How To Spot FRENEMIES

[@FayeInTheCity]

“Never feel guilty for being a good person to the wrong people.” That’s a WHOLE word!

[@EsaBoriDee]

This needs to go on a shirt

[@deedeel5977]

I loved this saying too 😍

[@shauxnough1244]

I wrote it down on a post it note and stuck it in my journal.

[@tondaniraluswinga2590]

I can't do it cause I just get hurt all the time

[@dr-k1667]

Putting that on a T shirt because who doesn't need to remember that!!!!!!!

[@tenwaystowearit]

I made a conscious choice to stop gossiping and receiving gossip years ago and for that I am truly truly blessed. God has made miracles happen in my life because I stopped those negative practices.

[@Laitalafraise]

Amen!

[@stygiangirl2717]

Wow will try this

[@hayleyb467]

I really want to do it but have such a hard time steering away from gossip. Sadly it is a major part of most conversations. Any practical tips on how to shut down the mean talk & step into the light? Love to you♡

[@lexie02jones25]

Amen!

[@yummykitchendirect4528]

Amen to that as gossip broke blessings.

[@curveappeal8180]

“If more of us admitted our own toxic traits...I think there’d be less conflict in world” I think this is so accurate. I see a lot of conflict stemming from fragile egos more than anything else...no one can admit they were wrong, or even concede to any level of perceived “defeat”

[@_roqui_]

Totally agree babe. It's not even necessarily admitting it to the other person but to yourself. When you know and have fully accepted your propensity for certain behaviors you are better able to self asses if someone says " hey you did such and such etc.

[@JosieGoyangi]

Yes, I absolutely agree! Well said!

[@EsaBoriDee]

This needs to go on a shirt with bold letters

[@vffashionista7429]

Deep and on point

[@Chrissiesfaces]

I do agree with you! Well said!!

[@spacedustcowboy7555]

If you ever feel uncomfortable being yourself around someone you call a friend or if you feel hesitant to share your joy, that’s someone you don’t need in your life

[@jillyfish72]

I like that, thanks

[@kesh9252]

Interesting. Very interesting

[@lydias8303]

Exactly! Two faces popped in my head when I read that. I'm lucky enough to not be friends with either of them any more.

[@bubeudeh]

^

[@julieg46]

"Accountability and self-awareness will get you further in life than you really think."

[@royalt538]

Ditto 💯💯💯👑👑👑

[@thulee_nkosi]

A word!

[@halimosharif1942]

You

[@OneLove_Noire]

"You can't unfriend family." Sis, I unfamilied family! Lol I

[@Aecretra]

YAS!!! You sure do get to pick your family! When people tell you you can't and shouldn't cut them out, they are just perpetuating (intentional or not) abuse of toxic people! You're telling me I can't find people who actually care about me to consider family? No, I can't all of a sudden not be literally related to family members, but I sure can kick them tf out of my life. Afraid of the other family relationships you'll lose due to dumping that one person? Hey, they aren't "family" either if they side with an abuser. I can't make them do the right thing. All I can do is grieve the relationship I wanted with that person and move on.

[@nnekaigwe]

Looool!

[@kaileerada1845]

Cause same

[@mileyroe4877]

Lol

[@JenniferIsOn]

It be your own family

[@rudelipz]

Never refriend someone that tried to destroy your character. I 100% agree with that if the person talks behind you back.

[@yummykitchendirect4528]

You are saying the truth.

[@lolanicole211]

I think a big sign of a possible frenemie is if they talk about their “friends” in a bad way to you. There’s no way a person like that can be a good friend and if they talk about ppl to you just know they’ll most likely talk about you to others.

[@Juliecupcakex]

The worst part about “friends” like that is when they have a problem with you. Instead of talking to YOU about the issue they always wanna gossip to another one of their friends. Non confrontational people never fail to not be fake and two faced.

[@lolanicole211]

@@Juliecupcakex right I don’t think there’s anything wrong with asking for advice about your friend to another friend(even that’s pushing it) but the GOSSIPING part is what is wrong. You’re taking whatever a person confided in you with and taking it to go Kiki and laugh with someone else. It’s crazy.

[@TheDarkDresser]

iamqueenlos The saying is that a person who talks to you will also talk about you. Someone I know forwards emails she receives from her friends to me. She's highly critical of some of their comments, and wants to know if I agree with her assessment. They're not aware that she's forwarding their emails to me. It makes me wonder if she's doing the same with my emails, something that would really upset me.

[@thecleashow9831]

girl you speaking fact !!! I was literally calling this girl my best friend and then started to see her true color because she was always talking shit about some of her others friends to me also being friend with people I didnt like at all so I was like hmm how do you want me to trust you turn out that girl was talking mad shit about me too behind my back

[@JessAnonymous]

Yup

[@manuelameneses2254]

3 minutes and someone already disliked the video? You are definitely a frenemi

[@jackieaina]

let’s be real - some followers think youtubers are their frenemies. some of them will watch every video, dislike within seconds, gossip about you like they live next door to you, leave negative comments (but somehow still keep watching LOL), swear they know all your business and yet these are people none of us would recognize on the street if they were right in front of us 💀 thank God most of yall are normal tho 😩

[@tenwaystowearit]

Haters will literally subscribe and turn on their notifications just to thumbs down every video. People are weird like that.

[@mitsukislife]

@@tenwaystowearit To hate is to give free promotion 💀😂

[@bunnyboo6295]

@@tenwaystowearit Yeah I don't understand it if your not interested in something why waste time following there's so many things to chose from why would someone spent time on something they don't like. Humm i'm not a fan of sports so why not buy session tickets and following every youtuber that wants to cover sports lol.

[@CoverGirlNay]

I have experienced a few frenemies in my 34 years of life, and I am definitely one of those people that once I peep the “frenemy” vibe (shady comments, downplaying my success, etc), I tend to ghost them. I can be cordial from a distance, but I refuse to keep someone around that I know does not wish me well in life.

[@nnekaigwe]

👏👏👏👏👏❤❤❤

[@powersxoxo6437]

After seeing this video I feel bad for ghosting

[@chikFromMTL]

Indeed, it's all about protecting your energy

[@SkittlesTheTurtle]

Got rid of some frenemies in 2020 and i didny realise how much they were holding me back mentally and its so refreshing to surround myself w genuine people now

[@tabiunderwood9895]

Me too!! High five! ❤

[@SkittlesTheTurtle]

@@tabiunderwood9895 happy for you! A++ for personal growth! 😁

[@peyton4425]

Me too!!

[@fedhaamour]

me too !!!

[@sashac175]

I feel like it always goes back to being insecure. When people aren’t doing great and aren’t happy with themselves or where they’re at, they will be bad to you as a friend

[@audreyc1091]

facts, Im guilty of this myself, definitely back on track tho

[@ima.m.1658]

100%! If you are like that or someone is like that to you, it's likely bc there are significant issues to work through. You can't exactly be close friends with someone long-term if you or they have some deep insecurities. Not a healthy/happy friendship anyway.

[@ahub87]

This is probably why I don’t have many friends because I can’t do passive aggressive behavior. I like gassing my friends up, supporting them, talking them out of bad ideas, being there for them, even if it’s just to listen or watch wack movies and comment on them...however I am extremely selective about who I call friends. However my issue is I’m honest to a fault, logical and compartmentalize things. I won’t go out of my way to say what I think about a situation but if you ask me for my opinion, I’m going to be give you my opinion...the issue is, I can’t tell when someone wants my opinion or if they just asked for my opinion but actually wanted me to approve of their thoughts. Gotta get better at reading the room.

[@techniken02]

You don't have to change yourself. That's pretty much an amazing behavior and I feel like you're an amazing friend as well.

[@mod8076]

Are you a Leo? 🤔

[@laddenigerra2]

YOURE A VIRGO !!!!!

[@laddenigerra2]

OR AN EARTH SIGN OF THAT MATTER. DEFINITELY VIRGO THO !!!!

[@emosk8r10]

You gotta be an earth sign (cap???) because this is me. But I agree with one of the comments above, don’t change yourself. Not everyone will appreciate how straightforward and honest you are about everything and that’s okay, those aren’t the people you need as friends.

[@andy_dlaminii]

One thing my mom told me is never keep jealous friends, anyone who shows you their jealous and can’t be happy for you. Cut them off.

[@muyo77]

I found out my friend was a frenemy when I started making good decisions that lead to positive changes in my life. Every time I did something that was good for me, she would get angry and talk down to me. I started feeling like she only had me around as someone that she could be "better than." I ended the friendship and she tried to DEMAND that I come back and be her friend. She even threatened violence! Needless to say, she gone and she stay gone. My life has had good and positive energy ever since.

[@azurescenss]

This is what it's like when you try to get sober around people who drink and do drugs

[@valerierenee7161]

@@azurescenss wow that’s a good comparison

[@PHlophe]

Joy, i am sure you were thinking in your heart " Girl stick around, cos imma give you one mo' chance to redeem yourself, cos if you don't . this gon' hurt your soul down the line "

[@Power_Verse_]

I relate to someone keeping me around as someone who they "can be better than" im not competitive. -_-

[@bunnyboo6295]

@@azurescenss Could it be they are scared then cause if someone better them self they may not be around anymore

[@maggidiy]

The only thing about keeping frenemies around rather than cutting them off is that they get dangerous with their “ breaking you down” tactics, because essentially in their head they see you as competition that they need to remove/destroy. They can get proper heinous with it. So better to protect yourself at all costs.

[@zerafmaxx1010]

That is a sad but scary truth. Meaning there is more of a negative attachment to you than healthy connection and relationship.

[@nnekaigwe]

👏👏👏👏❤❤❤

[@nnekaigwe]

They can even kill you.

[@chikFromMTL]

Yes

[@elsiemae5182]

I had multiple frenemies but I didn’t stop being friends with them cause I was afraid of losing my entire friend group and then they all just fizzled out of my life after the panorama lol.

[@KL-Lady]

You’re lucky they left you tf alone. I’ve had ones that have threatened to fight me just because I decided to keep my distance

[@raagan2803]

good. the trash took itself out

[@halosandhorns8]

Current life story

[@iliketodancedance12345]

That part!

[@minteymouse8045]

@@KL-Lady I can’t believe this is common! I had one fake a car accident just to get me to talk to her again.

[@alphacharm]

I don’t call people friends easily. I think that’s the issue with people. They are quick to call everyone that’s nice to them a friend.

[@a_2502]

Yes! This has been me since very young. I think that's why I can't say I have a "best friend"

[@alphacharm]

@@a_2502 same here!

[@JessAnonymous]

Yup

[@Infintekweyol]

I don't think there's a time span but what I have learnt is that it's good to see people in all seasons (emotions /feelings) and go from there. It let's you gage whether you can put up with their bs or not!

[@vina4791]

This is my problem ☹️

[@4everdoug]

They like to hate low key but at least they still support and buy your pallet and candles.

[@jackieaina]

period honey!

[@4everdoug]

@@jackieaina yasssss 💙💯

[@JessRodr]

@@jackieaina I just was able to pick up your palette on Beautylish! I am SO excited for it to get here!!

[@bunnyboo6295]

do some people love to hate.

[@jacquelinelugo5518]

Honestly when I was younger I was the passive aggressive frenemy. And it made so many people not want to be my friend. I am glad I went through that. Cause I had a lot of growing up to do. Now I recognize when I am begin toxic. And try my best to fix that. I didn't mean to be a frenemy but now I know how cruel I was.

[@sheppardsanders2684]

Taking accountability and consistently working on being better is the best you can do. that's a great thing! Keep it up

[@winnerwinnerchickendinnertehe]

I had to cut basically all my friends off. They aren’t necessarily bad people, they just don’t know how to be friends 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@Val17282]

"They don't know how to be friends" Ok but why is that so true

[@winnerwinnerchickendinnertehe]

@@Val17282 it’s actually so sad 😭😭

[@ladee169]

That’s it “they don’t know how to be friends”

[@Scarlet-Enchantress]

No but literally

[@ifrahjama2215]

Sameeee

[@sandriea30]

A frenemie is an oxymoron. It suggests that your friend isn't really a friend, but a quiet enemy,get rid of that trash like yesterday. Why would you want a person around that is toxic to you and for you and has the potential to sabotage anything you do.

[@jackieaina]

I explained this in detail the video. I think the part about accepting people for who they are is being mistaken for wanting to be around them, the two are not the same...at all

[@jackieaina]

I also said that specifically and only for people who have zero choice but to still be around them

[@OPsessed]

This isn’t always possible in friend circles you can’t just throw out the trash while people are still eating it.. it can put you in a bad place with the rest. if you’re aware of their frenemie traits but still love your other friends and have enough self worth to deal with it then there’s nothing wrong with tolerating them from a distance. just don’t invest your precious time and trust specifically into that one person anymore.. they’re there or around by default not by choice.

[@jlc1833]

Thats the whole point of the word.... to be an oxymoron. Its a friend that isn’t actually your friend.

[@chanthao730]

I've had frenemies that ended up being pretty useful. This was the only reason I tolerated their presence. The nice nasty is the worst, though. Always keep an eye on that one. My mother in law was the best at nice nasty. How would you even respond? Any advice?

[@LilKiss1230]

There's SOOO many stories I can tell about frenemies that were in my life, especially during college. The common factor was they liked me when I was the goofy, unassuming friend until they realized the same guy they liked ALSO liked me 🤷🏾‍♀️ Now all of a sudden it's a competition I never signed up for, all over some dusty dude wearing house slippers to the dining hall

[@jackieaina]

not house slippers!!! 😂

[@LilKiss1230]

@@jackieaina or the Nike shower slides with tube socks, take your pick 😂🤣🤣

[@azurescenss]

"all over some dusty dude" ...isn't that the truth

[@SynterraSteen]

@@azurescenss I’ve lost so many friends because of some dusty dude that I had no interest in.

[@ev6564]

​@@SynterraSteen Aww that's so crappy. Was it painful or did you feel relief? Either way, it's good that they're no longer in your life.

[@Manipooh101]

Another thing! Be your own best friend! Therefore even when you don't have someone to turn to you got yourself, take yourself out, boost yourself up, be unconditional loving to yourself! That way you can have a better inkling of a person who is not for you.

[@winter45bluesss789]

this !!!! love yourself and it’ll raise your awareness on who you want in your life.

[@justjoannak]

Couldn't agree more

[@kaypat23]

yes this omg

[@vliciouss]

.

[@mpiletsom]

Amen to this

[@teejay8621]

I’m 32 and still effected by trying to filter out frenemies, especially in the workplace, not everyone cheering you on at work has the best intentions

[@EsaBoriDee]

Amen and these days that goes for anyone

[@valerierenee7161]

Heck no, the workplace is where you have the most haters. Trust me I know and it’s crazy because I love to mind my business

[@MarjyGTV]

THIS COMMENT RIGHT HERE WHEW CHILE 😓

[@tenwaystowearit]

I don’t socialize with my coworkers in any form or fashion anymore. To me work is work. And it’s not because I don’t like them or think they’re great. I’ve just learned that people will throw you under the bus to save themselves or to promote. So I say my hellos and good-byes and I stay to myself in between that. I eat my lunch alone and I don’t socialize. None of them know anything about me outside of work. Thankfully none of them have discovered my channel yet and I hope they never do.

[@kimmthethwa750]

I am still baffled at how you make friends at work. I literally don't want to be friends with colleagues, it's scary for me. Like I'd tell them about my love life, family here and there but I'd never call them friends.

[@chl0ryphyll365]

I attracted a lot of frenemies in high school. I was pretty poor at a generally upper class school. Reflecting on it made me realize it was my happiness that attracted people.

[@alextroy9202]

Me too

[@kayade5305]

🙏🏾Dear Lord, give my frenemies long life, so they can continue to witness thine glory in my life. Amen.

[@jackieaina]

Amen!!

[@Destinyknj7]

Amen!!

[@millenialfragrancenerd94]

AMEN, sis!

[@fatmaslh6306]

Amen 🤭

[@imdifferent7294]

Hallelujah!!!!!!

[@caitlinmontgomery917]

The 'picking' idea is interesting because in my experience, the people (mostly women, let's be real) who turn out to be a frenemy to me are always in my business and actively pursuing me like crazy. Frenemies literally pursue you. They aren't a passive thing you 'pick' out lol. Avoiding these people, especially if you have to interface with them for work/school, is *hard.*

[@MsPulsey]

Oh my god! This is soo true. Every frenemy has gone out of their way to hangout and initiate meet-ups. Whereas people I PICK... cool as all hell. Thank you! I knew I wasn’t crazy, they literally pick you because they think you’re cool and then hate you for it! It’s mental illness

[@KofiMaame]

My biggest frenemy literally asked me to be her best friend then spent years snickering behind my back for who I am and what I do. She started tertiary education before I did and pointedly avoided me. I got into a better tertiary school then next year and she wanted to come back into my life. I didn’t ghost her but I had zero feelings towards her and I didn’t go out of my way to ignite it. She got the hint and let it go.

[@caitlinmontgomery917]

@@MsPulsey This! My last frenemy (who I knew was odd and tried to avoid) literally chased me in a shopping mall once because she saw me. Like, she *ran* lol. These people can be so hard to cut off because they act so sweet in front of other people then you look like the bad guy for avoiding them. It is mental illness for sure lol

[@caitlinmontgomery917]

@@KofiMaame This! It's like they see something you've got that they want and cling to you like a little leech trying to benefit from you while also being horrible??? lol

[@aridominique4447]

And they constantly friend request you to watch you 😂😂.

[@Rhasher]

One thing that I learned about friendships is that no one is obligated to be friends with you or to show intimacy and trust just because you did. Sometimes I would trust people to fast and give them too much of myself just to get abandoned, being cautious and selective was one of the hardest lessons I learned.

[@eduagonzalez]

THISSSSSS!!!!!!!!! Do things for ppl bc you want to, not bc you expect them to return that love. Bc they don’t have to

[@vliciouss]

.

[@goldiestarling]

Being kind is always right. ❤❤

[@Vhfash]

not really. being kind to people that hate you get you nowhere. Not everyone deserves your kindness.

[@goldiestarling]

@@Vhfash Kill em with kindness cause you never know who needs it.

[@angelenergia2163]

@@Vhfash kindness is different than being nice.

[@Nprelaw]

Kind but dont be a doormat. Or you will get walked on. Atleast stand up for yourself 💕

[@lucyall1898]

Some people don't understand kindness. When I realized that, I became a happier person.

[@baileym7105]

Being around passive aggressive people is incredibly draining. Knowing how to handle those people is definitely a life skill.

[@Moritimorii]

Jackie, It’s usually black women who are confident in themselves get the most “frenemies” all throughout school starting in ELEMENTARY I had girls wanting to fight me. Being the only black person in the WHOLE school made people mad because I didn’t want to be like them. Thank you for creating this space.

[@treebarkwotm8]

Amen to that loving your black girl magic getting people pissed. See it all the time xo

[@sandracrump]

Yassss I highly agree this is so true!!!!

[@pickmeisha]

Interesting I am black and I experienced this from black girls growing up and now grown black women, mainly dark ones. Sad but true.

[@callmekhaleesi]

Gosh stop making it about black people all the time. Im out of states out of europe still going thorugh these stuff like millione of girl outside of your world.

[@callmekhaleesi]

At this point some people play the victim card. Its not about color its about having passive aggresive childish bad energy people around you

[@Quicheuhhh]

The WORST thing about is when they use humour when being disparaging because it’s like ‘oh you can’t take a joke🤪🤪🤪’ and your mind is like is ok is this person hatin’ or is it a joke, whew the gaslighting. Like this ain’t the circus ma’am!

[@ameliac2540]

yes the gaslighting!!!

[@jms2388]

This is THE one

[@seharn5860]

I know like there's a line between a joke and disrespect

[@jessicawright4102]

As a comedian, I’ve never joked about something that I didn’t mean. Like just because it’s funny doesn’t mean I don’t feel that way. I said what I said. And these other “jokers” 100% mean what they say in jokes as well

[@LeceeMonet]

I have a “best friend” like this. It’s always been very pitiful

[@Cindy54504]

The locked down help me evaluate a lot of relationship including family. I let go of two people I was friends with, but I was their low key enemy. Just because you are friends with someone a long time, doesn’t make them a real friend.

[@happycurlhappygirl]

Ohhhh I’m ready for this...

[@adikalilaabraham3198]

Girllll I love your videos

[@happycurlhappygirl]

@@adikalilaabraham3198 thank you sis!!!

[@N.Cayenne]

@happycurlhapypgirl I’ve been looking for you everywhere! I used one of your tiktok videos in one of my own video and I wanted to give you credit though I’m a micro KZbinr (it’s the principle of the thing!) you’re great, I’m gonna follow you everywhere now!

[@JudgeSarahHeidelIsARacist]

May I respectfully ask you why are you ready for this?

[@YourLocalPaintshop]

I learned recently that relationships are complicated because everyone has their traumas that they bring into the situation. Not excusing behaviors, but now that I’ve learned that, I try to manage myself and know when to create distance between myself and someone or even when to check myself

[@makemeup_nihel]

That’s right there is consciousness ✨💪🏻

[@GraceRuth]

That is very right,I have delt with healing my deep traumas and now I am on a different level of consciousness.It's a bliss up here,😊I have shed all of my frienemies,family and energy vampires during my healing journey....

[@sleepbaby17]

Such a great perspective!

[@truebeauty13x]

I had a frienemy for YEARS. There were little signs but I never really paid attention to them but I was used to having shit friends. When it came to a head she was staying at my home with her daughter because of a situation with her boyfriend. She took advantage of a weakness in my relationship with my children’s father (I hold him accountable as well before y’all say anything) and slept with him. It has been one of the most painful things in my life I’ve had to experience but it has also been the biggest thing I’ve learned and grown from. Thank you for this video ❤️ I learned a couple things for sure and I’m glad you shed light on this for others to learn from as well.

[@Punkrock.Chrysalis]

Every SINGLE PERSON is the villain in SOMEONE'S story.

[@saymslee]

I was friends with a girl who did a lot of shady things to me that I let pass over the years (talk to people I was interested in after expressing interest, discouraging me from taking courses just to turn around and do the course, etc.) and I had my final straw late last year where I had to let it go. She did something I found to be shady, confronted her about it and didn't receive a response until two days later. So I hit her with a no response. Imagine your friend expresses how they feel about something just for you to go ahead, live your life THEN get back to them when you feel like it? Yeah, I'm good. I have a great core group of friends who genuinely love me and I am so grateful for them.

[@KofiMaame]

@@Mel-ky9zs 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@teshearolle]

This is it^ ✊🏾

[@cloudydays6277]

@@Mel-ky9zs i would block that person thats another level of toxicity imagine ur daughter was 5. That comment could mess her up. Vile people

[@daviaspain2509]

I had a friend and everytime I would try to tell her how I felt she would tell me to shut up and that I "dont have real problems". She always had a way to turn things around on me. Last year I found out that she had been telling people not to work with me, then was being all nice to my face. I started taking space without explaining why cause I knew she try to gaslight me about it.

[@sbond7510]

I always thought something was wrong with me because I didn't have those Day 1's. I was lowkey jealous of other women who had friends since kindergarten. But the friendships I've made a long the way have been better quality friendships. It's ok to move on from them.

[@juniemz1]

Lately I’ve also been feeling bad about myself for not having a lot of day ones. 😩

[@prayerpower1585]

A lot of those friendships aren't as ideal as they seem. My Mom has a frenemy since kindergarten, my Mom is an elder now, that's decades of frenemyship. She had a true friend who died.

[@kristenlocus292]

I agree that you can't avoid frenemies. But I will say recently I've noticed that I have a hard time setting boundaries in my friendships and not correcting or calling out hurtful actions all in the name of keeping the peace. I know I don't bare all the responsibility bc people should just be better friends/people fr but I do recognize where I play a role in enabling certain behaviors. Glad your talking about this💜

[@aaliyahmarnold2033]

“You shouldn’t force yourself to do something you’re not comfortable doing, you have the right to honor your gut feeling” THATS PERIOD!👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@rosemichel7542]

I think frenemy is different than not supportive friend. Also, a bad friend isn’t necessarily a frenemy. To me a frenemy is a friend secretly praying for (or even contributing to) your downfall. Someone who talks bad about you behind your back etc. Someone can be a bad friend by not being reliable, not being there for you like you hoped etc. but that’s not being a frenemy the person can still love and want the best for you but at that moment they may be going through their own thing that makes them a bad friend.

[@zerafmaxx1010]

This comment is very true and it is good to decipher the difference between the two. It really is about intentions!

[@bubeudeh]

hmmm ....

[@sanders0809]

Or the friend that always like to embarrass you in front of people to make themselves look better 🙄 When👏 I 👏tell 👏you👏 I👏 am👏 so👏 tired👏of👏 that.

[@8lack8erry1]

This one!!!!

[@ColaBling]

Really 😶 End them NOW! 😂😂😂

[@sanders0809]

@@ColaBling lol I have🤣🤣

[@priscilladavis6721]

💯

[@bjoshawty]

I got family that does this too. 🙄

[@avaphynx]

I've had to end so many friendships over jealousy. I've overlooked so much red flags due to trauma bonding. Which is the worse thing a person can do.

[@itsyagurlzaya9539]

In my whole 19 years of life. I can say I probably only had 1 true friend. Every time I get a friend or get into a friend group. It just never works out. It's either I get excluded and tossed to the curb or I get shown that they aren't my true friends. I'm the type of person that now if someone makes me feel some type of way a couple times..I leave.

[@ladee169]

Same here

[@alextroy9202]

Yess!!! Me rn

[@Scarlet-Enchantress]

My life.

[@nu4968]

This season will pass. You will meet people in college. Some of them will become your friends for life. You may or may not experience BFF breakups. Just remember that it’s not the end of the world and you will meet more people. Don’t forget to travel.

[@tiffanyschuna3484]

I've had a few of these along the way. I've found I need confident women in my circle. I've had close friends throw out insults wrapped as a joke to make themselves feel better. Once I figured out what they were doing, each insult gave me a boost of confidence. They're no longer around. I have loving, supportive women in my circle. Not one would ever consider putting down another women/person. Raise your vibe to attract your tribe. Also know it's OK to have a small circle instead of a huge group of acquaintances. Don't settle until you find your people.

[@brittanyt.2667]

In the past I was constantly kidding myself and giving undeserving people the benefit of the doubt. As a result I'm very conscious of who I give my time to these days, but im also living much more at ease.

[@BingBongWitch]

This! But what sucks is I still have anxiety about how other view me. Like I think bc I'm selective with my time and trust now people just see me as "the bitter black woman" and it's not fair I wish I didn't feel like I had to cater to people so they don't see me negatively bc I don't give them my time.

[@brittanyt.2667]

@@BingBongWitch at the end of the day you're only looking out for yourself, if people view you negatively for that then🤷🏾‍♀️ can't please everyone

[@thirdeyeopen2606]

My friendships are based on being around people I like it’s not a need. I noticed people who feel like they have to have friends are the ones who get abused women can smell the desperation on other women desperate for friends. Also I put people on time out. Let people miss, allow yourself to miss them. You don’t have to be up under your girlfriend every time you go out, take a trip by yourself and tell your friends about it. Sometimes people need to know you don’t need but you like having them around.

[@naialeehendricks]

I’ll admit that sometimes I can be a frenemy without even noticing. This is very helpful to recognize my toxic traits and do better

[@sonya-mariesamuel4708]

“IF YOU JAVE SOMETHING THAT PPL WANT YOU WILL ATTRACT THOSE PPL” Felt that Jackie!!!

[@Briana12906]

I've always been a really nice, sweet person outwardly. Being that way has burned me so many times at this point that I've completely changed. Idk if you'd call it sad or what, but it sucks being hurt and taken advantage of so many times. The best way to put it is that people have mistaken my kindness for weakness, and used that perceived weakness to treat me like a doormat. Inside I'm still a kind person. But I stopped being "too friendly." I'm guarded, somewhat cold, but I like it that way because the outcome is better even though it wasn't natural for me to change that. Too many times there have been men thinking my friendliness was an invitation. Too much negativity and bad experiences have come out of being nice. Crazy.

[@risxu]

18:47 That’s a point I’ve had to come to terms with lately. I don’t know where I heard this but I remember watching a video and the person saying: "There are “friendships” for everything". There are people who you’re meant to only have a good laugh and drink with and others who you can establish a deep connection with. Don’t go around trying to force people into having a real, deep relationship. Some are meant to stay superficial!

[@jeanettejbeauty6374]

Ohhh girl 🥰 so happy you uploaded 💕

[@petitapetit8162]

I’ve cut people off cold turkey before, because I didn’t feel that the “friendship was a two way street. I also cut someone off after trying to share how I felt about my feeling based on how they treated me. I ended up getting gaslighted. I’ve also kept my distance with someone who kept doin the things I shared with them in the past. I learned that they can’t be the type of friend I need from them. So I just lowered my expectation of them.

[@brittanyb5942]

Same!

[@a.b.2405]

I remember in college, I had friends who wouldn’t invite me to go anywhere with them... it’s like y’all can make plans, but don’t include me... they still do it lol.

[@staciewo9328]

They are not your friends if they still do it love 💖

[@Twilightgirl674]

drop them, you deserve better

[@a.b.2405]

@@Twilightgirl674 Thank you! I do deserve better!

[@a.b.2405]

@@staciewo9328 yah, I stopped talking to them.

[@staciewo9328]

@@a.b.2405 Good☺️

[@moomoopo]

The whole thing with the “your picker is off” is true to an extent, like you said. I do feel like I you can only do so much. Do your best to check in with yourself and observe what’s going on. Personally, I realized I keep friends way longer than I should because I fear being alone. As I get older that has faded a bit.

[@damitahyde1]

I definitely had a frienemy for over 20 years. I cut her off in 2018 for 2 yrs, started to hang again last yr, realized y I cut her off to begin with, and kindly left her in November 2020. She was alllllll the toxic traits you mentioned and then some. Love ❤️ this insight as I do all of your videos that I can catch! ❤️❤️❤️

[@sarynfrancis7324]

Relational intelligence is a GREAT book to read when talking about discernment and friendships!

[@cierrawilliams4508]

When I confronted a friend like that they took it as attack, left my message open, and went on social media saying a fallout is a blessing in disguise

[@conflictpersona8]

Its the passive aggressiveness for me🤦🏿‍♀️ i just cant

[@jlc1833]

Ugh so toxic 🙄 glad you tried to deal with it at least. /genuine.

[@kmichel2797]

I'm Screaminggg! The social media sub posts are always so funny to me tbh like sweetieee nobody cares just deal with things with the person and move on

[@Meganyeni]

I say this from experience: When you are great, frenemies simply come with the territory. As you mature, you have to learn when to compartmentalize people and when to completely cut someone out of your life.

[@JoliefleurXO]

such a great topic. a lot of people i once knew really showed their true colors during 2020 & it’s a shame how my situation ended up the way it did. but now, i’m super happy and my life is becoming more peaceful. so glad i chose to love them from a distance.

[@cnoel7189]

This pandemic and current events have definitely shown people's true colors.

[@TimeBucks]

Thank you for talking about this

[@sagarkapare3110]

Nice

[@qawlpodcast4773]

In my personal experience, people who are jealous of you purposely seek YOU out and not the other way around. A lot of times they aren't only grappling with their own feelings of inferiority but the guilt and shame they feel for being jealous. My love languages are gifts and acts of service and these people constantly love bombed me by giving me thoughtful gifts, constantly complimenting me and always trying to make my life easier. Even when I was noticing these red flags I would always remember the good they did for me and would try and overlook those red flags out of gratitude. It was only when shit hit the fan that I was able to cut them out of my life without feeling guilty. Also, it takes a while for the average person to come to a definitive conclusion that a person is actually "jealous" of you just because most people are grounded enough to not assume that as reason #1 for why this person who is telling you they love you is behaving so cruelly.

[@victorshopov4913]

A sign that I realized is big frenemy alert was when they can never be genuinely happy for you when you do well, and keep being snarky and passive aggressive, instead of showing support. It's fine to be a little snarky with your friends from time to time, but when it comes to achievements and important moments in your life, it is really telling when someone is being either silent or dismissive/snarky. And when I confronted them about it, they denied everything and gaslit me into thinking I'm imagining it. So thread very lightly when approaching people like this.

[@theshineprjct]

I used to let people back in BUT......I don’t do that anymore.I let it go because the red flags are brighter the next time.They were part of my life for a time. And that time has passed....

[@beatricehart5614]

My last two friends were frenemies. One of them would literally sulk and say "what about me?" when I told her something good had happened to me, and the other would say random mean stuff like "I don't like such bags" when she saw me with one! I'd rather have zero friends than deal with such bullshit.

[@Earth2Sita]

Always on time! Relationships are very karmic and all have a purpose. Frenemies teach us about boundaries, self awareness, and when and how to let things and people go. Love all of your responses.

[@notyouraveragejoe7003]

This comment right here!!! 👌🏾

[@haleybeersingh1189]

“Givers attract takers”. Simple

[@jennwatson6357]

Really appreciate you taking the time to talk about this.

[@jackieaina]

Thank you for watching 🤎🤎

[@najmaabdi]

I went thru that with a very close friend of mine. I called her my sis and I didn't know what people were saying until I wasn't friends with her. She ended the friendship with no word, or reason. So Yeah friends come and go, and its ok to feel the pain from that relationship but don't let that be the end of your kindness. I will always be nice and kind to people cuz my mom taught me that and I will teach the same thing to my future kids! Love You, Jackie. Thank you for always being Big sis to me!

[@marian7787]

"Every friendship has a season" love you♥️

[@shannontrabucco4296]

To avoid leaving a novel-length comment, I’ll just summarize: I appreciate this video and your insight so much. Thank you for this.

[@takishasallbeautyzone]

Having some close friends for decades, I can say that sometimes the nature of the friendships can change. But it is possible to have life long friendships. When you said never regret being a good friend to the wrong person, I think that is SUCH a true statement!

[@ellysheppard3072]

“Who have called me every name, but the child of god” I passed away

[@shanel1714]

This feels like a gift. Im always so honored when you upload. I know it takes a lot to make these videos. I've been watching you since 16!, I'm 21 now. Sending you so much love. You're amazing

[@jackieaina]

Thank you so much your continued support means the world to me 🥺🤎 I try to genuinely put a lot into my content so I appreciate this!!

[@alana1959]

I’m really glad that you’ve pointed out that it’s possible to continue to be cordial/friendly with frenemies but keep them at arms length! that’s a take most people like to ignore 🤧🤧

[@HeatTech450]

Friendships can be renewed, but the circumstances are unique to each relationship. Only you know if you had a hand in the disillusionment, and if both you and the other person are willing to humbly try again after a healing period. Also, the love is still there but the trust will take time to rebuild, and that ok.

[@SweettCurls]

I found myself isolated dealing with frenemies. It’s hard to trust people anymore.

[@Destinyknj7]

Same here! 😆

[@jamiliahrivera5986]

Agree been friendless since I became a mother almost 5 yrs

[@kingstonxenachante2874]

Trust yourself and never deny your gut! NEVER! Stay open and God will bring good people into your life. The enemy wants you alone; f**k that! Take God's hand and learn the game. There's lots of beautiful people in the world. Don't miss out because of fear❤

[@AngelicDiva1988]

Sameeeee 🙄

[@ITSJasmineNichole]

This one right here!!

[@a_headless_chicken]

My mother still has friends from high school, they are very very close still now. I think she is extremely lucky, because I can never stay friends with people for long.

[@dianaa3336]

Same with my mom, her and her best friend have been friends for 40 years. Since they were around 12

[@Meekismwisdom]

You will never notice a frenemy until you follow them in social media . They’ll celebrate everyone else but somehow don’t see your post . They also make indirect post to something directing regarding you or your life . I just unfollowed one that has been bullying me indirectly for years through sub post . The weird thing is that I was afraid to lose a friend that wasn’t a friend .

[@janayetorres9340]

You learn a lot as you grow older. My best friend in high school ended up being extremely toxic and I didn’t notice until I found my friend group in college. They taught how a healthy friendship should be and encouraged me to end my past friendship

[@thequeenmidas]

Jealous friends are bad, cut them off. The worst frenemies are friends who also happen to be your family, like cousins, etc... Lawwwwd, you can't even get rid of those🙈

[@tasharenee8207]

Girl tell me about it

[@aridominique4447]

I cut my cousins off lol

[@callmekhaleesi]

I cut all of them off and for eternity 🙋‍♀️

[@anxiouscephalopod]

Lol my mother 🙂🥲😭

[@maricelg777]

Yes

[@alib180]

I struggled with being nice to them and had to realize that thats just who I am and I wont change because of their frenemy tendencies/lifestyle cough cough! Loveee the look and the brushes looked so soft!

[@jackieaina]

as you should!!

[@RebekahReid]

“Accountability and self awareness will get you further in life than you think.” 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽yes ma’am

[@miyuyamazato5635]

This is why I hang out alone most of the time lol

[@louise-yo7kz]

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@fedhaamour]

me too

[@memorycelle]

yepp,

[@itsgabbieagain]

Yup

[@giordanomolina582]

This was really therapeutic for me. I lost my best friend of 10 years becuase of what I did and for so long I felt like I was this monster horrible person but it turns out at the end the realtionship wasn’t healthy for both of us. Who knows what happens in life but I feel like I’m in a better head space after watching this. Thank you. Something that helped me was this quote, “Never lose yourself in trying to hold on to someone who doesn't care about losing you.”

[@tamikens]

As my mother always says, "Sometimes you gotta cut people out like cancer." I'm out here trying to live my best life and that does not include keeping around people who drag my emotional and mental well-being down. You should never regret being kind to the wrong person, but you are not obligated to keep them around once they show their true colors. And that includes family. I think that there will come a time in everyone's life where keeping frienemies around is no longer fun or beneficial. I reached that point in my mid-20s, others may reach that in their 50s, but eventually you get tired of keeping people in your life who low key hate you. I do agree on the point of them buying your products though. You can hate me all you want, but your money is just fine.

[@Chipster724]

This was a really good talk. I know the feeling if thinking you pick bad people and "your picker is off". I realize it's less about me picking bad people and more about keeping those people around longer than I should trying to give benefit of the doubt

[@gina9326]

Is this my favorite Jackie Aina video?! It might be. I love listening to your advice and opinions about things....and this subject came up at the perfect time for me.

[@jackieaina]

Thank you 🥰

[@YahwehAllDay316]

Somebody once told me “if you constantly have haters in your circle, that means you’re doing something right”....that one had to sink in for years! I finally understand, yes if you are moving on up, there will be the occasional leech that wants to feed off you and your success. It literally comes with the territory!

[@Iamkarinalee]

I don’t even watch makeup videos like that anymore but the title SPOKE to me 🙂

[@RamsoniMartinez]

I had to pause in the middle of this video just to say, THANK YOU auntie for speaking on this subject. There is nothing wrong for admitting where you are wrong! No one is expecting you to be perfect, accountability is everything. Even if it’s just within yourself, that’s growth.

[@leizylromero]

I don’t have the energy to entertain frenemies anymore lol

[@jackieaina]

me either lol

[@measrala]

very grateful for you calling BS on the 'picking the wrong people' & 'law of attraction' insta trend and calling it what it is - victim blaiming! People need to stop abusing others. Whoever reads this - what someone did to you is on them & only them! May gentleness, community & healing meet you in abundance.

[@_Daijah_Vu_]

I used to have a friend like that. Knew her since I was 10 and she would always be so bitter and passive-aggressive towards me for no reason. I kept her around, hoping she'd mature and change but it just got worse. My senior year & quarantine made me realize that this relationship had to end and it turns out most of our mutual friends agreed. I feel bad for her sometimes but if she's content with her only friend being her boyfriend, may she be happy in all her endeavors🤷🏿‍♀️

[@gabbylovesglitter]

You're preaching frfr girllll I know being in therapy and going through depression has helped me recognize how ppl being toxic towards you can come in subtle ways. It's best to never assume things about ppl and their lives period.

[@Tiff-vi9kx]

I just don’t have the energy to keep people around that I have to keep at a distance. Colleagues, sure. Acquaintance? Nope. I just can’t. Lol

[@AlexanndraJay]

Oooo this was so good. “I don’t have the energy to keep people around me that I have to keep at a distance”.... WOW. This was a golden nugget. Thank you

[@GoogleAccount00]

I’ve always thought thus way, it’s like, what’s the point? Lol

[@Tiff-vi9kx]

Google Account thank you! Your energy is spent better elsewhere.

[@jackieaina]

I’m gave the advice of “knowing where you stand with them and still keeping them around” to people who literally don’t have a choice

[@prayerpower1585]

@@jackieaina I'm saving your video in case I end up in a situation where I don't have a choice. Right now I have no frenemies in my life, I've cut them all off.

[@tho766637]

I'm at work right now, but all I want to do after watching this is cry 😢. I have had some family members and people I thought were my friends do this to me. I think I only survived that abuse/relationships because God kept me. It was like no matter how positive, resilient and kind I was - these individuals made it a priority to hurt me or break me. I was heartbroken everytime someone did this and blame me afterwards. I'm so grateful for God's anointing and for always seeing me through each and every one 🙏🏿. I am also grateful to see this video. It was like someone putting words to what I had been feeling. Thanks Jackie 😊