I Lied About Who My Baby Daddy Is And He Found Out In The Worst Way Possible r/Relationships

[@arleneclark6369]

Story 1, the cousin tells OP she moved on fast?? Meanwhile Jeff is talking about marrying the girl he started dating 5 MONTHS after he and OP broke up.🙄

[@dream6562]

Nope a year

[@namename2040]

Year and a half even

[@yozarahirvi4750]

around years in fact. after a year an a half with grace, she left him, he had sex with OP and they concieved the baby, then he got back with grace and proposed months later. so it's after almost years of relationship with grace that he proposed to her (still very rushed though)

[@Kris-wo4pj]

​@@yozarahirvi4750id consider it 5 months into proposing cuz the relationship should always reset after a break up. The issues dont magically go away that caused rhe break up.

[@dream6562]

@Kris-wo4pj yeah that doesn't change their prior history together, you can say it should but easier said than done for certain people, it just a confusing set of relationships

[@maureenfitzgerald3498]

"he didn't want to lose another woman." I love that. I LOVE when they talk about how "I _lost_ him/her/you." You didn't lose them, you fucknuckles. You threw them away.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

Fucknuckles! I love it! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@peeonthe3rdrail414]

Why does that bring you joy?

[@lenardjones4666]

that's a good one! LOL

[@Tijggie82]

@@peeonthe3rdrail414 it was probably used ironically. It's kind of amazing how people lie to themselves to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions.

[@browhattheactualfu-2659]

Balled up the relationship and kobe'ed it into a trashcan

[@candiebarr6745]

Part of the reason for the child taking the mothers surname is that it makes it easier for the child to have the surname of the primary caregiver at school and doctors and such.

[@seabreezeblank1513]

When I got divorced he demanded I take back my maiden name but all of my sons had his name I wasn't going to have a different name and I refused. I'd had his name longer than I'd had my maiden name

[@pikachu7572]

And exactly how has he shown he's earned the baby having his surname? He could flip flop about being around tomorrow just like he's flip flopped on marriage, the op and grace, and to some extent kids

[@michelledalenaa]

To be honest, if I had ever found myself in her situation, I'd go with Spanish naming customs. The kid would be given the dad's and mom's last names. No hyphenation there either. Two last names.

[@PlayChaosVoices]

Grand children will have four surnames and grand children eight? Or seven is the limit, different one for everyday a week

[@michelledalenaa]

@@PlayChaosVoices Not how Spanish naming conventions work. Everyone has two last names and only two. Everyone gets their father's first last name and their mother's first last name. It's amazing that other cultures are completely able to do these things without everyone having to only have one last name and/or change their names on marriage without confusion.

[@brittalex42]

Anybody else think that Jeff's family are both excited and relieved that this news came when it did? I don't think they were big fans of Grace but I do think that they like OP.

[@Ginamm13579]

THIS !!!!!! Exactly 😅 RIGHT!!!

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

Well she chose violence as a closure for her relationship after she demanded a father to abandon his child for her and said no! I don't like Jeff but I am happy for him since he dodged a future with a narcissistic physically abusive wife, he already has serious issues on his own and he doesn't need additional trauma.

[@MONKEYDZETS]

@@gostavoadolfos2023 exactly she didn’t tell me you had a kid she’s like oh I don’t wanna see your picture so I’m moving out of state and not sure when you have a child and your child asked what happened to you I’m gonna tell him you weren’t abandon mommy just didn’t wanna deal with your daddy so I took you away from him yet going up in the black community. Let me tell you something wicked find out that your dad still an abandoned him and Mom ruin their life or even a chance of meeting big dad yeah, I guess who just not being talk to mom

[@mogulmade]

Of course they love Op. She's the doormat that will not have the balls to leave their son completely. 4 years and he proposed to someone else... but none of them reached out to her 😅... but they could suddenly make it out of town for a baby shower. I'm so happy Grace got out of that relationship. She is the only one who will escape unscathed from that loser

[@ivyproductions7097]

@@mogulmadeWho reaches out to a family member’s ex? That’s super weird

[@blacksparrow15]

OP was spot on when she said Jeff lets fear dictate his life

[@michaelturner5050]

Yeah when you write your own fiction you can make the characters into whatever you want them to be.

[@flavialm1]

@@michaelturner5050 This doesn't seem fiction to me, I saw worst then this. This is regular day to day life.

[@genesisplus4325]

*lets

[@arycosta7293]

Jeff’s a Sith Lord

[@genesisplus4325]

@@arycosta7293 Only a Sith deals in abs- hey, whaddya know, I'm a Sith too.

[@leabee8101]

i'm sorry asking her "how can you move on so fast" when he's literally in a whole other relationship talking about marrying her is so...misogynistic

[@chickensandwich8808]

it definitely AT LEAST has the undertones of it, definitely. At best it is an immature selfish thing to say.

[@owl7072]

"How could you move on so fast" Op got dumped for another woman. Another woman who Jeff started talking about _marrying_ 5 months after dumping Op, yet she's the one "moving on fast" because she (allegedly) started a new relationship???

[@rosered6143]

“Im about to raise a baby. I don’t need to be raising a man too.” This line is everything. Yay OP for standing her ground!

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

She is taking him back, I bet all my money.

[@noydb-1]

@@gostavoadolfos2023 You beat me to the punch, but I was going to say That line means nothing because she is going to be raising two little boys when she takes him back. First he'll move to town, then in a few months he'll say "since my lease is up, can I just stay with you and the baby". Then since they already live together, might as well get married so that all three of them (or maybe the 4 by then) will have the same last name. She's already shown she can't say no to him when they live in the same area, so how will she start now? Unless she runs away again.

[@LadyLeomon]

Honestly I spent the whole story wondering why she thought it was a good idea to have the child of such a fecking jellyfish 😒😒😒

[@jillimi]

@@noydb-1yeah, I almost don’t want to continue listening to the story 🫢. I’m half way on it and I’m already having the same feeling.

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

She is the fixer type girl, who is attracted to a broken man and try to fix him with affection and sex in order to be the savior in her man's life.@@noydb-1

[@rmhartman]

He didn't want a kid because he was afraid he would be a bad father. Once the kid is a reality, he is going do his best to not be a bad father. There is no contradiction here.

[@RaspberryHugs]

I would agree but it's proven that Jeff is a coward who runs when things get to real or tough. Being a coward has nothing to do with trauma it's a trait you have or don't. That guy will get cold feet before and after the child is here and will dip when parenthood gets hard. Cowards make bad or inconsistent parents.

[@mitchellscheer677]

That's not true at all. He broke up with the OP of this story because he knew she wanted kids in her life and he was certain he did not. He was aware she might think she can sacrifice that long term, but wouldn't be as happy in life as she could've been. He easily could've allowed her to do that, which would've been a more self-serving choice. Instead, he broke up with her knowing that, in the long run, she would be happier. Now that the child is a reality, that barrier to them being together no longer exists, so it makes sense he would want to be back together with her. The only thing Jeff really did wrong was sleeping with OP when he knew they didn't have a possibility to be together while also allowing her to be as happy as possible. I'm not sure how he is a "coward" when he, as soon as he found out he was having a child: broke up with his fiancé since she wouldn't support the child, contacted OP daily, and is now moving to a completely different state away from his entire family and support network to be a father, which he was SCARED to be. He is the exact opposite of a coward, and is making a lot of selfless decisions for a child he originally didn't even want.

[@MONKEYDZETS]

@@mitchellscheer677 exactly he knew I’m not mentally well enough to be with you. I’m pretty sure the other girl told him she can’t have kids so he wasn’t worried about fucking it up when he found out he had a kid Inman the hell up and wants to be there for that kid. She is downplaying this and you know he has abandonment issues of course a kid with abandonment issues because his father abandoned him he’s not going to want to abandon his kid.

[@soujemn5]

@@RaspberryHugs is that why he went to a family that hated him so he could attend his son's baby shower? That was him running away?

[@MONKEYDZETS]

@@RaspberryHugs a coward because of his daddy issues men can have them to

[@DragonbornMike-ym2er]

Jeff tried to monkey branch between two women, but got his arm tangled. I don't feel the slightest bit bad for him. And the "you know how I feel about this". Like, no she doesn't. You kept switching who you wanted to be with, then swapped your stance on marriage.

[@dream6562]

It's not really monkey branching though, the breaks ups have happened before he got with the other person, monkey branching would be him seeing another person while still dating someone, which I think didn't happen

[@darkmask5933]

It's not really monkey branching, Jeff had a boundary where he didn't want kids. He knew OP would agree to no kids but also knew she wanted a family, yeah it sucks he manipulated the situation by taking marriage off the table, but how often do we hear stories on/Relationships of people disagreeing about being child-free and being told 'the person who wants kids/doesn't want kids will likely accept it in the short term, but they will eventually resent you'. He broke up with OP to find someone who was child-free, but once the kid was already there, well that's different. Doesn't mean OP should just take him back though.

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

​@@darkmask5933that's not the truth, he said he wanted ni marriage and no family then in 1 year and half proposed to the other girl. He is trying to be with the kid out of his trauma and not genuine love for his kid once the kid is born he will get tired and leave if he consider to try to move to the other state.

[@SkyEcho751]

​@@gostavoadolfos2023 I would say he flip flopped, but he didn't. He decided to lie to OP, break her heart, then dated and married a girl all while still being in the honeymoon phase(roughly the first 18 months of a relationship)... He needs therapy, needs to not try and date OP at all for right now, and just work through his issues.

[@teacheschem]

@@gostavoadolfos2023- But he is child free due to trauma and fear, not because he doesn’t like them and was forced to have. He very well may be the dad he never had. But he needs some therapy!!

[@dscheaffer]

I feel bad for OP, as she’s in a no win situation. If she gets back together with Jeff, she will always know she wasn’t his first choice and that he’s only getting back together with her, because of his son, not because he couldn’t live without her. On the other side, she’s now stuck co-parenting with someone who she loves, but can’t be with, because of his bad and hurtful choices. Crappy situation all the way around. On a positive note, the families seem supportive, so that’s good.

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

They won't be together for the son, that's a lie, they would be together only because Grace refused to be a stepmother and resulted to physical violence against the ex. OP knows it now and regardless of her decision, her ressentiment against her baby daddy will eat her from the inside especially if she get back with him.

[@MONKEYDZETS]

She caused this situation. All you had to do was tell him he has a kid before you moved. I am tired of women keeping Main away from their kids and everybody goes. Oh I feel bad for the woman. What about the dude? Obviously this dude has issues he needed to work on and people make mistakes but she made the biggest mistake of not having told him he has a kid. What do you think that he’s gonna have when he finds out? Oh you’re dead in a banded you I just didn’t want to do anything to make sure you met him That child is going to grow up thinking with my dad really love me he be here my dad really wants to meet any of you who don’t know what it’s like growing up without a father you’re fools

[@dscheaffer]

@@MONKEYDZETS I agree with your thoughts on the matter, but her decision not to tell the father she was pregnant, wasn’t what I was addressing. I was only talking about her choice to reconcile or just co-parent. I agree, not tell him she was pregnant, was selfish and vile. No child should be kept from their father, unless abuse is involved.

[@mogulmade]

I'm so happy Grace got away from this bs situation. 😌 Op can deal with that trash family and their son for the next 18 years. Good riddance.

[@blacksunday4231]

​​@@mogulmadeHow is the family trash? Only Tonya was trash, the rest of the family was supportive of the OP, and were even against some of the stupid rash decisions that Jeff made. They were considerate and accommodating of the OP, and are ready to help Jeff raise his son. Don't see how that family can be considered "trash" when there are way too many abusive, uncaring and neglectful families out there. You know what's trash? Physically assaulting someone after giving them an ultimatum, aka Grace, the one you're praising.

[@BadGirlCheatingStories]

"I didn't want to lose another woman." I find that interesting. I appreciate it when people discuss how they "lost him/her/you." You didn't lose them; you made the choice to let them go.

[@anrexfk]

Actually the "do not contact me, unless you are dying" means that she does not need to contact him with the pregnancy ... since that was HIS wish.

[@jefflayton153]

I mean, does he have to draft a a contract for every scenario? Sometime you just need to evaluate based on the context

[@anrexfk]

@jefflayton153 well ... to answer this ... yes he should have and he did. He states it clearly ... the "unless you are dying" was a clear part of his statement and he should have thought of it that a pregnancy could be part of possible outcomes. He made the request clearly and she obliged his demand but since he wanted it to go this way ... then she should demand a full repayment on the owed child support for the entire duration from the moment the child was born.

[@olgar.6604]

Tbh I agree. Like "don't contact me unless you're dying" sounds unnecessarily cruel, and it really does mean "I don't want to hear from you ever again". I would be much less generous than OP and would never let that guy meet the child.

[@mikehilbert9349]

No, she is just using that to be selfish towards him and the kid.

[@michaelpowers6551]

@@olgar.6604it’s easy to be selfish like that cause, you know it’s easy to hate a man. But I promise you, you wouldn’t like it if someone did that to you…

[@champslim]

The cousin is messy as hell... God you break up with a guy because he doesn't want to get married and he proposes to the next girl. Ouch. OP should have told him tho. So he was juggling you guys at the sametime. He was working on getting back with Grace and still sleeping with OP. He stopped when it became official. I have to say I am happy Grace is not involved in this...situation. This is alot.

[@immapotato1]

OP didn't break up. Jeff did. also Jeff does not sound like the angel OP wants to say he is tbh.

[@champslim]

​@immapotato1 OP is trying really hard to paint him in a good light.

[@jake8748]

​@immapotato1 yes because OP wanted kids and a family and Jeff didn't. Grace broke up with Jeff and he thought they were fully done so he ended up having a FWB with OP. Grace and him reconnected and he broke it off with OP (admittedly too harshly). Really isn't anything scandalous or concerning unless you're that prudish that you are upset 2 consenting adults who weren't in relationships at the time had sex.

[@Rose-yt5hi]

@@jake8748Nah. If it were a purely FWB situation, that would be one thing. But he and OP had a past, he likely knew OP had feelings for him, and he admitted he had feelings for OP. So he was creating this situation by being wishy washy regarding his feelings toward both Grace and OP.

[@jake8748]

@Rose-yt5hi oh sure it wasn't ideal and both clearly didn't really know what it was but they were close, friends and decided to sleep together without actually being back in a relationship. Its FWB just there was more feelings involved than say a Tinder match up version.

[@ellieresh5482]

Lol why is she surprised they broke the engagement? Grace just found out that her partner went right back to his ex the second she dumped him and she's pregnant so now if grace stays she's stuck with a guy with emotional baggage and a child and responsibilities. OF COURSE she cut ties lol

[@ruthsaunders9507]

She''d have married if there wasn't a child but she knew that child would be around for the rest of her life.

[@ellieresh5482]

@@ruthsaunders9507 10000% that's a big ask for anyone even without all this messy drama

[@mogulmade]

Yup, smart girl. Now Op is stuck with the loser.

[@TheJadedJames]

The fact that Jeff is going to be consumed with co-parenting his ex’s kid through their engagement is a clear dealbreaker no matter what the relationship was like. OP basically broke them up the moment she decided she was having the kid

[@void9938]

Even if she knew about the sex, the kid is a total deal breaker. It would be for me too. She was childfree and that was why he wanted to marry her and not OP.

[@rmhartman]

"i never planned on hiding anything from my child" So... this fully informed kid shows up on his door twenty years from now, and he knows nothing about it?

[@DisneyChar]

That kid was never going to hear the truth, at best it would have been: after I got pregnant he told me to leave and never contact him again. Technically true but hugely misleading.

[@novatryxward9372]

Well in the story she did say she would tell the child that the dad lives thousands of miles away and didn't love her

[@taniatokustar7737]

​@@DisneyChar how is that misleading? The guy literaly said to not contact her unless she is dying

[@MrSqurk]

@@taniatokustar7737because he didn't know of the existence of the child. Why is this confusing so many people?

[@chickensandwich8808]

@@MrSqurk it's not confusing. It's just clear you have a bias. You want to put the brunt of the blame on her while not acknowledging the mistakes Jeff made or the work he has yet to do to be a good father. He's made a start and thats good, but he needs to keep working on himself. OP made a poor decision in not telling Jeff about it, but her intuition about being accused of "baby trapping" Jeff was also pretty spot on. People in these comments, yourself included, are ridiculously inconsistent when it comes to asigning accountability and the way in which you comment on it. Then when people call you out on it you act like your flawed logic is obvious, when the only thing that is obvious is your poor reasoning skills. it's pretty gross and pathetic.

[@lilfairykiki122]

Jeff is slimy af and what he told op about grace was bs, he tried sooo hard to make her the bad guy and him the hero when she was fully the victim. He didn’t want to marry op because he wasn’t in love, he’s full of it.

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

Him not being in love with OP is a none debatable fact and even OP knows that and she resents him for it. The thing is, when they get back together and even if they work things out, she gonna cheat on him after few years to hurt him because ressentiment always wins against one sided love.

[@hectormarquez2402]

I mean you can think that but remember with these story's it's told from one person's perspective and they are always going to make themselves like better than the other person

[@lilfairykiki122]

@@hectormarquez2402 yea exactly, if this came from graves perspective I’m sure it would be a very different story. My point is it doesn’t sounds good even from the story we’ve been given so I’m sure the truth is way worse.

[@mogulmade]

Op gave Jeff 4 years, and he still gave Grace the best of him... Grace dodged a bullet, but Op...Op is going to pay for letting this dude back into her life. There's nothing that can convince me that Jeff left Grace and not the other way around. That woman realized this was a mess and ditched the loser. Meanwhile, Op is in bed, laid up, and he is talking to him, looooool. Run Grace run!

[@sidhu139]

@lilfairykiki122 What you say about Jeff may be true but OP isn't as blameless as you might think. She was going to conceal from the guy that he is going to be a father, and deny the child and the dad the chance to have any relationship whatsoever. Isn't that shady af? That's pure evil. That's the most vile thing that anyone did in this story. Also, most of this post talks about the ups and downs of OP's relationship with Jeff, and how she feels about him. She's not thinking about what's best for the child. Op is incredibly self-centred. She can't put aside her feelings about Jeff for a second and think about what's best for the child.

[@joshguerrero8760]

Tanya is the real MVP!!! She stopped a wedding that shouldn't have happened not sure why everyone is mad at her. She just saved Jeff a ton of money on a divorce lawyer. I knew the second Grace could only focus on ruining the proposal that her and Jeff were done. I hope finds another guy because Jeff will keep going between women.

[@geekfreak315]

I feel ppl blame her because they think she sees OP as the bad guy when in reality no one is necessarily bad. Everyone is just stuck in a sticky situation and making mistakes.

[@uwuangel1998]

​@@geekfreak315 There are so many better ways to reveal about OP's pregnancy and she chose it after Jeff proposed to Grace at the party in a gossipy whisper that "I'm glad you didn't marry your ex (op) because she would have baby trapped you". Not only that, the disrespect when she's announcing about OP's business in the middle of a mall while confronting OP is kind of slimey

[@tallyp.7643]

Tanya's a shit-stirrer--light the fuse on an emotional bomb, sit back with the popcorn, and watch hell break loose. She didn't do it out of the goodness of her heart, especially since OP said Tanya didn't like her (if that's accurate b/c shit-stirrers generally don't care what anyone thinks about them, they just wanna cause issues for others to make themselves feel better). She did it to mess with a happy situation. If it was about getting Jeff to reconsider, she could've taken him aside before and told him what was going on with OP. Nope, she WANTED the explosion. Maybe she hated Grace more, but she loves the drama over everything else.

[@LittleImpaler]

Tanya wants the drama, people like that have issues.

[@joshguerrero8760]

@@LittleImpaler she probably does have issues but Jeff now knows he is going to have a son.

[@errantwinds-up8uu]

Okay so... the best part of this story is in the final update with "Luckily Tanya was over 2K miles away so she couldn't ruin the event." 🤣 On a more serious note, the situation is certainly messy, but it seems like everyone is currently doing the best they can. As long as they think of the child first, I think it'll be okay.

[@tallyp.7643]

The sucky part is going to be that every little thing is gonna come with the "think of the child" tacked onto the end of it: every disagreement, every question, every interaction... Jeff's gonna use the kid to stay in OP's life on a more permanent basis. If he was less of a fearful idiot and more of a conniving jerk, he'd be manipulating her into doing things he wants for the child's best interests (no matter that they're really his best interests, he just will keep that part quiet). With this situation, OP had better keep her immediate family close and take their counsel to heart. They are willing to make her own choices and can help her see all the options and keep strong before she makes a bad choice out of exhaustion or emotional manipulation.

[@mogulmade]

@tallyp.7643 And this is why I'm so thankful that Grace escaped. Op only has Jeff's word about Grace's reaction. I think she dumped the loser and he flew over to Op. Good luck to her

[@lindsay1989]

She’s going to take Jeff back for sure

[@maryjanedodo]

She probably wants Jeff's family more than him

[@MaryTheresa1986]

Yup. They'll be married/engaged/expecting baby #2 within 2 years.

[@darkmask5933]

@@maryjanedodo Jeff doesn't come off as a bad guy, OP clearly has love for him which comes through in this post, but she's forcing herself to take things slow especially since Jeff has parenting issues.

[@johnbradbury8610]

Its only a matter of when.

[@AutumnForest862]

​@@darkmask5933I don't think he's a bad guy at all. A lot of us are ruled by our fears, we just don't see it so clearly in ourselves. I just hope if she does get back together with him it's for her sake, not the baby's. She's smart to take her time.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

I'm calling it now: OP and Jeff will reconcile within 2 years. I wouldn't be surprised if she's pregnant again by her son's second birthday and she and Jeff are married, or at least engaged.

[@maryjanedodo]

Or she starts dating again & Jeff loses it

[@dream6562]

​@maryjanedodo or he takes op to court and wins forcing op to co parent

[@Jesusblowsme666]

Jesus Christ, I hope not. Jeff is a douchecanoe and OP needs to grow a stronger spine.

[@Jogeta5]

@@dream6562 They are already planning to co-parent.

[@shanerasmussen5225]

​@@dream6562TBH Jeff doesn't have much of any legal ground to stand on. There is no law that says a woman even has to tell a man she is pregnant.

[@ivorydragon]

man normal people doing their best to handle an incredibly painful and difficult situation

[@jimmyjohnjuan]

People need to realize is someone is asking for a break or downgrade you to a hook up, maybe you should leave them alone.

[@untiedshoelaces2588]

And another child is brought into the world because of two fools.

[@strandedinseattle9931]

Story 1 + updates: OP is so naive. She keeps trying to explain Jeff's words and actions away and defending this person who broke her heart TWICE (not "once" as she claimed in her second update). Of course Jeff is mesmerized by the baby and they will both use it as a bridge to get back together and be an unstable couple whose poor choices will continue to affect the child throughout its life. OP needs a reality check and should get a lawyer and iron out the legalities surrounding custody of the child. I bet at some point she is going to be hit with a lawsuit regarding this, and she isn't going to be ready. She could realistically lose custody.

[@bhutehole]

Well she did try to keep the child from ever knowing the father. We have a word for that. Evil

[@abbyarnold9357]

​@bhutehole I would call that more misguided and selfish than evil. She took the words don't call me unless you're dying and foolishly assumed he meant it wholeheartedly with no exceptions. That isn't what I would call evil. There is a whole lot of gray here. Good or evil doesn't fit in this story whatsoever in my opinion.

[@sidhedanu]

OP is autistic. Takes one to know one, and we are VERY literal and VERY pragmatic.

[@bhutehole]

@@abbyarnold9357 you don't think keeping a child from knowing their father isn't evil? It's breaking the law quite literally. It's considered so bad that if you get caught doing it knowingly you automatically loose custody. But please do tell how she is just misguided... and don't even try this "well he said don't ever call me unless you are dying!" Are you new to English or something? I'm on the spectrum myself and know we aren't THAT literal, or communication with normies would be impossible. She knew what he really meant and she successfully gaslit the lot of you.

[@Jrskeetpro]

@@abbyarnold9357no one thinks that means what you think it means. The saying is literally used as a reference for major life events. Ei having a child!

[@terryjackson-chubick2506]

Is nobody going to talk about the fact that she was going to actively hide the fact that he had a son? That could have been a whole lifetime without ever even having the choice of whether he was in the kid's life or not.

[@calamity4968]

Thats what im saying

[@theforgottenbard8978]

yeah it's messed up.

[@amayaharmon7345]

He wanted nothing to do with her. He said do not contact me unless you are dying. Well she wasn't dying, just pregnant. She has every right not to tell him, just like he has every right to never want to see her again. He specifically broke up with her because he didn't want children or a commitment with her, and she abided by his wishes and moved on with her life.

[@tartlynerdy]

"congrats on following in your dad's footsteps. At least you had the brain to walk out before our kid even knew you" I would absolutely be that cruel and go for the throat. Op was being saintly compared to how I would have handled this. Jeff reeeeeeeally sucks. He used "abandonment issues" to ditch op for another woman and by extension he also ditched op's child. What did he think was going to happen having casual hook up s*x with his ex. He did abandon his child. But he doubled that suckiness when he had the nerve to act all victim for op not contacting him and refusing to live near him so he could still play dad and keep his new woman. Also. How did op ruin Grace's stupid proposal. I'm happy grace got called out for that. Nawh. Grace is going to turn evil stepmom and evil wife if op's kid ever comes back into hers and Jeff's life. She burst out crying because she knew she'd never be able to give jeff his first son. It'll be her first kid but Jeff's second and that'll burn her up at night. None of that drama is op's problem. Op respected his cruel request after he used her and left her. I hope he's prepared for op to tell that narrative to their kid when he's old enough to understand why dad wasn't there during his childhood. Update 2 & 3 - Honestly. I should have seen that coming. Jeff is really wishy washy when it comes to his relationships. It feels like Jeff is overcompensating now and this has nothing to do with the baby and op and everything to do with not being like the father that abandoned him. It's just. Ew. Jeff definitely has pretty privilege on his side.

[@Rose-yt5hi]

OP’s going to inadvertently do exactly what she claimed she wanted to avoid: use the pregnancy to get back with the guy. Lmao. They both keep blurring the lines and their boundaries. What a messy story. What a messy story.

[@bhutehole]

I love how you completely ignored that op was willing to keep her child from ever knowing his father, and moving away so he wouldnt have access either. thus forcing Jeff to become like his dad unwillingly. You are as much a price of work as op for simping for her. What about the child? You only care about op. The child's extended family be damned for all you care

[@LadyJoolree]

Looks like the manosphere has been triggered, yeesh! 🙄 Let's forget OP had already moved away and set up her new life BEFORE she found out she was pregnant. Why move back for the convenience of a man who said not to contact him unless you were on your deathbed? For a family who had consigned you to the ex bin yonks ago? She can do what she likes, and negotiate if she chooses. What's best for the child? He would also have extended family where he is with his mum and HER extended family. Plenty of people make long distance families work. She doesn't have to give up her whole self to subsume herself into a man and his convenience, no matter who he is. There are many so options ffs!

[@GiordanDiodato]

@@bhutehole because he's a terrible human

[@bhutehole]

@@LadyJoolree please explain what the manosphere has to do with this conversation? Or are you just making a assumptions?

[@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse]

If you don’t want someone in your life, DON’T HAVE A KID WITH THEM

[@TheHouseoftheShadow]

I wish OP hadn't baby trapped the guy then this wouldn't have been an issue.

[@void9938]

Yes!! Get a damn abortion.

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

@@TheHouseoftheShadow It's not baby-trapping when she went out of her way to keep him from even finding out about the pregnancy.

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

Unfortunately, a lot of people don't realize they don't want someone in their life until _after_ they have a kid with them. That's not the case here, but your reasoning is grossly oversimplified and ignores a lot of variables.

[@alexshaw8167]

@@TheHouseoftheShadowit’s not baby trapping if it’s an accident Lmao

[@Letha-AnnCooper]

Oops!! He has abandon-ship issues So he gets back with OP then dumped her to get back with his ex girlfriend. ( abandon ship issues) Op does not have to tell him anything if she doesn’t want to. OP needs to go back to her home. He now wants to be involved with the baby for his family. Why would he bring Grace to the meeting with OP. Grace should not have been at the meeting with OP. So sad

[@LittleImpaler]

I could see why she didn't want to tell Jeff. I think he just didn't want to marry her. He found a girlfriend and is marrying her. I think she shouldn't have met with him.

[@angeleyesgreen1586]

Idk, I'd be like, "why is he trying so hard to talk to me? I'm not dying"

[@alana.dyer.author]

"I'm about to raise a baby, i don't need to be raising a man, too!!!" This!!! OP IS SAVAGE!

[@rebeccaperkins2605]

Jeff really sucks. OP will never see these comments but... keep him in the trash.

[@Hoosierdilf]

They’re both trash. OP isn’t any better.

[@ninjastorm540]

This may be an unpopular opinion but everything OP is doing is coming from a place of hurt and not what's best for her kid. From trying to deny her kid and the dad to even know each other exists, to her refusing to give Jeff any chance of trying to be in the kids life during their meeting; to the change of mind about Jeff being there after his break up (seems like that helped sway her); to her not trusting Jeff and her mom to know her address for no reason other then "it feels like playing house". She literally says many times he and his mom has no malicious intent and genuinely wants to help but still doesn't trust them cause it feels weird. Not saying Jeff is great in this at all but OPs decisions definitely felt like it was focusing on her hurt versus what's best for the kid. Her even updating about still wanting answers about the break up says that too.

[@sidhu139]

You took the words right out of my mouth. Most of this post talks about the ups and downs of OP's relationship with Jeff, and how she feels about him. She's not thinking about what's best for the child.

[@vegaskullkid4503]

I feel the same. Especially with how she kept going up and down on how she felt about Jeff along with how she continuously tried to make it seem like he and his mom was being pushy even though, from her own description of events, they respected her and her wishes throughout all of this.

[@runaruinous]

Story 1: Dude literally said not to contact him unless she was dying and to say goodbye. Pardon my pettiness but he set the line and doesn't need to know shit about her or the baby. The comment about "what if the ex's partner is infertile." So what, Op's baby wouldn't be her replacement baby regardless.

[@JeanyyBee]

I know that was such a wild comment lol

[@Chickenfriedpenguin]

Yes, that really is petty. And sad that you would use your child like that. There is nothing wrong with ending a relationship and stepping away to avoid an on/off relationship. Are you not mature enough to see an unplanned pregnancy as something you should mention to the other parent either way?

[@Hoosierdilf]

It isn’t just OP’s baby, it’s his kid too. Anyone that would hide a child from the other parent is a POS. The only reason to do that would be if the other parent is abusive. He had every right to say he didn’t want more contact w her but the moment she discovered she was pregnant the situation changed.

[@Poopiepies]

Yeah, i couldn’t live with myself as a mother, knowingly depriving my child of a father for no reason. It doesnt matter how I felt, i couldnt look at my child and tell them “I never told your father about you”

[@BW022]

It doesn't matter what the dude said or OP wants... how about we put the needs to the child before two idiots who shouldn't be parents? Is the child better off having child support, a father (even if no living with him), in-laws who can be there for them, etc.? Answer: Yes. So, it doesn't matter what OP and the guy want, they can suck up their personal issues, deal with it, and put the needs of the kid first. This idea what you just walk away and deny a child of support, card, a chance to know their father and that half of the family, the security, etc. because she doesn't want to deal with her ex. Too bad. These are the same people who would be screaming to a court for child support if the father just walked away.

[@mustbetheSUN]

Even if they co-parent, I hope OP never gets back with Jeff. She's not even a second choice, she came in third place right behind Grace and Jeff's fear. Sure he might turn into a good dad, but he would clearly be a bad choice for a husband. He's more worm than man. Edit: to the fathers of the year in the comments saying that OP should have told him about the pregnancy because she couldn't have known if he would change his mind, I ask you, do you think men are confused, useless little wimps that depend on women to handle their choices? Nope. Men are smart and perftectly able to make choices and changes. It shouldn't be a woman's job to accomodate her entire life just in case a man changes his fragile mind. If Jeff actually wanted to be a father after basically saying "I don't want children and you are dead to me", then HE is the one who has to put in the work later. Which he did, and got back contact with his child - we'll have to see if that lasts. But to bash the OP for doing exactly what she was asked to do and respecting his autonomy makes me think you were all poorly raised.

[@bhutehole]

You seem to forget she wanted to keep her child from ever knowing him. This objectively makes her worst. His fickleness in sexual partners does not automatically make him a bad father

[@mustbetheSUN]

@@bhutehole dude, he literally said "I don't want children" and "don't call me unless you are dying". She did exactly what he told her.

[@bhutehole]

@@mustbetheSUN lol you must be very very young. If I had a dollar everytime someone your age told me that, then had kids years later, I'd be rich. I almost miss being as naive as you.

[@mustbetheSUN]

@@bhutehole ah yes, the "he's so young, he didn't know better" defense... Tell me, wise old mountain man, how is it OP's task to know what he'll think later in life, given that she is as young as him?

[@Jesusblowsme666]

​@@bhuteholeI wondnt be surprised if you're younger than the other person, your comment is pretentious asf

[@janedoe885]

This situation definitely sounds messy, but to be honest I don't think horribly of the people involved in-general. Really sounds like they all have their own shit they're struggling with and sometimes make poor decisions, but are trying to find ways forward. I guess general thoughts? - Jeff 50000% needs to get therapy, glad he agreed to it. For all the abandonment issues he has he's inflicting them on other people and really needs to get that under control/learn to build healthy relationships. He's been unfair to both OP and Grace through this. I'm glad he's being respectful of OP now. - I understand why OP didn't contact Jeff, but she had to know deep down that it wasn't right to keep the baby secret. At least telling someone trustworthy who knows him to pass word along would be a better route I think but hindsight 20/20 and all that. I do think OP needs to be better about communication generally though. Needing time and space is fine but it seems like something where saying 'I need a few weeks but will reach back out' or something in advance matters. Silence and suspense can be psychological torture if you don't know whether they'll ever end or not. - Grace was within her right to be extremely upset and to nope out. She should not have been throwing things. It also really wasn't OP's fault and while neither OP nor I as a reader know her well, I have a hunch she knows that deep down too. OP made very clear she didn't have hard feelings toward Grace or want to disrupt her life. Rushing into marriage seems like not the right move in the first place, especially since Jeff still had feelings for OP. She shouldn't be treated like a replacement goldfish. - The grandparents and siblings sound awesome on both sides. It sounds to me like Jeff and OP have a kind of familiarity that makes love in some form inevitable, whether it's romantic or not. That's a good thing for the baby and tbh she and Jeff have already taken steps to make sure the baby knows he isn't coming into the world with lack of care or animosity. Opinions from someone in the peanut gallery ofc but I agree there isn't room for OP and Jeff to even consider romance until Jeff has been single for a while and sorted his shit out with a therapist. The person he is right now isn't capable of being a reliable partner under stress. He might be able to be a reliable father to his kid and co-parent to OP though, which is def important. I hope all of these people can grow into better versions of themselves and learn from this basically.

[@chrystiafreelandscankles548]

Agree with this. I was a ‘Grace’ years ago and I noped out. The ‘Jeff’ & ‘OP’ did end up marrying and having a beautiful, lovely family. I think with therapy Jeff will be a great father and I hope they do well for the li’l one.

[@geekfreak315]

You have no clue how much I appreciate this comment. It's so hard to find a person who doesn't see these situations in strict black & white. No one is the big bad wolf here it's just a bunch of adults in a difficult situation trying to work it out. This isn't some fictional drama, it's real life.

[@mogulmade]

@@chrystiafreelandscankles548 it looks great to you on the outside, I bet if you saw behind the scenes, you'd be happy it was not you.

[@macylouwho1187]

Poor OP, I could feel her pain. It made me cry for her. That guy clearly never knew what the hell he even wanted. Childish decisions. He hurt that poor woman so bad, I don’t know how she’ll ever be able to trust him again when he’s clearly so untrustworthy. She’s rather weak towards him so she probably will eventually. I don’t believe for a minute that he truly loved her or he wouldn’t have lost her for anything, and certainly wouldn’t have been jumping right into another chick and proposing like she was nothing to him. OP is giving him more credit than he is due because she loved him too much to admit that to herself. I’ll just again thank my lucky stars that I chose “very” carefully when I married my husband. Being a more or less abandoned child myself, I full well knew the risks of having terrible parents. I chose the most daddy-ish loving man that I could find who wouldn’t DREAM of leaving me, let alone our kids. Hell the man even helped me raise two other kids, too, who weren’t ours! And we fostered kids for awhile in our home which was something that I wanted. He was so good about all of it. And kids just climb all over him like he’s a daddy mountain or something, it’s like they immediately know that he’s kind and gravitate towards that. If there’s a little kid around they end up sliding up next to him and smiling up at him. In no time, he’s usually packing them around on his shoulders if the parents are cool with it 😂.

[@marleyfrost215]

I feel bad that she has to coparent with him but thats it. I just have no pity for people willingly laying on the ground and begging people to step on them.

[@macylouwho1187]

@@marleyfrost215 I know it’s a bad decision on her part but I can’t help pitying her anyway.

[@cottoncandiez8872]

Your husband sounds like an amazing man, wish there were more like him out here

[@taylorslade961]

It's gross as hell that Jeff was sleeping with OP while trying to get back with Grace. OP should get Jeff for child support and make sure Grace knows what a 2 faced piece of crap Jeff is. Personally, I think OP made the wrong choice when she decided to keep the baby. It's insane for someone to intentionally become a single parent. Edit: Oh, and Jeff insisted on no contact because he STILL HAD FEELINGS FOR OP. Jeff is scum and doesn't deserve either of these women. Edit 2: Per the second update: Jeff and Grace were broken up for like 3 seconds before he went back to OP to get laid. He is a piece of crap.

[@Abuakasilkyjohnson]

What’s the wait time to get laid after a break up. Does this lady not play apart in this whole hiding of babies. Op seems to be the person here clinging to be a side piece then lying about a child, and keeping the father out the child’s life not fair to the kid and pretty selfish on her

[@untitled-gv3qp]

Everyone is ganging up on the OP for not telling and I would be too in a normal case where the guy isn't abusive, but the guy dropped the OP as soon as the other woman wanted him back. And then he said some foul sh*t about not calling him unless she's dying. The guy couldn't even take responsibility for what happened with the other woman. He said he dumped the OP because she wanted kids but that wouldn't explain why he came back and would've stayed if the other girl hadn't come back into the picture. And of course nothing about his engagement was his idea, "it was all her and she was mean to me when I chose you over her". I have trouble believing everything went down the way he's saying it did. Especially since the first thing he decided to do after a nasty breakup with a woman that he acted was the love of his life was to try and get back with the OP.

[@briannawilliams2867]

​@@AbuakasilkyjohnsonHe told her not to contact her unless she was dying. Remember he broke up with her bc he didn't want a family bc of his abandonment issues. And I think if she told him about the pregnancy right away it would have looked like she was trying to baby trap him.

[@peeonthe3rdrail414]

Oh look another vindictive woman in comments.

[@Abuakasilkyjohnson]

@@briannawilliams2867 if I told u to jump off a bridge it’s that literal? If I tell u go f urself do u go and stick things in u ??yeah because rational logic says that was a literal statement and not a metaphor for severing ties . Obviously a kid come before her and the dad rule for peace of mind. The kid happiness comes first. She almost stole that child ability to have a father because she got rejected. Selfish on her part.

[@sophdog2564]

Ooh a 40 minute one, this is gonna be good

[@ashleyevans2425]

It's not about carrying on a name OP is going to be the primary parent it will he easier for her son to have her last name for school doctor appointments ect

[@jartistsimpression2291]

I am just glad that I am gay

[@champslim]

Lolol

[@maxinemyers9215]

Glad that I’m really old!!

[@blueblurr4526]

I'm glad that I'm Aromantic, don't have to deal with this kind of drama irl

[@olgar.6604]

I could never deal with this mess 😅 being ace is a blessing

[@flamelily2086]

OP should tell Jeff that the baby is his. Sooner or later the child will want to know who his father is. Jeff has a nerve demanding that OP moves back so that he can see his child!

[@TheJadedJames]

The OP was 100% trying to have this baby in secret, leading to Jeff finding out at an extremely volatile way. Letting OP do whatever was essentially giving up all parental rights which we know would be psychologically damaging for him. We know OP was resistant to any kind of shared custody & was attempting to raise their son as if his father did not exist.

[@juanhaines7295]

After hearing the whole story the fact he said not to contact him unless op was dying is still what gets me. He wanted nothing more to do with her until he found out he would be a dad.

[@jasminerobertson4913]

Obviously

[@matheusrodrigues7921]

Yeah? I don't see what your point is

[@theseeker9442]

Yeah it's almost as if a baby coming into the picture is such a massive huge change of things that it changed his mind about contact because he wants to be a father! Anyone with any scrap of good morality knows that if the other parent isn't abusive (which op repeatedly said he wasn't abusive, manipulative or controlling) deserves to know about the fact that they are gonna be a parent

[@sloh888]

If only jeff had not used op as a back up cumdump , this mess wouldn't have happened . Going back and forth between the two girls is what put ihm in this mess , not OP . She may have tought they would be back together before he drop her like dead weight .

[@Nevertoleave]

@@theseeker9442 from her point of view, he broke up with her because he didn’t want to be a dad. Why bother telling him if he wouldn’t want to be in the kid’s life? Soon as his girlfriend broke up with him he was sniffing around OP only to drop her again when he thought he could get back with Grace. Why invite a guy who keeps proving he’s only around when it suits his needs to do that with the kid?

[@JanieBgrand]

It amazes me how op just assumes the father of the child has no say in anything. She actually believes she can stay 1000 miles away, and leave her ex not knowing he’s got a son?! That’s messed up. No consideration by EITHER of them that a child needs both parents’ love and wisdom. She’s the gatekeeper of a child that is HIS TOO!

[@rubymeaddle]

He doesn't. He made his choices

[@user-kl8lo6rj5i]

He did throw her away and tell her not to contact him again unless she was dying. Some women also don't want to be accused of trying to get a man back with baby trapping him. She can't be blamed at all for the way she moved on without Jeff.

[@venvengeance549]

Its refreshing to listen to a story where its adults talking things out likw they should and neither party explodes or goes off the deep end. I wish the best for everyone in this story.

[@sherryFluff]

For heveans sake please please please give the baby your last name, take it from me it's a massive pain in the ass when trying to get passports done and going overseas. Unless your married or at least have a ring on your finger don't give the baby the father's last name. And don't let the father in the room when giving birth, just because it's his baby doesn't give him the right to be present, only allow fathers IN relationships be present for birth

[@suitov]

OP did everything right here. Jeff is _definitely_ angling to get back with OP. At least he listened to the ground rules, but he's not ready to be let back in. Hope OP sticks to her guns on this.

[@757Bricksquad]

Uh, no she fucking did not. Robbing her child of the opportunity of having a father and robbing a parent from knowing about the child is fucking not okay.

[@mustbetheSUN]

@@757Bricksquad it is if the sperm donor is unable to be a proper father. This is a man who very openly said "I don't want children" and "Don't contact me unless you are dying". Why would OP assume that he wants anything to do with her or her baby?

[@suitov]

@@757Bricksquad You can def argue that. Maybe I should've said everything after the snitch girl told the father. He set the conditions for her contacting him, the worst you can call it is respecting his stated boundaries TOO much. I personally would have... well, got rid of the flaky waste of space's baby, but if I kept it, I'd have informed him. That way he at least gets the opportunity to step up.

[@bhutehole]

@@mustbetheSUN what are you 12? If I had a dollar everytime some young adult told me they didn't want kids I'd be jeff bozos rich. You are either young and naive yourself or you have room temp iq

[@757Bricksquad]

@@mustbetheSUN how the fuck would she know if he would be a good father if he doesn’t even know about it? He deserves THE CHANCE. Also, “why would op assume that he wants anything to do with her baby” that’s not the FUCKING POINT. He deserves to know about his child and the child deserves a chance to have a relationship with their father. ITS HIS CHOICE!

[@chantalalexander]

My opinion won't be popular, but anywho... everyone is mad at OP for not wanting to tell Jeff about a the baby, but there are some things I gathered from the situation. At the time of discovering her pregnancy, this is what OP had on her mind: While dating Jeff told OP he didn't want children. He also broke up with OP twice. He broke up with OP because he didn't want marriage or kids. (Later in an update, we find out that despite his changed mind, not wanting children were the specific reason he broke up with OP). When they ended Jeff said don't contact him unless OP was dying, which is an extreme way of saying never contact that person again. Everybody calling OP immature and TA for how she handled the situation because it wasn't "in the best interest of the child," especially coming from the same Reddit that says "don't force children on people who have made it clear they do not want them," or "when people show you who they are believe them, are extremely critical and shortsighted. If a guy told me during a relationship that he doesn't want kids, and at the end of our relationship he tells me don't contact him until I'm dying, am I truly the idiot for not immediately wanting to deliver that "happy news" that I'm pregnant with exactly what he broke up with me for? Especially when I already moved thousands of miles away. Am I supposed to take his word in the vacant hope of baby trapping him into changing his mind? (Don't people also frown upon doing that on Reddit?) I like how everyone one is saying he wasn't abusive, and he has a right to know, and the child will hate her for keeping the father away from him, as if there aren't thousands of news reports about pregnant women who find their demise or get attacked or by the father of their children, who normally isn't abusive, just because he didn't want the baby. Y'all really told OP she is TA for taking a man at his actual words because "people change their minds after finding out they are having a baby," and everyone seems to think that's okay. We even found out later he chose to propose to the other woman because she shared his "no children" mindset, and even wanted to get a vasectomy. I'm glad it worked out for OP, and I'm glad Jeff actually wanted to step up as a father. And I'm glad the baby will have a great extended, familial support system, but when it comes to children, people truly need to be way more care than just throwing out blanket statements ala "do this is the best interest of the child" without considering everything. Keep in mind these are actual people where dealing with not ideal scenarios.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

Redditors seem to only want people to stand up for themselves when it's Reddit's idea.

[@mrFiiSKiiS]

There's multiple problems that you (and OP) don't get. Breaking up because you have to vastly different ideas on what you want your future to look like is fine. Jeff breaking things off because OP wants kids and he doesn't is not a bad thing to do. Him getting into another relationship later is what people do when they're single. They find new partners. It's not Jeff's fault OP was hung up on him. The second "break up" (which even OP admits wasn't a relationship, just a mutual fling) was cold on his part, and about the only assholish thing the guy does. He has a right to know he's going to be a father. Full stop. She was acting immature and selfish. There is absolutely a huge difference in "doesn't want kids" and "is going to have a kid and must decide how to move forward". OP tried to steal his decision away from him. Even his reaction when she showed up after the party is reasonable. She'd had months to come to terms with and deal with things and she still decided to lie, hide, and cheat him out of a decision he should have been allowed to make. He had a few hours. He reacted badly, sure, but finding out your going to be a father and your ex is six months pregnant and lied about it, hid it, did everything she could to cut you out from knowing is beyond fucked up. To answer your question: Yes, you would be the idiot. It's not that complicated. He's the child's father. He has a right to know that. No, it's probably not going to be "happy news". But not everything in the world is "happy". Some things suck, but you still have to do them.

[@chantalalexander]

@@mrFiiSKiiS "some things suck. You still have to deal with them..." That's exactly what OP was doing. And I fully do get it. For starters it's not stealing a decision when the decision was literally already made and constantly reinforced throughout all interactions OP and Jeff had. "I never want to have children" and "I don't want children" are preemptive statements declaring you don't want children. It doesn't mean "accidentally get pregnant and change my mind." It doesn't mean "trick me into pregnancy and change my mind." Jeff already stated through his entire relationship and interaction with OP, he made it abundantly clear he wanted no children. That doesn't mean he has a right to know he's having one, it only means he has the right to not be forced into the responsibility of dealing with one. It also means that any woman that finds herself unfortunately having a child for him, should expect him to either want to terminate, or sign away parental rights. By the way, thank you for reiterating that Jeff's last interaction with OP was more casual than serious, because that reinforces even more the lack of need to contact him about a pregnancy he definitely didn't want. And even though OP still admittedly had feelings, she wasn't as hung up on him as you try to make it seem. The woman accepted the end of the relationship, and had already physically moved herself thousands of miles away from the situation, a whole five weeks, before she even knew of her pregnancy. So trying to imply her actions were spiteful because she was stuck on stupid in love with him, or selfish because she did what she thought would cause the least amount of hassle for the duration of pregnancy and the life of her child, is silly. Again, pointing out Jeff stated he didn't want kids because of childhood trauma/abandonment issues. OP had a serious relationship with Jeff for years, and was told every single one of those years, by Jeff (not a second or third hand source) that he didn't want children. So that means after years of telling her he doesn't want children, breaking up with her because she wanted children, and specifically choosing a fiance that didn't want children, plus his admitted doubts of his ability to properly father a child, the right thing for OP to do, was give him the opportunity to try on fatherhood for size, test it out, just hoping he might like it, because "he has a right" because otherwise, she's a selfish idiot? That logic seems real sound to you? By the way, are we forgetting this is all in the same 6 month span? In the same year Jeff, broke up with OP due to her stance on wanting children, 3 weeks later he's back to dating Grace, specifically because, she doesn't want children, and when OP shows up 6 months pregnant in town, Jeff was still actively in a relationship with and had already made preparations to propose to Grace, who he knew still didn't want children, which indicates he still wanted to live a child free life. He gave zero indication otherwise. During those 6 months there was no seeking counseling to reconsider getting over his childhood trauma so he could entertain the possibility of being a father. He wasn't telling people, he desires kids, he's just worried he'd be a bad parent, but now he wants to consider it. Instead, he was considering a vasectomy. The only time that stance changed is when he found out OP was pregnant. That's quite the miraculous change of heart on Jeff's part. And a very, very lucky one for OP. "Breaking up because you have vastly different ideas on what you want your future to look like is fine." I wholeheartedly agree with you. I think the part you keep conveniently ignoring is that the "vastly different ideas" that separated Jeff and OP is years of "I wanted children" vs. years of "I do NOT want Children." This difference is the main reason OP didn't want to contact this guy. I don't understand how you keep minimizing and excusing that, why saying OP is completely in the wrong.

[@bedazzlingkitten123]

I'm 11 months late, but you hit every point that I've been screaming at my screen 😂 these comments are really strange to me bc there's so much contradiction all in the name of "but he's the fAtHeR" over and over again. I'm starting to suspect that ppl just get really contradictory about things regarding nuclear family dynamics (and most likely religious views in the subconscious too).

[@kimberlyparker9977]

He said to never contact him again unless she was dying and wanted to say goodbye. She's respecting his wishes. No need to let him be involved.

[@Hoosierdilf]

She doesn’t have to LET him. That’s his kid, he has as much of a right as she does. You ppl are disgusting and should not have kids if y’all gonna be acting like kids because your ex doesn’t wanna talk to u. Before he didn’t have a reason to have OP contact him, w the kid she did.

[@kimberlyparker9977]

Yes it is his kid and hers too, which means they have to coparent. Hard to do that if he wants absolutely no communication from at all ever unless she's dying. Those were his words, not hers. She would just be respecting HIS choice!

[@showcase0525]

@@kimberlyparker9977 Hard to co parent when the person who got pregnant doesn't let them know that they are with your kid. That was her decision, not his. He's just rectifying the result of HER choice.

[@lisakaz35]

The OP in that pregnancy story sounds level headed and strong. She'll set a fine example for her kid. I hope Jeff does move and can become the man OP and her kid wants/needs/deserves.

[@MONKEYDZETS]

Yep, so levelheaded and strong that she never told Amanda hey I’m hoping your kid again I’m going to show up and then randomly just like every other man you’re gonna find out you have a kid and how you’re going to panic and you have abandonment issues of your dad abandoned you as a kid and so now I’m basically about the force you to do the same thing. Otherwise you gotta figure something out yet all this if she actually just said something to him in the first place.

[@daedubois9428]

"Don't contact me, unless you're dying" Nuff said. This woman.... will be taking back this frog any day.

[@Nevertoleave]

Grace is finding out her fiancé will pull a Ross and find someone new whenever things get hard. Like, damn. He didn’t even wait before running back to someone he knew was still in love with him. What’s going to happen if Grace gets sick? Or they have a trail separation? Will he move into the guest room and into some other woman’s pu$$y before grace can close the door?

[@mogulmade]

Grace won here. It may not feel like it but she did. Now Op will have to deal with all the things you just mentioned. She still thinks this idiot is a prize. "His family loved me..." They never looked for you after he left you. Girl please

[@mustachedpotatoes7217]

@@mogulmade exactly. But I think he and OP deserve eachother. They're both severely lacking moral compasses. I only feel bad for the future kid, and guys family.

[@kuma.369]

Jeff is a complete jerk from head to toe, but it seems OP is not over him yet. I hope the best for her baby and her, I know a lot of Jeffs in real life and they shouldn't be around their children. They only end up messing their children up and being the burden to the mother/father who's actually taking care of the kids. I hope this dude get therapy and fixes his abandonment issues.

[@geekfreak315]

Or maybe just maybe OP knows Jeff better than a bunch of random strangers on the internet. I know it's hard but not everything is as black & white as y'all believe it to be. We are only getting a fraction of these people's lives and although we can give advice, we can't sit and act like we know exactly what's going to happen, how these people act, or what they're feeling.

[@susankaempfer8427]

Seriously. “You need to move back to California for my convenience!” What a dick.

[@pikachu7572]

After everything he did and how cowardly he's been, she's gonna give the baby his surname even though he was just about to marry another woman out of pressure (weak!). Got engaged to someone and knocked someone else up within a 7 month period but sure, let's take someone who has shown zero commitment's last name for the baby because it doesn't REaLly mATteR to mE. And that whole talk about looking him in the eye because she can tell when he's being honest 😅 so was he being honest about marriage the first time with you, the second with her or the third time with you. Yeah she's in deep and literally romanticizing a relationship with a person who only does what's convenient for him in the moment

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

​​@@geekfreak315there is one thing we can all agree on, him asking OP for another chance wasn't because of the kid, the only reason is that Grace refused to be a his step mom plus her physical violence against him, it was her choice and not his. I am happy that the ex escaped a future with abusive narcissistic wife but there is a big chance he will be an emotionally abusive partner and father. People are not clouded with feelings so they are giving a much more pertinent opinions and OP sounds like the fixer girl who tries to save and heal a broken man and be the hero of his life for validation.

[@momo382844]

Jeff: It’s not my fault! I never had a proper father figure! My daddy left me! Stepdad: 🤨

[@rhondasisco-cleveland2665]

I hate to break it to OP, but he was using her to boost his bruised self esteem, because he got dumped. He’s a user, and that’s not a great guy. Then he ran back to Grace like a puppy.

[@HiltownJoe]

I got to disagree here. He had the chance to stick with his fiance. He ended his engagement when he was presented with the ultimatum. Jeff is a perfect example for people with abandonment issues. Desperately clinging to relationships, going from 0 to 100 real fast, and then sabotaging their own relationships once the fear of abandonment gets too big, only to still feel in control. In the mind of someone with abandonment issues sabotaging a relationship, because it is bound to break down the line anyway, is perfectly reasonable. He knew he was not going to be a good father with his issues, so he sabotaged his chances to be a father. He failed at not being a father and the one thing he feared more than being a father is being a bad father. All of his actions are still guided by his abandonment issues, but he thought he did the right thing when he was "setting OP free" and he still thinks he does the right thing trying to get close to OP again. Its not evil or irrational, it comes from a point of view that has been warped by trauma. He needs therapy not insults. Also you can not bruise someones self esteem, when they have none in the first place. He is a tall handsome man who obviously turns heads wherever he goes, and he still clings to his relationships as if he could never find someone else.

[@momo382844]

Jeff played both of those poor women like a fiddle. Just wait until OP finds a new partner. Jeff is gonna flip out and accuse him of stealing “his family” and then bail on OP and the kid when he doesn’t get his way.

[@rhondasisco-cleveland2665]

@@HiltownJoe Maybe I’m misremembering, but I have the impression Grace was a no go on the child.

[@rhondasisco-cleveland2665]

@@momo382844 i think they are getting back together.

[@Standinthegap4ever]

Normally I’d say that he needs to know. BUT he specifically told you to never contact him again unless you were dying. Please get an attorney to protect yourself & your child

[@mikea491]

Nah, he's a goof, but keeping a kid from their fathers, who isn't abusive, is awful.

[@johnbradbury8610]

@@mikea491What is wrong with these women? "sorry son I kept you from your father because of some wordplay that any adult would know what he meant.

[@zozocecp]

@@johnbradbury8610Maybe people should just say what they literally mean instead of expecting people to pick up on their “word play”. This is how most miscommunications start.

[@showcase0525]

@@zozocecp This was not wordplay. It was faith in the understanding in a serious enough event, she would contact him. Obviously that faith was misguided.

[@kristinwiebold2433]

OP ESH. His cousin for being a gossip and spreading news that wasnt hers to tell. But OP for not telling the guy and doing a paternity test and stuff so all this mess will be done before the baby comes. If people break up it is ridiculous to still sleep with them especially without birth control

[@OKAYOKAY420]

Jeff said "Don't contact me unless you're dying." Never said anything about being pregnant with his baby.

[@thekameru6058]

Lol yeah that would have been my first knee jerk reaction to not contact him based on that shit, but... commenters are right, its not just about her or him anymore.

[@OKAYOKAY420]

@@thekameru6058 that's true. She definitely should still keep Jeff in the loop. But still there's no coming back from his decisions.

[@kumikor3392]

You have to admit that saying shit like that sounds like you hate that person. He didn't want kids enough to ditch her and then say that afterwards. How was OP supposed to know he would care when he expressly acted and stated that he didn't

[@peeonthe3rdrail414]

That's malicious. You're a petty and sad person just like OP.

[@ruthsaunders9507]

That's a given. Obviously you tell him about a child.

[@Enderslegend]

Story 1: OP comes off a bit delusional about future custody issues. As someone who does Family Law for a living, her “we were very much in love and we had an ideal relationship until the end” is 95% of what I hear day in and out. It always goes the same way, with a decade or more of reopening a custody case every time one parent gets sand in their craw. Good luck, OP. You’re going to need it.

[@mogulmade]

She will definitely need it.

[@fufufuaru]

ugh, this read like a pocket book "romance" story. wish i just stopped at update 1.

[@bhutehole]

Its not a real story. Its pure fiction

[@paigehansen8944]

Yeah, the romcom-esque speeches towards the end sent me tbh

[@Krisna_K]

The need a legal custody and visitation agreement in court!

[@risingrat5491]

OP is on the road to the world of pain with this Jeff guy.. he is professionally squeezing through her boundaries and she is denying it

[@eph2vv89only1way]

Op should watch a few episodes of Paternity Court to see the harm she would be doing her child by not allowing the father in the baby's life

[@denises3630]

I want more people to be mad at Tanya for her part in this. She told everyone that OP was pregnant at the engagement party, she was the one who ruined Grace's party. Grace deserved none of this, she will find a more honest man for herself if she is a good woman. Jeff stepping up for his baby is a good thing, but he is being weird with his past trauma and thats reasonable for someone with daddy issues like him. He needs to chill and let OP raise their baby for now

[@mogulmade]

Yup, Op is now stuck with this loser. I wish Grace the best

[@TransbelleGwen]

Jeff deserved to know

[@novatryxward9372]

The guy is a loser but he's not a violent criminal and all children should have the opportunity to have both parents in their lives, it hurts more never meeting your dad

[@ZombieSazza]

“How could you move on so quickly?!” Excuse you? Your brother literally moved onto another woman and is saying he wants to marry her LMAO. Also if the mother doesn’t want him involved in her life, that should be her choice, OP made it super clear that she doesn’t want him in her life, she wants peace and quiet, she’s cut all ties, closed down all social media, and has a tight knit circle of friends that protect her from him contacting her. Jeff let’s fear dictate his life, he demands she move back, his girlfriend is making her out to be some horrible woman for simply being pregnant and not telling her ex because that somehow “ruined” their party. Her breakup was ROUGH, he said he wouldn’t commit to her and told her to never contact him again, he then moved onto another woman in a few months and is planning to marry her, he has commitment issues and I understand OP not wanting to have someone unreliable in her child’s life, especially when he makes demands and doesn’t offer compromise, that she move, that she can’t leave, that she has to do XYZ to appease him, his girlfriend is hostile towards OP, and he ambushed her. Sometimes Reddit gets it wrong, the first post everyone decided “omg you MUST give into this man who clearly doesn’t value you and only uses you for sex” and “you’re so evil not letting the father in the kids life”, because Redditors don’t understand nuance and what’s actually best for the OP and her unborn child, happens way too often where Redditors bully the OP and puts the OP in danger or horrible situations, where they then blame the OP for listening to their advice. In short, Reddit is a hell hole full of immature idiots who just don’t consider the OP at all.

[@dianabialaskahansen2972]

OP should definitely have told Jeff when she realized she was pregnant, whether they were broken up or not. As for how he can be interested in the child, I thought it made a lot of sense. I have seen a lot of especially young men who are afraid of parenthood and don't feel ready, yet when it does happen, some will step up and mature, while others prove their immaturity. Sounds like Jeff may still worry that he will be a bad father, yet he does prove in the updates that he seems to be ready to do his best, and that is really all one can ask. I do however hope OP and Jeff do not get together as a couple again, just are good co-parents, because both have some serious issues.

[@KadeStringer2.0]

No Jeff doesn’t need to know .

[@LilFeralGangrel]

@@KadeStringer2.0 maybe consider watching a video before commenting on it.

[@LilFeralGangrel]

i think they should just stay out of relationships until they work on their core issues.

[@mrs.h2725]

I agree that unless a woman’s ex was abusive or had some quality that made them an unfit parent, it’s the right thing to tell him. If however the ex had shown any red flags of potential abuse, then it’s safest for the mother and the baby to not tell him. I found out I was pregnant a month after breaking up with an ex, who I’d broken up with cuz he was so stressful with constant jealously and arguments. He hadn’t ever actually hit me tho so I thought I had to tell him cuz it was the right thing to do. He immediately started berating me demanding to control every move I made, that I had to move in with him right away, and that he was consulting with his mom and a lawyer to make sure I couldn’t leave the area. I hadn’t made any plans move, he was just extremely paranoid and had a toxic mom that was basically his coparent for his other kids. This went on for weeks till I tried to go LC cuz the stress was too much, then he started with the emails and random dropping by. I miscarried from the all the abuse at 9 wks. I’d advise any woman in that situation to really think it through and consider waiting till after the birth to be safe.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

​@@mrs.h2725I'm sorry for your loss. I'm hope you're doing better these days.

[@sapphicgeek24]

How dare he demand that she move back. That's his problem to figure out. I do appreciate that no one tried to touch her stomach.

[@salomerodriguez5145]

I'm halfway through and I swear if that mother doesn't slap her son straight I'm giving up on the whole family.

[@geminiblue]

Jeff just wants to sweet talk OP so she uproots her life & move back to Cali & he didn't have to make much effort. He seems like the type that goes for the easiest option. OP has low self esteem so she will take Jeff back in 2yrs. She's just waiting for a reason & wants to be chased a bit

[@user-fg4tn8ot6b]

Story one: The main problem here is *Jeff.* The guy is too indecisive and unable to keep it in his pants for too long (nor using a contraceptive, maybe?) during breaks from his girlfriend. Grace should've left his @ss, instead having this on-and-off relationship and expecting marriage. And...OP should stay far away from him. Or always remind him that their relationship is one of co-parenting only. *Oh! And TANYA should've kept her damn mouth shut!! That pregnancy was not her business! If Grace needs to blame someone for having her stupid proposal ruined, it should be Tanya (¡por bochinchera!)* Also, I disagree with people here saying that he has a right to know. Why would a guy who flip-flops between two women needs to know he's a father? *As if the knowledge of a new life growing inside OP from his sperm it's a guarantee that he will change. Don't make me laugh.*

[@wildwikedwanderer1208]

Thank you for wording my thoughts so well. Especially about Tanya.

[@hello93617]

Because men never change dramatically after having children... So now just controlling whether or not the baby exists isn't enough. You also want women to have complete control over whether or not the father is in the picture. No court order, no trial, no third party, no proof he is abusive or neglectful, just 100% control by the mother. I'm going to take a wild stab in the dark here, and guess you also think he should have to pay child support, too, but also have no right to visitation or guardianship.

[@Fishingandstones]

Wow what a very sexist thing to say. Only cus he said something once long time ago means he cant change? Yall complain that yall always changing but guys cant? Smh also do you want that baby to grow up and think the father didnt want/love him/her!?!? when in reality if he knew he could have been a present/involving father. Whatever happens in a relationship its between the parents not the kids. Also even op said no cheating happened yeah he was juggling them around be no cheating ever happened and she said they were only hooking up the second time doesnt mean they were dating. So a guy that wants to be present in his kids life should have a right to know. Its funny how people always complain that man are never present and are dead beats but when a father wants to be present yall do everything in your hands to keep the baby from meeting the father then when yall get old yall wonder why your kids cut you off for lying to them about their father. It happened to my friend so ik how maybe someone would feel because he told me he felt anger to his mother.

[@user-fg4tn8ot6b]

@@hello93617 Ahem. One: he's *flip-flopping* between two women, hurting them in the process. And two: he's making *hasty decisions based on his fear of commitment AND his unresolved abandonment issues.* Three: He said to OP *"don't contact me unless you're dead"* before he even knew there was a baby on the way; there is no asterisk, nor parenthesis saying if OP got pregnant. *Why the f@ck would I want to let that kind of person know he's a father? What if, like he did with OP when it came to marriage, he runs away out of fear of screwing everything up?* He's showing interest in the unborn child, sure. He may not be an abuser, but he's a coward who needs to get his sh!t together if he wants to co-parent with OP. The abandonment issues are still there. If he doesn't work through, rest assured it won't just be OP getting hurt by his actions, but the child as well. This is not about *men never change,* dummy. This is about putting your trust on a person who has shown how quick they are to abandon everything because they're afraid to f@ck everything up. You tell me: *would you trust someone like that if they were the parent of your child? Someone who will run away out of fear?* I wouldn't.

[@user-fg4tn8ot6b]

@@hello93617 Also, why are you bringing child support and no visitation rights here? I mentioned nothing about them. Since, again, the only reason I don't agree with Jeff not knowing he was a father it's because of the way he has been conducting himself. *No child is going to change that behavior.* A child can play a part in that decision, sure. But *Jeff* has to look for help to change that behavior. I just hope he actually does what OP asked him to: *getting therapy.*

[@Carehuea]

OP is basically an idiot. She keeps making excuses for Jeff’s outwardly harmless behaviour, but which is in reality highly unstable and immature behaviour. They’re gonna get back together for sure and the relationship is gonna suck. It’s frustrating how she takes one step forward and two backwards, all the while rationalising hers and Jeff’s poor decision making.

[@madisonmcarthur2422]

I find it funny that they didn’t bring up zoom or like stuff like that for keeping in contact with a child’s life. Yeah it’s still not in person but it’s some thing.

[@nataschavanzanen]

Hang on. Jeff was hooking up with OP, and left her for his ex, but it’s impossible for OP to find someone else? He must either think very little of her, or knew damn well it wasn’t that casual for her, and was fine with that. Grace would have blamed OP had she told him right away (which she should have), and is ridiculous for blaming OP for a cousin having the poor judgement to bring up an ex at an engagement party, never mind announcing her pregnancy. While Jeff should be a dad to the child, he can’t expect OP to take him into account in her plans, as he abandoned her TWICE. OP has no reason to believe he won’t do it again. She should plan for that, for the child’s sake.

[@josemadera3138]

If u have abandonment issues dont sleep around 95% u will just end up in this story putting ur kids through this if u don't like how ot feels they won't like how it feels

[@cold4882]

Jeff: I don’t wanna have children Also Jeff: raw-dogging his ex while on a break with another girl. He’s not a bad dude but incredibly irresponsible

[@theresajones7920]

Boils down to this-say what you mean,and mean what you say…..Don’t contact me unless you’re dying.Ok,I’m gone forever.Ditched me cuz you don’t want kids?Ok,im gone and still not dying so no contact.I don’t make my past traumas your issues,nor do I use them as a “get my way/be wishy washy/whine about everything “tactic.SAY WHAT YOU MEAN,MEAN WHAT YOU SAY 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@bhutehole]

Welcome to earth. Must be your first time listening to humans. We can be quite fickle at times.

[@CyeOutsider]

Cousin is asking OP how she could move on so quickly after breaking up with Jeff. Meanwhile, Jeffis getting married.

[@darecrise]

It's going to be a Jeff Junior isn't it...?

[@maryjanedodo]

Grace 🤣

[@VeeJayASMR]

But OP was pretty delusional for wanting to keep the child a secret from his dad.

[@reedergrant6108]

Then she paints Jeff as the villain when she chose to keep him out of the loop about her pregnancy. This all stemmed from her horrible decision.

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

OP is a dumbass with no self-respect and abysmal taste in men, but Jeff is still a useless piece of shit who uses and discards women, and the kid would be better off without a father like him in its life. They're both losers who make terrible f*cking choices, but Jeff is the bigger bad guy here. He asked for most of this when he kicked OP to the curb citing a fear of commitment, monkey branched to another woman, decided he wanted to commit to her, and then told OP to never contact him again unless she was dying.

[@greendiamondglow]

Jeff may not be an abuser, but he is a coward

[@catsncrows]

Knew it! Knew Grace was steamrolling the proposal! Idk why I immediately thought that. I don't know, going in the kitchen and wailing just seemed like "you ruined my special daaaay!😭" I would have been very upset and been "we need to talk😒" but handled it later

[@janenorwood1614]

I was so proud of her, then update 3 has her falling in into the trap. Watch yourself OP

[@ryanwatt6706]

Jeff played himself, he probably used her and Grace didn't know they were hooking up. And if she did Jeff definitely spun it to favor him, but OP being so non into him and him wanting her to stay showed

[@crash92la98]

I'd want you to stay close if you were having my kid too. This OP was absolutely exhausting to listen to complaining. Yeah girl, he didn't want marriage and kids with YOU. Whine, cry, and be butthurt OP. Now she's going to make it as difficult as possible for him to see the kid. I can guarantee it. 😂

[@KadeStringer2.0]

@@crash92la98you paid attention to nothing

[@petthequeenofmaddness8592]

@@crash92la98 jeffs a dumb ass, like op didn't want him in her and her kids life in the first place he said he didn't want kids or marriage so what did he expect

[@zozocecp]

@@crash92la98 He has the option of moving also. If he doesn’t, doesn’t that mean he’s choosing his new wife over his child?

[@bhutehole]

​@@crash92la98thats why she moved away bef9re the pregnancy was known. Cause its normally illegal to move away after for the exact reason you stated. Op is clearly spiteful and will use the child to hurt jeff

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

S1: I don't blame OP for keeping it from Jeff. Jeff made his choices. He didn't want to commit to OP or father kids with her. He dumped her, monkey-branched to another chick, changed his mind for the next woman, and told OP not to contact him again unless she was dying (she honestly dodged a bullet). So why should she tell him? What good comes of that? What value could the sleazebag have to offer this kid or OP beyond some meager amount of child support? No kid is better off with a man like Jeff for a dad. OP was a dumbass for hooking up with him after the breakup and for keeping the baby (why would you do that to yourself?!), but Jeff had made it abundantly clear he didn't want anything to do with OP. Also, OP seriously needs to think long and hard on her taste in men given the fact that she's still in love with this loser.

[@SP-io7lj]

Story#1: I wish women understood that WE may not need the man in our lives, but the CHILD needs both parents! I'm so sick of broken families! OP doesn't get to make the decision that Jeff won't be in the child's life! She only has control until that child is born. Once that child is born, then the courts will take over!

[@quartzskull8772]

No they don't sometimes both parents are worse

[@quartzskull8772]

Also she doens't live in Cali anymore courts can't do anything

[@whimsy-chan1188]

Wow way to minimize kids who grew up in single parent households. I never felt I was missing a parent btw - and as an adult I don't think having a relationship with my bio dad would have added anything to my life.

[@woodytables8196]

That first story the comment was spot on. The child has a right to know the father, the GF has a right to know her potential husband is a father.

[@kanelovec4315]

Eta. Everyone in the story are stupid and slightly assholes. Op should have told Jeff because he has a right to want to know his kid and Jeff should not have slept with op again if he wanted to stay with Grace permanent. Plus OP shouldn't have slept with him again if he was with Grace (they probably never broke up and cheated) and when he left op because he didn't want to marry or have kids with OP. This sounds like an bad toxic codependence on and off relationship. In a year or less he will either break up with grace try to be with op to have a "real" family for his kid or drop contact with his kid like Grace wants. Op need to get a lawyer and have a strict ruled about the kid. He wants op to be isolated while he gets all the benefits and he has an aggressive fiancée that hates op and the kid.

[@annem7806]

1) you followed his instructions exactly. Live your life. You do not need his abandonment issues since he abandoned you. See an atty when you get home. Then decide about him. He will keep being a yo-yo & torment your life. He needs intensive therapy. Tanya! TG you are not marrying into that family. Bravo on you, girl. DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK. See him only @ ur fam's house, not yours, ever. See atty pronto. She yelled grandparents rights. Be careful. Therapy. See atty. Grow a spine w that baby.

[@evilmotorsports5076]

Despite the trashing Jeff is taking in the comments, I hope he continues to redeem himself. He did some dumb things but at least he is taking responsibility and wants to be there. I wish both OP and Jeff success.

[@davidnash8208]

Men always get blamed.

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

@@davidnash8208 Nobody cares about your masculinist identity politics.

[@theeunknown2620]

Update: 3 months later. Everyone finds out that Grace is pregnant with Jeff's kid.

[@dumbum9970]

This honestly feels like a crappy ending. While Jeff does have a right to know, kinda feels like he lost that right when cutting off OP, his behavior throughlut the updates dont make it any better. At least hes getting therapy, but it just doesnt feel like things are gonna go well.

[@maryjanedodo]

He'll definitely flip out when OP starts dating

[@icarussisyphus5201]

This lady is truly what a strong mom is.

[@SunBeeSmoked]

Honestly it sounds like with some therapy and family counseling (yes I do think they should see a family counselor but I didn’t see that brought up in the post) this can be a really beautiful thing regardless of if they get back together or not. Jeff definitely needs to figure his shit out more than OP does but it sounds like he’s fully on board for the long run and OP and him could work on healing together as a family.

[@sammy79722]

If only OP would get an abortion. She wouldn't be in this mess. A child won't have to be born with unstability family home. She could have a kid with someone else and Jeff and grace could be together and ruin their own life.

[@TikiDragon1]

Wait, so Jeff has abandonment issues with his father and left his own child for the same reason? What an effing AH

[@Vipre-]

Not exactly. His abandonment issues/fear of having children are why he broke up with her, he had no idea she was pregnant from a hookup until about a year after the breakup.

[@TikiDragon1]

@Vipre- I get that, but he still let his fear take control, even if at the time he had no clue she was carrying his son. He should have known that OP had the chance of becoming pregnant and used that to stay in touch.

[@Vipre-]

@@TikiDragon1 Should've known and based decisions on that is called hindsight and it's 20/20 for a reason.

[@Ani_Watermelon]

Anybody wonder if Grace is gonna be pregnant too? Jeff is an adult child. He shouldn't have sex if he never want to be a father.

[@ComaLies225]

Really hope the parents can successfully coparent for the baby’s sake. They’re both kind of a mess, Jeff more so but OP isn’t blameless either.

[@kumikor3392]

OPs makes sense because her problems stem directly from Jeff's actions.

[@prettyangel0921]

Please elaborate on how OP is a mess and not blameless?

[@theresajones7920]

@@prettyangel0921op is not blameless because of what Jeff said.Jeff,”I’m breaking up with you as I don’t want marriage or kids.don’t call/talk to me unless you’re dying and want to say goodbye “.Therefore,op left him alone.Don’t want kids?Okay,you don’t want the 1 in my belly.Op wasn’t dying,just pregnant. Edit for correction-op is blameless.

[@JaneDoe1812]

I love how people like you blame the woman that got tossed away after Jeff was done humping her. Like literally Jeff made his bed and told OP he didn't want children or marriage. He then gets engaged to another woman after barely dating her. :l But yes OP is evil as Hell for respecting that he didn't want a child.

[@jbrennan381]

​@@prettyangel0921Because she made the executive decision to not include Jeff in his own child's life. Even when he expressed he wanted to be there for the kid, she refused.

[@joshguerrero8760]

My question is what happens if Grace decides she can be a Stepmom. I bet Jeff will go back to her if OP won't be in a relationship with him.

[@invisigoth510]

Jeff didn’t want kids when they were an abstract idea. Now that there is a baby coming & it’s reality & not just an idea, his perception has shifted--and this is a good thing for the baby. It speaks to his character & his maturity & hopefully to his ability to be a good coparent moving forward

[@Obiwantuan]

@@AnHeC She sounds pretty terrible herself with all the lies she is willing to tell. Poor kid.

[@briannawilliams2867]

​@@ObiwantuanShe only told one lie it isn't like she was telling a string of lies. And she wasn't going to lie to the baby and say that his father was a deadbeat dad and that he abandoned him.

[@peeonthe3rdrail414]

@@AnHeC Childfree people are not terrible and childish.

[@ruthsaunders9507]

@@AnHeC They both sound young. He's not terrible and she could have said no. She clearly wasn't the one for him but he's not going to abandon his child.

[@jake8748]

Finally someone who isn't making out like this is some big scandalous thing. There's lots of people who don't want kids until it happens. Then they love them with all their heart. There's others who all they ever wanted was kids and just use and/or abuse the fact they have them. What they originally saw as their wish doesn't mean anything, its how they stand up now its happened.