How to tame your Advice Monster | Michael Bungay Stanier | TEDxUniversityofNevada

You know your Advice Monster! Someone starts to talk … and it looms up out of the shadows wanting to “add value”. In this funny and provocative talk, Bungay Stanier explains how advice-giving goes bad; the three personas of your Advice Monster; and why the powerful act of staying curious a little longer is the secret to taming your Advice Monster. Michael Bungay Stanier’s most recent book is The Advice Trap, a follow-up to 2016's Coaching Habit which has become the best-selling on coaching of the century with more than ¾ million copies sold. He is the Founder of Box of Crayons, a learning and development company that helps organizations transform from advice-driven to curiosity-led. He is Australian, was a Rhodes Scholar, and lives in Toronto. He can be found at MBS.works. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@ShariKaye]

Most of the time people don’t want advice. They want someone to listen or bounce ideas off of. They don’t need another person to save them. They need to be reassured that they have the power to save themselves.

[@jacobsabrina74]

Oh! That is an awesome answer!

[@MiVidaBellisima]

It’s really annoying for me to accept this but you’re right!

[@myadanco]

true, being heard is the first step towards being healed.

[@ericreevesby4192]

the art of listening - true

[@toughtimesneverlast]

we are fixers by nature, not listeners

[@kendalllrose]

My friends and I have an understanding, when one of us comes to the other to talk something out we always ask first "Are you look for space to vent and support, or do you want my perspective?", this way we all know what the other is looking for in such times. I loved this talk.

[@mbs_works]

Thanks, Kendall - I appreciate the note.

Thank you for the advice 😊

[@jaimierose2985]

I always forget to do this. I love this!

[@mysticjedi6730]

200,000 years ago one Early human said to the other "I think we should move our shelter in that direction closer to the fruit trees we eat.. " the other said "that's a bad idea, the predators always walk in that area.. we should deal with the minor inconvenience of walking over there, or even find other fruit trees.." That's the history of human conversation. One person says something, the other agrees, disagrees, says their experience, etc. Who knows what game changing information you might hear.. grow a pair.. In academia you want to absorb as many perspectives and data as possible to form your own views. Other people may have good reasons.. Grow a pair.. being a real friend is about sometimes speaking hard truths sometimes..

[@kath2391]

I stopped giving advice a long time ago, when I realized people just wanted a place to vent. Instead of giving advice I just listen and then ask “What do you really want to do about it?” They come up with their own “advice/answers”.......and it’s what they were going to do anyway. Problem solved.

[@createhappinesswitholga9875]

That's true

[@samarth3957]

I'm gonna try this always now.

[@jaydemarter5557]

Thanks for the advice

[@girlontopoftheworld]

he is just brilliant

[@candaceclaasen5357]

@@jaydemarter5557 😂

[@sergiobellance]

That's how you can become the best friend. Don't give advice, ask questions!

[@mbs_works]

you got it.

[@WilliamSmithnotthatone]

or listen!

[@harrisonstenson8324]

yes exactly.

[@juicystar1370]

This is simply one of the best TED's I have seen, humility comes when we do not take ourselves too seriously. This man is fun and funny and soooo right. Congratulations Michael you nailed it.

[@mbs_works]

Thanks, Juicy Star! I'm glad you thought it was funny AND useful!

[@maryatkin3243]

i find as a mother that i am constantly trying to give advice to my children when really they just want to be heard. i really enjoyed this talk and got a lot out of it.

[@mbs_works]

Mary, I'm glad to hear it struck a chord. You expressed a truth here perfectly

[@nannybannany]

Oh! He WROTE the book "The Coaching Habit!" I was given that book about 8 months ago from a colleague when I was promoted to a Regional Manager and supervisor. It's incredible. I completely recommend it!

[@hamaminata4947]

Oh you’re right, i didn't recognize that. That explain why he talk about the AWE question

[@mbs_works]

thank you!

[@kfironit]

I have it behing me in my office and go through it before most of my talks. I wonder if anyone is sending ANYTHING these days so I can order the new book. What a lousy timing :(

[@miriamhilley]

An advice monster is definitely the ego, thinking we know everything, thinking we have all the answers. This talk is really spot on. And this guy is excellent, such electric energy and a fantastic way of speaking. I think a lot of people would get something from this. Gonna share!

[@mbs_works]

Exactly write ... I think the three Advice Monster personas reflect three different elements of the ego. Appreciate you sharing!

[@thomasmthomson]

agreed!

[@boogerrhymes]

The ego has an amazing way of making everything about it!

[@NOKS--yk4zx]

I decided to stop giving advise a long time ago, mostly because no one took it and got them selves in deeper water despite all my time and effort. But what I found amazing was that my relationships improved so much after I stopped advising and directing the people in my life and started listening. Suddenly I felt the weight taken off my shoulders- their well being was no longer my problem and I could just focus on enjoying my time with them. And they started sharing much more openly and honestly. If only I could have had such a succinct way of explaining that phenomenon way back then. Great talk!

[@mbs_works]

thanks for the nice note ~

[@shakilagods-love-child1288]

Love ❤️ what you said here

[@jackrouse1987]

We all think we know the best, don't we? We all work so differently, it's never 1 size fits all. It's amazing that we somehow manage to lead ourselves to believe that we know what is best for those who are close to us, when really we probably haven't a clue what is even best for our own selves. I really appreciated this guys take and his honesty. Good guy.

[@nicholaskolokotrone]

you know it

[@jasoncuray]

Note to self: Stay Curious, ask these 3 questions: “What is the real challenge here for you?” “What else?” “What do you want?”

[@bellemaba]

Perfect!

[@mbs_works]

Nailed it. Let me know how it goes for you.

[@nataschaweiss]

I think we are finally realising just being there for someone, in silence, is one of the most valuable things you can do for someone these days.

[@kathywinter]

Oh wow

[@gabehileski]

I think so too

[@mbs_works]

Beautifully put. I agree: being present contribues so much.

[@InspiredEvolution]

"Holding Space" totally agree

[@emma.st.charles]

asking "what's the real challenge here for you?" is such a powerful question... will definitely be using it.

[@mbs_works]

Thanks Emnma

[@-joanna-wang]

If you can’t watch the whole thing, head to 9:48- these three points are gold.

[@mbs_works]

Thanks, Joanne ~

[@emma.st.charles]

100% agree.

[@lizb5458]

raaaaad my attention span is the worst and i love this guy's perspective

[@marekzagdanski]

Took me way too long to watch this send but it is GOLD and your time stamp helped my attention span greatly.

[@createhappinesswitholga9875]

If somebody is in a helpless state, the advice monster gets activated. But with empathy, we know when to slow down and stay curious longer.

[@nadiaferchichi]

I laughed so much, then I almost cried because I realized how close this has been to me my whole life. Thank you Michael!!!

[@mbs_works]

Glad you laughed more than you cried, Nadia. Thanks for the nice note.

[@marleydocker59]

I am the advice monster, Nadia, thank you for passing this one to me.

[@jaimierose2985]

Same!

[@iamsamfemia]

You know, I never really thought that giving advise takes away the other person’s sense of autonomy.

[@mbs_works]

I'm glad it struck a chord for you, Sam!

[@merlemackenzie]

well think now before you speak!

[@jasonb.3902]

I wonder...how do you feel when people give you unsolicited advice. Are you appreciative?

[@LeanneHughes]

The problem with giving advice, is that it's the 'default option'. Well done, Michael!! Huge stage + equally impressive message you shared.

[@opheliaollogtren]

I've never thought about the concept of an Advice Monster before, but it resonates so much! We all have that urge to immediately offer solutions, not realizing we might not fully grasp the situation.

[@keithpotter7366]

my daughter is always telling me to hush up and just listen to her, instead of give her advice or fix her problems.... i'm sending this to her so she knows i am trying!

[@mbs_works]

ha! it's a classic parent/child thing, for sure!

[@mbs_works]

that's fantastic, Keith ... she'll likely appreciate this!

[@keithpotter7366]

@@mbs_works if she punches me I will let you know ... haha

[@kyleighmcdowell]

My partner now asks me if I need help fixing something or if I just need to vent. This question has helped so many elements of our relationship.

[@mbs_works]

Ah, that's so good! I love hearing of moments like this

[@jhonmaliq6404]

That's excellent communication

[@diegosanchelez]

I love teds for people like this, who are able to bring truth to such common mistakes we all make.

[@mbs_works]

I appreciate that, Diego - thank you

[@alionafrunza5838]

Same here and his enthusiasm makes me feel motivated!

[@Tony4CEOs]

Perhaps the best training for managers, parents, & coaches I have seen. And, I've seen a lot of it.

[@mbs_works]

thank you!

[@bharatjawa1357]

@@mbs_works to 🙏

[@kathywinter]

So much conflict in our interpersonal relationships comes from not feeling heard or seen & Michael presents so many ways to cement our connections better, just staying curious longer. I love it.

[@mbs_works]

Thanks for these kind words, Kathy

[@lucastanard]

The way he presents is awesome, really enjoyed it

[@nicholaskolokotrone]

Now it's official, this is one of my all time favorite teds.

[@mbs_works]

Thanks, Nicholas - that's kind of you to say.

[@omnizm5351]

While you are proclaiming peace with your lips, be careful to have it even more fully in your heart. -Francis of Assisi

[@alicjakmusia]

I love this quote 😍 🥰

[@myadanco]

perfect!!

[@elaineclouston]

wow, that is such a great quote!

[@jaxx-inspiregrowcreate2862]

Can't get over the awesomeness of that shirt, pants combo

[@createhappinesswitholga9875]

😂

[@mbs_works]

why, thank you!

[@mmmk1616]

I thought he looked good, I love the pants, a nice burgundy color on my screen.

[@boogerrhymes]

What a smart man. And the way in which he delivers all this with such humour and rawness.We are at a point in history where we so desperately need to know what it means to listen to each other.

[@mbs_works]

hey - what a lovely note. I appreciate the kind words, and I'm glad the talk struck a chord.

[@boogerrhymes]

@@mbs_works you have a great way about you, funny, but true too.

[@BrutalTechGiant]

the speaker makes a compelling case for curiosity over advice. food for thought!

[@mbs_works]

Curiosity for the win!

[@sachiperez]

This guy fed his advice monster an entire TED talk!

[@nonamebrand5704]

I think I need to put this on a banner above my desk "STAY CURIOUS LONGER!"

[@yoursecretstar]

man thats so true, great words. That would work great!

[@natalyaguilerafigueroa]

😸 😹

[@jasesyter]

so good!

[@mikethesailor]

This is just awesome in so many ways!!

[@MarcoPolo-uh4pn]

this is the best ever advice on advice...

[@wendyeustace6499]

Love the way he presents, the way he thinks and the way he engages us - his audience!! Thank you MBS!! You're awesome!

[@actionfigure2191]

And this is the best advice non advice ever!

[@mbs_works]

ex ACT ly!

[@t-bonebranson]

His humor really made this so much more enjoyable than the average tedx talk

[@harrietgomez5859]

I'm not going to deny, so many of these things are one's that I noticed when I started Therapy - tapping into my subconscious to find out the real issue.

[@samanthaabadi]

That's why I love my best friend. She just listens to me carefully and says: I got your back whatever you do.

[@beckyfrensill]

Damn straight I do!

[@mbs_works]

Oh, that's nice to hear. Hold on to her - she sounds like a gem!

[@axelrespert3498]

hahahah! That sounds like trouble in the making though

[@jacobmorres9817]

Lovely:)

[@shanteydevers]

Stay curious a little longer. Such simple, but effective advice from this talk. It's a habit I'm going to try adopting in my daily interactions. Thanks for the insight

[@magnusseverson]

Listening is an art, mastered by few! This is a fabulous talk!

[@mbs_works]

thanks, Magnus ~

[@jasonopdebeeck4444]

this guy is great!!

[@charlievantas]

You can never see the problem when your jumping to conclusions. Excellent talk!!

[@mbs_works]

Thank you Charlie!

[@kanyakonsrimanopanithan]

😁 😆 😅 😂 🤣he is so funny😁 😆 😅 😂 🤣

[@juanwafford]

and that is it, isn't it.

[@mbs_works]

@@juanwafford *grin*

[@bazzadexter]

Stay curious for longer. Man, that's so important in all facets of life. We think we know, think we get it but reality, if we were to stay curious, ask more questions, we would have such a well rounded perspective.

[@mbs_works]

Thanks for the note, Bazza

[@murielbrown3013]

Absolutely love this. I have been a compulsive advice giver and always knew it was somewhat toxic and controlling but didn't know how to deal with it. This has been life-changing for me and I am very grateful, thank you.

[@youtuberperson]

A great big thank you from all the friends and family in my life who have a love/hate relationship with my advice monster! And one from me because now I see how I've been giving them all fish instead of a fishing pole.

[@cavenerd]

so true.

[@aylbdrmadison1051]

The story of the fish and the fishing pole is itself advice.

[@randipowers]

I've seen this guy before! Never his ted talk though. And oh my is he soooooo right. Recently my friends and I have started asking each other "Do you want advice or do you just want to vent?" it's really helped us better understand each other :)

[@mbs_works]

hey Randi - thanks for the nice note. And love that question ... which is like saying, "how can I help?"

[@gadlubac]

The part about diminishing others with our advice was an eye-opener. Must reflect on this.

[@DayoSamuelMastery]

Having been a coach, I had learned the best I can do is keep quiet and listen genuinely to people. A few days ago, I was handling a client's session, and she said "you haven't told me what to do in the last few sessions" and I replied, "you have answers already, you're only expecting me to give you step 1, step 2, and I may not"

[@mbs_works]

exactly! you got it.

[@wendythompson4922]

MBS is fantastic. Can't hear this stuff enough! He appeared to get a dud of an audience in Nevada though... he deserved a lot more reciprocal energy!

[@elaineward1925]

Some people are meant to be behind the scenes, some out in front, and the best of those are genuine in what they say, this is one of those people.

[@mbs_works]

Thanks, Elaine - I appreciate the kind words here.

[@elaineward1925]

@@mbs_works welcome welcome!

[@iambruteforce]

He really does seem like such a legend

[@beverlystillwater]

Pretending to listen, and you just can't wait to give your advice!!! you know my mom I see.

[@mbs_works]

Of course! we go waayyy back

[@beverlystillwater]

@@mbs_works haha

[@luisaesperanza]

this is me!

[@danahasler9018]

This is so awesome!

[@luisaesperanza]

@@danahasler9018 agree with yah!

[@MommaMikk]

Goodness me - the wisdom is profound! STAY CURIOUS LONGER! The application of this simple concept can be profound - in work, in life and yes, even in crisis. Thank you MBS for this talk and also for YOLB...the universe delivered it at the right time!

[@mbs_works]

Thanks, Nancy

[@mbs_works]

Nancy - thanks for this lovely note

[@seyionasanya3499]

Insightful session. Amazing how we all have advice monsters. It is important to replace Advice Giving Habit with Being Curious a bit longer through asking powerful questions. These are essential skills for coach

[@theresarives]

I feel like these are things that should be taught in grade schools!

[@mbs_works]

Thanks for the thoughtful note, Seyi

[@mikehweaver]

Yes I have an advice monster and thank you for showing me how that impacts everyone around me.

[@mbs_works]

my pleasure, Mike - glad it strike a chord for you!

[@joo-jali]

We should know better really

[@bettamargot]

Recognizing my own Advice Monster during this talk was a bit confronting but in a good way! Definitely a fresh perspectives on communication and personal growth.

[@natalemodesto]

So so easy to give advice when you aren’t the one impacted by it. I try to remember that when friends come to me…but it is also so so easy to give advice when you can see things from an outsider’s perspective!

[@mbs_works]

those are both true ~

[@mangocantu5382]

how we all need to listen more! always so quick to put our own perspective in.

[@tyeziika]

took me a while I watched he is freakin amazing.

[@timoguedon]

true mango true

[@bethanychristiansen7499]

This talk is GOLD. Now it’s time to put it in action…thanks Michael!!✨

[@annaotherdimension4900]

Very very helpful! I know I also spend a lot of energy trying to solve everyone's problems, too. And now I have some tools to help them find their own answers. Many thanks for this talk.

[@mbs_works]

my pleasure

[@SpiritStride]

the advice monster concept is so relatable. we all have one lurking around, don't we?

[@mbs_works]

we do indeed!

[@stithv]

I love the idea of staying curious and asking questions! I just finished Michael Bungay Stanier's book, "The Coaching Habit" and I have learned so much about taming my advice monster - so excited to put it into practice at work each day!

[@mbs_works]

Thanks, Rachel - I appreciate the shout out!

[@stithv]

@@mbs_works you are welcome! I also just purchased " The Advice Trap" on yesterday from Amazon - so excited to read it next! 😊

[@samarnan]

I've always been so frustrated when I've needed to vent and instead am answered back with "Oh you know what you should do" or "Well, I were you I would..." but I do always appreciate when someone tries to relate to my vent or story through showing their own vulnerabilities through a similar experience. I appreciate perspective, not advice.

[@samanthaabadi]

Omg I literally cringe when people do this

[@mbs_works]

Sam, you've nailed it here. So often "being helpful" is just not that helpful at all.

[@myadanco]

I love this, the advice monster, I've heard mine when I talk to others and I have heard those talking to me.

[@donthegiese]

very cool talk

[@charlievantas]

yep!

[@seabeach7]

I found myself always giving advise. When someone gives their advise to me I would say I didn’t ask your advise nor do I want it. So one day the light bulb went off and I reversed it and thought they might be thinking like me. That how I was able to start to change in giving advise. Beside. I was start to say why don’t the use they own brains. That was my wake up call. It became to stressful to me. Now I have more inner peace.

[@joycewright2788]

I find I often fall in the trap of thinking that just being there and listening is the same as being present and hearing. We are all so busy and we are tricked into thinking it is our time which is the most valuable thing we can offer. What a number society has done on us.

[@mbs_works]

I love that distinction, Joyce - well said!

[@successwithcathyallen1277]

WOW! This was such a great way to present empathic listening. I can't wait to practice taming my advice monster, Thank you!!

[@mbs_works]

My pleasure, Cathy

[@chanels2411]

Michael, how refreshing! You are such a sparkly human, the humour that was injected into this talk I believe made it a lot easier to reflect on my own advice monster.

[@mbs_works]

Thank you, Chanel - what a lovely note.

[@clarasands8549]

He's so entertaining!

[@nataschaweiss]

Michael is fabulous. Now if we could tackle all the hard subjects with this humour we would be much better off

[@IHaveDenverSoul]

I heard Michael speaking to Brene Brown. he was very good on that, but this talk is even better. Love this guy!

[@charlie-s-anger]

Oh I want to hear that!

[@mbs_works]

Ah, thank you for the kind words...

[@christi9711]

MBS is a genius, his books are simple yet powerful and he never fails to entertain and blow my mind at the same time. And he’s genius live too! So well read, spoken and teaches me something new every time he speaks! Bravo again sir!

[@devodevoo3627]

never heard of him til now, he is gold..

[@mbs_works]

Christi - you're very kind. thank you!

[@annherbert6949]

As usual, Michael brilliantly combined his subject matter expertise with his some facilitation talent to make everyone internalize what he was trying to get across. Thank you for a great presentation and for continuing to keep us all in the habit of staying curious a little bit longer.

[@mbs_works]

Ann, thank you for the kind words!

[@ghand6158]

To sum it up: Be INTERESTED not interesting. This is classic Dale Carnegie- and how you get to know the other person well; on a level like never before. Bravo- well done Michael

[@ruperttheprince]

My partner and I saw a meme last year that said something along the lines of "are we problem solving, or are we listening?" and now, whenever one of us has something we want to talk about, we ask each other this. Because sometimes people do want perspective and other times they want to vent - I think communicating about this helps keep us closer together.

[@alionafrunza5838]

seen this too and my friends and i do the same - i love that we are all learning that we have limited capacity and we must communicate better

[@mbs_works]

What a wonderful understanding. I'm sure that's stopped quite a few conversations going of the rails

[@ursulayildrim]

Yes my girlfriends and I do this, consent is needed before offloading on someone!

[@wandalee5010]

Wow! This hit home! I have all 3 advice monsters, saver was my biggest! Giving advice really is a waste of time, people aren’t going to take it, they are going to do what they are going to do.

[@lisinbondi1240]

Thank you. Totally needed to hear this. My advice monster is strong (like the force) I am definitley ‘tell it ‘ and need to not :) and will stay curious longer and use these questions as much as I can. New habits :)

[@yaz0031]

all in all he gave advise at the end :D Michael must have millions of fights with his family to give us this masterpiece

[@cyrillambayong]

Insightful and useful topic. It is worth sharing. Thank you so much, Michael!

[@trustfactornow]

and now more than ever we need to be able to give each other a space to vent and be heard... like Miachel said, we need to know we can do it ourselves, the sense of competence and confidence... but we still need our support networks

[@talicarson]

The way you put it all into practice at the end- perfect! Thanks for this talk Michael!

[@mbs_works]

My pleasure, Tali. Thanks for the kind words here.

[@iamnotjustintrudeau7850]

We all do it! What a great talk, I think every single person who watches it will be able to relate and hopefully will use these helpful hacks to not be such a knowitall!

[@mbs_works]

I hope so. I've found that if you interact with other human beings, the Advice Monster can show up!

[@juniorjacksonjr]

questioning our impulse to advise could really change how we interact. thanks for this perspective!

[@thebusker1609]

I love these questions! I'm reminded of the importance of treating the cause, instead of the symptoms. And this is it!

[@sylviecannon]

This was SO good, thank you !

[@mbs_works]

thanks so much ... and nice insight!

[@genesis4real]

3:37- Yes!! I am guilty of assuming that the elements of a situation that I would consider challenging aren’t necessarily what the other person would see as the challenge. I have learnt to wait till the end…I wish I had seen this talk 10 years ago! Would have saved me a lot of trial and error.

[@mbs_works]

I'm glad you saw it now ... onwards!

[@hamdikarv5508]

Thanks for this great speech. It's what i need when i work as a consultant. Somehow I've done it.. bht not exactly 100%. I told ya to be the one that listen to their problem, doesn't mean that we have to be the one who solved them. It'll be really frustrating if you do it, be the light that will help them to find their own way home

[@sebastianroseter]

I think it's important to not only recognise our advice monster but the fact that we are over-stimulated usually, there is a lot of information and the like coming at these days and quite often we take our support group's far too seriously when in reality we should be seeking professional help.

[@mbs_works]

there is a LOT of information coming at us, that's true.

[@robyncrosby666]

Fabulous speaker! And BRILLIANT topic. Especially know when so many people are in lockdown and when we do speak to friends or family, we're all just blabbing away. Quick to give advice, quick to judge. We really need to be reminded to just listen.

[@mbs_works]

Ah, I appreciate the kind words Robyn!

[@robyncrosby666]

@@mbs_works It is such a great talk, I have sent to all my friends...

[@mbs_works]

@@robyncrosby666 hurrah!

[@artcornish3520]

Yep, exactly why I am sending my partner this!

[@robyncrosby666]

man this makes me laugh, while realizing I am laughing at myself. This is me...

[@stanchance]

I always ask questions when my friend, colleague or my mom:) tells me something. Even when I'm not interested in this topic at all; I think it makes them feel more valued.

[@mbs_works]

Stan, I think you're right - it does. Questions are one of the best ways just to connect with someone.

[@5letterword]

You are a good person to do such things.

[@jacobsabrina74]

That was literally the best TED talk I've EVER watched.

[@mbs_works]

thank you!

[@CinderellaRaptured]

Yes! When giving advice is a ‘default response’! The listener wants to be heard and desires advice that is suitable to them, not the giver. There’s never any ‘one right answer’. Just because it worked for the giver of advice and that is what they think is the optimal solution, that only means that is the GIVERS ultimate optimal solution. It’s sometimes not the optimal solution for the listener. The right advice for the listener may be something completely different than what the giver gives. The giver needs to humble themselves to understand each person needs advice that suits them, not just the giver. Don’t try to control the situation, because that demonstrates your superiority and their stupidity. The giver would be wise to ask the listener questions and help the listener come to their own conclusions. More like, the way therapists do. Therapists allow the other to talk it out. They ask the questions that gently help guide that person to have those ‘aha’ moments. What a wonderful way to help people!!! You empower them, not by giving them YOUR answer, but by helping them find their own true answer. Love it!

[@liz2959]

This is probably the best Ted talk I’ve ever seen!

[@mbs_works]

Liz - thanks for saying this ~

[@georgemanu]

My advice is always the best, and I'm the only one who thinks that. Love this talk.

[@mbs_works]

ha! that's EXACTLY my point. Well said.

[@georgemanu]

@@mbs_works great minds think alike 🧐 🤓

[@thekevmeister77]

honestly i needed to hear this

[@mauro_jr1]

Awesome. It reminds me of Positive Intelligence, by Shirazad Chamine. It talks a lot about saboteurs and this advice monster sounds very similar to the Judge saboteur. And when he say that must create the habit of staying curious a little longer it reminds me of one of the five powers of the Sage. Awesome book, by the way. I totally recommend it. Also, Shirzad has a TED of his own. Michael’s book The Coaching Habit is awesome too!!! A must-read.

[@mbs_works]

I agree Shirazad's work and mine are pretty closely related.

[@emmastandish]

Oh this is marvelous!! This is incredibly important for all of us I would think.

[@mbs_works]

Thanks Emma - I'm really glad it struck a chord.

[@emmastandish]

@@mbs_works amazing talk!!

[@magnusseverson]

Isn't it just!!!

[@coopertubner]

We all are sure that our pieces of advice are brilliant and the best ever!

[@mbs_works]

It sounds *so good* and *so true* in our brains!

[@jasesyter]

Well isn't that the truth

[@iambruteforce]

Each person is different and therefore advice, unless asked for, is useless. I really liked this talk, and his way of presenting. I think it's something really important to think about, how we relate and speak to one another, and if we are actually listening or not!

[@stanzdumas]

this is heaps true hey. we really all need to be better listeners.

[@mbs_works]

thanks - I appreciate the words

[@tonyiquintero]

I find that people who have kids are the WORST with this, they don't care if you want it or not they love to lay on any advice no matter what. I have met some people who don't have kids though who give parents advice.... and that's probably even worse. Really enjoyed this one. Great presenter as well.

[@mbs_works]

Thanks, Tony - I'm really glad it struck a chord. And yes for sure, I think we've all got our "weak spots" where we like to give unsolicited advice.

[@jensjfriedemann]

This really made me realize how often I jump to give advice without really understanding the issue... Going to try being more curious instead.

[@rameshb6404]

Beautifully explained the harm of advice giving...

[@piperdalgliesh]

Yeah, you are so right. When my friends tell me about something, I stop listening to them at some point and start to think about what advice I can give!

[@brandawoodword]

I'm also guilty of this and hadn't really realized until watching this... oops.

[@mbs_works]

you're in good company ... most of humanity does that too

[@bellemaba]

I know my advice monster very well and I have internal fight with her all the time. In so many cases silence is golden.

[@mbs_works]

Well said, Belle! And getting to know your Advice Monster is the first part of the process!

[@ytanddave]

“Other people’s advice monsters” 😂😂😂. Excellent talk, real thing, well done!!

[@clarasands8549]

Every single one of my friends and family need to see this. Definitely be sharing!

[@gabehileski]

And I thank you for sharing with me Clara.

[@mbs_works]

Thanks, Clara - I appreciate you passing the word along

[@clarasands8549]

@@mbs_works 👍👍👍

[@chancesestor]

This is true - BUT - it is delivered so well, congrats man you are one of the best speakers I have ever heard!

[@mbs_works]

Hey, thank you! I practiced like crazy to make it seem effortless up there.