How to use others' feedback to learn and grow | Sheila Heen | TEDxAmoskeagMillyardWomen

Most efforts to improve individual and organizational learning focus on teaching people how to give feedback. After years of consulting with organizations around the world on how to manage their most challenging conversations, Heen and her colleagues realized they may have been thinking about the problem the wrong way. She explains why, if you want to improve learning in your organization, the smart money is on figuring out how to receive feedback-even off-base or poorly delivered feedback-and use it to fuel growth.
With plenty of examples and a natural charm, Heen delivers a talk that will change the way you think about feedback. Most of us have a love-hate relationship with feedback, but Heen thinks we can learn to embrace it for the valuable tool it is. If we handle it right, we can use it to enhance our performance and strengthen our most important relationships.
A founder of Triad Consulting Group and a lecturer at Harvard Law School, Heen has spent the last 20 years with the Harvard Negotiation Project, developing negotiation theory and practice. Her work takes her throughout the world, helping people and organizations work through their most difficult conversations.
A New York Times bestselling author of two books, she specializes in particularly difficult negotiations - where emotions run high and relationships become strained. An expert often sought out by the media, Sheila is schooled in negotiation daily by her three children. Learn more about Sheila Heen at bit.ly/1IQ0azH.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx

[@BenAngMusic]

2:48 See receiving feedback as a skill 4:18 Think about a piece of advice you've rejected 5:15 Boundaries and wrong-spotting 6:30 Three trigger reactions - (1) Truth triggers / blindspots 7:15 (2) Relationship triggers (who gave it) 7:35 (3) Identity triggers (who are we) - bronze or silver? 9:35 Hard times for high achievers 11:45 How set point affects how we receive feedback 12:35 Don't give people feedback on how they should receive feedback 16:05 A tool to lower the stakes when receiving feedback 16:40 The best question: What's one thing...

[@gloriaroma-sandiegorealest4037]

She's right. I asked my son what is the one thing I could do to be a better mom, he had an instant answer...followed up by a second one. We have a plan. I'm looking forward to being the best mom I can be.

[@duck-friend]

your comment made my day, you sound like an awesome mom!

[@aramitnehra2889]

Ohoo 👍

[@pambradysharma204]

GREAT TALK! Since being introduced to this idea it has grown... I now use these techniques every day!! Delivered in a clear very professional and personal way!! Worth watching and sharing!

[@geoffreydenye5485]

It is fascinating the way Sheila shows the interplay between personality and feedback receptibility. The aspects of, how you see me and how I see myself, in relating with feedback are mind openers. An additional highlight for me is the guiding question to seek feedback: "What is one thing I am doing or failing to do -where I'm getting in my own way."

[@EduardoBriceno0]

Wonderful talk and strategies to help us better understand our reactions to feedback and how to manage them, as well as how to increase the feedback in our lives to better learn and grow. Thank you!

[@omadayusjones6414]

This is a paradigm shift for me. Thank you Sheila.

[@jnr.3masuku629]

Renews or gives one a new perspective to feedback. Thank you for sharing

[@michaelpeshkam2412]

An informative talk on Feedback, good show Sheila!

[@rigormortis6981]

Thanks Dr. Izzie Stevens!

[@donaldma4686]

Beautifully spoken!

[@215mab]

Well delivered. Thank you for the lessons. I am better today because I am hoping to better my ways tomorrow.😃

[@GJacq726]

Rich and insightful.

[@rebeccalimbaugh8479]

Very informative! I will definitely share this with everyone know.

[@andy9735]

Brilliant, i loved it

[@clairet188]

Great talk!!!! I loved it !

[@bereketdesta2593]

Excellent! Needs to be watched.

[@gerhardtan8667]

Amazing, very nice talk. Inspiring!

[@kacperkokocinski2750]

Such a great talk!

[@woleabu378]

Very candid and clear ideas are expressed in this talk. Can't help noticing how smart and beautiful and humorous she was. I'm definitely now more aware of the triggers that make receiving feedback so difficult. It would be helpful to get the tool she talked about - she didn't share it

[@HealingResonanceLlcKristiBorst]

+Wole Abu ~ The tool that she offered was the asking family, friends, colleagues "What's ONE THING I can do to make my (parenting/relationship with you/staff meeting/etc.) better?" and then listening to the answer and seeing how the feedback may enrich our lives and help us learn/grow.

[@sornorenu9221]

+

[@doctornordicsaury9609]

@@HealingResonanceLlcKristiBorst Right, to find one thing you can do or you can't do.

[@robbieharley1480]

Great Ted talk.

[@diananicodim]

Real inspiration!🙏

[@mohammednazari9833]

Amazing, Absolutely loved it, Thank you

[@acer4237]

Very good talk for all aspects of life!

[@girlyoutalktomuchpod]

Love this !

[@happinesswatts]

Wow I have learn something about Googling. From now on I google positivity more. I wish to speak like this someday once my bachelors is done. meantime I am learning from best like Sheila and Shanita.

[@metabolicmenu7885]

Just seen Sheila at the GLS 2018 - totally out of the ball park!

[@alyssagrigoryan8835]

Very insightful. Thank you.

[@dogmom007]

Wow! Beauty and the brains. She has the whole package.

[@sofeahakim9141]

Wow rashida very informative would look forward to some more Ted talks from you

[@nomessnostress]

This was soooo awesome and she was funny too! Good for bill 😂

[@santaihumble9785]

my personal I proud your presentation and introduced. what you talk about its very help full to me. so you have writing some book relevant what you talk about now. I want to get your book.

[@matthewschaber311]

Love her hair !

[@mauriciotb6103]

16:40 What`s one thing you see me doing - or failing to do - that is getting in my way ?

[@Akbar-vc7tb]

Very helpful!

[@kimberlyharriott492]

Coursera brought me here. I'm taking a human skills course within The American Dream Academy (TADA).

[@Inoudidntask4my2cent]

Very helpful. I am hypercritical because I am soooo undersensitive to feedback.

[@o.h.w.6638]

Reminder: People who have experienced abuse have trouble with this whole subject. Just saying... don't forget them.

[@aramitnehra2889]

Great video

[@natirvinii9120]

well done:)

[@TheWerequat]

Revisit your research regarding people who have had spinal chord injuries.

[@isaacdixon3732]

We do not teach people in our society how to give and receive feedback. This is one of the cornerstones of human relationships yet we give people no skills in how to do this.

[@sugandhkhanna2034]

How to distinguish between feedback and an insult. And, if it's an insult or criticism, how to respond to that wisely?

[@PCP1992]

Feedback is informative and helps the person understand the impact of their behaviour. (It explains why they might wish to behave a different way the next time, and how to do that.) - I felt quite invisible the other day when you told me you were busy without even looking at me once... An insult merely points a finger at the negative behaviour and names it. "You're so self-absorbed". Not very helpful... If someone's negative feedback is critical/insulting and unhelpful, it's possible to ask it to return as such: "Can you help me understand - what specifically about my behaviour is making you feel that way, and why?" then it's possible for the criticism to become informative feedback which comes with understanding. Feedback comes with information to aid understanding. Insults merely point out the negative.

[@derekstaroba]

Hello my name is Derek and I feel like and experience these (algorithms?) Is doing very well and it just gave me the results but other results are definitely strings attached (& it wants me to type this) I see something that is beyond and I I think you should understand that you are perfect and busy (higher work satisfaction)

[@uzairkiyani5203]

👍👍👍

[@vishwanathkr2870]

super kia seltos

[@liveandstories]

Shyndyk, raqmet!

[@heatherelizabethcomedy]

whos here from Reed college?

[@treycarpenter9043]

lmao Hi

[@robinfunsten1897]

Great Talk! Terrible Sound Quality. I wish there was a better quality version of this talk so I could share with clients more comfortably.

[@mtspace2575]

Dylan exactly

[@jenniferparry1047]

Ha! She looks just like me! How weird is that :)

[@snellavision]

"Sheila is schooled in negotiation daily by her three children" Maybe your children should be giving the presentation. This is being shown as part of a university curriculum

[@whiteeyedshadow8423]

this is the equivalent of asking a blind person which way to go in a car(if you protest, just say you really want to know)...they say right, so you drive right...and you go right of a cliff.

[@edithbrito7]

+

[@anagha6834]

Her voice is like Mickey Mouse