I Invited My Nephew To My Wedding Despite His Estrangement From My Brother r/Relationships

[@jakeand9020]

Reddit is honestly wild. I've seen them diehard defending 16, 17 and even 18 year olds for crap they've DONE because "they're just kids!" Here a 14 year old who's life is completely imploding SAID some pretty harsh crap and is being ground to dust for it.

[@ayemad]

Because they are men or projecting their own hurt and cheating fears

[@Azulakayes]

@@jakeand9020 Once in a while you get those weird extreme people commenting on reddit posts. Its usually the misogynists, misandrists, the MGTOW and hypergamous crowds. Seems OP got the MGTOWs, they usually have no empathy for children and they overreact to instances of paternity fraud or even adoption. They want it all to burn down.

[@idkkkk7588]

Yeah. Like why do older teens get more grace for doing worse stuff? This poor kid had his life ruined by his cheating mom and the man he saw as his dad abandoned him at 14. I don't think most kids that age would have handled it calmly and gracefully. Of course the brother is a victim too but he was a grown adult and could leave. Meanwhile the nephew was a child who had no choice in what happened to him and became stuck with his AH mom.

[@xxKillgorxx]

Because not everyone on the site thinks the same? Some give grace, some don't. In this case, I'm on the side that the nephew screwed up badly and needs to apologize. Mom created this situation, and he made it worse by attacking his very hurt dad.

[@lina9535]

I hate the "they're just kids" for 16-18. Kids for me is 12 and below, teens are adolescents. Also, at 16, you're seen as mature enough to drive, which can cause a lot of harm to the driver and others. At 18 (at least in the US) you're seen as mature enough (because legally adult) to buy a pew-pew (censoring as youtube dislikes when I use the 3 letter word 😅). Sure people can still make mistakes, even adults in their 50s can make mistakes. But in some cases it's just ridiculous the things people try to defend.

[@maggpiprime954]

The person who referred to the nephew as being the person who betrayed the not-father the most is bonkers. He was a child, _hello???_ The person who betrayed him the most was his cheating _wife._ All these people demanding adult accountability from a 14yo need to have their heads checked. The horrific things I've said to my father when I was 14 because my parents were making their custody battles a living hell for me would have these people try me in a court of law for harassment or something. Did my dad cross his arms and disown me in a fit of pique? No. Coz _he knew I was a dumbass, hurting kid, just lashing out._ Edit: And anyone coming in to say the kid was wrong to say what he did, well, no shit, Sherlock! That's what discipline is for. Like what my dad did when I was being a little shit.

[@GonzoHenson]

Yeah, the commenters there are being wild. A bunch of Men's Rights sympathizers who constantly worry about paternity fraud, maybe? I get the Dad was going through a lot, but he was conflating the actions of the mother with the son. The child has no guilt to bear in being born and believing that his Dad was his Dad. Kid was in a panic at being abandoned. He wasn't even old enough to drive yet people want him to be 'accountable' for not being more chill about his world falling apart. Yeesh.

[@Azulakayes]

100% or they have never been near children. I support OP 100%. I have a 15 year old niece that I have always loved since I saw her as a day old baby and I have kids. I am never taking the side of a grown up to cut her off for her actions at present or in the past.

[@changrila]

Yes, THIS! I feel so angry about the shitty commenters in this story. It is too early to be this angry, my heart hurts. And both parents handled it wrong. You don’t abandon a child that you have bonded with for 14 years. It is toxic. It is not his fault his biodad is someone else. We are not wild animals who “get rid of” (euphemism) the children that aren’t biologically theirs (I just learned that is what a male lion does when he takes over a pride).

[@TheBreaker996]

Yeah, that comment irked me too! On the level of shittiness as to blame child for being born “the wrong sex” Blame is on the mother. She cheated, she slept around, she suspected! But somehow it’s nephew’s fault for not what? Fighting an insemination when he was an egg??? Not like nephew knew he wasn’t bro’s kid. It was shock for him, his world was nuked. He said stupid cruel stuff, but that’s not the reason to demand he wouldn’t be invited!

[@therealmaizing5328]

My head hurt when that comment came up. A child is *never* at fault for their parent's crimes!

[@myAinAutistic]

Story 1: my issue with the comments is nobody is asking the brother to forgive the nephew, they're just asking him to respect someone else's wedding list. Brother can choose if he wants to attend or not and that's it.

[@WhiteWolf-lm7gj]

Yeah, I feel like everyone is completely misinterpreting what this is all about. There are people who have done terrible shit to me. I could put up with them at the wedding of someone I care about. The brother can hold that grudge for as long as he wants, but it's on him if he can't be civil for the wedding.

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

​@@WhiteWolf-lm7gjwho said anything about him not being civil imagine having to see your sister-in-law and the remainder of the betrayal that she caused at your wedding are you prepared to basically lose your brother and your other nieces and nephews losing their father when they turn 18 because if they keep forcing him to play happy family when they know he doesn't want to and they keep disrespecting his boundaries like the Sun did what the hell do you expect or think is going to happen

[@WhiteWolf-lm7gj]

​@@BIGEAGLEDUDEHis ex-wife isn't going to be there. He isn't being asked to play happy family, he's being asked to exist in the same space as the nephew for several hours.

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

@@WhiteWolf-lm7gj dude I read the comment in the story he said she was invited to the wedding

[@WhiteWolf-lm7gj]

@@BIGEAGLEDUDE When was this comment?

[@DaBaseBallZ]

Story 1:Keep in mind all of this is the nephew's mother's fault for cheating

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

My thoughts exactly! OP's former sister in law is the one Redditors should be angry with. Although I totally understand that what nephew said to brother was cruel, he was a victim of the Scummy Ex-Sister in law too. She destroyed the family with her cheating. If people are going to be mad at someone, be mad at her.

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

​​@@PrincessQ-fj9lyexactly but you also got to know that these are women and reddit is notoriously anti-male and anti-male with a backbone especially towards children. Meaning if a man is cheated on and the child that he's been raising for almost a decade and a half and that child comes marching and saying can we be a family again after you just found out that not only the child was yours but your wife was cheating on you and your father passes and you need time to collect your thoughts and that child basically say it to your face maybe it's a good thing that she did cheat on you and I'm not sure but I really want to know when and how long between him finding out his dad's death and what his son said was the time frame because of all this happened within 90 days or hell 6 months or if it happened within a few weeks that can do some serious damage.

[@WhiteWolf-lm7gj]

@@DaBaseBallZ I mean, yeah, but that's not relevant to the current situation

[@zerobolt9506]

​@PrincessQ-fj9ly gotta love how the commenters wanted to nephew to act & be treated like an adult, but not the brother who just abandoned his kid 🙄 seriously reddit pisses me off sometimes

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

I feel like OP took advantage of the mess to replace the brother and takes the fatherly role with the affair kid. He has no desire to fix that relationship.

[@ruthlys]

Wow- what kind of people think a CHILD deserves to be abandoned because they ran their mouth??? I have no words.

[@Alberto-wu1mj]

The brother can be hurt, but so can the nephew. Even without the family drama, you get to invite whomever you want to your wedding.

[@Armor_Wing]

The comments on Story 1 are insane. Yes, the 14 year old said something really hurtful, but the grown adult abandoned his kid (in all but blood) with no conversation and then held it against him for FIVE YEARS! Then he has the nerve to think he can dictate the guest list of another person’s wedding when he’s free to skip it. Everything bad that happened to the brother was his ex’s fault. The kid’s only crime was being born from the wrong person.

[@BK-pg6re]

He didn’t abandon said he needed more time what most People don’t understand is words cut deep especially about someone who I cared about that’s already passed away I would never forgive them what he said was with the intent to hurt the brother the most so why should he forgive

[@cheryanglasgow3354]

​@@BK-pg6re He did abandon the boy. Mark read a comment where somebody asked specifically about that and op said that he ghosted the boy. He didn't tell the boy directly that he needed some time apart. He just ghosted him. And really, even if he had told the boy that he needed some time apart, most 14-year-olds don't have the emotional maturity to be able to honor the request of a parent to not contact them. Be real.

[@BK-pg6re]

@@cheryanglasgow3354 well if he was ghosted then he should have left him be for some time that nephew sounds like a spoilt brat who needs everything to be done at his him not surprising since his uncle coddles him he should have considered what his dad might have gone through but he not only forces him for a confrontation but hurts him where he knew it would hurt him the most words said with naive can never be taken back

[@comajuice]

​@@BK-pg6reah yes. The true spoilt brat, a child who wants his dad 💀

[@BK-pg6re]

@@comajuice well you can’t have what you want now do you and he is a brat for deliberately hurting him with words when he was already down with his fathers death no one else wouldn’t want a son like that either

[@akuma4321]

i think a lot of redditors forget affair babies are also people. that kid had a right to feel betrayed by the only father he knew just up and abandoning him when he realised he wasn't biologically his. i don't blame the brother for feeling betrayed, but redditors acting like the nephew should've just shut up and accepted that abandonment are boiling my blood

Cheating is okay is a constant defense here in the comments men don't bond to children like women do women always know its their child a man just has to hope he isn't being lied to.

[@jenniferlanglois3007]

Did you reply to the wrong comment? She didn't say cheating was ok, she was talking about the nephew, who didn't cheat but had his family broken up and was abandoned by the only dad he knew for no fault of his own. Cheating doesn't have to be ok for the kid to be allowed to have feelings. The kid is not to blame for the mum's actions. She cheated. She is the only one to blame for that.

[@jodieg6318]

Reddit is so rabid when it comes to cheating most think affair babies deserve to suffer as well. Nevermind that they are completely innocent of their parents fault as they had no say in the matter.

[@snake5solid]

Cheating is never ok. You don't need a kid to be related to love them. If you can just dump a child when you found out they aren't yours then it's clear you never really loved that child even when you thought it was yours. You're right that "men don't bond to children like women". Lots of men seem to not give a fuck about their kids and can easily shove them aside when the opportunity arises.

[@mohsinAli-hq1nd]

​@@snake5solidthisssss. It's basically saying "I only live you because you have MY blood in you". Sounds so fuking egotistical

[@CanonSkyrissian]

story 1 is way above reddit's paygrade

[@dja3456]

He didnt have to pay for the kid but for 14 years he was his dad. For the rest of his life the kid will see him as his dad. The kid was not the one who betrayed him. It was the mother.

[@GoldenLeafsMovies]

Yeah, but the kid approached the dad and demanded to be accepted and then insulted him, when the dad was going through a tumultuous time. I don't think the dad was particularly blaming the kid for the cheating but more specifically for what he did. Of course he is wrong for just disappearing and not expressing to the child that he needs time to be alone, but I don't know if I would've done differently. We all know betrayal is one of the worst things you can do to a person and it can completely change them, we've all seen the stories "I cheated on my husband and he turned into a monster".

[@gunnargislason5221]

Exactly! The kid didn't ask for any of this. He didn't ask to be born. He didn't make his mother cheat. Yes, the dad was going through a hard time but *so was the kid* It's not exactly fun to find out that you're an affair baby. This *literal child* was seeking out comfort from the only parental figure he had left after being betrayed by his own mother and the dad was just like "nah, you're not mine anymore" - even if he didn't say that out loud, he said it with his actions and that's what the kid heard. That's devastating for a child to hear. Children should not be punished for things that they cannot control. I swear, reddit hates children to the point of it being disturbing. They are totally fine with someone abandoning a child they raised as their own, that guy is a Saint and could never do anything wrong! Oh but this 14 year old child is basicly Satan because he (checks notes) said hurtful words one time when his entire life was falling apart? Okay yeah, makes total sense... 🙄

[@jonathantyler3420]

@@gunnargislason5221and what about the father going through his own difficult time? His dad just died (ya know his person that he looked up too) and he just found out his wife had cheated on him and lied to him for the last 14 years trying to pass a kid off as his when it’s not. Your comment is completely negating the father’s troubles and emotions in support of a kid who wasn’t his in the first place which means he has no reason to care for him as a son anymore.

[@gunnargislason5221]

@@jonathantyler3420 this is exactly what I'm talking about. The kid isn't biologically his, but this guy is the only father this *child* has ever known. They were *both* going through a difficult time but the difference is that one of them is an adult who should be able to regulate his emotions and not take his anger out on a child, and the other is a *CHILD* (I cannot emphasise this enough) who doesn't even have a fully developed brain yet. Do you seriously not understand the difference??

[@jonathantyler3420]

@@gunnargislason5221 I do understand. The child is old enough to understand his words have meanings and is old enough to know not to say these things in the given situation. People act like just because kids are under 18 they don’t understand the meaning/consequences of their words and actions and shouldn’t be held accountable

[@RuthieAA]

Listening to the comments on this first story makes me really hate some of these gross commenters. They wanted the OP to dump his nephew at age 14 because he's not biologically related. Just disgusting. Mark has it right here. It's sad to dump your kid because of a literal accident of birth.

[@brandchan]

Yeah, I am shocked how many people are like well the kid wasn't actually his so taking off it totally fine. The 14-year-old boy should just understand that and not be upset. And that is more important to be in his adult brother's corner than in a child's corner.

[@minb3672]

Probably same ones would tell the guy, kids adopted, not biologically yours, so you don't have any responsibility.

[@GiordanDiodato]

He's old enough to know better

[@IgrisBloodRed91]

Go find the real dad’s family. Kid is no longer his problem.

[@ruthsaunders9507]

@@minb3672 Huge difference between adopting and being tricked into raising someone else's child.

[@ProxiProtogen]

Story one is a massive cluster cluck that i dont think anyone really have a good answer for.

[@ineedhoez]

I'll tell you the answer. It's perfectly okay for the man to walk away once he found out the child was not his. His thoughts, feelings, and boundaries are valid. What's unacceptable how he walked away. He didn't transition out. He didn't create an exit plan. He didn't go to family therapy with the child to try to mitigate the damage. He continued the denigration of the child. He refused to associate or even be cordial with the child. His weaponization of his boundaries and feelings is UNACCEPTABLE. An emotionally mature person would sit down and have the conversation to resolve the issue. There are a lot of complex and complicated emotions going around. If not for that child, than for your biological children because that's their brother. You don't get to to punish the child. You make peace. You be an adult and take responsibility for ensuring ALL of the children are ok.

[@pinionification]

The OP already handled it perfectly, so the most important person in there does.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

@@ineedhoez Yeah. That's how I think someone who is dealing with this should handle it. I'm not dismissing OP's brother's feelings at all. They're perfectly fair and valid to a point. But he's taking his anger and resentment out on the wrong person. The now 19 year old was a victim of his evil ex too. It's not like he knew that his birth giver was a cheater who committed paternity fraud. If anything, he's just as hurt as he was. If you ask me, Evil ex is the one Redditors should really be mad at. She's the true big bad as far as I'm concerned.

[@crowdemon_archives]

Yea but the brother chose the worst fucking ways to deal with the problem in every step it seems... 😅

[@rene280195]

@@ineedhoez The issue here is that YOU are asking also of someone who just lost EVERYHTING, he lost his marriage, life, house, children, oldest child and father, betrails like this feel like a punch in the stomach, my question is, who of you family do you love so much that you would accept a punch in the stomach each time you see them, like what type of relationship would you have with someone that is the living prove of your worse moment and receive a punch in the stomach?

[@TheBlueDsc]

S1: I hate when an innocent child gets punished for the actions of their parent. A child should never have anger caused by a cheat directed at them. Was what the kid said crappy? Absolutely, but he's a kid in an overwhelming situation. In a situation like this, there are no winners. I can't make any claims for what I would do in such a situation, because no one really knows what they would do until they live it, but I don't know. I know some of the comments say actions have consequences, but given the situation he was put in I just can't agree with the brother throwing away his kid like that. After 14 years of supposedly loving him, even if not by blood he is his kid.

[@awkwardmonkee]

I fully agree with you. At that age, yes, I knew what was bad to say and what was not. I was the quintessential “good” child. But my oldest brother was an awful bully and one day I snapped and certainly said awful things (I was 16). My parents were good enough to be there and talk to both of us about it and ensure we both apologised. I just think this kid is missing that kind of guidance. Also, the dad is an adult and while I understand what a blow it must have been for him to find out the kid wasn’t his, Reddit should frankly be holding him accountable for not dealing with the situation with more grace towards the teen, your kid or not. This situation is not of the kid’s making and he was reacting to his father’s poor handling of the situation. Yet it’s the 14 year old who should know better and not the full grown adults around him? I honestly don’t get the people on Reddit some days

[@lunaticbz3594]

I can understand him not wanting to be the kids dad anymore. It's the way he got rid of his kid that's most infuriating to me. Give the kid the silent treatment, when confronted on it argue with the kid till he insults you, then play the victim card to make your kid think its his fault your not around. That's what really gets me there's zero empathy and the path he choose was one to cause as much harm as possible to the kid.

[@destinedtogame]

​@@lunaticbz3594Because of the betrayal and finding out the kid isn't his

[@zerobolt9506]

That one commenter really pissed me off, they made it seem like the nephew is no longer a sibling to HIS siblings after finding out to dad wasn't his bio dad, "oh you're gonna lose contact with your other nephews & niece" and bla bla bla bull crap

[@TheBlueDsc]

@@destinedtogame That isn't the kid's fault. Surely after 14 years you would think he would have enough of an emotional bond to not toss his kid aside like some used tissue paper.

[@prince-Ciel]

OP 1: that one comment implying that the nephew is the biggest betrayer of the brother. Like wow, yeah what the nephew said was fucked, but kid's whole world collapsed in the span of days and his father basically ghosted him and abandoned him, no word no nothing. He was a kid who needed someone and Op isn't a villain for being their for his nephew. And he's not wrong for not wanting to know what's up with the SIL or their internal drama, he just wants to watch out for his nephew and steer him in the right direction since the brother won't do it anymore. Grown man vs 19 year old kid, shocked that Op chose the kid and is still shocked after 5 years of not giving a shit about him. Wow. (Also yeah SIL in sucks for cheating, blah blah just putting this here so someone doesn't get on my ass about not mentioning her)

[@FlyingPurplePplEatr]

Right?! That comment was insane and bizarre and sounds like the brother. The nephew is more mature than that commenter AND OP’s brother.

[@JasmineSmith-vt2jc]

It made me so angry listening to that

[@lamer5799]

It's 14 years based on a lie. Everything, 14 years of memories, of efforts, and emotional investments, is now tainted by the pain of betrayal.

[@prince-Ciel]

But that was still 14 years spent raising an innocent child, only to drop him and not even look back. Brother has a right to feel betrayed and hurt, but my sympathies end there. His behavior towards the nephew is gross

[@JasmineSmith-vt2jc]

@@prince-Ciel this exactly. The 14 year old didn’t betray his father, the worst thing he did was say some harsh words once the “father” had already rejected him for something that wasn’t his fault.

[@StubbyandShifu]

Why is the adult getting to act like a child? The poor abandoned boy was willing to talk to his father and his father refused.

[@arctiwolf857]

Because only adults are allowed to act like children on Reddit.

[@LilChuunosuke]

Sadly, it's common for children to be held to a higher standard of maturity than adults.

[@julierichardson800]

I do feel for him as his life was completely altered on a lie. He was supposed to go to Uni and instead he didn't etc. Now I do feel the guy is wrong but I totally see why he was devastated by it and it rocked his whole world.

[@jonrazo7912]

Well, he's not the kids father. Remember, this is the person the brother essentially ruined his life over. Never went to college, married his pregnant gf, did the right thing and raised the kid, only to find out his life was a lie. I am not sure I would totally be able to cut the kid off personally, but I understand needing space and time. And the kid showing up and throwing in his face the death of his own father instead of giving him that space and time. Asshole move. Both people are only human. Gay brother only seems to care about one of them.

[@julierichardson800]

@@jonrazo7912 this is how I feel too. I might be biased though as I know someone who gave up his dream of joining the navy to see the world because he got a girl pregnant, had 3 kids found out none were his and ended up killing himself.

[@TwinRazors]

Hey Mark, remember AITA For Not Sharing the Surprises in the Dingy House that Was My Share of Inheritance? from your sub reddit? It has a third update and I'm waiting for the next one. This makes it a four parter

[@kathyd8738]

👀👀

[@kristlthompson4721]

Ooh, ooh! 👏 👏 👏

[@audreynothepburn7663]

When was this?

[@audreynothepburn7663]

Nvm I read it and it’s very interesting!

[@kasugaifox8571]

Ooh do tell.

[@greendiamondglow]

That poor kid would've had no one if OP hadn't stepped in. Abandoned by his father, betrayed by his mother. I'm glad OP held on with both hands.

[@user-nb8tk6hh6x]

That wasn’t his son

[@greendiamondglow]

@@user-nb8tk6hh6x yes, that was his son for 14 years. He was that kid's father for 14 years. It's sociopathic to be able to just shut that off so completely. Good on OP for staying in Nephew's life. Lord knows his parents were useless

[@jodieg6318]

OP is the GOAT for being the only decent person in the kids life.

[@damien678]

​@@user-nb8tk6hh6x And?

[@justKorppi]

@@user-nb8tk6hh6xnot biologically, but certainly was the part for 14 years. For that child, that *was* his father

[@DaBaseBallZ]

Story 2:If they only have complaints about the wedding,They're free not to go,NTA at all

[@user-wr3vt8uq4s]

Yeah, if they feel the wedding is "satanic" why would they even want to go? Such BS.

[@ChasehaWing]

Ok so in the span of a few months the kid lost his grandfather, he finds out his mom had an affair and he's another man's son. His dad walks out on him, no words, no saying he'll be back, no reassurance, and the next time he hears anything from him dad says he only wants custody of his younger siblings, and nothing for you. So he's stuck in one of the physical most transformative years of his life, with no father figure to guide him, with a cheating whore of a mother that destroyed his life, and he is still grieving his belived grandpapa. And everyone on Dad's side except rad uncle, is cutting him off for...let me check my notes here, oh right, existing. OF COURSE the kid exploded on dad and said hurtful things. Hell I said bad things to my parents at that age for FAR LESS, he was hurting and he lashed out. Granted I feel for dad I actually really do. He lost his planned out future and the love of his life decieved him for 14 years and he just lost his father. It was a bad time for all. But when he left for space, he should have TOLD his son where he was going. What was happening reassure him he'll be back but he's having a crisis and he must leave or he will hurt the family. But he didn't. He just left. He ignored his kid's phonecalls. And then disowned him when the boy acted like an actual teen and blew up on him. "So your kid got mad at you. Welcome to parenthood." - Mr. Ping, Kungfu Panda 3 The point is, dad abandoned his oldest and wants the rest of the family to disown him too and is lashing out at his kid and ex. Because he's hurting and never looked for a way to heal himself. He's just lashing out and posturing to make himself look/ feel better. But in truth he's pushing others away. Hence the arm candy that is the same age of his daughter. Gonna call it here: this wedding is gonna be a shit show. This is the first time these groups of peopke will see each other in 5-6 years. And let's be real, if dad/ OP's bro is acting this bad right now, he's not gonna be acting better at the wedding.

[@jodieg6318]

I also love the comments going "hold the kid accountable for what he said" and who is holding the brother accountable for ghosting his son and wanting the whole family to abandon him? Why is the brother not getting sympathy from people with brain stems? Cause nephew was the actual child caught in all thus, the brother is just acting like one.

[@dianasmith8248]

Story one: The part where OP says that his brother and his niece got into an argument because she wants her brother at the wedding. Tells me all I need to know about OP’s brother. Because at the end of the day, it does not matter what he thinks about the young man. He is a 38-year-old man and can be civil at a wedding for a couple of hours.

[@dharma6481]

Image being a young teen and your parent who has been by your side all your life, teaching you to ride a bike, taking you to your first baseball game, tucking you in and kissing you goodnight, telling you “I love you son, I’m so proud of you.” That parent suddenly tells you “I don’t want to see you, I’m leaving your mom and I’m going to see the other kids but not you. I need time” Anyone (even an adult) would be devastated. Yes, the father was hurt by his wife’s actions and by his son’s words, but the son’s world was destroyed. The “father” is still so hurt he doesn’t want to be at the same family event as the “son”, but he wants the cheating ex wife their to rub his new, young girlfriend in the ex’s face.

[@crowdemon_archives]

Yea, the brother is definitely not emotionally mature enough to deal with this delicate situation that exploded in their faces years ago...

[@drako8343]

Nice how your comment pretends he’s still super hurt about the cheating and it has nothing to do with the embodiment of his betrayal literally blaming him for being cheated on and saying that his father died ashamed of him for not being a real man. The kid had nothing to do with it so he’s just overreacting is a garbage take.

[@jasperj.d.g.4147]

He didn't even do that, he just disappeared and abandoned his kid without any explanation

[@LilChuunosuke]

​@@drako8343"the embodiment of his betrayal" The son had no choice or control in this situation. He lost his father for something that was done 9 months before he was born.

[@drako8343]

@@LilChuunosuke doesn’t matter that he didn’t have a choice in the cheating. The kid is still living proof of it. And then had the audacity to tell him it was his own fault he got cheated on and he deserved it. The kid killed the relationship

[@Kumo5980]

Story 1: everyone is a victim here except for The Mother she deserves the consequences

[@robertx8020]

But it seems SHE is not getting them but everybody else is

[@Kumo5980]

@@robertx8020 sooner or later she will it’s a matter of time Because her son resents her already To me that already had to hurt

[@peachesnsht]

And Op, he's not a victim either.

[@robertx8020]

@@Kumo5980 Not in they eyes in a narcist and unfortunatelly, Karma doesn't always stike

[@Kumo5980]

@@peachesnsht honestly yeah I agree now that you mention I mean yeah he did witness the crap hitting the fan but….that wasn’t his relationship/marriage that was DESTROYED He could’ve minded his own business But he didn’t Kinda hope both the dad and the eldest son get closure

[@dannietea]

Story 1: Honestly, the only person I really feel bad for is the kid. 14 years old is already a hard time between social politics of high school and dealing with hormones and all of the bullshit that comes with all of it. Then come to find out your mother is a cheater, the man who was your dad your entire life turns out not to be, your whole family is falling apart, your dad suddenly stops talking to you, and all you have left to fall back on is your uncle? No wonder the kid ended up lashing out. It was a stupid thing to say, but good god.

[@FrokenLagom]

Same, that poor kid got his whole world uprooted. OP’s brother handled the situation extremely poorly, of course he was sad and angry but Jesus Christ don’t take that out on the kid! He could have handled that situation with empathy and love but he only thought of himself and ignored a heartbroken child who lost his father of 14 years. So much of this could have been avoided if the brother sat down with his kid and explained the situation and that he needed some time, it would still be hard but a lot better then ghosting your child.

[@strawberrysangria1474]

I feel bad for OP too. Poor guy is just trying to get married!

[@GoldenLeafsMovies]

​@@FrokenLagomI agree, Brother not explaining he needs time and demanding nephew to be excluded are the only things he did weong. But humans are extremely complex and I don't know what I would've done in that situation.

[@lionfish2201]

I’m sorry, but the dad abandoned his kid without telling him why… over something that wasn’t even the kid’s fault…. And all these commenters are defending the dad. Yeah, the kid said something truly hurtful. Yeah. The dad had a lot to process in a short amount of time, and it’s reasonable to have a lot of emotions and need time to get his head around everything. But he was very willing to forget 14 years of being this kid’s dad in an instant without saying a word to the kid first, and now he’s trying to cut off the same kid from the only father figure he’s had the last 5 years. The kid didn’t ask to be an affair baby. Stop punishing him for the mother’s actions.

[@user-nb8tk6hh6x]

That’s literally not his kid he lost everything for a kid that wasn’t his, this is why the suicide rates amongst men are so high

[@davidnash8208]

Not his kid, that's the whole point.

[@lionfish2201]

… so raising him for the past 14 years means nothing? And again, the boy had literally *no say* in the circumstances of his birth, so why is he being punished? My grandfather married my grandmother when she had 4 boys under 10. My dad married my mom when my brother was 4. My brother married my SIL when my niece was 8. All these men love/d their stepchild with the same depth they love/d their bio children. (Past tense used since my grandfather passed on after being a devoted father to my dad and uncles for 50 years.) Being a father is not contingent on a sperm sample. Love is a verb, an action, a daily choice. Real men understand that. And they sure as hell don’t punish a scared boy who just had his identity upended.

[@davidnash8208]

@@lionfish2201 He's not the father and that fact wipes away the 14 years in his mind. And you're wrong, there is an imperative to continue your ancestors through your descendants, it is the prime reason to have children. You can't proctor other people's emotions.

[@lionfish2201]

Trust me, being a caring, loving father (be it biology, step, adoptive, foster parent, etc) is a much more meaningful and vital legacy to leave behind than just making some genetic trophies and calling it a day.

[@Ace_AloneWolf]

I hate this story. Everyone basically blaming the kid for existing. Yuck. The fact that his “dad” is now bumping uglies with a girl not much older than his daughter tells me all I need to know about his character

[@LadyBern]

Yeah. Sometimes I see people who were cheated on and I don't ever condone the cheating but I can step back and go, "ok I can see how and why it happened to you in particular.

[@Ace_AloneWolf]

@@LadyBern yeah. What the kid said about grandpa was shitty. But he was giving back the emotional damage he was getting

[@spibow]

The comments were driving me up the wall, on top of the story being upsetting, too. Everyone CONTINUED to blame the nephew in the comments. Like, the comment that was just assuming OP never talked about or told nephew that what he said was shitty? Where did they even GET that?!

[@Original_Tenshi_Chan]

​@@spibow they assume OP didn't sufficiently punish the child for his "transgressions" because he's still talking to the kid and not throwing him away like the rest did. In the commenter's screwed up minds, the only way to deal with a child acting out in pain, is to punish them for it until they die. However, when an adult acts out and hurts others, "well, they're already going through such a rough time, you have to overlook it! They couldn't control it". These idiots hold kids to higher standards than they use for adults.

[@Ace_AloneWolf]

@@spibow some folks have the reading comprehension of a fried turnip

[@TheGoldenSilhouette]

Sometimes when you break someone they stay broken. Especially if you take no care in how you try to piece them back together. You just end up cutting yourself and them on the edges. Sometimes someone else does the breaking, but what's been broken is still broken and everyone has to deal with it.

[@AWildJirachi]

Did everyone just completely skip over the fact that OP’s brother just left without saying *anything* to OP’s nephew about needing some time and space away? Do they seriously expect a 14 year old to know to stay away from the person they view as their father without said father telling them? Edit: wait, holy shit. That commenter thinks that the *nephew* is who betrayed OP’s brother the most, and not…oh, I don’t know, *the woman who cheated on him for years*? Jesus Christ

[@fairymary-h2h]

Story 1 imagine trying to plead the case of a grown man’s circumstances whilst completely disregarding the child’s and shaming him The dad went through a lot, and so did the child that was abandoned without explanation??? Both deserve the choice to be present at a loved ones wedding Reddit really sucks sometimes

[@sourisvoleur4854]

The level of self-righteousness on Reddit can be choking.

[@drako8343]

Without explanation? Seems like being made aware your father isn’t your father is an explanation.

[@thecrebain6760]

Story 1: Those reddit commenters blaming a 14 year old for being angry in a situation where he is being abandoned... smh

[@user-nb8tk6hh6x]

Imagine thinking that someone is yours. They think that child is yours and then all of a sudden you find out it’s not you’re allowed to just walk away because if anything, it’s the mother’s fault and it’s ridiculous to sit here and pay the man. It’s a problem when it was, the woman who did all this that was abandoned by this man, he was abandoned by the man who decided to but in a married woman

[@whitneybennett4857]

Agreed. Yes, it's completely understandable for the brother to leave the marriage AND not want to be legally responsible upon discovering the kid wasn't really his; BIL's not an AH at all in that regard. But it still had to be a knife in the heart to know the man he knew as his father up until his teenage years was so willing to throw away their bond. It sounds like now, the nephew is handling it even more maturely than his "father". He's already said that although he wants to come, he's willing to not come if it means there'll be peace. Brother just has the petty attitude of, "How dare you invite him. I should be more important to you than he is." It would be different if OP wanted to invite the ex-SIL; it's her fault all of this s*** happened. Nephew was just a kid who made a really crappy comment because he was in a lot of pain.

[@1kokokala10]

Story 1: Reddit always on their high horse. Why does everyone expect the at the time, CHILD to have been a grown up and been accountable for his hurtful words? Yea, sure they were hurtful, but you know what sucks worse? Being abandoned by the only person you called a father. I don't blame the nephew for what he said because guess when you hurt a moody teen like that they feel the need to hurt you just as equally. That's like telling someone who was bullied they were in the wrong for saying their bully was unloved by their parents and making them cry. GTFOH

[@zerobolt9506]

I feel the same as you

[@aga3852]

Nah, the brother of OP is not only NOT the father but that grown child decides to talk shit? Actions got consequences of saying fucked shit. The brother was willing to come back but after what that kid said? Nah. I can be spiteful but the timing and the thing the kid said was disgustingly malice filled.

[@mariem8705]

Well my parents taught me you can’t take back what you say. And what he said can never be taken back. Just cause dads an adult doesn’t mean he’s not allowed to feel pain, especially when he asked for space.

[@arcaderat1613]

Seriously. The comment that said they needed to give the brother slack but didn't give the same courtesy to the 14-year-old kid who's father abandoned him was ridiculous.

[@blueoctopus5015]

I totally agree. He was this kid's father for 14 years and rejected him after he found out he wasn't his? Of course the kid's going to lash out. He just found out he had TWO shitty parents (cheating mom and fickle dad). What he said hurt, but being ABANDONED hurts way worse.

[@EnDB]

Wait, they expect the 14 year old to be more mature than the adults? The one redditor is lost. How did the nephew betray him the most? He didn't cheat.

[@mariem8705]

Because he wanted to hurt someone he thought was his father. You don’t get to say that kind of stuff and not expect things to be the same after that.

[@juresichj]

​@@mariem8705You do not get to abandon the person who thought you were his father, all of his life, and then think you also have the right to cut the kid off from the rest of his extended family.

[@juresichj]

​@@mariem8705The father probably said that the kid wasn't his son, or he wasn't the kid's father. The kid's brain was 11 years short of biological maturity. Of course the kid lashed back. Personally, I do not know any parents who have never heard "I hate you" from at least one of their teenage children. We are adults, so we deal with it. Not disown our children.

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

he sided with his cheating mother though and joined her effort to hurt him which is the ultimate proof he isn't the brother's son by any means.

[@EnDB]

He did not side with his mother. He was left with her. The only person he knows as a father said he didn't want him. He hurt the kid, and the kid hurt him back.

[@scoly64]

Story 1 the commenters literally gloss over the fact that the nephew was 14 years old and was hurt when he said those things. No telling where he would be if OP abandoned him like his brother did to the kid. Losing OP would’ve been catastrophic to the nephew

[@cpaul9269]

S1 - Your wedding, your rules.

[@rene280195]

Yea but that´s the issue, is your wedding your rules, as long as you accept the consequences of that.

[@cpaul9269]

@@rene280195 fair.

[@AqcaPi]

@@rene280195 good ridance tou.

[@samlynn1652]

Story 1: Yeah the kid sad some savage hurtful things. But he was a kid! He was 14 and hurt and wanted to hurt his dad. Now its 5 fucking years later. The kid is ready to apologize if the Dad is. But the Dad isn't willing to let it go. I will be honest. It kinda sounds like the Dad latched onto this so he won't have to deal with the son.

[@liabowden8526]

These cold, heatless people that think 14 years of love should just be erased because of the reveal of no bio-relationship is gross to me. If you loved your fraternal twin for the first 14 years of life, then found out there'd been a switch at birth, woukl you stop loving them? Too many people care Far too much about goddamn blood above love. It's stupid. Hope they never adopt or marry someone with kids, they will Not love them like a true parent. If you love a kid for 14 years, find out they're, by no fault nor knowledge of their own, not biologically yours & you ghost them, you are 100% blaming them, whether you admit it or not. You loved them before, didn't you? THEY didn't betray you. So why does your previous love evaporate? Because carrying your DNA is a condition for your love?! Nah, that's some bullsht. Stop punnishing children for the sins of their parent. He's a shiitty parent & a shiity person for viewing paternal love that way.👎

[@crowdemon_archives]

Some humans think more like beasts than men tbh

[@sourisvoleur4854]

Agree 100%

[@Sandstimes]

Exactly! Thank you! The comments made me feel like I'm going insane, it's so cruel that they have exactly 0 regard for arguably the biggest victim here. Unlike the father, the child has even less agency over the situation.

[@coreymartin6486]

That's different situations in how it makes people feel.....and any parent would say the same.

[@lamargordon6017]

I love the irony of women, who can't ever be purposefully deceived into raising another woman's child, telling a man to just suck it up and calling *him* the unempathetic one.

[@Restrictedeightteen]

Can we stop pretending a hurt and scared child has the mental capacity of and adult. A hurt adult abandons a child and that's ok, but a child reacting as a child isn't? You don't get to abandon a child and expect him to handle it well. I'm sorry but they should have sat down and talked to their son of 14 years not just up and leave and expect him to be ok and know how to handle it. Absolutely disgusting.

[@georgeprchal3924]

Yeah God knows teenagers aren't capable of intentionally hurting people. Kid knew what he was saying and hasn't bothered to apologize in 5 years means he meant what he said and doesn't regret it.

[@zerobolt9506]

Yea

[@SomaTDW]

Iva the terrible killed people and manipulate his kingdom to put him into the Zar position forever, A 11 YEAR OLD KID MANIPULATE AN ENTIRE COUNTRY TO MAKE HIM A ZAR FOR HIS ENTIRE LIFE. Stop infantilizing adolescents.

[@thebigmystery7841]

​​​@@georgeprchal3924and infants and babies can also intentionally make decisions that can hurt or bother someone like hitting. Yet...they are told what is right and wrong and correct. Acting like a teen who is still a developing kid who is currently going through the worst of it to act like an ADULT just SCREAMS that you cant fathom that kids can say things without having true meaning behind them. Had my lil bro say he hates my guts and wishes i was adopted? Welp he said that at 13 so he MUST have TRULY hated my guts. Guess im gonna drop him as family! You know how insane that actually sounds?... And to top it off, ignoring your kid of 14 years to then get fee fees when he snaps back after that? Most immature thing ive ever heard from a grown man of freaking 40. How fragile do you have to be to let the harsh words of your 14 year old to drop them? Absolutely crazy.

[@georgeprchal3924]

@@thebigmystery7841 so if he was 18 would you say it was a bad thing to say? Notice the son doesn't regret saying it five years later. That would imply he meant it.

[@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse]

Brother/dad had just lost the father he loved - son/nephew was now ALSO loosing the father he loved. The big difference is that the 14-year old had to look in his father’s eyes and see nothing but hatred and disappointment as he lost him. Was what the nephew said terrible? Yes. Did he say it because he was a teenager and trying to express the pain he was feeling at being a disappointment to his own father? Yes.

[@drako8343]

Where did it say he hated and was disappointed in his ‘son’ prior to those soul destroying insults?

[@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse]

@@drako8343 never said he did.

[@drako8343]

@@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse then how would he see hatred in his eyes if there was no hatred?

[@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse]

@@drako8343 why would he need to say it for it to be apparent?

[@drako8343]

@@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse how could it be apparent, if according to you he didn’t hate him before saying what he said?

[@LLawliet1011]

The first story people are so determined to make brother a total victim and the literal child the villain of his story. Whether you think brother has a right to be angry about the deception and have complicated feelings about the child he raised under false pretenses, doesn’t actually matter. The truth is that those feelings and emotions, and the actions he takes as a result of them, do not exist in a vacuum. The kid was 14, just barely into being a teen. And on top of fresh teenage hormones, his world is falling apart, and the man he loves as his father has completely rejected him due to no fault of his own. It doesn’t matter if the brother’s feelings are “justified” or even “understandable”. There’s a CHILD whose life is being broken by this, and OP is right: he ISN’T mature enough to handle them well. The people acting like the dad has nothing to apologize for seem to think children are tiny little robots that exist to fill out a family photo frame, and are probably annoyed they don’t pop out with a degree to help pay the bills. Maybe the man did need time. But kids can’t just be put on a shelf until you’re ready. OP explained that he literally didn’t explain anything to the kid, just ditched him. That’d break me, too.

[@CatgirltheCrazy]

Yeah, the double standard from some of the commenters on story 1 is truly breathtaking. The 14 year old gets abandoned by the only father figure he has and reacts like an angry teenager about it? He needs to grovel for forgiveness, how dare OP imply that there might be any extenuating circumstances. The brother, a fully grown adult, abandons a child he'd raised as his own for 14 years without a single backwards glance, and tries to strongarm other family members into doing the same even after having had years to come to terms with it? OP and the nephew need to be more considerate of what he was going through, they're the real villains here.

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

I think this is more of a cultural issue, Brits and Americans were basically raised by a who re and bas tard generation and see no big deal with what the mother did and her affair kid said. outside that cultural sphere people would crucify them both and OP would be socially forced to side with his brother. I ve been to Miami and Las Vegas and just hearing people referring to prostitutes and strippers as ladies was a big cultural shock to me.

[@jessicawolfe5861]

The comments are wild thinking this is all OPs fault. It’s not his fight. It’s his wedding. He can invite who he wants. They can make their choices.

[@georgeprchal3924]

He doesn't seem to care much for his brother though.

[@fiyahquacker2835]

​@@georgeprchal3924and his brother didn't care at the time about the kid he abandoned so why should the op care about the brother so much?

[@georgeprchal3924]

@@fiyahquacker2835 except it wasn't his kid because the ex-wife lied to him and manipulated him into marriage whilst engaging in paternity fraud. Then the guy told his nephew he should forgive his mother.

[@jaimedritt4622]

@@georgeprchal3924 Probably because his brother is jerk. The brother was cheated on, but what he did to a child was worse. He treated his ex-son cruelly, and his ex-son let him know what he thought about it.

[@sternenblumen]

Yeah, they are acting as if he is pushing the brother (and nephew) for reconciliation, "playing happy family", too. All he wants is having two people that are important to him there on an important day *in the same room for a few hours*. Brother is well within his rights to not speak to the nephew, to walk the other way when he sees him or whatever, he does not have the right to tell OP that he can't have the nephew there at all.

[@krisCrashTV]

"Your brother needed time" he had 5 years. He absolutely projected his rage onto that kid. I want a halloween party wedding now.

[@Aziara86]

If you raised that kid for 14 years, that's your son. It isn't his fault. Throw the cheating wife away, sure, but that boy is yours in every way that counts.

[@tranquility1967]

Agreed

[@user-blob]

Definitely.

[@dias951]

These are one of those stories where I want to scream at the commenters like cmon he was 14 jfc, AND he didn’t know his dad wanted space, all he knew was he was abandoned

[@peterhobson3262]

Last story: OP has a bright, shiny spine! It's so nice to see someone not be a doormat in this sort of situation. NTA.

[@lizthedisjointedzebra692]

WTF is worh people shitting on the nephew??? He was a CHILD, absolutely NO fourteen year old would handle being abandoned by the man that raised them well. AT ALL. And of course the dad went theough hell. But he is holding a grudge against a kid that he raised, for what his ex did. Absolute bullshit

[@user-nb8tk6hh6x]

14 is old enough to know you’re being an asshole 🤦🏽‍♀️

[@susankaempfer8427]

The red-pill brigade has infiltrated.

[@GoldenLeafsMovies]

I think he holds more a grudge for what the kid did rather than being an affair child. He said he needed time to think and maybe accept the kid, but the nephew barged in and demanded to be accepted by the dad and even insulted him. I understand he was a kid but even so somethings you can't take back.

[@Splatoon_Kirby]

@@GoldenLeafsMovies The Ex Dad didn't even have the decency to tell the boy himself that he needed time. He just ghosted the kid. Someone else had to tell him. I'd been pissed at 14 too if my parent couldn't even tell me themselves. A letter, an email or a text. Ghosting a child you had raised for 14 years without a word is an asshole and coward move. Now he wants OP to bring the Ex to the wedding so when he come with his new girl he can rub it in her face and use OP's wedding as an act of revenge. He doesn't care about family clearly by this. I don't care he was drunk when he did it, all being drunk does is make the truth come out.

[@GoldenLeafsMovies]

@@Splatoon_Kirby I agree with everything you said, but the kid was also wrong for doing what he did.

[@dragonkings01]

Brother got more splash damage than the Mother for the evil she did

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

he also worked hard to convince the boy to reconcile with his mother and nothing to reconcile him with his brother.

[@errantwinds-up8uu]

Story 1: I'm honestly shocked at how many people are going after the 14 year old kid for shouting angry words at the man who he thought was his father who had just abandoned him without a word. I'm completely on OP's side here.

[@boogitywoogity248]

Should’ve been shouting angrier words at his mother.

[@bettreon]

​@@boogitywoogity248came to say this.

[@sourisvoleur4854]

@@bettreon He did. Didn't you listen to the story?

[@bettreon]

@@sourisvoleur4854 then his uncle pacified that anger "because he will need people in his corner" so the son, needing a place to put it, placed it on his dad. None of this should have been on the dad. If the uncle actually gave a crap about his brother he would have pacified the nephew toward the dad. Let him get mad at the mom and waited to let his brother cool off. Instead everyone just said. Well mom did bad but it's dad's fault mom cheated and we won't be mad at her.

[@sourisvoleur4854]

@@bettreon Nobody said it's dad's fault mom cheated. Stop making shit up.

[@LordBison98]

Story 1: I'm sorry, but some commenters are insane. "Hold accountable the nephew", but nobody says to hold accountable the brother? He literally GOT UP and LEFT, ghosting his eldest and refusing to say anything or talk civilly. Sure, nephew did bad, I agree, but brother decided to just never ever try to talk anything out again, never tried to be an adult. 5 years passed and he still refuses to admit he abandoned his kid.

[@aduckofsomesort]

I don’t see how much of a demon the nephew was that some of those comments are making him out to be. Like really what did he do wrong at the time? It’s not like he chose to be a cheater baby. It’s not like he is wrongto be upset that his father of 14 years straight up abandoned him.

[@hollyberry0602]

Exactly! I mean I get that this was earth-shattering for the brother, but the nephew was A CHILD! He had no control over the circumstances of his birth, he lashed out because he's a kid who's whole life has been turned upside down! OP is totally right when he says that the nephew didn't have the emotional maturity to handle it in the best way. The real villain in all this is the nephew's mother. Yet it feels like the nephew is taking the brunt of the brother's anger to me.

[@georgeprchal3924]

He said what he said to his not father to hurt him and he didn't regret it because he meant it. But people never hold children accountable for their actions.

[@ineedhoez]

​@@georgeprchal3924because they're CHILDREN!!!!!! They are not responsible for their actions

[@zerobolt9506]

​@@georgeprchal3924 you're had enough youtube for the day Junior time to get off & go play with Legos

[@zerobolt9506]

That one commenter really pissed me off, acting like the nephew's siblings have nothing to do with him or even are his siblings anymore over then & you can tell that's what they thought given they were acting like they wasn't gonna have anything to do with OP anymore if he keeps interacting with nephew.

[@jackwatt8988]

The kid was abandoned after 14 years knowing this man as his father, what he said is quite mild in my opinion.

[@GreenKnight1982]

Yeah because the brother / father is supposed to just stick around and take care of the constant reminder of lies and betrayal by the one person that was supposed to always be on his side because fuck his feelings he's a man he doesn't deserve to have any

[@hopelessromantic3786]

Without even a word about it. That is so cruel that I can't even fathom it. Did he ever love this kid? How could he love and raise a child for 14 years just to cut him off without remorse?

[@user-nb8tk6hh6x]

Not his kid 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@GreenKnight1982]

@hopelessromantic3786 do you expect him to just stick around and constantly be reminded of the lies, infidelity and paternity fraud committed against him?

[@hopelessromantic3786]

@@GreenKnight1982 Divorce was inevitable, but I wouldn't trust anyone who could so easily flip a switch and not care about someone that he loved as a son for 14 years. If that were the normal response, couples whose babies got switched at birth would just trade back. After 14 years, the only connection that he had to this child was blood. No emotional ties? That's genuinely unnerving. This should be a sign to his other children and loved ones that they can all be easily discarded.

[@Streetwisefirst]

Story 1: I can’t believe the Reddit comments sometimes. This was a 14 y/o life was changed and just lost his father. And was as innocent as his father. Yes OP brother has the right to be upset but he’s till the adult, and that was a 14 y/o lashing out. Thank god that OP was in the nephews life to help keep him grounded

[@Art-zp1qg]

I’m ultimately on OP’s and nephew’s side but kids learn concepts like reciprocity long before they become teens.

[@SugarFreeZaddy]

A lot of comments from story 1 are so dense. It’s more than possible for the brother to be a victim and react in the worse way possible.

[@crowdemon_archives]

Yea, like both the brother and nephew said and did horrible shite, but only one of them is the adult here and it's not the brother alright...

[@SugarFreeZaddy]

@@crowdemon_archives exactly!! I feel bad that the brother went through what he did but his actions towards the nephew weren’t good or right

[@safespacebear]

Story 1: the comments are so crap on that story. It's not like they found out when the kid was two years old. He was 14 and his dad turned his back on him over something the mother did. I'd support a sibling thru a lot of things but I wouldn't turn my back on a family member for them.

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

The son was not the one who betrayed OP's brother. That was his wife! Instead of placing the blame where it belongs, the brother cut the kid out of his life - the only father the kid had ever known kicked him to the curb - then got mad at OP for sticking up for the kid. Brother was betrayed by HIS WIFE, not by a kid who had no control over who his parents are.

[@The_Resident_Cryptid]

Damn people really wanna act like a hormonal, hurt 14 year old is somehow supposed to be more emotionally mature about his entire life being fucked up than a grown ass man. If the brother wanted to hold a grudge and take his anger out on somebody, it should have been his ex, not the kid who didn't even fucking ask to be born.

[@Kebin13]

@@The_Resident_Cryptid a 14 years old know very well what they are saying ,stop trying to pretend like they are little babies that dont understand consequences.

[@AqcaPi]

@@Kebin13 A grown ass adult also should BEHAVE better than to date a SIGNFICANTLY younger women to spite his cheating ex and also forsake a child he raised his entire life. If anyone should have a forgiven card its the boy, not the brother. fuck you.

[@falxblade1352]

​@Kebin13 i agree with you Kid knew whatbhe was saying and he knew that he was right

[@The_Resident_Cryptid]

@@Kebin13 Damn you clearly don't remember what being 14 was like. Yes, they're smart and all, but they're still children. They're struggling in a transitional period with constant pressure to perform socially and academically, WHILST dealing with insane changes to their bodies, culture shock about how the real world works, and the fact that they're still figuring themselves out. And that's the shit a kid has to deal with WITHOUT the interference of things like mental illness or tragedy. At the end of the day, children (yes, even 14 year olds) are going to make mistakes and do stupid shit because they're still figuring things out. Yeah, what the nephew said was incredibly hurtful, and it was said at a terrible time. The brother was grieving the loss of his father and was angry at the betrayal of his ex. But you wanna know something? So was the nephew! He lost his grandfather, and had his entire life uprooted because of the sins of his mother, and then the man who raised him fucking leaves for something that's not even his fault. The brother was a grown ass man, and he couldn't even handle the first two parts of that shit show! The nephew snapping was inevitable.

[@jodieg6318]

@@Kebin13 A scared, angry, and deeply hurt person (even leave the age aside for minute) said something mean when he was abandoned with no explanation and his whole life was imploded ... shocking ... now add in the age, unlike his not-bio-father a 14 year old doesn't have the options to up stakes and leave the situation so he had to learn how to grow and handle the situation unlike the brother who is still acting like a child.

[@jeremyposey23]

If I found out the kid I raised for 14 years wasn't mine he'd still be my son. Being upset about it is okay running away like that tells me he isn't much of a father anyway. It's not like founding our months or even a couple of years. 14? That kid is yours at that point. That kid was probably hurt at finding out just as much, lets just add abandonment as well.

[@hadouradiance3566]

Yeahhh..no. The brother immediately abandoned a boy who he raised for 14 years. He absolutely has something to apologize to him for. It doesnt matter that his ex was a harlot who cheated. That boy was a FRESHMAN in high school who got abandoned over no fault of his own. Cheating is bad yes but that will never excuse such an action. And it also doesn't justify trying to demand someone change their wedding list. You can choose to come or not, that is it. The brother is ridiculous, and the comments siding with him have horrified me. Imagine implying the 14 year old boy deserved to be abandoned because he said some mean words. I understand the brother is deeply hurt and what the nephew said is unacceptable and like pouring lava into an open wound, but you abandoned him. As a child. That's inexcusable. I'm surprised he didn’t say worse. Yes hes not biologically his but you raised him for 14 YEARS. YOU ARE HIS FATHER. Or at least you were.

[@user-nb8tk6hh6x]

No, he’s not you don’t get to tell men that they are the father of a child that they did not father just because you want them to fucking take that responsibility. Do you lack of sympathy? Men is ridiculous to me and I’m saying this is a woman it’s really fucking weird, no he does not fatherhood to this kid not his he was tricked into it

[@dorianleakey]

its interesting how everyone is seeing it as a purely biological thing. On the other hand, the OP asked for judgement then refused to discuss that judgement and just kept saying "im right, im right, im right, im right, over and over and over. its likely fiction, the way he refuses judgement and suddenly the brother has a huge age gap relationship so we hate him, clearly its said to change the judgement. edit: I mean that the sotry was told with the intention of all of us agreeing entirely then he couldnt accept some didnt. I can understand being able to switch feelings off like the brother in the story.

[@SapphWolf]

Agreed. Obviously the brother was obviously feeling a LOT of complicated emotions at the time. His dad dying and finding out his wife had been cheating on him for years, he threw his life away for someone he just wanted him for stability, and his eldest son isn't even biologically his and is probably consideringwhat that means for their relationship. That's a LOT. Kid was ALSO feeling a lot of big complicated emotions. He's angry at his mom for betraying thr family, for hurting his dad, his grandfather just died, he just found out his dad isn't his bio-dad, and he's feeling abandoned by his father. Regardless one is and adult with at least three kids and one is a scared, hurt and angry young teen. The kid gets a much larger amount of slack than the brother in my eyes.

[@darianwells9191]

At the very least he should have explained, said goodbye, and wished him well, but he didn't even have the balls to do that, brother is a tool, and so is his ex wife

[@alexfunniman5335]

But his is not his kid

[@AlyssMadigan]

The nephew literally lost his dad, his mom's emotional stability, his family was falling apart and then his grandpa died too. Brother wasn't the only one suffering here. Brother had all the reasons in the world to be hurt and that's okay. But that was THE WOMANS FAULT not the CHILDS. He abandoned him without even telling him what was wrong in the first place. That was childish and one of the worst things you could do to a child who thinks you are their parent. On top of all that, brothers new gf is young enough to almost be his daughters age????? Excuse me? Bro is toxic to himself and everyone else.

[@jodieg6318]

Also another factor, at 14 the nephew didn't have the luxury of being able to up stakes and peace out of the situation so he could "have space to work through it" he had deal with his father's abandonment, his mother's cheating, and the person he called father for 14 years not even wanting any custody of him. Nephew had to deal with all this which is why I suspect that 5 years later the 19 year old is the one acting more like an adult than the brother who is dating someone young enough to be his daughter and wants the whole family to cut off nephew because *checks notes* he said said something mean to him.

[@yusuka4ev830]

Sounds like hes going through a crises after learning everything was a lie and is resentful and trying to get back his missed years. Pitiful jackass.

[@Nina-Kat]

Abandons one kid he raised for 14 years and now dating a younger woman his daughter doesn't like , all this on top of making demand for a guest list to someones else wedding. Yeah sounds like such a great guy.🙄

[@georgeprchal3924]

Yeah no blame on the woman who manipulated him into marriage and forced him to give up his dreams to raise another man's child.

[@ineedhoez]

Right? Grade a nice guy all around.

[@toothless3835]

the younger woman is over 25. I don't see the issue unless he'd been chatting her up since she was 19. The daughter doesn't like her because she thinks the woman's too young. If she had a different reason then I'd agree. but really the brother had all sorts of a mess. Kid he abandoned his future plans and drastically altered his life for wasn't his and that broke him. He was 19 when the kid was born. He did what everyone would consider the right thing and help raised what he believed to be his kid. and married the woman who had been carrying what he thought was his kid. It's sad and unfair for that kid that he left him. But honestly, it's the mother's fault, not the brothers. He had no obligation or responsibility to stay in the kid's life. Quite honestly, he probably have trouble getting 50/50 custody over him since he had no blood relation to the kid. It really depends on the court. Yes, the child said some terrible shit and shouldn't have said what he said. But he clearly knew why the brother left otherwise he wouldn't have said what he said. He clearly knew he was the affair baby at that point. Brother needed time, and didn't tell the kid, but again, it wasn't really his responsibility, it was the mother's. She's the true asshole. Brother needs mental help. And honestly, blaming someone for leaving a kid that's not there's that they thought was is kind of annoying. He was lied to. And women who do that are the worst. You can be sad for the kid who has to go through that. But those who leave aren't monsters for doing so. The brother was never given a choice in the matter. His ex-wife took that choice from him.

[@SomaTDW]

The least shitty of the 3, his son and ex-wife are way worse assholes.

[@prince-Ciel]

Don't forget, also wanted to invite the ex just to show off her girlfriend who's half the age of both of them like a shiny toy. He was drunk when he made that text, but still. What a class act

[@Russman67]

Story 1: Coming at this from the standpoint of being a dad, the only real villain here is the cheating ex-wife who "believed" That was the brother's child. Everyone else is dealing with levels of pain and betrayal that none of us could ever imagine. Now should the brother of runaway and stayed gone? No. As ticked off as he is, the boy didn't ask for this. He had no choice in it. Should the boy have cut him so deep? No. And he didn't just cut him, he cut him after his dad died. He knows he messed up but he's too proud to walk that one back. But still none of this would have happened if Mom hadn't decided to slip fall and land on someone else's junk. ESH but the mom is professional grade suckage.

[@bessieburnet9816]

No, the brother is the villain too. Men in paternity fraud cases become just as bad as the women when they abandon a child who loved and depended on them their whole lives so easily like they were nothing. Blood or not, you're a father. Act like it.

[@This-is-dumb-af]

⁠@@bessieburnet9816you don’t get to tell men how to act for a situation YOU would never be put in. How dare you act like this man didn’t just get the ultimate betrayal by a woman he trusted enough to marry. Unfortunately for people like you, (the ones who obviously green light paternity fraud) most of us would like to have our own biological children.

[@Russman67]

@@bessieburnet9816 No, I said everybody sucks here and I'll stick to it. Brother abdicated the father role to this now 19 year old five years ago. It's easy for us to say "Act like a father" but he's not the father. Right now, that is an asshole move to block the boy off. But it is NOT worse than the woman passing off a kid as his for 14 years, 15, if you include pregnancy. Find out you've lived a lie for that long and there's no easy way back.

[@jaragi]

@@bessieburnet9816​​⁠​⁠no, men in paternity fraud are victims. He was tricked and manipulated into raising a kid that wasn’t his and never given a proper choice in the matter. Had he known the kid wasn’t his beforehand an decided to raise him only to later abandon him, then fine. But that’s not what happened. He was tricked while the real father is out there avoiding responsibility.

[@YellaBellaReno]

The least he could have done was talk to his non-bio son before he disappeared. And since he didn’t, then the least he can do is forgive him for lashing out.

[@ragnarokxg2113]

How could someone abandon a child they've raised for 14 years? If I discovered a child wasn't biologically mine after all that time, I'd be shocked, but I would never abandon them. That child would still be mine because I'm the one who raised them.

[@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64]

The comments on the first story are WILD and so out of the norm for AITA Redditors. The usual stance is that the teenage brain doesn't mature until 25 so no child can ever be held accountable and it’s always the parents fault (which is a stance that’s problematic in it’s own right) but then this post comes along and then a 14 year old is expected to be a paragon of good behaviour when faced with learning one parent is a POS and the other is walking out on him for no reason he can change. And if that wasn’t enough of a doozy, according to the comments the grown man is fine and dandy to abandon a child he's raised without so much as a shred of empathy for said kid, and he's totally absolved of all blame because said kid said something mean to him once. That’s not to say I don’t understand his position, his entire world was also ripped asunder and sometimes a parent needs to get their own shit under control before they can deal with anything else, like how it’s instructed for the adult to put their own oxygen mask on first before helping the child, but to outright abandon him without a second thought was just despicable. My heart goes out to the teenager, honestly. Doesn't sound like anyone in this situation is putting his welfare first apart from the OP.

[@user-nb8tk6hh6x]

Th as t kid sucks

[@kileaf]

Some people need to learn that no matter what age you are some things you say and at the times you say them just can't be forgiven no matter what.

[@jodieg6318]

Reddit is so rabid when it comes to cheating they will even go after the children that are the products of an affair. I remember one story where the OP was an affair baby and her half sister had stalked and harassed her mother till she almost miscarried and the comments were going wild about how could OP love her mom when she was filthy cheater? Like because OP was an affair baby she had to atone for her mother's social indiscretion by completely renouncing and shaming her mom. Same idea here, cause the kid is an affair baby apparently he's suppose to see that he deserves to have his father abandon him, not want custody save his siblings and live forever with the stigma of being an affair baby. What a cesspool this place is sometimes.

[@hi_stranger9156]

The OP 2 is badass.

[@kardellious]

Love it she should also block em

[@smorphous8928]

I don’t blame the nephew for making that comment, what I got from this story Op has been raising his brothers kid for basically all his life. While the bio dad only comes in to support financially.

[@PurpleRanger12]

Story 1: after 14 years of raising the son and then being able to abandon him seemingly so easily…idk maybe I don’t understand the mindset but if I raised a kid for that long and then found out I wasn’t biologically related to them, I don’t think I’d be able to just leave so easily. Be mad at the spouse and have complex feelings to work through regarding the kid? Yeah sure but just leaving? I’d think over that time he’d have formed some sort of emotional connection or something that would keep him in the kid’s life. Edit: I was gonna say “leave” instead of abandon but OP’s brother, to the nephew’s perspective, did abandon him. One day he had a dad and the next he didn’t without any explanation or warning from OP’s brother.

[@Khiarika1]

I think that's why he's the asshole...and so are half of the commenters. Would anybody abandon their own child after that one sentence the kid said? "No". the problem was that OP's brother IMMEDIATELY emotionally cut ties from the kid. The sentence he uttered was just an excuse to physically cut ties too. He did it so easily, and he's hiding behind that comment as an excuse.

[@davidnash8208]

Unless it has happened to you, you can't know how he feels about thinking the boy was his and finding out it's all a lie.

[@PurpleRanger12]

@@davidnash8208 You're right, I can't but to me at this moment, I also can't see myself viewing it the way OP's brother did. Guess just differing mindsets

[@davidnash8208]

@@PurpleRanger12 Exactly, but, maybe not you, too many people are trying to gain the moral high ground who haven ever been in his position. For them it is hypothetical, for him it is reality.

[@PurpleRanger12]

@@davidnash8208 We're talking about stories on reddit. Everything is hypothetical lol but if we're talking about reality, it's also a reality for the nephew that the person who he believed was his dad abandoned him (if OP's info about the brother leaving without telling the kid anything). Sure, don't judge the brother for not taking the "moral high ground" but also don't judge the nephew either (especially when one was the adult in the situation and one was a kid) Regardless, no matter what happened in the past, this is OP's wedding. He gets to decide who is invited and who's not and frankly, no one other than his spouse has any right or entitlement to demand otherwise.

[@MmMm-yd4rn]

Crossing fingers for update on story 2, that's a spicy one warrantied

[@kaedehara2353]

Story 1: I love how people on reddit are blaming a literal child because a grown man couldn't separate a 14 year old from what his ex did and ignored that fact that the kid was upset that he lost his dad and whole world and he just abandoned him completely that's is really shitty! Then holding a grudge against a child is insane and honestly i think it makes him an asshole!

[@user-nb8tk6hh6x]

14 year olds are old enough to know then they’re being assholes

[@kaedehara2353]

@@user-nb8tk6hh6x yea they are but a grown man holding a grudge because a child he abandoned who just wanted to see him got upset at being turned away and ignored by the only dad hes ever know obviously he would be mad on top of that he was willing to give an apology and the ops brother was not and wanted him barred from the wedding!

[@shadowsaiph]

Story 1: I completely agree with you and with the OOP. This was a hard situation, and I think OOP is like the only person who recognizes that teenagers... are teenagers. They say things that can be completely harsh and cruel when their emotions get the better of them. Lord knows I've said some horrible things that I later regretted... and some things I don't but that's another story.

[@burnscooper892]

Story 1: I can’t believe some of those comments were actually siding with the brother. I get that he was hurt since he discovered his eldest child wasn’t his and his dad died soon after, but this man abandoned a kid he raised for 14 years, holds a grudge against him for saying some really harsh stuff, and is trying to dictate who his brother can invite to his own wedding. OP is NTA.

[@eye-chan1711]

Story 1: Reddit when a man throws away everything and everyone because of a tough situation: “Have some sympathy.” Reddit when a 14 year old doesn’t respond perfectly to being abandoned and having their life destroyed: “Has he taken accountability yet? He should be more emotional controlled.” I think the nephew’s actions were harsh, but the brother literally just made things worse. If you can understand why a GROWN ADULT didn’t make the responsible decision then you can understand why a child will act like a child. This is why I hate this Reddit mentality that cheating and getting cheated on is this completely unforgivable sin. It definitely sucks, but it doesn’t justify being a crappy parent or abandoning your child(I don’t care if the kid isn’t biological his. If you’ve raised a kid for 14 years then it’s yours).

[@onewingedangel9189]

Fuck everyone who took the brother's side like wow

[@crisjo6973]

LOVE the OP in the 2nd story. Absolute queen and glad she told the to kick rocks.

[@Sam-ow9zp]

“hey 14 year old child who was abandoned by the only father he’s ever known, why did you hurt a grown man’s feelings half a decade ago? you deserve your abandonment and shouldn’t get to participate in your families life”

[@user-nb8tk6hh6x]

Not his father, it’s weird how we expect men to raise kids that are not theirs unknowingly without complaints

[@Sam-ow9zp]

⁠@@user-nb8tk6hh6xhe did raise the kid tho. for 14 years. the expectation is that it is bad to abandon the child you raised their entire life. we barely expect men to raise their own kids so idk what you are on about.

[@crowdemon_archives]

​@@user-nb8tk6hh6xit's because for this case, they already did the raising? It's a bit different if the child in question is literally days to months old, as opposed to *more than a fucking decade old*.

[@SounnyKitty]

"You can't pull an invitation from a wedding," lol. Yes, I can if it's my wedding. I can uninvite you to my funeral if I choose.

[@SorenPenrose]

Wait he completely abandoned a kid because a teenager said teenage stuff. And he never walked any of it back?? Brother has issues, but they are his issues. Everyone saying “teenagers need accountability” aren’t actually asking for accountability. They want retribution. They are wrong.

[@wenhall6258]

Story 1NTA it young 14 year old it hard find out he not his dad too . Get both sides hard for the father and son no matter what good luck to them both

[@GiordanDiodato]

Old enough to know better

[@lokcachte]

Story 1: I still don’t think the OP is an asshole, not entirely at least. The issue is a lot more complex and painful of a situation than who isn’t or is the asshole beyond the cheating mother. This is tough and I feel bad for both the son and the father. I’m not sure what I’d do in this situation. There isn’t a perfect conclusion.

[@tatkkyo9911]

Story 1 is a nuclear cluster F. That ex set a landmine and it destroyed everyone. I cant say id handle the situation well if i were in anyof there shoes. I honestly wouldnt have been suprised if the dad had offed himself. How does anyone heal from all that i dont know

[@bessieburnet9816]

And the brother became just as bad when he decided to throw away the son that loved and was depending on him like he meant nothing to him.

[@tatkkyo9911]

​@@bessieburnet9816naw he's shite but she's the worst. Dad's in second place.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Yeah. As far as I'm concerned, OP's brother's ex is the true big bad of the story. Even if OP's brother and nephew are no angels themselves.

[@GiordanDiodato]

​@@bessieburnet9816after what the nephew said, I don't blame him

[@tatkkyo9911]

​@@PrincessQ-fj9lythey're both hurt people hurting others and themselves

[@hoper1294]

Wtf? I get boundaries but the kid was 14! I have a 14 year old cousin and could never hold a grudge that petty. I'd uninvited the brother and possible ask the mom to just bring the kids. The brothers dad dying isn't an excuse to treat someone bad and "needs time to process?" "Those words were fighting words?" ITS BEEN 5 YEARS. Get help.

[@CircusoftheMoon]

S1: Brother saw an out when nephew said the horrible stuff and took it. If being in the nephew’s life was an option he was truly interested in then he would’ve had a conversation about needing space before bailing. And don’t get me wrong I totally feel for the brother, but he clearly was handed an out and took it.

[@TopazFire15]

Those comments were INSANE. Imagine if their comments were used as evidence against them in their own family disputes. That’d shut them up real quick. Like holy hell, stop drinking the Reddit koolaid, you’re not a strong independent man if you abandon your child of 14 years just because their mother cheated. If biology matters more than the bond you’ve built, don’t bother getting a new SO, don’t bother adopting or fostering, hell, don’t even adopt a pet.

[@thebacklashwaveV]

I feel like the mom got a lot of grace, like her not knowing, isnt a exscuse for any of the bs she pulled. Also why would he even want her in his corner?

[@vanzy01]

💯👍

[@user-nb8tk6hh6x]

Exactly nobody’s calling all OP for literally siding with his brother’s cheater. You already know he’s the problem and he’s making it out to make his brother look bad again as if this lady wasn’t the one who made everything bad in the first place and now everybody wants to man to take responsibility for a child that is not his.

[@gigigameleira]

The kid didn't have many options for support, his mom destroyed his life and caused him to lose his father but without her he would only have his uncle and we don't know how much op was able / willing to support him at the time. He didn't want his mother around, op advised him to reconsider because he probably needed her

[@sagesaria]

Honestly, the one thing that's making me angry at OP1 is his comments about "if nephew keeps pushing people away, he'll have less people in his corner" That's exactly the kind of comment my biological father tried to hold over me when I cut him (temporarily) out of my life. "If you don't want to see me again, fine, then you won't get rides to campus or lunch money or a place to stay if things go poorly at home." Never mind that at that point in my life I would literally rather die than be in his car or stay in his home because of how he'd been treating me. It feels like "but faaaaamily" in a fancy hat. And furthermore, it is LITERALLY the sister in law's fault this happened when SHE CHEATED. It doesn't MATTER that she didn't know nephew wasn't brother's because SHE STILL CHEATED.

[@potatoempress5731]

This one right here. Thank you. I hate how OP seemingly defends the cheating ex-SIL but when it comes to his brother and nephew's relationship he says "not my problem" ughhh

[@LaluMakesFilms]

Y’all need to realize that those conversations took place while the kid was still a minor. Do you expect him to cut out the only parent he lives with???? Yeah she did a terribly shitty thing, but it’s not like abandoning her would get his dad back. Do you want the kid to be an orphan out of spite????

[@thylionheart]

Story 1: all the people acting like the second you find out a child isn’t biologically yours completely erases the previous 14 years of raising them and being their parent makes me so angry. That _is_ your child because _you raised them_ and if you can flip a switch in your head and stop seeing a child, especially a minor child, as yours after literally over a decade of raising them just because a DNA test…..I fundamentally don’t understand you. Yes, you were betrayed, yes you were lied to, yes you were cheated on-but that’s _not_ the child’s fault and they will _absolutely_ experience abandonment trauma by your refusal to remain in their life.

[@crowdemon_archives]

It's a little bit similar to raising a perfectly healthy dog and abandoning them just because you got bored of them ngl Obviously a dog doesn't usually involves cheating and serious betrayal, but to the dog, is it any different though?

[@cheesedemon88]

Men like this scare me. They don't seem to see kids as anythign else then an extention of their DNA. If you can discard someone because of their DNA, did you really ever love them?

[@philwill0123]

​@@cheesedemon88you ignoring this isn't a white lie, it's a betrayal where you are treated like a joke. The woman didn't just lie, she trapped him in a situation so he had to bond with the child. It's different if after finding out she was pregnant, she gave him the option to walk away. She lied to him, his family and friend and made him believe the child was his, so when the crap hits the fan, he's emotionally blackmailed to still be his father. He was manipulated to stay in a relationship with heater. She stole 14 years of his life by lying.

[@philwill0123]

​@@crowdemon_archivesno, because you know the dog is yours all the way through. You arent forced to believe you are the owner.

[@cheesedemon88]

@@philwill0123 I'm not defending the woman. I'm just saying if you discard a whole person, that you spent 14 years building a relationship with, because they were not splooged out of your dick, then I have a hard time believeing that you ever loved that kid as his own person. If it was an infant, that he had not had time to make a relationship with, I'd be the first one to tell him to run. If his kid was switched at birth, would you still not judge him if he just left?

[@boogitywoogity248]

OP in the first story is one of the worst brothers I’ve ever seen. His brother’s life gets derailed by a lie, he gives the maximum benefit of the doubt to everyone including SIL but brother. SIL wasn’t knowingly lying, she was only sorta knowingly lying. Lmfao. Nephew was a 14 year old who said one of the most horrific things possible, but he needs a mutual apology. Yeah OP is a horrible person. Not surprising.

[@muhname6052]

Imagine holding a grudge against a kid fir this long.

[@SpaceJunk07]

S1: someone in the Reddit comments mentioned that there was no real confirmation on whether or not a paternity test was done and it’s possible the blood type could’ve come from another family member or be a lab error. If no test was done can you imagine if that was his son all along??

[@FrankWhite-uc6gt]

1st story: Sad for everyone. 2nd story: Spine of steel and zero tolerance for BS

[@orchidoxs126]

Story 1: If the brother doesn't want a relationship with op's nephew anymore I understand. But he doesn't get to dictate that op drops him.

[@lindsayd6962]

STORY 1: It is not the nephews fault his mother cheated. How can you just abandon a child you raised as yours for 14 years.

[@georgeprchal3924]

Always nice how men are expected to raise everyone's child everywhere.

[@bladerdark5149]

why he has to raise another man child

[@fiyahquacker2835]

​@@georgeprchal3924nope just don't entirely abandon them.

[@fiyahquacker2835]

​@@bladerdark5149he doesn't have to, he just has to not entirely abandon him.

[@InvasionAnimation]

Why should a man be expected to raise someone else's child? As long as he pays child support, his choice on a continued relationship is his.

[@sabrinahinton1774]

S1 NTA) The child didn’t ask to be born. This man raised him for 14yrs and you just cut him off with no feelings for how he felt. Yes, what he said was wrong but emotions were high and raw. Some of these commenters are delusional how do you cut off feelings like that. It’s the Op wedding and he has been in his life for 19yrs so why should he get abandoned twice. If the brother doesn’t want to attend the wedding it’s his choice he can enjoy his new 27yro gf alone. If it mean choosing between the two he should choose his nephew.

[@snakesandstones4252]

Mark, I'm relieved/glad to see you empathize and see the problems in the father/brother's actions and agree with the OP--even though you said the comments were mixed, you were mainly reading the negative, extremely shitty/one sided comments against OP so I was a bit concerned and honestly hearing them was infuriating.

[@lulutrinae5781]

Story 1: I think OP put it perfectly "He's being petty and childish taking the words of a scared 14 year old personally. Who said something shitty because his entire world was falling apart, and the person he relied on his whole life suddenly pulling away." and also "Instead of approaching it like an adult, you decided to give adult weight to a teenagers words and cut him off completely." not full direct quotes but like...holy shit. Lets keep in mind its the ex wife who f-d up. SHE cheated. SHE lied. SHE is the reason this happened. HER choices and actions influenced the course the brothers life took. That is ENTIRELY ON HER. NOT the 14 year old. HE had ZERO say in any of that and its beyond shitty how the brother handled this. You can't erase 14 years of parenthood and pretend it never happened regardless of circumstances. It is just so, so SHITTY to put the blame on the kiddo and take out all the anger on him for that. OP is such a man for basically stepping up and making sure his nephew didn't spiral or be isolated because of his mothers bs. Hell he's STILL carrying that torch with how he was telling the shitty comments off for ganging up on a 14 year old who made a bad choice under emotional distress. Waaaaay more of a father and man than the brother will ever be.

[@YellaBellaReno]

S1: I’m sorry, but if I raised a child as my own for 14 years, only to find out he wasn’t mine, I wouldn’t up and abandon him with no explanation. And if I did, I’d apologize. WTF is wrong with Reddit?

[@HighPhoenix1754]

It is quite different from man's perspective, who changed the entire trajectory of his life to raise this person. Some are able to just shrug off the heart and heartache that naturally causes, sacrifice in order to ensure the child's comfort as they are ultimately innocent.. but.. Coupled with the death of his own father, and I can see and have sympathy for how this can all be too much for him to handle at once. Had he gotten the time to process, I imagine this going much differently. All of that said, he doesn't have the right to dictate who OP has at his wedding. It's been half a decade, and while what the nephew said was devastating, it doesn't give him the right to dictate who OP has at the wedding. OP NTA.

[@bettreon]

Yeah. Good thing that could never happen to you without you fully knowing the child isn't yours.

[@YellaBellaReno]

@@bettreon true, I just think it’s interesting. His son is also a man, and still doesn’t get it. OP is a man, and they lost the same father, and he still doesn’t get it. Feels less like a man-thing, and more like a personal character thing.

[@bettreon]

@@YellaBellaReno the nephew "lost" a dad. His dad isn't dead like the brothers. So there is a difference there. Plus the brother asked for space and when the kid had nowhere else to turn with his anger he pushed it onto his dad and forced it before he was ready. Then literally blamed his father for his mother sleeping around and said grandpa thought he was a failure. A 14 year old knows exactly what he was saying. But the uncle was never a help to his brother or his nephew. He should have told the nephew to be mad at mom without going to overboard and to give dad some time to work things through.

[@WhiteWolf-lm7gj]

@@bettreon The brother didn't ask for space though, that's the problem

[@angeleyesgreen1586]

The amount of vitriol reddit had for that poor little kid who lost his dad is unbelievable. OP's former sil did not just cheat on and betray OP's brother. She betrayed the whole family. The one who got the worst, undeserved punishment was a 14 yr old child. He didn't deserve to be betrayed by his mother, theism away by his father, and have to get used to not being loved anymore. That 14 yr old did not cheat on OP's brother. He did not break the family. His mother did. And is like to address this "OP's brother needed a break" thing. He needed time away from his stbx. He did not need a break from his son. He chose to take a break from his son to rip the bandaid off and get a jump-start on closing his heart and straight up abandoning him. The fact is, OP's brother was the grownup in the situation. It is unfair to treat a 14 yr old like a grown-up. He still had another decade to go before his brain speed developing ffs

[@lalaevee]

Story 1: those were some really hurtful words and I’d definitely understand if the relationship was strained afterwards but just abandoning a child you viewed as your own for 14 years is wild to me

[@ruthsaunders9507]

Unfortunately that child instantly become a symbol of ultimate betrayal. Its probably much healthier for him to stay away. Women that do that are evil.

[@Restrictedeightteen]

​@@ruthsaunders9507 What kind of person can suddenly stop loving a child they raised and be ok destroying him like that? The only person that deserved to be punished was the mother

[@toothless3835]

@@ruthsaunders9507 Yeah. not to mention it was because he thought he was a father that he abandoned what he had originally intended for his future. If a man knows the kid isn't his and decides he'll be the father of a kid not his blood, that's one thing. My dad met my mom when I was 1 years old. He became my dad. Raised me like his. He wasn't cheated on and learned later I wasn't his. I was his the moment he decided to stay with and date my mother. I am his oldest. He introduces me as such. Sure, the kid might have been raised for 14 years by OP's brother, but OP needed time to think and process and the kid said some shitty things. It's like if I ever told my dad he's not my dad. How deep that cuts isn't something you can take back. It doesn't matter it was from a child who was just hurting. It wasn't OP's brother's responsibility. The brother needs help. He's not dealing with anything well at all.

[@ruthsaunders9507]

@@Restrictedeightteen The mother caused it all. She made the son the living symbol of her betrayal. The man changed his whole life trajectory to "do the right thing".

[@user-nb8tk6hh6x]

That’s not his kid he didn’t go to college for this kid, im on his side

[@CarinaCoffee]

Story 2: I love this! If you tell someone you won't come to a wedding 6 weeks prior to it (because you don't agree with it or for some other reason, doesn't matter) then you can't complain when your invitation is officially rescinded and claim you had any intention to come afterall, cus that's not what you said. This is a wonderful case of fuck around and find out. I'm glad OP is standing up for themselves and that wedding sounds like it will be much fun.

[@Kimberly_Sparkles]

OP: Every time I see a story like this I am reminded that many men do not love their children at all. They only love their own DNA. As soon as that DNA disappears, they are gone. If I were the biological child of a man like this, I don't know that I'd ever trust or love him again. Seeing how easy they can shut their feelings off.

[@avidvideoswatcher]

This is the perfect conclusion. 👏

[@thestalker67]

😂😂😂😂😂

[@ShadowTh3Reaper]

What disgusting and ignorant takeaway. Women like u r the reason men dont trust completely

[@potatoempress5731]

Story 1 : I don't like how OP seemingly want to wash his hands off this but the problem stems from his wedding guests list >_> Also how he's so relaxed towards the cheating ex-SIL, telling nephew to not compeltely reprimand his cheating mother because it's _HIS_ mother after all but when it comes to him he's all like "it's not my problem" x10000. Hypocrite much?

[@ebagentj]

Story 1: I gotta side with OP here, although I'd ask for INFO: has the nephew tried to reach out and apologize? I know he said his brother refuses to apologize to the nephew, but it sounds like the nephew is willing to apologize if it'll end this feud between them. Yes, what the kid was was very cruel, but he was *14*. Were any of the commenters full of emotional maturity at that age? Especially after having the only father he's ever known kick him to the curb like he meant nothing to him. It honestly sounds like the kid is more mature than the brother at this point. Story 2: Hey, I'll be your family and go to your wedding, OP. A Halloween wedding sounds like a blast and I applaud your level of pettiness.

I would stop my self first before saying words like that to my father.

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#2 - I love OP and she is NTA! Love that she kicked asses, took names and sent uninvite notices. FAFO indeed. Good on her! Hope they have a blast - sounds like a really fun wedding to attend (minus the tight-assed relatives, mind).