I Feel Lonely in My Marriage

I Feel Lonely in My Marriage
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[@fdllicks]

I heard once "the loneliest you can ever be is not when you are alone. It is when you are with someone who used to get excited about you and now just has no interest."

[@richardv9648]

I am afraid of being lonely inside a relationship than being alone with myself.

[@kerrymillar1267]

I can verify that is the loneliest feeling ever.

[@fdllicks]

If I can pipe in on my own reply here. I divorced 4 yrs ago from just such a marriage. I remember the marriage counselor saying he sees 2 types of failing marriages:1.)younger people fight , fight , fight and get divorced. 2.)Older people, the story is usually he gets angry and she gets cold. This sets up a vicious cycle of him getting angrier and her getting colder and after some times, she is an iceberg. Our current suburban American lifestyle/culture also promotes the guy not having friends. Everything nowadays is about kids stupid sports and watching tv holed up in our suburban "paradise" home. Instead of meeting and making friends. So often , when the divorce happens, the guy barely has any friends or a social circle to help him.

[@seadragon1456]

It’s true. When you’re young and things are problematic you’ll nag nag nag and eventually over a few years you’ll stop. When she stops nagging and the guy is still doing the same stuff he thinks she’s just holding her tongue. In reality she’s grieving the relationship. Shell ask for a divorce in a years worth of time and then he’ll want to work on everything and tell her everything he should have been saying 2+ years earlier. After they divorce he’ll act like she went from their relationship straight into a new one we but really she checked out when she stopped nagging and fighting for the relationship years prior. She’s cold now because he was cold and annoying for so long. I’ve watched this happen within 3 of my friend groups and it’s wild to watch.

[@fdllicks]

@@seadragon1456 so true so true so true. When a guy gets served with divorce news, he thinks it happened last night and noone knows. The truth is, she ended it 3 yrs ago. Her sisters know, her lady coworkers know, her new guy knows, her whole family was told it was coming. The last person to know is her husband. She just spent 3 yrs trying to figure out how to break it to the kids. When she gets the courage to tell the kids dad is getting jettisoned from the family, that is when she tells her husband.

[@nullavitasinemusica1]

To me this sounds more like financial intimacy. A younger woman marrying an older dude for lifestyle reasons 🤷

[@ssiegreen5292]

... and not liking the grown up, responsible way of living that he brings to the table. I hear that too... And to take it a step further - suspicious person that I am - there's probably more than just financial infidelity [I think that's what you meant rather than intimacy?].

[@SaystheTruth3]

She loves his money, and he loves her youth... Adios marriage.

[@maribelluna3075]

I wanted him to ask how big was the age gap!!😂😂

[@larissaalcorn3406]

Yes! That was my first question. Sounds like these two are in completely different phases of life.

[@beebee2781]

The guy said it half way through, "Im older and I like to pinch pennies." Sounds like he married a much younger cute chick who was after his money, and isnt truly attracted to him. Tale as old as time.

[@nullavitasinemusica1]

Financial intimacy

[@RanalL72]

Bingo

[@mirabella2154]

Exactly. He married a gold digger. Why would a fairly attractive, much younger woman marry a grandpa? Somehow men like to be delusional.

[@JustinCase780]

She's lovin' the life! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 ATM dude.

[@dhritikapoor2897]

Ummm he makes it very clear in the beginning the his wife is doing “pretty well” for herself financially

[@coconutwater4531]

Like Tom said he’s much older and doesn’t party. She doesn’t want to travel with grandpa!

[@selenawhite9020]

She’s using him to bankroll her trips and he’s being naive…

[@Ja50nkAt]

💯

[@Mrs.TJTaylor]

Disagree, he said they both do well.

[@ambamulda]

She makes her own money and does well.... how is he bankrolling

[@amandachristine9286]

They are BOTH benefiting from each other!!! He’s with her because she’s really young and she’s with him because he has money. It’s a win win.

[@ambamulda]

@@amandachristine9286 she makes her own money and is well off

[@boxesbinslidsllc]

Your spouse is first, a married woman shouldn't be spending all her time traveling with her friends. Something is off.

[@melteddarkchocolate000]

He sound older. Best believe there's a age gap between them.

[@kenvr2287]

Another man….that is what is off…

[@David-wo9un]

@@kenvr2287 without a doubt; there is someone else.

[@songbird5030]

I agree!! Her husband is her first priority to love and to cherish. Friends come after that. Something is not right. I trust they can work it out that the husband can have great travels with his wife. He seems like a good guy!

[@boxesbinslidsllc]

@@kenvr2287 Why do all the good people connect with the wrong spouses? So selfish of his wife.

[@Youdontneedtoknowmyname3-iu1vk]

If your own spouse doesn't want you around for fun things they don't like you. It's simple really what's going on. When you love or even like the other person you want to be around them. It's not hard to comprehend she's going around for the $$$

[@Girlgonewise]

His wife just doesn’t like him. He sounds like a nice guy that has been manipulated by a younger woman. She is living her best life while he’s paying bills.

[@jeromehenry4484]

Let's face it, older man's ego is easily stroked by significantly younger & pretty woman. Did she really manipulate him? or he just didn't choose wisely? He already had life experiences before he met her, so he willingly paid the price. Now he realizes he is being priced out and the rest of his future (like retirement savings) is in jeopardy.

[@aydinsha]

That's most of these "Trad" marriages.

[@calviv1]

Men are blind and don’t see it

[@calviv1]

@@jeromehenry4484yes a woman that loves her man would not spend his retirement. She’s is living in the now and spending his money cuz like he is not going to be the man she’ll stay with when she wastes his money.

[@kellyeverett]

Sounds like she makes good money too. Maybe he’s boring ??

[@BG-nm5xt]

He's right: she doesn't want to hang out with him, it's a lot more fun to travel with her girlfriends. Is she running up debt he doesn't see? Has he looked at her spending? Does she like to party and drink? What's the age difference? She's living a whole different lifestyle than he is. She doesn't like his company, and she gets to be independent and travel.

[@jaybustos3023]

I’m so lonely my husband works graveyard. He’s tired all the time. I understand why he’s so tired. But I have to do everything by myself. It really sucks! When he does have time, people ask him to constantly to help them out. An he is so sweet he’s always helping family, friends, neighbors. But it’s straining our relationship. He doesn’t seem like he affected. But I just want a lil bit of his time.

[@1bluegreen2]

Break stuff in the house and schedule him to fix it. Break the leg off the dining room table, then break a few chair legs, loosen some screws in the bed, break a window. Then tell him later, how happy you were to spend time with him even though he was home just to fix things. Ask him if he can schedule dates 1 to 2x a week with you..... nothing special just time off together got two hours or so on those dates.

[@jeanninerossouw5921]

he likes it when everyone applauds him ,but does not feel the same about you. He needs the admiration and attention from everyone, and even when you have children, they will not be able to keep his attention for long. If it's already hard at the beginning of a relationship, it's only going to get harder

[@patticakesintexas]

I was married to a guy who worked graveyard for many years. We were married 20 years. We only went on dates once a year, if that some years. The loneliness really destroyed me. I feel for you.

[@TheSunshinefee]

i bet the woman is beautiful and young and he chose her for that instead of a quality woman with a good personality. you reap what you sow

[@futurefunk88eddins96]

Who hurt you?

[@kalimbaayinde25]

Exactly. I never understand why these men complain. They get what they are looking for.

[@adearabby6154]

Before he passed away unexpecedly, I was lonely for the last 10 years of our marriage due to his alternative life on the golf course. I dearly miss him however i no longer have to listen to a daily description of how every hole was played by each of 4 guys.

[@sherikwasnik5290]

Sad that you had to endure that, but happy for you now. I hope you are enjoying your life now, and have the joy and fulfillment that you deserve.

[@Yana4real]

My mind went somewhere else but ok

[@whatISlife007]

​@@Yana4real lol

[@user_abcxyzz]

It was your choice to stay. You chose to be lonely

[@joeystewart4487]

Maybe you should have gotten into golf. He passed and your gripe is he played golf?

[@kimberlysmith7625]

Caller says "I travel for work". What I'm hearing is that his wife got tired of being alone. She may not have realized how often she would be alone bc of his work travel and decided to create her own fun. A woman who feels cherished and prioritized doesn't plan trips/activities that take her away from her spouse.

[@Evil-Rod-Farva]

I’m hearing that his wife is ungrateful for having a man who paid off her debts and would rather go out with “friends” and use him as an ATM than be a teammate and wife. And those “friends” she’s going out with are probably clapping her cheeks on these vacations too.

[@bunchesofdents]

I agree. She likely got so used to being alone all the time that it is her lifestyle now. Curious how often the husband is gone for work. It can still be that she is a spoiled brat, but not necessarily.

[@smokingcrab2290]

Bullshit victim nonsense. In my experience the more I cherish and prioritize a woman the more she treats me like a slave.

[@britneyog9537]

I can't imagine traveling without my husband for "fun". The best times in my life are when we travel together. If I'm gone 1 night away I miss him and wish he could see and experience those moments. That's what marriage is about. Sharing together.12 years strong!

[@britneyog9537]

@CJ every year versus monthly or weekly is different. I never said that. Everyone judges.

[@Oceanmaid91]

@CJ-ov1pl The man obviously wants to go and woman is obviously blocking him. Hard not to judge. Everyone needs their alone time, but traveling this frequently without her husband is nothing but fishy. Be honest Hone, if it were a woman callin in we’d all be shouting everything from new girl in every port to he has a secret family.

[@KyleD237]

I wish my wife felt that way.

[@larissaalcorn3406]

Good for you.

[@andradeanita]

Well good for you 🎉 i am just jelous of you.😅

[@smokingcrab2290]

I am lonely in my own marriage. The only way to fix the loneliness is to find someone else who actually wants a relationship and connection with me. But I can't do that because I don't want to destroy my sons life, and I don't want to lose all of my net worth. The worst thing ever is being trapped with someone who either dgafs or just doesn't get it. What's the point of being in a relationship if you can't ever connect with the other person?

[@jemmajames6719]

Me too, he’s always been abusive Im so unloved and lonely it’s been 35 years and it’s really effecting my health.

[@DorothyDianaRadiantFeminine]

THis is a very difficult place to be, sending hugs.

[@shanedwade]

I don’t see a thing wrong in the world with you said Dr. John. Telling it like it is, as far as I’m concerned

[@wf4983]

No, Dr. John was right with his advice. That's the only thing this man can do. Sit down with his wife and find out if there is an underlying reason for her behavior. Give the benefit of the doubt. Set a time limit for this process. And if nothing changes make hard choices.

[@desareecrane8734]

Yeah the mark was missed but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. I appreciate future Dr. D’s explanation before this segment started.

[@bannedbooksonvhs80]

She wanted to travel but didn’t have the money so she went into debt. She ran out of credit so she found a man to pay off her debt so she could continue to travel. She went into more debt to travel and hid it from him. He paid that off and she continues to travel. He is a fool and she is selfish; perfect pair.

[@melteddarkchocolate000]

Sound like sugar baby daddy situation.

[@alluringbliss4165]

Wish I was that lucky, lol 😆

[@sun_shinecs8272]

😅😅😅

[@calviv1]

paying her debt in the first place was the start of the trouble

[@tsaunders4684]

Right, I'm sure he paid off her travel debt and she didn't sacrifice anything to help pay it off and she continued traveling racking back up debt and not really respecting him. Poor fella is a simp and paying all the bills

[@karr1990]

I think you were pretty spot-on with this one Dr. J. He was acting like it was the not vacationing together that was the issue, when it reality they have a behemoth of a problem lurking beneath the surface. I feel sad for him, because he seems a bit clueless. She has checked out. 😕

[@autumnlange1220]

I actually think John was spot on with this one despite what he says in the beginning. They are living two different lives. I have been there before up close and personal and recognize it. I also know a couple who is doing this and it’s headed for disaster. The married couples who are now basically roommates is very common nowadays. It is very sad and marriage isn’t supposed to be that way.

[@maraisreynolds9688]

I totally agree with this, nothing he said was out of bounds for the caller's situation. I would be curious whether she was that way during dating or even prior to that. I kinda doubt she was, it seems more like something changed and perhaps she just doesn't like how he travels for work and copes by doing her own things. I think he was pretty spot on with how he approached it!

[@peters3965]

It is most likely her fault. That is what you are missing. If i exaggerate it and say she is beating him, would you be looking at him? Asking what he should change? She is making terrible decisions and is acting terribly towards him (most likely)

[@EmilyLucille523]

🙋🏻‍♀️

[@jkbc]

when someone says "I dont know" that puzzles me, either he lied or just dont want to share his share of fault. Some people never felt any fault, only their surrounding is at fault.

[@ssiegreen5292]

Some people are so busy with keeping work, advancing careers, jobs or their business, making enough money to staying ahead that they simply have no time or energy left to really think about what doesn't quite work correctly in their relationships. Or they may not be in tune with their feelings - men specifically, but many women as well. And then it's a maturity thing too - I think very differently - deeper - now that I am older than when I was in my 20ies or even in my 30ies.

[@becky5569]

Almost 17 yrs for us and I feel the same way. I speak up every few months and it gradually goes away again. I don't know what to do. I love him so much, but think more and more about divorce. Then I panic at how much I'd miss him, and how lonely I might be...then I think of how hard it is to have both of those things already still married. Married alone.

[@becky5569]

@LS-be8gr SO Hard. Thinking of you.

[@kalimbaayinde25]

I know the feeling, but lm at a loss.

[@Ryan-wx1bi]

"I try not to badmouth a spouse when they are not on the call".... 🧐 Every woman caller talking about her husband: You married a child, he needs to grow up

[@mustangthings]

“Are you safe?” The husband is always cheating and/or on drugs.

[@JosiahBarrett-dm4ws]

Exactly my thoughts 😂

[@David-wo9un]

It is extremely rare for him to say anything remotely negative about a female; he most often asks male caller’s how they are contributing to her bad behavior.🙄

[@otsam1050]

This is why I've found it hard to listen to his relationship takes.

[@silo7715]

John is always way harder on the men.

[@JamieHager0727]

I can tell you what I think it is? He don’t like that he comes home to an empty house? Well how about how she feels when she has to come home to an empty house?

[@joanb4456]

Wow! What a great beginning to the show. "The only person you can change is you." That is powerful. Thank you Dr. Deloney.

[@whitneyw.7919]

Tom said he is a single dad… the problem is the stepkids and the dynamics of the blended family she wants to escape it. Very difficult to make it work as stepparent, lots of resentment builds super quickly.

[@janisemills1]

Yes, this was me I would always be with friends or going out simply because I was tired of being a babysitter to kids that aren’t even mine.

[@janisemills1]

I know when you marry someone with kids you have to accept what comes with it. But unfortunately it was driving me crazy and on top of it I wasn’t allowed to say anything to his kids. I put my mental health first.

[@terrycastaneda5039]

I don't see how this call went wrong. I agree with the advice you gave.

[@ominous450]

Watch out for those girl trips. There's a high likelihood she's cheating on you my guy. Hire a PI

[@sharonh5399]

Pi is a great idea. I used to watch that show cheaters. I think he definitely needs to hire one.

[@AtlantaGirl2012]

Oh my goodness, the old you is my husband! My husband is so critical and so tight with money and so opinionated and always has to be right, and messes up trips with his cynicism at this point we don't include him in our lives. 14 year old daughter and a senior in high school that's getting ready to go to college and none of us include him in and it just makes him more mad. The issue is that my husband doesn't have friends, or a father that he actually would talk to about marriage concerns. And so his opinion is the end-all-be-all and I have created a world that doesn't include him just for my own peace and Sanity. I feel bad but if I don't do that, I'll leave the marriage. I really don't know what to do

[@KatieLHall-fy1hw]

I know a few fathers like this. Their telling of it is usually a “poor me” or “woe is me” story, not seeing their part in what they are living. Miraculously everything happens to them and they just have to deal… it’s a weird one it is

[@queenred.6159]

Show some grace and understand and understand that he is the way he is out of fear . The way he acts is his way to protect his fear or insecurity which is still probably rooted in fear. What is he afraid of? What did he lose control of in his past that hurt him that made him put this wall up. Hes a man and it's not easily telling a women hes scared about anything. There is a reason he cant be free and just let things be so all of you can have a good time. Something is holding him hostage. He may need therapy if you cant get it out of him.

[@adrianna48]

I soooo can relate to this. Let me know if you want to be pin pals🌻

[@adrianna48]

I sooo can relate. Let me know if you want to be pin pals🌸

[@larissaalcorn3406]

I'm in the middle of the same thing. It's really tough to drag a negative person around. They expect to be included, but then ruin the experience. I find I'm constantly having to compensate for the dark cloud hanging over him every day. And if I even suggest that something might be wrong or that maybe he needs to talk to someone, I get ignored or scoffed at. It's so hard. Heart breaking. 💔

[@letsgooooooo111]

Ive dated someone like this. It was so miserable. They weren't even cheating or anything, they just always wanted to be with eveyone else because intimacy scared them. Its okay sir. Youll be fine, buy you know, deep in your heart what needs to be done

[@williamjohn8633]

I bartended in my mid-twenties at a few popular vacation resorts. I can tell you from experience that there's more going behind the scenes with this woman. She and her friends are definitely looking for fun, but not with him for a good reason. I saw married women do this all the time, even women overtly wearing their rings and propositioning me

[@snorky776]

What about when you constantly invite them out with your friends, or to family events, or even things one on one and they almost always decline… so you’re forced to continuously do things on your own anyways…

[@kristinam2719]

This guy sounds like a sweetheart actually. I do things without my husband bc he often refuses to go and I also need a break from him now that he’s retired. Hubby has told me that he’s depressed but doesn’t do anything about it. My daughter and I think there is an underlying mental illness that he won’t deal with. If you can’t talk to someone easily you can only change yourself!

[@aprilchow-chee5281]

But marriage is you dealing with these issues together I think you should talk to your husband he's reaching out to you because he knows it's pretty bad. When my depression reached suicidal thoughts that's when I told my family I'm depressed but I didn't tell them how bad it was it was much deeper than that and you can trust he's reached a real terrible point. He needs you.

[@zariaeda007]

​@@aprilchow-chee5281I'm sure she has. Like she said he's not getting help and you can't force someone to do something they don't want to do.

[@exxology1]

Sounds like she doesn’t want to tag along on a work trip, who can blame her! Plan an actual vacation with your wife dude.

[@amydoran9987]

It sounds like she enjoys being with her friends a little too much. Like she’s trying to escape. He feels left out.

[@dawncundy5252]

Again, so well described. Thanks for asking the hard questions and sharing your failings and encouraging others others. The way you changed to be likeable! to bring joy, it's transformational.

[@LivesUnderRock868]

Dr. John is spot on about 2 people living separate lives under the same roof. Not that I'm speaking from personal experience, 😅, I bet they aren't friends, don't do anything together, and one of them does all the mental load, working full time, and going on trips with them is just more work.

[@kittycatobsession]

She’s using this guy and I’m questioning if those trips are really with her friends or is she’s cheating.

[@oncetwice5942]

It could be both

[@KimHarry-c3l]

As a woman, I feel like your wife, does not want to be married to you anymore. I feel like she does not genuinely love you anymore, the same as me with my now ex husband. I would rather go on a vacation with my female friend, than with my now ex husband. I cringed at the thought of sharing a bed with my now ex husband on vacation with expected intimacy, on a vacation. We did not share a bed at our house for a few years before divorcing. I did love my now ex husband for the first eighteen years of being married to him, but fell out of love with him. I, unfortunately feel your wife will be leaving you permanently.

[@bcreilly180]

In the final months of my marriage, I was extremely lonely. My love language is Quality Time and my ex didn't seem to care about it. She would say things like "All I remember about the trip, I just wanted to not be there and be home." When we do simple outings, she start complaining about wanting to leave. So we stopped doing things together. It was mostly quick dinners, movie and TV nights, and the occasional sex night. There was no sustenance. Just 2 roommates who argued with no resolution on making our relationship into an equal marriage.

[@IanWilde-bm8jt]

I can relate to this a lot

[@Lynetted79]

It feels like a roller coaster of emotions all the time! I have to remind him that I exist every few months and that I need this and that and it happens for a few and then BOOM back to the zombie on the couch, no date night, no intimacy, no interest in my day, etc. i’m tired 🥹. 24yrs now 🥲

[@becky5569]

​@Lynetted79 oh my gosh I felt that too much. Almost 17 yrs for us and I feel the same way. I speak up every few months and it gradually goes away again. I don't know what to do. I love him so much, but think more and more about divorce. Then I panic at how much I'd miss him, and how lonely I might be...then I think of how hard it is to have both of those things already still married. Married alone.

[@derrickbonsell]

This is the flipside of what happens when men think that because they're in a certain place in their life that a younger woman is who they should invite in. Sure it might work but if there's a relative maturity difference between the two of you it will come out.

[@cindypatrick785]

Take it from this daughter’s eyewitness account, the grass isn’t always greener…..” My parents were 3 months apart(62). My dad started feeling old after 4 of us kids got married with in 6 months. Our childhood home was grand central station for us and our friends. Sadly he left my momma after 39 years of marriage for some “ other woman “ 30 years younger . End of story:As soon as he started showing signs of Alzheimer’s at 81 she dumped him on me, his oldest daughter. He had worked from 13-70’s and when he could no longer work she was finished w the 20 year meal ticket. Daddy’s last 7 years were spent living on our property in a 42’ travel trailer w his little dog. His biggest regret in life,” I can’t I believe I threw away such a good woman”😢. Daddy’s Alzheimer’s journey ended in March. He never forgave himself for hurting momma. Think twice before you cheat on your “ wife of your youth.” 3:45

[@anonamos8129]

My wife and I are complete opposites who come from completely different backgrounds and it is a big bridge to cross that comes between us. I am an ex criminal who came from poverty and drug addled relatives and she is a professional with an advanced degree and lots of friends. I can’t begin to describe the loneliness I’ve always felt and I have to keep this in check because it’s not her fault

[@vickimayas9765]

I had this experience when I was married. Left my home country, gave up my life and good government job to join my then husband in the US. Boy did I regret it. He was glued to the tv when he got home. He watched all the walking dead series, all the basketball games including the replays among other unhealthy habits. I dared not disturb him to help me with anything in the house. Mind you, I’m in a new country and don’t know anyone. My bed and sleep became my best friends.

[@donaldshotts4429]

I think that's common unfortunately with foreign relationships. I'm waiting on immigration now to bring my Thai wife over here. You have to remember alot of men go overseas for the wrong reasons. They're trying to find a woman to control or a woman that will accept bad behavior. Communication is tough too with the different cultures

[@kimmy225]

I have a similar experience with my boyfriend except we had a long distance relationship in the U.S. it wasn’t until he moved to my state that I was really able to see how he lives. We’ve lived together for one year, and I still struggle with this because I feel as though he presented himself as one way, but he’s really the opposite.

[@nadiaconforti826]

Sorry different perspective. She’s told him a million times what she needs and he doesn’t hear her. He’s married to her but has no clue what the issue is. Maybe if he listened to her he would. Nice guy. She’s fighting for his attention. Went through FPU so committed to getting out of debt Gets into debt behind his back and he just lets it go. Another cry for attention. She’s had enough and is taking care of her own needs cause he hasn’t. Love to hear her side. You are married to her you should have some idea what’s wrong if you actually paid attention to her.

[@donaldshotts4429]

Not buying that. You don't solve problems by spending so much time apart. He even asked her to go on work trips. She could shop etc and then go out with him that night. She wants his paycheck without him

[@Sleekin01]

My husband travels 3 weeks out of the month. We know what each other does. I would never think of excluding him and him vice versa.

[@vernabryant2894]

His wife is not in the marriage.Iv'e been married for 58 years and seen and been through a lot.Shes self centered.She has probably cheated on him.I would get out of the marriage and start taking care of myself.When he gets old he will regret he stayed.

[@Ja50nkAt]

Nothing good comes from "girls trips".

[@MiamiChica]

This is the price of marrying someone your kid’s age. Younger spouses are usually in it for your assets.

[@sallyhemings2295]

My guess is as he traveled for work , SHE was forced to entertain herself and find a life. Now she has one, it just doesn’t include HIM.

[@fionared8240]

You sound like a hairy feminist 😂

[@melteddarkchocolate000]

She's living her life as a single women supported by a man with a child. Hmmm.

[@analozada9475]

This is what happens when you marry someone younger and probably attractive. Men think that big age gaps don’t matter and that money will solve everything, but in reality it won’t. It’s just a temporary patch on a wound that needs deep treatment and stitches. Also, he sounds like he’s clueless of the situation or in deep denial. I hope he talks to her in a serious manner and things get sorted out and fixed.

[@shaycarol]

So she’s alone all the time and he’s not happy she needs to get out sometimes too? Maybe she’s tired of feeling alone in her marriage….

[@weekendnomad5038]

I feel this. My husband is always taking time for himself . Gaming , out with friends , gambling. Obvs she wanted to do the trips with him but it triggered him so she went off alone since he couldn’t be bothered😢😢😢 a weekend trip is only a couple hundred bucks

[@embitious630]

I feel terrible for him. As a single mom raising three kids and juggling three jobs along with saving for retirement, I've had experiences where men have taken advantage of me. I'm uncertain where to find a man who will genuinely respect me.

[@RyH10]

For the most part, I agree with what John said. Was she always like this or was this something that developed. It's definitely fixable, but this isn't the root cause, and there are some hard conversations you need to have. But, I think he needs to be honest with himself and ask what he really wants out of this marriage and set some boundaries for the relationship and $$. It does sound like he is shrugging his shoulder a lot on things, and we've all been there and that means you need to put a lot more attention into the marriage and figure it out.

[@msstupidcommenter09]

"A nice guy is being manipulated by a younger woman" 🙄 sounds like he wanted a younger woman who was supposed to be a home keeper and she wanted an older man who would fund her responsibilities while she funds her lifestyle. He wasn't manipulated. He tried to get one over on her but she's smarter than that. He's not some poor nice, old, good guy with good intentions. He is just as manipulative as you think she is. I guarantee their age gap is 10 years MINIMUM

[@tomnohmy1273]

Ur human. We need to hear more often we could have done better

[@AhmetShowTime]

I don't feel bad for this guy/simp! He's allowing this to happen. This guy needs to have a self-respect!

[@arimax888]

the debts part alone is a clue to her stringing him along for financial reasons!! Poor dude. I hope he left her. The fact that she isn't willing to work on the relationship & rejecting his offers to spend time together shows that she doesn't really want him! He deserves better

[@David-wo9un]

It was interesting to hear him talk about “future John”; I thought he handled the call quite well considering he is only hearing one side. It would be interesting to know the age difference between them; honestly, she may just be with him for the finances he brings but we don’t have enough information to know what’s really going on.

[@dianaabiemo5177]

You nailed it Dr. Thank you!

[@mrpapakc]

Everything he said to this guy is true! I am in the same situation down to every detail! 24 years of loneliness!!!!

[@kcourtney6826]

He was a single dad? I’m going to take a guess, this is not his 1st marriage this is the young and exciting woman he left his wife for, I hope he enjoys his happily ever after.

[@scroogemcduckismyspiritanimal]

That's a real stretch there, elastigirl. Nothing in his tone or word choices made him sound like a cheater that left his wife for a younger woman

[@kcourtney6826]

@@scroogemcduckismyspiritanimal Is it really?

[@lmiller1413]

That is exactly how I see it. He wants to have that sexy woman in the bedroom just waiting for him. Sorry dude, your wife wants to live and have fun and she likes to spend money.... you didn't marry the stay at home wife. I'm sure she finds him really annoying. Watch the pennies? Yuck.

[@nina4941]

She’s cheating on him! It’s so obvious!

[@kathirodden6109]

You’re all over the place Delony!!!

[@Drifter-tw4kt]

He is always all over the place

[@daniam707]

The basic wiring of women is to spend time with their men. Something is off. I read a romance book in 5th grade and I never forgot this quote.. “ when a woman stops loving you, there is nothing you can do than to put your hands in your pocket and walk away” 🤷🏾

[@FrankS111]

Men….NEVER SIMP! If your significant other abuses your time and generosity, leave. If she doesn’t respect you then leave….period!!

[@djpuplex]

Yup. We all know what ladies night leads too. Cheating or out looking at what's on the market. Like they aren't already doing that online as is.

[@vaska1999]

​@@djpuplex That's nonsense. I've had innumerable nights out with my girl friends and none of us was ever interested in cheating on our significant others.

[@Alex10daysago]

My wife brought in her daughter with us and her baby. She is wasteful and doesn’t do anything because when the baby sleeps thats her down time. The house is full of clutter and she takes over all of the house. When I complain she gets upset that I am upset at her giant kid. So am the bad guy all the time.

[@EmilyLucille523]

I agree 💯 % with John on this one and he didn’t miss it. Trust me. I’m in the exact same situation.

[@milli2326]

And sometimes its to far gone to change

[@lyndaslocs]

Chill, Dr, D. We all mess up at times.

[@viram1831]

Unfortunately I see my parents going they're own ways now both in they're late 50s over 25years married...

[@larissaalcorn3406]

I'm curious what the age difference between these two is. He said he's getting older and doesn't like to party. Which tells me his wife does like to party and might be a bit younger than he is. I also heard him say that they have opposite schedules. That alone creates a scenario of building separate lives. My husband works night shift, and its a STRUGGLE to get him engaged in our lives. I'm literally running the household all day and all night. He will lament that he doesn't feel needed in our home, but when I try to include him in the daily routine or family events, he'd rather sleep or sits like a zombie because night shift just destroys your functioning. So............ often people with schedules like this are left to build separate lives. Both people need to be intentional with their time. There's only so much you can do on your own. The other person has to want to participate.

[@candyluna2929]

She's cheating.

[@kiddrummeremac96]

Definitely cheating

[@GucciMousepad]

This

[@tcggggg]

As she should, this man is too weak to remain faithful to.

[@GucciMousepad]

@@tcggggg I don’t necessarily disagree hahaha

[@kerrymillar1267]

100%

[@michellelee487]

Sounds like she lost interest in him. Keeping him around for another paycheck.

[@AHaffejee]

Perfect answer John do things differently play more with the family life is a long journey make it a fun one

[@lisahinkofer2085]

Or maybe she doesn’t enjoy his company. He needs to sit down and talk to her. Confront her and then talk about them as a couple.

[@lavidaesbella_]

This is easy and hard to hear, I’m sorry… you’re not her priority 😢 I’m so sorry

[@JustinCase780]

@11:00 "that's very interesting..I havn't looked at it like that" ... among everything. 😂😂 like ATM dude

[@5thdimensionliving727]

She’s either having an affair or she doesn’t want be with her spouse...it’s one or the other..this man should stop being a fool and wake up..plus she’s running it all in debt..she loves Sally Mae more than she does him..she should be ashamed of herself treating him like that as he sounds like a decent guy..she has no awareness he’s suffering..shame on you lady..😢

[@danwilliams6206]

I think the last 5 minutes was spot on.

[@warrensloan3467]

I think it’s pretty simple. He was “good enough.” As long as she gets to live the life she wants, he’s good enough to be with, but I would wager quite a lot that the second he starts really pushing back and holding her accountable, she’s out, and it won’t be a protracted issue either, she already knows she’s not here to do the work. All the caller can do is decide what he’s willing to endure to have her around.

[@Nah-ah]

Omg… I’m the same with traveling as Dr John! I board flights when everyone’s boarded and the plane is about to leave! And be one of the last ones to get off.😂

[@gracefullyyours6508]

What a reasonable man. Best of luck.

[@mjrh45]

This gentleman is a fool to put up with this nonsense. Unless he puts a hard stop to his wife's infidelities, then he deserves everything he gets from her. Man up sir!!

[@jodyhenning2128]

He knows he don’t want to know

[@lyndaslocs]

This sounds like a side-dude problem.

[@MichaelRe-c7q]

After I got married my wife joined a church and she spend soooo much time with them that I feel like she has an almost separate life. Its not really my cup of tea and she makes it seem like something's wrong with me. It's very lonely.

[@Drifter-tw4kt]

Deloney convinced the caller that he should basically blame himself 😂

[@concepcionrivera8532]

Hi John, I've been married for 28yrs. I gone through a lot maybe all the things that can and will happen in marriage. I have looked at myself and did changes from bad guy to good guy along with trying to understand what my wife my be going through at times of her life. At this point I don't have a real clue on what to do with myself or my spouse. We can't seem to talk about much when it comes to relationship issues and I become feeling helpless . The bed room looks very cold and she doesn't look like she has no interest in me. Example I ask why she doesn't ask or make a move in the bed room. She replied maybe I don't want to hear the answer. And that I am a crying bit#$@!. Or there is no one else but if there was he would be a real man compared to me. Also that I am not a good father. In the past I was the provider and protector of my family. Now I am 53 years old and cannot work because of health issues and feel that I am the ownly one holding this family together. Of curse she has the history of cheating and use our children as to hurt me. I want to leave family. Comes first. I didn't have a father My child do and will always. What can I do now?

[@EstelleChao-fi2on]

Bottom line is she has lost respect for you. You have to leave if you can.

[@murraybeachtel8585]

Appreciate the preface. We are all human but this call should not have been aired and that guy should get a call back. He is definitely being cheated on. I’d walk him through the next best steps he can take for himself offline. Still my favorite podcast it’s like Dr. John has even said. Not every call is the right advice given.

[@barryc9115]

This is why no marriage should be undertaken without a prenup. Never stay in a marriage that’s toxic for you.

[@marlene1708]

I wish we could hear her side or how the conversation went. Part of marriage is having the hard conversations knowing you feeling are probably going to get hurt.

[@luckeytexans7287]

Sounds like she checked out a long time ago. He's in the friend zone. Traveling will wreck a marriage, I was at that point, had to quit my job and travel with him to his work locations, did this 15+ years. It's exhausting and can be very very lonely. She does have a spending issue.

[@Alloongast]

Go for divorce. You will always try to give way, compromise, understand and sacrifice but the if there's no positive reciprocity, drop and leave. I'm in my 50s and have several friends who are divorced/separated. They've shared where if they stand their ground and be firm, to be the head of the family, their partner will always say - well, that's what you want, you're plan, no healthy compromise and if they let them do what they want, understand it, compromise just so for them to be happy and if they go overboard, the woman will come back and say, well-you didn't stop me. You didn't help me. So no accountability. Damn if you do, Damn if you don't.

[@yrubio3217]

He’s in denial of the problem before him.

[@elizabethpieters7798]

She married him for money and now she is using his money to travel and party with her friends.

[@EmilySmith-nm5dd]

his wife made a world for herself because she had to.