I Didn't Want My Co-Worker To Feel Left Out Of My Wedding So I Didn't Invite Her r/Relationships

[@LovesGaming37]

A good lesson: don't invite coworkers and just keep to friends and families

[@vixxxenfoxxx3660]

and miss out on being THE talk of work and all those extra wedding gifts? Aw, hell naw. Lol Seriously, this is why the new girl at work decided to invite a bunch of the Doctors and other staff at our hospital. Mind you, most she never even spoke to, lol. When one of the doctors actually asked her why she blatantly stated 'I want EVERYONE talking about my wedding and you guys can actually afford nice gifts'. Now here's the epic part- The hospital held their company picnic on the same date. I'm not saying it was intentional but that same Doctor was on the planning board. None of us went to the brat's wedding.

[@hilaryc3203]

@@vixxxenfoxxx3660 Excellent

[@kg5626]

That is the best idea

[@tammygarrett8427]

Some people work with their friends and family

[@hilaryc3203]

@@tammygarrett8427 Yes, but the question of not inviting family because they work with you is not part of this equation. Nor are friends who may have been friends before the working relationship. What this equation is, is that people let themselves become friends whilst they work together and feel honour bound to include them in all aspects of their lives. Then in order to keep good relations at work, they feel obligated on inviting the extra colleagues who they are not close too. The fact is, that the ties of friendship will be cut on most of those "work friends" when one of the people move on from the job. It's not hard to keep personal and professional life separate, yet so many people struggle to accomplish that. Once upon a time, people ended their work day and went home, now people end their work day and head to the nearest bar for a few drinks etc. Lines are blurred and crossed.

[@elleevans80]

Idk why op went "the caterer would be too expensive but there's no way I can just talk to Jane and order her a meal from a restaurant that acommedates her. I better just single her Out"

[@skyelindsey687]

Because she wasn’t singling her out. She wasn’t the only coworker not invited. You don’t have to invite people you aren’t close to or don’t like just because of social pressure. A wedding is for the couple, not the acquaintances.

[@Kati_P]

​@@skyelindsey687While what you say is accurate, the question was 'am I the a-hole for not inviting someone because of their dietary restrictions without having a conversation with them about reasonable accommodations and alternatives first', and the answer to that is yes. It doesn't matter what the occasion is. If the only reason you're not inviting someone is because they have inconvenient limitation that you're unwilling to and/or too immature to address with a conversation, then you're automatically the a-hole, imo.

[@crissdace8358]

It sounds like the op wasn't gonna invite her in the first place it just sounds like she popped into her mind lol.​@@Kati_P

[@Kati_P]

@@crissdace8358 🤷🏻‍♀️Sounded to me like OP just didn't have the spine to say "we ain't that close" and came up with a stupid excuse for not inviting What's-Her-Name to the wedding that blew up in her face. People dig themselves into extremely embarrassing and completely avoidable holes to prevent having to deal with somewhat uncomfortable, but honest, conversations.

[@johnbradbury8610]

@@Kati_P Agreed, the fact that Jane thought they were friends probably means OP gave her that impression. Its her wedding, but if you invite all of your other coworkers, except for one OP, you can expect that 1. Jane will find out 2. unless Jane did something to OP its going to make her look bad.

[@jakeking3859]

Story 2: "But you said I could! ...while high..." WHAT? Yeah, I bet he didn't even say anything like that, and she just used the fact that he was high as 'permission' to go and do what she was already gonna do. If someone says something to you while they're inebriated, it's not binding; you should always discuss it with them later. And even if he had said what she claims, that's not him saying "you can go and sleep with whoever". What a slippery way to try to get out of accountability. And I hate that he's still accepting it!

[@LadyBern]

The thing is she never brought it up again, let him know what she was doing, and all of the other open communicating to set rules and boundaries one would while engaging in an open relationship. She knows the op didn't mean that or know so she did it by omission. Hell I'm of the belief that she imagined that he said it and realized that was what she wanted and ran with it. You know how some people go "I'm upset at you because you cheated on me in my dreams!"

[@jake8748]

Cheaters hear a version they want to hear. Classic example, I spoke about a mate who had to dump his GF for cheating while deployed in the army. My wife heard it as I was going to divorce her while I was deployed. Atleast that was one of her excuses for why she cheated. It wasn't even possible legally under our laws what she claimed, I said. Plus, I'd never looked into divorce laws or requirements until after I caught her. Only good thing, we had been talking about kids and buying a house around that time, thankfully we didn't actually go through with kids.

[@drewthistlethwaite8909]

Yeah if she said yes to a threesome while high, OP can just force her into it yeah? Not bother with any follow up, discussion, rules. That logic is dangerous and shows she values only HER consent on this.

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

She already wanted to cheat, so she just seized on that one statement of his so she could tell herself that he "gave permission."

[@heatherdickau5335]

Story 2 - Once Op takes back his financials, he might find he has more money than he realizes. Hopefully, this will help him open his eyes and grow a spine.

[@MrBrachiatingApe]

Exactly. Bet anything they're loving paycheck to paycheck because she desires it that way or is too undisciplined to save. Worst case, she's diverting like 15% of his take him into her "bug out fund" and probably only asked to open the marriage because 1) they're post 10 years in California and he's on the hook for lifetime alimony or 2) she feels she's stolen enough that she can afford to throw the marriage away. But she's probably just stupid, selfish, ignorant of how men think, and unrealistically confident in her ability to p whip OP or another sucker into supporting her azz for life in return for supporting her three kids, no sex, and constant emotional abuse and gaslighting. Because she's a 10, and she IS the table, yass kween slay, and all the other deluded nonsense so many women in America seem to somehow believe.

[@LovesGaming37]

Story one: why invite coworkers? Coworkers are not the same as friends. Coworkers might be tight at work but if someone leaves the company, will that former coworker still be tight with the rest? I doubt it

[@AP_7846]

I never understood the point of getting offended that you were invited as a coworker to a wedding. To me, weddings are intimate affairs that are obviously very expensive. I definitely would not be offended if I was not invited to a wedding of my coworker.

[@ch3rrikiss]

Some coworkers become friends hun

[@faceofvision]

Well, some do, I quit a year ago and we still keep in touch the same 🤷🏻‍♀️ on the other hand, you could say the same about non work friends, if one moves, will they still stay as close?

[@kateajurors8640]

​@@faceofvisionAt that point they're promoted from Jessica worker to friends.I have the same.There's a group chat that was started when I worked at Walmart.And we would add people to it even as some people left.And we would all meet up a couple times a year like around halloween christmas and in july for 3 birthdays. Those are friends not just co-workers at that point.But if you are coworkers I just don't get the point of beingdependent if they're friends then they do stuff outside of work that would have given a or expectation of being invited

[@faceofvision]

@@kateajurors8640 when they become friends do the stop being coworkers? 😂😂😂 Original comment said "coworkers", that would mean all coworkers 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@markanthony1004]

Story 2: OP is kind of his own worst enemy

[@TheGreatPresenter]

Story 3: that bonus story of cutting down the Christmas tree and the traditions that formed was truly moving.

[@marshawargo7238]

OP was 6 when adopted and I think he must have Some memories from that age! I wonder if hypnosis or regression therapy can help him remember, if he really wants to. I don't think he should, because he has repressed it! I love the Christmas tree memory! Though it should show him that at only 2 years later he has very vivid memories! His Parents😅 said "pick out the tree that You like best" but as he still didn't feel like he belonged yet, he heard "pick out the best tree in the forest"😢! This in itself kinda sounds like he had been a scapegoat & blame for anything that went wrong, in his previous bio home😢!!! My personal opinion is block mom & don't contact the brother, he's probably been conditioned by mom & is now fubar😢 so keep them far away! Mom might be thinking about how she lost her chance to fubar OP & this is her second chance & I'm sure she'll try harder! Don't let her or any of them into your life, it would be like a zombie apocalypse😮!!!

[@mbyerly9680]

Dang onion ninjas.

[@DaBaseBallZ]

Story 2:And why aren't you divorced already? Cause I'm pretty sure this marriage is dead already Update:Well,That happened. You already know what to do,OP. So do what you must (Day by day,I'm thankful that i'm single,No headaches,No abuse and most importantly,Free time and money all the way)

[@johnbradbury8610]

A high-value man isn't likely to marry a single mother of three kids that he has to support. OP is a total simp.

[@dlc563]

That woman in story 2 needs to get a job and support herself. This is crazy how she ie abusing him.

[@brad5167]

Yeah, same here. And I plan to stay single for life for my own piece of mind. Stories such as this one remind me the risks of marriage that are just not worth it IMO. I sincerely hope OP gets himself out of there and gets some help big time.

[@Frazzled_Chameleon]

Bonus story: OP's BFF is totally one of those people who go behind their partner's back to invite a no-contact parent to their wedding because FAAAAAAMILY.

[@MisterNightfish]

Story 1: How does OP even function in society? He was today years old when he found out other people have feelings. Wow.

[@johnbradbury8610]

The commenters who praised OP are idiots. She still excluded jane

[@KadeStringer2.0]

It’s not op’s fault

[@CRSB00]

​@@KadeStringer2.0It kind of is, though...

[@drewthistlethwaite8909]

My ex friend regularly trips(legal in our state) on shrooms with random dudes to teach them empathy then dumps them. The amount of men I know who had emotions turned on just to be crushed is astronomical, she’s a trip herself 😂😂😂

[@wewaitandwatch]

Jfc I'm not a shrill screaming woke nest chicklet but autism and divergency happens. Processing situations is different for different folks. Don't assume social awkwardness and lack of knowledge is wilful stupidity. That's a bit sad.

[@BloodMarket]

"I dont want her to feel left out- so i left her out of my wedding" Yeah. Makes sense

[@SherriLyle80s]

S2 if you ever won the lotto, you would have to split it with her if you are married. Even if you started to file for divorce. So just leave now.

[@markanthony1004]

@@fyoutube9410Split more like $550,000 due to taxes but still

[@Rose-yt5hi]

it honestly sounds like he’s not dreaming of winning the lotto to live a life of wealth and luxury… I think he dreams of winning the lotto in order to be able to fund a divorce. Lmao.

[@johnbradbury8610]

OP sounds like a total simp. He marries a single mother with three kids who don't even work. if that isn't enough she is a cheater.

[@MrBrachiatingApe]

That's why he's saying if he won and she stayed, it would prove to him that she wasn't with him because she had no options. Because she is with him because she had no other options for idiots to take care of her trifling, cheating, stupid, selfish, lazy unto death ass. She's using him so hard he will have saddle marks and spur scars for the rest of his life.

[@kr0gan105]

A “boob reading” ?? 😂😂😂 Fkin genius 😂😂

[@md79melissa]

this is like those pregnancy tests u take online by sending pictures of your privates lol

[@meechiebaby493]

​@@md79melissaPeople really fall for that? It's a way for them to get free vag. pics. Wtf?

[@DaBaseBallZ]

Story 1:Bruv,They could've brought their own food and still went,Why do you assume people only come to weddings for food (some do,But only those who aren't that close to the bride and groom),YTA

[@skyelindsey687]

Nah, nobody is entitled to an invite to any event no matter perceived closeness to the host. Expecting an invite and getting upset and bashing the host when you don’t get one makes you TA regardless of the host’s reasoning.

[@venusbleu5764]

That's exactly where I'm at with this lol everybody is trying to turn it into some after school special with a lesson friendship and it's not that deep Jane will be ok. Commenters are 100% triggered by the reasoning not the non invite.

[@faceofvision]

​@@venusbleu5764of course they're "triggered" by the reasoning, because op clearly did it mostly because they aren't that close, and the food was just a nice excuse. Grown up adults can't even be honest to themselves 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@nilianstroy]

story 2.. she will change her mind as soon as op start dating...

[@johnbradbury8610]

OP is a spineless simp, I doubt many women are going to be interested in him

[@shoshishaw8762]

A note to the adopted op with biomom trying to reach out, from one adopted kid to another don't listen to anyone but yourself and your gut. I met with my biomom, who I call my incubator, a couple years ago just to get a history and to hear her side of things. Mind you before that meeting I had seen the police and hospital reports of so many of the reasons my brother and I were taken away. She lied through her teeth about all of it and my boyfriend at the time was "trying to be devils advocate" by defending her when I later talked to him about it. Those people who haven't been through what we went through don't know what it's like and never will so they need to to keep their mouths shut, don't listen to a word they say. And if she's trying to force you to meet her to get a family history then show her you really don't care about what she has to say. Block her if you need to and if it comes to it file harassment charges. Manipulative people like that will push and push until you show them you won't take it

[@jojocandy2025]

The 2nd story. That poor guy man. How come he is the only one bringing money in, supporting everyone, is super stressed about bills and being able to support everyone, yet she is going on week long retreats and is taking the money away? Wtf??

[@maurer3d]

Story 1: NTA, you are not obligated to invite everyone you work with to your wedding. The only stupid thing you did was give her a reason for not inviting her.

[@danielrobles3668]

You know I never heard her say they were friends just co-workers so I don't see what the big freaking deal

[@LadyBern]

Because everyone else within that circle is being invited. It's about the healthy and amicable work environment that she is disrupting by doing something that feels 'mean girls' to the others. Perhaps you remember the other story where the guy's coworker invited nearly everyone in their office except op and was supposed to bring him back cider donuts but didn't? How he was excluded because the bride didn't want single men (creeps/predators as the bride called them) at her wedding because she didn't want anyone to hook up (especially her sister who the op was the type of). The women at the wedding hated that there were so few men, the op still ended up with the sister, and the groom's work reputation tanked so it was all pointless.

[@HydraKitt]

These intros are getting shorter and shorter. Soon it'll just be "Markee here. Let's go." Lol

[@geckokid8265]

Or just "G'"

[@Floratic]

I honestly skip the intros in all the reddit content creators I listen to since it's always the same stuff repeated. But I know some people enjoy being greeted before the story begins. I appreciate those who have a intro skip option in the chapters.

[@marshawargo7238]

​@@Floratic I skip it too, it sounds prerecorded & the same every time! One guy I listen to, shows his face at the intro but it's obvious it's recorded & the same. But The END! Makes me want to scream! Also recorded & the same every time, but you don't see him, But he is on the verge of or actively Yawning😠!!! You know that if you see or hear someone Yawning, it is contagious, right?😲😖😢😫🖕So I skip out of his outro😂!

[@sylviathimba7289]

I like the intros too, I find myself mouthing to it everytime. It's comforting somehow.

[@DarkDreamsAndMoonlitNights]

The description of OP’s memory of going to the Christmas tree farm and the family tradition made me tear up. Goddamn…❤😢

[@heatherdickau5335]

Story 2 - He needs to just open the bedroom so she can find someone to leave. And his wife needs a job.

[@kg5626]

You are not wrong

[@AnnieAnnieBuckwheatCakes]

1st srory: OP is oblivious, however, Jane is also pretty bold demanding an invite to the wedding. Everyone sucks. The lesson of this story is to not invite co-workers to a wedding unless you are actually friends outside of work hours.

[@5calambres]

Where did jane demanded a invite? Jane thought she and op are friends and was hurt by being not considered important enough to get invited.

[@boogitywoogity248]

So in the first story we are either dealing with a horribly clueless human being, or a pretty good liar. I’m unsure which honestly, leaning toward the latter. OP literally states, “I wanted to exclude her because of her dietary restrictions and all, I didn’t want her to feel excluded.” So you excluded her entirely, so she wouldn’t feel a smaller version of it. That’s like, putting your entire child in the oven because you don’t want them to burn their hand. ??. Following that she goes, “I didn’t think she’d want to go without her diet being accommodated.” OP says this what within a paragraph of saying she brings her own meals to work, a place that would by law have to accommodate her. So again ??. OP either has literally 0 critical thinking skills, or she excluded her “friend” by choice thinking she didn’t want her “friend” bringing her own food and taking attention. I find myself struggling to believe she’s a 0/10 brain human, I find it much more likely she’s a 7/10 liar. She excluded her friend and then spun the tail with an “oopsie daisy” explanation.

[@johnbradbury8610]

I bet OP is only responding because her coworkers gave her the cold shoulder. The fact that she gave us advice as if we're all clueless AHs that don't care about other peoples feelings is annoying

[@GalacticPossum]

I'm an adopted kid, and the last OP's Christmas memories got to me. I never felt like I had missing pieces either, and I adore my parents. And that's what they are to me--not my adoptive parents, just *my parents.* I hope the love those parents passed on to OP will carry on fire generations.

[@jakeking3859]

Story 1: Why not just talk to her? Are you really so adverse to a simple, five minute conversation, that you thought the best solution was to single her out by not inviting her? YTA When I read the title of the video, I knew it was going to be bad, because it didn't make any sense, lol.

[@skyelindsey687]

Thing is she wasn’t singled out. She wasn’t the only one not invited. She singled herself out by making a big deal out of nothing. Nobody is entitled to an invite to any event.

[@jakeking3859]

@@skyelindsey687 but she said the ONLY reason she didn't invite her was the cost of food?? If she was a close enough friend that she was considered for an invite, she should have also been close enough for a simple conversation to clear it up

[@skyelindsey687]

@@jakeking3859still doesn’t make one entitled to an invite to any social event. And 9/10 coworkers are only considered for an invite because it’s the socially polite thing to do. Southern hospitality and all that jazz.

[@MischieviousJirachi]

​@@jakeking3859the other guy is talkin bout entitlement or whatever, low empathy from him. You're the only one with a good take here

[@jakeking3859]

@@MischieviousJirachi thanks

[@colleens1107]

No really….is Jane now invited to the wedding?

[@tijgeke87]

she said sorry for not inviting her, it sounds like she is still not invited tbh OP did everything they could to look good so if OP invited her after all she would have said so i think

[@sandeesandwich2180]

S1: That story sounded like it was written by Jane and not the bride. S2: Way to bury the lede! Oh, I don't want to be married anymore.....reasons reasons ...oh, and btw, she cheated.

[@MisterNightfish]

Story 2: It's hard to feel sorry for OP when he's such a doormat. If you lay on the ground willingly, can't really blame people for walking all over you.

[@rubystone9074]

Unfortunately, this is usually a learned mentality. I'm trying desperately to make sure this doesn't happen to a male family member of mine, but nothing has worked so far. We were both raised to "turn the other cheek" no matter what, and it's really bit me over the years. Sometimes you just have to learn the hard way I guess.

[@lynnw7155]

Yeah; if he wants to divorce, he should just divorce. My ex and I were dead broke and still managed to divorce. We did it without lawyers...just filed the papers and worked out the details between us. The judge approved the divorce with no court appearance. It cost about $200.

[@johnbradbury8610]

@@lynnw7155 good point, it doesn't seem like there will be much money to fight over. I think Op is scared. he probably thinks she is the best he can do, and he might be right with his attitude.

[@johnbradbury8610]

Well said, my friend. He had to be pretty desperate to marry a woman with three kids. Now she doesn't work, but she at least makes time to cheat on him.

[@johnbradbury8610]

@@rubystone9074 true, it's hard to "unlearn' the bad things we were taught at the same time when you become an adult you have to take responsibility for your own life. Good luck with your friend.

[@krisCrashTV]

2:What kind of law doesn't protect someone married to a spouse who refuses to work? He's damned if he do, damned if he don't. 3: OPs parents are adorable

[@LindtLLawliet]

For the adoption op, non adoptee here but child of an abusive split house hold now adult. You are nta that’s not on you and you owe her nothing, saying so is a boundary and she and your friend are crossing it. Go ahead and end the communication, move on with your own search for your health. You need to protect you, you don’t need to do anything for her.

[@zarajones5428]

Story 1 absolutely NTA. It’s her wedding, she’s allowed to invite or disinvite anyone for any reason. No one is entitled to be at someone’s wedding, especially a colleague’s

[@Ecclectic_citcelccE]

OP was removed from his birth family, that means they failed him MANY times. Children's services don't do just one and done in adopting out foster children. I'm glad he found such wonderful parents. ❤❤❤

[@MizMorgue1]

S2. OP needs to dump this marriage, he's engaging in self abuse by staying with a partner who doesn't love or respect him. Easier said than done, I know, but too many ppl stay in toxic relationships and in the end, it damages everyone in family, especially the kids. I wish OP the best

[@aduckofsomesort]

You don’t get custody of children if you have no job and no home but your former spouse does.

[@maurer3d]

Story 2: YTA, just divorce her now...If you don't want to be with her, then don't... After the divorce she will have to get a job, to support herself, and you will pay child support, and some alimony. And if you choose to date in the future don't date someone who doesn't work (especially if they have kids). Story 2 (more info): OP file now, and if your state allows fault divorce use the affair to your benefit. Oh and I can guarantee she is still cheating on you, and maybe even physically while on this trip. Story 2 (update): Divorce her..... She just confessed to cheating.... This is your out, you can not afford to let her manipulate you into staying with her. Get a lawyer, tell your mother, evict her and the step kids, then file for primary/sole custody of your bio children.

[@StephBer1]

I have a LOT of food allergies and although it frustrates a lot of my friends, it frustrates me more. I've lost friends because of it - it took me years to to realise they weren't my friends. Everyone with allergies understands that you can't cater to everyone. We bring our own food. You are the AH.

[@HodajuciParadoks]

NTA. You can invite anyone you want or do not invite anyone you are not close with...but YTA for pretending that she is not inviting her for the fact that she does not give a shit about it...they are just people you know not friends. Be just honest, you are not friends. Friends talk about it, they could bring a food for them. It is ok not to be friends with every person you know. Just do not pretend it is about the food.

[@OGJaquarPrincess]

He doesn’t have to invite coworkers to his wedding. What’s wrong with y’all.

[@madcatlady]

as about the only one not invited from my department to a coworker's wedding after being told before she planned it I was and then being shown all the photos by her afterwards, I just stayed very quiet, I never could challenge her like Jane did, I have utterly no idea why considering who she did invite, people AFAIK she disliked, I just didn't stay so close to her afterwards, not because I wasn't invited but because I was verbally originally and wondered what changed

[@andrewalexander9492]

"I didn't want her to feel excluded, so I excluded her"

[@elizathegamer413]

That last story's ending made me tear up... Truly what a great memory and its so lovely that the OP has that great chance to have amazing parents :)

[@thePhoenixQueen]

OP's not the AH. No one is entitled to an invite to any event.

[@PinkMarshmallows]

Story 1: Was it a D move? Yes, but that's OP's right. It's her wedding and she can invite anyone she wants. NTA. Story 2: OP lives in California? Oh, he's f-ed, lol. Story 3: NTA. As a fellow adoptee, throw the whole egg donor in the trash.

[@LadyWolvie82]

Regarding S2, infidelity *can* affect the divorce settlement in California, especially when controlled substances are in play. OP2 has a chance because of this.

[@morganleanderblake678]

Markee I think he was saying if she stayed it would prove she wanted him because if he won the lottery she would be entitled to half of it, so she would ALSO be free to do whatever the eff she wanted.

[@Robin-ue2me]

Last story. Onion ninjas got me on the Christmas ornaments part. I really am so glad he got the parents that he did. They sound perfect.

[@aduckofsomesort]

If you want to divorce your wife then just divorce your wife.

[@blaszizzz]

Omg the last story made me cry 😭 family isn't always blood, love is something special 💕

[@343themarine]

18:30 love when OPs are like: > Used subtances that altered my perception of reality > Do/say things that they would do normally > Surprise pikachu face

[@carlrood4457]

TBH it sounds like Jane was on the bubble of an invite, anyway. I only invited co-workers that I saw socially outside work. No issues. One person on my bubble list did come because he was dating someone my wife invited.

[@keepdancingmaria]

Earth to OP..... Not inviting someone is a sure sign to them that you are leaving them out.

[@SMey54]

As a person with multiple food allergies, I am used to making my own accommodations- eating beforehand, etc.

[@cheshirewitch7560]

Story 1: he had SO many options here that didn't include not inviting her. He could've talked to her prior to giving out invites, and asked if she would be OK bringing her own food, and offering to have the catering staff plate it for her so it could be brought out with the other dishes. Or he could have offered to order her a dish to be delivered and then plated from a restaurant she knows can cater to her dietary needs. These two options alone wouldn't be an insane hassle, and the caterer would probably be happy to accommodate for someone with such extensive dietary restrictions (versus the hassle of making a meal to fit them, for a singular person, which I'm sure would drive the chefs nuts). Just not including her because of her complicated dietary needs is harsh.

[@lauracottom7425]

Op first you need to talk to your wife about getting a job. Because you are entitled to be happy. Don’t talk to her about this because if she files for divorce what will you do? Work smarter not harder. Whose idea was that conversation while high? I am curious as to if this was a get you high and get him to agree with certain things. Does your wife get child support for the kids that aren’t yours? You need to sit down and look at all expenses that have been paid and verify where the money you make is going. Go to the bank and get statements. Go over them. Also who paid for this retreat? How much was it? Op: Everyone is entitled to know their medical history. Also how you came to be adopted. NTA

[@venusbleu5764]

Lol OP states they aren't that close in which case no Jane isn't worth the effort just don't invite other coworkers too. I feel like that last update was her being pressured because of other people's feelings. No one was owed an invitation people are just mad at the reasoning stated. I don't feel like there's really a huge moral story here lol

[@MrBrachiatingApe]

If op number 2 won the lottery and his wife stayed without divorcing him and taking half, it absolutely would mean that she wasn't just staying with him for shallow reasons. Women divorce good men all the time for a lot less than a one to 100 million dollar paycheck. She would probably divorce him for two grand and a free trip to Boca raton. That said, if that's what he thinks he needs proved himself that his wife loves him, that is, her passing up the option to get independently wealthy and stay in a marriage to effectively have 80% of his winnings instead of like 40% after lawyers gobble away at least 10% of the total if not 20%...

[@gigga143]

S1: I feel like this story is so weird. OP keeps saying she and Jane are not close but then talks about their friendship. Sorry but I have had coworkers I’m cool with and have gone to lunch with but that doesn’t mean I’d invite them to my wedding, when there are other coworkers I would 100% invite.

[@Just_This_Hayley]

Well damn that last part, "my favourite memory" made me cry ❤ how sweet

[@mbyerly9680]

The abuse would have to be incredibly bad for CPS to take a child away from their mother FOREVER. OP needs to keep this monster out of his/her life. Companies like 23&Me aren't the only choice for learning genetic information. Some companies will give you a complete or partial DNA work up to detect health issues, etc. You won't be connected with others who are related, etc. It's expensive as heck, but it's a lot cheaper than having your life destroyed by a crazy relative or a health condition you knew nothing about.

[@PowerControl]

Story 1: why did the coworker feel entitled to an invitation to a wedding? I would be too embarrassed to ask!

[@strangelic4234]

If you invite coworkers, you either invite selected few - like the two peeps with whom you spend every lunch break - or you invite your complete group except Bob, who uses every opportunity to tell you that he can:t stand how you smack when you chew. You don't like Bob, Bob knows you don't like him and is okay with not being invited. Inviting almost all people around you except one does send a message and while nobody is entitled to an invitation, it is right to communicate that you got the message and explain that you are hurt.

[@lina9535]

Story 1: Just from the title, not really an AH, because you can invite whoever you want (and not invite whoever you want), but it does sound a little strange. I mean, she could either bring her own food, or eat before/after. I'm going with AH. Jane even offered to bring her own food. And if they were so tight-knit as a group at work, I'd imagine the others who were invited would feel bad on Jane's behalf as well

[@namename2040]

In story 2 I'm pretty sure some or all of the kids aren't OPs

[@DaBaseBallZ]

Story 3:People,Whether you're adopted or not. You needn't reconcile or have any connection with any abusers,Even if they are "family",NTA at all Update:You learned valuable lessons,OP 1-Abusive parents never change,2-Your friend is a bad person.

[@MissPumpkin91]

“I didn’t want her to feel excluded, so I excluded her from my wedding”

[@nova3406]

Why would the wife get custody ? Sue has no job and no home lmao

[@a.n4031]

Story 3: I hope OP tells their parents that story in the final update. I'm childfree but I'd drop to my knees and cry happy tears if a child told me something I did was so impactful

[@Jasonfallen71]

Adopted OP: 😭😭😭😭😭 I just can’t with the cutting the Xmas tree and the ornament part… wow. I thought I was the luckiest adopted kid in the world (and I don’t feel differently really) but that story made me extremely emotional 🥹

[@SmileyFace123Lolz]

Me before even listening: 🤣 "I didnt want her to feel left out, so I... *Left her out"* 🤣🤣🤣

[@eldeano9964]

S1: So I was being held accountable for my actions, and as someone who cannot handle consequences, I backtracked hard.

[@taslirawr5500]

Awww the Bonus Story made me tear up. I hear it in Markee's voice too.

[@TikiDragon1]

What kind of person sees their spouse take money out of their shared bank account and put it in another that said person can't access? OP in story 2 is letting his wife walk all over him in that regard, even before he knew their marriage was over

[@cesaravegah3787]

Sharing a space with a gluten free vegan is usually exhausting, I cant imagine catering to one on my wedding.

[@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse]

If you are in the US it’s actually an ADA violation for the venue to refuse outside food if it’s part of allergy or other health accommodations.

[@drimwalkr8923]

There is an art lost in those fairy tales. I use the Inky Boys as my cornerstone for it, because everyone gets hung up on the skin color, but the moral of the story is be careful what you make fun of because you might become it. Replace Moor with cripple; the story holds the same meaning. Many of the Grimm villains are pretty privilege villains. We get hung up on how brutal the German endings are, but it's the same morals. We are often times missing the forest for the trees

[@skyelindsey687]

Against the grain but NTA. People can invite whomever they want to their wedding. Similarly you can decide not to invite someone for the same reason. In fact those that expect an invite and get upset when they don’t get one and then complain verbally about it are TA.

[@alnzr28]

no fr i feel like im taking crazy pills bcs everyone is saying 1st op is TA but i just dont agree. their wedding their decision if they wanna invite jane or not, food restrictions or not

[@SuperYoshi29]

Same. Op should have said for budget reasons they need to restrict the guest list. Limiting headcount due to budget has always been the main reason to limit headcount. It wouldn’t even be a lie, they never needed to specify budget due to food!

[@haydennoble9253]

Story 1: I feel like OP was walking down the road towards a giant orange road sign with flashing lights and he somehow walked right into it and banged his head.

[@humanbeing8948]

Story 1: An apology solved the whole thing? BS.

[@Geli78]

S2: If I won the lottery (& the amount was big enough), my husband knows I would leave & divorce him. And that I will not spilting the 50/50. He KNOWS because we talk about it. We have 3 disable children. Our oldest & youngest (who is still a child) can not take care of themselves & will need life long caretaking. I would set up trusts for all 3 of them (because we live in the US & that $2000 rule). I would also set up a trust for my husband & one for myself. That way he & I will not have to ever work but have time to take better care of ourselves & our kids.

[@yurilookingforhisvictor7674]

Last Story: OP is incredibly lucky. I wish I had something like that with my family. My bio family sucked.

[@gorbachef94]

with the first story, bringing your own food often isnt allowed as if it is contaminated and they get sick they could accuse the establishment of food poisoning. this is coming from a chef of 25 years so yes i know what im talking about

[@Mr.andMrs.Smith_0420]

How can a man have any respect for himself after his wife has an emotional affair, while he's working extra hours to support them no less, let alone asking to open the marriage, and then choses to stay with her?! The relationship should've ended right then and there, grow some balls Op, ffs 🤦‍♀️

[@Masenken]

Lol, that Sleeping beauty reference. There's an Anne Rice novel where the prince does wake her up and then shit goes dark fast

[@jm1670]

Why couldn't Jane just bring her own food? Gotta use your words. YTA.

[@skyelindsey687]

NTA. News flag that people apparently don’t realize, you don’t have to invite everyone to your wedding or any other event. Doesn’t matter the reasoning behind not inviting them.

[@nilianstroy]

I'm confused, when and how do people decide that "it's your wedding your decision..."?

[@skyelindsey687]

Because that only applies for family that you don’t talk to. When it comes to dietary restrictions then the choice is taken away from the couple and “YoU hAAAAve To.”

[@projectjupiter5523]

​@@skyelindsey687you are incorrect. it is the choice of the couple to invite who they want to their wedding but those who aren't invited are absolutely able to express how they feel about it. similar to how freedom of speech does not equal freedom from people's reactions to what you say.

[@frankd5426]

2 GOOD GRIEF...... 4 kids and you 2 adults doing hallucinogenics.... what damn fine upstanding role models you both are.

[@ttjc3696]

Story 2: OP just needs to leave

[@kishaa819]

That last one, I’m over here like, sniffle sniffle, I love my mom 😢

[@nondisclosure3920]

I don't know what's funnier, the idea that anyone would fall for the idea of psychic boob readings, or Markee's reactions throughout this mess 😂

[@judelbugsrutter6727]

I have lots of adopted family...(cousins) and basically adopted uncles (fostered who called their carers [my grandparents]Mum, dad and their kids brother and sister... but due to laws at the time it was not official) but still solid members of our family. I'm so thankful for the 2 ladies who let my aunt and uncle be parents. My uncles stories were a bit different as they were adopted from a workhouse/orphanage type thing as boys, so their mothers I think of often too. They gave special people to us life. My aunt and uncle were so proud to be a mum and dad. So my grandparents and aunt and uncle did all the work of parents... o much work to raise a child. Sacrifice and reward. What I also know is this; pregnancy often changes a person. Their figure for one thing... there may be complications like gestational diabetes during and incontinence during and after. Its not an easy job either. It's pretty much never just 9 months then 'give baby away' and forget. There are exceptions of course... and are labelled egg donors/incubators... most parents, even the bad ones usually want the best for their kids. The bio mom is giving the red flags of egg donor... already using the pressure of getting little bro hyped up to meet him... idk but she seems like the type that would chuck you under the bus for the change in your pockets and OP has something she wants... Maybe if OP sees this he could give her some closure... from a distance like a note that says: Thanks for giving me life, while I wish you would give me the information without strings; all I remembered of life with you is drama and I'm not ok opening that door again. I can't make you turn a page for my younger sibling, but I hope you will.

[@smileyghostkat3068]

Thanks i had trouble focusing when i got up but was able to finish the dishes to this!

[@tinycrimester]

story 3: i think i would rather meet once in person than give a stranger my phone number. who knows what they'll do with it.

[@msredux]

I woulnd't marry a single parent that doesn't work and I would have to support them

[@KariGrafton]

That last story with the Christmas ornament made me 😭😭😭

[@shadowkissed2370]

As a genealogist and search angel, I can say it's your right to know where you come from, and it's also your right to decide if you want to meet your biological parents or not. Likewise, they have the right to choose whether or not they want to meet you. No one else has the right to tell you how you should feel or how you should interact with your biological family.

[@Bucketus.Lord.of.Buckets]

S1 update: it turned into an after-school special

[@shadowpumpkin8019]

my adoptive family sucks, so I'm happy OP has a good one

[@Iflie]

I want Markee to be healthy and happy etc but I do find so much joy in his "Oh Noe!' stories, I'm always smiling when he does that, haha Just a little bit of torture to his poor sensitive soul.

[@maurer3d]

Story 3: NTA, getting a DNA test does not mean you want to reconnect with your Bio family. The fact that this woman is trying to blackmail you into in person meetings to give you basic medical advise is disturbing.. If you want to know why you were removed take the legal route, because chances are your "bio-mom" will lie to you anyway.

[@AmberPoree]

I do feel bad about the coworker not gettong invited, but its kind of entitled to expect an invitation.

[@SingingMermaid4]

OP 1: So, the OP is not ready for adult life. And also, they can invite who they want, quite frankly I don't think it's the other attendees business who made the guest list and why. But the reasoning the OP gives screams missing reasons, and what they give makes them an ah. But Jane isn't also owed an invitation. She and the OP should have had the conversation, but they aren't friends, just co-workers. If some co-workers are invited and others not, there's probably good reason, and it's no one's business. OP sucks, but Jane and the co-workers kinda do too. And they have every right to not be friendly with OP at work due to the choices in attendees of the wedding. Everyone is entitled to feelings, and choices. OP 2: Lord the gaslighting is horrible. They should divorce, this will end so so badly.