How to Say No at Work | Christine vs. Work

𝙎𝙪𝙗𝙨𝙘𝙧𝙞𝙗𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝘼𝙨𝙘𝙚𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙤𝙙𝙖𝙮! ✨ / hbrascend ✨
You may have wondered how to say no to a not-so-great request from your boss. Here’s how.
Innovation Editor Christine Liu tries the one thing that’s seemingly ingrained in our workplace brains: saying no to your boss or co-worker. It’s hard no matter how you slice it, but a clean framework can take the emotion out of the statement and soften the blow. In this episode of Christine vs. Work, Ruchika Tulshyan, an inclusion strategist and author of, “The Diversity Advantage” helps Christine out by presenting a formula and discussing why deflecting a workplace ask can be so difficult.
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[@harvardbusinessreview]

How comfy are you right now saying no to your boss? -Christine

[@faridrezaei8180]

My previous boss was a mess. I couldn't refuse to do anything and say no weekend project. And even if I did not accomplish my weekend task, which I had explained to him I can not do it, he would make me miserable during the week-days. But this new boss is awesome. Even I am free to tell him that I am on a date and therefore I can't do anything on the weekend.

[@cindywarrington5799]

watched the video last night and tried it with my boss today. Not very successful, but it felt gooood! Thanks again Christine :)

[@AkashBhojraj]

Omg! That was so intense! Talking with your boss in reality.

[@harvardbusinessreview]

Hi Akash, thanks for watching me try to hold it together 😂 -Christine

[@socialist-strong]

Christine made me laugh out loud and the exchange with her and Maureen were priceless. Thank you Christine for so courageously showing us your learning curve!

[@darcyeikenberg]

Every request is not equal. When we over-answer, we teach people that they can talk us into doing something that's not right for us.

[@beatadunn9899]

Thank you, I like that you’re authentic and real. I can relate to this - be more specific on other projects so they know you’re sincere when saying you need to prioritise- but love seeing this, being vulnerable. B

[@faridrezaei8180]

During this pandemic, we are working remotely, and since I can't see other reactions to what I say in a meeting, I get frustrated and nervous. I am constantly worried about what they think about me? Are they laughing at me? This makes me so insecure that even sometimes, it is affecting my performance. It's a good idea to review the insecurity caused by a persistent need for approval.

[@harvardbusinessreview]

Hi Farid, thanks for sharing. Remote working and virtual meetings have definitely thrown more ambiguity in the mix (and I feel it, too). To address your feelings of insecurity, perhaps this article may help: hbr.org/2019/05/how-to-stop-worrying-about-what-other-people-think-of-you You got this! -Christine

[@tamarathomas5900]

Build an ice breakers at the beginning of the meeting and require everyone to turn on their video.

[@alienlovetunes]

Imagine working in a normal workplace where your manager understands your bandwidth and you do what you were actually hired for… 🙌 wishing everyone a healthy environment

[@jjb890814]

Showing this to audience is not an easy thing, so thank you so much for doing this, and being real. I can so relate to this, and I am loving this series. Could you do prioritization tips at work, when you are swamped?

[@sarahevelynlaurence8160]

This is so brave to do, and do for a video audience. Great tips, thank you!

[@89DerChristian]

7:20 killed me. I have to remember that when I ever become manager lol

[@rashmi7288]

I love this series. Very practical advice. Ofcourse it is scary to put it into practice but learning to say no is so important. Thank you for making this video. Could you make a video on resolving conflict at work or about conflict of interest or discussing expectations mismatches with your boss?

[@aminemaamir5287]

Saying no was a big no-no for me due to the opportunity and my current circumstances but that is about to change thanks to you. I'll definitely try those suggestions! keep them videos coming Christine, I find them so helpful and most importantly so dam applicable right away 🚀

[@harvardbusinessreview]

Hi Amine, thanks for stopping by and the kind encouragement! Embrace the smallest of small wins, especially right now. Let me know how things go-I'll be rooting for you. -Christine

[@renzokouken9781]

OMG the time management clause Thank you for this

[@ayshadinius3093]

This was incredibly helpful! The struggle that showed is so real!! I especially loved seeing your initial (unrehearsed and impromptu) go at it :):) Thanks for the framework and advice to practice, practice, practice...

[@xkernalsandersx]

We watched this as part of a class at my work today - this was so helpful and really tied together all we talked about today. I am going to see about practicing with my boss as well!!!

[@jd4189]

Only just watched this, but very much enjoyed the content, as someone who constantly takes on too much due to having high standards of project delivery and an inability to say “that’s enough”. Plse keep up the excellent content.

[@ajalaabdulazeez]

Saying NO is truly harrd. Thanks for this.

[@harvardbusinessreview]

Hi Ajala, thanks for stopping by. It's never easy but it's a skill worth building. Good luck! -Christine

[@diantiarudi7684]

Love the boss - team communication practice. Thank you so much

[@cj-dq8ut]

My problem is I get things expected of me that are not expected of people who have worked there longer. Also I was told im getting a raise for a while but ive not been given the raise.

[@ellaquing3805]

Love this! Still find it difficult to say no but will try out the structure suggested by Ruchika

[@harvardbusinessreview]

Hi Ella, thanks for the kind words! Personally, I think it'll never be truly "easy" to do, but practice helps. Let me know how it goes for you! -Christine

[@lisaolson-wong3090]

Love your series, thank you, great practical advice for real life!

[@harvardbusinessreview]

Hi Lisa, thank you so much. I'm glad you're finding them helpful. -Christine

[@shelltown5663]

What I and my friends have struggled with is being salaried and the work load is requiring almost all all of our days off to be spent working to keep up. Even after more employees are hired, the workload continues to grow back to this same scenario. Boss says you are in customer service and the others are expected to provide the same excellent customer service. But I doubt they have a life either. Any advice when boss doesn’t care, plays other employees against you, snd your salary, and paid quite well?

[@Dadbodgrubs]

Thank you so much for taking the time to make these videos. They are real, relatable, and extremely helpful!

[@nomadd27828]

Really liked the concept in which you are making videos! Thank you so much :)

[@malibublue830]

Loved this content. Also found great humor at certain parts as well :) Will be having a similar discussion with my Manager today. I’m anxious, however I am ready. Tired of my strong work ethic being taken advantage of. Thank you :)

[@daymagarciagomez2152]

Loved this, Christine! More women need to hear this.

[@harvardbusinessreview]

Thanks Dayma! Feel free to share with those you think might need it right now. -Christine

[@MuhammadWaqasButt]

Hi Christine, thanks for covering this topic, really helpful. There are multiple topics but one of them for me personally is conflict resolution at a different level, your colleagues, people at the same level, manager, and higher management. If you can cover this topic with the scenarios based example as you did here, would be great! Keep it up the good work and stay safe! Regards, Waqas

[@harvardbusinessreview]

Hi Waqas, thanks for the ideas! Conflict resolution between levels is tricky alright. Let's see what we can do. Love the support! You stay safe out there, too. -Christine

[@palray2025]

Wow! Loved Maureen and you as always. Super practical tips but I wonder what happens if you're talking to a customer and they don't want to hear no?

[@sravanibodanapu6739]

Much Needed. 💙Thanks a ton!!! As always, you guys put up freaking amazing content. Quality 💯.

[@ChristineSalzer]

Einem Boss entgegenzukommen, der nicht mal den Überblick über laufende Projekte hat, heißt bei aller Liebe zur Kreativität Dritter in erster Linie, "Was verdammt tut dieses Intranet", zu recherchieren. Ansonsten würde er keinen Timeline-Abgleich benötigen. Software genug gibt es dafür ja. Er muss nur entscheiden, welche er mag. Für den Anfang genügt ihm vielleicht sogar Trello zum Patiencelegen. Sonst vergrault er noch das gesamte Team ins Homeoffice. Ich hatte mal einen, der damit drohte, dass alle, die zu mir kämen, von ihm geschickt seien. Er war leider auch als Ausbilder ziemlich ungeschickt, sodass er nur einmal selbst kam, wie ein Puffdebütant perforierte und mich dafür mehrfach durchfallen ließ. Das Ergebnis: Er wurde das, was jetzt Jens Scholz macht. Das Glockenbachviertel wäre stolz auf ihn: Mercury hätte nicht zeitnäher verenden können als seine Schutzbefohlenen.

[@michaelxie1978]

The framework really helps.

[@dannyndungu7454]

How do I make the most of my 1-on-1 time with my boss? I usually think throwing the basics: salary negotiations, current needs and also keeping it casual to build rapport.

[@jbquigley2010]

Great video

[@stoicblitzer]

laughed so hard when maureen said "maybe we need to talk about your time management skills" 🤣🤣

[@fercortes1d]

These videos are really useful 👌🏻👌🏻 nice work

[@harvardbusinessreview]

Hi Fer, thanks so much for stopping by! -Christine

[@tamarathomas5900]

I love to say "No"

[@harvardbusinessreview]

Hi Tamara, that's awesome to hear you're keen on setting boundaries. Any tips to share? -Christine

[@michj189]

Thanks for the helpful video Christine. Would you be able to do one on dealing with workplace bullying as well?

[@katherineparra2126]

This was incredibly useful, thank you for this really

[@farukahmad111]

Very helpful. Appreciated.

[@AQriousLittleBird]

Hey Christine, thanks for the video. Found your sample runs very helpful. Would you be able to do a video on how to cope with a boss who is insecure and jealous of you? Would love your take on it. Thanks!

[@aryanrao3231]

Really liking the way you're producing and presenting this great videos so far. Can you do a video on Online Learning if possible? Thanks!

[@BeccaVerna]

Super relevant and I loved the IRL role play!

[@nunyabizniss8367]

Brilliant! Thank you!

[@meetshingala5975]

Caerr's is the way to go. It was really intense I think you could have stated on the long run when you were asked. It would make a better appeal. And, as Maureen said that being firm on your decision and authenticity is important.

[@ginashim8502]

I love your series!

[@katiem6773]

Can you explore how to de-escalate work situations that are getting heated. Thanks

[@e.abisayo625]

Why didn’t I watch this video earlier, very nicely done 👍

[@harvardbusinessreview]

Hi Elizabeth, you're here now! That's what matters. Thanks for watching! -Christine

[@jenniferdeane1970]

Thank you for this! I'm very curious about how to determine if it's time management or a capacity issue. I will writing a blog about this to help leaders (and specifically women identifying leaders) explore this. I would welcome your thoughts on the Christine!

[@nettitude]

This is brilliant!!!

[@rachellee5200]

You memtioned “ healthy relationship” with your boss a couple of times. How do you know if your relationship is healthy or less healthy? If I want to improve, what can I do?

[@faridrezaei8180]

This is a good question. Since I can't access my boss in a meeting room to catch up or have a chit chat at the work., how can I establish a good and healthy relationship with my boss?

[@harvardbusinessreview]

Hi Rachel, great question. Essentially, you want to foster trust and respect in the relationship and feel like there's psychological safety-that it's OK to give honest feedback or show vulnerability. There's plenty of external factors, including the company's culture, how decisions are made on your team, your boss' managing style, etc. But at the end of the day it's a matter of communication. A good place to start is searching for "Managing Up" content on HBR.org, and if you enjoy podcasts, try this "Dear HBR" episode on building trust: hbr.org/podcast/2019/03/building-trust Let me know how things go, OK? -Christine

[@fz1468]

so... how do you say no to taking meeting minutes?

[@BillFotsch]

Of all the things one should get good at, saying no is WAY down the list. That said, when the request is counter to the organizational or personal goals, just point that out, typically in the form of a question, "Isn't that request counter to our current goals? Help me understand."

[@pravin070506]

For some weird reason I found this video really funny...especially the conversion with the boss ;-)

[@cindywarrington5799]

Great videos and advice Christine. Thank you. Would love to hear advice on getting your name pinned to an upcoming promo / opportunity while you're still newish : how to initiate the convo when your boss may or may not be expecting it, and how to have an effective discussion to lead to your desired results? If that makes sense

[@harvardbusinessreview]

Hi Cindy, thanks for dropping by! That's a great suggestion, about how to effectively put your hat in the ring for growth opportunities. Consider it under consideration! -Christine

[@muskduh]

thanks for the video

[@eyefffff]

Omg... really helpful! I like this video so much!

[@harvardbusinessreview]

Hi Lynn, here's an Omg back atcha! -Christine

[@Zeynepozturkk]

Great video!

[@prettycurious4062]

Wow. Real intense..

[@lydiajordan777]

I can so relate with you😂

[@charbel0970]

This is so hard I'm scared is there an aura so ppl won't ask you to do more

[@reesischess8054]

Love you videos! Please include subtitles!

[@harvardbusinessreview]

Hi N.G., thanks for the kind words! There should be captions available-hope this helps. -Christine

[@phanuphong]

Is there any How to teach boss to acknowledge the No No

[@samehwagdy1203]

Hi, First I like your videos it's really amazing and outstanding videos, it's helping me a lot. second, could you please talk about "how could I build up my career path?" or in other words "How could I create a personal development plan?"I really appreciate your effort thank you :)

[@mindtheprivacy]

You are so funny and fantastic.

[@GeminiPlatypus]

I would be too scared to be fired. Confidence? Whats that? 😂

[@jennatavarez2068]

Ugh that's the problem with a boss is that you can genuinely have too much do to in the time frame they want and instead of looking at it objectively they get mad cuz they want what they want and so they blame you by saying things like "you need to improve your time management" like no, I'm an effective worker it's just that no one can do three fucking projects in two days?????

[@acmazur]

Thank you for sharing this Christine - what would you say when you do not have a particularly good relationship with your boss or there is an underlying mistrust between the two of you. (I am a career consultant and often have clients dealing with this issue.)

[@harvardbusinessreview]

Hi Amy, thanks for stopping by! This article may be useful to share: hbr.org/2020/07/what-to-do-if-your-boss-doesnt-like-you It lays out the steps to improve that relationship, including clarifying expectations with your boss, being perceived as both competent and reliable, and being transparent when things go south. Hope this helps! -Christine

[@acmazur]

@@harvardbusinessreview Thank you so much for responding so promptly with a valuable article.

[@natty_b]

This is too real 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@lozotau]

The background music is too loud. Contents are great

[@curiosophy4241]

It's so difficult indeed! haha

[@Zeynepozturkk]

I want to know how you would influence people for them to improve their ways of working? How As a new employee in a global and big company how can I make people to respect me?

[@harvardbusinessreview]

Hi Zeynep, thanks for the question, and also congrats on your new job! These articles might be good places to start: hbr.org/2018/02/how-to-increase-your-influence-at-work & hbr.org/2020/08/strengthen-your-ability-to-influence-people It'll take a little time to build those relationships but putting the pieces in place early is a great plan on your part. Good luck! -Christine

[@CountryBoyShane]

OWWWWW... the time management comment ha ha ha!

[@samanthatovar6859]

And what about if i do not have a close relationship or full engage with my boss how do i manage this? Thank you!

[@harvardbusinessreview]

Hi Samantha, great question. See my comment ^^ to Rachel for more details, but you'll want to develop a trusting, psychologically safe relationship with your boss. It won't happen overnight, but learning the skills to manage up will have lasting benefits for your career development as a whole. Good luck-any progress is positive! -Christine

[@samanthatovar6859]

@@harvardbusinessreview yes totally agree! Thank you! Love the video 👏

[@victorrodriguezsr6081]

Later??? Tough talk thanks!

[@jamescaffrey7869]

damn that Ruchi chick HOT! Those eyes killed me

[@jennysoapdish4502]

This video started off great, but then you lost me on the inequality BS