I'm not queer | My struggles with the Gay Community

[@ecoron2721]

As a gay man who enjoys working on cars, home improvements, etc., I just consider these my hobbies and intersets and ones that anyone can enjoy (not male hetero-normative activities),The gay community is diverse and we are just part of that diversity!!

[@darnellhenderson2170]

I totally agree. That is the beautiful thing about being gay. Just be you.

[@LenHealsU]

You are so right Eco Ron! I love hiking, mountain biking, swimming, etc., etc. I even joined a Gay Outdoor hiking club. We actually climbed to the summit of Mt. Whitney, highest peak in the contiguous states.

[@nathanielleeson7263]

@@LenHealsU I go hiking, backpacking, paddle boarding, and yet still love to twirl my arms to Dua Lipa in my bedroom lol I'm proud that I'm well rounded and have a variety of interests!

[@MattMoore83]

The gay community is full of diversity and totally agree! Wonderfully said! I think what I got caught up in is my failure to connect to most gay men. I wonder if this is failure on my part.

[@pedroalgo3990]

@@MattMoore83 I think it´s easy to fall into this gay-sex--culture where we and alot of people fail to connect to other human beings, we always (I say we because I used to do this) Associate alot of activities with sex or who am I gonna meet or always that second intention and we forget we are a sole community and we are not as hated anymore, we have more in us than being gay, we love alot of things and can actually socialize with more people. I think we have alot to learn.

[@sonicxis4ever]

I feel like I'm looking at a mirror of myself when I watch your videos haha I don't feel like I fit into the gay community.....I try to go to gay spaces (bars, clubs) but I don't really like the drag races, i dont wear makeup or paint my nails, I've been to pride parades but I feel misrepresented because most people are half naked. I don't consider myself flamboyant or sassy...I'm just a man who likes men. I've always felt like a misfit whenever I said I dont watch rupaul or didnt know any gay slang...the gay community has to remember being gay is not a monolith and we are all different. Some of us like sports and drink beer,,,,some of us like to read...etc.

[@Not-Ap]

If it's any consolation your not alone in feeling this. I think many have felt this way and simple have never participated in mainstream gay culture.

[@jasonchou7289]

🙋‍♂️

[@MattMoore83]

Thank NA, I was surprised by all these responses. I was expected a lot of hate and getting total support!

[@akraen1858]

Come to Norway! My husband and I moved here after the constant whiplash in the US (we lived in many states: SC, VA, IN, PA, traveled all over too). The reason we're here is we're just people and we wanted to be around people who just treat us like people. We hike, have a small farm, enjoy our monogamy, aren't super extroverts. I was in the closet until 28 because I simply never wanted to be associated with flamboyance, I couldn't line myself up with the way it was portrayed. I don't judge others, but all the damn stereotypes were just never for me (or for my hubby, which is one big reason we clicked immediately). Once I traveled to Europe I recognized it's a much, much wider umbrella we are all under. The US has a very weird way of streamlining cultural norms and creating outgroups even in the 'communities' that are supposed to be helping those outgroups. For that reason we just couldn't see a future for us there. But yeah, in the US we've had the red carpet rolled out, free ice cream, creepy applause from strangers because we're holding hands. We've also been spat at, preached to, heckled. In our little farming island in Norway though nobody has ever blinked an eye, we never imagined just being part of society in a way that isn't propped up, no expectations are set, and no judgement levied. Interesting how KZbin put your video up on my recs, I see it's a year old, but just wanted to send some good vibes out your way and hope you don't feel completely alone. I've always figured there are tons of us, we're an iceberg, we go unnoticed until we're paired together in public. But we're here, we're not particularly queer, and we're just spreading good cheer

[@nathanielleeson7263]

I feel ya. I'm just a gay man that's it. I'm not Queer lol. I'm gay.

[@MattMoore83]

Exactly, just a guy you likes other guys! 🙂

[@teamtundra2619]

???

[@marth9660]

Thanks Matt. Every word you said rang true with me. I’m exclusively attracted to the same sex. I always was and I always will be. I’m not queer. Everything else is just “stuff” and I find very little to relate to in it. And my sense is there are many many gay men who feel the same.

[@MattMoore83]

It's nice to hear so many of us can relate! 🙂

[@teamtundra2619]

????

[@amber0290]

I’m a bisexual woman and I feel this so deeply.

[@Frichilsasta08]

I totally get it. I used to be fearful of stereotypical gay behavior, and trends...and sayings, and I was fearful because ultimately was uncomfortable with my sexuality. Now, years later, I'm comfortable with who I am, but these stereotypical things are still somewhat foreign to me and don't feel like I belong. Often, I feel alone within gay spaces...because our sexualities don't necessarily mean we have anything in common. I almost feel that I have to act a certain way or say certain things just to fit in. I know how you feel. As long as you're comfortable with being gay, and it doesn't stem from a place of self-hate, you should continue being yourself. You're not alone.

[@MattMoore83]

Thank you Jesus! After reading all the other comments. Rest assured your not the only one! 🙂Thanks for the advice and I will continue being me.

[@majerelynn]

Man I am so happy I came across this video. I was really feeling like I am the only person that feels this way. I am 51 and I've always felt like there is so much about the gay community that I haven't matched up with. I don't like to drink myself stupid. I don't like using drugs. I don't like lots of sex with some random person I care nothing for. When I've told people how I feel about it, they always give me this look and say, "Really?!". It's always made me feel like I'm an outsider in my own community. I feel like the most I have in common with the gay community (besides Drag Race) is the fact that I'm sexually attracted to guys.

[@jayg361]

Honestly there's nothing wrong with not identifying with "queer culture" tbh I feel like implying that there is queer/gay culture is counter productive. Let me explain, there isn't one queer/gay experience so to define our entire culture around one type of experience is a false narrative. Don't worry about fitting in any box. There's def. A larger conversation to be had on the subject but I'll be brief, this is an internalized desire for external validation which is a poison instilled in our society. Again a much larger conversation to be had on the subject. Just be yourself and don't shame others for their lifestyle and interest. You are "normal" but there's nothing wrong with being "abnormal" either, as long as you're not hurting or violating anyone else's autonomy.

[@MattMoore83]

Thank you Jay. I guess the theme is to be myself and no worry about where I fit in. It's ok to be queer or not queer. It's ok to be ourselves and be our own crowd.

[@jayg361]

@@MattMoore83 That's exactly correct! I was an outcast before I knew I was queer so at that point it was regular scheduled programing lol

[@tinysolarshack9615]

Hey Matt I get it. I was raised on a farm. Always done guy stuff and am attracted to guy in general. I knew when I was 5 that I was different I just didn’t have a name for it. I don’t fit well in the “Queer community “ either. Ya I love to cook or grill now and then, laundry no big deal. Drag and club stuff not very often if ever. You are not alone. I think it’s hard to find other guys like us in this current culture. Nerdy/techie, mechanical/ masculine doesn’t seem to be the online vibe.

[@jasonchou7289]

I think nerdy,twink....like me is more difficult live in this world.😩

[@MattMoore83]

Hey Tiny, I think the Queer Community is over representing the gay community in the world of entertainment. What about the others?

[@tastywitchbuns8750]

I actually really needed to hear this 💜 not all of us gay men make being gay our entire lives and who we are. Being gay is the least interesting thing about me honestly....wish others could get that lol

[@terrelljackson.]

I’ve noticed that this only seems to be a problem when gay men do it. I wonder where the frustration comes from.

[@teamtundra2619]

No one does

[@stuff1784]

I’m a really femme lesbian and I have felt like an outsider in the lesbian community since forever. I never had a tomboy phase, never played with boy toys, never cut my hair. I’ve always loved dresses, sparkly things, Barbies/Bratz, I enjoy makeup.. all that. It took me a very long time to figure out that I can be ME in any possible way and still be gay.

[@jaronbalderes7109]

I've never watched one of your videos except for this one. I used to be like you; I never thought I could fit into gay culture, but I moved to a large city and experienced it in all its forms. The nice thing is that gay culture isn't really "one" thing. It is expansive and is always changing.

[@MattMoore83]

That is terrific you found a place! I had the opposite experience, I felt I fit in the gay community until I moved to a big city. What I am learning is there are other groups in the gay community (As you mentioned). it's a matter of discovering them.

[@Jake-go7go]

Most people think I’m straight. But I’m gay as shit. I wished there were more gay men like you and me out there.

[@VOLTRAR]

Speaking as a gay guy myself I can relate to you with this Matt. I feel every person that comes out has their own journey with self defining what queer means for them. You don't necessary have to fit into the typical gay culture that is currently out there. Being a gamer or "Gaymer" I tend to be more incline to have hobbies that often don't fall into typical queer scene and sometimes get the sideeye from others for it but that is okay since that part of me is an extension of myself. My point is that you are not alone with these feelings as many others in the comments have said. All the best man. 😁

[@MattMoore83]

Thank you VOLTRAR! I have been reading other comments and it's surprising how much other there is out there like us. This video gave me up. All the best as well! 🙂

[@dixiechatty958]

I am considerably older than you but I have felt similarly from time to time. In the 70's I was not a big fan of disco and took a lot of heat for it. In something a little more up to date, I watched the first season of Drag Race and thought it was OK but thought it got boring and repetitive so I no longer watch it. There have been other instances along the way. Try not to concern yourself with it too much. Don't spend a lot of time trying to fit in. Just be yourself. It will make you much happier in the long run.

[@drewwho4512]

I just stumbled on your video and I can so relate to what you're going through. I'm open minded enough to being around people celebrating their queer identity and I try not to judge even though I do feel it's over the top at times. I probably come across as boring in their eyes. It makes it harder to feel like I fit in. At the same time I don't entirely fit in with those that are straight because I'm not straight. I just come across as straight for the most part. Most people don't peg me as gay even though I am. If they do I might be blind to it. I've learned to adapt to my environment by being myself. If that makes me seem boring relative to more flamboyant gays then so be it.

[@DanielSelk]

I totally get this, dude. It sucks that there's this thing out there that you "have to" be certain things in order to be gay. I'm not into the bar or club scene but many gays "expect" me to be, stuff like that. I avoid being part of LGBT things myself. Not saying those things are wrong either, but it's not ME. I just want to be an actor and live well in my life and be happy =) I'm not someone who's like anyone else cause I want to be ME. And I am unique and don't need to change myself to fit in anywhere. Stereotypes I feel have made a negative impact on our community cause many of the LGBT are not the stereotype at all.

[@MattMoore83]

Hi Daniel. I feel there this standard or expectation of being gay and some of get shammed for not following them. There is the stereotypes and the media is still driving them. If this went away, I think a lot more men would come out.

[@744156]

Hey Matt that's why it's great to have you here because you speak your mind about these kinds of issues and I commend you for it. I think Hollywood has been used to shape 'Queer' identify for everyone and everyone is unique. I struggled to come to terms with being gay because I felt like I was excepted to dress or act according to predefined stereotypes. I'm also really conservative and seeing the gay community over the years become more troubled and lonely is very disheartening. Why can't I just be a guy that does guy things and like guys?

[@MattMoore83]

You sounds like my twin! LOL. I have always been looking for that especially when I was younger. I think the entertainment is dominated by more of the stereotypes. It gave me a false impression of the community.

[@teamtundra2619]

Who does this

[@cary4603]

You are doing great with this Matt. Seriously. You are not alone in the awkward wake of not fitting into cultural circles. I was given a year where I could leave my original culture circle and I took that opportunity to explore and understand that which I always ignored. It was illuminating. But I found that despite the differences in the other circles I was exploring, I honestly did not fit there either. I am preparing to surface from a recent circle I thought I would really connect with but for the past 6 months it’s become clear that the comic collector environment is not my “circle”. I like comics but not that much. You may be in a similar boat. You are a unique individual because you think. You are not a mob mentality person. You have a perspective of what is right and wrong, strange and crazy, okay and obscene. Maintaining that personal integrity will always make you stand out from modern crowds as you don’t just follow. Yeah you have personal preferences that may not make you purely gay or Straight by modern cultural stereotypes, but seriously what does that matter when finding a person to share your life with, or even having people who will share their lives with you. In that case, what you have is the opportunity to find yourself with people who will, first see you for you, Matt, and not some stereotypical straight or gay or bi or queer guy. Secondly, you get to continue to be honest and explore what it means to be Matt, and you will have those of us as your friends willing to walk with and share in that walk with you. The reality is that we are also learning what it is to be who we each are, and a genuine community is willing to walk that life out together helping each other grow stronger while covering one another’s weaknesses with our strengths. Honestly, you are not alone in how you feel about this.

[@MattMoore83]

Greatly Appreciated Cary! 🙂I am usually honest and thank you for recognizing that. I appreciate the values you see in me and point them out. Sometimes you point out things I don't think so much about, but you are correct. You have great observations in people and a true talent!

[@Crazywryter]

Hey Matt! It's ok to feel how you feel. Just because they do rainbows and sparkles, doesn't mean you have to being part of the community. Shoot, I'm a drag queen and don't particularly care for rainbows all that much. Thank you for sharing. I would hope that you don't feel alone or that you don't fit in the queer community or if it makes you feel less gay than what you are.

[@WC0125]

Matt, Thank you very much for having the courage to address the issues you do. I sincerely appreciate it! You are in no way alone brother! As many have said here, I will echo it for myself. I very much feel the same way you do about who I am, my attractions and my identity. It is a frustrating set of circumstances as many in the now "mainstream" gay community are so judgemental of anyone that is not out, proud, embracing everying queer, waiving a banner and flaunting it in everything they do and say. Like you Matt I'm not wired to live my life that way. Regardless of what anyone else wants to label me I am this: I'm a gay man who likes being a man, I like my man qualities, I do stereotypical man things, like stereotypical man things but also like stuff and ebrace things many would say are not man things. I respect all that have the confusion, doubt, fear, etc. about their identity. I just know what I am and what works for me. Like you, I cannot force myself to try to fit in with those I want to by changing who I am. In doing so I lie to myself and others.

[@MattMoore83]

👊 Thank you so much for totally relating. I feel many gay men feel threatening by your statements when if fact it is not threatening. You are being you and loving yourself. Nothing wrong with being masculine. We need more guys like us to speak up.

[@danhastert6486]

Thanks for speaking for me. I have the very same ideas and feelings that you spoke of.

[@MattMoore83]

You are so welcome Dan! 😊

[@Jojoloon]

Matt, I can say, because I align the same way that you do, you're definitely not alone. Finding yourself is one huge process. Feeling like you have to categorize yourself is the worst; people who try to bundle others into a "group" just to satisfy some "norm" are vile. In the end, you're the only one that can decide who you are, or want to be. It's been a struggle trying to accept this and are still trying. Don't let the world change the light you have inside of you.

[@MattMoore83]

Amen Jojo. Only I can decide who I am and that last sentence was nicely said! :)

[@yazz2jazz313]

I totally understand how u feel Matt. It feels like now to be a stereotypical gay male u have to be 'woke' u gotta be against trump, u have to love lady gaga and u have to be very open about your sex life.Oh and the mannerisms have to be exaggerated and u gotta say 'gurl' alot..lol. I mean thats fine but it does come across as fake at times. u just have to be yourself...its not healthy to force ourselves to like or be into something we are not. There's many things about the queer community that is awesome...but there is alot that is very toxic and just sucks..so i don't blame u for not wanting to really be a part of it. It sucks to not feel like u fitting in....i tried to and it was fine for awhile but then it affected me as well. I think the queer community define themselves too much by their sexuality and maybe thats due to the many years of the queer community having to repress their true sexuality and their desires. Now there is so much more sexual freedom but like everything i think its now completely taken over. Being sexual and looking hot seems to be the most important thing in a stereotypical gay mans life now.

[@MattMoore83]

IKR?! I'm not WOKE or TRUMP supporter. well I am not wild on Biden for that matter. lol. That last sentence is so true. The standards in the gay community or damaging!

[@cozyafternoon7826]

I'm the same. I'm a gay guy and honestly I just don't get the whole culture around it. Just not for me man.

[@Pat7629]

I am 100% gay in terms of feelings and cannot relate either at ALL. It has caused a lot of frustration and depression for me over the years, which is now I have mostly straight friends.

[@jasonchou7289]

Sometimes feel like I'm alien,doubt myself at the same time... isolated 😔 Stuck between straight and gay community....so 😩

[@MattMoore83]

I sometimes feel like I'm on this lonely island and no one to relate with you. But rest assured you are not alone JPS!

[@MattMoore83]

Jason, I used call myself a gaylien. 🤣

[@inkreo65]

You are unique. You know that. It can be frustrating to be yourself sometimes because you want to fit in. You are honest and true to yourself because you have worked to figure out who you are.

[@MattMoore83]

Thanks James. 🙂figuring myself out wasn't easy as I thought that is something a teen does. Being gay/bi, it's definitely complicated.

[@nickshvedovski671]

Man, I can 100% relate to what you saying. I'm bisexual and I struggle so much to accept all this queer stuff. Honesty, I don't even want to. I'm just being happy with who I am.

[@resurrectedstarships]

Totally understand - they say it is easier for masculine gay men to fit into society and all that which is true HOWEVER, the does NOT mean we have it easier than other queer folk. It is much much harder to find a connection with others who are like us...sometimes to the extent where it is hard to even call ourselves 'gay' because of what our community pushes as the stereotypes. But it is important not to let this push us into the darkness of loneliness. When those connections do come it is one helluva ride!

[@borg9355]

I can relate to a certain degree since I have never been into drag shows for example. On the flip side I do like to dance so I suppose that is stereotypical for a gay man to like. You made me laugh several times in your video so I will see if I can return the favor. This is an old one and long. This man walks into a bar sits down at the bar and the bartender sees that he is somewhat upset. The bar tender asks him what is wrong and he says I found out today my father is gay. A few days later the same man comes to the bar again and once again he looks upset so the bartender asks him what is wrong this time. The man replies I found out my son is gay. The next week the man once again comes into the same bar and as before he looks upset so the bartender says "Doesn't anyone in your family like women"? The man responds yes my wife. lol

[@MattMoore83]

LMAO. I will tell that one to my fiends. Thanks for sharing.

[@douglasconner-worthy213]

Matt, I think I understand your feelings of confusion. As a Mental Health Counselor, and more importantly as a Gay guy, an older Gay guy, I do remember trying to fit in with "gay culture". But, what I have realized over the years is, and especially within the past 15 or so years, is that "gay", "queer", and all the fluid movements within and around, and even more pronounced with the advent of "Out and Proud" movements in the media, including the Wonderful World of Dizzy internet portrayals... we are constructed to feel as if we are supposed to join a club of Queerdom. Queerdom, however, is a blurred and fragmented Rainbow of not only sexuality, but the reality is there is NO one way to be anything, or anyone, other than who "we" know we are. Unfortunately, because Queerdom truly is a Somewhere Over the Spectrum, just like every other human reality, we find ourselves trying over and over to be some crystal clear portrayal of some certain identity, usually that which is most commonly portrayed. For example, it isn't uncommon in large cities to have a "gay ghetto" populated by "districts" confined to the "butch", the "hairy", the big, the bad, and even the scary, alongside the effeminate, the undefinable genders, well, a spectrum is a spectrum and "Birds of a Feather do tend to Flock together", but many, many, many of us, perhaps even the majority of us, do not seem to fit into one of the popularly defined groups, other than the basic "M2M, M2F, F2F"... I do not seem to fit into one of the maddening groups, but one thing I have learned, is that being who I believe myself to be and who I enjoy has allowed me to find friends of all genders and sexualities. Perhaps one thing we do tend to do, especially when we are younger or still testing the waters, is we "fear" associating with people who are unlike ourselves because we "fear" being identified as a member of "THAT" group! Just be yourself, you don't need to identify yourself as anything or anyone other than your true, happy, and honest self. For example, not exactly on the same subject, but when I was much younger (Disco Era Younger), I remember feeling "assaulted" when in a small gay bar in Panama City, Florida, a very attractive older man sidled up to me at the bar and his very first words after smiling and saying "Hi!" were, "Are you a Top or a Bottom"? My response was apparently peculiar and labeled me as questionable goods, simply because I said, "I didn't know I had to choose". Many years later, I heard the phrase (in a different context) "Don't sweat the petty stuff, pet the sweaty stuff". Somehow, that teeny bit of wicked wisdom allowed me to live a life much more comfortably than before!

[@MattMoore83]

I think metaphorically, I feel like I am in a room is this queerdom. I only see that because my view is totally distorted. I am know realizing that I need to change my view. I am aware everyone is different and there is other men who I can fit in with. Like you said: "Don't sweat the petty stuff, pet the sweaty stuff" is awesome advice and thank you for the comment!

[@marcos-ll2yr]

I feel you, I'm bisexual.4:16 I have gay and straight friends, is very hard to be feet in or be understood even in the LGBTQ+ community. Our community is diverse enough to embrace all the differences, is not the ideal yet (have a lot of problems). But you are not alone definitely. There's nothing wrong with not identifying with "queer culture".

[@MattMoore83]

Hey Marcos. yes, totally with you! Our community is so diverse but still needs to practice what it preaches.. :/ I'm thinking it's all the other issues impacted this... hmm

[@teardropsdude]

When I received my degree, one of the things my professor told me was how much he hates labels. In the "gay" community, so many things have changed, and it is no longer "gay" and "lesbian". I am not sure if people in general needs to fit into one type of role. I think we should positively recognize for people constantly bringing something new (or different) to the table. Labels, unfortunately, have a negative connotation, however, I guess labels bring balance to the world. There are so many stereotypes when people hear the word "gay". Like you, not sure where I fit in the "gay" community, other than where my heart is. Please do not force yourself to do something that is uncomfortable. You said it best, "If something tastes bad, you are not going to eat it". Aloha and hope things calm down and get smoother.

[@MattMoore83]

Hey tear drops! I agree. Wanted to comment on labels too. Labels are good and bad.... The way I see it is if there is too much labels, everything breaks down and becomes pointless. Like a tool chest. If there was a drawer for every tool, the tool chest would be giant and overwhelming. Pointless.

[@HawkinsZhu]

Wow, this hits home bad as a first generation Asian immigrant. It’s one thing to know that you might be rejected by the main stream culture, it is another thing to know that you might not be able to blend in in your own community. Sometimes self question follows and makes you wonder if you’re going to be fine.

[@MattMoore83]

I think we will both be fine. We may not be happy about the situation as there is things in life that just suck. You have a lot of struggles being the first generation but you will have so many stories to tell and be a super strong person.

[@jeffhorner5197]

Totally relate to what you say, Matt. I've always felt trapped outside of all worlds. I think of it like this: I'm attracted to -men-, to the masculine, not to the feminine nor effeminacy. Nothing against that, but I am -so- not attracted to it. Not sexually, not socially. I mean, that's why I'm in this situation to begin with. And what's doubly, triply frustrating is that I can never find anyone who's of a like mind. Let's go hiking, climbing, building, skydiving, AND let's cuddle - that's where I'm alone on my own island. Loved seeing your vid and all the comments. Thanks!

[@Tonikbelly]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts! In my opinion we all should be just humans, and your are just male human who is attracted to a human with the same gender, and it’s perfectly fine! Cheer up🤗

[@MattMoore83]

Thank you!! 😊😊

[@mattemery9575]

Dude, you be you. A HOT sensitive intelligent young conservative gay. You just continue on your path and the right man is right around the corner!!

[@christopher3d475]

I've always felt this way. I think there are a lot of men who are say bisexual or closer to being a Kinsey 6, who wouldn't label themselves 'gay' because of all the new cultural affectations applied to it.

[@TheAzeilbeck]

Thank you for saying what needed to be said. I think it’s easy for us to confuse “queer culture” with bar/circuit party scenes because they’re the most visible.

[@blairsmith4563]

Matt, most have said it below. Everyone has their own networks and hobbies. I find myself in my own world over here across the pond. From camping, travelling, working on outdoor projects etc. is what makes me who I am. You are you, and that’s all that matters. Keep doing what you feel is what makes you happy and never worry about what others think. Nice to see that smile again as well!! 😃🇨🇦

[@MattMoore83]

Thank you Blair! I will continue to be me! 🙂

[@blairsmith4563]

@@MattMoore83 if you ever need that listening ear or just want to vent, get in touch!

[@jason8445]

Man, I'm with you. I cannot get behind the LGBT community despite having a mixed sexual orientation. I hate the drama, the "woke-ism", the over the top, in your face displays, etc. You're not alone, brother.

[@jasonchou7289]

You have kid,happy family!👍

[@MattMoore83]

I totally relate dood. The community has been far left historically and caters into extreme left. That is difficult for me to relate to from the middle position. I get called hateful terms being politically indifferent especially from activists.

[@jason8445]

@@MattMoore83 Isn't it interesting that they claim to be tolerant, but the moment you say something they disagree with, they become grossly intolerant? It's great to know there are masculine gay/bi men that don't capitulate to the nonsense. As a man with a mixed sexual orientation, I appreciate your perspective. 😉 👊✌

[@xthecoalx]

I feel you so much in this video. I feel like I’m somewhere in the middle and I can’t relate to anyone really. I can’t even relate to straight men honestly. I’m not into sports or cars or any stereotypically “straight” and “masculine” things. But I also don’t feel I fit in to the gay culture, out and proud types either. It’s been a struggle. And when it comes to “queer” I like a video that a KZbinr named James Somerton did talking about it. I see “queer” and a blanket term to describe the LGBT+ community. Something that won’t need letters added to it constantly. And also it’s taking something that used to be used against is negatively and taking it back as a positive term. That’s how I see the term “queer” at least.

[@antartistube]

I know the feeling.. it feels like i don't fit in even with those that don't fit anywhere.. but I also believe there's nothing wrong with being gay and not identifying with the gay community.. Wishing you guys out there peace of mind until you find your perfect match!

[@MattMoore83]

Thank you so much dnlbrtt. The other day, someone was telling I'll find someone when I don't expect it.

[@antartistube]

@@MattMoore83 I wish you the very best,..! and may God help you find your perfect match! Many blessings, Matt! You deserve it! (-:

[@c1864tr]

I love the words you use for how you explain this So for me, being gay, in a way, means that I AM in the culture or heavily involved in it. But being queer just means being attracted to the same sex. And I’ll explain this with a story So I’m pretty masculine too, though if you look at me, you can tell there’s something different. So I had this person once say to me “People can’t tell you’re gay, but they can tell you’re queer” Additionally queer can also mean something is off or weird. And I generally give that impression to people, though they say it’s a good thing rather than a bad thing. I hope this makes sense to some of you guys

[@stacyholt6529]

❤️ Well said Matt. As others have said, we are not alone. I've never been one with queer/gay culture and it used to bother me. I've accepted maybe I don't have to be part of or fit into it. You nailed it for me. ❤️

[@MattMoore83]

Thanks Stacy! It's ok not too fit in! 🙂

[@VicTheFigGuy]

Matt, I often feel that I don't belong because I am gay in the sense that I am attracted to the same sex but it kind of just ends there. There is some strange expectation of how I should be, what I should like, or how I should identify politically just for being gay. And I don't meet those standards. I am often very uncomfortable at gay scenes and no longer attend any. I am saying this as someone who was very involved in the gay rights movement in the past. but I think it is fine. I think I am happier this way even if some people may think I have some sort of internalize-homophobia. While my sexuality is important for sure. It is not really something I arrange my life around or try to conform to stereotypes.

[@Pk-wu9tl]

I used to be feminine but evolved and settled to the middle of the diagram over time. I’m a man but with a flamboyant sparkle. I’ve found confidence in it.

[@BB-or8gi]

I don’t relate to anything in mainstream gay culture. The attitude, the sense of community, the partying, the life goals and activities - it’s all so “not me.” I’m nearly 35, I came out very young, I’ve been ready and willing this whole time, I’ve been with my fair share of men, but I’ve never found anyone that I seem to really love. I relate the straight men, and have found myself in love with a few of them. It’s a curse. Maybe one day well find the guy that fits us. It’s definitely frustrating and lonely.

[@Rage_Harder_Then_Relax]

Maybe you should join the mainstream then. Clearly the other way hasn't worked. Falling for your straight friends is never ideal, is it?

[@MrKry]

It's weird feeling different. Most times I feel like I'm not really one of the guys, not one of the girls either, not one of the gays haha I'm just me, but I can't really explain who I am to people, so I just go with the flow most of the time, I guess... I can take some stuff I like from each of the "cultures" but can't really relate to most of it. I guess with queer culture, my biggest issue is that I just can't relate to how lit queer people always seem to be. It's like everything is always overhyped, they way one dresses, the way one socializes, how there's an expectation for a constant openness to experience... Being more of an introvert I just feel weird around people like that, like they'll drain my energy way too quickly.

[@MattMoore83]

You gave me a chuckle -- did you mean by "lit" as in energized personality and in appearance? I honestly wish I had that. Queer people have labeled me as dull or boring. lol. I totally relate to the too much energy draining you.

[@MrKry]

@@MattMoore83 Yes, that's what I meant. I guess it's good to be able to get hyped about things sometimes, but if it's the only mode you have, people will get tired of it just the same. I find quiet people much easier to relate to, in general. Most over-energetic people I know will just jump from friend to friend and pretend they never met me if they haven't seen me in a few months xD

[@DannyRayqu]

I've always understood it as, queernes is simply what makes you unique, not necessarily that you need to dress in drag, or say slay, simply that you are you and the fact that you are not straight/like most, makes you queer

[@chuckcarson7972]

Who is on the 6 o’clock news during Pride? Lesbians on bikes. Dancer boys in g-strings. Drag queens. They deserve to be proud. But the media holds them up as what all gays are/should be. We’re all hair dressers, decorators, party planners. We’re basically jokes to them and it’s getting old

[@MattMoore83]

Thats gave me a chuckle but yes - they do deserve to be proud. I'm happy for them and proud of them being theirs elves. The media represent gays as stereotypes. ughh.. We're all the above, not A,B, and C.

[@gator_Trey7_repper]

Good Topic Matt! I don’t think that you are in a lane of your own bud, although it may feel that way to you man! I definitely don’t fit into a lot of the things with the gay culture but I do know that I’m attracted to men. It’s like not all “straight” people fit into one certain culture. We talked about a scenario that I was in a few weeks ago where this guy said that I was trying to be too butch and I’m like wtf is that. I’m me, I’ll continue to be me and I’m not changing just bc my gender attraction changed. I have friends that are however they are and I don’t judge them for that but they also know how I am. I say just be yourself and you’ll eventually find others or that someone that get you & that’ll matter more to you than the things that you don’t fit into. Sorry about the long response 😂

[@MattMoore83]

Yo gator. 😊 We're pretty similar I feel (though I wish I had your up beat energy all the time). You mention the butch comment, that frustrates me as I had a similar experience and a gay bar in Seattle. I cam in there and a few guys said why are you hear? They thought I was straight!

[@donaldstanfield8862]

It seems like the more we try to get away from labels, the more we get piled on! It's frustrating, for sure. Love your diagram, btw...LOL

[@MattMoore83]

LOL -- ikr? Not the most scientific but ya know... lol

[@jasonchou7289]

I have same problem.... I'm not interested in drag queen, feminine things.... But I respect queer community. Sometimes feel like I'm alien,doubt myself at the same time... isolated 😔

[@MattMoore83]

Hey Jason, I respect the queer community too but just not in that crowd and that's perfectly ok! I jokingly say I'm a gaylien. 👽I use to fantasize about having a group of friends like me with similar interests.

[@jeremiahallyn4603]

Man, I am the same way you are. I don't get into drag queens, the "gay culture" or any of that stuff. I just like guys, a lot, lol. Don't feel like you're alone, because you definitely are not ❤✌

[@jasonchou7289]

So am I.🙋‍♂️ finally, I don't have to worry this problem.

[@MattMoore83]

Hey Jeremiah! It's ok to not fit in but more importantly to be ourselves.

[@stevec404]

Maybe it's because I 'came out' quietly after a long lifetime - 66 years old at the time - that I also never thought of myself as anything but a guy interested in guys. 'Gay' seemed to fit. In my youth, 'queer' was a derogatory term, so I am not queer, and never will be. I also do not resonate with anything that the gay community has to offer that is outside of my (closeted) straight experience. Maybe I've missed a lot....maybe not? You are not alone!

[@MattMoore83]

Hi Steve, thank you for your post. Sadly, I think that queer certainly can be used as a derogatory term. :/

[@stevec404]

@@MattMoore83 - Queer by definition is "strange, odd, to spoil, ruin". Derogatory? Yeah! 🤔😉

[@Rage_Harder_Then_Relax]

@@stevec404 Yeah but we've taken it back. And rightly so!. You're still a straight so you will never fit in. LOL

[@JDCullison1]

I am a gay software engineer and gamer. A gaymer. I like anime and video games and cooking and writing code and fixing stuff and I'll even play with fixing cars when the need arises. I am not in the business of making my sexuality the primary focus of my life. I like how my first boyfriend described being gay: "It's something to do." Not something to be. So I do gay, but I "am not gay" -- but try to explain this to people, so I'm gay. It easily describes my sexual preference, but it hardly describes me.

[@zisforzoo16]

Tbh the gay community is so large…there are so many people out there that do a vast array of things so many clubs and groups out there…softball leagues, rugby leagues, there are literally gays that play dnd…also what about lesbians? What about trans people? The community is super large you don’t have to only mingle with queer men…you can have fun with all sorts of people…but I do understand this to a degree…

[@MattMoore83]

I think it's location location location. Most of what you mention can be found in larger cities and that is terrific... but What every where else? The community is large but concentrated in cities. What's rural guy to do? I love the country but present isolationism. :/

[@DJWhovian]

This is something I've grappled with for a bit. i wouldn't say I was ultra masculine, have no interest in cars or sports really but I don't really get drag or most stereotypical gay lifestyle/culture. I am attracted to masculine men who workout and suppose are 'straight acting'. I do really enjoy theatre and gay media in books, TV and film, but still struggle to feel part of the wider gay community. I also don't like the word 'queer' being used so much now because I feel it devalues the experiences of those who have suffered and died because of that word.

[@MrRorosuri]

Hugs from a homoromatic asexual guy.

[@MattMoore83]

Thank you 🤗

[@DerrickJohnson56]

The problem is you are who you are and you like what you like but the mainstream perception and visibility and popularity is skewed in one direction.

[@MattMoore83]

Hi Derrick, I think the media is playing into stereotypes. It's offensive to be honest.:/

[@andrearodriguez5512]

I am a mother and if you were my son I would tell you just be you bc there is more to you than just who you prefer to be with just be yourself and the right person will gravitate to your beautiful personality you are amazing sweetie don't put yourself in a box just be you love and best wishes

[@MattMoore83]

Thank you Andea! :)

[@crim-jim6814]

Bro I’m feeling the exact thing rn, the worst part is that I can’t even relate to liking women at all… smh.

[@jirwf]

The arguments & disagreements I’ve had when my “queer” friends criticise me for being disgustingly heteronormative….. I’m just a guy who likes other guys…. I don’t need to fuck everything that moves. Go on parades in my underpants. Dye my hair blue. I just want to love who I want to love.

[@ahkiv6127]

I agree with your thoughts, as I am the same!

[@alexanderirizarry-camarill6277]

Oh wow, I had no idea so many of us feel this way. I live in Los Angeles, and I can tell you I have no idea what gay culture is like? No clubs, no pride, no calling friends, Girl. It just isn’t me. I’m not saying any of these thoughts as a put down, rather it’s just who I am. I would love for people to see two dudes who seem like brothers,buddies, not trying to guess who the guy or girl is in the relationship. I’m very physical, so I’d love be to playful and wrestle around. I’m also not into into fashion. Heck, I have clothes that I continue to sew and patch up when they get holes- just comfortable that way. Hey, I do know when to clean up, and wear my education from UCLA and Pepperdine well. Been told I was a “catch.” But, I’m not a model for GQ magazine anymore, consider it more Field and Stream, jk. I love cars, get dirty as well as riding motorcycles in the dirt. I am very clean and organized, but I got that more from my parents. I’m sure there are clubs or sites for guys like us, but I just wish our gaydar was more fine tuned to find dudes such as us? Matt, thank you for opening up this discussion. Be well and stay safe. Alex from LA❤

[@The.Ancient.1.]

I can relate, i struggle to get along with other gay guys, all my male friends are straight, Ive tried to get into the whole "gay culture" thing but i feel out of place.

[@paulcognito]

Perfectly fine not to be interested in "queer culture" and nor is it a failure on your part 🤷‍♀️ and as far as I know, you're particularly unique in your situation! Everyone's different so all you can do is accept and embrace that :) cheers!

[@mmerriw1]

If you don’t relate to parts or all of the “queer” community then don’t. All you really have to do is be who you are. This is your life, not anyone else’s. If people don’t “vibe” with your interest then they don’t. I don’t like everything feminine or masculine I just like what I like. Two of my best friends are straight guys and it just works because we do relate to each other. I wouldn’t put too much emphasis how a potential friend identifies but on who they are, their character, etc. I know it’s frustrating but I’m sure you’ll figure it out in time though. 💙

[@MattMoore83]

Hi Michael, I was really forcing myself to fit in. Truth is, fitting is difficult more for so for some of us. But I agree -- be myself and not worry about this. I appreciate your response! 😊😊

[@JordanjamesX]

Your feelings are valid Matt. I am a gay man from Toronto area in Canada I like working out. I do not identity with the effeminate aspect of the gay male community here. I don't care about drag, I don't watch Rupaul drag race, and I don't talk with a lisp. I like sports with muscular fit men.

[@MattMoore83]

And that's awesomeness! Nothing wrong with being masculine. I told another gay guy one time that I did not watch Rupupal drag race and acted insulted. I didn't hate on it, I just didn't watch it. I think people are ultra sensitive. Nothing wrong with being ourselves.

[@BatchelderPatrick]

I am exactly like you.

[@MattMoore83]

😊Thanks PDB!

[@mysticjason05]

I see this a lot these days and it breaks my heart.. My completely unasked advice to anyone feeling this way is to look into your interests and add gay in a google search. You'd be surprised as to what is out there.. Gay sports teams exist in most major cities. I have a friend on a gay football team and another on a gay rugby team but I know there are a lot more. There are even gay rodeos believe it or not. That shocked me. I have seen gay video game groups (often referred to as gaymers) Volunteer groups, book clubs, supper clubs, you name it. It's not all Drag Race and circuit parties, not that there's anything wrong with that of course. Sorry if you already knew or if this or if this sound preachy but I just wish there was more awareness of the whole, not just certain aspects

[@micaelaarzamendia3882]

Baby, you're just human. ❤ You're OK.

[@luisespinoza8391]

I'm far too boring to be part of the gay community. Plus, I don't have a six pack and I'm over 50. Plus, I'm the wrong skin colour.

[@MattMoore83]

I'm boring too so all good! 🤣

[@rockyrodgers8342]

Matt you are OK, just pray GOD will deliver you the answer. We as men may think a lot of the same thoughts that you have. Smile ,be happy and take care of Gab

[@MattMoore83]

I'll pray tonight Gab. :)

[@bigwilliamxo]

Don't try to fit in just create your own community or you can try the leather community either way you not alone in feeling this way.

[@MattMoore83]

Hi William, I am getting the suggestion is to just be me and you all are correct. 🙂 Leather community eh? 🤔

[@markusskand9773]

i like you Matt, If you could try to be more up- beat, & positive, I- think you'd have more followers, -be more attractive. Is the glass half-empty or full ? I am rooting for ya !

[@DLane814]

I get this. Been feeling similar for a while now. I don't mind the queer stuff but it's definitely not me.

[@MattMoore83]

Exactly -- no hate but just be ourselves. 🙂

[@AtoMicEyeScream]

Conservative gay here. When I first came out I was definitely on the liberal side of things. I tried a lot of things. But after many years of getting to know myself, I am actually a pretty “normal” guy. I dont present as gay nor wave a flag. I really dont like the “queer” label. Im not like a woman. There may be parts of myself that are “gender nonconforming” but mostly I am a “normal” guy. Its also interesting that even the flaming “queer” guys are attracted to “heteronormative” “straight acting” guys. Nothing sexy about a man that looks like or behaves like a (parody of a) woman.

[@brandonlrushman2870]

As a human species in general, I can’t relate to no one! Gay, straight, men, women, etc!!!!! I can’t relate!

[@MattMoore83]

I jokingly call myself a Gaylien. 👽🤣

[@KLAY1946]

Same here Matt. I have sex with men, but I don't do the stereotypical gay things that people assume you do just because your gay. You just haven't met guys like yourself. We are out there.

[@MattMoore83]

Hey Klay! I used to think I was the only one out there. Then I learned of a few and after completing this video, I realized it's much huger than I realized!

[@RichardBeattie]

Hey Matt you've echoed many things that I have said over the years and have been thinking about. In many real ways I've never exactly fit into the bigger queer community and also have been closer to my straight male friend sometimes and that sound exclusively so I just I don't understand all of it I guess I'm not drawn to it. For many years I have defined myself as a man who likes men who like men. And even in the gay community when you know you're trying to date at my age I'm in my sixties it's like the very first thing out of somebody is are you a top or are you a bottom or are you this or you're that why does everybody want to put somebody into some kind of a pigeonhole. I like the energy of men. So I wish you a good luck finding someone that you're really compatible with and celebrate yourself my brother. I keep looking.

[@MattMoore83]

Thank you so much Richard ! I'm glad there is others out there like us! 🙂

[@Djr67]

Im very much like you Matt , do what feels right for you, i love working on my car, you are a gorgeous man, love to have you as a friend x

[@Topher_1986]

I'm definitely not fond of the LGBT community based on how I've been treated and how others are treated as bisexual men. I identify as a masculine man but I can appreciate some feminine things at least on some level even as an adult. I agree with many of the things you say, you're definitely not alone in that.

[@geraldbostic2018]

There is always an extreme but that’s usually only a small part of a culture! Just like straight people don’t feel the need to have parades celebrating their straightness telling the world they have many partners exc. Who you are sleeping with does not define who you are or what you can do! Nobody chooses their sexuality you are what you are and just adapt how you can! I don’t know if people are born gay or life situations turn them that way! I just know many gay people feel different at an early age! The point is not all gay people are hedonistic, they are not trying to turn anyone else gay they are just trying to get along as best as they can in this world! That’s all anyone can do gay, straight or bisexual! Now the whole transgender thing is something more serious and a personal decision they make that effects all aspects of their life! All I say is live and let live and treat others the way you want to be treated and love a little along the way! Let God be the judge! Let the person that has not sinned throw the first stone!!!!!!

[@ericcory244]

I think there are many people who don't fit all the stereotypes. I know I don't. My friends are "straight men" and women. I've no interest in being someone I'm not. I know I'm a gay man, but that is only a small part of who I am. Just accept yourself for who you are. Besides in the grand scheme of things, what difference does it really make anyway?

[@MattMoore83]

In the grand scheme of things, I agree Eric. 🙂

[@lilbitibyker]

The challenge is that your interests and attractions are to like minded guys. The solution will be that you are going to eventually meet a guy very similar to yourself. A man that could walk down the street and nobody would know that he was Gay. Someone just like you. There are LOTS of us out here. But unless someone they know who knows that man is Gay and then introduces him to you because they know you, too, are Gay you are going to be somewhat isolated. But this is a temporary condition as I know there will be opportunities soon that will give you a chance at companionship.

[@MattMoore83]

Hi Buddy. you're right - anything can happen and I will meet that guy. I think most people think I'm straight.. I was in a gay bar one time, and a group of gays were laughing and thought it was "cute" a straight guy was in here. They probably thought I was seeking validation. The point is, I would probably be thinking the same about another guy who is not queer but would never find him. We're out there, it's just that we're not known.

[@lilbitibyker]

@@MattMoore83 Matt my name is Brent. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences with us. Obviously, you are touching lives out here and in good ways. Your contributions are truly appreciated. 👍

[@davidferguson6507]

Think about it this way: "LGBT" is merely a label to describe a segment of the population. To be included as a part of that group, you ONLY need to self-identify as one of the subgroups. Unfortunately, people are using the term "culture" and "community" interchangeably when in fact, they are entirely different. Culture is a quality in a society that we can embrace or not. Like guns are ostensibly a part of U.S. culture, we can choose to like them or not. Culture is always changing, and what was gay culture when I was a kid is far different than today. I dare say that there are only a handful of people who would say that "Gay Culture" describes them perfectly. For me, the bigger issue is one of nomenclature and symbolism. For example, probably because of my age, I despise the words "queer", "fag", "faggot" and any other word that once had disparaging intent. Symbolically, I hate that the Rainbow flag is forever being toyed with to promote "inclusion". The rainbow colours/stripes were originally chosen SPECIFICALLY to be inclusive. Adding more colours and shapes is just watering down the message and creating division and confusion in the community.

[@MattMoore83]

Exactly David and well said!

[@writinghealth]

1:52 'it's very politically correct', this is not about political correctness. It is about really being empathetic.

[@dennytoby]

Yes, I get exactly how you feel. The effem guys get on my nerves. I'm an older gay man, and I can joke about things and like you, I do indeed stand up for other gays if the need arises. But first off Matt...what are your pronouns?? I have to know them so as not to offend you..do you hear (in my best Bette Davis voice) lol. My Doctor (who is also a friend) always tells me (when I go for a checkup)..let me call you by your pronouns as I want to make sure they are "spot on correct"..at which point he starts to laugh as he knows how I am about those damn pronouns. But for years in my job, I had to have a close GF or beard to attend functions. It was no fun. And to come out, I'd have been dead (at least in my job)..so yes, I get it. Just a guy wanting another male as a partner. Today, I really don't care who knows my story. The younger ppl will never know what it was like to grow up and having to stay in the closet. But, I like the gay bars (not the drag ones.). Here, we have a fine mix of the gay scene. You have a great channel and do a great job. I enjoy it and you. Stay safe.

[@donaldstanfield8862]

🤣

[@MattMoore83]

The younger men may take a lot taken for granted compared to your generation. But your generation helped pave the way for us and thank you for that!

[@rugby1971]

as a gay man in his 50's queer is a vile word of hate, i am gay and nothing else

[@enriquewilliams8676]

I thought I was the only one who felt that way.

[@maikeweige1548]

I think you are putting your own biases on to the whole community.

[@craftyanny8471]

you can like masculine activities and not feel bad about it, you do YOU whoever that may be. I am a woman so maybe I don't completely GET IT but I feel like no one should wear a label as an identity.

[@MattMoore83]

Absolutely AnnY and will do! I think we have so many pressures in life! 😊

[@Lov4Lamar247]

I'm the same way too. Your just a man. Who is attracted man. No need to fit in anywhere. But embrace where your standing 🧍‍♂️ at.

[@MattMoore83]

Thanks man! I'm thinking I'm my own crowd.

[@pogodziej]

Well, stereotypical masculine happens to be my turn-on. So it's cool with me xD

[@MattMoore83]

🙂

[@Nemo_Anom]

I am very interested in gay history, some parts of gay culture and entertainment, and some gay politics. I'm also generally a leftist. Even I am put off by some aspects of gay culture and have a lot of criticism. I hate the stereotypes and ths "queer" and I'm not impressed by mewling academics who try to force the issue. I'm not remotely conservative and I can tell a lot of toxicity, regression, sexism, and homophobia is rolled up and packaged into "queer". This could be what you're detecting. There should be space for you in the gay frontiers and it's very telling that there isn't.

[@mountwalker2785]

Thank you! I think they ultimately want Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, to be replaced by Queer which would make us invisible to a large degree again, if we don´t have a specific word to describe male-to-male love.

[@ghfudrs93uuu]

That's pretty much what straight women with blue hair want. They think that by doing that they're gonna be in the in-group despite being extremely basic. It's literally straight women trying to co-opt gay culture.