nicole, thank you for this video and the work that you do. It's SO important especially with all that is happening in the world right now. We need this work more now than ever. I really need help. I have suffered for so long. Anxiety, Depression, CPTSD, ADHD, traits of BPD. Pretty much have experiences this my whole adult life with no reprieve from the intense symptoms. It has gotten so bad that I have been so crippled by this I have not been able to work for a year now. I have tried 10 different types of medication in the last 5 years, countless therapists, a structured CBT program, working with a Psychologist and more. I am not getting better and I am feeling quite hopeless. I'm grasping at straws. I know you have tons of people you are helping in their healing journey, but if you have a minute to suggest some things, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you and sending lots of love 💗💗

[@mysinella]

A parent won’t feel responsible for the damage they did by watching your videos. They need more pressure to learn about what they did to us

[@amyj.4992]

Looooooots of cultural repression with certain people, who weren't taught how to tune in to our evolution system. Somatic exercises are wonderful. Which is why I love to dance and move, and get creative or write. My mama always told me to take baths, when I was pissed off. I taught a former relationship partner to do these same things. Washed her body for touch therapy as well.

[@SyNcLife]

Would you say feelings are the most "realistic" thing we can be aware of? And why?

[@leticiamagalhaes3747]

Heyy I see many people saying that we should let our feelings come and go... But I worry about passions, since they're majorly considered as our "calling/purpose/ soul contract". How should I behave with my excitement and passion? Because I don't know if I have any calling or something like that. It gets to be boring because Idk what I deeply wanna do..

[@ebbenielsen7]

Can it not be misunderstood that with releasing emotions by, for example, running? Here I am thinking that some are trying to run AWAY from their emotions so that they just do not have to feel them or even acknowledge them? And that's not the point, is it?

[@elsameze]

I really want to be able to do these and all the techniques I know are the way to healing. But when I’m off the antidepressant, the feeling of sadness and loneliness is so strong, I feel like an abandoned newborn baby. My survival actually feels threatened and this lasts 24/7. So it makes it very hard to do the work while I’m in those states. Then I get back on antidepressants and the feelings are not there to be worked on 😑. Anyone can relate? Any advise? I’m open to anything, I am committed to my journey. I just need the minimum basic peace or feeling of safeness.

[@juliettehurst6632]

Have you tried slowly weening off the anti depressants. I've heard some people take years slowly reducing dosage and learning how to manage those emotions rather than going cold turkey. Hope this helps.

[@elsameze]

Thank you so much for your response Juliette!! That's what I am doing right now and it seems to be the only way @@juliettehurst6632

[@lannaintajak80]

Well, I hate jogging, only to find out that jogging is actually the best way for me to be with myself calmly and peacefully.

[@thecounselor6221]

🙏🙏🙏

[@abbeybevan8225]

but there arent any sensations.

[@llinalayful]

💙