I'm Autistic and I'm a Big Fat Liar (+ BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!)

[@kathryn6092]

I relate to this so much. I was constantly making up excuses for why I couldn’t attend something because telling them “I’m so anxious that if I step one foot in your house I will burst into uncontrollable sobs” was too embarrassing. I also feel like I’m lying, even though everyone does it, when people ask me “How are you?” I HATE that question because it’s basically like asking “Tell me a lie about your life so I can feel like I did my duty in asking.” Because everyone knows you’re not supposed to REALLY answer that question. They don’t really want to know about the crappy things in your life (and with undiagnosed autism everything was always hard for me) but they still ask. It’s expected I will say, “I’m good! How are you?” But I’m not good and I don’t want to tell you I am. I feel like such a liar in those situations. I hate small talk. I prefer big talk 😂

[@JonBrase]

Most of my life I've been doing well enough that an automatic "fine" was workable without feeling too much like a lie, but the last four years or so things haven't been so great, and I've come up with "well enough". It doesn't actually say that you're doing well, just that you're surviving, but it applies when you're doing great, so it doesn't bum people out when they hear it.

[@jackieli772]

I think “lying” ties in a bit with alexithymia for me too. Like if someone sees me staring into space and asks if something’s wrong or how I’m feeling, not having an answer can cause misunderstandings. So I’ll say *something* even if I don’t really know. Do I feel happy? Sad? I don’t know, flip a coin 😂

[@SarahLynn-t6t]

meh

[@Con_blue]

OMG, the part where you say that you were trying to think which of the excuses you had already used is SO relateable! 😂

[@lailaal.6531]

I definitely can relate, also!

[@melissabyrd1310]

Yep, same

[@nancysmith3400]

Coming to terms with the way I am wired and accepting that as OK has made a huge difference for me. I don't need a label for it to defend myself. But discovering that there is a label has been helpful like not fighting the laws of gravity. Autistic brains and behaviors are like that, developing skills in self respect and honoring our differences is a kind way to be.

[@yolandavanderzee3854]

This is very recognizable. To lie is to protect yourself. I feel very guilty about it. For not being easy going, not being more sociable, for not being there when needed, for not saying the right stuff, for letting loved ones down. Even in my dreams I feel overwhelmed. A year and a half ago I learned that I’m on the Autism Spectrum, but I have a bad time dealing with it. I spend more than fifty years trying to be, what I call, “normal”. Now I have the facts, limitations and reasons to excuse myself from what I think people are expecting of me. But I can’t …

[@haroldgifford852]

👍

[@meriadocbrandybuck9833]

This is the other part I’m struggling with: trying to break that pattern to set healthy boundaries.

[@meganmahoney1749]

I get it- I’m 58 and was diagnosed recently.

[@smicketysmoo]

"Even in my dreams I feel overwhelmed" I get that one totally - I have cyclical, recurring anxiety dreams that leave me more tired than when I went to sleep. These are mostly related to having let others down, especially "loved" ones in my past. They also intrude on waking life, those moments that we wished we had been "better", more understanding of other's needs and less avoidant of them. I was diagnosed earlier this year, at 53, and am finding it so hard to give up the damaging coping mechanisms and the guilt and shame engendered by failing to meet other's expectations and needs, despite diagnosis. I have not yet shared my diagnosis with most of those who "know" me IRL (including some immediate family) due partly to the stigma and shame attached to such a label for those of us of a certain age, but also due to my own internalised ableism (from 50 yrs of masking/making do). I just can't...

[@dawndriscoll513]

​@@smicketysmoo I totally relate, and like you and @Megan Mahoney, I'm 58 and recently diagnosed, although, I'm finding it difficult to digest. I've also been masking/making do for all these years, and I don't really want another 'label'? Idk? I also drank alcohol and used all kinds of drugs. A lot. Oh boy, tmi, I know! I've been sober for years (20 +) and at least it helps me understand more of the "why?" of my life now. So, it is helpful to know what drives me and makes me who I am. What matters more is that I'm okay, just the way I am. I don't know a whole lot about being on the spectrum but I had been researching Asperger's a while back, as someone mentioned it about my adult child. I am now convinced they're on the spectrum and, come to think of it, I see a lot of similar characteristics and coping mechanisms throughout my entire family! I feel like we all have mental "un"health at some time in our lives, like anxiety, depression, OCD (rituals we follow?), etc., but it's how it effects our every day life that makes it a problem, or a diagnosis, maybe. Especially, seeing so many people like myself here. And, we're definitely not alone! Like, what is normal? A setting on a washing machine? That's the only thing I know that's "normal" for sure. Maybe we're "normal", and other's need a diagnosis of some sort, or everything and everyone is normal? Lol. Who knows!? Well, thank you so much for sharing everyone! I appreciate you all so much! Take care and love who you are no matter what! : )

[@sparklingspectrumite]

Congrats on the book! I was recently diagnosed as autistic at 35 years old, and my 8 year old daughter is also autistic. I am completely relearning who I really am because of years of masking, so your video is very refreshing. Thank you!

[@jflowers41]

I’m 46 and only just recently discovered that I may be autistic. I don’t have a diagnosis and likely won’t get one. I find it difficult to share my explanation of having autism with most people simply because I don’t have a diagnosis. I feel like people will think I’m making things up. I’ve only shared this with a few family members and a friend. My parents don’t seem to believe me. It doesn’t surprise me but it lets me know that I can’t talk to them about it. So I have to be careful how I word things with them. So basically I have to continue to lie to them because they don’t want to hear the truth. This whole thing makes my anxiety even worse.

[@valtetrault]

I’m in the same place as you and empathize with you. 😟

[@treesapgrl]

I feel this very much. I just turned 40 and have the same problem with my mom not believing me... I live with her, so that's fun times.

[@smicketysmoo]

Yeah (sigh), I have gone/going through similar. Have luckily managed to get diagnosis (in my 50's) but parents are ignoring/denying it. It makes conversations with them quite difficult and anxiety inducing to say the least. Self diagnosis is completely valid when facing the difficulties in getting a diagnosis later in life (and for various other valid reasons - such as lack of resources/gender/ethnicity/ and all too many others). I hope your situation improves

[@anniestumpy9918]

I'm in a very similar situation. One of the things I try to do to cope a little better with the whole situation is start being (more) truthful about little things without mentioning it (possibly) being related to autism. For example "I'm sorry I can't go to this specific event because I'm very sensitive to loud noises" or "sorry I'd really really rather text than talk on the phone because phone calls make me anxious" or "I cannot spend more than 20 mins in the supermarket because otherwise I will get overwhelmed by all the sensory input which makes me anxious and unable to make good decisions" or "I've spent all my energy for today, I can't do any sort of meet up/activity tonight" People who are my friends will accept this, and people who don't accept those explanations are - well, not my friends and it's better to limit contact with them anyway. (this goes mostly for non-work related environments because work is a whole story of its own...)

[@AG-cf4wn]

I can relate with this. I don't know for sure if I am autistic, but I can relate in ways with those that are. I have opened up to a few close people in my life, that I think I may be autistic, but no one is convinced that I am. I wish I knew for sure if I was autistic, just so I could put a name to the problem, but I don't know that I ever will and having people around me that think I am fine, doesn't always encourage me to make that step. Not that I blame them, but it does leave me feeling like, "Why bother?"

[@abbyanderson3679]

Hey Olivia I want to thank you. I've been using your videos as part of my autism research and you have helped me discover that I am most likely on the spectrum. And I wanted to thank you making me feel good about that. Also 🎉 congratulations 🎉 on your book.

[@shyoxen]

alking to; we just share the same name haha. But I am intrigued intrigued, WHat is your autism reaearch about, if you don't mi

[@ivytowergirl207]

I always want to know why people act a certain way, so that I can understand them (and myself) better…and it helps in understanding people and making decisions in future situations. Thanks for this video and congrats on your book!

[@jennifergrimes1563]

I will be reading your book! thanks ! I'm 59 years old and learning so much from you. you are my hero. I have sooo many traits that you talk about. I always knew that I was different. thank you so much! 💓 BTW when I was young I lied all the time. I was so shamed by it. now this makes perfect sense! since I've been an adult I absolutely hate lieing . I can't tolerate it. it's been the reason I have given up friends, cuz when they lied to me...I couldn't take it and would end the friendship.

[@treesapgrl]

I will DEFINITELY be purchasing your book ~ congratulations!!

[@smicketysmoo]

Recognise this behaviour in myself so much! Wish it was not so, but it is what it is. Have always thought this was but a part of my masking too, but was so ashamed of it. Thank you for saying all this, recognised myself in your words, which both challenged me and comforted at the same time. Really helped me deal with my recent dx in so many ways - including imposter syndrome. Will definitely check on your book. Good luck with it! I am sure that it will help as much as your posts/videos have done for me.

[@Art-in-Making]

Thank you for this video, it's my story. I'm a 55 years old female, diagnosed with autism 5 months ago.

[@Art-in-Making]

@Mp free from autism...act right??? Autism is not a desease, it's not the flu!!! What a load of nonsense

[@angelcoops511]

My daughter use to make excuses not to go places or meet up with friends. She’d lie why she couldn’t go to parties ect.

[@meriadocbrandybuck9833]

I also feel the same. It’s especially bad with very social stuff like birthdays. One birthday in particular someone gave me a gift, realized it was the wrong one, & took it back. Having to pretend I didn’t actually care (at 8) and was not both furious & hurt I didn’t deserve the present they gave me at first, was a mess. I learned to pretend I don’t care about gifts. Now I’m pretty blunt. Got asked yesterday when we were celebrating my birthday if it was “the best birthday ever?” And just responded, “nope, it’s not even close, & today isn’t my actual birthday. You guys did great, I’m just not feeling it.” I feel like that’s a big step to actually be honest. Or like: “I hate this dress you got me, I have huge sensory issues with polyester. If you want to know what I like, I’ll just send you a list of what fits my specifications, & then surprise me with which one you pick.” Being open about being autistic with my boss and closest coworkers really lets me tell them “yeah no, I’m burnt out and will have to quit if you need me to work that much overtime. It’s not a possibility.” In the past, lying about my discomfort got me into really bad situations too, including abusive ones bc I thought I was just being irrational having a gut feeling something was wrong. It’s led to a lot of people pushing past my boundaries & me pretending that’s fine bc I don’t feel confident enough to put my foot down. Being pregnant I’ve been really trying to consider how I can be more honest (bc I’d like my kid to know they can be.) I think it’s helping that being pregnant ppl expect you’ll have some trouble so if you’re asked: “how you feeling?” “Completely exhausted” is an acceptable answer. And I don’t think it’s the little kid making me tired, it’s the almost meltdown I’m having.

[@s.o.5606]

That is awful that they took away your gift. They could have asked you which one you preferred. That had to really hurt.

[@meriadocbrandybuck9833]

@@s.o.5606 I’m obviously not bitter at all. (Jk) That wasn’t the first toxic thing that family did nor the last. Pity I didn’t know that then: would have said exactly what I thought, “you’re a thief and a liar.”

[@elizabethCorkins83]

@@meriadocbrandybuck9833 👍🏻 Kinda reminds me when I kinda had to give 1 of my toys away to 1 of my cousins... I was maybe about 7-ish idk.... I didn't even play with that toy anyway, but it was from my Gramma & she was my best friend & I felt kinda like "how dare they" lol... Kinda funny to think about it now, but yeah... I'm pretty sure my gramma bought me more stuff to replace it & I was always the favorite & my grandparents gave me extra stuff later when my cousins left lol... But when ur a kid, it's hard to realize all that stuff I guess...

[@meriadocbrandybuck9833]

@@elizabethCorkins83 I think for me, a major factor was that I was much more attached to toys and my stories with them than to any of the kids I played with.

[@samyka68]

Congrats! And thank you for helping me feel better about myself. I needed this

[@steftacular]

These videos are so validating. Lying has been a way of life for me too, avoiding people and events that I just cant bring myself to attend because of anxiety and sensory issues. IT IS exhausting! And I got the same questions from my partner and friends, "well what does it matter if you are autistic or not?" It makes a huge difference for me because it will mean that I finally have an explanation for why I do these things. And that's life changing.

[@Zeldaqashmir]

Growing up autistic in a world that’s not only built for neurotypicals, but in a world that punishes you for not being neurotypical. It makes sense why you any of us would choose to lie. Lying is how we survived. Lying is how we fit in. Lying was expected of us - when no one wanted to listen to our truth.

[@sianchild]

Congratulations on the book! With regards to the necklace - aren't puzzle pieces associated with Autism Speaks? Apologies if that's incorrect, but perhaps not a positive symbol if they are. I think we often have to resort to 'lying' when we either don't understand stuff ourselves or know that people won't understand or accept the true explanation. I'm the queen of saying I'm sick when I'm really just too nervous to go to stuff.

[@sianchild]

@Mp autism isn't a disease that needs to be cured. Don't peddle that here.

[@jennyhardesty2278]

I generally text people, but if I have to make an actual "call"...I hand the cellphone to my husband or give him the information and he calls the person. He then goes into an explanation that I don't talk on the phone and he does all the talking for me if it is needed. I stopped being embarrassed about it after about the 3 meltdown with "waterworks"...THAT embarrassed me a lot more than having my husband talk for me. I wanted to say tho, I love your videos. Thank you for posting them for everyone to see. They have helped me a lot. Thanks again.

[@melissabyrd1310]

I hate talking on the phone, hate making calls. It gives me very high anxiety,panic attack.some times. Even over just making a call for a dentist appointment or something thats not a big deal. Its way easier for me to talk in person, but not on the phone. Makes no sense. I've gotten worse with it as an adult to.

[@v2webster]

Oooh, yes. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 58(two years ago). I related so much to everything you said. Thank you so much for the honesty in this, and all your great videos. Getting diagnosed has been a huge relief. I have masked and lied so long, it is automatic. But I’m slowly learning to unmask and be myself, and to finally be honest about things. I can now give “explanations” instead of making things up. It isn’t always easy. But it is so much better. Thank you for your transparency and for being a voice for women on the spectrum!

[@octahedron1]

I'm a bit different in that I genuinely care about friends' & family members' daily lives and I desperately want to be involved, but my sensory issues are too extreme to see them in person anymore and all forms of communication are completely overwhelming.

[@LisaPFrampton]

You have empathy. I believe that, and no offense, Olivia lacks empathy. I'm saying this based on watching most of her videos. And for you I'm terribly sorry about where you're at. I know others in my life that are there as well. I learned that very slowly, gradually, and lightly exposing ourselves to what we fear or are overly-anxious about, that we can at least not continue to fall into the behavior, and maybe even begin to improve it a bit at a time. I pray you can find a way to make baby steps to progress. ❤️

[@notsogreatreset4476]

The most bothersome component of her lack of empathy is how little she is bothered by it. So many people with asd work with behavioural therapists to get better at at least trying to realize how hurtful their actions are. She wears it like a badge of pride. I also think her new "special interest" is autism in itself. It is not a catch all excuse for terrible behaviour and treating others poorly.

[@anniestumpy9918]

@@LisaPFrampton Yes I think she's talked about that in another video. Not about having no empathy but having low empathy as far as I understood her. This only shows that no/low/high empathy is not a good indicator for if a person has autism or not. I guess one could look at the different types of empathy (cognitive vs. affective empathy), autists often are low on the former but high on the latter.

[@m.pixley8413]

I can't stand when people force me to be explicit about something. If I make up an answer in this instance which is rare I don't consider it lying because I consider the pressure to be a transgression. You have a right to a private self and sometimes it's not recognized.

[@AlexShiro]

Fair call; learning about boundaries and navigating them can help so much. Terri Coke has a great book and methods for strengthening boundaries that help NT and ND people.

[@nicolovoci7265]

You know people called me in many variegated ways but liar is not one of them, on the contrary the tell me i'm too 'direct' even on unnecessary topics; the fact is i find natural being sincere furthmore in this way i recognize the TRUE friends from the others( essentially everyone i don't want to invest energy, time and money). Do you think that Is mainly the 'sincerity trait' that makes autistic look like they are 'rude' even if it's not intentional(and force use to use a 'mask') or there are others traits that contribute to the collective stereotype? Ps Your smile is always a blessing

[@Lulu.apolonia]

Same here. Social events are a nightmare, but lying definitely is not an option.

[@artemis7798]

Although I personally find lying quite difficult and err in telling too much truth, I know a number of people who do what you are talking about here. NTs may not feel the need to lie about those things as much, because they don't get overwhelmed as much, but they very often lie about why they can't (don't want to) do things, too. Like, all the time.

[@LisaPFrampton]

I also cannot lie. I over-promise because I don't want to let people down or disappoint or give them any ideas that I have many limitations. But then I totally crash and burn from overdoing everything.

[@everybrainauniverse5577]

Wow, You are telling my whole life with your words. Eventually, when I thought I had social anxiety that was a great excuse that could be reused, and felt less like a lie when I used it. It still felt a little bit like a lie because sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t want to be around people. It felt like a cop out sometimes when I knew I could stand being social but did not want to be. So yeah, knowing I am neuro diverse has freed me from that emotionally stuck place.

[@melaniecharlton7121]

Congratulations on the book😊👏🏻

[@Tickles_The_Oaf]

I’ve had some not-great experiences telling the truth too: Person: You should come over and visit! Me: If I did, how long would you expect me to stay? Would you be providing refreshments or should I bring my own? What other people will be there in your house? If I don’t know them, I’m not comfortable coming. And also you should know that I might suddenly feel like I need to leave for no particular reason and I can’t handle the long goodbye song and dance . So if I just abruptly get up, don’t take offence. Person:…..😮…uhhh…ok…it’s not a huge deal here…but it obviously is too much for YOU. Forget I said anything…

[@lindalyons7332]

I’ve done this my entire life. It’s crazy. My friends (as teenagers) would invite me out and I’d cancel at the last minute. I can’t explain the fear and stress of coming up with “the excuse”. I have become more authentic and it wasn’t easy LOL I’d still feel fear and guilt about saying no

[@melissabyrd1310]

As a kid i.would say my mom.said i couldn't go for the reason not to go. Even when she said i could go or some times i wouldn't even bother asking because i didnt want to go.

[@NikkiRaven]

Congratulations on your book!! I relate so much to this..I found out that I am on the spectrum just a few months ago.. I also love the puzzle piece because that is what it feels like! Finally finding the missing pieces..

[@Haziesmom2023]

OMGosh......... You Got Me~~~ I've always been a Big Fat Liar!! OMGosh.!!!!! Yep, that's me. I've used every excuse in the book....and my family KNOWS, I'm a liar............lol.....Ahaa.....thus that's why I'm alone! Holy Cow.... you are amazing. I am so looking forward to your book, Olivia. It has to be my life story also.......except mine has gone on for 71 Years unknowingly. This so explains why I hate a Telephone....I finally feel somewhat vindicated, if only to myself. I'd rather be beat with 40 lashes than to talk on the phone. AND about social situations, on top of being a liar, my family says I'm a hypochondriac....Oh, if only I'd had this diagnosis years ago. It's too late for me. I'm alone. Alone . In a nursing home since March when my hubby died. The "Family" admitted me here and no one.... no one visits. You might say that today, you have saved my life. Thanks for being a Liar.......lol.....

[@octahedron1]

I'm sorry you don't have anyone close to you that can understand why your mind and body react differently to the world than theirs. There are actually probably a lot of older women in similar situations; there needs to be a way to connect you all so you're not isolated. Maybe some groups already exist that I'm not aware of.

[@smicketysmoo]

Thank you for sharing your experience - you are not alone. Many of us autists, of whatever age or diagnoses type, go through similar issues to you and have often felt alone even in a crowded room. Can't stand telephones, can't understand social situations, are labelled hypochondriacs when they cannot "adequately" explain why their bodies seem to rebel against them whenever demands are imposed upon them by others. Having to lie, whilst hating yourself for doing so, is a difficult place to be - but thanks to Olivia (and her community) we don't have to feel so alone and unseen. You are not alone and neither am I. Thank you.

[@Haziesmom2023]

@@octahedron1 Thank You, You are so kind. I'm sorry about rambling on (above) I was excited. LOL!! I appreciate your encouragement.

[@Haziesmom2023]

@@smicketysmoo Thank You so much, Smoo. I'm so grateful to find others like me. You know we've always been alone. This is amazing to me and it lets me know that I'm not a black sheep, just a crooked one. LOL!!! I'm still in shock over this discovery.

[@lauren_elizabeth_1111]

100% my life, Olivia. Thank you so much for sharing this. It is comforting to know that I am not alone.

[@lillywonka2248]

You nailed it. I am also a big fat liar.. ugh and I hate it. I have moments where I choose to be honest, like the time I told my friend that I don't like video or phone calls so I would rather just text - his response? You should really change that about yourself if you want people to know you care. So, back to lying.

[@thatswhatisaid8908]

When i was a child and in my teens, i couldn't talk on the phone. Only if i had to, and i could only do it if i was alone in the room. When i got my first "real" job, ringing people was part of it. I lived in a big country town and my family lived in another town. I knew i had to get over it. Keeping my job depended on it. Paying my bills depended on it. So somehow i did. Now i can talk for hours on the phone. But i HATE video calls. HATE.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

CONGRATS ON YOUR BOOK!!! So cool!!!

[@terciopelo]

I did the same thing too for many years growing up, and it really intensified in my teenage years but as I became an adult I became more confident and stopped lying. I remember I used to say my parents wouldn't allow me to go to all these events and outings that my friends invited me to so much that my friends thought my parents were extremely strict, when that is the total opposite of the way my parents are. I think that's one of the things that made me realize lying that way was hurting me and others more than I thought. I never liked lying of course, but now I really avoid it as much as I can.

[@zumiaurareadings1538]

Congratulations on your first Book!!! Love your videos and personality!

[@brainsy8697]

Thanks Olivia! This made me feel so much better about how I grew up. Between masking with different friend groups and lying about why I couldn’t do certain things, I actually began to wonder if I was developing dissociative identity disorder during the months prior to part one of my diagnosis testing. The identity crisis was real! Turns out, part one of that test puts me on the spectrum as a professional opinion of a likely diagnosis. Now I just need to wait for scheduling to open up to finalize that diagnosis on paper. You’ve inspired me so much to keep digging into who I really am, and even get back to writing my book. Congrats on your book! I’ll be looking for it :D

[@doggman824]

I was Diagnosed with PDD Nos when I was 8 years old which I am sure as you know is on the Autism Spectrum as well.

[@chinatosinthiti3076]

Out of all of the things I've learned about myself and being autistic, I feel that this is the biggest challenge to me, my strong desire to mask/camoflague has left me lost on being authentic, caused a lot of burnout, and a lot me of lying to look and feel okay. It has to do with a lot of shame, guilt, and not loving myself. Redifining and to live a more authentic self is something I'm working on. Thank you Olivia, your video validated and helped me cope with this.

[@megangleason9026]

With also being Autistic myself.. I also lied to survive too! I didn’t think it was good to do it, but because I also experienced being around traumatic behavior from my parents and others it led me to easily do that unconsciously.

[@itsdenitramichelle]

I’ve been looking for a video helping me understand why I lie so much and THIS IS EXACTLY THE VIDEO I NEEDED!!!! Thank you so much ❤❤

[@sugarwoofle6067]

This is soooo true. I do the same thing all the time. I haven't been able to hold down any jobs because every job I qualify for is too people involved. I don't keep any jobs like because it becomes too much for me to handle. I freak out and cry in the bathrooms or I get "sick" and can't come in for days until I get fired. It's so hard to explain to people why I can't do people.

[@StephiesCorner]

Oh my lord! I just found your channel and I literally had this conversation with my husband recently. Your video describes me to a T. I don't even answer the phone or door a lot because I don't want to interact with people. I have to lie and mask at work and am so exhausted emotionally when I get home, I just don't want to deal with anyone.

[@annienamaste8283]

🎉 Congratulations on your book!! I'm so looking forward to reading it and I'm so thrilled for you! I've always wanted to be an author too and am also writing a book about my autism journey as a late diagnosed woman. The more our voices get out there the more we can help! I'm so happy for you Olivia! Also, I can definitely relate to lying growing up and not knowing why, but I think my lying was more around feeling like I desperately needed help and support and extra TLC but not knowing why or how or even that I deserved it (not knowing I was autistic) so I would lie in ways that were really big cries for help, which was damaging behaviour and even more damaging to self as I didn't know why I was doing it and what was "wrong" with me. As well as the masking lying, trying to fit in and protect people's feelings. It's been deeply healing and a profound relief to now have that explanation as to why I would lie and that destructive attention/help-seeking behaviour. Thank you so much for speaking about this 🙏💖

[@Stella_Blue1972]

Olivia could you please do a video about how to get diagnosed and what to expect during the process? I need to get myself and my kids screened but don't know where to begin. TYIA :)

[@LauraGibson1987]

And congratulations!! I cannot wait to read your book!

[@user-kz4eb5ku1n]

thank you for making me feel understood. my parents dont seem to understand that im autistic, or they just dont care. they keep forcing me to be something im not and im always exhausted and depressed and i feel like im doing it to myself because they say i choose to be this way. but seeing your videos helped me feel understood and not crazy. thank you

[@_abisonthing7181]

I'm really curious about the "not care about what other people are up to" statement... I relate so much to a lot of what you're saying. I'm not officially diagnosed but I've done several screenings that strongly suggest AuDHD. What I've found in relationships though is that I often have the sense that as strenuous as communication is for me, I feel it is also a burden to those close to me. Especially because I do not mask as heavily around them. While I'm interested in what's going on in their lives I generally try to keep up with them tangentially: checking their social media, an occasional well wish in a group chat, etc. I have combo anxiety when it comes to reaching out: 1. Am I finally going to exhaust them to the point they don't want to talk to me anymore, and 2. What if I say the wrong thing or don't know what to say and they're having a hard time and need me. For the longest I never realized people expect you to check on them... I just assumed everyone was like me and if they had something they wanted or needed to share they would just reach out. Relationships and socializing are just so confusing. Everytime I think I get it I find another thing I've been missing

[@denisecouchman9289]

I’m 60 , undiagnosed as yet , but recently spoke with a lovely autistic support worker who put together a letter for me to take to my gp as i want to be assessed - the letter was true and to the point EXCEPT, the last sentence which was related to my honesty ! Yes i’m honest generally , but i’ve had to lie so many times for myself and to protect my daughter ,as when i was honest in the past , it backfired , & affected both of us , we were both subject to emotional manipulation , lack of insight into my own self , not understanding my wonderful daughter enough ,- i could go on and on , but though i wish i could be completely honest now , am not quite there yet, still feeling the need to lie, mask and protect .

[@Catlily5]

I can lie but I am not good at it and it upsets me. Before age 15 I didn't have many friends. I was diagnosed with severe mental health issues at age 15 so I told people I was having mental health problems if I had meltdowns or whatever because I thought they were mental health issues. I didn't know that I had autism. So I just told friends and family that I was having mental health issues. I lied more and made excuses for occasionally missing doctors appointments and being late to events due to my executive functioning problems. I didn't think that my forgetting was a reasonable excuse. But I am a bad liar and feel guilty for doing it. Congratulations on your book! 🎉

[@lotus5w4sxsp]

I don't try to conceal my autism nearly as much now but I still do where I need to blend in more. One thing I am struggling with is at my new job, there is transition of shifts when starting where there is a lot of group communication of which I have language processing difficulties. I get bits and pieces of the picture but have to pretend like I understand on the outside while on the inside I am troubled that I can't follow like the other girls. I guess its more of a passive lie. Looking forward to your book!!

[@LisaPFrampton]

That's how I feel about this as well.

[@shamsaislam1548]

Hi Olivia! I’m so excited to hear you are publishing your own book! I will definitely buy it as soon as it’s released! Perfect timing too because recently I have started my own personal research on how Autism presents itself in Females so I am super excited to learn from you!

[@Con_blue]

Congratulations on your book Olivia! Will we be able to buy it in Europe?

[@haroldgifford852]

🇪🇺

[@corbenhavener7531]

I feel like there is a difference between a free floating social event like a party vs events with a focus such as a sporting event. I’m all for the sporting events.

[@corbenhavener7531]

@Mp there’s no cure for autism. He is still autistic. It may have been a helpful sensory input that helped him regulate but there’s nothing more than that. Attempts to cure autism are incredibly dangerous. In these spaces it’s clear that we want to be accepted for how we operate as humans and not be cured.

[@SelfHealingNetwork]

I appreciate this video so much because I was a chronic liar as a teenager. I remember always telling myself that I had to stop lying, it was such a habit that I felt so guilty about. Like you, it was all to avoid hurting people’s feelings because I didn’t know how to justify how I was feeling or that I didn’t want to do something. I never knew why I always lied. Just little white lies all the time. Looking back now I see why since you so amazingly shared your similar story. I mostly got out of the habit at some point, I don’t remember how. But I know how most of my life it’s been almost torture to lie, it is SO HARD!! I don’t know how I did it back then. I can almost NOT lie ever anymore. Again, thank you for this video and all of your others too. You are helping many people. This is one more piece to the puzzle that is putting my whole life together. ❤

[@puttervids472]

I relate to this. I believe it part of masking . We tell people what we think they want to hear to avoid conflict. And yes. It’s because I just did not want to do these things. At all. I’d rather have a root canal than to go to a party , or to dinner with non household family etc. it’s absolutely torcher. When people read this they won’t get it. But I’d rather work a 12 hour shift than do 2 hours of social interaction.

[@Inbaroush]

Oh my gawd, this was revelatory!!! Thank you!!! 🧡

[@cassandrar5127]

I feel like lying was a big part of me trying to be camouflaged and mask as well. It would even be to the point that I would lie to cover up a lot of my mental health struggles, because I was put in a psyche ward for a period of time. And I learned to lie in order to seem more fine so they would let me out.

[@jennym-lsh]

Amazing, huge congratulations! I’ll definitely be looking out for it 🤩💛

[@jennym-lsh]

@Mp that’s quite a shameful plug. There is no cure for Autism.

[@insanelysane8296]

I can definitely relate. With the difference that I always felt bad about it. And I hate not telling the truth, having to mask and everything that comes with it. I've also been told by a wide range of people that I am an honest person. And then I still feel you. And also make up excuses. And am brilliant at it. My goal though is to always tell the truth, should I feel safe with a person.

[@LisaPFrampton]

I have ADHD and can't "read" books but I can certainly listen to them! Will your book be available on audible?

[@LisaPFrampton]

I can't see the reply to my message. Can anyone else?

[@down2earth716]

I can see your message

[@angelcoops511]

Congratulations, can’t wait to get your book.

[@bananabread2833]

Thank you for this! I work with a young man with ASD, and he lies to me. I would often wonder why, made no sense to lie about the little things (to me) that he was lying about. This is very enlightening. Thank you again A question: Should I confront him and tell him that it's wrong to lie, or would that be damaging or rude?

[@gracegrace9567]

This is incredibly helpful, thank you so much.Your videos are a giant public service to all of us who can absolutely relate.

[@Stella_Blue1972]

I also have an aversion to phone calls! I hated lying, it goes against my nature, but I self medicated as a coping mechanism and still do. I'm 50 and don't know that I'll ever be able to change that, it's pretty ingrained at this point:(

[@shmeleu]

Common thing. Even when you and even they know, it's better (less tiring) to lie - so that people don't worry, they still don't want to understand and start "motivating" (what they think).

[@mariamurphy4551]

Thank you so much for taking time to share your experiences with us. This lying one really resonates with me, firstly I can smell a lie before it’s told and won’t be fooled by anyone, however I lie lie lie 95% of the time when it comes to social events. I really like some people but only tolerable in ‘safe’ settings. And others, ‘my tribe people’ I’ll go anywhere with, with no hesitations. Such a weirdo. So glad to understand who I am now at this late stage in life. I’m really quite entertaining…in my own quiet space 😊

[@ABLovescrafting]

Ok, can you do a video on your stance as team puzzle peice, because I'm confused.

[@howdydocowgirlcowgirl181]

Your necklace is puzzling 🤔 yet adorable 😍😅🕊️

[@franklinfamulski8638]

Hmm, I'm sure I do that and have done that but generally I find it annoying when other people do that lol its just really hard to tell nowadays becuase there are people that will lie for actually really bad and hurtful reasons but I wouldn't put what you're saying in that category I would just call it masking.

[@michellevinokurov]

Congratulations Olivia!! So excited for your book to come out. I plan on getting it! 😃❤

[@i.am.mindblind]

I'm newly self diagnosed at 42 and have an appointment to get an official diagnosis. I have trouble lieing or even exaggerating. I do now see I've masked a ton in my life but the difference I think for me, is I wasn't even aware I was doing it. I now see I was even lieing to myself to be more normal, even though it often made me miserable. But intentionally lieing isn't something I can do easily (even white lies.)

[@chibinyra]

I can't remember the lies specific but I agree, I was aware at the time that I would have called myself a compulsive liar to try to fit in. When I said "no more", I feel like my friend count only marginally decreased, but I had so few friends to begin with...

[@rahbeeuh]

It's like when you have the answer you can explain it better. You don't know what you don't know

[@wintergray1221]

Meanwhile when I reply "It's because I'm autistic," my parents respond with, "That's no excuse." -_-

[@rahbeeuh]

@@wintergray1221 That's pretty invalidating. Sorry they do that to you. Most things we do because we're Autistic. It's not an excuse at all. It's an explanation.

[@דנהדרור-פ9ס]

Hey Olivia , Thank you so much for this special video. I have wached it few times and felt like you were talking about someone i know😊 I wish you all the best. Dana (from the other side of the world)

[@owyn4126]

I used to lie simply bc l was too emberassed or ashamed to say l was Autistic. I'm getting more comfortable with it, though, this channel really helps me 😁 Can't wait for your book to come out, that's so exciting!!!!

[@carlotavalepereira]

Thank you very much for the video💕 I feel exactly the same... Btw: love the necklace🧩🤗

[@haroldgifford852]

🧩📿

[@planetag310]

I have one friend only and that's all I can handle. I'm curious as to why you had multiple friends when you really didn't want to see or talk to them. Did you have friends because it was something society told you to do?

[@smicketysmoo]

Being a "successful" human being in the eyes of others by having a large circle of "friends/contacts/acquaintances" (not entirely sure of the differences between these) existed well before social media gave us a "score" of likes vs dislikes/reTweets/etc. This paradigm has just got more immediately competitive/comparative as technology has evolved. This is not a system that helps the ND community (despite having been largely written by them) especially those with issues such as RSD. But ND's had issues with friendship and other relationships with truth/reality/others' expectations of them long before social media, ableism, or even language existed. That is the "D" in ND (which seems to have existed as long as humanity). But some of us "D"s still often want to experience the "T" as it seems to be the "norm" and so prevalent around us, having been inculcated since birth into the NT world - with all its failings (imo).

[@ac_ramone]

I would constantly lie about whether or not I had homework or studying to do. (I always had it, and I always said I didn't.)

[@D-Maulish]

Congratulations on the book! Looking forward to it! I used to lie about these kinds of things too, but I observe it as less an autistic trait and more as a result of societal pressure. I know many people who are neurotypical who lie to get out of things. At some point in my life I vowed to stop lying about them because a) it was more embarrassing to be caught in a lie and have to defend myself, and b) maintaining a lie takes SO MUCH MENTAL ENERGY. Also, I HATE finding out I've been lied to and well... be the change you want to see in the world.

[@kieranhurley3027]

Wonderful news !! Congratulations. I'll buy your book. Greetings from Ireland.

[@karynj2609]

I call myself spearing myself & other people's feelings. Individuals can mean well, but I gets perceived as being harsh. I grew up self conscious & with low self esteem, so I had a family member that spoke directly. I didn't know how to deal with them, until my adult years. Nevertheless, I've loved them anyways and truly miss them

[@stacyfornow3796]

I dont know what to say, I mean this. was a huge break through of understanding for me. I just cant even put in words cause I dont have them - but thank you. This just helped me realize SO many things. We have been going through so many years of struggles with my son since he was born. The focus was on figuring out how to help him, what was. going. on differently in him since he was literally born we knew something was going on. What makes this video different though- is we have tried SO hard to help my son the last 7 years and no one could even tell us any guidance. But I started to realize very slowly, many of the things he does are ME but in a more pronounced and obvious way. And at first my instinct was to teach him the way I was trained TO NOT DO. these things. All the wrong ways really to guide him. In the past year Ive come to realize without testing - at the. very least I have extreme sensory issues if not Autism. And I dont know how to say it but have been overlooking very clear and obvious sighns of my beutiful daughter who is 13 and labelled "brilliant" but lazy and "odd". How could I be so very blind.

[@alphafemme8154]

I personally don't see it as lying... Masking is a self defense mechanism 💡🌻🙏

[@L5biszz]

I feel u. In my case my fam gave me detailed ED on how to lie so eventually it became easy. Unlearning it was difficult then and i had to do it before getting diagnosed as ASD. Hmm. I love your videos.

[@deborahhope9094]

Congratulations on writing your book Olivia!

[@strictnonconformist7369]

All those lies, wow, I'd be totally stressed out doing that! I suppose it has been fortunate that I've not had the highest social drive and despite all the bullying I've had to contend with, I've never had an anxiety disorder. Frankly, lying causes me more stress, and that'd cause me more anxiety. I wasn't diagnosed until 31. I've never lied (that I can remember) to protect someone's feelings. Even little white lies cause me stress. Listening to this video it occurs to me that many autistics may develop anxiety issues due to lying for masking issues.

[@daniell.5347]

I have a friend who is autistic who lies a lot. I'll even catch him in a lie and he'll try to paint a deeper lie to convince me that he's not lying. It frustrates me because I can't trust him with telling the truth. Not sure what to do about it. I try to be understanding but I feel annoyed/betrayed when I catch him doing it.

[@adriasorensen2249]

That would be difficult. I was diagnosed at age 2, so this is an interesting concept. I think you described it pretty accurately. People with autism lie but not with bad intentions.

[@jennyrae-shine]

Congratulations on your book and thank you in advance for the help & healing it will bring. Can't wait to read it!

[@anniem2777]

Yeah I’ve created fabrications in the past in order to fit in and mask 💀😂 I was always so confused when people would say autistic people can’t lie. Cause that’s not me

[@aharrison1223]

Im 47 and seem to have a LOT of these traits. Always making up white lies to avoid unwanted social interactions, even with the ones I love. However, I have always valued long deep phone convos with my dearest friends where there's no small talk, but we talk about deeper topics we're both in to. Sometimes I tend to dominate the conversation and direct it towards my own experiences at the expense of the listener almost as a form of venting and validation. But I recognize this is unfairly one sided; I often just can't seem to help it. So in my "friendships" I tend to prefer deep phone convos over meeting in person somewhere where I might grow bored and disinterested with so much small talk very quickly. But I could talk all night on the phone as long as I feel like I'm leading the convo in ways that help me release frustrations or bonding with someone over special interests of mine. Just curious if anyone else who's on the spectrum reading this can relate? Because I understand the majority of comments about hating small talk, but do any of you enjoy deep phone conversations with a close friend just to kill time and feel less lonely? Just still trying to figure out if I'm truly on the spectrum. Thank you so much. ❤

[@DrRyguy24]

I can relate to your story so much. Thanks for being open about this and for your videos!

[@GummyBear1972]

You're very brave for admitting to lying. I have always been super honest, even as a child, and found lying to be such a high-maintenance activity that I pretty much always opted to be honest. Even so, hearing you explain this all brought me back to when I was in like second grade and one day I got a phone call from a classmate. I was a complete nerd and didn't really hang out with friends so this caught me way off guard. My sister answered and told me it was for me and who it was and I panicked and said "tell her I'm not home". A LIE! My sister was annoyed with me of course, but I could not bring myself to talk on the phone with this person. Nothing against her, just wasn't really socially prepared for phone calls. I'd never gotten phone calls! Why is someone calling me?! What would I say?!? No, I could not do it. It's weird to realize this was all autism staring me in the face, but no one had a clue.

[@matthewsommerville88]

Resonate with this. 34 diagnosed weeks ago. Years of thinking I was evil due to all the games I had to play. Masking was ruining my life and self esteem. Respect ✊

[@SkarlettDivinityy717]

Thank you so much for posting these amazing videos, I love learning new things about myself and my bestfriend hes autistic and these answer so many questions for me bless you sweet angel I'm so glad your here to help so many🤩

[@TheAwakenedJenn]

I one thousand percent relate and congratulations on the book. 🎉

[@carmensandoval1528]

We waited almost a year to see a specialist and evaluate my 17 yr old for autism spectrum everything you say resonates tremendously . It's too many symptoms to not see. We addressed all concerns but we recently got the results back and I have the feeling my kid has become a master at masking and after 4 hours of evaluation they are saying my child is not in the autism spectrum. They have learned to mask and interact. I don't know where to go from here what would you do? Is there a physician you recommend?

[@MOJORAPSCALLION]

I’m also Autistic and I’m so honest and truthful it’s ridiculous it frustrates the hell out of me. The exception to that is my masking. Other than that I’m brutally honest.

[@deborahthomas1617]

I find that some people wont take a polite “ No thanks.” I feel forced to be blunt because i dont want to do it. A lot of people do it. It’s one of the things I hate about social interaction