I Found Out Her Boyfriend Watches Porn . . .

[@JoelWende]

This mother sounds like a nightmare! This dude isn’t pulling the daughter away…she is RUNNING!

[@UNcommonSenseAUS]

Yep, she's got a problem with pr0n. Her daughters partner, her daughters choice. Also: "How much" "How often" "How frequently" Are all the same question. Then she goes on to try & justify her controlling behaviour. Fuuuuuuucken nightmare.

[@JeremiahCharleston]

That’s what I was thinking

[@johnny9072]

The way the mother barks at her daughter, yep, she is running for the hills

[@JoelWende]

@@johnny9072 If she’s like this with a 22 year old can you imagine what she was like 12-16?! Of course kids need more guidance at those ages, but she’s giving helicopter parent from hell!

[@jayallen9198]

This lady sucks. I wouldn’t want to be around her either.

[@amiekienzle7597]

This woman has 0 interest in hearing John telling her she is the problem.

[@clintparsons3989]

Because he never did.

[@SimpleZ1997]

@@clintparsons3989he did he called her out but she switches the story everytime he calls her out

[@flappy3635]

@@clintparsons3989 he wants her to realize she is the problem thats why he wont directly tell her

[@geometerfpv2804]

@@clintparsons3989 Yeah, it would be wrong for a mental health professional to say it directly...but he suggested to her several times that the boy may actually not be that bad. She just would not have it. Notice how she couldn't point out anything else wrong with him besides the "pornography"? No disrespect, no rudeness to the daughter, no putting her down, nothing. This is a control freak of a mother who has a deep obsession with the porn issue and believes it is ten thousand times more importan than anything else...and it's just not. Nearly every man has struggled with this, it's pretty normal, and it doesn't make him a bad person, especially if he is being honest with his partner about it. That's like...the opposite of a severe addiction.

[@timothy2491]

​@@geometerfpv2804its not wrong to be direct. Also john is not a clinical psych

[@levigoldson]

I don't believe this woman for a second that she just happened to see the open journal right on that page. She is sifting through it and reading it.

[@UNcommonSenseAUS]

Yep & photographing every page

[@hellaSwankkyToo]

100%.

[@yogaqueen1527]

@@levigoldson exactly, and better believe this is not her first time snooping through her daughter's journal. She should be ashamed of herself, reading her daughter's most private thoughts, exactly why i would never have a journal/diary

[@JustinCase780]

@@levigoldson Her daughter knows exactly what she did and John should have called her out more on how she's lying about it but he just threw up a surrender play the second half of the call to appease.

[@brenttrotter88]

Beat me to it! ​@@UNcommonSenseAUS

[@rae6857]

My mom is like this. When I turned 18, I moved 10 hours away. Your daughter will do the same

[@mssophiad03]

The daughter is 22.

[@rae6857]

@@mssophiad03 yes, yes she is. I never denied that. Just that she would move away from her mom

[@ThrowAway-f6q]

I moved to the other side of the continent. Couldn’t get far away from her quick enough.

[@Shawnne86]

Good for you. Perfect doesn’t exist no matter how much a parent tries to convince you it does and is a specific thing that you’ll inevitably fail to meet every time.

[@otpays8552]

@@mssophiad03wild

[@lisasunshine2973]

If you know a 22/y/o female living with her parents in Salt Lake City, Utah with a mom named Heather, please give her a hug and tell her to hide her journal.

[@dudeorduuude5211]

No, tell her to move out.

[@houstonclt]

I'm Dead 🤣

[@delightschwartz2155]

Preferably in her new apartment lol.

[@elizabethc7801]

They usually change names and locations though. 😅

[@77-ty7gb]

Well her boyfriend is horrible and Heather needs to listen to Mom! Okay, has Mom left???) Heather, create a fake journal and say that he has changed a new leaf, is porn free, feeding the poor, then leave it out on the kitchen counter. Problem solved.

[@nicole9680]

Why in the world is this woman asking her daughter about her boyfriend's porn usage? This call is so creepy, dude.

[@emorris5219]

This mom has insane boundary issues obviously

[@andrew8168]

It's beyond creepy and the caller were male this would be called out.

[@20sunshine]

My therapist once said “ sometimes your parents and family member will only see you as a child no matter how old you get”. This lady is looking at her kids as children

[@mira3498]

As a 27yo women being the youngest in 7 siblings I can confirm

[@worldblazin4209]

Once reaching adulthood its not age but its responsibility. As far as we know, the main only responsibility we understand for the daughter is being in a potential marriage relationship. Honor is a privilege, it must be earned. My sister and her husband are in their early 30s, but they live at my Mom's house. I'm in my early 20s. My Mom instructs us the same. This is regardless of the fact that my Sister and her husband graduated with Bachelors and I'm still working for an Associates. Family dynamics is painful, but it takes investment and appropriate psychoanalysis.

[@worldblazin4209]

Actually erase psychoanalysis and add "cognitive behavior therapy". Oh and family dynamics require love for your religion. And finally family dynamics should not have physical abuse, whether its direct or as a result of instruction. Well bye.

[@warrensloan3467]

@@20sunshine I kept forgetting we were talking about a 22 year old because it reminded me of my high school girlfriend’s parents, except she was 14….

[@impactfully5714]

I agree

[@rocketanalyst]

The guy admiting his problem to his girlfriend is actually a great sign, this is something he could easily hide from everyone but he is being honest with her in sharing his struggle.

[@talyahr3302]

It's not even a struggle. This mom is just a boomer

[@augiemay8677]

To be fair, she just said he admitted to watching it again. It doesn't say whether she had to coax the answer out of him or whether he told her about it of his own accord.

[@fantasyfootballalpha765]

@@talyahr3302 this is a struggle, a big one. It no different than any other addiction except for the fact that it’s openly accepted.

[@geometerfpv2804]

@@augiemay8677 There is very little difference there. The fact that he told her at all is honesty. You'd lie if you were deep in the throws of an addiction.

[@Nexxcraft]

@@talyahr3302 please don't tell me u are female

[@ScoothofWrathchild]

The way she immediately changed her story to make herself look better when he first called her out shows everything. She’s more concerned with being right than doing the right thing

[@hellaSwankkyToo]

OMG i'm so glad someone else caught that!! after that, i didn't trust a word she said.

[@patriciasmith8334]

Dr. John kept trying to get her to see she was driving her daughter away, but she's so in denial about her own behavior she can't see it. And she doesn't respect her daughter enough to believe turning her back on her family is partially or fully her decision. Not sure why she has three adult children living at home. They should consider sharing an apartment so they can live their own lives without their mom's interference.

[@claudiamdfdez]

Yes! I also feel like she's mad she is losing control over her, and that's what's itching

[@Dark_AbsoI]

Noticed it right away. I get he doesn’t want to call her out on her BS and possibly derail the call, but it’s so obvious she’s full of crap. She knows she’s driving her daughter away, but instead of looking internally, she’s looking to blame someone else.

[@patriciasmith8334]

@@claudiamdfdez Exactly!! I know financially it's tough out there for young people, but I'd rather split rent with 2 siblings than live in my parent's house. I think part of her kids still living at home is about her keeping control over them.

[@warrensloan3467]

She walks into his house and is welcome, he walks into your house and knows that you hate him, and they spend more time at his. What a shocking turn of events.

[@geometerfpv2804]

I know! My girlfriends parents created a similar dynamic, and *shock*, she stays at my mom's house now. They wouldn't let us sleep in the same room. We've been together for nearly 10 years...and I'm 33! They say without a ring, we have to be separated. Some 1950's ish. Crazy, cause the parents aren't even that old...and they certainly are not serious about their bible.

[@n4ttyyy]

@@geometerfpv2804Exactly. My mom and older sister dont want me being intimate with my bf, his grandma doesnt care. Surprise, we spend more time with his grandma

[@takethecurseOFFwashingmachine]

“We are really hands off parents”……Alex I’ll take things that are BS for $1,000.00.

[@dudeorduuude5211]

RIP Alex Trebek.

[@Goodfella9887]

Good catch

[@amye4131]

😂😂😂😂😂

[@m_n_a_b]

THIS!! She sounds like anything BUT a hands off "parent" (who no longer needs to be parenting since her offspring are all adults).

[@pirate254]

"We're hands off, I just need to know how often his hands are on himself"

[@ILuvThunderclan]

God, she hasn't absorbed a single thing John said. She just wanted someone to agree with her.

[@aviatrix7774]

Why is she reading her adult daughter's journal? What a sick invasion of privacy.

[@katelynbendinsky5080]

Yes then to immediately put it on air & have it go up on KZbin

[@SD-fj2mu]

Narcissistic/prideful behavior. She enjoys the attention, wants to look like the hero, and get advice on how to control or manipulate her daughter to do what she wants.

[@KG-bliss]

She didn't find anything in any journal... she created everything.... just coz she hates her daughter's BF.... what are the chances of a page containing just the ammo you need... to be open just when you pass by... and it proves he's addicted... dang it!

[@TK_Scott]

​@@KG-blissshe may or may not have read the journal, but one thing is for sure, if she DID read it, she opened it and found the pages to read. Who leaves their journal wide open and in the open???

[@Montytobin]

@@TK_Scott still shouldnt read it

[@ghostophelia2245]

This lady is so obviously lying. The way she back tracks and struggles to say what she means. What a nightmare

[@CE-vd2px]

Judging others while lying profusely

[@archangel5991]

Bro. I hope this woman reads these comments are realizes that the entire world thinks she’s insane.

[@IamRa-18]

I’m really hoping the doc would say something to her.. I haven’t finished watching yet but based on the comments it doesn’t seem like he does

[@KG-bliss]

The Dr is giving her some understanding she doesn't need... she needs to leave this young man alone.... he didn't take her daughter away... she's running away from this woman...

[@sousous31]

Her daughter probably watches prn too 😂

[@ryanzackel2019]

agreed

[@djstuntfox]

​@@sousous31 Great! Then they both can have fun.

[@jazzymichael]

Immediately concerned by the caller saying she is an "empty nester with 3 kids living at home"...

[@talyahr3302]

Meaning NONE of her kids want to interact with her... Jeeeeez. What a boomer.

[@blancoxl]

Ya I’m sorry, living in your house or not, the journal is private.

[@chipdiesel9788]

It blows my mind that people don't get that

[@cocoyeabroom2505]

she read the whole journal

[@TonyCox1351]

@@cocoyeabroom2505”the journal just happened to be laying open to a page talking about pornography, the thing that I hate”

[@csx6910]

You know she was probably in there the entire afternoon reading.

[@katrina3560]

I've experienced journal reading from a parent and past partner in a relationship. It can cause some unexpected things, like for myself, I was unable to consistently keep a journal for some time. Writing my emotions felt very vulnerable and risky. Like everything could and would be used against me😢

[@CD-tw9tv]

Delony not being harder on her for reading the journal is crazy to me. Yes your house your rules for people coming over, drugs, alcohol, etc. doesn’t mean your kids have zero expectation of privacy

[@maxwindom1200]

This woman is completely unbearable and her daughter is trying to get away from her. She is unable to see how nobody wants to be around her

[@Ayaa29048]

Exactly.

[@hadenanderson563]

Most likely, Her husband included!

[@Gioli565]

💯

[@marym2632]

Does This includes her daughter ' isolating' herself? Cause anyone would not be ok having their privacy invaded!!!!

[@joditorkelson8649]

@@marym2632yes

[@kymlouise]

Her daughter’s partner’s sexual proclivities are absolutely none of that woman’s business at all! Omg as a clinical psychologist my professional alarms are SCREAMING 👀 That woman has invaded every single aspect of their relationship & she sounds like she is judge jury & executioner. I would never invade my now adult children’s privacy.

[@bunaynayslay]

How did she invade every single aspect? Her primary concern was the pornography.

[@eleanorwalmsley635]

An overbearing mother who invades that level of privacy, of their adult child is truly detrimental to her child.

[@TuBui2]

Caller is going to have a hard time when she realizes her daughter has a mind of her own and will eventually prioritize her own family over her mom

[@robertacanderson]

That’s not the case they aren’t married. When boyfriends pull girls away and not married that could be a red flag for abuse

[@firefly9838]

This woman is a narcissist. Thats always a hard split.

[@firefly9838]

@@robertacanderson can be sure, but she mentioned his family was involved too... which means it's likely it's her, and him with his family spending time together... by the sounds of this woman I'm sure the girl likes his family better... that does happen... My now wife always had a rocky history with her family but was immediately smitten with nearly my entire family (all successful, mentally mature and stable individuals) that was something she never had and her narcissist mother lashed out as she pulled away. That was not my doing quite frankly I didn't need to, but I wouldn't anyway, SHE chose to pull away... for obvious reasons. It happens. All I am saying.

[@cdawg9218]

​@@robertacandersonit's not a red flag to distance yourself from a crazy woman. If I were him I'd leave that poor girl, there is no way is want a mil like that 🤢

[@joditorkelson8649]

@@cdawg9218😂

[@rykerjensen3724]

Never known anybody who leaves their personal journal out AND open for anyone to read.

[@thickmint5875]

She said she was putting laundry away, which I believe. But I do think it probably was closed when she found it lol. I'll be honest though, as a person who writes and draws to stay sane, I've got tons of sketchbook and journals floating around, whether out in the open or in drawers...and many of them are folded open to the last page I used LOL. But I guess this is only possible when you live alone or trust your parents.

[@sopranosd]

Exactly. This mother went digging for the thing.

[@leahartlee29]

I swear most of what this woman said was a lie. SHE needs a therapist, not that it would do much good, she would probably lie to them, too.

[@dawsonlindahl7427]

John, you’re being WAY too nice to this woman. She IS the problem and it’s so obvious

[@neoalley]

Yeah she is like "he is taking her away", nah he is saving her. He loves her it sounds

[@firefly9838]

@@neoalley bingo

[@sopranosd]

Yeah, why is he treating her with such kid gloves? I mean I like that he's a nice guy, and that he proceeds incrementally, but this time it's he who needs to cut to the chase.

[@Gioli565]

💯

[@jessiesheldon-huffey1824]

​@sopranosd the reason he is treating her with kid gloves is because he is trained as a therapist and understands you can't convince anyone of anything if you totally alienate them first. He is trying to reach her where she is at, not where the rest of us are at.

[@reagan_pereira_]

He constantly tries to not be around you? Gee I wonder why. I barely listened to her for 20 minutes and she sounds unbearable. I can't imagine having to engage with this person on a regular basis. No wonder the daughter's trying to pull away

[@ThroneYT]

“accidentally” read the journal lmaoo

[@JakeHJumps]

I simply tripped and fell onto the open page 😄

[@KG-bliss]

I was passing in the hallway and the journal was open... I could see it from where I was walking... and it had just the confirmation that her boyfriend was addicted...

[@marym2632]

​@@JakeHJumpsshe's Mrs. Goldberg lol

[@somecrz]

No way I just found throne here lol. 100% agree BTW

[@mayamartin7359]

She can’t blame the boyfriend. His cursor just tripped straight onto the p*rn link and then his finger had a seizure on the mouse…

[@YoginiMami]

She's so concerned w/ how her words make her sound, she's not focused on being honest...karen alert

[@chipdiesel9788]

Cant wait for this moms call in 5 years crying that she doesnt get to see her grand baby

[@devonshandsmelt]

YEP.

[@devonshandsmelt]

YEP.

[@TK_Scott]

Yep

[@lefiae9552]

Well said

[@ryanzackel2019]

this is the reasons kids vanish and never speak to their parents again. parents like this.

[@leahartlee29]

Yes, and I can't blame them at all.

[@sydguitar99]

She sounds like the type of mom who would be the reason why their child NEEDS therapy

[@sbentsen2714]

Dang, truth 💯

[@SuzanneQuew-vc4us]

And therapy is a good way to figure out maybe mama doesn’t have my back…

[@m.935]

Here is your original text with the grammar corrected: Lusting after and masturbating to other women is cheating. The trauma of betrayal grows with the idea that "all men do it, so it is okay." There is no one to validate your feelings of betrayal, grief, anger, disgust, and distrust, so you are stuck with them for years, unable to process them the way you could if he had sex with other women. Sometimes, I wished he did that, so I would have the right to process, articulate my boundaries, and leave him when he crossed them. Until I gave myself that right, I couldn’t take responsibility for how I felt and what I allowed. Only then could I stop with the tension and control. I wholeheartedly understand this woman who loves her daughter and doesn't want her to be stuck in a marriage where her husband is unfaithful but justified by, "everyone does it, so it is okay." But that woman probably didn't leave her own husband for it, and she is in no position to teach her daughter self-respect while she herself was willing to put up with it. So she ended up emotionally charged and controlling all the time. It doesn't work that way. Mothers have to show their daughters what it means to respect and love oneself, not speak to them in a controlling way.

[@louisurbancic2206]

Should change the title to "I'm an overbearing mom who wants to make all my daughter's decisions for her." Because that's what's happening, and she's so blind to it that she doesn't realize it's not the boyfriend pulling her away, but that it's herself pushing her daughter away.

[@jamesbassett1484]

This caller epitomizes what I really, really, REALLY dislike about certain people. "He doesn't want to be around us." Well, duh! She's not losing her daughter. She's pushing her away.

[@Justaddblood1]

I wouldn't want to be around my girlfriend's parents either if they were berating me with questions about porn.

[@matt2887]

The mother is actively trying to break this relationship up. Of course he’s trying to avoid them.

[@testaccount01336]

When Dr John started calling her on her bullshit, boy did she start dialing back her controlling behaviour.

[@RachelSings21]

Didn’t she just!!! I noticed that too

[@yogaqueen1527]

This lady is not happy in her marriage or life. She is misrable. So she puts all of her focus on her kids, because she has nothing else to do.

[@ashassassin]

I'm also guessing she's Mormon, based on location. So you're probably very very correct

[@UNcommonSenseAUS]

*BINGO*

[@amaragrace94]

Ding ding ding

[@impactfully5714]

Yes! She needs to get a life.

[@Nicholson_way]

I guess you beat me to it but yeah, I totally agree

[@Emzo99]

Imagine being so sheltered that you make such a big deal out of someone watching porn from time to time. Her life must be exhausting.

[@stamourbeaulieu]

She should watch some.

[@sopranosd]

I'm intrigued by her sexual fascination with her daughter's boyfriend.

[@kristinad8852]

Sheltered? Porn destroys marriages, and this mom is smart enough to know that. These two are young, and she is concerned that even at this new stage of newness, her daughter is not enough of a distraction to distract the guy from his bad habit.

[@jimgold2550]

@@kristinad8852 Porn has been shown to be harmful IF people feel shame about it, otherwise not. It’s not truly addictive, same as ‘sex addiction’. Your response doesn’t get dampened and you need high and higher doses. Like true addiction ie heroin.

[@geometerfpv2804]

@@kristinad8852 You have no idea how bad the habit is. You're listening to the story from a woman who is insane and violating boundaries left and right. Your daughter's partner's sex life is NONE of your business. Read the comments section, the entire world thinks you're wrong on this one. This woman has repeatedly backtracked on and changed her story as John criticized her, we have NO reason to believe she is accurately describing the man's behavior. John asked her about ANY negative signs besides the "porn"...she gave nothing. No disrespect, no being rude to the daughter, no talking down to her, nothing. Her only "negative" was that the man doesn't want to be around the mom (which...OBVIOUSLY). She's just being selish. She has an obsession with the dangers of porn (which yes, are real...but it's not heroin, don't be dramatic), and she has decided her daughter is NOT going to be with this man...WHEN THAT IS NOT HER CHOICE. Daughter is going to cut her off, mark my words. You'd improve your own life if you could realize why this makes sense.

[@skair5425]

This mom needs to get her nose out of her adult kid's business. Also, she's delusional.

[@Christine-dz6wh]

I agree. She should have never read her kid's journal

[@JustinCase780]

She probably fantasizes about the boyfriend. 😅

[@Zachary_Setzer]

True, but it cuts both ways. You can't demand to be treated as an adult when you're still living with your parents.

[@samjackson4640]

@@Zachary_Setzeras an adult you absolutely can, if you cant respect your childs adulthood you shouldnt be willing to let them live with you.

[@JustinCase780]

She probably has a crush on the boyfriend and it drives her nuts.

[@thedavesiknow4598]

I remember when I was a teenager I found out my dad was reading my journal so I started writing shocking things in it. It would be a couple weeks watching him squirm when I finally told him I knew he was reading my journal. Parents - Please do not read your children's journals unless they give permission or they go missing or something and the police need it to search for you.

[@texasdazzlers]

Why did John not absolutely REEM this lady for reading her adult daughter’s journal?! That is a disgusting violation of privacy with no just cause. And don’t try to pull the whole “I was just cleaning her room and happened to see this…” you knew EXACTLY what you were doing. I initially thought this call was about a teen girl, but a 22 year old?! That’s an adult, and who she dates and his habits are not your business. If I were a guy, I can’t say I would want to be around a lady who coerced her daughter into asking me such a personal question either. Butt out, ma’am, or you WILL be out of her life. How do I know? My mom read all of my diaries, snooped through my stuff, and listened in on my phone calls until she practically drove me out of the house at 18. Now I barely talk to her. Thankfully I married a great guy who is good to me. Your daughter might not be so fortunate.

[@genericwhitefemale6752]

He made it clear that he thinks that because the daughter doesn't own the house, she isn't entitled to her own privacy. Usually his takes are pretty good, but I think I'm going to stop listening because of it. That's disgusting.

[@Gunotforlyfe]

Apparently that page of the journal was just sitting there WIDE open for her to read. She wasn't snooping, basically ended up reading it by accident.....yeahhh something tells me that this woman is full of BS 😂😂

[@texasdazzlers]

@@genericwhitefemale6752 For real. So what happens when mom has to live with her daughter and son in law when she can no longer take care of herself? Are they entitled to poke through her private belongings because she lives in their house? Bet she’d be singing a different tune then.

[@texasdazzlers]

@@Gunotforlyfe I’m surprised her daughter writes anything down at all. As someone who grew up with a mother like that, I quickly learned that my thoughts were best kept inside my head.

[@genericwhitefemale6752]

@@texasdazzlers luckily for her, she won't have to worry about her daughter going through her things, cuz her ass is going to end up in a home.

[@gatorloganuf]

“We are relatively hands off parents” I don’t believe that for a flying second

[@mayelasanchez5258]

Hands off... unless they don't choose/do what I want 😅

[@gtetonya]

Nearly every word out of her mouth was a lie

[@happycamper6298]

The journal part is so bad. This mom is the kind that sees no difference between weed and meth.

[@Ben-zr4ho]

True. If watching corn at all is "corn addiction."

[@firefly9838]

You're saying they aren't equally bad?😂

[@cdawg9218]

​@@firefly9838tell me you know nothing about drugs without telling me 😂

[@discospiders]

She could use a bong rip

[@thiakadavra456]

​@@firefly9838 they are not equally bad lol. if you want to make comparisons, I can do that all day. Meth destroys your teeth, it makes you not hungry and sick if you don't smoke it to the point you could die if the addiction is in its deepest levels. Meth will make you steal money from your grandmother. Elon musk has smoked weed, snoop dog smokes weed constantly, these are just public faces of the difference between the two drugs. You could say weed is as bad as alcohol, but the facts don't support that, either. Alcohol addiction causes all kinds of horrible issues, family and health. If you just eat weed, your body isn't harmed at all. Smoking anything causes damage of course, there's no denying that. But cigarettes far outweigh the dangers when it comes to smoking. And two of these drugs you can guy at the corner store... Well I guess 3 now in certain states lol, but I don't live in one of those. In summation, neither is good for you exactly, but meth is a million times worse. If you can't see that, it's because you view the world through a black and white lens with no color receptors, or even gray scale.

[@muzykaml]

This is a classic case of a mother not understanding or respecting boundaries. There is also likely transference going on from the mother. I had to deal with something similar with my MIL after getting married. She likewise had no respect for boundaries and felt entitled to insert her control into every situation despite her daughter being 27. There is a good chance that this mother is leaving out (or is genuinely ignorant to) the fact that many of her conversations are likely emotionally abusive. I had tried to play nice with my MIL until one day I came home to see my wife in tears after her mother had severely berated her on some petty topic simply my wife's actions didn't line up with her opinions. That was the final straw for me. Mother or not - I will never allow anyone to treat my wife that way. Immediately, I had my wife call her parents. This would not stand in our home. Her father was a man of tremendous character; he always respected the new life his daughter and I were forging. In the conversation that followed, her mother made very similar arguments to this caller. That I was stealing her daughter away, destroying their family, etc. It also came to light that much of her resentment came from simply having her fantasy ruined. She regretted that she never made the effort to be close with the FIL/MIL in her own marriage. To her, that somehow justified that my wife and I were obligated to make the effort she never bothered to and place the responsibility of *her* guilt and reget onto us. It was a surprisingly civil conversation - it was only at the end that the MIL insisted we obey because "she is *our* daughter." Hearing my wife being discussed as chattel made me abandon all pretense. I drew my line in the sand; I replied akin to "And she is my wife. We are building our own life together. You have a choice to make. If you want to be a part of that life, you *will* show us respect. We will not tolerate abuse of any kind in our household. If you wish to continue those behaviors, you are not welcome in our life. The same is true for my own parents." That was a turning point in our marriage for the better. Some might think me cruel or overstepping, but my wife saw a man honoring the vows he made and showing that no person or conflict will ever be more important to me than her and her well-being. By accident rather than design, my wife and I had learned that establishing firm boundaries was how you take a marriage from showing rather than telling. I hope the young couple can find the same peace.

[@andiem923]

This is beautifully written.

[@lefiae9552]

Wow this was amazing, I hope y’all are doing amazing

[@Paul.J788]

I can’t even start with the call. I am literally speechless. This lady is out of control. I don’t even know where to start. This poor daughter needs to run far far away from this lady.

[@MaxSujyGermany]

This woman is insufferable, and John has no idea what he is doing during this call. He's a lost puppy.

[@DistinguishedMotion]

He definitely dropped the ball on this one, all he needed to do was say get a hobby and let your daughter live or you’re going to lose her, she is not being tricked…and fyi, the more parents tell children to not do something, they are going to do it more

[@charitysheppard4549]

This lady broke her adult daughter's trust. She sounds terrible. The whole time I'm watching this I'm yelling, "What business is this of YOURS?"

[@mj-rg9kp]

I honestly couldn’t believe when John was like, “Yeah, it’s your house so it’s ok” about her reading the journal. So even as a young adult, you don’t have a right to privacy just bc you live in your parent’s house?? That’s ludicrous to the max.

[@geometerfpv2804]

He goes incredibly easy on women, it really ticks me off sometimes. I know he has traditional views, but come on guy...they are adults. They can be responsible for their actions.

[@l3ossTweed]

The porn was never the main issue she had with the guy, and I'm glad Dr. John caught on.

[@judykeown]

She seemed so focused on porn it made me wonder who in her past had an issue with it.

[@booksquid856]

​@@judykeown So many people have been harmed by porn. Not surprising at all. My biggest issue with the caller would be her refusal to protect privacy. That being said, I was still totally stupid at 22. And later! At age 24 I was still at home and my mom did find out I had written out a plan to harm myself, and she intervened. I don't feel angry with her at all. About porn though ...It rewires the brain, decreases motivation, and destroys a person's ability to be vulnerable and intimate with a real human being. Your pastor right now if you have one is probably addicted to porn. That and probably one of every three males you shake hands with. Wash your hands.😂. But seriously, it is a very toxic problem. And we keep shooing it under the rug by pretending those who mention the harm it causes are just being puritanical. Then we try to blame the loneliness and mental health crisis in society on any other factor.

[@shubes2]

@@judykeown Mormons...

[@nicolettetallmadge3254]

Yeah, I think she still isn’t telling the whole reason. I got the feeling that there’s a specific reason that she’s not comfortable saying outright and the porn is just the handiest thing to pick at. She said that the guy thinks her family isn’t good enough, the fact that the daughter is pulling away makes me think that maybe the daughter agrees at some level? If so, why would she? I love my family and if my boyfriend told me he didn’t think they were good enough, I’d probably find another boyfriend.

[@samanthatheminimalist]

@@judykeownprobably no one, it seems to just be a Mormon/fundamentalist thing to think any porn viewing at any point ever is an addiction.

[@hvnnybee7325]

I was the boyfriend in this situation before. I deal with anxiety and my boyfriend at the time respected that but his parents didn’t. Constantly upset that I didn’t want to sit around with them socializing in their living room. Never made any effort to do something with me all together. So they started telling their son I was keeping him away from them, because he spends all his time with me. Then the son started to feel their pressure and take it out on me. Hovering parents are never what they think they are “just trying to look out for their kid” no you’re trying to mold your kid into who you want them to be.

[@Fayegina]

I would never ever read my daughter’s journal. When I was 11 my brother broke in mine and told my mom I called her a witch and he got grounded. It made me feel safe and trust her 100%. It actually made me more open to her.

[@mirabella2154]

😂

[@samanthatheminimalist]

I love that!

[@AvaEFF]

Omg I love this!!

[@BlueAlien2]

Heather, you are very needy. Do not need your children in that way. You are not her keeper. You’re her mother. Nothing more or less than that. If you dig deep you will be able to be in her life as a mom, trustworthy friend, and companion forever. If you start down the path of sneaky journal reading and challenging her for every choice she makes on her own, you will be toast.

[@wbgookin]

"We are relatively hands-off parents." HAHAHAHAHAHA Yeah okay.

[@scoopmark1]

Notice how there's a lot of "we" and "our" but that she never actually specifically mentions her husband. Could it be that he does not share in her overbearing and dramatic views???🤔

[@pirate254]

"We are hands off parents, i just need to know how often his hands are on himself"

[@danieljohnson4418]

The boyfriend is "needy?" I think the mother is needy, controlling, and overbearing.

[@arianam6430]

When I was in high-school, my bf's mom was like this. If I wanted to go on dates with him- there was always a random family thing that would pop up coincidentally that he felt obligated to attend. And she was always snooping. I'm pretty sure she was telling him I wasn't a good match for him, like this lady is doing with her daughter. I think she was one of those boy moms clinging to him (he was the eldest of 4 siblings, the others all with different dads) for male validation and emotional support. I broke up with him because of her, I couldn't take it anymore.

[@Claudia-lq3ns]

Isn't she a SICK TICKET?? Daaauum!

[@doctorposting]

did john just imply it was within her wheelhouse to read her diary just cause she lives at home? WTFFFF

[@jordananthony6432]

He didn’t imply he legit said that. And he’s right if kids don’t like it move out. Is it an invasion of privacy? Yes it is. Doesn’t change the rules of the home

[@doctorposting]

@@jordananthony6432 except it’s not a kid when it’s a grown adult you turd

[@RachelSings21]

@@jordananthony6432no I don’t agree. Her daughter is an adult…invading her privacy is the wrong thing!

[@BellePal]

Totally! It’s an invasion of privacy no matter how old her daughter is. It’s about respect. It’s far more disrespectful than the boyfriend watching porn.

[@jordananthony6432]

@@RachelSings21 It is an invasion of privacy but that doesn't mean she doesn't have the right. The government reads our private messages wether we want them to or not. We are living on their land we play by their rules. Same goes for property parents own. They can dictate what the rules are and if the person doesn't agree then move out.

[@rustyshackleford6637]

This behemoth of a woman. She sounds unbearable.

[@thabsmkhize2481]

Not a behemoth 😭🤣

[@peytonbair3973]

I screamed😭🤣

[@ms.peregrine]

Lol! I cackled 😂🤣

[@tomasmuir9099]

She has that BPD affect in her voice, extremely grating and full of hate.

[@momof1576]

That woman should be ashamed of herself. What a control freak! This is absolutely none of her business.

[@peterL671]

The daughter moved out and got boyfriend. The mother still can't get over it.

[@mirabella2154]

She didn't move out. The daughter lives at home with her parents.

[@peterL671]

@@mirabella2154 my mistake. Mother sounds like a nightmare and overbearing anyway lol

[@UNcommonSenseAUS]

Hard facts

[@UNcommonSenseAUS]

​@@mirabella2154are you deaf ?

[@Dontrolling]

@@peterL671won’t be long before the daughter moves out if the mother keeps invading her privacy

[@leahsiblerud9537]

I cannot quite imagine any young man wanting to sign up for a lifetime of this being his mother in law. No wonder that kid doesn’t wanna hang out with them.

[@Dark_Souls_3]

This mother is insufferable

[@firefly9838]

If she was my mother I would move to Thailand😭

[@Ciera_Banks]

I feel like the longer this call went on the more bs she was spitting. She sounds like a nightmare to be around. I feel like half the stuff she made up, and the other half is just her feelings (not fact), which simply don’t apply to this young man. She needs to deal with a lot of this on her own. Half the things she said didn’t add up and/or didn’t have the meaning she intended for them to. Like “he said ‘your family isn’t good enough” but he didn’t say that. He said he doesn’t want to be around you. I WONDER WHY.

[@sharonb519]

They are grown!!! Why is this mom all up in their business??! 🤯

[@Elizabethatthebeach]

Because they live with her...🫣

[@JR-ev8ce]

I’m wondering, why are they living in her house?

[@Ben-zr4ho]

​@@Elizabethatthebeach Oh yeah she wouldnt be acting like this if the kid didn't live in her house? Gtfoh.

[@Elizabethatthebeach]

@Ben-zr4ho Nice..😏

[@adamm.6595]

Mother sounds dangerously invasive of her daughters life. She is going to destroy her relationship with her daughter and may even damage her daughters ability to have a normal relationship.

[@HeatherG0707]

Why do I have a feeling that this mother didn't just "find the journal open" but that she went looking for it and read it? This girl doesn't talk to her mom because she doesn't feel safe. What's going to end up happening is she's going to just keep pulling and pulling away from her mom until they have no relationship.

[@laurafprim]

She was snooping for sure. No wonder the daughter does not trust her

[@Ben-zr4ho]

No sht

[@britboyrugby]

I cannot believe her daughter would leave her journal open to that exact page with the knowledge of how her mother is. This woman looked for this.

[@yupyup7up]

This is the first time I feel so strongly about an episode. The daughter's privacy being invaded, the fact the mother is so involved in her adult daughter's life, the idea that a child distancing slightly with age is weird? Someone's entire character shouldn't be smeared because they watch p**n, I think. And I certainly don't think anyone should read anyone's journal EVER. Of course the boyfriend doesn't want to be around the family, he probably feels the judgement from miles away. If the daughter really has gone for someone needy, it's probably because that's a relationship dynamic she's very well used to already!!!!!

[@roberts6644]

I would be disgusted if my Girlfriend’s mom knew this much detail about me. She tries to act like she isn’t controlling but she is white knuckling.

[@nikkaboo1106]

This is my take, I have a daughter and I, very much so, want her to come to me with all her problems no matter what. That might entail hearing some intimate details about other people’s personal lives. It is my job as the older adult and the parent to give her a safe place to come to without worrying about how I am going to behave afterwards. A lot of mothers just do not realize that even though that they might her some pretty outrageous stuff that 1) there are two sides to every story, 2) she might be feeling the way she feels out of past hurt and pain, and 3) you might not like what you hear but you need to keep calm, cool, and collected, talk it out and refrain from calling in podcasts about someone else’s business.

[@M2161]

No parent should be this involved in their child’s sex life after the age of 20. It is none of your business lady! This is for your daughter to figure out, you shouldn’t even want to know about this type of stuff. A journal is private, and now she is jumping to conclusions about him watching porn.

[@Matrimonyncheese]

Sounds like my mom. My mom decided my now husband was only with me for my money and didn't love me. She told me the moment i said i do to my husband all my dreams were dead. Three years later we have a baby on the way, have both gotten promotions and he's still my best friend. I barely talk to my mom now however.....

[@amaragrace94]

So sad when you realize how low your mom/parents actually think of you and your judgement. Like you don't think he could possibly love me? It has to be the money? Wow. Smh.

[@Matrimonyncheese]

@amaragrace94 what is even crazier is I didn't really have any money and only made around 45k 🤣

[@talyahr3302]

​@@MatrimonyncheeseOH jeez 😂 You big ol cash cow!

[@ellenspn]

This totally creeped me out. It was like hearing my mother talking, and changing what she said when she would get called on it. She will wonder when she is 80 why her daughter doesn’t visit her.

[@brain7890]

AHHHHH the open page in a journal, that she didn’t look for

[@mollygirl21309]

That is bull crap. at 22, you are reading her journal? She sounds like a very nosy mother. Dr. John is right 99% of men are into to porn.

[@mollygirl21309]

The daughter should never have told her mother about this.

[@stephenpetersen354]

Right? And it was left open on the page about the point of conflict between them too. Sure it was.

[@brain7890]

@@stephenpetersen354 it’s the go to explanation, they left their phone on the table… so you walked over and went onto it to snoop. Just own it!!

[@imnezu8940]

@@mollygirl21309it’s so clear this mother was lookin for any reason to tell her daughter this man is bad for her. I have a feeling she’d do this to anyone her daughter brought him she sounds like a miserable person and she wants everyone around her to be miserable. This massive emphasis on corn is ridiculous it’s clear he’s not “addicted” even the phrase “he started using porn again” is such a ridiculous thing to say. I mean Jesus it’s not like he’s stealing and smoking fentanyl.

[@Cheeseburge40718]

This woman is full of it. Half of what she said on this call are lies. They never tried to take him out, the journal she supposedly read wasn’t just sitting there wide open, etc.

[@Robin-uu6eg]

This mother has an axe to grind with this guy. It has nothing to do with porn. So many people (including a lot of women) watch porn.

[@alenaadamkova7617]

Tammy Peterson was talking about it recently how "the birth control" affected her mentality when she was young woman. She wasnt aware of any danger, because the pills caused she was more risky... she would put herself in a risky situations, without selfwareness. She had depressions and when she stopped taking the pills she got better. Then she started to take the pills again and her personality completelly changed. Jordan Peterson noticed it too. She noticed the same attitude with modern women, that if thye take "birth control pills" these women put themselves in risky situations without realising it, flirting with strangers...engaging a risky situations. the pills are altering the hormonal cycle,the microbipom of the guts,it affects the serotonin release, but also the mindset. It seems when men put themselvesa in risky situations, they are selfaware and know how to work , but if young women put themselves in risky sutuation, she sinta ware. Maybe people should do meditation then take some pills.

[@Rokashy]

Also she mentions that the guy won't come around the house WHICH MEANS the mom or the parents have been causing issues with this guy

[@CrochetTutorialsGirl]

Just because a lot of people do something it doesn’t mean it’s right. 😊

[@JustinCase780]

She probably has a crush on him.

[@mandi3891]

​@@Rokashy Young people just generally want private space. Me and my husband live near my parents, we have a great relationship with them. That doesn't mean my husband wants to hang around my parents often 😂

[@claymore9359]

Reading your ADULT daughter's journal is a disgusting invasion of privacy.

[@tomnohmy1273]

I don't believe her. Dr J confronted her and she backpedaling. If ur gonna call to speak to a psychologist. At least be honest

[@chocolatewolfe]

She has no integrity.

[@ultra91790]

This woman is definitely the problem. The daughter is choosing to stay with the boyfriend because she is too much. The daughter feels safer with him than with her own family.

[@HauteHorizon]

Snooping in somebody's journal... I already don't like this. Mom has valid concerns about the effects of p0rn consumption. You cannot control who your kids date. At best, you might be able to influence. Does daughter know that her journal needs to be kept somewhere else?

[@JanaeJohnson96]

The part when he was trying to justify the mom reading her daughter's journal totally threw me off 😵‍💫

[@AvaEFF]

This whole call and his advice was disgusting.

[@ChristinaArdem]

Reading a journal is such an invasion of privacy it’s sickening!!

[@NotANameist]

This is off. She’s not able to provide any actual explanation here as to what’s going on, other than that he looked at pornography maybe twice. It’s just off…

[@meganbaril7847]

This woman puts every last inch of my nerves on edge. Wow. It's no wonder the daughter is running to her boyfriend and her boyfriend's family.

[@talyahr3302]

Honestly than God for the boyfriend and his family so she's not completely stuck with that mom.

[@Brianfailedgot2keepontruckin]

This mother is absolutely THE WORST! She cant let her daughter use her own judgement and make her own decisions. She is completely unwilling to take responsibility for any wrong doing whatsoever, and she is going to be a detriment to her daughters life. This call was kind of sickening to listen to. And the way porn is being discussed like a hard drug or something? Im not saying its a good thing, but my God! There is absolutely nothing that boy could do or say that would be good enough for this woman. There is nothing that could happen that would get this woman to look at herself as anything but right about everything and if the daughter doesn't go along with everything she says, she is "losing her daughter". Man. This ladys poor kids.

[@erikamcmullen4769]

I am saying this as a mother of 6 daughters aged 29, 27, 26, 23, 12 and 11......This mom is a control freak. Can you imagine what she will be like when she becomes a grandmother and has to share grandchildren with another set of grandparents? This girl needs to move to another state and live her life. This mom needs to find another outlet for her need of drama. Grown men do not want a mother-in-law like her and her daughters are going to choose the family they are building, not where they came from.

[@firefly9838]

Bingo you called it🎉

[@jonesacademy8187]

Yes. I have 7. 3mos to 19 years. I grew up with a mom like this and I’m therapy and I def talk about her a lot. I will never be this person. I WANT my kids to come to me

[@Ben-zr4ho]

"Hiding it from you..." Yo wtf? Your daughter is supposed to be talking to you, your parents, about exactly how much porn her boyfriend has watched in his life? This woman is WILD.

[@AvaEFF]

The entitlement of religious people is really a shocking thing to witness 😂. “I read your diary and found out your boyfriend watches porn!! How much?? How often??” This woman is a CREEP

[@spaz881]

This mom needs to find a church or a friend group and get her own life. This mother will never have a good relationship with any of her kids if she treats them all like this.

[@mollybosek4941]

The ‘living with your parents was a choice’ thing only goes so far. These days it’s not really a choice for many, and if you are paying rent/making your own way in the world then an invasion of privacy like this should NEVER be equated with cooperating with the rules of a household. I had to set my foot down with my parents about going in my room with me not there and treating me as a fellow adult in the household; our relationship is better than ever. People like Heather make me so so thankful for them, because I doubt she could handle any boundary setting

[@heynow_mt]

You could hear the helicopter mom right when the call started.

[@mustangthings]

That slightly exasperated “why is my child resisting my will” tone comes across immediately.

[@JustinCase780]

@@heynow_mt She has a "Sikorsky" tattoo on her right should and "Bell" on her left.

[@talyahr3302]

Yeah you can literally hear it in her Karen voice

[@cathy7824]

when i found out you read my journal I'd never speak to you again

[@ps2000-f6h]

4:23 “this is your relationship..” then why don’t you trust your 22YEAR OLD daughter to worry about her own boyfriend and resolve her own “issues” (which here it’s not even an issue🤷🏻‍♀️) Yeah the journal just happened to be open at that exact page

[@BreonaWilson]

I did this when I met my boyfriend now husband..I couldn’t stand my parents cause they were HELICOPTER PARENTS. This mom needs to back off and stop grilling.. it’s none of your business what porn there watching or there relationship

[@nancy180world]

I’m trying to figure out why him watching porn is any of this woman’s business…

[@mollygirl21309]

There are things children can share with their parents but others should not. I personally think this is one that should have not been shared.

[@PS-qn4oz]

She's calling from Utah so I just assume they're Mormon.

[@xsgtxbigboy1655]

@@mollygirl21309it’s not his parents a random lady telling him he can’t watch porn? loll

[@booksquid856]

Just curious...Is it the mom's business if the boyfriend shoots up?

[@patriciashearouse1449]

​@@PS-qn4oz Dear God!

[@ms.peregrine]

OF COURSE HE DOESN’T WANT TO HANG OUT WITH YOU!! You have no boundaries and you’re the needy one! It’s infuriating. The lack of self-reflection. You can’t control your daughter and it’s going to make her despise you. It’s such an invasion of privacy for the boyfriend too.

[@Sunshine4]

I have a Mom like the caller. She is a great Mom but I don’t go to her anymore with relationship things. She pushes her opinion and ignores what I want.

[@Elara_Luna]

I've experienced similar. Sometimesnits better to love people from a distance, especially when they can't respect boundaries!

[@Ben-zr4ho]

If shes anything like this Karen shes NOT a good mom... A LOVING mom maybe.

[@deusexmachina9776]

then how is she a great mum when her kid doesnt trust her?

[@cdawg9218]

Just struggling to see how that's 'great mom' material.....

[@mirandagarcia9334]

Heather broke a lot of trust casually reading her daughter’s journal, that alone gives reason to the daughter actively pulling away.

[@kpeezyforsheezy]

There’s no way this Mother is still married. I have a feeling she chases away everything pure that finds themselves in her circuit. If she is, I imagine there’s a lot of secrets being withheld

[@Ben-zr4ho]

If she is... Poor husband. I bet he watches a lot of corn. Lol

[@nicktaylor2287]

Best hometown friend disappeared for a year after we finished college cancelled phones, deleted social media, moved states. I was hurt until a random person contacted on instagram, it was him in disguise. He apologized and explained what psychos his parents were the entire time I knew him, just utter control freaks. I get these feelings from her

[@dakotasikes6690]

She's back pedals everytime john corrects her , ya know, well, um, ya see ah

[@CalebSalvatore]

This woman made her mind up long before the call was made.

[@BringTheParty]

That mom won’t think anyone is good enough for their daughter.

[@Roosterboi21]

That was my take. She is grasping for anything she can find to prove this guy is bad.

[@MadCatLady28]

This mother has zero boundaries. Her daughter will skip town with whoever offers her the fastest way to get as far from them as possible.

[@SilentStormParadox]

If i was the bf i wouldn't want to be around this lady either. She sounds very intense judgemental and controlling. She keeps lodging stones at him when she is the bad guy creating all the problems from the get go.

[@Not-Really-Watching]

And she knows about his private habits. Gross.

[@ILuvThunderclan]

I love that people forget that women watch porn too. Lol. I get that porn addiction is toxic in any relationship, but the absolute demonization of porn in general is ridiculous. If you are uncomfortable with it in your relationship, that's fine. That's a boundary that matters to you, cool. But shaming any use of it and using it to judge other's morality isn't fair, for any gender.