I Feel Like Refusing My Last Minute Invitation To My Brother's Wedding r/Relationships

[@owl7072]

Story 1: While Op did a very stupid thing, after five years the family isn't just supporting Evan, they're just outright excluding and bullying Op for something he is already showing remorse for and hasn't done since. _They_ set the precedent, they do _not_ get to have a fit when he respects that and isn't available as a result.

[@jaccat4336]

That’s the thing it’s perfectly reasonable for Evan to not want a relationship with OP. But why is the rest of the family still cutting him off and getting so overly involved? They can have a separate relationship with each of them. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@jodieg6318]

OP kept defining his family exiles as "bounderies" those weren't boundaries that Evan and family were enforcing it was straight up coddling, especially after 5 years and new partner in his life, I would be telling him to grow the fuck up and get over it at that point.

[@Mimino55-y5k]

Yep, his father is the real ah here. OP will be excluded just as easily next time something comes up. But he seems to be used to that family dynamic. Then again OP is a shitass.

[@Deedoof]

Story 2: Heterochromia is so beautiful, and a _harmless_ mutation. OP needs to show his mom all the supermodels with heterochromia and articles about how people pay money to have HIS eyes!

[@narliehs1648]

The heterochromia in itself is harmless, but it's not always caused by a mutation, harmless or otherwise. Sometimes, it's the result of injury or a medical condition. Sounds like OP has the more common version, though, of it being a mutation. I'm not surprised this is a thing in his home country, though. As he said, it's largely homogenous, so people who stand out in any way are sadly often seen as "less than" for not conforming to the norm. Indeed, it wouldn't surprise me if people thought he was wearing contacts for "attention" or whatever just to prove how "different" he was since he lives abroad. Many aren't even aware that heterochromia even exists, and he's likely already seen as something of an "outsider" due to the aforementioned abroad status, his mixed race and the fact that he's adopted. His eye color is likely just the first, most visible thing that people like OP's mom latch onto as a problem.

[@melsehh]

It is harmless, my two white boxers had heterochromia. And my current doggo has it, too! It comes in different forms, my two boxer babies had split heterochromia; one half of the iris blue and the other half brown. And my current has a corner that's blue in her brown iris. It is a beautiful feature.

[@squash6497]

Right? Heterochromia is so cool and beautiful, why would the parents want to hide it? It's so far from a flaw!

[@twentyfiveyears5010]

Story 1 just reinforces one of the Rules of Life I have learned from Reddit: Weddings, birthday parties, baby showers, etc. are NOT the place to settle grudges, hope for reconciliation, come out, announce your engagement or pregnancy, etc. If the family--including Evan--wanted to reconcile with OP, the way to do it is start WAY before the wedding so that things are resolved one way or the other by the time the wedding comes. It's similar with the recent story about the OP whose fiance who wanted her family who HATED OP to move in with them, thinking it would "put them on the path to reconciliation." No, first you reconcile, THEN (if reconciliation happens) you talk about moving them in.

[@Floratic]

What?! I gotta find that story.

[@Raaslen]

Story 1: NTA, OP is simply respecting the family boundaries, they can't exclude him and also expect him to stand by in case they decide to lift said boundarie. And honestly? While I understand Evan hating OP, being excluded from the family because he slept with his EX-GIRLFRIEND is too much, some backleash is understandable and Evan not forgiving him is ok, but the family is behaving like he cheated with her, and that's not at all what happened.

[@mindyschocolate]

Exactly! They weren’t even together when he slept with her. What a bizarre family. I don’t think they’re worth it.

[@AM-cv9fi]

Yeah I thought the punishment was too harsh too. They had been broken up a month by then and the brother didn't want to move on but clearly SHE did. Edit: Them sleeping together was in bad taste but not immoral as both OP and her were consenting single adults capable of making their own choices.

[@walle5667]

​@@mindyschocolateNo. What's bizarre is that with a gazillion people in the world your BROTHER can't seem to find any other person to sleep with other than the one you had a relationship with AND are still upset over for having it end. THAT'S bizarre. You just don't get involved with your family's exes/ partners/ love interests etc. You just don't. The family reacted right and he is lucky they haven't all cut him off completely. He would not be the AH if he didn't cancel his trip, though. Justin was unreasonable to react that harshly, but I reckon he was super excited to have both his brothers at his wedding and then his hopes were crushed immediately. He gets a pass for this.

[@jodieg6318]

Hooking up with a siblings ex is a shitty thing to do but she was an EX, and the family did complicated trigonometry so they didn't so much as clap eyes on each other? Put on your big boy pants and either talk it out or deal with it.

[@Raaslen]

@@walle5667 I agree that it's shitty to sleep with an ex of the family, my problem with the situation is that they are all acting like he set the family dog on fire. He did a shitty thing, yes, but not THAT shitty, the family could have hold OP accountable for his actions without effectively exiling him from gatherings.

[@SnowyWolborg]

Story #1: NTA. OP has already acknowledged that he is the family outsider, due to his own fault. OP could not have been expected to think Evan would change his mind out of nowhere when the pattern is already long established that he's not invited if Evan is present. Regardless of what OP did wrong, his life does not run by other people's schedule or changing whims.

[@Ravenishish]

Yeah, dude was exiled and the thought that he'd be hanging around for table scraps of attention rather than disconnecting and taking care of himself.

[@SnowyWolborg]

@@Ravenishish It reminds me of a story that was on this channel a couple months ago. A guy had an addiction problem and made trouble for his family with it, along with stealing, Etc. When he finally got clean, his family kicked him out, specifically after he'd paid them back. 10+ years later, his family decided that he had been on punishment long enough, but then had to nerve to act offended that he did not want to come back to them, because at this point, he was already married with his own family. Point is, people's lives ultimately move on.

[@thebladeofchaos]

Story 1 feels like they're trying to make it a solid 'you're not part of the family'. it's not about saving face, if it were they'd have made the invite before then, it's about putting the final nail in the coffin of their relationship. he's in EUROPE, it would have been known for the longest time, and they've made it clear that they choose Evan every time. the guy is the family outsider. It feels all too much like the family saw a chance to nail this and not for OP's benefit. Justin wanted him there, but made it a do or die. Evan is right to feel betrayed, and he's not the ahole here. everyone else apart from Evan and OP are the aholes. they knew the entire situation, even what OP was up to.

[@lisadgingersnaps9843]

The differences in countries. Heterochromia is so cool and beautiful to most Americans.

[@botanyblack9826]

agreed. I was thinking, why hide it. I think is so unique and beautiful... but then different countries

[@franciebelcher4594]

S2. I'm glad OP made a boundary. I can't imagine being so hung up on other ppls opinions to the point of forcing my child 2 wear contacts! So sad

[@kaidrazarc8000]

S1 sounds like family were setting OP up to fail they realised that Dads only bio son not being present is a bad look to the extended family So they invited OP when they knew he couldn't make it being in another country at the time & 2 days before so technically he could make it back intime but gives family great excuse "We invited OP but he'd rather be in Europe alone than with his family"

[@susankaempfer8427]

I feel like op really needs some outside perspective on this. How long are they going to keep punishing him for taking an interest in someone Evan was through with? They’re seriously going to shun him for life for this?

[@ruthsaunders9507]

@@susankaempfer8427 He wasn't through with her, she was through with him. Besides, you don't f around with siblings exes. That's just gross.

[@LadyWolvie82]

​@@ruthsaunders9507 - part of the mess is on Evan, though. I had to look up one of the comments to where OP revealed that after Evan & ex broke up, OP did his best to comfort Evan about the breakup. Evan's reply was along the lines of OP not knowing how it is to be with one like Evan's ex for so long (which could be an indicator of other and/or hidden issues). OP only slept with the ex out of retaliation to Evan's reply. Two wrongs don't make a right.

[@eri-chan1943]

Wait, I thought that OP had slept with the gf while she was dating step-bro but it was after they broke up? And he's acting like OP broke up an entire marriage and stole all his money?

[@ashutoshverma237]

That's still betrayal

[@des5011]

​@@ashutoshverma237 I agree, but it is definitely lesser then what the original post seems to imply

[@diamcole]

Still a betrayal but honestly, I would have just cut ties with him and kept it moving. There would never have been an opportunity for him to be at the wedding in the first place.

[@eri-chan1943]

Yeah it’s still betrayal but the way they punished him was so disproportionate. Like, imagine every single event he had to miss out on over the years because of it. He missed out on so much precious family time and they weren’t even dating.

[@locusxe1411]

⁠@@eri-chan1943I don’t know if I agree personally. Idk if it was stated how king they were together but if they were together for a ling time and op slept with her soon after the break up I don’t blame them. He did it to himself

[@jakeking3859]

When Evan got mad and was like "all that trouble I went through to convince him to let you come" I was like - "Oh, so he DOESN'T want OP there." And then that update immediately after...oh, boy, I sense this is going south very quickly. Weddings are rarely the time or place to have family reunions after big hurts, and this certainly seems like a big hurt, and like it's not going to go well. Let them have their wedding, and if they want to catch up later, they should do that.

[@ruthsaunders9507]

#1. He ruined the family dynamic and has been respectful of the boundaries that have been set. Its wild that they'd be upset when they didn't tell him the plan till the last minute though.

[@agentzapdos4960]

S2: OP should pull some malicious compliance and wear bright red Sharingan contact lenses.

[@KazumiKiguma]

I need more info from story 1: Why'd they break up? What kind of personality is OP? Why was he in contact with the ex? Had he shown some interest in her? Cause ngl if bro cheated or pissed her off enough and that's why they broke up, I wouldn't be surprised if she used him to get back at him.

[@randalthor741]

Heterochromia isn't a flaw, it's awesome! I'd wager there are a hell of a lot more people out there who think it looks great than there are who think it's a flaw.

[@tigernotwoods914]

It’s is a flaw technically. It just happens to look amazing but that doesn’t make it not a flaw. A flaw is just a deviation from the norm.

[@randalthor741]

@@tigernotwoods914 no, a flaw isn't just a deviation from the norm, a flaw is a weakness or imperfection. Heterochromia doesn't affect vision in any way, so it's not a weakness or imperfection any more than some other purely cosmetic deviation from the norm, like red hair.

[@vampire9545]

They were thinking,.oh well they're NOT getting back together so free game Wearing contacts isn't a compromise

[@kaykay8855]

Story 2: Heterochromia is a very harmless and beautiful mutation. Op shouldn’t have to hide herself, but I understand her wearing contacts at the wedding. It sucks.

[@OmgaCuteCatPic]

If they really wanted to make amends and not just save face, they could've waited 10 days and let him enjoy the vacation.

[@mimi.dixon.b]

I think the fact that op was remorseful about sleeping with his brothers ex/has respected boundaries every since definitely puts him in a more favorable light, it’s nice that he recognizes that his actions were not ok -many others who do that to their friends or siblings don’t see the issue with it CaUsE yoU wErE BRokEn up!!!!

[@taylorslade961]

Story 2: Heterochromia is not a flaw. Its actually really cool looking. What the hell is wrong with the mom? Edit: How come no one is telling OP to go NC with her toxic and emotionally abusive mother? Because that's what's happening here. Also, she needs to stop referring to her eye color as a "condition". Her pigmentation went a little silly, that's all.

[@NoOne-fo1di]

Does anyone else wish they could have 2 different color eyes? I've always thought that was so cool. I've only met 1 person who had it in my 38 years, and he had 1 green and 1 eye that kind of changed between hazel and sort of blue depending on the light. He was embarrassed by it when he came to our school in 8th grade and seemed really surprised that we thought it was cool. He said they made fun of him at his old school and wanted to get contacts before coming to our school, but he couldn't stand the feeling of them. I was the first to notice and our first meeting went like this after introductions and he noticed me notcing them and said "I have heterochromia" and I was like what's that and he said "what you're looking at" and I said "that's the coolest fucking thing I've ever seen" and he looked skeptical and I turned in my seat and called to another friend and was like check this out (yes I know this was a dick move I'm hindsight but didn't realize at the time) and before the new kid said anything my friend said the same thing i did and we all marveled at it. During lunch he sat with us and we didn't bring it up again until he told us that he got bullied for it at his old school and another guy said "if anyone fucks with you over it let me know and I'll make sure they have 2 different colored eyes too". He told me a few weeks later that until that lunch he thought we might try to pull a long con and turn on him. When we went to his house a few weeks later his parents thanks the 3 of us for helping him get his self confidence back and not be embarrassed by his eyes.

[@tayflowers13]

Having two different color eyes is one the most attractive traits ever, and its not even that common to see. If it was me I would show them up so much.

[@NinjaNanya]

But I am scared! If only my Auzzy Hubby Markee could hug me while I do all those youtube things that help the channel. But sadly he's still in Gitmo. Miss him bunches. But luckily I can hear his voice almost every day so that's nice.

[@kr0gan105]

S2: different coloured eyes sound insanely awesome. Like some husky dogs 😂😂

[@mbyerly9680]

Maybe his family didn't tell him the complete truth about his heritage. Woof!

[@teddychu1177]

Story 2: Not sure which Asian culture consistently perpetuates this hubris... but they need to start embracing differences and stop chasing "Perfection" That said... a lot of Western families also try to chase a similarly difficult "Happy Family" illusion, so it's not just the former that has the issue... People just need to stop being so judgemental of each other... SMH

[@jeanninelockridge5235]

NTA. I don't understand the problem. Yes OP slept with his brother's ex but he didn't cause the break up. They had ended things already. Why would he cut him out of his life for so long? I've never understood that way of thinking. If he didn't cause the break up then the ex was a free agent so she could date whomever she pleased. Including OP.

[@leahkent3915]

It said that the stepbrother had been dating the ex for 5 years, was madly in love with her, and at the time OP hooked up with her his brother was trying for reconciliation and getting back together.

[@LadyWolvie82]

​@@leahkent3915- OP replied to a comment of what started the mess (had to look it up), and part of it is on Evan. After Evan & ex broke up, OP did his best to comfort Evan about the situation, to which Evan made a sparky reply along the lines that OP never had a SO like his ex (in the realm of duration of relationship). OP retaliated by sleeping with Evan's ex. A simple case of two wrongs don't make it right.

[@dead_vibes]

Story 2: what type anime is this? We must hide the child with different eyes away from the world!

[@wyvern723]

Story 2: hetachromia is striking anf beautiful. How horrible that OP must hide it to conform.

[@midnight3110]

Story 2: not the ahole my daughter has 2 different eye colors her right eye has brown and green it’s half and half and then her left is fully green I love it it makes her so unique ❤

[@joestrada-dk4sl]

I wouldn't have come, if they wanted me there they would have invited me from the start.

[@GBunnyG]

Story 2: I think heterochromia is so gorgeous, and I'm jealous of everyone who has it.

[@VidGirl88]

Story 1: Optics, like the family realized how bad it would look to have OP not there for the ex thing. OP being the bad guy for respecting boundaries 5 years later. Family therapy exists for a reason!

[@WitikoAmor]

The heterochromia thing: My opinion is they dont want you at the wedding they want a version they wish you were. So no I wouldn't compromise on this. Shes the AH to her self. If not now, when? There's never a right time. Next time will be next time then next time.

[@Iflie]

It is kind of important for the husband's family to know as maybe their child will also have some version of this and they can react negatively about things being hidden from them. I thought the blue eyes are often associated with something that can also cause deafness and blond streaks in their hair.

[@19nmiller1]

Story 1: This story shows the direct consequences of the Reddit mantra of "cut everyone out entirely at the smallest offense." If Evan posted from his POV, everyone would say he has the right idea and the family is in the right for icing him out. I completely disagree that the family was in the right for disregarding a family member for *5 years* maybe a couple months to let things cool off, but they've missed out on a good portion of OPs life for a feud between brothers

[@RazorRyan100]

Redditors are bitter, and hateful creatures who generally have terrible relationships with their families. They want everyone to be miserable like them, this is why they always push for no contact because concepts like forgiveness are alien to them and cannot comprehend having a good relationship with family.

[@jaccat4336]

True, the brothers didn’t have to have a relationship after that. But the entire family completely cutting OP off until the brother forgave him was wrong. They could have had an agreement to not invite him for like a year and then just not interact with each at family gatherings. The family showing support is good but they got way too involved.

[@randomusername3873]

"smallest offence"

[@jodieg6318]

This is serious case of 'put on your big boy pants and deal it.' OP hooked up with an ex, he didn't set his brother's dog on fire and the family and Reddit acts like its a betrayal worthy of John Wick.

[@RazorRyan100]

@@randomusername3873 While this wasn't necessarily a small offense, many reddit stories result in people getting cut off by the most minor infractions. As I said in my deleted comment, Redditors are bitter and sad so they want everyone to be bitter and sad with them.

[@lina9535]

Story 1: NTA Also Justin pretty much emotionally manipulated OP to attend the wedding with the whole "I'll never talk to you again if you don't come" bs. The punishment has gone on for enough time already. I get that Evanis angry, but it was his EX, and the whole "bro code/girl code" doesn't exist anyway. For some people it's not an ok move, and for others it is. Once someone is your ex, you have no claim on them, even if you still love them, they are their own person, and I doubt OP coerced her into sleeping with him. She made that decision as well, yet I doubt Evan hates her guts for it. She isn't something he ownes, which is kind of how I see it when people get upset if their ex sleeps with someone they know. I wouldn't care if a friend or family member did that to me, because I don't own my ex, regardless of how long I was with them.

[@ComaLies225]

Story 2: NTA. Also I have a friend who has Heterochromia and it’s soooo freaking cool!

[@mimiwhite1963]

Story 1 O His Dad is horrible. He doesn't get to go if if his step brother goes, his family made a choice. They are totally wrong the way they treated him about the wedding. He was respecting boundaries.He should not have gone to that wedding. 5 years his Dad has treated him like this. I don't know why he wants a relationship. It was a crap thing to do but they were broken up not married. And he didn't stay with her etc. Personally I would be no contact with all of them. He made a mistake, acknowledged it , respected boundaries etc I think they. Just wanted to look good in public because if any of them actually cared about OP this would not have gone on for 5 years. As for the Dad I would not speak to him after that phone call, he went too far. That was not love.

[@shadowflame2247]

Great video as always, love hearin these while doin stuff like cleaning, or cooking, etc. Fantastic as normal :D

[@rhondasisco-cleveland2665]

Seems like everyone missed the part where Justin said he spent a ton of time convincing Evan. He always wanted OP there. He worked for this. Justin was so upset BECAUSE it was SO IMPORTANT & he was crushed. Probably because he had only the ONE day, to have the emotional leverage to get them together, hoping they would mend fences. Not obvious?

[@TheLugiaSong]

Heterochromia is _so cool_ , I always wish I had it and every time I see it I'm like wow that's so cool. So strange to hear that some people don't like it, but I suppose mindlessly conforming is certainly a cultural thing even when it makes no sense...

[@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64]

It was refreshing to hear about a post where a) the family sides with the wronged party instead of the offender and b) and OP that has taken accountability for their mistakes and accept that they were in the wrong. And to top it off the update was superb. Initially my vote was bordering on ESH once I heard the part of the cousin calling and how the cousin threatened to drop OP. It had me thinking that there was something OP was hiding or omitting that would’ve caused him to lose more family members. Maybe OP wasn’t being forward with his past behavior or had a history or something that would cause the cousin, who doesn’t have much skin in the game, to drop OP, but I was wrong. OP accepted he wouldn’t have been welcomed at the wedding and with such a late invite OP had every right to not go. It was Justin’s wedding after all, don’t know why he thought he needed permission from Even to invite OP, but regardless everything turned out well in the end.

[@TrulySilentLie]

How was Evan the wronged party for "read notes" OP having sex with Evan's ex a month after their break up? How does it make sense to exile your child because they had sex with their brother's ex, even if close after their break up? The punishment just doesn't seem to fit the "crime"

[@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64]

@@TrulySilentLieEvan was very clearly not over the break up and was still holding out hope that he and ex would get back together. Some people can’t just get over a five year long relationship at the blink of an eye and may take months to grieve the loss of the relationship. And personally, I know a lot of people don’t see at that way, sleeping with a sibling’s ex is a gross and scummy thing to do. I agree that the punishment was disproportionate to the crime and I forgot to elaborate on that. Evan could stay mad for as long as he wanted but the family went along with it for far too long.

[@TrulySilentLie]

Yeah Evan I can agree more with, but keeping his resentment for 5 years, at that point he's just feeding his hate and it's unhealthy

[@ruthsaunders9507]

@@TrulySilentLie The brother proved he's not one to be trusted. Some things you don't come back from.

[@LadyWolvie82]

I did a little digging of the comments of both posts, and Evan had a role in the mess. How? It was after the breakup happened where OP did his best to comfort Evan about the matter. How did Evan reply? A snarky one along the lines of OP not knowing how it is to be with a SO like Evan's ex for 5 years, a possible indicator of other/hidden issues. In the end, the only reason why OP slept with the ex was out of retaliation. Evan might have taken a jab of OP's lifestyle at that point with the reply to damage OP's self-esteem/confidence with that and not realize it. Two wrongs don't make a right.

[@DragonflyandTheWolf]

Regardless of how justified the family is to be mad at OP for what he did to his brother, no one can reasonably expect to invite someone to a wedding at last minute and think they will be one hundred percent capable of accepting the invitation. Also its entirely possible Evan was just as guilted as OP was by their brother into issuing the invitation. Its possible Evan would rather eat glass than invite OP, but Justin and the rest of the family might have issued him an ultimatum just like in other reddit posts we've seen over and over again in aita.

[@crawdaddy2004]

4:13 For very “JUSTINFIED reasons.” 😂

[@keilyshinra2492]

S2: inagine if the OP has so wthinf that couksbt be hidden, like a need for a wheelchair. Nta. This is not a flaw, but truly a beautiful trait.

[@Ecclectic_citcelccE]

S2: I agree to keep the peace one last time for his sister's sake. After the wedding OP should show his mother a color photo of David Bowie, the most recognized and popular person I know of with heterochromia. Mother is old enough to at least have heard of him. Also sometimes when you have striking features promoting whispers and looks, it's probably out of admiration and they are intimidated in the way one would be when deciding to approach a famous person. 🤷

[@jgw5491]

David Bowie didn't actually have heterochromia. He had an eye condition where one pupil was permanently dilated (anisocoria) which made his irises seem to be different colors. But yes, him having different eyes and people still admiring his good looks shows that for most people different looking eyes isn't a problem, at least in the West.

[@NoRegretsHomestuck]

Every day Markee is getting closer and closer to one million subs and I simply cannot express the joy that brings me

[@alexbodi5526]

He’s so close!

[@lorifiedler13]

But weddings shouldn't be used for reconciliation any more than for big announcements; engagement, pregnancy, coming out.

[@LokisWitch]

1) not the Ah. For hell, they asked him last minute. It is not his job to let others know every last thing they do. -_- the brother that was mad at him for the ex thing, she was his ex. She did not belong to him. She can sleep with whatever person she liked. Not your fault he mad that she didn't love him back. So I don't think it is fair or justified in the end. The family just saving face, but yea.

[@SiFireHasSpeed]

Ok I’m confused why the hell everyone is upset with OP like the brother has “ownership” over the girlfriend after she broke up with him. They were done, it seems illogical to still hold feelings after that. Maybe that’s just my lack of emotional intelligence lmao.

[@dementedqueen4392]

Oh thank you!!! I was so tired of this thread. Maybe she really wanted it. Maybe he did too. His brother and her were broken up. Evan does NOT own the Ex. There was no cheating. Was it a shitty thing to do (sleep with the Ex that Evan still loved)? Sure. But was it worth BANISHMENT from the entire family?!?! NO! And yes, Evan does not own his Ex. I get so third of treating people, who are not attached, as property on Reddit.

[@randomusername3873]

​@@dementedqueen4392not wanting someone that sleeps with your ex the moment you break up around had nothing to do with ownership And does Op own the brother that he's not allowed to cut him off?

[@dementedqueen4392]

@@randomusername3873 That's not the right take. I said it was a shitty thing that OP did. And Evan can most certainly cut off OP for it. And he did. I'm upset the whole family did this though. And the OP took his banishment like a champ. And he didn't try to crash the wedding. He just assumed he wasn't invited like any normal person would. Then THEY call him on his trip and tell him if he doesn't come he's out of the family. Which, he thought he already was. Sorry, but OP was the AH in the beginning but now this is on everyone else.

[@OmgaCuteCatPic]

Dibs! I met her 1st so no one I know is allowed to date her after we break up is such a bazaar thought process. They could have been the love of a lifetime but no, brother called dibs. Sliding doors... Its a shame OP didn't meet her 1st. Plot twist- Ex shows up at the wedding and says they can't get married because the wife was her cousin. Dibs! Ridiculous.😮‍💨

[@loganjoh1]

Ok I originally thought Even and his ex were still together when OP slept with her but no they had already broken up. Still a crappy thing to do but honestly I don’t think that’s bad enough to basically be permanently only be invited to family events if Even doesn’t want to go they should be civil enough to be in the same room and it not cause a scene. Also this wasn’t Even’s wedding it was Justin’s the fact he waited until 2 days before to invite OP is scummy.

[@gilzineto]

For the second story id wear the contacts but would also come in wearing a David Bowie shirt with the suit, one with his whole face init and that you could see the two different eye color... F* you old people! (I know David doesnt have Heterochromia by the way...)

[@RavenLunacy44]

Wear the contacts...but make both your eyes blue😂

[@TrulySilentLie]

Story 1, so the bro code is apparently so holy now that a man who breaks the bro code (sleeping with a brother's ex for clarity) is doomed to eternal exile from the family whenever the brother who was wronged is gonna attend? So many people in the comments acted as if OP had taken responsibility for like a serious crime or something, adding on to the rigorous belief OP seems to have about the bro code. I would understand going no contact with a brother if he had sex with a partner while they're still together, cheating is inexcusable, but they were broken up, that is just the brother taking out all his anger and grief about the break up on OP. I bet the brother was the root cause of the breakup

[@LadyWolvie82]

A good point. I had to dig up varying comments on both posts and part of it is on Reddit. What caused the mess was after Evan & ex split up, OP did his best to comfort Evan. It was Evan who made a snarky reply of along the lines that OP doesn't know how to be with one for 5 years (Evan's ex), a potential indicator of other and/or hidden issues that has yet to show itself. OP slept with the ex out of retaliation to Evan's reply. Two wrongs don't make a right in my opinion.

[@vidhead85]

LC Brother: NTA. I hate how people want to be all big happy family at these events. Weddings and holidays aren't the time to flesh out things. I'm glad it ended uo well but the family needs to apologize to OP.

[@KiraNazena]

In Asia he is "flawed", in Europe he gets scouted for modeling. People are weird. I'm wearing contacts for sight correction and absolutely love them, but it was very difficult in the beginning. Took at least half a year to het completely used to them to a point I don't notice them at all. If you only wear them on occasion they are very uncomfortable. Also the dyed ones aren't to healthy as they are often not as breathable as the normal ones. I looked them once up for fun, but it's just not worth it

[@3ratsinatrenchcoat]

with story 1, maybe its cause Im aromantic, but being that upset over an ex makes no sense to me... like it was a month later, you arent together, why does it matter?? 💀

[@kateworkman921]

Wait, so OP sleeps with his step brother's *EX* girlfriend, and this somehow means that because his step brother can't handle that, OP is banned from anything to do with the family forever more, since the step brother gets invited first?? OP's family sucks, and he doesn't even realize it. He's just so used to and accepting of a frankly abusive situation where they get to treat him like crap, and he just has to accept it because of nothing more than imagined past slights.

[@FanFicnic]

Ok but now I need a Drama with a handsome intimidating lead with heterochromia. Who turns out to be a cinnamon roll and the apple of his dad’s eye.

[@Ace_AloneWolf]

Re: the heterochromia story. Wear a blue contact over the brown eye😂. In reality though. A wedding is not the place to dig up this hill to die on. Just wear a brown contact over the blue eye❤

[@nathanpond27]

6:15 I heavily disagree with this comment. Justin wanted Evan as his best man and he probably threatened to back out of the wedding if OP was coming so instead of making OP feel bad that Justin’s brother wasn’t going to come because of him, he wanted to try to convince him to let OP come.

[@league-of-shadows]

I feel bad for OP2 but the sister’s wedding isn’t the place to stand their ground because clearly their mom has her boot on the sister’s neck about perfection so she’s got enough to deal with.

[@yahainHotPink]

Thank you Markee

[@jodieg6318]

Story 1: everyone in this story needs to put on their big boy pants and grow the fuck up. Including Reddit. Is Hooking up with your siblings ex a shifty thing to do? Yes. A betrayal on par with sleeping with your siblings spouse or stealing the family business? No. Sorry, but no. She was an ex and OP took accountability for it. But being iced out by the whole family and doing complicated trigonometry to make sure that the two are not even in the same room together? There's boundaries and then there's coddling, especially after 5 years and a new partner.

[@trillionbones89]

Heterochromia is not a flaw. Refuse.

[@mrjohnthedestroyer]

If you slept with current or freshly Ex knowing my feelings I would NEVER forgive. You have one chance to do the obvious right thing. If I was the friend in Europe & you split on me & I'd be pissed also

[@pinkykaur6821]

its like the op of the first story wanted you to read the story lol!

[@ariannawhite2844]

Story 1: I’m pretty firmly in ESH (but glad for the happy update). You don’t get to manage other people’s reactions to malicious actions you perpetrated against them, no matter the time. I agree that it was inconsiderate for them to ask him to drop his plans at such a late date but this was very VERY obviously an olive branch and, had he not taken it, the fallout would have been deserved. I won’t excuse someone from bearing the consequences of their actions, it is not up to OP when and how his brother forgives him. And frankly, the choice he made to basically sacrifice his brothers feelings for his own nut kind of puts in perspective that his brother(s) wouldn’t exactly go out of their way to make his path to forgiveness easy. Anyone saying NTA has clearly never been severely and intentionally harmed by a family member who wants to sweep the whole thing under the rug. This is exactly how this reunion should have gone, and in the end it sounds like everyone feels heard and respected again so I’m very glad of that.

[@sfsin3380]

I disagree that its an obvious olive branch. Had Evan called that would be an olive branch. This screamed family pressuring Op and Evan into doing something that will only breed more resentment. It seems very likly that Justin pulled the same manipulative do what I want or ill never forgive you BS (and not toothless threat either given how they treated OP) on Evan that he did on Op.

[@kaidrazarc8000]

The Olive branch was more than inconsiderate It'd be one thing to ask OP not to book a holiday or keep the date free cause he MIGHT get an invite but to expect him to drop everything last minute when he's not even on the same continent? Luckily it turned out well but honestly seemed like they were setting OP up to failure & gives em a good excuse as to why OP isn't there to save face "We tried to invite OP but he'd rather go on holiday, he really is a bad egg"

[@LadyWolvie82]

If you dug up the actual story, Evan played a role in the root cause of the mess. After the breakup, OP did his best to comfort Evan about it. Evan was an AH for his reply to that by saying something along the lines that OP doesn't know how it feels to be in a relationship with Evan's ex for 5 years. One shouldn't shun others for their lifestyle choices if they're trying to be a decent human being to be there for you in your time of need. OP only slept with the ex out of retaliation. That being said, two wrongs don't make a right.

[@heyitsrae5407]

Back in the basement box I see 😂❤

[@lizartfight9157]

for you, im at work and bored out of my mind. but! your videos make it all the easier

[@Markee]

Thank you so much! 🥰

[@lorifiedler13]

Dude should start wearing sunglasses or tinted lenses all the time. Skip the contacts.

[@secretskull21]

So here’s the thing… How much time needs to pass before it’s cool for an ex to get with your sibling? Or does dating a person disable their ability to get with anyone else in that person’s family/friend group? Because everyone is hung up on the fact that the dude was “still in love with her”, but he could have still been in love with her for the rest of his life, that doesn’t mean she can’t go and do her own shit. I don’t say this to be insensitive, I’m sure I would be destroyed if the girl I loved went and got with my brother before I got over her, I’m just asking what’s the moral amount of time.

[@obarthelemy]

I wish I were hetero... oh, that hetero... well, that too.

[@rubymeaddle]

I wonder if the gf dumped stepbro for being immature because five years is ridiculous

[@dm9078]

Story two what kind of bass awkward plays does OP family live in?

[@lorifiedler13]

My guess is somewhere in Asia.

[@dvonart]

Is op supposed tonwait on standby lol?

[@tartlynerdy]

Story 1 - Op has plenty to complain about because this is really stupid. Op is taking way too much blame here for the fallout of the family dynamic. Evan broke up with his girlfriend. It doesn't matter if he was still in his feelings about her. SHE clearly didn't feel the same way or SHE wouldn't have moved on so fast with his brother. I can understand being uncomfortable and not as close as they used they used to be. However, being completely shut out of the family for five years is an over the top reaction. Secondly, they waited until THE LAST MINUTE to give op an invite. That tells me that the family was going to completely blindside Evan at his own wedding and guess who would have gotten all of the blame?? I feel sorry for Evan's future wife being ignorant of the fact Evan is still holding a grudge over something that happened with his ex-girlfriend. Justin has good reason to feel upset. He feels like his efforts were wasted and disrespected. However. He's behaving like a brat. He should respect the fact op is respectful to boundaries. He doesn't understand that getting an invite from a third party isn't the same as being invited by the host. Op would be considered a party crasher. Lastly, The ending of this story surprised me. Story 2 - NTA. I've heard if a lot cruel and stupid things that happen before or during a wedding. This qualifies as stupid and very cruel. Should op apologize for being born this way? Maybe op should wear a bag over his face for his sister's baby shower. Just, wow. Op's mom is a twat. Anyone that acts like her is also a twat.

[@terramarini6880]

Justin was the one getting married, Evan was the offended brother who was being a prat about OP being at Justins wedding. The invite was direct from groom but ungraciously very, very late. something I would have a hard time forgiving honestly because Europe would be a once in a lifetime thing for me and this would have deprived me of that forever, for one event, how do we know it doesn't go back to status quo once he's served his purpose as a prop to the solid family appearance. I don't have the funds to just casually blow on multiple flights to the same far a way place in the space of a couple days, most people don't.

[@NathanielTavington]

Wait so... OP slept with his brother's Ex AFTER they were broken up... and he basically gets cut out of the family for it??? Women aren't property! The choice to sleep together was mutual! She's not a pair of shoes that you can get mad at someone for wearing when you're not using them! The relationship was OVER. No, Evan does NOT have the right to be mad! Both of those brothers are complete a-holes and are bullying and manipulating OP. Also if Evan is so entitled as to cut off his brother for sleeping with an ex to the point of keeping OP from being invited to family events, no wonder she dumped him.

[@draughtoflethe]

It's not about anyone being property, it's about choosing to further hurt someone who's already hurting. Even OP knows he was out of line in sleeping with a woman who'd just broken up with his brother while his brother was still hurting from it -- not because Evan had any sort of "claim" on this woman, but because as his brother, OP is supposed to not want to cause needless pain to Evan. Whether the family was overly harsh with OP over it or not merits discussion, but yes, Evan absolutely had a right to be mad, because OP chose having sex over not hurting Evan. It's to OP's credit that he recognizes this and doesn't try to excuse his past actions.

[@catsncrows]

S1 Why do I have so little faith in people, I thought it would be a chance to rage guilt dogpile on op? Like it's a trap! (Yes he did something awful and stupid)

[@EmiriTsukiyo]

Hey you reading this... . . . Couch

[@petitmains]

Ain't stepbro getting married? If I were the bride to be I'd be straight pissed. "So he slept with an *ex girlfriend* when she was already an ex? And youre marrying me and you're still boiling over this shit? I cannot."

[@jaiwolph3685]

I'm confused about the story with the brothers. Unless he slept with the ex while she was still in a relationship with the brother, I don't really understand the whole issue. I mean I understand it'd hurt the brother a bit, but like- they were broken up with? I kept hearing "betrayal" in the story and comments but I don't really understand how. They weren't together. He can't lay claim on her. She can sleep with/get together with anyone she wants as a single woman. I'm also Neuro divergent so maybe something isn't clicking right for me.

[@OmgaCuteCatPic]

No, you are right. You're smarter than a lot of people in the post. 😊 You understand how it's supposed to be, unfortunately not how these people think.

[@davidlionheart2438]

Story 2 - OK, tell me again how Asian culture isn't toxic.

[@tuckersontim]

I can not comprehend why anyone would bend over backwards for people that have basically disowned you for 5+ years. 2 days before the the wedding they call you and get mad at you that you had no plans to attend a wedding that you weren't even invited too. I would have told all of them that this is a discussion that needed to happen months ago, heck even weeks ago for you to consider attending.

[@meagancall5005]

Story 1: Going against the grain here, but I think this was an ESH. Yeah, Justin and the family were obviously unreasonable in their response... but, "I didn't tell Justin or our parents, because there was no need to bring it up." That's frankly ridiculous. This is arguably the biggest event in your brother's life, and the adult thing to do is to communicate clearly about your place in it. This all could have been avoided by OP saying from the start: "Hey, I love you and I'm so happy for you. I just want to give you a heads up that I'm going to plan a trip during this period so there's no chance I'll accidentally cause any uncomfortable situations. Can we get together sometime before or after so I can buy you a drink (or other celebratory meeting)?" Because it seemed like OP considered his relationship with Justin to be pretty strong and close at this point. I don't think he had anyway of predicting or knowing that Justin was quietly working on their other brother in the background to get him to agree to a peace treaty during the ceremony. However, I *do* think it would be entirely reasonable to have expected Justin to reach out in SOME manner, either for support or just reaffirming their connection, and I feel like it would be a huge slap in the face if, say, he wanted to grab lunch in the week before his wedding to make sure he sees his brother before this HUGE life event, just to find out right then that brother is in another country with zero notice. That's not some rare far-fetched "what-if" scenario... something similar was LIKELY to happen. There is no reason this shouldn't have been communicated ahead of time. Even with a universal unspoken agreement that OP wouldn't be going to the wedding, it's understandable that the brother would be hurt that OP vanished without mentioning anything about it.

[@terramarini6880]

I don't check in with my brother when I plan a trip, we are adults, he sees the pics on FB like everyone else and we're close. If I was in this situation, I would not have said anything about the trip for fear of accusations of emotional manipulation to force an invite. This was a lose-lose situation for him considering he was in none of the loops, bro should have told him as soon as the invites were out that he was working on it and hopes he saves the date just in case. Brother and fam had no right to make demands of him here and one of them (Dad, cause he let this crap go on so long) better have paid for the return airfare.

[@jaccat4336]

If it was any other type of event, I would agree. But with a wedding if it’s a few days before, and you still haven’t been officially invited it’s reasonable to assume you won’t be at all. Especially after 5 years of not being invited to things.

[@meagancall5005]

@@jaccat4336right but I’m not talking about being invited. I’m talking about being available during a loved one’s momentous life event. To be clear, I’m not saying OP was *obliged* to stay around and wait like an abandoned puppy and hope for scraps of affection… I’m saying it is very reasonable and likely that his brother would have wanted to reach out and connect with him during this time, so it would have made sense to communicate to the family that he won’t be in the area.

[@meagancall5005]

@@terramarini6880 most people I know will *notify* close family members before they leave the county. Definitely a valid point about it coming off as manipulative, but that's pretty easy to avoid with clear communication. Manipulative: "Are you even going to invite me, your *brother* to the most important day in your life? Because if you're just going to exclude me again, I'll go ahead and leave the country and save you the trouble, so I won't embarrass or inconvenience you." Not remotely manipulative: "Hey, [Brother]. I just wanted to give you a head's up that I'm going to be out of the country from [date] to [date]. I would love to meet up with you sometime before I leave to give you my wedding gift and best wishes, but if you're busy with wedding planning, we can get together after you're home from your honeymoon." He'd obviously want to be very careful about how he phrased it. But I'm not saying he needed permission to leave, or that he should have stayed around just to be around, I'm saying it's an intense time in the life of someone he cares deeply about, and it would have made sense to just make sure he knew he was gone. Edit: Am I misremembering that he left the country? Because that to me makes a big difference vs being out of state or something.

[@terramarini6880]

@@meagancall5005 I am assuming as he said went to Europe, if I was just going a few states or provinces away I would not say headed to America/Canada, I would say Washington/Ontario. If OP already lived on the continent they would have specified the specific place or region. Badly handled all around but OPs bro and sil set the tone of their interactions. In my book it's just a wedding, not that momentous an occasion for anyone but the couple.

[@SpacePlant-nb8gm]

Maybe I'm too ace for this, but I really don't get why op is such an outsider for sleeping with stepbro's ex? It's not like that were dating and he cheated, they weren't together and had no expectation of exclusivity. Stepbro should have worked on himself instead of holding into all that unnecessary anger for so long.

[@draughtoflethe]

I'll explain. Evan had just recently gone through a breakup he didn't initiate and didn't want. He was still in love with his ex, and still hurting. OP sleeping with the ex wasn't infidelity, but it *was* effectively pouring salt into Evan's open emotional wound. He chose sex over not causing Evan more pain. And as his brother and close friend, the expectation was that he loved Evan and would want to avoid causing him pain. *That* was the betrayal.

[@RoseStory_AITA]

oh my god😳

[@ccs1317]

Op is nta, the brothers ex wasn’t with anyone- they broke up. Feelings are irrelevant jfc; he should’ve stayed non contact with his family

[@InvasionAnimation]

I bet op will sleep with the brothers new girlfriend.

[@derpydragon1227]

Sorry but I really hate the whole ‘feeling betrayed because you slept with my ex’ shit. It’s not a betrayal, because the ex ain’t fucking yours. They are a person, and obviously she in this case was fine with it. It doesn’t matter if you ‘loved’ her, obviously you weren’t together because of whatever reason. 😂 Shes an ex for a reason. Your brother doesn’t need to have your permission to do squat relating your ex. It’s the same with the other gender. People are not possessions you can ‘claim’.

[@pupperpalace9889]

I agree, imagine being the ex and hearing that your ex is essentially shunning family because they are still hung up on you after breaking up. I would be weirded out and furious on the shunned family members behalf.

[@ariannawhite2844]

Omfg IT WAS HIS BROTHER!!!!!!!!! If you think that that your sibling (or close friend) would not feel betrayed by you fucking their VERY RECENT ex who they are still in love with and want to get back together with - you are deluding yourself. That was a HUGE middle finger to the brother, and OP knows it. He isn’t making excuses for his behavior so don’t make them for him

[@ariannawhite2844]

@@pupperpalace9889not gonna lie, imagine being an ex and thinking so little of your former partner that you knowingly sleep with their brother because you don’t care about their feelings anymore 🤷🏼‍♀️ it was way shittier of the brother but it takes two to tango and they both knew how much this would hurt the brother. I’ll give them credit for their youth making them dumb but that is literally as far as I’m willing to go. Don’t hurt your family members, especially if they are your so-called “Best Friend”

[@draughtoflethe]

It's not about anyone ~belonging to~ anyone else. It's about knowing that someone you care about is hurting, and choosing to do something that you know will hurt them more. That's why it's a betrayal, because you're *not supposed to want to hurt people you care about.* When you know that a person you care about just went through a breakup that they didn't initiate, didn't want, and haven't gotten over yet, you *know* that screwing the person they still have feelings for will hurt them, unless you are so emotionally unaware that you need a map to navigate a social circle. It's not about anyone owning anyone, it's about not exacerbating the pain of people you allegedly care about.

[@starbird3939]

Story 1 I sorta get it. Like it is weird to sleep with someone that was dating a family member. It just is. It means having to see that ex every time the person are dating their sibling/cousin/family member. And if the breakup was messy, that means those messy feelings will be there. But also it feels like a massive betrayal on family to do that. Unless the breakup was amendable l, don’t do it.

[@meganwood8630]

You know, I really wish OP had revealed exactly the circumstances, behind how he got with Evan’s ex, as something seems off to me. Morality is formed pretty early in life. And, though you learn more altogether as you age, I cannot imagine that there is something you find perfectly fine at the age of 22 that you do not at the age of 27. And, as OP seems emotionally mature to understand he did wrong now, I cannot imagine he would’ve been so gung-ho to sleep with the “ex” back then. Especially not as he knew his brother’s feelings and considered him his best friend, both of which I am inclined to believe due to them (Evan and OP) being the same age and living under the same roof. Was there some inebriation involved? That alone lessens culpability for actions. Also, who came on to who? Was it all some potential revenge scheme by the ex?

[@meganwood8630]

And why I wonder that is because I am trying to understand how irrational the family’s continued actions are. I already know they are irrational and vain through the post though. I mean punishing someone for sleeping with someone’s ex…5 years later…to the point of exclusion and ostracization….is worse treatment and for a longer duration than some murderers get. At this point it is just abusive…

[@LadyWolvie82]

OP made a reply in a comment to one of the posts (I think it was the initial, but I could be wrong - I took a screenshot of the username to remotely find both posts at all) where Evan played a bigger role in how it started. It was after Evan & ex broke up that OP did his best to comfort Evan. Evan went to say something like OP doesn't know how to be in a relationship with one like ex for 5 years. Which could be something to not say to one who trying to cheer you up over a split. OP only slept with the ex out of retaliation. Either way, two wrongs don't make a right.

[@adammark5481]

Evan and his family are absolutely the a-holes. The girl chose to leave it's meaning she wanted out. They also slept together a month later. If the brother was upset that's fair. But to have the family blame OP for two consenting adults is controlling and manipulative. That whole family needs to apologize to OP

[@orchidoxs126]

Op nta. But I think it's the cimments dogging the betrayed brother is wack. Because forgiveness isn't owed and he can be angry about it all he wants. Even after finding a new love doesn't mean I have to forget or forgive that you went out of your way to hurt me. And op himself says he knew it would hurt his brother. Ex can do what ever she wants. It's not about her, it's the brother No it's not as bad as cheating, but I could never forgive that man.

[@draughtoflethe]

Exactly right. The only reason I have any positive impression of OP is that he recognizes how bad his past actions were, understands that he has no right to expect or demand forgiveness, and gives his aggrieved brother space.

[@nathanpond27]

Evan needs to get over himself I had to reread it’s a couple times to get that it was his EX girlfriend he didn’t cheat with her it shouldn’t have been a relationship ender.

[@LovesGaming37]

Justin was right to stand by his bio brother over a stepbrother. Same for the dad. Stand with the bio son over.the stepson. Why is it wrong for bio family standing wirh each other against the person who wronged the family.

[@LadyWolvie82]

If you looked up both posts on Reddit, Evan isn't as innocent as you think he is. OP had a reply to a comment about how the mess started... After Evan & ex broke up, OP did his best to comfort Evan about it. For reasons unknown, Evan retorted by saying something like OP didn't know what it feels like to be one like ex for 5 years. Not many people would take the retort well or lightly, because it may have made OP feel worse about not being in a long term relationship and could have affected his confidence in having one in the future. OP only slept with the ex out of retaliation to the retort. In other words, two wrongs don't make a right.

[@kiraalexandraruizburgos1236]

🦐

[@FrederikEngelmand]

story 1, he is an asshole. but not in the story he presented.

[@brandygiovinazzi3460]

👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋