How To Recover From Betrayal

Struggling with rumination after a betrayal? CBT didn't work? Discover a different approach: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Learn 4 powerful techniques to break free from obsessive thoughts, heal from betrayal trauma, and reclaim your peace of mind.
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[@antonydrossos5719]

It’s bloody hard to really trust people anymore

[@okjr]

Ikr believe me I'm trying to

[@hazel2787]

I don’t know how anymore

[@Marsolan]

I think it’s very helpful to realize that people do what they do because of them and not because of us. Their action are based on their own needs. We have a tendency to think that we are the reasons they did what we didn’t like, but it was my experience that people have their own wars and they act accordingly. It has very little to do with us.

[@free2express08]

Stay strong. I'm sure you know, it's a long process. These techniques have really helped me begin healing from family issues, childhood beliefs and relationship cheating.

[@sf6555]

Totally.. everyone just messes with you 😞

[@briechilli4496]

Betrayal- the gift which keeps on giving ! It should be a crime.

[@Kristina-tp2it]

🥰

[@M14r5z9]

Family betrayals are very painful.

[@beautyloverxoxo3942]

It’s the worst kind of betrayal.

[@pdelaprimm]

Absolutely: When it goes directly to identity, self concept, ability, relationship to life, agency, performance and more, I can’t think of anything worse. This seems particularly steep when it’s family doing it to one another in ways that ruin each other’s lives. And for several, the betrayal was irreversible.

[@todadilepengukingdom]

I lost my job because my former coworker spread lies about me to my supervisors behind my back, and everything has been a struggle. I'm tired of trusting people.

[@free2express08]

I'm so sorry. Your income being affected can sometimes feel like the worst kinds of betrayal. We (and I mean me too) have to learn to trust the right people. Not everyone wants to hurt us.

[@miladydewinter8551]

Narcissist Smear Campaign

[@Finnv893]

And why didn't you defend yourself?

[@jacksgl777]

@@Finnv893 probably like me; the person does it behind your back and it’s difficult to keep up with correcting the lies

[@jacksgl777]

@DawgyinaField Those are very hard to prove. I, myself, about 10 years ago reported to HR a manager that was acting inappropriately (doing behaviors we were taught in demanded ethics training every year not to do). But HR goes after the person that is a threat “to the company”, which became me. I tried to fight back but it’s near impossible. I learned from many others, the best option is to put up with it or walk away. Don’t go to your company’s HR. And this person would have had a “lot” of documentation and good/great performance reviews to even get near the ability to get a law suit. It does suck; but such is life.

[@peculiarlittleman5303]

In "The Inferno" by Dante, the lowest level of Hell is occupied by people who betray. It's a pleasant thought, in a dark sort of way. Always got to be careful not to become what you hate.

[@EB-gt1pq]

I’m sick of helping and doing favors for people that never help me in return.

[@lordfreerealestate8302]

I believe in compassion, but we need to be careful of how much of ourselves we give away. And to never be a doormat.

[@KarmaKonchock]

I would do it because I want to if not I won't, but defo not expect something in return, the feeling you get from helping should be enough. People change through beautiful acts of kindness. Keep it up ;) x

[@pinkchilldivestmentor]

Quiet quit. Stop doing favors without telling them. Don’t do them anymore favors and then start asking for favors. You will get your answer.

[@denisguilbault298]

Il say something here no one says.. you are accepted for who you are and as you are. You have nothing to prove nothing to do but to treat yourself and let those who don't appreciate that just pass you by. Give yourself the give of you. Note your worth more than you think 🤔

[@paulpetinos564]

We give to give, not to receive. However, if someone doesn’t treat us well or we notice something negative about them, then it’s best to stop giving and stay away from those people.

[@quackman]

Betrayal sucks mentally... especially when it results in major physical/medical/financial trouble

[@conversationswithcory3730]

I'm going through it now. Some days I don't even eat or sleep

[@daynak3904]

​@@conversationswithcory3730I sincerely hope that watching these videos gives you hope that even the littlest thing you do is something that helps you.

[@sravya1902]

My parents!!! Good thing I saw this video in my 30s. I have rest of my life, I will heal and love myself

[@ghostface_7]

Man I was stabbed in the back by a "friend" a little over a year ago and that DARVO breakdown was spot on, that is EXACTLY what she tried to do lol

[@mentalhealthwithalana]

Yes, I had the same thing happen 😢

[@liambraithewaite6415]

In other words, recovering from being gaslighted

[@eriamhsl3841]

No. Lmao

[@liambraithewaite6415]

@@eriamhsl3841 uh yes. That's where DARVO originated from

[@n.b.johanson4732]

Finally, there's a name for the pain caused by my family when my mother convinced them to shun me because I didn't want to be controlled by her or the religion she chose for her children.

[@juliettespain7994]

Narcissist find their victims quite easily. These perpetrators have antennas. Narcissist parent- emotional abuse ( betrayal). Truly sucks!

[@downtime86stars17]

It's especially easy for them when they target their kids.

[@erict7093]

This is exactly what I went through with my former business partners. The vicious lies that they told about me in order to have me fired really hurts! And the one that created all the lies was my step sister who was one of my business partners!!!!!

[@user-ov4wr5yu4r]

Seriously?! I'm completely clear on who betrayed me and just how significantly it affected my life. They will never feel remorse or try to make even a small gesture to make amends. The anger is not abating. I became bitter. I have no shame. They should feel shame. They wronged me, and they will die thinking there's nothing to even apologise for. I do know my values and goals, but the anger keeps returning. They will never pay their debt for perpetrating evil.

[@thirstonhowellthebird]

Let me tell you, they will pay. The universe is the soul of life and the Bible is real. If you mess with God‘s chosen children you will have ill health and financial problems and so many other things will go wrong. That person who hurt you might be on Facebook looking all happy and wonderful but trust me behind the scenes they are miserable. They know what they did, you had a light that shined brighter than theirs and they hated you for that and that’s why they targeted you. Try and move forward as hard as it is to let that anger go. It’s poisoning your soul through anxiety and anger. I get it for sure and have been in your shoes and still feel the rage, but let me just tell you that most of the people who betrayed me are now dead or dying and that terrifies me, it terrifies me because I know and see the power of God and what does He say? “vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord”

[@tracysnipes2144]

@@thirstonhowellthebird Omg ❤❤❤I read everything on this post and you are sooo right. I couldn’t have wrote this better. I was married for 31yrs and he cheated within the first 5 years and all his family and friends knew that he was cheating. I had no clue as I was working 2 jobs and he was disrespecting my home and my own bedroom. Fast forward got caught and never left with her. It was my home but he wanted me to leave. Stayed and rode this marriage some more. Now we 10yrs in 1999 and here comes another discovery affair 😮 I was done. Fast forward 4 More years and I said I was moving to another state to start over. He decided he was sorry and wanted to come with. Big mistake of minds. Yep only made it easier to cheat because he was still having contacts with the affair partners as if they was besties. Fast forward 16 yrs and all of sudden he got ill 😷 and didn’t make it. After caring for him I found out he was having a full blown affair double life with a childhood friend for 4 yrs and family and friends knew. Yep she bragged about been his soulmate and been happy now and miss him as if she was the widow. Friends and family rallying around her as if she was the wife that had to pay and buried this man. You are right many betrayed me but a lot are not good enough to be in my new season. God see everything . Two betrayers are ill and one is going blind and the other is an alcoholic. I thank God for my blessings and I need to keep my head up.

[@kyaasarin8039]

im literally feeling the exact same right now. just cant seem to move past these thoughts

[@erict7093]

Thank you doctor for breaking this type of betrayal down I've never heard of such therapy. That betrayal hurt so bad that I had to go into therapy. I will be seeking out the acceptance therapy to help me even more!!! Every detail you described in this video is what I have been going through!!!!

[@free2express08]

❤❤❤❤❤

[@jg2745]

I've been betrayed by two people just in few months. one of them was my partner, the other my best friend and they both hurt me in the past and the pain still stays. I now have a partner who's always there for me and reassures me that I'm okay and that I was the victim, even my friends admit that. however, my mind can be tricky and play games with me, especially because of the darvo (which shocked me with how accurately did it match both the situations). I'm honestly glad that I've found this video, thank you for spreading awareness about this and helping people see deeper into their problems even without having to pay for a therapy session❤

[@purgatorysystem2126]

I've had three big betrayals with peers in my adolescence, I'm 25 now and in therapy over this. I thought I had lost my sanity in my youth.

[@M_SC]

Hopefully you have met better people.

[@purgatorysystem2126]

@@M_SC Worlds better, thank you.

[@LizkaTheG]

Your youth isn’t even over! I’m glad you get to enjoy the rest of it with better people :)

[@Skootfairy]

1:03 the visuals for this are fire! Bbq sauce shower, nose picking watching tv 😂 kudos to the person who made my day.

[@free2express08]

Dr. Marks videos are very engaging 😁

[@torresthemonster]

very funny :D

[@lordfreerealestate8302]

The woman who protected and enabled my abuser is the one who gave me betrayal trauma. She was a literal feminist activist and yet, she protected my male abuser to prevent a scandal that would tarnish her image as a progessive hero. She is likely a communal narcissist.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

I believe you 💯. It is beyond sickening. Feel all of your anger. It is righteous anger. If accountability was possible it would be a good thing. Also I don’t believe in Karma. I hope you find a way to heal - this is the most horrid of traumas to face.

[@iamaworthlesscripple]

jesus... talk about algorithms... it's been almost 3 months and i only just learned the proper term a week ago, and now this channel I've followed because of narcissism discussions is now talking about the exact problem I'm living with right now.

[@scarysylvi]

Fr my phone is always listening, but every once in a while, it gives me some good content that might actually help and it’s these moments I’m happy about it 🥲 like “maybe stop sending me propaganda, but the self help vids are nice. Thanks FBI agent!” 😂

[@planetkvax6813]

It's so important that you talk about how to heal from these intrusive thoughts rather than to go on therapy and keep ruminating over the betray. Thank you so much Dr Marks ❤❤❤

[@EB-gt1pq]

That’s a great point. All you do in Therapy is rehash it over and over again.

[@jacksgl777]

Thank you for stating that. I’ve been to one therapist after another. They really have no clue how to help. That don’t understand the true real pain that can come from huge betrayals from family members over years and years. I really wonder why people that don’t have empathy for others even remain as a therapist. You end up having to get over more pain from an uninterested or unskilled therapist

[@priscilaundomiel3264]

Betrayal should be considered a heavy crime by law! The damage caused to victims is countless and is not treated in just one way and is not cured quickly. The attackers had to pay extra compensation to the victims, who knows, maybe they would betray less! I have been betrayed by a romantic partner, by friends, by family and by companies I worked for. I only recommend this to my worst enemy, because these betrayals are horrible and that of romantic partners and family are the worst betrayals there are. Those betrayals changes you, and not in a good way. I don't know if one day I will feel better again. Probably I won't!

[@AriKhuu]

THANK YOU! I was in therapy for a bit and the therapists kept telling me to “think about it differently” when it comes to my abuse trauma. Like, lady, I’m supposed to think about my parent beating me into a pulp differently? Differently how?? And omg the gaslighting is unreal. My parents convinced themselves what they did was just. That they were good people for beating me because that’s how kids should be disciplined. wtf.

[@aimeewithers7376]

Years ago i would of laughed when someone said do some mindfulness, but it really is very helpful. Every single time I spiral into a panic attack,I check in with myself and work through what am feeling. It don't take the problem away but helps me massively. You're videos are fantastic help and support thank you ,from Aimee in the UK 🇬🇧 😊

[@savvyAKAgyrl]

These are thee best mental health videos on KZbin! God bless you Dr. Marks!

[@ddburrows6419]

This was one of the clearest, spot-on and most helpful videos I’ve ever watched.

[@the.modern.fairie]

I didn't know what this was till now. I rumminated for over 5 years because of horrifically selfish so called friend. It hurt so much. I didn't truss anyone and ruined new potential friendships. I'm still unlearning bad behavior over a different friend before this one. I really feel like im starting to heal. This is going to help me heal more.

[@Beutimus]

This is sounding a lot like my former religion. They really love the reversal technique and attacking people's character when they leave

[@DrTraceyMarks]

Unfortunately, very effective psychological tactics.

[@amarbyrd2520]

​@@DrTraceyMarksFamilies do it too, when a narcissist they want to protect abuses * you *

[@not_old_yet]

Such a succinct and clear description of ACT. It has been very helpful to me. With CBT, I got in this spiral of arguing with myself over how the healthier thoughts might not be true and I really was poo. ACT has given me a lot more peace. Thanks for the video!

[@JSFGuy]

Got a notice this time, let's check it out.

[@taraflying]

This life-changing content is incredibly validating and valuable. It took me 2 decades of therapy to find ACT and it has changed everything for me. I cannot believe how much better I feel after only a year and a half. Sometimes im like wow! Is this how healthy people experience life, even sometimes?! No wonder everything was so much more difficult for me. It all makes perfect sense now.

[@margot6041]

It's grief work too. Validate your perception and feelings.

[@Prometheushighaf]

For me to get over betrayal it took 5 years of me being drunk everyday just because pharmaceuticals don't work for me. Eventually I learned when bad thoughts come up I just say "onwards" as in next thought. Skip the negativity. Why not?

[@addysaw]

I did the same - I just said ''cut it'' as in ''cut out the thought''

[@lisbethbird8268]

"Don't fall in the hole." , " Just let it slide on out, don't grab on. "

[@free2express08]

That's such a good way to push past the negative thoughts.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

I had a very bad therapist- she causes me a lot if harm and put me back years. Yes i have betrayal rumination.

[@ElisabethDieDritte]

Same. If you would like to talk it through, tell me. Won't undo it or solve it, but maybe lighten the burden.

[@fl03y.x]

I've been through this in psychiatric wards to the point that I no longer have any trust.

[@민달이-n8w]

My daughter is only 5.. My husband cheated on me multiple times and was very violent. Now I'm finally getting the courage to get a divorce. I loved him more than anyone..

[@RainRemnant]

For what it's worth, I'm so proud of you for doing so. Sometimes I think it's the hardest knowing they don't love us like we love them. What he's doing to you is NOT ok, so good for saving yourself 🙏❣

[@ctlo4403]

Be aware what our perceptiontion of betrayal may be. Cultural differences surprisingly differ greatly. Healing is so so important. Knowing the abusers may have a brain tumor or have autism. Healing and isolation is independence.

[@hiimbrysinsmith2610]

I’ll never trust the same again. Completely changed me.

[@dclarke1896]

Excellent video! The ACT method is a game changer. In my experience although CBT is a very effective and powerful tool it just does not work for betrayal trauma. In my experience when you have been betrayed the person that betrays you will gaslight and deny over and over and over again which distorts your reality and ability to see things as they are. 😢

[@DoneGone282]

Thank you Dr Marks, as always.

[@damonstewart70]

Tracy marks is the best!!!

[@panasko228]

This video has helped me so much. I am going through it with my job.

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

Got retraumatized at work. Be careful which therapist you choose. My advice: go only to a trauma therapist (specialized in treating trauma) like NARM therapy

[@kennethokeefebrake8415]

WOW 😳 you amaze me with every presentation Dr Marks.

[@RenaObenreder]

Spousal betrayal makes you feel humiliated… so hard to ever trust again.

[@kynguyen5688]

CBT never worked for any of my problems and I tried 4 different therapists

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

Hi Therapy is not everything. So are fxxxxxx awful and some I know personally former friends- shocking the lack of integration

[@ata9244]

Thank you for making this video. Tears started halfway through and I had to watch the second half several times.

[@rociogrimaldo7870]

Dr Marks, you need to do a video about perimenopause and the brain ASAP. Please 🙏

[@mentalhealthwithalana]

This caused so many problems for me with trusting people and effected my relationships in a major way. I would have constant nightmares about it to. Took Mr so long to get over the rejection and hurt. 😢 😢

[@andagain21]

Timely topic, thank you

[@free2express08]

🤗

[@rainesonne1320]

My father, Uncle, and two brothers.......betrayed me! I'll never get over it! I've been struggling with this for 58 years......its too late for me to get past this!

[@raeperonneau4941]

It’s never too late! Today is the best day to start. The hurt may never go away but you can learn to live well with it.

[@rainesonne1320]

@@raeperonneau4941 Thank you for your kind words, but I'm so messed up that I really don't know how to let it go or move passed it! It's almost like a second skin, I wear as armor! Very difficult and sometimes impossible to get passed that kind of trauma, especially when it's been my constant companion for almost my whole life! I trust nobody.

[@s.nikki75]

I'm sorry you were betrayed by your own family, I can't imagine what you've gone through. I hope one day you can heal from it all. You are worth it. Love and blessings. 🙏🏽❤️

[@rainesonne1320]

@@s.nikki75 Thank you!

[@MrFirefox322]

thanks :) good reminders on handling the feelings and thoughts. betrayal can be very hard for me to move through because it is very difficult for me to imagine why anyone would want to do it to another person. if i let my thinking go too far, i start going black & white and believe that everyone is just untrustworthy and wants to hurt others when i reality things are just so messy so much of the time. perspective on the fact that this isn't my whole life helps a little as well and keeps me from universalizing. thanks again i needed these.

[@BlueskyDenver]

The more you invest into something or someone the greater the pain, betrayal and devastation in the end.!

[@deborahfreeze672]

Here's the thing I've been dealing with for 40 years. My ex pops up in my dreams fairly regularly. We are the same age (30's) as when I divorced him. We are doing normal, everyday activities but I am now (in the dream) recognizing his narcissistic behavior and calling him on it. At the same time as my present self (in the dream) I become very sad and remorseful about the effect his abuse has done to make me untrustful of close relationships that would lead to couplehood. Therapy has not helped thus far.

[@cassandrarowden]

ACT thank goodness

[@Nicole-zr1me]

Thanks this is helpful. A great reminder of important skills for any situation. I’ve realized my feelings are keeping me stuck in this situation and making it hard for me to make a decision regarding my unfaithful partner. So I’m working on feeling my fear, uncertainty and pain so I can have a clear mind to decide.

[@evonnedeloney8555]

Thank you! This is the word I needed today! I received your email.

[@addysaw]

I am having the thought that my future is looking bleak and flat

[@free2express08]

But you know that is your past pain or situation telling you that. How we view a situation greatly impacts how feel about it. Don't lose hope, my friend. ❤

[@jasminvomwalde7497]

Dr. Marks, longtime viewer here. I‘ve always loved the way you present complicated medical information for the layman. I much more preferred when the videos just showed you. The animations are very distracting, and they don‘t match the seriousness of the topics you talk about. Nevertheless please keep going. I can always listen to your content instead of watch it. Sincere thanks, Jasmin

[@jillkubinski4634]

Alot of us have no choice but to cut tie. When you have a narcissit abuser in family, you don't need to be mentally abused no one deserves this from anyone.

[@kanchanm6351]

This video blows my mind away😮 I never expected to came across such video and it's going to be very useful for me 🙂..in my coming days of my life Thanks a lot Mam ❤ I love the work u do to provide information and awareness 🙏

[@HackersThievesStalkers]

I trust many people.

[@VladaldTrumptin]

This is like a living purgatory. Or like when you’re getting scuba accreditation and you have to take your mask off and turn upside down in dark water. Awful

[@trauma2happiness]

Hi Tracey. Love your videos. Your explanation is spot on. Have you heard of EMDR? I did EMDR to get rid of my betrayal trauma and it was excellent.

[@AngelaSmith_1970]

I was a child when I was betrayed, I’m a victim of grooming and I didn’t fully comprehend that until a few weeks ago, that’s how badly my mind has been fckd up and my eldest sons from that “marriage” defend that pos and still don’t have any clue themselves exactly what their bio-donor is , I refuse to call that pos anything else bcuz he’s not a father and damn well ain’t no “dad”.

[@em4334]

Wow I found this video extremely helpful, thank you so much

[@flormarthas.ferreira4318]

You are só smart! Thanks for ALL your vídeos.

[@lisemzarate4029]

Thank you for this, I've made loads of progress on my own, using these techniques intuitively, and now I have some better vocabulary for my experiences ❤

[@aprilcunningham7246]

Betrayal is vile.

[@JohnSmith-ks5xw]

GREAT video. Thank you. Creating space between you and the thought/emotion. So important. Acknowledge the thought/emotion and recognize it is just a thought/emotion. Powerful.

[@lisamontoni6421]

This was SO helpful! Thank you SO much! Listened this morning. Saved. Subscribed. Commenting. Thank! Maria

[@nerdbamarich2063]

Thank you for this.

[@KellyOShea6366]

The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them. Ernest Hemingway 28 years of marital trust out the window.

[@cassiestevens8382]

Thanks💌

[@Mr._Johns_Productions]

I'm sharing this. Remember when my daddy said he was coming on the weekend. I was like f him, back then

[@saxsophone]

Thanks. It seems I did the right thing. Still caught in the tourmoil though. I started straight on by writing down all the facts and a timeline. Then the logical reasons for my arguments. It has ben a tremendus help all the way through the behavior described in the episode. I choose to understand/forgive but not forget. Learn and live…

[@bxrosie04]

Amazing video! ❤

[@laszlonagy9882]

Dear Mrs Marks, could you perhaps make a video on what to do to release blocked feelings of anger? The whole world tries to help block them even more, not the other way round.

[@stellaancimer8505]

For me talk therapy help me the most and meds of course to stopping rumination 😊

[@santitarodriguez3774]

Thank you very much. 🙏🏽

[@Michael69101]

I had issues with this in the past from my early childhood and I don't exactly recall my childhood so much of my early childhood anmesa, but I came to terms with this but I to get stressed and overwhelmed at times but I had became better with this to this point in my life.

[@retn1122]

Reminds me of The DENNIS system

[@tiffanykolinski286]

Amazing video. Priceless. Thank you !

[@aliafaruky5362]

Absolutely correct,

[@mikeparkerEDyt]

Thanks doc, this was helpful. I had started to wouder if the ruminating was to do with abuse.

[@autumnbronze7]

DARVO blew my mind, exactly what my mother do

[@dmitrymanchenkov2996]

Thank you very much for this highly educational and consolating video. Dr. Marks!

[@SheilaMoraes_]

i've been strugling with this for a few months. thanks for helping.

[@medhachakraborty7474]

I am a PhD scholar. My professor wanted to sexually exploit me. He used one of my colleagues as a messenger. She came and told me that my external examinee had been changed as I didn't work in tandem with a particular professor's wishes. I later came to know that it wasn't true. She was used by the professor to get this message across. When I confronted her about it she denied having said it. I still can't believe that these are my colleagues and these are my professors. This professor too used to act very compassionately towards me earlier. Now a days he has turned aggressiveve. He used to enquire me about my family. Now he has become vindictive. The matter is with Internal Complaints Committee now. But I often ruminate and doubt myself.

[@kjm485]

Sounds like gaslighting that leads to the survivor feeling crazy

[@val_ma]

How the f does it work?... Have no idea... Yet going through a messy break up with a nasty betrayal... Perfect timing....

[@daysleepnightread6905]

This is a good video. Thank you.

[@svngramz5160]

Thank you goddess u do real work 🔥🔥💨it’s time to let go and grab something new let’s go

[@TITSOAKBwthhybl]

“lil darkness” took me OUT 🤣 so real though

[@tatendamachakaire9539]

Thank you Dr Tracey

[@Etherealvioletco]

Wow thank you Dr. Marks this is such an important video!❤❤

[@TechieSewing]

Thank you, this is very helpful. I've met elements of this in OCD videos, and separately in rumination videos, and I do practice mindfulness, and it's all quite effective. Speaking of mindfulness, I keep having a question I don't see addressed anywhere. If having an observant mind that looks at the thoughts and emotions as not belonging to it is a good thing, how different is it from dissociation?

[@tiniowien57401]

How about "things between us didn't change." When they did in fact change ....

[@divinelyguided1144]

DARVO ❤❤❤ thank you 🙏🏾 ACT sounds like doing shadow work basically!

[@revrodgers]

Hey Doctor Tracey...who's been talking to you about what is going on with me? This is scary.

[@normajeancaballero7959]

Thank You for the video. 🧠🏥🧠🏥🧠🏥🧠🏥🧠