How To Know If You're The Problem in Your Marriage

Today's Topics:
-How to know if you're the problem in your marriage relationship.
-How do I show my spouse that I am changing?
-Techniques to resolve hurt feelings after an affair.
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Are you fighting for your marriage...but for some reason, your spouse keeps going further away?
Has your spouse mentioned that they feel like they would be happier living alone than with you?
Do you know what you SHOULD do to make your marriage work, but don't feel like it applies to you because your circumstance is unique?
This is a HARD place to be. While we at Marriage Helper never want to blame one person or another for what's going on in the marriage...there does come a point where we have to figure out the core issue going on.
Maybe your spouse has left, and while that feels like the core issue, there was probably something that happened (or has been evolving) for a period of time that led to that.
And maybe, just maybe, you had more to do with it than you think.
Watch this episode to learn:
How to tell if you are causing problems in your marriage (whether you mean to or not)
How to stop pushing your spouse away with the things you do
How to show your spouse you are changing and regain their trust

[@Ed-vi8lj]

My wife told me I should reinvent myself. I thought about it for weeks. Itt was a slap in the face and it did effect my self esteem

[@fransinanorval7019]

I lived in a no sex marriage of 10 or less time intimate with my husband of 27 years. I stayed, loved him, raised three beautiful children and immigrated away from my entire family because he made all the decisions. After 27 years I realised he had an emotional affair, I forgave him and he never turned his heart back to me. I set a boundary after a year because I could not do the dysfunction any more and he chose to separate, but insisted he will not leave the house. I left and left everything except my clothes because all three my young adult children were leaving. Still love my husband, but nothing is ever as black and white as it seems. Thank you for your programs

[@salemthorup9536]

I'm realizing one of the things that irritates my husband a lot is my own negative comments about myself. Because he knows that's part of unhealthy thought patterns. It feeds my hypercritical side way too much. So I'm excited to start mastering positive thinking and self talk. I know I can do this. I'm seeing an amazing therapist. I'm going to get coaching with one of your people. I'm not even sure I want to ask my hubby to join the coaching until I build more trust with myself on my own thoughts, words and behaviors. What a relief!!! I get to be more nice to myself and to others. Y'all are amazing!!! Thank you and God bless you for what you do. I know this is your living, but I pray you are blessed beyond just the material fruits of your labor because the blessings you're bringing to others cannot be quantified in material means.

[@jeremybrooks7415]

I already know I was at least 90% of the problem and am willing to go 100%. I just think she doesn't care.

[@salemthorup9536]

I've watched enough MH and worked thru enough of my marital issues to know the answer to this is: Yes, it's me. I'm the problem. Lol. But seriously....I couldn't change him anyway. I can only work on me. So, yes, i get to see what i can change.

[@rosettemarshall3024]

If your spouse does not communicate with you in the beginning their needs and you find out they need something you are not going to ever provide, may be a sexual act, and they choose to go outside of the marriage to get it, that is not my fault. There are plenty of things I would like in my marriage that I am not getting but I choose not to go in the street.

[@rhaughton]

I swear Dr Joe was a cartoon character in my childhood 😂. Much love to you both! You are doing amazing work.

[@Hamann9631]

I love your honesty. I mean about how you don't make guarantees of results. People are complicated.

[@salemthorup9536]

I found multiple channels and resources that are very similar to your philosophy and still reference some of them only because I don't think they contradict you. But I'm totally hooked on you guys right now. I really feel like I can stick to what you're saying. And I enjoy having my daily dose of MH to help me learn and understand new things. I love that you told me to not fixate on just how to fix my marriage. So I'm spending more time on other subjects that help me with my PIES. It's helping so much.

[@jammiez2805]

How do you stop your husband from constantly doing things and coming back again and again saying sorry? Do you just leave him? Its hard when you have kids . It would be different if it were just me but with kids and no support system thats hard to just walk away. Plus I am a stay at home mom with no family close by. I put my foot down but he doesnt respect those boundaries plus he denies denies denies.

[@lauras3666]

Honey, you work on yourself, you have no control over what others do. Find a remote job, become self sufficient.

[@sue1570]

You literally hit all of the most important points! Thank you! Talking about the neuro pathways is so important. I think when people understand that you can change your brain by changing your thoughts they can become so much stronger in every aspect of their lives.

[@ShadaeMastersAstrology]

Perfectly stated!!!

[@miracleOfLights]

I was anxious about money all the time and give her a hard time whenever she would want to do things or spend money. She felt like she was old living with me and that I changed after marriage. I always got my way as she gave into the things I wanted out of guilt. She even felt guiltyfor not going to church. Overall she felt like she was living in my shadow, a life for me and not herself. Felt smothered, controlled manipulated, like she could not breath. Plus i became a woose not standing up for things or situations that made her feel safe or protected, and lost attraction. Now she wants a divorce and is in a relationship with a coworker. She now changed herself and values to try to figure who she is again.

[@salemthorup9536]

I've been the person you described starting about 15 minutes. I'm definitely doing lots of work to overcome that.

[@82DevilsNDisguise]

My wife and I are having issues. Been going on for years but we’re just recently addressing it and we’re in a really rough spot. In our case I’m the majority of the problem and I’m coming to terms with that. I’d say ~90% me, ~10% her. She doesn’t seem to want to take responsibility for her 10% which is fine. Perhaps over time she will reflect. For now, all I can do is focus on myself. Thank you for these videos, Marriage Helper. They have been very insightful.

[@luxe-zone-butterfly_]

You two have made me realize so much in my marriage. I cannot thank you enough for helping me open my eyes.

[@petitiebeauty5717]

Good news..Hello Mr osekhametalor He can recover your relationship back

[@petitiebeauty5717]

Text him on wha'txpp

[@mjperfume1523]

@@petitiebeauty5717 No im not going to trust u

[@christiangenger6113]

Thank you for this wise and refreshing perspective. So much to learn, I will be soaking in the information from this lesson for a while. Admitted ‘preoccupied’ type, learning and growing, day by day. I appreciate that Spark of Life was shared. Thank you, David! I sincerely have been blessed and am being blessed by your ministry. Thank you for your videos.

[@paulthomas2678]

My question that nags me is why did my mate find others more attractive than me. She takes responsibility but I just want to know why so I feel safe that she won’t do it again.

[@valclub479]

Uniquely amazing information. Thank you

[@Eniclac]

Great talk, even though I ended up focusing on kims acknowledgement sound "mhem", it's extremly monotone, beyond that, all that is said here should be taught in schools.

[@christinelc8650]

You say don't be a jerk. But what do you do when the apology is fake and insincere?

[@ShadaeMastersAstrology]

Forgive with trust building boundaries.

[@edenevermore]

Thank you

[@davegensler7126]

g Good info \Great Bible quote

[@taciasoares2022]

I would love more examples of problems in marriages, it was so helpful to hear you talk about what other people go through and to feel like it’s not just us and there are things we can do to fix them

[@wickedlee664]

You don’t like hearing you are the problem eh? You wanna get to fixing someone else!

[@DNPMSW]

My spouse has been resentful I accept my part but I am finding resentful growing because ive taken full ownership and yet I feel like I am not able to express myself.

[@chrisappleton619]

How has this worked out for you?

[@kimora7964]

Any update please?

[@DNPMSW]

hi i have posted new comment update@@kimora7964

[@salemthorup9536]

About to watch this. Commercial is going. My guess is their answer is: just assume it is you and you might just heal your marriage. Basically. But I'm gonna watch it anyway.

[@blesseyakndue2763]

Can this workshop be virtual?

[@vanessaaugust93]

Dr. Beam I live in Australia, do you online workshop in other countries

[@andrewmulokozi8251]

Genesis 50:20 But as for you

[@angeliquenoble328]

Nope!!

[@Thecapri48oficial]

I'm the problem I use my phone a lot I have a youtube channel and spend a lot of time making videos & I watch porn and that is the reason I'm separated from my lovely wife I've had Time to reflect & working on quitting everything for her

[@petitiebeauty5717]

Good news..Hello Mr osekhametalor He can recover your relationship back

[@petitiebeauty5717]

Text him on wha'txpp

[@orangecounty60]

Bro that’s good, Porn Will ruin everything in a marriage, seek help to stop, porn is like a drug to guys.

[@genevieveporter8862]

My H just walked out, after having an affair for a year on and off. He said He resents me for him doing what he thought I wanted. I never once asked him to do anything like that. He just wanted to make me happy. He said He lost himself because of it. I genuinally thought he came home every night cause he wanted to. He chose to not go out and make friends, I never asked him not to go out. I don't know what I displayed that made him feel he had to be like that. But now he's gone, 24 years of marriage on the line. I asked him why he never said anything, be sure he didn't want to upset me. It's so confusing.

[@Imjustsayin99]

@Victoria Akomolede that's a pretty general brush stroke. I'm a man and I talk plenty and am willing to share my emotions. But I will say since discovering my wife's infidelity, I have learned that from her perspective it felt like I didn't care or wanted to be alone when I was off mowing the yard or doing things. The melancholy may end up being alone, but they don't necessarily want to be alone. When I am alone I am usually working things out in my soul and talking to myself. My mistake in 24 years was assuming she knew this instinctively. We never really had fights, but we did face much adversity. What I didn't realize is that she had a narrative of resentment slowly playing in her mind through the tough times. This eventually justified her escape.

[@EsseQuamVideriSe7en]

@@Imjustsayin99 This resonated with me Don. Look into Attachment Theory if you want to understand why you self-regulate.

[@talisikid1618]

Too many childish, narcissistic people who can’t seem to grow up. We need to be careful about what we say. Channels like this help to dispel that k on nice a cheater always a cheater meme. But it does seem to be the majority of cases. But it probably is due to corrupt morals of both parties and the resulting hard, unforgiving attitude. 12:26

[@wymandiazjr2815]

My wife always says that I want to argue with her. She is very impatient. She expects me to know things that I do not understand.

[@aligolightly7359]

Have you tried asking her what she means?

[@EsseQuamVideriSe7en]

I have a friend who is in the exact same boat. He doesn't understand his wife. No one understands his wife. And if he asks for clarity she gets very angry and tells him to figure it out and gets even more angry when he doesn't.

[@bumblebee2227]

My husband does this very thing 😮

[@user-mj1ht1tw2w]

Mais non pas du tous honnêtement pas de problème j'aime bien si Dieu le veut bien

[@TruthIsEasy]

Way too tip-toey around offending people. The ones you are trying not to offend, are not on here wondering if they are the problem.

[@thomasjust2663]

Agree, if people are that easily offended, perhaps that's why their marriage is failing, they can't take any responsibility of any kind

[@Squiddogg]

Blaming the victim.

[@thomasjust2663]

How is he blaming the victim?

[@yanaranuon]

Im in limerence for Kimberly

[@mjperfume1523]

He was Never there for my depression, all he could say was u r just lazy and want attention !!!!!!!

[@miracleOfLights]

You did not feel understood, must be so hard especially with depression. Therapy would be best option with medication if needed.

[@farmboy6218]

All black. Funeral attire?