I'm Calling Off My Engagement When Fiancee Made A Comment About My Late Wife r/Relationships

[@nikkiwhray1598]

"No, we would've never met if my wife was still alive. I'm not a cheater, so I would never put myself in a situation to fall for another person when I was already in a relationship." This is the ONLY appropriate response, and it should be comforting to a new partner, not threatening.

[@VesnaVK]

Even better: "Why would you ask something like that?" Followed by, "Have a nice life."

[@persephoneszeliga]

I agree.

[@catmaxwell6691]

Had op been in the headspace to answer that question as perfectly as you did, her reaction wouldn’t likely ended the relationship on the spot. What a wickedly inappropriate thing to ask someone.

[@gimmeabreak6844]

Yeah, I didn't like the way he pussyfooted around his answer every time she asked him that question. Your reply is how he should have replied. And made it clear the subject was closed.

[@sandracox4341]

Exactly. He should have said "I loved my wife, and I would not have stepped out on my marriage, so No."

[@Midorikonokami]

His mum innocently says how happy she is her son isn't alone anymore and inadvertently saves him from a future of hurt. Go mum, and go him too for doing the right thing and prioritising his children over a warm body in his bed. We've seen too many people doing that

[@juliearmfield2634]

By that innocent comment she put a spotlight on what an evil selfish controlling and manipulative b**** Amanda really is

[@marshawargo7238]

A lot of people are saying that the mask is off. It is possible that, like me, the words coming out of her mouth don't sound the same as they did in her head. It could be that she's Not Happy about the first wife being dead but she doesn't know how to verbalize that she would Never have had a Chance with OP, because OP & first wife would never have split up, without the death. The love between them would have not allowed a divorce or even an affair. I'll bet OP's fiancé is saying to herself "WHY do you Ever open your mouth? Every Time Crap Spills Out!!!" More than once, I've tried to explain my side of what I thought was an innocuous sentence & just made it worse. To the point of them saying, "Just Stop Talking" Of course I could be wrong, I usually am. (A phrase I use often)😢 *I just finished the update: I can even justify her pushing the son out. Excitement about his age & place in his life. "Get out there & spread your wings! Move into your next new phase of life!" *Right up until she said "I didn't know I was supposed to house someone else's kids for the rest of my life" *THAT Is Where I Stopped Siding With The GF!!! Those aren't Somebody Else's Kids! They are OP's kids! If you don't want to support or be there for kids, who become Your Kids through marriage, then don't marry someone with kids! They will be OP's kids until he dies & even after they will still be your stepkids! They are only Ex Stepkids if you get a divorce! She is exactly what everyone said pushing the kids & deceased wife, out of OP's nest, so that she can take their places! (Probably why she chose a man with almost adult kids...

[@carpediem6431]

Insecurity in a person is brutal. If you date an insecure person you are in for a world of hurt. They need constant affirmation, live inside their head with every comment, look or action, analyzing and analyzing. The first signs of an insecure boyfriend or girlfriend, run don’t walk.

[@DrawciaGleam02]

The mom did it by accident though.....

[@juliearmfield2634]

@@marshawargo7238 the last sentence she made in the update is exactly what shows she meant every sentence she said before

[@hothotheat3000]

The ring is on and the mask is starting to slip. I’ve seen this before secondhand with a friend who was dating a woman who seemed nice enough. Then, they got engaged and she started feeling like it was a lock, so she could start acting disrespectfully to his family. He ended the relationship.

[@hi_stranger9156]

WTF is she talking about having to ‘house someone else’s kids’?! Firstly, they’re living in his house so she’s not housing anyone. And secondly, and far more importantly, they’re not ‘someone else’s kids’ they’re her FIANCÉ’S kids. His late wife didn’t make them all by herself and then bequeath the responsibility to him on her death. If you don’t want someone else’s kids in your life for the rest of your life, don’t get involved with someone who has children. She’s jealous and competing with a dead woman for no reason, but that comment about being expected to house them also has gold digger vibes. It feels like she thinks all his assets should be at her disposal (and as I type that I realise I mean emotional assets as well as financial).

[@sergeipohkerova7211]

Maybe she has that "my stuff belongs to me, but you don't have anything because what's yours also belongs to me" kind of attitude. Except when it comes to work or taking care of children. Probably she thinks that's all on him.

[@charliesangel1]

Agreed if she didn't want to be in a relationship with a man who already had kids don't get with him. Assoon as shegotthat ring she did a complete 360 and the kids seen her for who and what she really was.

[@SassyGirl822006]

I can't even imagine acting that way to my husband's children. My adult stepson is having to move back in, because the apartment building he's in has changed hands, and they've decided to kick him out (as well as about half of the other tenants) for no apparent reason. He's looked for other accommodation, but can't get in anywhere. He has a good and stable job, but we won't be asking him for rent. He'll need that money for setting himself back up when he finally finds somewhere else. I know my home will always be open to my step kids, and their kids if needed. That's just how it is if your partner has kids from a previous relationship.

[@Gloria-ro4vn]

She NEVER had kids. Most women who never had kids, have at least a little understanding of the eternal parental bond, you see among widow and widowers, not so much among divorcees. When she made that statement, she felt she was telling everyone how much she loved the man and how lucky she felt marrying him, it never occurred to her the remark was highly inappropriate. Plus, I don't think having dinner with your fiance's dead wife's sibling and spouse went over to well. My guess is, that remark was aimed directly at them. Can you imagine, sticking around for six long years waiting for his kids to move out and start their own grown-up lives and then find out they weren't going anywhere and would continue to be future hubby's number one priority. Don't want or like kids, then DON'T get involved with someone who has them. Even when they're grown they will probably have little crotch goblins of their own they'll expect grandpa or grandma to watch now and then.

[@bessieburnet9816]

Your spouse's kids are not just some other man/woman's things. They are human, and a huge priority to the parent you have shacked up with.

[@namayra299]

People should really stop trying to marry someone with kids and a dead spouse if they cant handle it. Currently in the same mess with my stepmother slowly removing my mom's pictures from the rest of the house. And dont get me started on how apparent her hate for us is.

[@poetryqn]

My condolences. NO ONE deserves that kind of step parent. I hope your father wakes up to her. I will never understand someone who tries to erase memories instead of making new ones with the family she married into.

[@namayra299]

@@poetryqn thankyou. My father is aware, and tries to protect us as much as possible. It doesn't help that even his own mother, our grandmother doesn't like us much. She moved in with us after my mother died to 'help out' conveniently overriding the fact that we were pretty low contact with her prior to that. My father doesn't really want to separate with her because of my half brother, he is only 4( he's the cutest kid and often prefers our company to his own mother's which in turn makes her hate us more) and my father would prefer to stay together for his sake. Also I'm already 23 and my younger sister will graduate high school this year and would be off to college so he's just trying to keep peace. It is sad but not much we can do.

[@amandalewington6525]

You poor love. As a widow, I'd only date widowers. They're great family men, proven.

[@MassiveChoad-vr5gy]

​@@namayra299perfectly reasonable that she would want to take photos down if it's in her and her husband's house

[@namayra299]

@@MassiveChoad-vr5gy it was my mom's house first. Her daughters still live there. She moved into our family. She has her photos up too, why does that mean my mom has to be erased from the house she designed.

[@valgardener7656]

"If your wife hadn't die would you still be with me?" That is when he should have dumped her. What answer is he supposed to give to a question like that? She was clearly fantasizing about breaking up his marriage and getting him to leave his wife for her. Which makes her a woman of no morals or character. And if she's so threatened by a dead woman, she'll be threatened by her children.

[@sergeipohkerova7211]

The answer is NO. Long answer Hell No.

[@Kalossupremacy3356]

Yeah 100%, that line means that this relationship is only going to hurt both parties.

[@tallyp.7643]

It's a damned ridiculous question to begin with. It's an obvious "no" and a trap. She wanted some crazy validation that only makes sense to her. The crazy thing is, his wife's sudden death may have changed OP on some fundamental level emotionally or how he presents himself, what he likes to do, etc., so the way he was pre-death might not have appealed to her back then, anyway. It makes it a moot question. Just yikes all around.

[@GMWILD87]

Came to say this as well it's pathetic of her to say and would have been an instant of course not.

[@Bev4Drawing]

That's what I was thinking! Of course he would still be with his wife.

[@madambutterfly1997]

For a 40 something year old woman to be displaying this level of insecurity and jealousy that I should only be seeing in 15 year olds

[@DiZoSoMom]

This was my immediate thought. I am 40- roughly the same age as OP and his witch. My bf of four years is much younger than myself and admittedly much hotter, but I have NEVER acted like this! I couldn’t imagine being as ridiculous as this woman, both in insecurities and what she said. And honestly this is why my bf said he always dated older women… the insecurities, petty actions, greed, and immaturity. The fact this much-older woman is still like this is just sad. She never grew/matured as a person since her teen years and she really needs counseling. I really hope OP finds someone much better for him after some counseling himself.

[@iononcantomascrivo]

I knew someone just like Amanda. Let's call her Kelly. She had two kids, one from each marriage seven years apart. Her daughter was her eldest. Kelly never kept a job long enough for it to have a positive financial impact, lived off of her much beleaguered second husband thus stretching his meager salary to the point that it had stretch marks and spent his hard-earned money quicker than he could earn it. She always had her hair done, her nails done, a full pack of cigarettes and booze in the fridge. Bills and living expenses were always an afterthought presuming they even entered her mind in the first place. Kelly was always so entitled, she literally believed that she should be paid just for existing and the world owed her just because she was here. Despite having a four-year degree and being qualified for numerous jobs, Kelly was always perpetually unemployed or on extended “sabbaticals.” She was just so eternally lazy that she never wanted to work. Her financial irresponsibility led to her kids often going without the bare necessities i.e. clothes that fit, shoes that weren't too small, food to eat, living in a home that didn't have working central air and looked like it belonged on Hoarders. Since everyone else she knew had shut down her rampant sense of self-entitlement, she came to me. She didn't even ask, but demanded, that I part with my hard-earned money, my nest egg, to save her and her brood from potentially ending up homeless. She often resorted to the despicable practice of using her then-minor children to get handouts from people then would avoid paying back what she owed. In the time that I knew her, she was evicted from two homes and lost two others to foreclosure. Also, during that time period, she had two vehicles repossessed due to not keeping up with the payments and another totally stopped working because [surprise, surprise] she never had the money due to lack of employment and thus couldn't afford the maintenance. It should come as no surprise whatsoever, she tried to bum rides off of anyone she could, including me. When I told her no, she's would throw tantrums that would have embarrassed a toddler. To equate her horrible personality with her equally horrible credit rating, would be a fair comparison. Because I am adamantly child-free by choice and single, she went off on me for not helping “a mother in need.” I remember she said verbatim: “If you have all that money to go and do things, then you can just give it to me.” I couldn't believe that she was so brazenly entitled or that she didn't even try to hide her true selfish nature. I told her, in no uncertain terms, that it was neither my responsibility to pay her bills for her nor was it my fault that she had two kids she never wanted or that she hooked up with some rando off the internet and got pregnant because she wasn't on birth control. She was aghast that I called her out and then told me she was going to go rat on me to her husband. I told her to go and do it. I told her he had my number and he was more than welcome to call me up and I would explain everything, factually with no embellishment, including how she spent her afternoons while he was at work. My thinly-veiled threat of exposing her extramarital affairs--I admit it was just a shot in the dark and I had no idea that I had unknowingly struck gold--rendered her dead silent. It should come as no surprise whatsoever, that the dreaded phone call never came and she probably just ranted to him about what a butthole I was until he told her to shut the frick up. I did hear through the grapevine, that her kids eventually grew up as children do, cut contact with her and she has also been barred from seeing her grandchildren. I also heard that her and her hubby (her youngest’s father) are, despite all odds, still married. I say a rosary for him every night. He needs all the help he can get.

[@PinkMarshmallows]

A 40+ yr old woman acting this way doesn't surprise me at all. A lot of woman that age, who are not married, act like this and worse. Hell, I had/have a 40+ yr old woman (who is a "relationship guru" here on youtube) stalking me, harassing me, and she even doxed me.

[@Deedoof]

That's why people assumed OP was marrying way younger, lol.

[@KarmatheCorgi]

Man, I've seen 12-year-olds with more emotional maturity. Sheesh! Some people man... they worry me deeply.

[@yaqbulyakkerbat4190]

I really don't understand why everyone is villifying op's mom. What is evil about "I'm happy you're recovering and happy again"? I mean. Is op obligated to remain sour, mournful and alone the rest of his life?

[@tallyp.7643]

If anything, she deserves an award for Best Character Reveal (Supporting), because if not for that dinner and that comment at that time with those folks present, OP probably would've married her and thus begins the downward slide to hell.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

My thoughts exactly! OP's mom is a n extremely kind soul and an absolute hero in my eyes. And I bet those people do think that once you're widowed, you're supposed to be sad and lonely for the rest of your life. Which is a miserable existence quite frankly. I would absolutely want my partner to go on having a wonderful life without me, whether they'd found someone new to love or not.

[@RuminatingRaptor]

Exactly. She did nothing wrong, she’s the hero of the story. It’s probably just other people, like the ex, who are pissed that mom exposed the evil.

[@MrJpaynebb]

Mom just made an innocent comment about her being happy that her son is happy again. That's how I interpreted it. Sometimes a comment really is exactly what it looks like. How his ex responded to it was her own fault. It wasn't a trap or set up.

[@katie6731]

​@@PrincessQ-fj9ly😆 I've told hubs that I want him to find love again when I'm gone (I can't handle the thought of being without him, and my body is so screwed up that it's more likely that I'll go first, anyway). After a tasteful interval, of course. If he moves on immediately, or doesn't open himself up again, I let him know I'd haunt his ass. 😁 He responded that he'd keep me around by never dating again, then. 😄🥰 I'm glad that OP was able to let someone into his heart . . . and that he kicked her to the curb when she proved to be rotten. He probably should have paid a bit more attention to her "What if . . . " comments at the beginning. He obviously wouldn't have cheated or dumped his wife for Amanda. However, hindsight removes most ambiguity; OP did the right thing for himself, his children, and his family at the right time.

[@JSainte17]

"If I apologize, we'll go back to normal?" No remorse, doesn't even see the problem, and only wanted to apologize if it helped her. Vile.

[@Mama_Bear_of_3]

If one feels like they have to compete with a deceased spouse, then they should not date a widow(er).

[@Lestaticate]

The fact that she still thought she was still getting married after that conversation ...

[@dianasmith8248]

Yep. In addition to being insecure, she is obviously a very delusional woman if she thinks like that. She also isn’t a nice woman. If she didn’t think she did anything wrong in saying what she said. It may take a while, but probably within a year or two OP will realize that the Amanda that he loved never really existed, and that he is much happier without her in his life

[@shellchenonceau6987]

Anyone who could say that to the kids is unhinged and cruel. If you marry someone that awful you will ruin your life & the kids. Biggest red flag ever!

[@Zurround]

Its bordering on being a PURPLE FLAG which is even worse than a red flag.

[@DrawciaGleam02]

@@Zurround Why is a purple flag worse than a red flag? I haven't heard of the term "purple flag" before.....

[@hilaryc3203]

Her asking him if she were alive would they still be together when they first started dating is a red flag for me. That's insecurity and feeling threatened talking; he missed that flag.

[@Zurround]

@@DrawciaGleam02 I made up the term: You see, I live in a part of the world with extreme danger of forest fires. Six years ago I lost my home, almost everything I owned, and barely escaped with my life due to a major fire. I now live in a city that is much safer and I will never again live in a forested area surrounded by dry trees. Due to global climate change hurricanes are getting so severe that some scientists have requested an official CATEGORY 6 designation as some of the storms are even stronger than the "category 5". Something similar to "category 6" mentioned above happened in my state. Fire danger got so bad that a new fire warning even more dangerous than "red" was introduced: PURPLE. Socially a "red flag" is a stern WARNING that a person or situation might be dangerous. A "red flag" means be alert and keep track to see if you get another red flag. But a PURPLE flag is an instant and automatic END to a relationship and if that happens (and you are wise) you will just END IT RIGHT THERE. A red flag can sometimes be a one off or a misunderstanding or something but a PURPLE flag is GAME OVER.

[@Zurround]

@@hilaryc3203 It is a BIZARRE question because the REASON they were together was that he was moving on with his life after his wife died and seeking new relationships and he would not have NEEDED to do that except for INFIDELITY. Basically she is asking him if he would have CHEATED on his wife for her.

[@carlrood4457]

Regarding OP's initial reaction: Dissonance is a real thing. Our brains do have trouble immediately processing things outside the of our range of expectations. The kids clearly had some pre-existing issues with the woman, so her comments made immediate sense to them. OP had a perception of her and the comment was so far out of bounds, he was shocked into inaction. Ever been preoccupied and take a drink of something, but you kind of forgot is wasn't what you usually drink? For example, it's root beer instead of cola. You're brain is expecting the taste of cola, but gets the taste of root beer. For a second or two, all you consciously can perceive is something is wrong. It's stuff like this that's the reason eye witness testimony is really unreliable. Everything we see, hear, feel, taste, etc. is tainted by our previous experiences, prejudices, and expectations.

[@tallyp.7643]

Well said. I figured also it was the shock of those words and thinking maybe he didn't hear them right, only to realize after processing everyone else's reactions that nope, she did say that. Hell, I had to rewind it after hearing it the first time--actually had the "record scratch" sound in my head after that sentence came up. Can only imagine how much that moment was like having the rug pulled out from under you only to have a big sheet of ice under THAT, too.

[@catmaxwell6691]

You’re not wrong. It’s like a shock, & shock is truly stupefying. Like a bucket of cold water directly on the brain. Takes a bit for reason to kick back in.

[@83gemm]

This happens to me all the time. I always realize later what I should have done but it’s like it doesn’t register in the moment.

[@madambutterfly1997]

What the hell is with people pursuing other people who already have kids from previous relationships if you don’t wanna be bothered being a stepparent

[@tallyp.7643]

My guess is she thought still-grieving widower would be easier to mold and control into the man she wanted him to be and the kids were half a step away from leaving the nest at their ages, anyway, so not much need to "parent" anymore. Considering the amount of stories of widower men who marry too bloody fast (even if his kids don't want it) and then starts pushing his own kids with deceased wife to the side in favor of new kids to come or stepkids... not that farfetched. And then they wonder years later why the kids never talk to them, while others are so dedicated to pretending they never had a life with their deceased wife that they don't acknowledge them or the kids at all.

[@VesnaVK]

Because it's a victory.

[@bessieburnet9816]

Exactly. Your spouse's kids aren't some other man/woman's things.

[@DrewLSsix]

There's no reason to think you need to or should want to step in as a parental figure, there are as many stories on this group about new partners that won't let it go when the kids or parent don't want them in that role and it's at least as damaging.

[@shawne7228]

​@@tallyp.7643She just wanted his money. He was gonna pay for everything and then she was going to divorce him. He was only her retirement plan

[@low-keydrama1260]

She basically told her future in-laws: “I’m happy your in law/family member died, otherwise I would have never gotten her husband to myself” She basically told her fiancé’s children: “I’m happy your mother died, otherwise I would have never gotten your father to myself” She basically told OP: “Im happy your wife/love of your life died, otherwise I would have never gotten you to myself” The relationship with OP, his kids, and the family shriveled up the instant she said those words with their meanings. The fact Amanda didn’t even apologize or considered that she said some wrong says even more about her and that’s not including her wanting to push her fiancé’s children away from him.

[@gimmeabreak6844]

He doesn't even realize her words were a window into her soul. That's why she thinks just apologizing will make it all go away. It wasn't just her words. It was showing who she really is and how she really thinks.

[@DarkShiftee]

We love OPs who actually do the right and smart thing almost immediately

[@Zurround]

No 2 stories are EXACTLY the same but I have seen stories that are quite SIMILAR to this on KZbin where the guy does NOT dump the messed up fiancee and over time she alienates the rest of the family who also end up hating him due to him ALLOWING the behavior through apathy and codependency and then when the relationship inevitably ends due to the toxicity he ends up VERY LONELY because he has already alienated his family due to their resentment of him allowing the situation to happen at all. The very first stages of that phenomenon actually happened in THIS story when his own daughter refused to speak to him for several days but he made amends to her and fixed that.

[@T-fo4wt]

Except for the part that he "still loves her" , a recurrent theme in these stories.

[@dianeessex300]

Why do so many people think you have to stop loving one person before you can love another? This never made sense to me.

[@aduckofsomesort]

Right? We’re not made of ones and zeros. Humans are complex.

[@damien678]

As a polyamorous person, I definitely agree, although I recognise I'm very biased with that 😂

[@persephoneszeliga]

HOLY SH*T. My heart literally DROPPED when the fiancée said she was glad the late wife died. Just horrible.

[@tallyp.7643]

Talk about the mother of all Freudian slips there... what's sad is in some way, she really feels that way others interpreted it to mean deep down.

[@jaredstar]

Opie should be giving his mother his heartfelt thanks. If she hadn't mentioned his dead wife the soon-to-be ex might not have shown her true face. And by the time OP noticed they might have been married and any divide that was present between him and his children might have been too big to overcome

[@NopeScope14]

It reminds me of an earlier story I think you've covered; the creepy woman who was obsessed with this guy since high school, waited until his beloved wife passed away, and then destroyed all of her mementos, THEN lied and gaslit him, his kids, and had the audacity to post to reddit trying to gain sympathy. OP here has dodged a nuclear missile and stepped up for his kids, even if he was a lil' dense in the beginning, the guy still came through

[@eldeano9964]

Was that the one where she burned all of the deceased wife's stuff, then convinced her husband that it all got lost/left behind in a move?.

[@noxiouschocolate9644]

Do you have the name for that that post or a link?

[@projectjupiter5523]

​​@@noxiouschocolate9644the video title begins with "I secretly destroyed my fiancé's dead ex-wife things and he doesn't know". on the off chance the story is real (this is the internet after all lol), my heart breaks for the family that the OP is trying to marry into

[@gimmeabreak6844]

I remember that. Fiance only found out because that psychopath's friend couldn't live with the guilt of knowing what she'd done and told him the truth. He dodged a major bullet and dumped her.

[@sarascarpati887]

Yeesh,i Remember that story

[@rylashadow18]

S1) Talk about relationship ending comments. She needs to be out of your life by yesterday. She's slowly showing everyone who she truly is. Believe it. Break things off with her, pack her up, move her out, get back the ring to pawn it, change all the locks and thank all entities you never married this monster. Oh heck no did she say house someone else's kids. She's the one that has no right to OP's home and who he lets stay there. Especially his kids. She was so ready to isolate, control, and use OP until she bled him dry. So glad she's gone. Disgusting.

[@D-M-K-1-2]

Story 1: "I can't blame her for being insecure".... Yes. Yes you can. What the hell was up with that comment trying to justify what the fiancee said?

[@amberleeannalee1999]

Insecure psycho hose beast like ops ex.

[@joaolima7131]

There is always that one comment going against common sense, it's irritating.

[@juliearmfield2634]

But he had to ask his son what he should do after 3 days of silence. It should be a no-brainer

[@DrewLSsix]

Insecurities are one thing, how someone chooses to act out about them is the point. The question of "if she had never died would you still be with me" is a bad omen, the truth is, no he wouldn't be with her. He would still be with his wife who would still be alive. Unless the relationship failed some other way which is just fan fiction at that point. The harsh truth is, we are mostly with the people we are with because they happened to be there and be somewhat compatible. The difference between your current spouse and some alternate history spouse probably boils down to any number of obscure decisions made by you and others, if you chose a different place to eat weeks before you met you may never have met.

[@sadtitties222]

​@@joaolima7131 So true! It doesn't surprise me in the slightest though. Reddit is filled with people still operating under the belief that the feelings of those who intentionally hurt others are just as valid or more important than the people they hurt. It truly is frustrating. 😑

[@thatjeff7550]

Over four years ago, my wife passed away. Several months after that happened, I had a similar talk with my adult kids, one that essentially said, "If you ever see me dating someone else in the future and it seems like I'm not like myself from before, you two have not only my permission but I INSIST you pull me aside and get on my case about it." I've seen far too many cases of friends and relatives who, after losing a spouse, get entangled with someone who is simply using them, either for money or some other support. I told them I'd rather be alone and miserable than have them live with some other woman that mistreats them. And four plus years later, I still believe that. It's like commenters in the post said, "Far better to feel a little bad now than to feel much worse later on and entangled with legal complications."

[@obi_like_kenobi]

So well said and kudos for being aware of the situation. I wish my uncle had thought about that. Instead he married a woman who doesn't let his kids stay over for more than 5 nights on any given visit. And even before that recent decision his wife made, he wondered why his kids didn't want to spend Thanksgiving with him

[@LordBison98]

Story 1: Who the hell says something like that?! This was absolutely insensitive, and I'm suprised OP needed outside perspective.

[@tallyp.7643]

I actually heard that "record scratch" sound in my head when that was said. Glad I wasn't drinking my coffee--I would've choked on it or spewed it all over the table in shock. My guess is he was mostly second guessing himself about whether he actually heard what he heard. It sounds too outrageous and absurd, but going over the scene and everyone else's reactions to it made it too obvious that he was initially right. It was his daughter being so hurt that snapped some action back into him and knocked the house of cards down that Amanda built.

[@sgtjarhead99]

"Amanda noticed the shift.....". Yep. It's called that moment you know you've done F'd up.

[@Hope_this_is_just_a_dream1994]

Insecurities or not, no one decent would say something like that, especially in front of your kids. That is absolutely disgusting. You did good getting rid of her.

[@paulagoeringer9466]

Make sure you change the locks. Toxic people are known to be retaliatory. Keep an eye on what stories she spreads.

[@victoriafernandez8183]

If amanda really cared, she would have been sad for her fiancee's sake. If she would've said something more to the effect of " i think it's sad what happened to you guys, but im glad that we found each other," then i think it would've been more appropriate. At the same time, i think if she had, i think it just would've masked the real problem.

[@TheMstrydude]

I like the guy who said "Amanda deserves better" After hearing she said, "I'm glad someone is dead".

[@AlexxeMJFAN]

The guy is Amanda, i'm 100% sure it's her

[@bobdrooples]

Three comments in two years. She's clueless but that doesn't mean she should have to like in an unchanging shrine to his dead wife or expect to live with his grown kids forever.

[@Michael.CrazedAlaska]

“Amanda deserves better” yea… no. Anyone that unsecure and cavalier doesn’t deserve sympathy or understanding. Amanda is a C yoU Next Tuesday

[@mavisvioleta]

There was a story of a lady who married a man who already had two small children, but she was very jealous of the deceased wife. So she took a trunk of memories that had everything from the children's mom, letters for them when they grew up, photos, trophies clothes, etc. And she burned them all! She confessed that to a friend and she told everything to the husband. Enough to said, the are divorced now.

[@AlexxeMJFAN]

She was not married, she was engaged. After like, 2 years of being with the widower. And she considered the guy's kids as her own too! OP was psycho af

[@ORGANPARTY]

If he hasn’t broken it off it would’ve ended up like the other story of the woman who burned her fiancés late wife’s things and tried to gaslight the fiancé and kids into thinking they left it all at their previous home

[@madambutterfly1997]

Amanda should’ve kept her thoughts to herself and go to therapy. To have so much jealousy and insecurities towards your fiancé’s deceased spouse is pathetic and disrespectful.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Yeah. And then to project all that onto OP, it really says A LOT more about her than it does about OP.

[@dtownblastinsalvi62]

I got a dark sense of humor I don’t see nothing wrong with it honestly I would hate to see y’all with me and my homies we get pretty dark a lot of my family has died from now that I’m 36 till then when I was 6 death has always been around my family for us it’s normal nothing is forever I joke about my brother dying I joke about my uncle committing suicide and a lot of my friends who’ve been thru the same also do always one is even a cancer survivor and he jokes about cancer I joke about it too since my mom has had it when I’ve been a kid for me it’s normal I’ve been at the door step of death getting shot and stabbed to me it’s funny

[@DavidWiseFAN199]

@@dtownblastinsalvi62 That's you. The rest of the world isn't you. The majority of the population (I say majority with a pinch of salt) is empathetic enough not to do or say something about a situation so sensitive, especially about someone who's passed. Heck, I'm a bona fide misanthrope. I hate, hate, hate, hate, HATE the human race, yet I would never be caught dead saying something so insensitive. Sure, I talk about how one good plague is all the difference between a perfect world without humans, but I would never joke about someone's dead relative. That's common courtesy. Even people without empathy can have it, so why can't you? Well, the answer is obvious, but KZbin will delete my comment if I so much as insinuate it, so use your imagination as you see fit. People like you are all the confirmation bias that I need. Nothing good comes from or has ever come from humanity. All good things are overshadowed by our selfishness and inability to put ourselves aside for the sake of others. Humans are trash and will always be trash. They breathe hypocrisy and are the actual devil. Humans are peak wickedness given flesh and blood.

[@knrdvmmlbkkn]

@@dtownblastinsalvi62"I got a dark sense of humor" etc. Your punctuation is absolutely abhorrent.

[@dtownblastinsalvi62]

@@knrdvmmlbkkn wanna know what’s abhorrent? Your last name Norder🤣🤣sounds like a vibrator

[@TheBlueDsc]

That comment about OP not being ready for another marriage because in their post they show they don't love her or whatever. Hmm, considering the reason OP is writing the post, I wonder why they don't come across as sunshine and rainbows about her. It is truly a mystery.

[@InDeathWeLove]

Yeah, it's kind of hard to infer anything from the way he talks about her in the post about her hurting his kid, insulting his dead former wife and insulting his sister and brother in law that he is obviously still close with after being in their lives over two decades already. Were they expecting him to talk about how amazing she is in a post about what she had done? Maybe they are right, but how they talk about her in the post can't be taken as representative about how he thought about her prior to her comments.

[@blah7983]

Odds are he probably isn’t ready, but we don’t know if/how that’s manifested Amanda can still be an insensitive dick while OP fails to recognize that he isn’t ready for marriage or currently capable of being a worthy husband . Not mutually exclusive

[@TheBlueDsc]

@@blah7983 sure, but that is impossible to know from the story, which is why the comment is so silly to me

[@blah7983]

@@TheBlueDsc That’s every single AITA post

[@kaitlynhall2112]

Story 1: if I was OPs children, I would have ended up in jail if my dad’s girlfriend said that.

[@juliearmfield2634]

One of the things that shocked me about him after she said that he had to ask his son what he should do. I mean seriously you have to ask your 21 year old what to do in that situation. 🤦

[@ronaldocruz4594]

@@juliearmfield2634yea that part p*ssed me off

[@Hiimreggie]

​@@juliearmfield2634it sounds like it didn't kick in at the moment

[@MaryTheresa1986]

​@@juliearmfield2634That part really peed me off. OP, you're a full grown man, so put on your big boy panties and stop making your son responsible for YOUR life choices.

[@thatjeff7550]

@@MaryTheresa1986 I don't think OP was sincerely relying on his son to give him advice. If anything, it was probably more of a, "Wow, this whole deal is a crapshow. What are your thoughts on the matter?" OP just needed a sounding board to justify his actions weren't going nuclear.

[@teenalot1235]

This low-key reminds me of that one story were the wife was so jealous of the late wife she destroyed sentimental items of the ex-wife, even going as far as destroying items she reserved for her children... These evil stepmothers need to chill fr 😠

[@LSnicket]

My wife was with someone before me. She was the love of her life but had a brain tumor and wasn’t going to live for long. When I met my wife, she was honest about it. And I said it was ok. A lot of times I felt insecure bc I didn’t want to be not enough for her or to not be as good as her former partner and not make her happy. I *was* insecure and I *was* afraid to not be good enough just like OP’s ex, but thinking about my wife’s happiness. And I was 18 and she was 20. Later on, my wife told me she couldn’t see herself being together with her late partner bc it now felt like a teenager’s love even if she knew she was totally in love and I told her they’d be together and their love would’ve evolved from their teenage selfs into something more adult-y and that she did love her partner and was loved back for her whole life even if her “whole life” was shorter than they wanted. So yeah, no sympathy for OP’s ex. I had no clue what I was getting into, not really, but I was an young adult back then and I figured it out without breaking my wife’s heart. (PS just to clarify bc I remembered the comment on OP’s story: my wife is the love of my life and I’m hers. We say it to each other all the time. But my wife also had another love of her life taken from her. One doesn’t exclude the other)

[@iononcantomascrivo]

Yikes! OP sure dodged a bullet. Better to have a broken engagement than an expensive divorce where she takes half of everything he owns. I knew someone just like Amanda. Let's call her Kelly. She had two kids, one from each marriage seven years apart. Her daughter was her eldest. Kelly never kept a job long enough for it to have a positive financial impact, lived off of her much beleaguered second husband thus stretching his meager salary to the point that it had stretch marks and spent his hard-earned money quicker than he could earn it. She always had her hair done, her nails done, a full pack of cigarettes and booze in the fridge. Bills and living expenses were always an afterthought presuming they even entered her mind in the first place. Kelly was always so entitled, she literally believed that she should be paid just for existing and the world owed her just because she was here. Despite having a four-year degree and being qualified for numerous jobs, Kelly was always perpetually unemployed or on extended “sabbaticals.” She was just so eternally lazy that she never wanted to work. Her financial irresponsibility led to her kids often going without the bare necessities i.e. clothes that fit, shoes that weren't too small, food to eat, living in a home that didn't have working central air and looked like it belonged on Hoarders. Since everyone else she knew had shut down her rampant sense of self-entitlement, she came to me. She didn't even ask, but demanded, that I part with my hard-earned money, my nest egg, to save her and her brood from potentially ending up homeless. She often resorted to the despicable practice of using her then-minor children to get handouts from people then would avoid paying back what she owed. In the time that I knew her, she was evicted from two homes and lost two others to foreclosure. Also, during that time period, she had two vehicles repossessed due to not keeping up with the payments and another totally stopped working because [surprise, surprise] she never had the money due to lack of employment and thus couldn't afford the maintenance. It should come as no surprise whatsoever, she tried to bum rides off of anyone she could, including me. When I told her no, she's would throw tantrums that would have embarrassed a toddler. To equate her horrible personality with her equally horrible credit rating, would be a fair comparison. Because I am adamantly child-free by choice and single, she went off on me for not helping “a mother in need.” I remember she said verbatim: “If you have all that money to go and do things, then you can just give it to me.” I couldn't believe that she was so brazenly entitled or that she didn't even try to hide her true selfish nature. I told her, in no uncertain terms, that it was neither my responsibility to pay her bills for her nor was it my fault that she had two kids she never wanted or that she hooked up with some rando off the internet and got pregnant because she wasn't on birth control. She was aghast that I called her out and then told me she was going to go rat on me to her husband. I told her to go and do it. I told her he had my number and he was more than welcome to call me up and I would explain everything, factually with no embellishment, including how she spent her afternoons while he was at work. My thinly-veiled threat of exposing her extramarital affairs--I admit it was just a shot in the dark and I had no idea that I had unknowingly struck gold--rendered her dead silent. It should come as no surprise whatsoever, that the dreaded phone call never came and she probably just ranted to him about what a butthole I was until he told her to shut the frick up. I did hear through the grapevine, that her kids eventually grew up as children do, cut contact with her and she has also been barred from seeing her grandchildren. I also heard that her and her hubby (her youngest’s father) are, despite all odds, still married. I say a rosary for him every night. He needs all the help he can get.

[@ScurvyRascal]

If his late wife was the love of life, he's no business getting with someone still looking for theirs. That's how jealousy and insecurity happens. Widowers need to flock together.

[@VidWatcher01]

This reminds me of the story of the one lady who was rngaged to a widower & because she was so insecure she destroyed pictues of the OP's wife, her belongings, her gifts to OP & his kids. She went out of her way to erase the OP wife & got found out & promptly kicked out & erased herself

[@holeymcsockpuppet]

Finally!!!! Someone listened to Reddit advice about this kind of situation! Family saved! Mad respect for this guy👍🏆

[@amberleeannalee1999]

Sounds like Ops wife threw away stuffed toys burned pics and toy horses CRAZY. That was an insane story

[@MaryTheresa1986]

I remember that story! I was so heartbroken for the kids! I hope they're doing well, or as well as can be expected.

[@AlexxeMJFAN]

YES ! that story's still in my mind since i read it (months!). I was thinking about this while reading the story, i was like "oh no.. OP's fiancée will be like the OP on this mental story if he keep on the engagment"

[@AuskaDezjArdamaath]

What a vile woman. Thankfully, that faux pas she did at dinner exposed her for who she was and OP acted on it appropriately for the sake of his children and his wife’s memory.

[@JasmynSundayrose]

If I was OP, I would of called it off at the dinner table when I saw my kids face when she said "I'm glad she's dead." comment

[@mrbas5150]

Mate the rot in the relationship has set in with her callous comment about your late wife. Better off ending your relationship with her immediately.

[@elzettedonaldson7777]

I am dating a widower. And the fact that he was with his wife for 18 years untill she passed away, actually gives me MORE security in the relationship than less.

[@spicedcoffee9902]

I cannot even believe that some I insecure people even get in serious relationships. Like how are you gonna compete with the dead?! Accept it, yes if his wide hadn't died he'd still be with her, and no he's not about to leave you for her ghost. Chill out!

[@coreymartin6486]

"Why arent you willing to fix our relationship?" Gaslighting and lack of accountability. You cant fix somebody else's lack of empathy.

[@starlingswallow]

If I married a man with kids who had a wife who died, I would honor that late mother in the most beautiful ways. I would _never_ try to replace her, I would comfort my spouse and his children when they are grieving their mom/wife. What she said was disgusting.... I'm floored. 😢 The fact that she hasn't apologized is a glaring red flag!! RUN, OP. RUN.

[@MisterNightfish]

Amanda is a great example of a person who just does not want to be happy. What positive outcome is there to her question if the wife was still alive, would OP be with her? Why be jealous of a dead person? Why try to alienate a dad from his children? Why not just let yourself settle into the family? Nobody was pressuring her to do more than she wanted to do, but it's delusional to expect a father to throw away his kids for you.

[@io5897]

When my father started dating after my parents separated, he told me that when he used to talk to women he always said, "We can be together if you're ok with it, but imma put my son as my first priority", this was back in 2012 or 2013. Ever since, he told me that no woman will be as important as the safety and well-being of his children. Well, now my dad is with a woman who loves him as much as he loves her children and vice-versa, and now they have a little girl together this year. I'm happy that he finally met someone who accepts him for who he is and that accepts him with baggage because she also has kids of her previous husband (2 boys). Now, my little sister is well protected not only by her two brothers on her mom's side but also she's protected by an older brother (me) and older sister of my father's side. If you're gonna date someone that has kids, be prepared to get rejected, insulted, and flat out denied from their lives if you wanna stay with the man/woman that you're dating.

[@vidaapplebee8388]

Someone else's kids? Those are your kids!! Smh!!!!

[@Tiogair]

It always shocks me when I hear stories like this, like how did you not expect to house “someone else’s kids” when you got with someone who has kids with someone else??

[@cvianna1]

I think ES in the story about the widower. OP and his folks for rubbing the first wife in fiancee's nose at dinner (inviting late wife's family to dinner and not expect her not to feel uncomfortable?) She's an AH for pressuring the kids. Everyone sucks.

[@jakeand9020]

"I didn't know you expected me to house someone else's kids for the rest of my life." Umm, that's kinda part of the deal when you get with someone that has kids. They don't stop being their kids when they become adults.

[@ikemcclane6369]

I like that you have timestamps for each part, different stories and comments.

[@HaleyJo1992]

The fuck?! You can only say you're happy someone died if they're an absolute monster, barely a human being. Holy shit.

[@clairebear-96]

That comment about her probably getting rid of all the late wife’s things, getting a new house etc, really hit home for me bc that’s what my dad’s wife did - they got married less than 2 1/2 years after my mum died (I know he met the new wife after mum’s passing) and she immediately got rid of all the family photos, all the furniture my mum had bought, and replaced it with all her own stuff. I didn’t even live there anymore but just hearing about it from my younger siblings was so painful, I’m so glad OP dumped her bc she probably would’ve turned out like my dad’s awful wife lol

[@McBruce999]

There is no coming back from what she said. No amount of apologies is going to turn away that pain she caused. Amanda was just pretending to be a good person and successful enough to distance OP from his kids. Amanda's statement about not willing to take care of OP's children was the nail in the coffin. She showed him what her true intentions were.

[@jmhaces]

Imagine telling a guy you want to marry that you didn't think you were expected to house "somebody else's kids" when the kids and the house are his.

[@ByBreadpan]

"Amanda deserves better"?? Wtf?! She said she was glad someone DIED

[@Alissandre_Iskander]

She let her true feelings slip. I feel so bad for all that heard it. His mom inadvertently helped OP dodge a bullet and his son helped his dad to let what happened really sink in. Also, that "someone else's kids" statement.... They're not simply someone else's kids... They're *his* kids. The frick?!

[@melissawittman]

Story 1: I lost the love of my life to cancer. I will always love him. OP needs to dump her NOW.

[@elizabethfergerson7026]

Story 1: What gets me the most about Amanda is that she never apologized for her comment. Sometimes fate can be horrible, so the best and amazing things can happen. So, I can understand where her comment came from. But, she said it horribly and didn't apologize when everyone got quiet and upset. She tried to pretend it was a joke. I would end the relationship just based on that. Plus, she never apologized afterwards either. That isn't right.

[@Germania72]

Another case of "she never behaved like this before", but the OP was blind to her cunning ways.

[@tallyp.7643]

Definitely a case of "she's never behaved like this before...around me". He just didn't recognize the quiet part until that dinner. She already had some hints of insecurity, just kept it aimed at the kids who were the reminders of his previous life and source of her frustration. And an added bonus, if this dinner hadn't happened and they went to dad with their concerns about her and what she's been doing without proof, THEY would've looked like 2 kids who can't stand to see dad happy again, driven a wedge, and Amanda would've won.

[@TheAlphaDingo]

obviously a reason why she was single at that age - clearly a lot of insecurities there that she needs to work through. Glad OP did right by his kids. Seen too many parents neglect their kids for the sake of a new relationship or marriage.

[@catmaxwell6691]

I have said some really stupid poop when I’ve been nervous, but saying *that* in front of the dead mum’s kids was awful, & unforgivable.

[@eldeano9964]

Christ, pRedditors still making excuses for fiance because 'insecurities' .

[@PinkMarshmallows]

OP needs to pack her things for her (and record it) so she doesn't try and steal nor break anything on her way out.

[@albertgongora6944]

This is my honest opinion about the whole entire story I'm proud that the original poster stood up for his kids stood up for his deceased ex-wife and kicked his ex-fiance out of his life too because in all honesty anybody who's willing to disrespect the memory of my wife in front of my children is somebody that I don't want in my life especially if my children are showing me signs that this person is toxic and they're trying to kick my children out of my life thinking that they have no right to be in the very home that I make sure that they were able to always feel comfortable in and come to when they need somebody to listen to them which would be me their father and wanted to feel close to my wife she was you know sadly deceased at that time and I hope that never happens I hope we can both grow old together and see so much progress from our children that we had together but you get the pointbut rather than that good for the original poster for growing some balls being there on their kids side and throwing that bitch of a woman out of his life like I said but the thing that kind of threw me off guard was before the update was that last top comment going off of some entirely different story I guess they meet up in their mind after taking some mind altering drugs because I don't understand where they were coming up with all these other parts of the story for apparently the original poster was trying to make his ex-fiancee fill an adequate which led up to the situation of why she did what she did and all that other stuff that they were talking about and it was just like to me like dude what story did you read and what alternate reality where this happened maybe that's just me but yeah this is why some people shouldn't be allowed to judge these stories of their trying to take the side of the terrible person that's in the wrong but the only other thing that made sense to me was maybe this was somebody that knew the ex-fiance and they were just pretending to be a random predator that way they could defend them

[@smstnitc]

"someone else's children", uh, they are the children of the man you planned to marry! This is a package deal, all three or none. Duh. I was on the fence until that statement. There's no walking that back.

[@bessieburnet9816]

Yes, your spouse's children aren't some other man/woman's things.

[@Dawghome]

I'm glad he decided to record it, he needed to know it

[@missmoxie9188]

That fiancé has a SERIOUS lack of empathy

[@zoe9190]

I would send the recording to the ex’s parents and warn them that under no circumstances should she ever have a partner who already has kids, as she will always be like this. I would be mean, and if i were her parents and received that recording, i would 100% show it to any partner she showed me that has kids no matter how old or young they are.

[@SapphWolf]

"She was struck by a drunk diver on her way home from work." "...to say that her passing hit our family hard..." I feel like an ass, but that particular phrasing kind of gave me a chuckle.

[@TheHomegirlHealer]

Story 1: I clutched my pearls hearing OP’s account of what his fiancée said to his family! He needs to run and never look back for her! Very mentally sick thing to say!😊😊😊

[@impishrebel5969]

People, especially Daughter, need to get over the fact that when someone says something so disgusting the initial reaction is going to be absolute shock and quietness until they can find their voice. Nobody at that level of shock is going to start screaming at a freaking dinner. That is in no way fair to OP who was most affected by the comment and practically gutted by it, he doesn't need to deal with others blaming HIM for what someone else said. Annnd this is why they bear some of the fault for it, they needed to open their mouths and not wait around for OP to "notice" they should have TOLD HIM. It's so frustrating because they had a parent that LISTENS to them and when I was 16 in the same situation and actually *spoke up* about what people were saying and doing, my mother was definitely not on my side.

[@bessieburnet9816]

Exactly!

[@DevilFruitZero]

"I no longer love you, you are dead to me, GTFO." Only acceptable reply to her final comment.

[@trilbynhiss]

I can't believe someone during that dinner didn't gasp and say "oh my god!" when Amanda said that. I know I would have.

[@katiegeorgeripia]

It's always sad when parents don't see the red flags before their children get hurt like this

[@lisawhereisthecultjam]

He should have said something immediately. Wow. That’s insane.

[@pickle_pup8187]

OP needs to change the locks. This is a safeguard. Also needs to change any passwords she was aware of as well.

[@MrCovi2955]

"If your spouse hadn't passed, would you still be with them today?" is a cruel and selfish question. What they're saying is "I'm better, right? You would have divorced her for me." What they're looking for is validation that they're the best thing that's ever happened to you. What they're doing is dancing on the grave of someone you still love. If she hadn't already asked that question, then I would have shrugged off the insensitive comment about "I'm glad they died so I could be with him" as a really poorly thought out, insensitive joke about how happy they are to be getting married. But combining that with the first deliberate and selfish question, its apparent that she has zero respect for the man's previous marriage and probably doesn't care about his kids (because they'll always just be a reminder of that other marriage). Don't marry her, let her find someone who can be her first-and-only. Because that's what she really wants, so you will never be enough.

[@telinhajp]

Good afternoon, Mark and Poppy! Wishing you both have a relaxing Sunday! ❤️🤗

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Have a lovely week m8💜💜🤗🤗

[@sinistersilence489]

I recently moved into my own place, and I’ve been feeling really lonely and bored today. Been binge watching your videos today and it’s got me through. Thank you

[@carolroberts4614]

I hope you get settled soon! You couldn't have a better community than this one for company!

[@cynicalrabbit915]

Story 1) Fiancee says she's glad former wife is dead. You would be the AH if you don't. I would have immediately taken her home and told her it's all off.

[@chryssesandchaos]

If you're dead spouse is "the love of your life", it's best to not get into any relationship, specially if you have kids with "the love of your life", it will always cause insecurities to the current partner, same with single people there, do not date anyone who calls their deceased partner "the love of their life", look for someone else.

[@quartzskull8772]

No matter what she would be the love of his life and it was not a relationship that was ended just like the question "if she was still alive would you be with me" obviously fuckin not cause they were happy together

[@Bala_Niranna]

I dont get people who date widows expecting them to act like divorcees

[@jessilyngray1223]

It's the I didn't think I'd have to house someone else's kids that got me. Holy hell...

[@anonymousinternetperson]

Geez Amanda sounds absolutely batshit crazy, I mean competing with a dead woman?!?! For crying out loud!

[@madambutterfly1997]

He just said that he wasn’t gonna give details about her passing and then immediately says she was a victim of hit-and-run

[@notevenlistening6072]

That's not overly detailed. No references to suffering, or how long she lingered. No mention of fire or blood. Pretty basic

[@indyfmw]

That's pretty vague...

[@VesnaVK]

The point is, it's way more specific than you would expect after such a dramatic preface. He said it was a drunk driver and that she was on her way home from work. Vague might be "died in an accident."

[@iamthebadwolf7296]

I think it’s fake.

[@TheOddityFair]

Gosh, if you’re in a relationship w/ someone who lost their spouse/SO prematurely don’t expect to take their place. Heck, don’t expect that period. Each relationship is unique b/c people are unique. What you had w/ one person won’t be exactly the same w/ another. It won’t be what came before, but it will still be great in its own way.

[@ZoeAlleyne]

Why did you need your 21 year old son to tell you how wrong this is? Why did it take days? Did he go without saying anything for DAYS? While his daughter ignored them? Seriously!?

[@ladymorrigan5950]

Wow! I couldn’t move past a statement like that. It’s a terrible thing to even think much less say out loud. It would make me wonder what other things she’s hiding. I don’t understand the jealousy over a deceased partner. That person is gone & never coming back. You never have to deal with the ex- partner drama that exists in some other situations.

[@kathleenmcfarlane2555]

OP needs to call off the engagement and end the relationship. If he doesn't he'll lose his kids.

[@x1tekja]

There are some implorable evil people out there Period I'm glad OP saw her for what she is

[@dedrickjackson3556]

That last comment on story 1 jumped through so many hoops

[@bangeryun94]

I've heard this story with a bit more detail. Fiancée attempted to get the oldest son out of the house. She died her hair and got tattoos and knicked a pair of his late wife's earrings.

[@AlexxeMJFAN]

Amanda truly sucks for EVERYTHING.. It's really cruel.. OP, his kids and his mom are amazing ! Yes, his mom made a mistake, but she did apologize AND felt bad, i'm sure she didn't do it on purpose.. I'm so happy and glad that OP made a good choice, for his kids. He deserves to be happy with someone who will love him AND his kids, not making a separation between them, like Amanda tried to do.

[@webshiva]

Story 1: NTA - but get into counseling to see if/when you are ready for marriage. As insensitive as Amanda’s comment was, it was an unfiltered comment that she probably regretted the moment she said it. That comment and what the kids said about her doesn’t mean she would be a cruel, possessive wife. It just means that she isn’t prepared to be a stepmother at this time. That might’ve been a reason to have a really, really long engagement. Within the next 3-5 years, your kids will be launched and might have viewed her more sympathetically as your supportive partner rather than a replacement for their mother. BTW, recording the breakup was creepy and invasive. If you truly loved this woman, you could have found a way to let her down in a far more gentle way - perhaps acknowledging that your #1 priority at this time is being there for your kids and that during that time you feel the need to keep their mother alive in their memories so remarriage isn’t an option at this time.