I INSULTED My Boyfriend In Front Of All Of His Co-Workers r/Relationships

[@CyeOutsider]

Who sleeps with 4 co-workers?! Is he trying to create sexual harassment lawsuits for his company? Very unprofessional and tacky.

[@rickraber1249]

Yeah, well his friends DID call him "f_ckboy" for a reason. Kind of typical for a young male.

[@Batman-lg2zj]

Don’t judge people

[@CyeOutsider]

@Batman-lg2zj I can judge people all I like. His behaviour is unprofessional, and he's lucky it hasn't come to the attention of HR. Plus, bumping into you F buddies at work on a daily basis? Tacky as all hell. Not to mention, poor judgement.

[@CyeOutsider]

@rickraber1249 I've worked in a corporate environment all my life and if any young males were porking their way through the female staff, I didn't know about it. That's the way it should be.

[@sleepyearth]

@@Batman-lg2zj Lucky we are not Christians.

[@jameshutchinson2817]

His "friend" is upset that Ben slept with his gf and decided to stir shit up on purpose. "Make sure everyone in your boat is rowing and not drilling holes when you arent looking. Know your crew."

[@Ivy94F]

Right??? Why are these ppl running their mouths about his past to his gf anyway? I would NEVER insert myself into their relationship like that. But it also sounds like he knew what they were like and STILL said nothing.

[@jameshutchinson2817]

@@Ivy94F exactly, it's such a cringe move to even take the conversation in that direction, even more so with someone you barely know

[@xelectrix]

Outside of a specific type of work, sleeping with co-workers seems like a bad idea.

[@amandasunshine2]

No, even that line of work. Getting involved with coworkers is always a bad idea.

[@kawaibakaneko]

​@@amandasunshine2Yep, my doctor lost his secretary so his wife became the knew one. They were divorcing before one year passed. They were married for *decades* before that

[@8LyJu8]

Yes. It is one of my main rules since forever, and it was reinforced when 2 coworkers started dating (man-woman) and the guy ghosted the woman the weekend before his vacations. Then they tried again in an open relationship (that I have seen fail in 100% of cases). Eventually they broke up and the woman changed jobs.

[@mossj9636]

Lol always reminds me of the quote "don't shit where you eat"

[@myeternalteardrop]

@@mossj9636 or not dipping your pen in the company ink

[@holdfast1979]

That first story… Right before I met my now wife, I had a (very incompatible) one night stand with a woman living in the same building as me. I told my now wife towards the beginning, just in case any weirdness came up. It never did. I don’t think you should leave that kind of possibility to chance when you want a successful relationship. Disclose early and let them decide how to move forward with that stuff. Chances are, you’re saving yourself a lot of drama.

[@paulagoeringer9466]

Besides everything else, why would you bring your current partner into a social situation with several of your past sexual partners without warning them? That's not something anyone should be blindsided by.

[@Drezha3]

Look at it like this. With how OPs thought process seemed from her comments and post. Imagine how the story would be if there was a holiday party and he didn’t invite her

[@restinwalken]

Especially knowing His Friends like to get him annoyed. With Friends like that they usually have no problem using SO's to get the rise they are wanting. Besides BF should have know OP'd want to know about one night stands/hookups. When they discussed their past "relationships" because of the relationships she talked about. Bf "I don't consider these relationship" is a bs copout. His new/soon to be GF is talking about one of hers that was similar. Probably should let her know about the ones I've had that were not really a Relationships, in my eyes. Because she obviously see it differently. The brainlet🤦🏼‍♀️

[@yourlocalcoffeeaddict9603]

​@@restinwalken Fr, hookups are sexual partners 😭. You can't just NOT include them??? Especially when you work with them??? Sure op could of handled it better but she's right, he IS the office slut.

[@jayman6151]

Lol imagine if a dude called her a slut and stole her car and stranded her there

[@hubbachubba1]

Yes, agree. The best thing would be to avoid a situation like that, but last resort, disclose.

[@kristelneedtoknow3207]

Story one. I hate these stories if the genders where reversed than she would have been dumped in a heart beat. But since the guy lied about his past and the girl found out in a embarrassing way its no problem. The double standard are mind blowing at this point.

[@dulcecaramel]

Or maybe, just maybe, its wrong to sIutshame peopIe regardIess of gender?

[@simonbrushes]

BS, if roles were reserved OP would have been tarred and feathered for shaming her. As a women who actually would like to see equality at some point in my lifetime. It is real shame to see us women holding ourselves back.

[@xandold742]

what lmao its predominantly women that get slut shamed and then the guys that do it get dog piled on the internet when they what are you talking about

[@momo382844]

They would’ve called OP the office bicycle if the roles were reversed.

[@nightstarstar1]

Exactly, if this were a woman everyone would’ve said he should run. He absolutely would not have been willing to let it go and he Wouk e dumped her in a heartbeat. I don’t know how she thinks this relationship is going to survive because this guy’s attitude is so belligerent and I doubt someone who is that sexually irresponsible is suddenly going to be different.

[@johnbradbury8610]

Op has a strange definition of a perfect relationship.

[@johnbradbury8610]

Op is definitely going to have to give another update. This relationship is doomed.

[@ravenfox926]

When I and my husband went to a party, it turned out we both had people there wed had sex with (two, in my case, shrug). I warned him and he warned me, so when one inevitability came up to stir crap (it was the girl he'd been with), I was ready and just cocked an eyebrow at her when she EXPOSED HIM (her words). She looked pretty disappointed I wasn't pissed. Oh well.

[@sleepyearth]

Yea that's the gist of the problem. Both of you guys warned each other. OP's bf fucked around in a professional workplace is just asking for trouble.

[@Ivy94F]

IKR?? Why would he take that kind of moment away from his gf?? Lol. Its epic.

[@paulastiles5507]

And that's the thing. You knew each other's body count. You knew it would factor into whom you met at the party. You forewarned each other and had each other's backs. He, on the other hand, acted just like a cheater and guy who sleeps with half the office. Well, this is not the 1960s and he ain't Captain Kirk.

[@ravenfox926]

@@paulastiles5507 always wondered why Kirk never got space herpes

[@EphemeraImaging]

@@ravenfox926 Yeah, Kirk was a sleaze, lol.

[@troubleinthevalley5884]

He let her go into a room full of women he'd slept with and she even hung out with one half the night and he just assumed nobody was going to say anything. That would make me feel stupid and lied to. Especially if he mentioned the one girl why not just be honest about all of them so I can at least make an informed decision if I want to be friendly with them or not? I wonder if he's mad at his friends for outing him or just her?

[@Nicole55173]

Literally why is everyone crying about slut shaming, he’s dating her, so he knows her and could’ve guessed her reaction. He should have given her a heads up instead of letting her look stupid in a room full of people in on information she didn’t have. NOT TO MENTION he is actively around those women every day so it’s not just a past fling it’s something you need to mention to your partner. I would’ve dumped him tbh.

[@terra_the_nightingale135]

I think because using the word slut itself was pretty bad. Not her anger at him.

[@rickraber1249]

The problem is, you get lambasted with info like that and your head feels like it's going to explode. Oh, I'm in a room full of people my bf has slept with, and some turkey just shoved that in my face? And I'm supposed to stay calm cool and collected? Not likely. @@terra_the_nightingale135

[@troubleinthevalley5884]

@terra_the_nightingale135 see that's the problem though. Everyone is focusing on the fact that she used that word instead of his actual Behavior so it's all getting twisted onto her being the bad guy and he's getting a pass when he's 99% in the wrong. Sure, she could have phrased it differently or used a different word but the sentiment still stands. Using the word slut doesn't automatically erase all of that.

[@troubleinthevalley5884]

@Nicole55173 exactly everyone is so focused on the word she used somehow it's completely erasing his behavior for them. Bunch of woke leftist liberals too busy telling people how to speak to actually pay attention to the topic being spoken on

[@moonlightauras1]

Story 1 was so embarrassing. He kept talking about how humiliated he was, but his friends already knew about everything he did, OP didn't because he deliberately kept it from her. If anyone was humiliated it was her and she let him guilt her into apologizing and letting it go. I wouldn't be surprised if there is much more he's keeping from her and this situation told him that he can continue getting away with it. A true fuckboy through and through.

[@las9582]

She doesn't respect herself at all.

[@ElleD308]

I don't know, I found OP pretty judgy. She disliked everyone and judged everyone without even meeting them. I don't like her cuz she must still be attracted to him, I don't like them cuz they're rich, I don't like them cuz they make more than me so they must be obnoxious, I don't like... Blah blah... I don't know if they bf kept that info closed since 1, it wasn't in her time so it's not her issue, 2, who knows how she would've reacted with all her daily judgements. Plus she stole HIS car and left him 🤣😂 She's insane. I don't get the obsession of knowing every single person your partner slept with and then act like a victim when shit hits the fan

[@gigga143]

facts, if everyone in the office knows you sleep with a good portion of your coworkers how are you embarrassed? she was the one humiliated by him putting her in that situation and not telling her.

[@RequiemPoete]

Wrong. You are not owed a manifest of your partner's exes, abd its not lying to not divulge info that's not their business.

[@kaneki18-d1t4]

​@@RequiemPoeteSorry but you're absolutely in the wrong here. OP told her boyfriend about her past and was honest about it but he wasn't. He was lying to her and thought that it would be ok. He's not mature enough to actually take responsibility and accountability for his actions and he never will be. He's a grown ass man but doesn't know how to treat a woman decently. He doesn't even know how to be a decent person or else he would've apogolized straight away instead of running away like an actual child

[@logirl1975]

Story 1: He lied by omission when she asked about his history. What else has he decided she didn’t need to know? He got upset that she didn’t text him sooner when he told her not to text at all until he did. He still doesn’t see that keeping info to himself when asked was wrong and not conducive to trust. Instead he let her go in blind. And to be clear, it’s not about who or how many he slept with. It’s that he wasn’t honest when asked.

[@BNezzy]

No he didn't lie by omission, he told her at the time it was only gfs he was disclosing not one night stand type of hook ups. stop twisting facts. She didn't ask for his body count list. Why is it important to know your spouses sex partners of past? What good does it do? It doesn't change anything. OP has no right or reason to need to know. If her excuse to know is because he works with them, my question is why does that matter? If you think it may cause him to cheat than you and OP shouldn't be in a relationship then as you have your own trust issues that are YOUR problem. BF, from info in story didn't do anything wrong. He didn't lie. He didn't omit. OP doesn't know that one can have sex and not be attached (especially men), as she admits this is due to her OWN limit sexual and dating experience.

[@yvonnes3064]

@@BNezzy OP absolutely has the right and need to know if she's expected to spend time soccially with these women. Her BF knew her nature, and that it would bother her so he kept it hidden. This result is his fault for not being open. I think OP should have dumped him. If she thinks this is the last of his ONS skeletons-in-the-closet, she's going to be deeply dissapointed. Since she's only had one partner, and he's had many, and that bothers her, they are fundamentally not well suited for each other.

[@happygolucky9004]

​@@BNezzy"why is it important to know your partners sex partners of past" it's extremely important. I always ask my partners for the #of sex partners they have and if those sex partners themselves slept around. High risk partners & # of partners is important to know for STDs. Being in the biomed field for a while there are many STDs that are not regularly tested for including HPV. Someone needs to make an informed decision. A partner with 100 past sexual partners is much higher risk than someone with 3.

[@DragonbornMike-ym2er]

​@@BNezzyThese aren't just random hook ups neither of them are likely to see or interact with. These are people he's with nearly daily that he's been dishonest about his past with. That is absolutely something that should be told. If this was a girl who had slept with a bunch of her guy friends, nobody would even be debating it.

[@BNezzy]

valid points. If the concern of high body count is an issue for the other partner, a better route would be to ask the slutty partner to get tested for all the rare STDs that you mention don't get tested for. Nothing wrong with asking, but also nothing wrong with declining to answer that question. IF one isn't comfortable with that then obviously the partnership isn't a match. These situations where one partner is a ex-slut and the other is a 1 or 2 person body count commonly have these types of issues as basically the two people have lived 2 very different lives and see things differently when it comes to sex and disclosure. @@happygolucky9004

[@thatwitchychick2717]

Yikes. Idk if i could have moved forward when he REFUSED to apologize for anything at all. Like it or not, they both did things that warrant an apology and the fact that he didnt take responsibility for his part in this mess would be a deal breaker.

[@Dee-jq2ob]

She doesn’t owe him one, he’s the slut

[@traetrae11]

This! I would have dumped him just for not taking any accountability in his part in creating the situation.

[@aphelion4616]

@@lharchmage6908 His past wouldn't have mattered had he been completely open and honest about it. He just told her about the one at work, not FOUR of them. Now yes, she shouldn't have had her outburst, but he should've been completely honest.

[@ettinakitten5047]

@@lharchmage6908 Does she still see those four people basically every day?

[@lharchmage6908]

@@ettinakitten5047 yes they were co workers

[@potatoempress5731]

Nahhh I don't wanna date someone who slept around the office. That's HR, STD, and emotional disaster brewing.

[@otravis676]

I can definitely understand op's reaction to being blindsided. You think you know a person then get slammed with some intel that just blows your perception of that person right out the water and it takes a bit to think it over and come to your senses.

[@kimberlyterasaki4843]

Honestly, the BFs reaction tells me that OP is not the asshole. He refuses to apologize for a lie of omission and seemingly knew his friends would probably tell her about his past encounters. And then he gives her the silent treatment for a week. OP could have handled it better but boyfriend handled everything so much worse imo

[@Rael0505]

I disagree completely. OP’s behavior was unacceptable, shaming him like that in front of his coworkers. It’s normal to have a sexual past. As long as it didn’t happen during the relationship, OP shouldn’t have been so insecure. Unacceptable behavior

[@lolallday08]

​@Rael0505 Nah. If you omit and lie about one thing, you'll omit and lie about more if you think it's innocent enough to not mention. It's the inherent dishonesty that is the problem.

[@Rael0505]

@@lolallday08 why does it matter if it was before they dated? Since when does a partner have to disclose the identity of every person they ever had sex with? That’s weird

[@notaperson6646]

@@Rael0505 he told her about one girl but didn’t tell he t about the rest why mention her if none of them ment anything ?

[@Rael0505]

@@notaperson6646 because one of them he was in a relationship with so it was more serious

[@kmbaldwin5325]

Regarding the first story, I think a lot of people would feel (but not necessarily react) the way OP did. After finding out something like that was kept from you, it would be really difficult for most people to not be asking themselves “what else has been kept back from me?” I would seriously be wondering what other questions he hadn’t fully answered because he didn’t feel it was relevant or a big deal.

[@hm5468]

Story 1 is a clown fest. She let that dude walk all over her and play the victim. I can see hiw that’s gonna go from a mile away

[@RequiemPoete]

Op was in the wrong. You are not owed a manifest of your partner's exes.

[@chunglu]

@@RequiemPoete "you are not owed honesty from your partner" is a bold statement to make. feel bad for your partners, if they even exist.

[@RequiemPoete]

@chunglu Nice strawman. Sexual history BEFORE your exclusive isn't owed to your partner. The only that matters to your relationship is: "Do you have kids?" "Do you have a clear STD test "or "Do you have a crazy stalker ex"

[@duboisstewart8265]

@@RequiemPoete They were both in the wrong in this situation. If the partner is going to be affected by your partner history you NEED to let them know. It's very manipulative to try to get out of your sexual history by saying "it shouldn't matter". It DOES.

[@bautistalover]

@@chungluhe was honest. Just because she has a different idea of what is a relationship then he does doesn’t make him a liar.

[@Ratboyf]

Story 1: The amount of people he slept with is irrelevant. It's the fact he lied about it to her, then invited her to a space where he knew it could possibly come up and blindside her. The lying is the issue

[@davidnash8208]

Where did he lie?

[@Ratboyf]

@@davidnash8208Lies of omission.

[@Clyde-S-Wilcox]

​@@davidnash8208 Lie of omission.

[@hi_stranger9156]

Story 1: Sleeping with four women at work is poor professional judgement. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who is so reckless on the job. Not telling you about it and taking you to an office party is also bad judgement. It’s not a stretch that someone would gossip to you at the party. That’s a tough way to find this out. I think it’s common courtesy to warn your current partner if they are going to meet your ex or fling. It’s intentional obtuse to sleep around and work and then be like ‘bUt ItS mY pRiVaTe LiFe.’ That sh*t ain’t staying private, dude.

[@logirl1975]

Agreed. I would add that if your partner asks about your previous history your are obligated to answer truthfully, and willfully leaving out information is still a lie. If you can’t be honest then you shouldn’t be intimate.

[@jonathanheffernan110]

😂😂😂😂😂

[@nikkismith5490]

This. And the fact he said “I didn’t count them because they weren’t relationships”. My ex who intentionally hid partners from me did the same sh**. He knew he should have told her.

[@jborrego2406]

So how many ppl have u slept with, what have u tried in bed . Since it's ppl business to know

[@rumooooni]

The dude is a std lying mess we don't know if he did stop the flings since the relationship is garbage in the first place

[@etoileshine1011]

He slept with 4 female coworkers? That's incredibly unprofessional and I wouldn't want to date someone who's known for being a fboy at work! That would be embarrassing to even think about. Not only that I would lowkey be distrustful of him like why did you sleep with 4 of the women your supposed to be working with? Call me stupid or insecure but I wouldn't want to date a man who can't be JUST friends with women.

[@captainfluffypaws7068]

Or maybe it's just baggage we don't want to deal with

[@etoileshine1011]

@@captainfluffypaws7068 Baggage? Baggage of what?

[@puli_dreadhead]

@@etoileshine1011baggage of sleeping with coworkers, that’s so unprofessional and inappropriate. Former coworkers is whatever because you don’t see them every day/other day/week but the fact that he still has to see them there is a possibility of lingering feelings and inappropriate behavior.

[@etoileshine1011]

@@puli_dreadhead Oh I get it now.

[@wickiwo1098]

That boyfriend is HR's worst nightmare and, given his astounding lack of judgment on whom to bonk, his boss would be wise to fire him.

[@kateemma22]

He IS the office sl*t. Reddit can get as high and mighty as they want but he slept with half the office, didn't tell his partner, and openly said it wasn't a relationship it was just sex. That's the literal definition of a sl**.

[@thatdellgirl14]

😂 i was thinking like she didn't lie. I get people don't like judgment but come on he literally ate were he dumped

[@trout512]

Ikr? I don't like looking down on people for being promiscuous, it's your body, do what you want with it as long as you don't hurt others. But being promiscuous and lying about it to a partner is a whole other ball game. That does hurt someone, quite a few someones actually. It hurt OP obviously, but a lot of people don't wanna see this crap in the workplace. If you don't wanna get called out on your behavior, the only way to avoid that is to avoid the behavior.

[@kp2223]

That was exactly my first thoughts. If the genders were reversed, everyone would be telling OP to dump his s***** girlfriend who was the office s***

[@KarmaTheDragon]

ngl the slut shaming comment was a bit annoying like we know if the tables were turned it would have been "yeah she was a slut" tbh the update pissed me off cause her bf should have apologized, that one comment about the woman who warned her husband was right, its better to just tell someone straight up so that way op could have handled that with more grace. if it was me tbh and i knew about those other women i would have joked back with something like 'what are you jealous he got more action than you ; )' like it could've been a playful joke had the bf just been honest and not a liar

[@aprilfox9205]

The funny thing is he said Oh I don't count hookups just past girlfriends. You know he's at like 60 girls or something and knew if he told her she would've moved on.

[@BoxOKittens]

This isn't just "in the past" it's people he still sees every day. If the genders were reversed then reddit would vilify the partner as a snake, but he's a guy so it's "his business"

[@Azulakayes]

The fact is that he is a shameless sl*t whether reddit wants to admit it or not. By them calling OP the A-hole or by bullying her to not 'slut shame', they have basically convinced her that she is wrong and that she should stick to this foul man. He is foul in his behavior at the office, for not being truthful to OP about his harem and for not even apologising. I know we are in a s*xual revolution but the office...c'mon. That man is a prime candidate for cheating in the office given his utter lack of professionalism and moral values.

[@videofan1010]

Drop the irrelevant and incoherent reverse the genders comments please. I can't even follow this one.

[@xandold742]

lol what? guys are the main ones that talk about a womens body count and they get clowned for it idk what world you live in

[@bjtaylor-j9w]

This is American. In American culture, and law, men cheating is seen as a mans' 'right'.

[@LoveK1]

@@bjtaylor-j9wstop it. Cheating is huge in MANY countries both western and eastern. This is every much a double standard.

[@kailiek2402]

Story 1: might be an unpopular opinion but not being able to admit when you’re wrong and apologize is a red flag that is break up worthy. She may be happy with the outcome now but for how long and how many different arguments will she be okay with him not accepting responsibility ? Sounds like a recipe of her never being heard and put in a people pleasing position where she gets rid of boundaries and expectations to placate the relationship.

[@chinaking918]

Oh yeah I can foresee her walking on eggshells in the future. 😬

[@pippo17173]

​@chinaking918 I go a step futher and say he is cheating now. I'm waiting for that update in the future.

[@Enriquez2222]

Yeah as much as she went off, this guys is grimy. I can’t stand people who can’t accept their faults.

[@ineedhoez]

Hell yeah....

[@bautistalover]

@@Enriquez2222what fault was that because he has a different definition of relationship then she does? He told her about his 1 ex girlfriend. He doesn’t classify hookups as relationships no one I know does either. This was a miscommunication that OP escalated to a different level by blasting him like that. She doesn’t need an apology because she was in the wrong. Asking the wronged party to apologize for reacting is just placations for the original AH. Had she came to him privately 1 on 1 and asked him to explain and blew up like that then yes he would’ve needed to apologize.

[@utha5034]

Story 1: He didn’t apologize? Sounds like a person who just wants to ‘win’ a disagreement. While i agree she shouldn’t have overreacted the way she did, he should realize that this is the result of being blindsided. WHICH he experienced this exact same situation before, but she DID inform him so he wouldn’t be blindsided. So, unless he’s just dumb, I think he’s just an a$$ for not apologizing for his own hand in the events that transpired. They BOTH could do better.

[@justinthompson6364]

He sounded pretty petulant in the update. Sounds like he's ashamed of his past, so he wanted to bury it and projected his negative emotions onto OP when he couldn't

[@xegin1572]

To me it's not the fact he refused to apologize, but that he refused to even acknowledge OP feeling blinsided as part of the issue. Between that, the "why didn't you contact me sooner" despite telling her not to, the "I was gonna contact you today" despite clearly having made no self reflection taht ould prompt that, and his cold behavior that suddenly stopped once she apologized and stopped pressing the issue, everything there really rubs me the wrong way. I'll leave him the benefit of the doubt because I may be reading too much into this, but still, that's a lot of red flags, and looks a lot like calculated withdrawal of affecting and attemped gaslighting.

[@brandyb2931]

He doesn't owe her an apology. She completely overreacted. Her reasoning was "other people know more about my boyfriend than I do." Well that's a given because the guy had an entire life going on before they met. In my mind, nothing that can cane before matter. Especially if it was once years ago.

[@BNezzy]

When did the BF experience being blindsided by OP by talking to one of her previous sexual encounters? I think you are getting a commenter reply mixed up with OP story. OP and BF shared past partner experiences not sexual partners. She didn't ask for a body count number and list of individual names (which i think is despicable asking for) when they disclosed only gfs. So what was he supposed to do just drop this bomb on her as they walk into the event or a few hours prior? That he needs to make her aware of every girl he sees that he slept with at one point in this life? That's messed up. BF had nothing to apologize for. OP straight up stole his car, stranded him at a party, got made at him for calling him "the office slut" and she should get a apology? lol. and to replies i see to your comment, what's wrong with a person regretting their sexual past and not wanting to be reminded of it day after day? That they realized what they did was a mistake, that they don't want it hung over their head for the rest of their life? OP said she knows his past and is ok with it, but it doesn't seem like she is and doesn't seem like a bunch of you are as well....

[@utha5034]

@@justinthompson6364 insightful. I agree about his probably projecting his negative emotions.

[@podlingspodcast551]

I was in this situation. EX had a lot of fun within the work place and large friend group. I never asked about his past just trusted he was with me now. Then "past flings" started popping up. When i asked questions he started with, "it's history it shouldn't matter". News flash, it wasn't history it was infidelity, trickle truthing then gaslighting and emotional abuse. Dump him. He accepted no accountability and cold shouldered you until you caved. It will only get worse.

[@montana-road-kill-harvest]

agreed. there was something so manipulative about his response to this incident. good heavens, the guy slept with FOUR of his co-workers. FOUR.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

Story 1: The boyfriend lied by omission and gaslit her into cowing and apologizing, yet didn't give her the same courtesy. I don't believe for one minute he would've called her. This was a power play and because of OP's spinelessness, her boyfriend now holds all the power in their relationship. He now knows he just needs to ignore her and she'll submit to his will. She shouldn't have stolen his car, but I don't blame her for being upset at his dishonesty. I hope she grows a spine one day and moves on to something better.

[@DragonbornMike-ym2er]

Yeah, I think the car thing is the only AH thing she actually did. Her comment to him was relevant and honestly fair. He was the office slut. And then he lied about. And he's all shocked Pikachu face when his GF isn't happy about his lies of omission. And he holds no accountability for his behavior. Can't even give a self forced apology. OP really needs a spine.

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

All the bf wrong doings fade in comparison to what she did, calling him a slut in front of his colleagues and them steal his car is irredeemable. That's why she is ok with him not apologizing back bc she knows she lost all moral high ground standing. She is very very immature person.

[@andrewperry9463]

@@gostavoadolfos2023Fade? Nah. He still lied his ass off and gaslit the hell out of her until her insecurities about the minimal amount she did wrong overtook his consistent emotional abuse. As a polyamorous slut, nah, dude’s a tool. Relationships, no matter the type, are built on trust and communication, and he shattered both. Hope eventually there is an update where she realizes her worth and kicks that wretch out of her life.

[@bhart3321]

HERE FUCKING HERE! You're spitting nothing but facts here.

[@johnbradbury8610]

Thats the problem with forgiving cheaters, he's got her wrapped around his finger

[@josephmbimbi]

Story 1: I am baffled the bf didn't also apologize for blindsiding. As someone pointed out in the comment, he sounds like the type of guy who just wants to "win" arguments. OP does what she wants, but that alone gives me "ick", i don't know if i would break on the spot (easier said from a distance than done when involved), but i would 100% reconsider the relation. Also, about "slut shaming", people do whatever the hell they want, but you have to be aware that it may matter to others, including your partner, imho you 100% must disclose your past to let your (future) partner make an informed decision on whether or not to continue with the relation.

[@AndyyWithAY]

These bosses that want to hold employees to the letter of the law are always the ones not acting appropriately. Make sure your affairs are in order before you worry about others. She got fired for her own actions, no one else's

[@Swnsasy]

Exactly my take on it too! I have to say that was some malicious compliance even though it didn't start out that way 🤣

[@TheEDFLegacy]

In this case, almost literally!

[@rhiannoncarney9380]

1st Story: NTA!!! I just about cracked a rib from laughter when I read the " Office Slut" comment!!!! That was TOO FUNNY and if the boyfriend could get his head out of his butt he'd realize how funny it is too!!!

[@Cassandra765]

Story 1: I think everyone sucks in this story, but the bf is getting off way too easily. OP does sound insecure and calling him the office slut and storming off was definitely too much, but I'm sorry, inviting your gf into a room with a group of women you've banged and not informing her just comes across as shady to me. It's also stupid on his part considering he knows his friends like to joke about his past behavior. He should've been prepared for that, instead he let OP get used as a pawn for laughs. Idk, if I were OP, I'd be wary with the bf because who knows what other stuff he hides from her just because, in his mind, it's irrelevant.

[@BNezzy]

wait, you say BF invited her to a room w/ a group of girls be banged??? It was a work party with co-workers. You don't even know how many ppl were there lol. From story all we know of is 2 women he slept with, Molly and Stef, were there. The other one left the company already and no confirmation the 3rd was there. If the party consisted of 50 people, would 2 ppl there that he slept with be classified as a "room w/ a group of women he slept with"? I think not. A group is generally classified as 3 or more people. Given we only have confirmation 2 women he slept with were there, you saying a group of women isn't even correct. Why would he tell her? She admitted in updates that if he would have she would have been bothered and wouldn't of had as good of time. He was being compassionate in keeping the ill relevant info out so she could be more relaxed and enjoy herself. OP knows he was a man slut growing up, she knows he has numerous gfs and doesn't even know his body count. She said she is ok with him having a slutty past but yet is not ok seeing is partners. If he was as active as the story makes it sounds, he'd be having to give her heads up of past sex partners every other day and outing. You seem to be the type of woman who wants to have her cake and eat it too.

[@paulabarbosa3914]

Absolutely agree with everything you said! I don't need to be told about my bf's previous partners, but if I am to meet them in a social setting I should know about them beforehand.

[@FirstNameLastName-mg1px]

Agreed! I also am wary of those who have the capacity to hide things, no matter how small. People like that just give me the ick, I appreciate honesty from the beginning.

[@PinkMarshmallows]

Nah, only the bf is the AH. He should have told OP about his flings before hand and if he didn't want to be called a slut, then he shouldn't have been one.

[@BNezzy]

wow, with this opinion you must very very against the current modern women movement and narrative that's been consuming the western world. What feelings of his are you referring to btw?@@PinkMarshmallows

[@clarissagafoor5222]

Story 1, OP was lied to, by omission. She needs to move on because this will happen again!

[@nicoleguiterrez9337]

onces a cheater always a cheater she needs to run for the hills that man ainit faithful and she's playing with danger with being with him in the first place

[@mogulmade]

Story 1: Op will definitely be back here asking about this cheater. If you think this man is not cheating still, good luck. The entire office thinks of him as a sl*t so much so that they didn't even think when telling Op that she didn't know. And he never called her loool. Girl. He basically told you all his friends are doing it.

[@doodlethealien8889]

I personally wouldn’t be able to move past it. She definitely reacted poorly but even then I think it was UNDERSTANDABLE. She shouldn’t have driven off without him but clearly he’s close with his coworkers and it’s not like she left him in the middle of nowhere. She explained multiple times that it wasn’t his body count that bothered her. The problem is that he brought her around coworkers that HE KNEW would try to provoke her with that information and didn’t even WARN HER.

[@bessieburnet9816]

I mean, considering she only knew about Stef who he slept with at the beginning of their relationship, makes sense OP's reaction. I would be freaking out, if he has hidden the fact he slept with Molly and the others, he had better say it was before the relationship, because I'd be so scared he cheated.

[@kp2223]

I'd be more mad than everyone was basically laughing at me at his office

[@AntarticSiren]

​@@kp2223and that they used me to get a cheap laugh out of said bf by ridiculing me in public...

[@nicoleguiterrez9337]

@@kp2223 thats what im saying every body knew and was possibly laughing at me in my face and talking about how they knew and didn't want to tell nothing

[@chinaking918]

@@kp2223this the part for me. EVERYBODY knew but her so you know there was snickers and side comments/looks about/at her. One of the worse feelings in the world is having everyone around you know something you don’t know, it makes for a tense atmosphere.

[@bhart3321]

Honestly he probably will cheat if he hasn't already. Promiscuous people generally have more dissatisfaction in relationships & are more likely to cheat. He doesn't want a relationship he wants a bang maid so he's free to sample the copious options. He's a chad/304 I'm betting he's super good looking but has all the depth of a Pauly Shore movie.

[@troubleinthevalley5884]

All that and he didn't even have the decency to apologize and see your side whatsoever. Yeah either this relationship isn't going to last once you like get some self-respect or the sort of thing is going to continue to happen over and over again. Pretty funny he says only his friend group knows but they keep their mouths shut. So they keep their mouth shut to who? Anybody but his girlfriend who is the only one that should matter to? Yeah I'm not buying it. This dude's a douche.

[@derpydragon1227]

Not the bf in the first update trying to gaslight OP lmao. You shouldn't hide anything from your significant other, exsp if its something of the sexual nature like the whole story was about. Like, seriously? It'd be better to be told so that shit wouldn't have happened in the first place, and at least OP wouldn't have reacted the way she did.

[@BoxOKittens]

The amount of times I've seen men shit on women who dated multiple people before becoming exclusive...I'm just waiting for these same men to rush in and defend him. Edit: yup there it is

[@logirl1975]

Yeah it didn’t take any time at all.

[@paulastiles5507]

With no self-awareness or sense of irony, either.

[@annanas9122]

Tbh, I think NEITHER men or women should be slutshamed, so I think OP in story 1 is just as big of an asshole as the men slut shaming women for their sexual past. It's all the same type of shitty.

[@basaka434]

But you can also see that the vast majority of men agree that the BF is the one to blame.

[@Xkye2]

If no one has told you this yet, I love you and I am proud of you ❤

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

💜💜🤗🤗

[@Tsukiyomi-inari]

This made my day.

[@PuppyKatt]

Story 1: NTA What a shocking discovery. I am so sorry, OP, and his actions is a deal-breaker. Time to find someone who does not wh0re around.

[@FlyingPurplePplEatr]

That relationship won’t last long because it’s clear he will gaslight and manipulate OP without thinking twice.

[@stoogie375]

Nop Op is not in the wrong, I would've been pissed too. While the blurting it out in front of people was bad, it also tells me he has poor impulse control and even worse professionalism in the work place. He was embarrassed?, imagine how she felt, Imagine walking into your SO's workplace only to get snide remarks, rude snickers, and pure pity because you're the only person that didn't know. The commenter saying they don't ask for details like that personally has their head in the clouds. I don't care about out of work relationships, but sleeping with coworkers, especially more than one is in poor taste.

[@valgardener7656]

"poor impulse control and even worse professionalism". Yes, it is a sign of bad character, that will effect every aspect of his life. People at work are on their best behavior. "He was embarrassed? imagine how she felt" He doesn't care how she feels. His feelings are the only ones that matter.

[@jborrego2406]

I guess she didn't tell him her history. If u want to call me a slut in front ppl. I bring up all her sex partners too

[@meowbird404]

@@jborrego2406what do you mean by this?

[@Passions5555]

​@@meowbird404he's an ass.

[@stoogie375]

I agree that was absolutely inappropriate at his job setting, however what he was doing was picking and choosing and if the others weren't an actual thing, then does that mean that the one he did mention was more than just a lay?@@jborrego2406

[@Russman67]

Malicious compliance story: Well she took careful notes. Is it her fault the boss wasn't a careful speaker?

[@Zurround]

Isn't coworkers sleeping with each other while they both work for the same company UNPROFESSIONAL? Don't most work places have rules against that kind of thing (hard to enforce I admit)?

[@aawyfroggy723]

I’m still in awe how he came home and was mad at her like she put a gun to his head and told him to lie to her 🤷‍♀️ A lie by omission is still a lie. He didn’t tell her bc he knew she would dump him, but it’s actually her fault for being upset and not giving the perfect to reaction to finding out he’s just systematically sleeping with girls in the office like he’s playing bg3. Don’t bother chasing him, drop his stuff off at his brothers and text him it’s on the doorstep. If he hasn’t got the integrity to tell you the truth and take the consequences like an adult… then you don’t want that kind of man in your life 🤷‍♀️ The fact that he slept around doesn’t matter imo, the fact that he lied to her about it so he could keep his girlfriend while also indulging in a covert spelunking hobby does. After the update, I’ve decided to play this story every time I want motivation to rage clean 😂😬

[@hi_stranger9156]

What is bg3?

[@wickedlysyckk]

Considering she took his car, I am not at all surprised he was angry. She's lucky he wasn't spiteful and called it in as stolen. Both of them sound very immature and poor at communicating.

[@NottyAries]

Exactly

[@noicheval9673]

Im gonna take a different stab at this. Imagine you're in a relationship and you're happy, then suddenly your girlfriend calls you a whore for sleeping with other people (not cheating) Infront of coworkers you see every day. If that still doesn't convince you, lets swap the roles here. Imagine OP's boyfriend went to her work function and finds out she had slept with a few people before they were together and loudly proclaims her a slut. See how bad it sounds? OP was 100% the asshole here.

[@destinedtogame]

He took HIS car and shamed him in front of his colleagues. She's a child

[@araeast6923]

Story 1: I’m going with ESH. OP overreacted in the heat of the moment, made a scene, and stole a car; OP’s BF lied by omission, had sex multiple times in a professional setting, and knew full well that his friends would try to torment his gf to mess with him; and OP’s BF’s friends are perfectly fine with stirring up shit for no reason. OP: don’t make a scene and call people sluts while you’re at an office party before you get the whole story. This was before you and your BF were exclusive and it seems your values on intimacy aren’t quite the same. Don’t steal your partner’s car to run home sobbing without the whole story, either. You yourself could have just as easily taken an Uber, taking his car comes across as intentionally spiteful. BF: You lied by omission and hid that you work with multiple people you’ve been intimate with, and did so because you knew knowing might hurt your gf. I’d argue that sex with coworkers really isn’t casual and emotion-free since you’re regularly around those people and need to consider workplace politics and professionalism. Clearly your gf was hurt by this, so consider that your values on intimacy aren’t the same and apologize for placing her in a situation that left her blind-sided-especially considering you know your friends are shit stirrers and know your gf would have been upset if she knew. The friends: DON’T START BULLSHIT AT OFFICE PARTIES. Don’t start bullshit like this AT ALL. You weren’t telling OP any of this out of her best interests. You could have kept the drama to yourself until AFTER the party or while in a more private setting if all you wanted was to annoy OP’s BF and get him in trouble for funsies (which… WHY!?? WHY is that FUN to you?? Why do you think it’s fun to put your friend in a tough spot??)

[@kp2223]

💯. A lot of people actually have closer relationships with co-workers than friends. Because they see them so long and so often. It creates a certain level of intimacy.

[@kevinsullivan2153]

​@@kp2223 It sure does. But that doesn't change the calculus that screwing where you work is a terrible idea. It's easy, it's fun, and it will bite you in the ass later. There are just too many landmines, whether you have a one-time, long term, or side piece relationship. (Plus, focusing your life exclusively around work causes other problems.)

[@catsncrows]

Yeah, "I'm going to make work relationships better by stirring up crap because I feed on drama😊" I call these people (well, one type of) social vampires

[@frgmented-dreams6140]

But...who tf sleeps with FOUR coworkers? Who? I could barely stand some of my past ones much less want sex.

[@catsncrows]

@@frgmented-dreams6140 😂so true! The comment about the hospitality industry is right though. I worked in similar and the social drama was the worst. I think it's a stress thing

[@Stopthisrightnow560]

Story 1: It shows a complete lack of boundaries. Normal people don't sleep with their coworkers-emphasis on plural. Normal people don't go sleeping around when they're interested in another person. Normal people keep their exes and past flings in the past. OPs boyfriend is crossing so many boundaries; or straight up has none.

[@louellacharlton4425]

Also ,just a clue, its none of your business who your partner slept with. Unless it happens after you both declare yourselves!

[@FanFicnic]

I always know I’m in for quite the story when op starts with stuff like “we never fight” and “we talk things out rationally”

[@dianabialaskahansen2972]

While OP should not have reacted as strongly in story 1, I understand why she is upset. She was blindsided. Honestly the worst is that while she apologized, her boyfriend did not apologize for not telling that he was working with 4 women he slept with in the past, and for his reaction. Almost felt like he was gaslighting her, when he was more in the wrong for his actions after the reveal. I think OP should have ended it, because BF sounds quite manipulative.

[@TruthSayer2007]

Story 1: Boyfriend is a master sociopath and managed to get the OP to apologize?! Wooo hahahahaha!!! He’s gonna screw up her life beyond recognition and she deserves every part of it for not having a spine.

[@cupcakecarl]

S1: It literally doesn't matter if your partner has slept with 50 people or 2 if they lie about it when you ask thats shitty. If they dismiss your feelings when you try and explain them on top of that, you need to leave. While OP did KINDA suck for their comment, I can see exactly where she was coming from. He definitely should've apologized, and this will come up again sooner or later.

[@Heydodoakskdkdjf]

Story 1 OP needs a spine. Her bf completely pinned the blame on her and manipulated her. If he can’t understand why being honest should be the bare minimum then he is a shit partner. I really hope she dumps him for someone who is open, respectful, AND loving.

[@catharsismemory]

S1. Sleeping with 4 coworkers is crazy. Idk how that didn't cause issues cause surely the girls found out about each other. It's just not good for work.

[@Azulakayes]

Their HR manager should be fired.

[@bjtaylor-j9w]

He is a serial cheater, and SHE felt she had to apologise? This man is a gaslighting abuser.

[@MsStrangeEmilie]

Story 1: bf sleeps with anything with a pulse and two legs. Pass. He is a crappy partner. Everone at work? She should not have stolen his car and best to ghost him. Does he have stds? Did he give her any? Fuuu. Ew.

[@grizbear4115]

Story 1: The fact that he blatantly refused to apologize for lying by omission is a red flag to me. I don't like that ending at all. She's letting him off the hook way too easy.

[@Azulakayes]

Story 1: If I was OP, I would have dumped the man. Every office party I would be wondering which of his female colleagues were in his harem. Sl*t shaming is wrong but its okay to leave an unapologetic sl*t. This man didn't even apologise. People stop doing this. Stop having s*x with colleagues unless you are in the adult entertainment industry.

[@Luve2020]

Honestly I would be just as pissed if I found out my partner had slept with so many people I didn’t know about…that I had been interacting with…wtf. This would be a huge fight for me, maybe I’m immature too but this would make me lose his trust. You tell people what is really going on before you have them interact with ex sex partners. It’s just the right thing to do

[@jennydrake491]

Story 1: I think the issue is the fact that her bf WAS the office slut. "Slut shaming" is a stupid way to describe the OP's snarky comment when she was blindsided by that knowledge at the party. And her reaction is not the crux of the problem. She now knows something unexpected and negative about her bf's character, that he hid from her. She should be thinking about whether she wants to stay involved with someone who would sleep their way around his workplace, and would blame HER for being distressed about it.

[@rumooooni]

Exactly plus him wanting her apologizing + begging him back is embarrassing jesus I would had left him in the moment the lie was outed op is being a spineless pick me... he knew admitting his flings would had caused issues with every potential gf thats why he never mentioned it. Let's count the red flags he mentions 1 of the flings at op admits he slept with another one before they got together, there was tension in the party the guy who told op the truth to cut the ice was vilified instantly even tho he did the right thing! OP bf said " that's in the past this is so dumb are you seriously gonna dumb me for this better do it now so you wont waste my time" "I was doing whatever I wanted im not gonna regret it " also their relationship was in the rocks already this solidified the issue + him telling her how to feel about the situation is manipulation/controling behavior

[@genuinelypink3838]

Transparency is everything to OP. Not everyone likes being blindsided. He literally is the office s*** and decided to withhold that to make himself appear in a different light. Its manipulative and I really think OP needs someone better as a partner. While I wouldn't have said that in front of his friends, the feelings would still remain. Not everyone wants a partner who has a past like that.

[@valgardener7656]

Story 1: "I wasn't allowed to be bothered about it". Okay, right there. You are allowed to be bothered about anything you want to be bothered about. If you prefer a man who doesn't sleep with one woman while he is dating another, even if nobody is "exclusive" yet, then you have every right to that preference. It is a smart preference to have in my opinion. NEVER hang around with friends who tell you you have no right to your feelings, or who tell you not to act on your instincts. If you are sitting around angst-ing about how you cannot monitor his behavior, then you don't need to monitor his behavior. Your instincts are already telling you what's what. The "perfect relationship" and never fighting just indicates to me that he is very good at telling you what you want to hear. Hence the fact that he is lying about . . . "Four different girls". See, this is why your instincts were telling you to be bothered about it. Ditch him and ditch your girlfriends. In addition to the lying -- and yes it was lying -- anyone who sleeps with multiple women AT HIS PLACE OF WORK is a guy ruled by libido who has zero sense of shame, restraint, or concern for others. Even if people claim you don't have a right to a moral attitude about this, you definitely have a right to be personally repelled by it. You have a right to prefer men who don't behave that way. Which again, is a smart preference: This will be just the tip of the iceberg of what is wrong with him. Don't stick around to find out more. It will be fun for us. Not so fun for you. UPDATE: He "doesn't know why it matters" that he lied about the fact that he is working with multiple former f-buddies. Making excuses and blaming her instead of just apologizing for the fact that he lied for no reason? If it "doesn't matter", why did he lie, and why doesn't he just apologize for it? This is not reassuring.

[@embluvya]

Don't date someone with a promiscuous past if you're too sexually insecure to handle it. OPs behavior was immature. But he should've been up front from the start.

[@valgardener7656]

@@embluvya So it's "immature" to be upset when your partner lies to you about the fact that he is working with multiple former f***-buddies? It's immature to be upset when you find out that you've been making buddy buddy with one of these undisclosed f***-buddies all evening, to the salacious amusement of your partner's work colleagues? You claim that "he should have been up front with her from the start" but also claim that she's "immature" for being upset at his failure to do so?

[@embluvya]

@valgardener7656 her anger was justified. Her bf was making a fool of her in front of his colleagues, and hes a liar. But her reaction of calling him a slut and running away was a little immature, yes. She shouldn't have given the office more ammunition to gossip about her.

[@valgardener7656]

@@embluvya So she was right to be angry, but she was not allowed to show that anger in any way! He set her up to be publicly blindsided, but she's at fault for reacting with shock when she is publicly blindsided! If anyone pulled that with me, you bet I would leave without him and go home. You expect her to show no feelings of anger, but also she's not allowed to separate herself from the situation in order to cool down. This is just gaslighting in my opinion. He's in the wrong. She is not. You are blaming her for being angry when he wronged her. You are blaming her for reacting publicly when he allowed her to be blindsided publicly. THEN you blame her for removing herself from the situation to calm down despite ALSO blaming her for being too emotional to handle the situation properly at that moment. You are being quite the flying monkey right now.

[@jakeking3859]

THANK YOU! OMG, I thought I would never find this comment. I knew OP wasn't going to be TAH as soon as I heard her friends say that. Of course you're allowed to have emotions! The question is what you do with them. And if she had wanted to set a boundary about not dating someone who has slept with a co-worker, or even slept with anyone after they'd had their first date, but had been convinced by her friends not to set it, that's a terrible start to a relationship, and sets an unhealthy precedent where her boundaries and feelings don't matter. And in that update, ooh, it made me so mad! So much of it was him being slippery about it all. He never apologised for anything, and only warmed up to her when she said she'd stay. I hope she wises up to how manipulative he is and leaves him.

[@GreenKnight1982]

If it's not shameful to be a slut then how is it slut shaming to call somebody a slut

[@simonbrushes]

They are not a slut at all. They are sexually experienced and tbh often better in bed.

[@botanicalitus4194]

because she literally, admittedly, said it as an insult

[@diamcole]

Her feelings were totally understandable but lashing out and calling him the office slut in front of the group was pretty low. She is right to walk away from a relationship that doesn't align with her values, but I don't think handling it the way she did was acceptable.

[@kp2223]

In all fairness, she only said it in front of the two friends who told her

[@justa.raykin1681]

Being black isn't shameful either but it's still wrong to use being black as an insult.

[@graceisNERD]

Story 1: BF definitely should have apologized for not telling OP. I do understand why he didn’t mention anything. It sounds like OP is anxious about BF being around past flings-I get that, I wouldn’t love it either-and it would stress out OP more for there to be THREE ex-flings instead of one. BUT he still should have told her. It’s up to OP to work through her emotions, and blindsiding her like that is wrong. Sounds like he’s being purposefully dense about it to avoid responsibility.

[@AlmeneBeranger]

At minimum he should have warned her he has shit disturber friends who like to dredge up the past.

[@EnDB]

He put her in a position to be caught off guard by him sleeping all around the office. He should have told her. It's not cool to be blindsided like that. Office people can be horrid.

[@naturebehindglass6512]

He omitted one night stands from the discussion, and told her only about girlfriends.... But told her about Beth and how she was only a hook up... Something is not adding up

[@Ashbrash1998]

And then OP was willing to tell him about a guy she was with but not officially with. Hypocrisy is in the air

[@Dustin81]

I think the difference was that the hook up was during when they were dating non exclusively. Anyone before that is in a different category as it is someone he may have been sleeping with the same time as her due to health concerns.

[@Gymtoshi]

The problem isn’t the women, it’s the lying by omission! That tells her he’s not a trustworthy person. THATS the difference it would have made

[@AusExplorer]

Look at how unstable she is when it relates to just one other woman, there is no way she would have handled hearing about the ONS women too.

[@cjandauntieyaya1446]

First story: it isn't the body count that was the issue, it was the fact that the BF didn't let OP know about the multiple women at work with whom he had sexual relations. His coworkers told OP about him being with four women in the office and asked if she's ok and the BF explained later that they provoke each other on purpose. So why should OP's slut comment be embarrassing to him in the first place. BF uses the old silent treatment as punishment and then gaslights OP when she respects his wishes not to be contacted. OP is being gaslit by her boyfriend and all the red pill men on reddit. OP should have been forewarned about BFs sexual history with his coworkers and that his boys like to mess with each other. OP was thrown in among a bunch of sharks and when she fought back the BF punished her. This is not a healthy relationship when your BF dismisses your feelings and reactions.

[@wessexdruid7598]

It's also the fact that the Head of IT is working his way around the women in the company. _That_ is deeply unhealthy.

[@catandrobbyflores]

If he wants to be the office bicycle and not tell his partner, he deserves to be called out.

[@Maybe-An-Alien]

Exactly💯 Lying by omission is very much LYING!!!

[@Chickenfriedpenguin]

yeah yeah when it's a guy it's all oké. we get it.

[@MimosaRose]

Story 1- he was in the wrong. A lie by omission is a lie. Why did he hide the other hook ups? Did he not think no one would say something. Everyone knew but her, that’s rough.

[@user-blob]

I really loathe sex shaming but he blindsided her. I agree that his previous encounters are none of her business UNLESS it becomes her business. And when he took her to the office party where she has to listen to gossip about his sex life then it became her business. He should have just given her a heads up. No big deal.

[@kp2223]

It's also super unprofessional to sleep with four different coworkers

[@AntarticSiren]

​@@kp2223I'm guessing the rest had penises or were near retirement age... If...not... Who knows how many more would have made the list

[@devegas4910]

Story 1: “he said what difference would it have made if I had known?” The difference it would’ve made would’ve been that op would have the time to process and make peace with it so that none of his so called friends or any past hookups could use it as ammo to screw with her. It took her some time, but she was able to address knowing about the one, but she got blindsided by the rest. And I’ll be honest, he would’ve done far worse to her if op would’ve brought him into a room where encountered men that she didn’t tell him about

[@kg8482]

OP would have gotten much more hate if they were a man

[@simonbrushes]

100%, Reverse that shit! And OP would have been tarred and feathered. Insecure individuals are often in the detriment to their own relationships.

[@calebhoffman6368]

In OP 1s story her bf is either gaslighting her or has an extremely low emotional intelligence. Such bullshit that he didn’t apologize for anything. I would 1000% not move forward in a relationship with someone like that. I can tell he has all the power in this relationship. She will regret this

[@MonadsMoon]

Lying by omission is lying, anyone who says they try to keep information from you as to not upset you is really just looking out for themselves, don’t see this ending well but I hope they can work through it 😵‍💫. My partner also had a lot of experience before we got together but they’ve never kept anything from me that a romantic partner would want to know so nothing was ever a surprise, I can’t imagine being blindsided by that kind of info, where everyone knows but you, it doesn’t feel nice

[@truthseeker9249]

Story 1: Maybe it's just me and maybe I'm just too comfortable with my sexuality. But when my current boyfriend and I first got together I was very honest with him about my sexual history. How many people I slept with and who they are. He was inexperienced. I am his first relationship. He had never even kissed anyone, never been on a date, never even held someone's hand before. I told him because I knew from the very first moment he was the one. He was my life partner, my betrothed. And that information should be shared with someone you're going to be with FOREVER. Even if you choose not tell any other partners. At the very least, once you find your soulmate they deserve to know. Point being that you should be upfront about your history. The other person is allowed to feel however they want. They're even allowed to end the relationship because they're unomfortable with your history. That's their right and their choice. Don't be selfish and take that choice away from them just because you don't want to deal with the consequences of things that YOU chose to do in the past. Because like it or not, your sexual choices can have consequences. Even though you shouldn't be ashamed of your sexual experiences, you should be prepared to suffer the consequences afterwards. Don't set your partner up for humiliation later by not telling them the truth. If I hadn't told my boyfriend about my past and found out like THIS? I'd never forgive myself. I value honesty and trust above all else.

[@PinkMarshmallows]

Story 1: NTA. I'd be livid, and unlike OP, I would have stayed and made a scene. I would have asked him "how many more times did you cheat on me?! Or where they other ones you slept with when our relationship 'wasn't established'?!" Update: "I'm happy with the outcome" So, you're happy being stepped on and walked all over? Okay, if that's your k!nk, go right ahead, but don't come crying back.

[@nightstarstar1]

S1- for me it’s not the number of women he’s slept with it’s the fact that he’s slept with 4 women at his workplace. It says a lot about his character. He lacks any kind of self control and good decision making. He’s worried about being embarrassed but how embarrassing for your girlfriend to accompany you to a work event to find out you’ve just been screwing your way through all the women there. It’s pretty gross and I couldn’t continue a relationship with a man like that.

[@cottonsheep1493]

İm sorry anyone who saying "my past doesnt concern you"it does if you working with these peoples and bringing me around them and i really hate how ben attatue is here he expect her to beg and op kind of did really i dont mind if my partner sleep with tons of peoples but i wont like it if they work and interact with eachothers all the time at least fucking say"hey look i did some dumb shit and here is the list"he didnt say it because he KNEW most peoples wouldnt be comfortable

[@idontuploadanym0re]

just wanna say that i’ve binged so much of your content recently! you provide great commentary and are very balanced with it too. your takes are always fair and valid. keep up the great work!

[@Jen321able]

While I don't agree with her making a scene and taking his car. I think most people would at least be annoyed that they were blindsided by news their partner slept with 4 coworkers they were in the same room with. Like lets not pretend that's not going to piss you off to hear that made as a joke. So his friends are assholes for bringing it up, but he did hide that he slept with multiple people at work. Im glad they decided to talk through the issue and didnt break up, this is something they should be able to grow from.

[@adamwilliams4928]

Story 1: This is an apples and oranges kind of thing. In my opinion, if you're dating to just have fun, you can simply let your potential partners know about that, so they understand what they're getting themselves into. If the INTENT you have with dating people is actually seeking a relationship with someone, you shouldn't be "messing around" with other hook-ups. That being said, if I found out a person I was currently dating slept with MULTIPLE co-workers at their JOB, WHILE THEY WERE ALL EMPLOYED THERE AND ARE STILL WORKING TOGETHER? Yeah, that MIGHT be a wrap for me depending on the circumstances.

[@faeangel7649]

The fact that Ben not only didn't apologize, but he tried to make OP just fully in the wrong and essentially told her not to try and even explain why she would have a reaction like that gives me the ick. And then the line of "if you're ending things pick another reason"...I get the feeling this isn't the last of Op's issues

[@nightstarstar1]

Yeah dude gave me an all around bad feeling bout him. He enjoys his f-boy reputation and was only mad at her for calling him out on it.

[@GMWILD87]

Story 1 OP "I knew he was more experienced than me" well then OP should know that her relationship is over he'll obviously get over the break up quick and OP will be miserable.

[@SirFailsalot91]

If you're going to bring your partner to an event where you're going to be around people you've slept with, whether or not it was before you got with your current partner, that's just one big sick joke at their expense, especially when the people who know about it make light of the situation and you never warned your partner of it - you're never not going to be in the wrong there, and they have every right to be upset with you about it.

[@louellacharlton4425]

I'm from a small town and someone asked me if i got angry about all the people my partner slept with, I said first of all he never slept. Second, if i was going to be angry 😂 id be perpetually pissed. So not worth it, we were together until his death ,over 10 yrs!

[@0mniaVanitas]

Those comments about slut shaming in story one are so embarrassing omg, i know it's controversial in this day and age but sleeping around in the workplace IS shameful, it's unprofessional and it's just flat-out WEIRD and SUSPICIOUS to not tell your partner about having slept with people you see Every Day, the boyfriend's entire attitude about the whole thing was so disgusting too, she said it herself, he "was" (still is) A Fuckboy, i honestly could never trust someone who hid they slept with people they see every day at work, way too many people are hung up on the sleeping around part and completely ignored the hiding it part

[@ror2188]

I have worked hospitality and have never slept with the guests. My morals dont go on vacay when im at work. Im not an angel but when im with someone i am with them only.

[@LivxLaughxLove]

He omitted his one night stands because he didn't consider them relationships. So if he got an STI from one of those ONS does it no longer count because he doesn't consider it a relationship? Yeaaaaaah, nah, if you're gonna have a conversation about past partners they ALL need to be mentioned. It would be the same way if one of those partners he didn't consider was a family member or friend of hers especially considering he would expect the same honesty from her. Just my thoughts. I'd have broken up, but that's my opinion. Better her than me Story 2: No ma'am you did that because your boss was effin off you put something like that out, you KNOW there will be some table shaking. Claiming you never wanted her to get in trouble is disingenuous to me. How does accountability come about if there's no difficult conversations first? Someone has to "get in trouble"

[@dune3001]

I don't think I would have been so quick to move on if I was the first OP. That comment about what difference would have done if he had told her? Wow, just wow. The difference, sir, is that you wouldn't have lied to her (yes, I count lying by omission a lie). The "slut" comment was a low blow, but not completely undeserving. And she apologized a lot, while he...didn't.

[@nairbvel]

Story 1: Both OP and Ben are in bad places; she'd be extra-anxious and in an odd position at the office party if she knew which girls were Ben's earlier "activity" partners, and he had to worry about how she would react at the party if she knew who he'd hooked up with before they were a couple. Story 2: The moral of the story is, never set up a problem-solving committee when you are the problem. :-)

[@TheDarwinProject1]

Story 1: the reason its important to disclose to a partner if you've slept with someone they are having to meet, is because your body language is likely to be different! After you've slept with someone, your body language betrays your familiarity with them. It could be closeness, touching, posture, quicker reaction to their posture changes, etc. So, if you don't disclose that/when you slept with your coworker, your current partner may pick up the familiarity & assume you're sleeping together NOW or have slept together since deciding to be monogamous. You risk something like story 1 happening, but also think about if you want your partner to be distressed & hurt when they see your body language or later when they feel embarrassed & heartbroken you tell them you don't *pay attention* enough to even *know they would be hurt* by this situation. A situation that YOU could have avoided! Granted, there are absolutely people with social disabilities who may need their partner to be more explicit, but in story 1 the couple had the necessary requirements for the bf to avoid this situation: they spoke about becoming monogamous, they discussed previous *partners*, OP made it known she was uncomfortable about him *sleeping with a coworker*, indicating she is a partner who needs to know if you work with previous partners. There is no mention of the boyfriend having social disabilities, so he should have understood "partner" meant "sexual partner", not just romantic partner! Even in the business world, sleeping together even once has probably been explained to him as inappropriate between employees & their bosses, perhaps they even have to disclose to HR if they sleep with a coworker. He has probably heard the phrase " dont shit where you eat & understood that applies to both casual sex & relationships. I don't at all believe his claim that he didn't realize she meant sexual relationships. After that point, the only excuse for not realizing OP would want to know about them is that he just wasn't paying attention to her. I don't think this alone is break up worthy, but I dont see them going much farther if they don't either do couples therapy or both put considerable effort into self help couples books! The situation itself isn't an issue, so much as it was a symptom of possible incompatibility, communication issues, & having a difference in the amount of effort each person is putting into the relationship.

[@jasoncarter4343]

When it comes to sexual history, it is important to be honest with your SO. Lying is a deal breaker for me but I was never one to grill a GF/fiancée about her past.

[@DragonbornMike-ym2er]

Story 1: Bro, what are those comments? He lied by omission about his sexual history with the people around him. And if he didn't want to be called the office slut, he shouldn't act like it, especially being dishonest about it. This is much less slut shaming, and much more dishonesty shaming about his sex life. I doubt anyone would take issue with a cheater being called a slut. No way the comments would be the same if this was a woman sleeping with a bunch of her coworkers and keeping it down low. And I don't feel remotely bad for him being left without a ride. Don't lie to someone who could get back at you. And of course he never takes any accountability.

[@kecward78]

Story 1: This is why I tell each girlfriend that I don't care about their past (we all have them, male and female). I only want to know if that past could cause problems for us. One girl I dated, I didn't even know she was married until we started about getting together. She had been legally separated (he was in jail) for 2 years and just hadn't finished the divorce. You can't change the past, so judging someone over their past isn't really productive. Hopefully, we learn from our past relationships and that makes us better for our next partner.

[@AntarticSiren]

... So... If someone was in the past a murderer but you met them now, you wouldn't judge that person as a bad one? Lmao ... if you are good not knowing anything from the past that's just your way of thinking about this subject... And meeting said exes fairly regularly since they all work together would be into the category you mentioned of "only need to know if that's going to be a problem for us"... Besides all that, she told him it made her uncomfortable that she slept with a coworker before... And didn't think it would be a problem with the rest of the lot of them? That she would be meeting and chatting with while being in the dark. Just disrespectful all around and quite a bold lie.

[@botanicalitus4194]

@@AntarticSirenGee I wonder if maybe there's a difference between someone doing a murder in their past vs someone simply having past relationships.... hmmmm I wonder if those two things are different at all

[@AntarticSiren]

@@botanicalitus4194 it's just an extreme example ... The few things we can use to hopefully define ppls character is what their past actions say about them and overall attitude towards other ppl and the world in general... You cannot judge based on looks or words to define something like that...

[@shebakoby]

last story: The Boss sounds like an abusive Cluster of Bees whose "scapegoat" was the department OP was part of, while all the other departments were fine in her eyes or "golden Children". OP is far too nice. Boss deserved firing that freaking DAY already.

[@strawberrysangria1474]

I dislike how OP and Ben handled this. This is their first big fight and they were both extremely disrespectful to the other. If I were OP, I'd break up with Ben for not being honest and refusing to own up to his mistakes. If I were Ben, I'd break up with OP for calling me a slut in public and taking my car. This relationship isn't fair to either one of them.

[@pippo17173]

Ya like this entire post should of ended with *we break up.*

[@MattGraves01]

Ben is the only one in the wrong. Given he slept around, it's extremely likely that he is a cheater.

[@pippo17173]

@@MattGraves01 We won't know that but the last update gives some pretty concerning vibes when he mention the work thing. I am expecting another update about it if its true.

[@deborahosborne9426]

I thought the office slapper was a brilliant reply 😂😂😂

[@Graves933]

Story 1: Something isnt adding up. He said he thought you only wanted to know about serious girlfriends but told you about Stef, his work fling. Yes slut shaming is bad, yes she shouldnt have said it but in the heat of the moment I understand the outburts. Is/was Stef more to him? Did he not tell you about his sex flings on purpose because he knew it would look bad? Did he hide it on purpose ? He must know it would make you insecure knowing he is basically surrounded by women he slept with sll day. In my opinion I think he hid it on purpose and is hiding some shit

[@dvonart]

"Only my friends group and they don't talk about it" Even though they literally told his gf about it lol

[@duketha5286]

I just want to point out that she stole his car and that was kind of gloss over in the first story

[@Jessidafennecfox]

Her stealing the car made it ESH

[@Songbirdstress]

Finding out they are incompatible is one thing. Making a scene is another. Pretty nasty about the boss too.

[@Jessidafennecfox]

@@Songbirdstress agreed, both parties suck in this.

[@dougmartin2007]

The BF always had some roundabout way of blaming OP for his behavior. All of his comments to OP fit the mantra of "I didn't do it but if I did it wasn't a big deal".