How to Stop Being a 'good' Boy or Girl

[@theschooloflifetv]

What stops you being your authentic self? Let us know in the comments below and if you enjoy our films and want a say on what ones we make you can now become a channel member here: kzbin.info/door/7IcJI8PUf5Z3zKxnZvTBogjoin

[@dereksilvers9177]

The Catastrophe you fear will happen has in fact already happened

[@Dee-sr4lt]

Umm...I guess my lack of confidence.

[@sakanablesakanable]

If I seem to disagree with the opinion expressed in the video, would I be considered foolish according to the general consensus?

[@YouSoundButtHurt]

@@sakanablesakanable What do you disagree with?

[@lauravo3355]

Delicate insecure people around me, that I love

[@seanguy42]

Learn to care for others, but unlearn to care about what others think.

[@cupcakemcsparklebutt9051]

Still struggling to believe this mindset

[@seanguy42]

@Brethor yes, I didn't intend for it to be a blanket statement. As you begin to care for a person more and more, you will start to care more about what they think, but don't be overly invested in others critiques if they aren't an integral part of your life. :)

[@RNCHFND]

@Brethor It's not about what they think, it's about what they think about you.

[@strikerron2252]

@Brethor you read only the top layer of the statement but you didn't read the deep meaning about it. He never meant to completely ignore others feelings and told to ignore the ones that hurts you. Think deep man stop eating the top layer .

[@mrofnocnon]

Well said,

[@ramzaabeoulve8635]

You won't get what you want by being too kind. - Plankton

[@bugs-bunny-k6g]

what if you wanted to be too kind?🤔

[@bryinthe619]

"If you believe in yourself, with a tiny pinch of magic all your dreams can come true!" -Spongebob

[@counsela9240]

True

[@Dragadizzo]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/mGHPZISNir2JntE

[@beatriznanotilla9333]

Possibly...who knows

[@sicilianotoronto]

It’s funny how others don’t really care anyway, or may even care for about 3 minutes and then move on. Don’t destroy your life for others and what they may think!

[@jennytaylor3324]

Aye..

[@andrewditton7226]

Unfortunately i did. I wiped out on a skiing trip and suffered an injury. I don't have kids, but was working a laboring job for a family member that has children. I felt pressured to continue working while my injuries worsened, cos It felt like saying "no" and having time off to recover would have been met with disapproval from the rest of my family for letting the children down. My worsening injuries eventually ended my laboring career. These were people who claimed to care.

[@jennytaylor3324]

@@andrewditton7226 Great case in point. I know exactly how painful (and for you literally so) that juxtaposition is. And you end up feeling sad for and despising yourself, simultaneously.

[@andrewditton7226]

@@jennytaylor3324 I do try to stear clear of having pitty parties for myself - to varying degrees of failure and success - and I definately suffer an overwhelming feeling of "Why didn't I just say NO" , "Why didn't I stand up for myself". And yes, that does come with certain sense of self-hatred for not doing so. In the end it was my decision and I chose poorly. Only have myself to blame.

[@jennytaylor3324]

@@andrewditton7226 A hard lesson, but at least you learned from it. Some take a lifetime to learn the same lesson.

[@kjamison5951]

My mom knows me but knows nothing about who I am. She has her own ideas about what I do and what she wants me to do so when that goes against her ideas, I’m in the wrong.

[@oochipchoogi]

Same here. This shows how biased and mentally abusive a person can be. Even if a part of your 'family'. Standing for your own morals are considered 'toxic' to them, even if it's something that's really helpful for you. Whereas you can be praised, just by lying to your own personal rights and your self as a whole. Further breaking one's sanity until it can't be contained.

[@joyfulfishman5445]

@Harsh Sinyal Not always that simple unfortunately

[@counsela9240]

Same here i cut her off

[@RNCHFND]

Took me until I was over 30 years old to understand that being 'different' from my family (in habits, opinions and behavior) didn't mean that I was wrong or being a bad person. I had to do a lot of mental work to reassure myself of that, otherwise I would always feel guilty about being just different

[@Eliphosys]

RanchoFundo yes you are right on! it is so necessary to do the work to validate yourself. i had to/have to. it is an ongoing journey for sure.

[@gretchengeorge5302]

The timing of this video is *chef’s kiss*

[@marianatorres1876]

for me too! wow!

[@theglitchyspeck]

True!!!

[@dbd4596]

Same here

[@ankitha3609]

Please share stories 😍

[@psyfyi7360]

Great way of putting down👌

[@jeremywu1238]

This video hits you harder when you're Asian and academic achievement was valued above all else

[@sauravaryal5060]

So true.

[@Savagekiddd]

Relatable

[@QUARTERMASTEREMI6]

Sad but quite true.

[@FBWUniverseMode]

I wouldn't say Asian, every single human on earth, I'm from North Africa and we're the same :c

[@krishnanair131]

Man, is it worse for Indians or Eastern Asians? I mean we have got pressure to marry someone from our own caste and have a shit ton of kids

[@dread9030]

Yeah, this ones about 20 years too late for me.

[@cupcakemcsparklebutt9051]

@José Miguel Neves change how? The damage is done

[@nias3202]

@José Miguel Neves I agree, but don't take the search too seriously. Man can do what he wills but he cannot will what he wills - Schopenhauer:(

[@francesca112]

The wasted time is very long for me too but one minute of inner freedom is more life than months of slavery. Do you know what I mean

[@rebeccafrost5542]

Life's corrections are made each day. Damage control is done this day.

[@rhonda8566]

40

[@VerenaSatriani]

If we keep on focusing on what others think and say about us, we miss the opportunity to grow to the better we. Live the life as you want it to be.

[@akshittyagi6482]

@Gracchus One must learn to identify times when others' approval is necessary and when it isn't. I believe they were talking about the latter. It's in those times when the problems addressed in the video arise in the first place, when we limit ourselves for no other reason except fear of others' judgements etc. No one is against the fact that sometimes others' approval and feedback is necessary.

[@cupcakemcsparklebutt9051]

I see u spamming on Andrew Kirby's posts too, u have aloooot of freetime

[@toro0695]

Recently I've come up with a thought that I like a lot. That many people will label you something but you get to define what that label means.

[@anglonrx2754]

@Gracchus no, that will make your life miserable. Spineless blob of intangible structurless incomprehensible misery. Aim for something being selfish and self mastabutory is never a good idea.

[@nc-pf3qm]

@@akshittyagi6482 thats a slippery slope..

[@bryinthe619]

"We become geniuses at elaborating excuses that make our unhappiness look necessary, and sane". That's brilliant and so very true.

[@owynnbrown5866]

It’s unhappiness I think

[@ChYtaGaming]

Unhappiness *

[@bryinthe619]

Ahhh yes. Edited. Thanks.

[@jameskulevich8907]

When we worry about pleasing others or what they think of us, then, we are slaves.

[@cupcakemcsparklebutt9051]

That is absurd,

[@rohilthomson]

@Svetlana Nordvik the dude that posted this is probably Slavic too. Look at his name.

[@panta550]

Amen

[@mrofnocnon]

Even to our parents?

[@panta550]

@@mrofnocnon ofcourse, you don't need approval from your parents.

[@PsychedelicActualization]

"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." ~Rumi ❤️🙏🏽

[@DocGoneRogue]

This

[@oliguayasebesteves166]

It depens what kind of love we talk about.

[@TheRoadtoFinalLight]

It is amazing how we beg for Love from outside when we have a reserve inside that we can tap

[@myriadmediamusings]

The older I grow, the more discouraged to see that being a nice guy, dutiful son, and one who wants to be friendly generally with everyone is not something to be praised, but a hindrance. ☹️

[@aishvaryapujar9460]

You are not alone in this! It sucks that even though we did a lot for others at a large personal cost, it is ultimately a hindrance, but I like to not think of regrets, but I focus on the fact that I can now say 'no' and not feel guilty!

[@MrJJBhizzle]

Hear hear, but if they're not a hindrance, how can the rest live with themselves? The reduction of earnest, decent people who actually buy into the narrative and ideals of their society into naive, oafish, silly fools who get in the way of the proper players of Life is a psychological survival tactic for those same users.

[@Lalabaster]

Yep.

[@voxelverse]

Well, do what you want, but don't expect other people to praise you. That is your parents job.

[@MrJJBhizzle]

@@voxelverse XD

[@juliebee7415]

"Freedom really means no longer being beholden to the expectations of others."

[@jameskulevich8907]

“Society is a bunch of lies, agreed upon.”

[@Ushakov_Mykyta]

I still thing that society is a conspiracy

[@VOYAGEUR-YT]

DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE LIES OF SOCIETY!!??

[@maxs7539]

Yuval Noah Harari?

[@HeliosBeats]

"The noble lie"

[@EspHack]

truth is a moving target

[@TheDhammaHub]

Once you stop looking at human interaction as a trade and expect something in return for your "kindness", it actually becomes a bit easier. Wanting things very strongly makes us easy to manipulate

[@blackpearl1t]

Awesome

[@nivethaselvam9318]

Amazing

[@leony8333]

Thank you, screenshot this one for reminder

[@saulnavarrete3483]

Wanting is suffering. Classic Buddhism

[@cupcakemcsparklebutt9051]

Examples such as?

[@TheGambaGeek]

It's so hard to know what are my own expectations and which are the ones I heard so much from my parents that now I think are mine. I feel very conflicted about the things I want for my life.

[@iisaka_station]

Keep searching, and even if you’re not religious, even if you’re an atheist, pray honestly, and ask some force, above who you are now, for guidance, as to what your true expectations are. And ask yourself through prayer, - even if you’ve never done it before in your whole life, - what were my parents expectations, as opposed to mine, and why?

[@FutureMindset]

The ability to say 'no' saves you a lot of trouble in life

[@antoniasotoaguilar2123]

The thing is I have tried to meet eveyone's expectations of me for so long that I don't know what I want anymore.

[@LD67117]

You might be out of touch with your feelings and emotions. There are exercises to get back in touch with them, it's a slow but rewarding process. Your feelings can help you identify what you want and don't want.

[@banyabanya6552]

I feel the same way.

[@auroraworshiper8958]

Same

[@jihan8513]

@@LD67117 and what are those exercises?

[@LD67117]

@@jihan8513 For the start it's probably good to just learn about all the different kinds of emotions that are there and throughout the day pause and try to name what you are feeling right now. Also i can highly recommend mindfulness and it's related techniques, check it out! But i had a psychotherapist teach me that, don't know how good one can teach that to himself. There are many other methods used in therapy, but i don't know too much about them, check out google.

[@umbrellasrppl2]

There's a line at the end of the TV series She-Ra that absolutely destroyed me, and then helped me build myself back up: "You're worth more than what you can give to other people". It's such a simple sentiment, but one I hadn't even conceived of in 3 decades on this planet. Take care of yourselves first, carers; it's not at all selfish to do so.

[@cupcakemcsparklebutt9051]

But careers are important too

[@kerryallen5677]

She-Ra was an unexpected pleasure to watch recently. I gave it a try based on the recommendation of a podcast host. I’m glad others are discovering it as well.

[@YouSoundButtHurt]

@@cupcakemcsparklebutt9051 Why?

[@myriadmediamusings]

Having just finished She-Ra myself, I do agree that there is a lot of interpretation & analysis on a number of the characters that a lot of viewers can relate to in one way or another. Glad to see a comment like this that took a lot of value from the show.

[@reallifepsych3309]

6000+ languages in the world and you chose to speak FACTS. Yes, we need to live for ourselves, find our inner freedom. THANK YOU.

[@haiphan5599]

The timing of this video is perfect. I nearly had a nervous breakdown last night worrying about the future where I would have to do jobs I don't want just because that's what most people do. Now I've been reminded I have a choice

[@oscarrzga4615]

I think when the inability to say no is so rooted in us this video is perfect in timing

[@tycat3745]

"If you are ever tempted to look for outside approval, realized that you have compromised your integrity." -Epictetus

[@TheSonOfPlato]

“Wherever you go, go with all your heart” - Confucius

[@Eliphosys]

Excellent way to redefine “good” and “bad.” So important for an actual sense of freedom. This short was great, thank you!

[@mrofnocnon]

If you don't or never learnt what is good or bad you are in serious trouble

[@steviewondek]

@@mrofnocnon Sadly many people today, their parents or lack of parenting did not teach them and they don't care either.

[@GnomanSociety]

"We might fantasize of freedom in terms of being free from work and financial stability, but one must think of no longer being beholden to the expectations of others." This is a power move for being part of families in third-world countries.

[@leoisforevercool]

You're not expected to feel good when society raises an eyebrow at you going against the grain, But you'll know you did the right thing when you sleep soundly at night and enjoy who you are in solitude.

[@jones2277]

and what if you don't? what if it just makes you feel more terrible?

[@leoisforevercool]

@@jones2277 Then ask yourself if what you're doing is really what you want and how much you value fitting in

[@jones2277]

@@leoisforevercool the problem with the "good child" is you don't really know what you want bc you haven't developed your inner self.

[@pennyc7064]

I know this now but it would have been so helpful if I knew this 20 yrs ago! The internet is like having psychology questions answered at your fingertips!

[@Eliphosys]

never too late :)

[@threethrushes]

When the student is ready, the master appears. This information was available since the dawn of time.

[@cupcakemcsparklebutt9051]

I'm still 18 and I'm scared

[@streetlights111]

Thinking back on when i graduated high school, if I only knew being kind and obedient to my parents at 17 would make the rest of my life feel like prison. I want to drop out every day but I never learned to be that reckless. It feels like I'm slowly dying of asphyxiation.

[@cupcakemcsparklebutt9051]

I'm still 18, I'm scared, any advice?

[@TheDarkSkyRider]

@@cupcakemcsparklebutt9051 Listen to your elders, they have great knowledge and much experience but always check if an advice is actually a command. If you don't understand the rational behind some advice, demand a clarification and if you are not in agreement with this advice try to explain to yourself and to your advisor why.

[@ailbherooney8137]

@JJ It’s not too late, I know it’s really hard to go against your parents wishes but if there’s something you’re passionate about, it’d be a disservice to yourself to not pursue that. Good luck

[@VocaFan4ever]

@@cupcakemcsparklebutt9051 take everything everyone else says with a grain of salt learn to filter out only what is good for you instead of what is good for others

[@JuanmaAmagliani]

I see a problem with this approach, in the fact that valuing our personal freedom over the opinions of others is not in itself a bad thing, but it can tend to degenerate to valuing our personal freedom over others. And that is a problem, for it breaks the communal bonds in which we live. In fact, we have a word for people who value themselves over others, it's not "bad boys", it's "assholes". I think a bad boy, or, let's call it, a positive rulebreaker, is a person who is willing to put themselves at risk for others, who raises their voice for the voiceless and all that, we could probably write that to sound less SJWier. Point is, rules are meant to serve people, not the other way around, but it is us who must decide which people it will serve, me or we, the individual or the group. Sometimes a rule must be broken and changed to ensure the best result. At the end of the day, it's the approach to rule-breaking, by egoism or by altruism, what makes the difference.

[@capybaraconlimon6754]

It’s a matter of equilibrium, as it usually is with most things. I don’t think the video is trying to tell us to go and become selfish jerks, because that would be going to one damaging extreme to the other. But it’s a useful reminder for those of us who were thought to live to please others and learnt to ignore our own needs. I would like a video who addresses the problem of assholes, though. Those people are in too much abundance today.

[@JuanmaAmagliani]

@@capybaraconlimon6754 oh, sure, I don't think the video tries to tell us that either. It's just, the "bad boy" scene is so toxic, the media is full of tutorials that try to teach us to ignore others, focus on yourself, you got it chief, who's the real player, you are, you lone wolf-rockstar-baddie-all work and no play-manly piece of meat! And it's like, really draining. Being a man is about humility, about doing what's right, about helping others because it is the right thing to do, about not paying attention to nonsense and be willing to jeopardize personal gain in the favours of others. Being a man is being selfless, and being confident in that selflessness while also remaining humble enough to better oneself when there's a mistake. Being taught to obey is an obstacle to all that, but there is a difference between obeying and serving others. Service is a choice. I don't know man, just an individualistic social trend that I don't like at all

[@JuanmaAmagliani]

@Brethor personal freedom is an idea, it's not something you can touch or see. It's a concept, just as any right is a concept. I'm not saying they aren't important concepts, even key for our understanding of the world, but they are still concepts. And as such, their survival depends on the community which gives them value. As you pointed out so unkindly to me, without a "western world" (whatever the fuck that is, I mean I'm Argentinian and I don't have trouble understanding this shit, it seems to me that "western" for you only means the imperialistic cultural dominance of a couple of countries) but whatever, as I was saying, without a "western world" to give it sense, personal freedom wouldn't have any meaning. And because of this reason, the permanence of the culture must be valued higher than the idea of freedom. Because freedom valued over society is just a recipe for the dissolution of society, and without society, freedom cannot exist.

[@JuanmaAmagliani]

@Brethor that is the whole point, the idea of individualism contradicts itself with the idea of freedom, for one cannot be free by themselves. Freedom requires a worldview that surpasses individualism. We should wonder then, what is freedom, given that a certain option, individualism, is an obstacle to fulfilling it. The answer is this: freedom is the right to choose what's right (given that choosing wrong robs is of our freedom) and the right to fight for freedom when a personal or social mistake compromises it

[@JuanmaAmagliani]

@Brethor as we say here in Argentina, "same shit, different smell"

[@MissBlueEyeliner]

I’ve been doing intense psychotherapy for a year now and I’m only just starting to unlearn the lessons about obedience that I was taught as a child. It’s one of many issues but I believe that if I had been brought up to trust myself, my needs and my instincts that I would be a healthy functioning adult today.

[@diamondman0079]

I needed this. I really needed this. This is what I've been thinking and to both hear it from someone else and have it put to well is very reassuring. Thank you, once again

[@kjamison5951]

Also, when a parent constantly uses emotional blackmail to coerce you, by saying you have to do something for them, even though you have supplied a good argument against that irrational argument. Then they cry like babies and you feel like sh*t, so you do it. Pretty soon, just to avoid all of the arguing, it becomes easier just to put your life on pause and only be there to fulfil their wishes and your own dreams are buried forever. Even if you give a well-reasoned argument as to why a particular thing is a bad idea, they continually ask “Why?” like a five year old in a strop.

[@thegoodwillchannel]

yep going through it every single day.

[@auroraworshiper8958]

I'm going through this! For godness sake it has been for years! Thank you for your advice I need this. Thank you so so muchhh

[@jovenfrantzborigas4554]

Oh man this is so spot on, being a fresh graduate in my early 20s. Especially with this pandemic going on, everything just feels depressing.

[@illyham6644]

Same i swear.

[@thegoodwillchannel]

I really really really like the fact that my internal thoughts have been vocalized, recorded and put up in a video. I might now be able to tell someone why I left a good, secure job, why how I make my money matters to me, why I don't want to work hard, why am I always rambling about ideas to improve the world and why I will eventually find my calling and go after it even though I am 26 already, so THANKYOU very much SCHOOL OF LIFE, you really make life easy.

[@MindNow]

*It really always depends on which context. You should definitely always hv respect towards others, but when it comes to leading your own life, you need to know when to say no* 🙏 I’d like to add though that u also need to know ur CIRCUMSTANCE 😊

[@oOIIIMIIIOo]

Yes, some take it to behave violent.

[@peacefulpesfel1932]

No matter what, you can never please them.... it’s better just to do what makes you happy ❤️

[@datheamore6395]

I was raised in a society that really pushed the "strong, independent career woman" and the "Rough, tough, Kick*ass warrior woman" stereotype in the 90s when I was growing up, but my earliest memories of play time was playing house and feeding my baby dolls. I was told by friends and family that I could be whatever I wanted, but I knew if I told them I want to be married with children that they would encourage me to focus on a job. In some ways I think I sabotaged myself when it came to career partly because I wasn't ambitious in the ways that were expected of me according to societal standards, and I also tried to force myself to befriend intellectuals who had no respect for me or my leanings toward kindness instead of criticism of those less successfully driven as they were. I even had a friend tell me that when I announced that I was getting married that I was throwing my life away and that I would never achieve my dreams of being an actress (it wasn't really what I wanted or else I would be doing it now, and she was a person who intellectually believed that love is BS... I mean, not everyone is going to have the same view as myself about love, but the way she treated me afterwards was really not respectful). Because of the way that society and friends came across, the first year of my marriage was much rougher than it needed to be for both myself and my husband. We almost divorced. That was because I kept second-guessing what I really wanted for myself out of life and I was trying to act like my old friends who were intellectually condescending, certain that I was beneath them (I had poor choice of friends rather consistently because I kept attracting people with avoidant personality traits due to my neediness for love and acceptance and to fit in) and in hindsight, such friends were way more insecure than I saw at the time. I was also a part of a feminist group in college at one point because I believed that men and woman should be treated equal, and that a person's autonomy and life choices should be treated with respect, but it became apparent when I started dating my husband that I wasn't really accepted as much and I started to see some behaviors that bothered me somewhat and I left. I still value equality and respect, but I don't adhere to the label of feminist because I feel that the meaning of it has changed rather drastically and is a contentious emotional trigger for men and women alike sadly... take it from a woman who wanted to just be a mother and wife... you don't always get treated nicely by other feminists... it is not all feminists obviously, but my experiences have not been encouraging. Hopefully that has changed, but my point is that it took me until my mid 30s to see that it is so easy to torture yourself over the expectations and ideals of other people alongside the driving need to feel like one belongs in the society they grow up in. Sometimes, you just have to be honest with yourself about what makes you happy and find your own little piece of heaven... whatever that is for you. I am happily married and we have a child, and while I don't have a fancy career or accolades and awards, I have love and a peaceful home life full of respect and teamwork, and love, and I regret nothing. I have interests beyond marriage and children, but my family are what I have always wanted in my life since I was a child. They bring me peace and joy. My dream might not be your dream, but your dream is just as worthwhile as my own even if it isn't the same dream. So long as you aren't forcing your dream on others or hurting anyone for the sake of your dream you should be honest with yourself whoever is reading this. Also, it is okay to have ideals, but it is also important to know that whatever label you find yourself relating to the most doesn't define you wholly because that label is just just that-- a label. Adhering only to a label as your identity does not allow for personal evolution and growth for the parts of your essence that don't fit that label. Be flexible and be honest with yourself and don't force yourself into labels before you truly know who you are, and don't assume society and loved ones can define it entirely for you. You deserve to be happy. You deserve joy. Allow yourself to have that. Life is short and it moves so fast. And for those feminists that read this and were offended... sorry, but these were my experiences. So long as you accept that some women like being a wife and mother, I accept you too. Just don't assume I am oppressed because I didn't attempt to be superwoman. If you are happy doing it all, I accept you too. So long as you are living true to yourself, you have my support and respect. That is all that matters in the end.

[@lilamakopo7542]

I've just realized this 'strong, independent career woman' thing is not for me either, and it's so freeing to accept oneself desires even if it's not according to societal standards!!

[@SaraFruhling]

I don't have my own expectations of myself... They've all been imprinted on me and I can track each one to its source.

[@daniellehoreau7721]

Holy crap, I'm 22 and you don't know how much I needed this right now. Thx. 🤔

[@KM-04]

Beautiful!! So true!!! Easier said than done for most!! It's sad, how some people take their own lives for failing to meet the expectations of someone else.

[@3duConstantino]

It's really difficult to achieve it in this Social Media Era when you are forced to please everyone and show your "happiness" on line.

[@threethrushes]

Or, you know, just stop being a slave to Social Media. Your move, bucko.

[@LuvJohnnyx3]

"We become geniuses at elaborating excuses that make our unhappiness look unnecessary and sane." - Sadly very true.

[@FBWUniverseMode]

“.. our unhappiness look necessary”

[@liquidrime]

@@FBWUniverseMode she meant that we often hide our sadness...

[@FBWUniverseMode]

@@liquidrime no she didn't mean that, she just quoted a part of the video.

[@franziskamanes9166]

I have to genuinely ask, where do you find all this wisdom and how do you articulate it so elegant? It's impressive! How many people work on these treasures ? Mucho respect for everyone involved !

[@flomil478]

Yaay, I finally did something already the right way! :D It's a lonely path to walk though.

[@mrofnocnon]

Was it worth it?

[@flomil478]

@@mrofnocnon I'd say yes. Not sure if I said the same if I haven't had a loving partner for as long as I had him now. I'm a pretty happy person all around, don't get me wrong, I just sometimes envy people who comply to social norms cause they seem to always have a lot of friends around them. Who knows how good these friends are however and how long they stay.

[@revenant2943]

"What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets!" - Dracula

[@srikanthcsk]

"We can live with the idea that our central choices might not meet with general approval" as a statement is good.. but how do I impliment it? Because I am not able to live with the fact of people not approving my choices.. It makes me extremely anxious!! It seems beyond me to solve this problem in my life!

[@capybaraconlimon6754]

This. It would be peachy if I’d be able to do things that are good for me without feeling crushing guilt every step of the way...

[@magnumopus8202]

You are free when your opinion is paramount on your life path. They try to distract you from this by calling you self or conceited when you are the center of your life but they are wrong. This is the definition of freedom and there's nothing better than that.

[@drewdroppings]

Freedom is the confidence to be authentic

[@KARKATELCESARENVIADODESA-pv4yd]

There is nothing I wish more in this life than being myself and doing what I want.

[@gaillewis5472]

I'm enjoying lockdown and not doing anybody a solid. Debt paid, needed garments and furniture replaced. Life is f***ing fabulous.

[@RahulAbhyankar19]

Happy for you! :D That's awesome

[@ivarnyman3417]

I've been in to philosophy for a few months and this is by far the most relatable concept I've heard so far! And often don't take the time to leave comment so thanks

[@eustacemuthii6209]

Stand up for yourself, you cant please all people.

[@sohamkarmakar9663]

This video just portrayed the words which replaying incessantly in the minds of majority of the teenagers

[@oochipchoogi]

And possibly also older people who have thrown their lives in the pits of 'public excellence' in hopes of satisfying everyone. Only to realize, that when the people who they want or 'need' to impress disappear, they are left to fend for themselves.

[@amro9592]

I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations and you're not in this world to live up to mine. - Bruce Lee

[@awilli182]

Most of my childhood, I have been brought to care about what others thought of me. Now my goal is to wear an anime themed onesie in public.

[@banyabanya6552]

Asian Alert⚠️ I've become to be a daughter who always listens and someone who never break rules from the family I grew up with. Little do I know that I'll be sacrificing my freedom and happiness. What I really desire. I was so used to pleasing my parents and my relatives into being a good girl or obedient child so I never get the courage to break rules and become independent on making my OWN decisions I also didn't know that I'm risking my mental health just so I could keep up with the image they've made for me. :

[@sumanbasnet1919]

Yeah! It's not good or bad. Just be who you are. In long run, it is the truth.

[@coolpfpbut9505]

Oh wow. I was feeling miserable, this video came at a perfect time. Thank you so much SOL

[@coolpfpbut9505]

Just kidding, life is tolerable for me atm. Lol

[@JeffreyThrash]

I needed this. I take on more work than my co-workers right now simply because I never complain about how tired or difficult work is, even when my bosses ask for feedback. Thus, they think I can handle more and more work and later and later hours while my co-workers get to go home early simply because they tell the higher-ups that they’re tired or distressed.

[@intertwinedinside]

School of Life always give me important notion on the right moment for me. The best channel I have ever subscribed to.

[@Lalabaster]

It's my birthday today I hope lots of teens and younger adults pay close attention to this video. Live for yourself not for others.. Especially family. You won't see it until it's too* late. (it's never too late but yanoe) good luck everybuddy :)

[@TheGambaGeek]

Happy birthday! 🎈

[@celinanamalambo9798]

Obedient and good are not the same thing is a very very good lesson to learn

[@nadiezhda96]

I love how these videos are always on time.

[@josephpark1221]

Thank you so much for making this channel I'm so glad I found this! I love all of your videos and I thought I was the only one in the world who think about these things. Glad to know that I'm not alone. Keep up the good work!

[@lululeroux]

I spent over $10,000 in therapy learning the lessons in this 5 minute video. Amazing work!

[@colette2907]

love this, so profound. something i have to remind myself of as well: don't be good at things you don't want to do.

[@boardjamesgeek]

Follow the ever changing winds of your own feelings...see where that takes you.

[@theglitchyspeck]

The one who came up with Excuses = mc^2 is a whole other level of genius. 😂😂🤣❤️ loved it!

[@MuhammadAmin-bb9uh]

You guys uploaded this video right when I needed it most! Thanks a million ♡

[@amandyxd3409]

Basically live your life based on what makes you happy rather than opinions from others.

[@Darima2]

Its uncanny how you guys come out with a video matching what I've been thinking and feeling. I keep thinking how overrated being a good girl is because I was/am one and I find myself regretting all the things I didn't do for fear of guilt and feeling "bad".The way I'm emotionally closed off to others because of my upbringing . I might as well have been a bad girl because I was treated like one anyway with a lot of control and suspicion and no kind words or rewards. Last I checked, there's plenty of "the bad" who are doing just fine. And I admit I get resentful of that sometimes because it's like wait a minute so they get to make mistakes/have fun/be themselves/behave badly and then later just say oh well I was young and go on to live perfectly good lives while us good girls/boys have been well behaved the entire time and often end up getting taken for granted and left in the dust?? Ugh🙄. In childhood, when the only time anything is said to you is negative to critique or stifle you, you end up trying to be perfect in order to get love by equating love and self-worth with not being noticed for doing anything "bad" or imperfect. It's conditional love and since no one is ever perfect, you are perpetually feeling like you're not good enough and inadequate . It really messes up your self-esteem and sense of self and the way you interact with people in general. I made these realizations recently as an adult and let me tell you it's been very, very painful to remember all the events in which this manifested in my life. I think of what I could have been and how who I truly am could've flourished if I had just gotten some positive reinforcement, some warm encouragement or even just a " it's ok if it's not perfect, you can do better next time" or "You are smart and creative, you can do anything you want to do". I look back and think of all the things I wanted to do that I fantasized about but was too afraid to do because I didn't think I was good enough and so I've talked myself out of all sorts of hopes and dreams and settled for a very boring, irrelevant profession. I'm very creative and good at anything artistic and intuitive so it makes me sad to think what I could've been had I not been taught that my worth was conditional and that unless I did things perfectly, I was "bad". Throw religion and culture into that and its even worse. This perfectionism stops you from being brave enough to head into the unknown and become something special. It's almost like I was taught to talk myself out of any big , special dreams, to keep myself small even though deep down I've always known I have intrinsic talents😔. In other words, being a Good boy or girl is frickin overrated in the sense of holding yourself back from bigger, better, braver things that scare, excite and intrigue all at once. It doesn't mean start doing illegal, harmful, selfish things. It means start listening to your heart, your intuition, be brave enough to believe in yourself even when no one else does, think for yourself and be your own cheerleader, say the warm, encouraging words to yourself that you wish someone was saying to you. Think outside of the box and don't be afraid to do what "no one else" is doing in your world. Look at all the famous, influential people we admire like pioneers of music, artists, inventors, researchers, they all stood out amongst the herd because they weren't afraid to Be a bada** in Life!!

[@Darima2]

@@Rizzal169 I'm glad I'm not alone in this. Actually feeling it now is worse because it's like a delayed reaction years and decades later to how you were conditioned. I've been oscillating between anger, resentment, sadness, hopelessness about changing it and then occasionally hope that it's not too late. Being human is exhausting 😩😅

[@Darima2]

@@Rizzal169 Again, I feel you. My parents were immigrants too, overly afraid Id become too westernized and automatically be pulled into doing bad things even though I had never given them any reason to think I would. It was the automatic lack of trust as if they didn't think I had the capacity to think for myself and make the right decisions even though I was very mature for my age starting young, sharp as a whip and intuitive. It still Angers me , it was a guilty until proven innocent mentality. I'm trying to forgive my parents for that, that they were operating out of fear and they also have their own childhood traumas so I'm reeeally trying to extend that compassion. But it's tough when you try to explain to them and they don't understand because they provided everything I needed physically which of course I'm grateful for. I was also safe from other adults which I'm even more grateful for because it's amazing how many children weren't and aren't. But they don't have the capacity to understand that my emotional needs were not met at all and it's impacted me and my life in every way. Healing is a journey and a painful one at that. I'm trying to reconcile that the healing won't come from my parents, its more of a solitary journey where it's almost like you have to réparent yourself. Very tough but I pray to God for emotional healing so I can move past it because it definitely has held me back in many ways. I'm sure you understand. I pray you find that healing too. Thanks for "listening" 🙏😊

[@DocGoneRogue]

@@Darima2 thank you

[@DocGoneRogue]

@@Rizzal169 I was about asking the same

[@DocGoneRogue]

@@Rizzal169 yes

[@stardustsky685]

Freedom really means no longer being beholden to the expectations of others

[@danielcarmi305]

“The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.” -Nietzsche

[@franchygrayson2869]

Love the visuals that are paired with the narrative, they're so on point.

[@organiccher64]

Thank you for this video..im really tired of other people telling how to live my life..in life your supposed to enjoy your freedom not worry about other people..no is a very important word!!!!!!

[@kylechen9573]

this is a good point, but don't confuse being free with careless leisure or overly sacrificing the future for short term pleasure. A truly free person takes care of themselves, not by being nice, but being kind, courageous and disciplined when needed. That way you will become a truly free and competent person.

[@vanshikha7179]

I've been saying for years now. Learn to say no, to literally anything. No one cares as long as you don't.

[@221BSam]

I *hate* the question “so, what do you do?...” 🙈

[@kerrygriffin578]

This a set up ? so they can say your below them in society

[@steviewondek]

@@kundan_28 Who determines? A job or tax bracket does not always define a persons true worth, talents and positive traits.

[@katem5520]

@@kundan_28 this is the dumbest and saddest thing I've read

[@soffer]

# 3:30 freedom really means no longer being beholden to the expectations of others -- deciding factor is our willingness to disappoint and not be impressed

[@sahidcm]

I agree with this idea of stopping trying to conform to other people's expectations, but remember that if you're in a situation where others depends on your work to survive, you must be responsible enough to keep looking after them. Sometimes, it's not so easy to say, "I just will stop caring what they say" if you have a family of three and they depend economically on you. Also, some young audiences who still depend on their parents might think it's ok to just ignore what others around them need, and start acting in socially inappropriate or selfish ways. I hope this video is not an incentive to self-centeredness.

[@Niko-ms5op]

The problem is not that we believe that we are only free if we can take long trips. It's the simple fact that we are not free if we can't take long trips.

[@kevindelgadillolazarte3087]

I generally dislike and not value psychoanalysis as a "movement" or paradigm overall, but the message of this video is on point. Freedom is not being restrained by the anxiety of society/social pressure upon yourself

[@krokodyl1927]

No price is too much to own yourself.

[@carlos_retiz]

Basically it's okay to say no

[@Sean-mr2vs]

Freedom has a vast arrays of meaning

[@psychogff11]

I still didnt learn how not to be good anymore..

[@amro9592]

Simple, do not comply to the expectations of others. Just be completely true to yourself.

[@MzDanielleJoy]

This is so relevant and on time for me

[@dragos3459]

1 out of.10 times i say "no" to something ,but after that i feel bad for doing that.Not all the time but i will think about that almost the rest of the day

[@tonyguill6209]

I'm a good guy,just don't take that as a sign of weakness

[@oOIIIMIIIOo]

I like good people.

[@naria2224]

The problem is not the good girl or boy, the problem is the people that take advantage of that or treat meanly for it. We shouldn’t have to change ourselves to fit into society.Though yes we should be able to say no when needed , and be more clear about what we want.

[@HayfaZlitni]

Alain, you and your team keep me going! phenomenal! THANK YOU

[@dustyutubeify]

I just had to comment that I just love the animation style of this video! Creative and fun to watch.

[@counsela9240]

1: what do you do? 2: I’m a janitor 1: oh

[@oOIIIMIIIOo]

An important job, in my opinion. I want to see the face expressions, if every so called low jobber would quit his job. 😀

[@ronniehicks3258]

There has to be a balance between being a person who cares about others and our own needs. You have to come to terms with making others happy shouldn't take away our happiness.

[@MsGaella]

Great graphics and message. Thank you!😍🥰🙌👍

[@tysonq7131]

The imagery is hilarious please do every video in this style

[@bigh012345]

I wrote this for your last video - I'm at a turning point in my career. Maybe being bad for a little bit isn't the "worst" thing I could do.

[@mauilawrenceangeles7802]

Remember, being a good person is not about being picture-perfect, self-blaming, non-questioning, and having the lack of opinion.

[@moseskim3942]

Still many of us are not happy with ourselves independent of external approval. If not seeking approval from others, we drown in our own unrealistic and high standards.