How to Properly Deal with Attachment & Emotion Regulation

This week licensed therapist Kati Morton discusses attachment and how that can show up in therapy, she also digs into emotion regulation and finding healthier ways to do it, and finally she talks about attachment in our romantic relationships and how to better manage it.
Audience questions for Ask Kati Anything ep. 237 | Your mental health podcast
1. Hi Kati! I hope you are well, I absolutely love your videos and you are helping me so much. My question is attachment related. I was in therapy for a year and now ended a few months ago and I am really struggling to cope now. I have an anxious attachment style and severe abandonment issues. Since the beginning of therapy I've been super attached to my therapist and feared therapy ending. I told her about everything I was feeling and we worked on therapy ending quite a lot, but we didn't really do any attachment work. We worked more on accepting it I guess, she is a CBT therapist and told me transference and stuff is not really a CBT thing. I feel like I am completely obsessed with her, I think about her 24/7, I google her obsessively and look at her friends instagram... 01:38
2. Hey Kati, could you talk about emotional regulation please? I have been talking to a friend about self and co-regulation. Could you possibly explain a bit about how they relate to each other and how to learn how to self regulate? I think it is coming from an anxious attachment style for me and I’m really struggling to self regulate but it’s so difficult to reach out. It’s something I am coming to realize I struggle with and I feel like it will strain my relationship with my best friend because she is dealing with me a lot at the moment. She is amazing and is so understanding but I don’t want to put this on her. We have already talked a bit about it. 14:42
3. I second the idea of emotional regulation. I never learned that skill. All I learned from observation was to not show anyone how I feel. That’s problematic for those of us on the spectrum. I just realized I’ve had meltdowns in the past. I thought that’s what “crying” or “being mad” was. So I want to process and regulate better going forward. 21:07
4. Hi Kati!! Could you talk about why self harm helps relieve our intense emotions in the moment of self harming? Could you also talk about why someone touching where we self harm can be so triggering? My friend grabbed my wrist the other day and I freaked out. 24:48
5. Hi Kati! Whenever I can‘t see my partner for longer periods of time (due to travel for work or holidays), I miss him but simultaneously get a strong urge to pick a fight and break up. I really spiral, feel worthless and unloved and am disgusted with myself. Similarly, as soon as my therapist is away on holiday and I wish I had a session, I freak out and want to quit therapy for good. This seems to be a weird pattern throughout my relationships I can‘t quite get a handle on. Where can this come from and how do I address it? I really struggle to not impulsively act on my feelings. In case that’s important: I have ADHD and suffer from CPTSD due to emotional and physical abuse during childhood. Thanks for everything you do! 28:17
6. Hi. I recently broke up with my long term partner. It was very hard but not dramatic, I just fell out of love, but it triggered many feelings of fear about aging and loneliness. I feel sometimes like I'm a bad person that is not deserving of love and I feel guilt about the breakup. My ex is a good person and there was no cheating or fights. We were in a 4 year long distance relationship after 2 years of a normal one and when we got back together I just didn't feel the same. 35:41
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[@trishbenson123]

Hi Katie, this is a brilliant it will be so helpful for those struggling with attachment and especially those in therapy .

[@Mystic_Paths]

Emotional regulation and changing attachment patterns is a slow process. It’s important to practice patience with yourself and recognize that setbacks are part of the journey.

[@msxeunybunxy]

Hi Kati! I wish you would do a whole Ask episode on romantic relationships! I like the last question. Even though you are married, it seems like you appreciate independence and singleness, which I find pretty cool.

[@christineewing3492]

G'day Kati. I really like the way you manage to speak and look at the camera as if we are in the room with you. I feel like you are talking to ME! A lot of online "therapy" videos don't manage to achieve this. I have my 3 favourites I watch now. I have complex PTSD and have been seeing the same therapist for 3 years now. Yes she is "trauma informed" and doesn't do CBT on me. We have had two of what she calls "ruptures" in our therapeutic relationship (I was pissed off with her for not "fixing" me and she was pissed off with me for being angry at her in a few sessions). We have worked through this together. I have attachment and abandonment issues. I don't think about my therapist all the time anymore. But I know she is there for me.

[@nikkimckay860]

@katimorton. Good afternoon its so good to see you and as always your calming voice and seeing you is so comforting and i really love and appreciate your mental health AKA podcast i clicked soon as i aee the notification p.s i like your ida of changed theme question s i can always relate to a question in some way ❤🙏🏻

[@Billy33753]

Hi there! I found I had an anxious attachment situation where I was going through the loss of my dad and the fear of being separated . This video was helpful

[@A_Me_Amy]

best therapy happens when you work together with others towards a common goal. The simple little things you can do with a group and the little conversations while doing so is the best. Not really just like friends, but there should be community groups who are always just working together to make the community better while also doing this conversational thing. Like, imagine if this good work was being done and depressed people were encouraged to help if they want for fun for like an hour or whatever that can actually acomplish goals, putting the focus on some good that is rewarding and permanently beneficial, unlike paying your bills. Good for therapy and for community and for God.

[@AuntieBri5]

Hey Kati! Thanks for this topic!! Would you be willing to do an episode about disorganized attachment and BPD? I have both, along with many other diagnoses. But I would like to know how disorganized attachment and BPD seem to go hand in hand a lot of the time!

[@leonievh1223]

Yes I think that it's a great idea and now people will know what the video is about and if it is for them❤

[@NataliaNieves-fi8vd]

I have inner child work that has been beneficial for my personal growth; specifically shadow work and self reflection

[@Lari5555]

Thank you so much!!🩷

[@Kouxster]

Hi Kati. I’m not sure if this is the place to ask a question, but I’ll give it a shot. Last week I got this sudden urge to write a goodbye letter. I’ve dealt with suicidal thoughts on and off, but that idea has never come up until now. Would you know why this suddenly happened? Should I be concerned? I haven’t written anything down on paper yet, but a draft is being formulated in my head. Thank you for all that you do.

[@SoOkThenLetsGo]

I know this is a video that I really needed at the time it was provided but I found it overwhelming bc i most definitely need to follow the instructions provided. ( In a very positive note, I did not dissociate during the video as I previously have.) I am becoming more aware that my current therapist is not equipped to help with these issues and I don’t think we ever ‘clicked’. I’ve asked for a referral a few times and it hasn’t happened. It’s making me feel stuck. To make matters worse, my ADHD impatience has me holding my breath hoping to fast forward to the resolved stage’ or at least, I should (I know…) be well within the ‘working through’ stage. So I guess> where do i start?

[@Star-dj1kw]

✅ good video

[@NJ-wb1cz]

It's the first time I noticed you doing the millennial pause, now I want to rewatch the previous videos to check if you've been doing it all along and I just have never noticed it 😂 Sorry, has nothing to do with the actual topics of the video

[@SoOkThenLetsGo]

I know this is a video that I really needed at the time it was provided but I found it overwhelming bc i most definitely need to follow the instructions provided. ( In a very positive note, I did not dissociate during the video as I previously have.) I am becoming more aware that my current therapist is not equipped to help with these issues and I don’t think we ever ‘clicked’. I’ve asked for a referral a few times and it hasn’t happened. It’s making me feel stuck. To make matters worse, my ADHD impatience has me holding my breath hoping to fast forward to the resolved stage’ or at least, I should (I know…) be well within the ‘working through’ stage. So I guess> where do i start?