I'm Sick Of My Husbands Attitude Towards Being A Stay At Home Dad r/Relationships

[@EmmyRae1885]

"No other man would sacrifice like he did" my dad stayed at home because he was disabled and he did way more than this guy. Not just taking care of me and the housework but also making sure my mom woke up to breakfast and warming her car up for her and packing me fun varied lunches and all sorts of stuff. And he never acted superior about it because he genuinely loved being a supportive father and husband, and respected Mom's contribution as the breadwinner

[@RuminatingRaptor]

He sounds amazing.

[@Sunari]

Sounds like a guy who loves his family and found pleasure in caring for them. Glad though that OP was able to have some successful therapy sessions to find out the real issue.

[@ZombieSazza]

My flatmate and I both come from dysfunctional backgrounds, his parents have died and his only relative, his brother, is extremely narcissistic, I’m a child abuse survivor with no contact with my mother and brother, the only relative I have is my dad, so my flatmate and I are best friends and a sorta family unit. No romantic feelings or anything like that, but safety, familiarity, loyalty, we’re essentially family. I’m mostly bedridden disabled and he cares for me, never acts superior, he just wants to make sure I’m supported and is extremely understanding, whether that’s helping me dress on extremely bad pain days, cooking, cleaning, reminding me to take my pain meds, taking me to the doctors/hospital. I support him emotionally and am there for anything he needs, he feels safe talking about mental health with me and I respect his trust in me. Never acted superior, it’s so strange how there’s loads of men on this planet who not only willingly help, but don’t act superior about it. Almost like they’re mature adults or something!!

[@dwilcox7706]

Why is she apologizing? He deserved her to stop helping. That wasn't childish of her to stop helping, it was the most adult answer to HIS childish behavior.

[@AlphaMakuko]

She apologize probably cus she understood that if he went for a divorce, he would get the kids, child support and alimony. Theres a lot of husbands that do the same, you apologize otherwise you are screwd.

[@videofan1010]

​@@AlphaMakuko This is male thinking. Women apologize because they're socialized to reconcile even when they're not wrong.

[@dopaminedrought395]

​@@AlphaMakuko it's hilarious that you think that was her thought process

[@DullestStar9299]

@@AlphaMakuko You right. It's common for the bread winner to owe their spouse when going through divorce.

[@deusdamnit]

In a relationship, apologizing isn't about who's right or wrong. It's about acknowledging that your partner's feelings were hurt. It's not "you vs. me" is "us vs. the problem." In this instance, his behavior was the problem. He needed to be humbled, and what she did wasn't wrong; however, to him it felt like a divide was created between them and he was made into the villain - his behavior was a problem, his mindset was a problem, but his feelings are still real. He needed the apology to feel heard/seen, and once that was done both of them could shift to attacking the problem instead of the person. This is easily the most difficult thing to learn in a relationship. We always talk about communication, but it's actually a very difficult thing to learn, because of the way people actually understand emotions. Emotions aren't a reasoned thing, but when we try to solve problems like this we're trying to use reason; emotional needs have to be met before communication can actually happen, so both sides need to try to bring those needs to even - sometimes that means apologizing when you are in the right, because it's more important that you get to the root of the problem than "win".

[@darkmask5933]

Story 2: While I'm concerned that OP's wife is forcing her son to be vegan when he doesn't want to be, I'm a lot more concerned by the fact OP's son is scared of his mother.

[@BloodShed4REAL]

Not surprising. She's on the tipping point of being abusive, in my opinion.

[@christopheravila7989]

If the mother isn’t beating the son, then I don’t see the problem with him being scared of her. Let’s not make her out to be a villain

[@BloodShed4REAL]

​@@christopheravila7989 Corporal punishment isn't the only thing that constitutes abuse.

[@Jrskeetpro]

⁠@@christopheravila7989she’s literally forcing an excessively unhealthy and dangerous diet on her sports playing teen son…

[@WhitneyDahlin]

​@@christopheravila7989yeah because scaring your kid into an eating disorder makes her the good guy 🙄 her poor child.

[@lynnw7155]

Story 1: just stop doing anything. Since you 'don't contribute' anyway, it shouldn't make any difference, right?

[@davionnash3179]

That's a dickhead move don't let your relationship effect your kids

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

Jup. That was my reaction too. You think it's too easy? You think I do nothing? Great, I'll do nothing. Good luck hubby!

[@roowyrm9576]

This....he needs to find out what it's really like. OP should go away for a week and let him cope.

[@ChrisAndCats]

If OP is doing all this, I'm wondering what he's doing.

[@stevenfrost3469]

The husband really needs a reality check.

[@AuskaDezjArdamaath]

Love how the husband in the first story felt “invisible and unappreciated” after the OP let him get the FULL experience of what it was to be a “housewife” the traditional way, I.e. he has to take care of everything himself. Buddy, maybe now you’ll appreciate what you wife does for you and stop saying that women just complain for now reason on childcare.

[@wildfyah]

Full experience indeed 😂

[@RuminatingRaptor]

Ya, that was exactly the lesson he needed. She shouldn’t have apologized.

[@Arylwren1]

and yet, if OP was a dude and did that to his wife, people on reddit would rip him a new one.

[@krazycats564]

​@Arylwren1 if a woman said "being a stay at home mum is easy" she would be RIPPED APART

[@josh4601]

He said something she didn't like to someone, so she put him, and her kids, through the kind of stress that drove him to needing therapy. if he were a woman, the entire internet would be shouting at him to leave his abusive husband.

[@valgardener7656]

Story 1: This guy! Crying victim because OP does nothing, after he literally told Ashley that OP does nothing. Chores on his own for 2 weeks is abuse, him minimizing her contributions for 2 years is just fine? The creeps that women insist are wonderful husbands! It blows my mind.

[@RuminatingRaptor]

It can be hard to admit you’re being abused or even treated like crap. It is such a common thing to hear, oh he’s fantastic, except when he tells me I’m a POS, yells in my face, and kicks the dog. It’s wild that some people need it pointed out that they are being abused, but that’s our reality.

[@torahammas6722]

Its easier to trick a person than convince a person they have been tricked. Acknowledging abuse happening to you is the same sort of struggle, unfortunately.

[@kimberlyterasaki4843]

Story 1: Husband has a superiority problem. He thinks because he does more than most dads that it automatically makes him incredible and that just because other parents struggle with being a stay at home parent that they're lazy. He needs to get his ego in check

[@SK98765]

S1: Honestly she's doing a lot of chores for him being a SAHD. I'm glad she decided to stop contributing as much to show him what it's like for more SAHMs. I'm not saying all SAHMs have no help from their spouses, but OP said she was doing most of the cooking and a lot of the cleaning despite him being at home all the time. Honestly he should be the one waking up early since he can take a nap when she's at work. Or he should be the one to cook dinner, because she's the one tired after work. He hit the jackpot, so I'm glad they went to therapy to talk about it.

[@DmGray]

This is a way more balanced criticism. I think the guy is an entitled douche who expected his wife to pick up his slack. He hit the lottery, and ruined it with his complaints. ... But a LOT of commenters are pretending that SAHMs are all angels who do everything. Plenty of SAHMs are entitled arseholes who don't appreciate what their spouses do too. Or pretend the BARE minimum is somehow exhausting. I can't imagine a greater privilege than being a full time parent, myself. (and I work in care, so I perform these duties *professionally* so I aren't speaking out of my arse) I do appreciate that women *absolutely* do statistically perform more household chores. But I also think that "household chores" tend to leave out chores that men traditionally do. And it also fails to account for other factors. Many women SAY they want their partners to help, but then berate and belittle when they do, bc they "don't do it right" as if one partner sets the standards and the other MUST follow. And if one partner NEEDS the house to be neat and tidy, but the other is happy with some mess... then why MUST the "compromise" be to the satisfaction of the tidier? If something bothers a person, they should sort it out. If they can't be bothered to sort it out... it isn't a problem. There is absolutely room for compromise and teamwork, but honestly, I think women do NOT understand how much more appreciated their contributions are, and how often men are demeaned and condescended (just compare how fathers day and mothers day are treated. Or single fathers vs single mothers. Or SAHD vs SAHM. The comments show explicitly that there is contempt for the former. They're lazier and get more help, bc some statistics say so, but we don't know how they were gathered or what information they parsed. Again, I don't doubt that women on average do more chores, bc I've seen it so. But I also see greater context. And I've seen the flip side. Hell, whenever I arrive at work a colleague will often tell me something needs to be fixed, bc apparently only I can fix things)

[@AsheQuinn]

My dad was a stay at home dad for 10 years, where my stepmother didn't lift a finger. It is NOT an easy job. Honestly? This guy makes me so angry.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

If you are a great organizer, good at multi-tasking, are a self-starter, motivated, and have kids that don't have medical or mental issues, being a stay-at-home mom or dad is a breeze. If you aren't that lucky, then things can be ..... difficult or challenging. The key is to recognize where your deficiencies lie and either correct them or get assistance in those areas. The "Perfect" stay-at-home parent understands where they need help and then doesn't allow their ego to get in the way of asking for help either fixing their issues or dealing with them. If they don't, it is the kids that end up suffering in the long run. This is why having an excellent "partner in crime" aka spouse, really makes the difference. When you tag team things at home, life is much easier and everyone is much happier. I love to read books but rarely have the time and when I do, I feel "guilty" for not doing something else that might need my attention. My wife, who is "da man" (lol), bought me a subscription to Audible. My triplet 9-year-old daughters taught me how text-to-speech works on my phone to have books not on Audible, read to me. This was a team effort by my ladies to help make my life a little more enjoyable as I can easily listen to a book or story I want while loading or unloading the dishwasher, working out, doing laundry, or remodeling rooms in the basement. Family Team Work is the key.

[@andysixxstalkerangeloftrag5833]

No it's not an easy job, but it's a job you CHOOSE to take if you dont bring in a paycheck.

[@frozenheart7133]

He stays home with 1 kid and doesn't handle the appointments or food. 😂😂 he thinks he knows the struggle? That's adorable.

[@Arylwren1]

and yet, there are STHM that do the exact same thing and all reddit can say is "slay gurl"

[@josh4601]

You're literally saying that he was right. that it was easy.

[@Arylwren1]

@@josh4601 no I'm saying there are sahm that do the exact same thing, have a husband that do more than their share of house work and child care, only yo have their wife disparage their contributions. Then the flying monkeys start telling him to do more.

[@josh4601]

@@Arylwren1 ahh, sorry for misunderstanding.

[@frozenheart7133]

@@Arylwren1 I've heard reddit slam moms for staying home after the kids are in school, so I think you're right that SAHM are complaining (in some cases when they shouldn't be) I would disagree that reddit always responds that way to the situation.

[@roelthas]

Yeah, OP did nothing wrong and it worked, the husband got the reality check that he needed.

[@hi_stranger9156]

Story 1: You know, none of this would've gone down if he hadn't been all over social media and IRL telling everybody that stay-at-home moms are a bunch of stupid whiners who can't do anything right. OP wouldn't have been (rightfully) offended and he would've kept having it easy. But I guess that's tied in to his ego problems with not being a breadwinner. If he's going to be the stay-at-home parent, he has to be the best at it -- better than any women could be. He should've posted on his blog about how he'd been unfair to his wife and to other stay-at-home parents Story 2: NTA. OP's son is at a age where he can make decisions about his own diet, if his mother was more approachable he wouldn't have to hide his dietary preferences. She needs to realise that she can't control other people's food, the same way most people respect other people's food choices, the same should go for her family.

[@timothynelissen948]

Was about to comment the same thing. His TikTok echo chamber is creating a monster attitude from this ass hat

[@animatorstanley]

Well said

[@owl7072]

Story 1: does this dude just think the food he cooks just appears like that or something? Does he think bath time is something that just happens on it's own??? Does he think the laundry folds itself???? Edit: "You didn't consider my feelings" Imagine how the friend felt.

[@Slushiii6804]

Story 1: OP is a doormat for her self centered husband. She needs to grow a spine and realize her husband hasnt learned. He still believes he was in the right and OP was in the wrong. He hasn't bettered himself

[@RuminatingRaptor]

S1: he found out the hard way. She should not have apologized, he would never have learned without that lesson. He got what he deserved.

[@roowyrm9576]

Oh dear, OP's husband's is feeling ignored and invisible.....he's actually feeling how many women feel being a SAHM without help.

[@paulastiles5507]

And that right there is an ugly truth of being a SAHM. Ladies, do you feel unappreciated as SAHMs? Now you know how generations of your mothers and grandmothers and great-grandmothers felt, and why they fought so hard to give women employment opportunities outside the home.

[@Oceanmaid91]

SAHM, working mom, SAHW I’ve heard stories of all these women who eventually are ignored or taken for granted. Honestly when did a wedding ring symbolize “Nothing else here”

[@paulastiles5507]

@@Oceanmaid91 There's nothing wrong with being a SAHM, especially when the kids are little. But you should always have some separate funds saved up on your own, just in case. Always be your own woman, regardless of where you work. Unfortunately, guys who like the idea of their wives staying home are also much more likely to like the old ways when women were dependent on men, too.

[@EphemeraImaging]

@@paulastiles5507 Not 'dependant' on them more like indentured servats. Many men love that. The idea being, he can kick her out if he so chooses.

[@sandeesandwich2180]

Someone once told me they thought they were the best mom in the world -- and then they had another kid who had a much more challenging personality! It was eye opening.

[@ndawn90]

My SIL is a former teacher and mother of 4. She talks about how she used to be so judgemental about parents who had extremely picky eaters, and how she thought that she would never kowtow to a kid throwing a tantrum over eating a variety of food... Then, she had her 4th child. He's on the autism spectrum and as part of that, he is an extremely picky eater. She quickly realized that the fact that her oldest 3 children aren't picky wasn't a testament to her parenting skill, it was a testament to them just not being picky eaters.

[@5martgir14ever]

That is how I feel about my son. The only reason my husband and I are doing so well as parents right now is because our son is so agreeable. He is very well behaved even in public. We can take him places and people think he is so cute and chill. Also, he is not a picky eater and follows directions/responds to no appropriately. Even when my son does have his moments, no baby is perfect, it is very short lived and then he's back to being cute and chill. We are about to have our second son in ~3 weeks. This might change things with our first son. This baby might be more difficult. Additionally, as kids get older, they change. All we can do as parents is do our best and roll with the punches.

[@RuminatingRaptor]

@@5martgir14ever You’ve got a great attitude. Good luck with your second child!

[@jodieg6318]

Story 1: a prime example of Fuck Around And Find Out. She even told him before hand what and why she's doing it and still he gets Shocked Pikachu Face.

[@laraq07]

Story 1: So because he feels inadequate he dismisses the help she gives and says he does EVERYTHING.

[@보모]

he isn't even a _proper_ stay-at-home spouse expecting his wife to contribute all duties inside and outside the home meanwhile commenters comply dismissed his line about how easy it is but *_women just like to complain_* ignoring how he wasn't doing housework nor turning the kids in at night

[@CyeOutsider]

S1: OP should not have apologised. He deserved it.

[@traceybowyer5955]

Story 1: so often people's behaviour is influenced by their insecurities and it was good that the husband was able to recognise and vocalise his.

[@EphemeraImaging]

He should have been adult enough to recognise this in himself, but instead he chose to be snarky to his wife AND people outside his marriage. When he has no idea of what they are even struggling with! He's an ass and a manbaby. And his wife apologises for showing him what life is really like, lol. Her standards are pretty low.

[@glendastaples8206]

Story 1: Sometimes it takes a swift kick in the ass to wake someone up to reality. I’m glad that op and her husband worked it out.

[@LovesGaming37]

The husband will continue to be an asshole. So another post where the woman must apologize and the man gets a pass

[@RuminatingRaptor]

Right? She should never have apologized. He got what he deserved.

[@valgardener7656]

Agreed! He's a bully, and bullies don't change. They just fall back, and continue their assault from a new position. It's exhausting to think about.

[@ps9501]

I believe most stay at home parents are lazy tbh. It would be better if both parents worked and shared chores equally

[@kyriacarica5862]

Story 1: OP, stop helping him with chores. Let him do everything AND do 95% of the child care. See if he’s still singing the same tune after *A DAY* “He started to feel invisible and unappreciated” Congratulations! Welcome to being a stay-at-home parent! Where nothing you do is enough and if something goes wrong it’s probably 100% “your fault” because “what do you do all day anyway? This is your only job!” 🎉

[@DesertRainReads]

Whoa boy did OP ever do just that, the update should make you pleased as punch.

[@Schwiegermutter]

St1: 1. I was a sahd for 3y and it was easy. Dinner was ready when my wife came home ect. 2. He acts like an asshole 3. Most men today help out theire sahw with household and the children and they still complain

[@pxel64]

I'm a SAHM and growing I never felt appreciated for what I did do. The only thing noticed was what I didn't do. I think part of that contributed to why I struggle with chores. 'Why do it when no one notices?' I do my best though and I have communicated to my hubby about my feelings. Now, I ask him if he notices anything about the house and he always tells me that things look great. I know he should do this on his own, but he's not the most observant person so I don't mind and I appreciate that he takes a moment to look around before saying anything.

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

@@pxel64 Yea, I feel like that too sometimes, as a SAHD. I clean the whole house and at the dinnertable mention what I did, but nobody really appreciates it. Last friday my daughter (7) had a female friend (8) over, and the friend was telling how she was proud of her mum for doing so much work in the house and taking care of her little sisters (2 and 5), when her father did nothing at all . I was flabbergasted to hear an 8 year old give such an appreciation to her mum, it almost made me emotional. (Add: the dad doesn't do nothing, he's the breadwinner so he works) I'm now wondering if I should tell the mum what her daughter said. She'd probably appreciate it.

[@jakeand9020]

My wife is a SAHM, first thing I do when I get home from work is fix us both a cup of coffee and we sit together for a while. Then I thank her for everything she did. After I eat (her and the kids eat dinner before I get home) I clean up after dinner. My mom was a "SAHM," but she did literally nothing. My oldest sister did all the housework and child care, so maybe I just come in with a different perspective than most people.

[@yomommah6866]

What I'm missing from story 1 is an apology from OPs husband to OP for being a massive asshole and having the audacity to resent her for showing him just how good he has it with her help. She apologized to him, he did to Ashley (who also very much deserved that apology), but no sorry to his wife? Only a "I HET YOUR POINT NOW"? Nah. He better be apologizing and groveling in that last therapy session.

[@rivertam7827]

Also he didn't do any real growth, he deleted the blog posts, but didn't make any more posts to show he understood he had been a jerk in his previous posts.

[@JK-sh8rc]

I noticed that too. OP apologized BUT the husband doesn't bother? Oh he** no.....

[@slick8086]

Just because she didn't write it doesn't mean it didn't happen. She is clearly relating her experience, those may not have been facts she considered important to share.

[@Grace_x68]

This. Agree 100%. I get the idea OP is always asking forgiveness to her husband. He's a mean man

[@robertx8020]

@@Grace_x68 And she is begging to be mistreated ..and I'm sad to say this. I expect a new post from her within a year, stating "My husband is abusing me but it is all my fault " 😔

[@pixel9548]

It's the easiest job in the world, but no one has sacrificed like he has.

[@Shenn3165]

She needs to stop enabling her husband, he’s so far in the dark he can’t see the flashlight your trying to hand him!

[@RuminatingRaptor]

Good one.

[@marywinning7430]

Story 1 - Let the Stay at home Dad, go and stay with the friend Ashley for 3 days and "sort out their house" and deal with the autistic child and Ashley sits back and does nothing. Then he can see how "easy"it is.

[@NottyAries]

S1: The saying "I can show you, better then I can tell you," is sometimes the best teacher.

[@TheSouthernSun]

Story 1: that man had some AUDACITY. He needed that experience to understand what has been expected of women since the dawn of time. He learned what it quite often means to be a woman. I laughed when he complained to his wife that he felt less than human (or something like that) and invisible.

[@SailorMya]

WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! LOL Story one on Reddit! Reddit - "NTA You should stop helping him and let him do it all!" OP - Takes Reddit's advice and does this with an update Reddit - "You doing that is SOOOO childish!" LOL WTF Reddit pick a lane!

[@OmneyasWISH]

The "snicker I snuck" when he got all twisted when he ACTUALLY had to do ALL the work of a SAHD made me happy. Petty, yes but still happy. I was a SAHM and it never ended ( the work) plus a whole ass man to take care of as well.

[@judyjohnson9610]

Ah...yes. I had three children that I birthed and one that I married. Chronically unemployed and underfoot to boot. I am well rid of that one.

[@drift27519]

for story 2: my parents are vegetarian and made me eat veg too. When i was younger it didn’t bother me bc it was just how it was, but as i got older i started to think the same things that the son did. When i asked my parents if i could be non-veg i was met with hostility. I ended up developing an ED and becoming really good at lying, just like the last commenter described. I really hope the dad will be openly supportive of his son, and that the mom learns not to be so controlling. Little things like this can really mess someone up when they’re young.

[@jennydrake491]

Story 2: The comments were spot on. Having a mother who's so controlling that he felt compelled to sneak things and then lie to her is incredibly harmful for the child. My niece suffered like this in her childhood and is only now, as an adult, beginning to allow herself to have her own opinions and preferences. She is in therapy, and is likely to be for many years.

[@samanthacarpenter3336]

Story 2: you know what that little boy heard when op’s wife was verbally assaulting him by calling him an animal abuser, and other degrading things? That kid most likely internalized those words as meant for him because, dad was only trying to help him. He’s also afraid of his mother. Shame on her for forcing her lifestyle on her kids, then going on the attack when not following her values. That poor kid is going to have a serious food complex problem. His food hiding, and feelings of guilt will negatively affect his relationship with food for the rest of his life. Also, if teachers find him hiding food, and using his own money to buy snacks. they’re most likely think there is food insecurity going on, and think the family is either struggling to pay for food or, that there is abuse going on in the home and the parents are neglecting their child. Op needs to prioritize his son, and get his wife to back the F off.

[@SherriLyle80s]

S1: start working a ton of overtime. Oops can't help with breakfast, or pack lunches, or anything because you leave before they get up and come back home after they are all asleep. And as a mother of an ADHDer and a full time worker, I would scream at OPs husband if he ever scoffed at me.

[@piratsnygg]

Story 1: She wasn't childish. He was. She communicated in the only way he would be able to understand.

[@tully6648]

That, and she didn't just stop doing it all with no warning. She _told_ him what she'd be doing, and why. She didn't intentionally make anything harder for him-he literally only had to do the work he acted like he was doing all along. Solid woman there.

[@kvasskinggsezbooyah69]

Story 2: NTA, the mom is on her way to giving her son an eating disorder. Sounds like a real piece of work...

[@namename2040]

Story 2 NTA Forcing being vegan on your kids is disgusting. It should ALWAYS be a choice. The only exception is medical problems. The fact that OPs wife was so intense about her views that her son had to do it behind your backs is depressing. I personally couldn't be with those kinds of vegans nor could I associate with those kinds of people. All they do is make people want to eat more eat hurting their own cause.

[@EphemeraImaging]

I'm vegan and I totally agree. I would allow my kids to make their own choices, even far younger than 12. I might insist on home cooking being vegan since I am the primary cook (again, for me, not for my husband if he so chose) but this is what I do with MY body. I don't own either my childs or husband's life choices.

[@PinkMarshmallows]

Story 1: I feel for OP, NTA. I'm a SAHW with Major Depression (not medicated) and it's hard. I don't have the energy to do anything, and when I finally get a burst of energy to clean an entire room, I'll be down for the count for several days trying to get that energy back. Thankfully, my husband understands.

[@ShadowyKatz]

He feels unappreciated and invisible... Like how he made OP feel?

[@wildridegaming]

Story 1 OP NTA, your husband is playing life on easy mode. He isnt cooking or handling the kids, he is sharing the duties unlike your friend. Of course its easy. He also has absolutely no idea about children with ASD. I too was like that, kids can be a handful, put ASD in the mix and that handful makes you wish you were a hindu god. My daughter quickly changed my perspective. Let me just describe a typical school day. 2:00am Daughter wakes up, loud and disruptive so you cannot sleep anymore. 6:30am alarm goes off and you get her ready for school, half the time with her refusing to co-operate with getting dressed. 7:30am she is picked up by transport and taken to school (1hr drive) 8:45am School starts 2:45pm School ends 4:00pm arrives home, stress release from bottling up while at school. This will involve a meltdown of uncontrolled emotional output which nearly always goes through periods of shouting and aggression because she cannot express her needs properly, all you can do is wait as any form of discipline here is harmful to the situation. If youve had a temper tantrum imagine that ten-fold over something you have zero control over ie the sun is behind a cloud. 5:00pm She may eventually have calmed down. 9:00pm Bedtime, can take until midnight to fall asleep. Melatonin can help her fall asleep quicker but wont affect her waking up ridiculously early. Now bear in mind when she is at home sounds can really set her off, so no TV, if on a computer/phone you are using headphones, you cant have a conversation without having to pause every sentence to calm her down over something she heard you say. Normally this is repeating the same words with completely different words (especially if you ever talk about someone and say he/her or even someones name, will need it said again using opposite pronouns. Talk about her, repeat the words with him. So for him to experience that, he has to do all the chores, after being awake 24hrs and not sleep til the day after and he might feel what she is feeling. If I knew that your kids would not suffer Id tell you to stop helping him out.. maybe you need to do it for 1 day anyway. PS I am a SAHD and I really appreciate my wifes help and I respect all SAHPs in my opinion they are the most valuable but underappreciated person in a family. edit: After 2 weeks he has endured part of what your friend has endured for years and he was already at breaking point. His feelings are right, it can be very hard on the self worth front for SAHDs, I believe SAHM get similar, but theres a bit more support for the Mothers over the Fathers in this as I had been blocked from some toddler events because I was father and not mother. You also dont have an income so you cant really go spending on anything, but again this is something wives go through, but again its largly accepted a wife spending her husbands money, but not the husband spending the wifes money. Unless he has a separate bank account that she is contributing to then he cant really buy anything for her as a surprise either as she will see the transactions. The societal pressure on a man to provide does not stop just because his a SAHD and there are times you just get snubbed due to it. Hell I had one when going for guardianship of my wifes niece where they were expecting my wife to quit her job to take care of her because "Well you are a man" and this is in the UK, not some country that still doesnt have womens rights. As for it being childish.. no, some people can understand without experiencing, but others need the experience to understand. Even then theory is all well and good but experience is the best learning method.

[@RosesTeaAndASD]

I know this routine well.🩷 It's 24/7 and it's physically, mentally and emotionally draining with very finite moments to focus on your own needs. I hope you have a good support network around you - even a good support worker counts.

[@kerribottriell-baxter7345]

Massive respect as I know parents who have this life with their children who attend my eldest's school - which is a special school. And I'm in Australia - and some aren't even getting the respective help they deserve because of some stupid bureaucratic red tape. I get annoyed at people who say "how easy" something is... yeah... wait until life serves you humble pie...

[@RuminatingRaptor]

Much respect to you and all that you do. It’s not easy and you’re a superstar for sure.

[@joshuarichards8065]

story 2 comment 16:24 : Wow, I never thought I'd here a vegan say that we are designed to eat meat! More respect to them.

[@hydrangeagal3341]

Story 1: I don’t think what she did was childish. She tried to talk to him and he dismissed her. Maybe they should have gone straight to therapy but I wonder how open he would be without the experience. Glad it worked out and that their relationship is moving in a healthier direction for both parties

[@ZoeAlleyne]

Story 2, she is completely ok abusing her son and causing an eating disorder but she draws the line at animal cruelty.

[@impishrebel5969]

Vegans are also quite okay with the human trafficking and unpaid labor of certain major vegan food industries such as soy and the destruction of the environment to create new farms, but ohhh say any of this to a vegan pointing out their hypocrisy and you're the bad guy.

[@RuminatingRaptor]

Good point.

[@jameshutchinson2817]

I had a friend growing up who took the holier then thou vegan route. He pitched a fit when his parents got a fridge magnet that said something like "proud vegan parent" then below that it said "more meat for me." Veganism is perfect for people who love to act offended.

[@ACAB.forcutie]

Eh, religion is better. More socially acceptable and way more moral superiority. Who cares about saving the world when you're _one of _*_GOD'S_*_ chosen_ 😂 Plus, people actually discriminate against vegans, but christians get to pretend like they're victims of discrimination without any of the actual problems of actually being discriminated against! 🤣

[@ScooterBond1970]

OMG where can I get that magnet??🤣🤣🤣

[@fiaflora9585]

Please don’t lump all vegans together. There are plenty of vegans who are doing it for reasons other than to “act offended”

[@jameshutchinson2817]

@fiaflora9585 You are absolutely right, and I completely respect everyone and their personal choices, so long as they don't try to push said beliefs onto me. I've only known a few vegans and unfortunately the majority were the type to look down on people eating meat, and were very quick to voice their opinion and dislike of my personal choice.

[@brandi5126]

S1: wow, he has some nerve throwing a fit like that after you have been doing the majority.

[@Mkay999]

“No man would ever sacrifice like he did.” I hate when men say things like that, ok you’re not a real man then 😂 you’re not the only man in the world willing to be a SAHD

[@Ashbrash1998]

That got me annoyed too, like stop trying to martyr yourself over nothing.

[@amandarusso7808]

Yeah that would have pissed me off to the point where I would have told him to go get a job.

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

Stay at home dad here. That man has it real easy, letting his wife do the majority of the house/kids work... I'd be ashamed when my partner - who's also working - is doing all the stuff I should be doing. I already felt ashamed when I gave my husband one chore: Whoever is not cooking is putting stuff in the dishwasher. Since I always cook, he's been doing the dishes. I'm so grateful, couldn't imagine asking him for more chores/kids duty like OP's husband did.

[@theundone777]

​@@Nathan_BookwurmI think it's very reasonable for the working parent to do some small chores when they come home from work. No stay-at-home parent gets to work 8 hours a day and then just stop- it's the same for working parents. I think it's very healthy if after they get home, the working parent helps the stay-at-home parent get everything finished for the day as much as possible, so that they can both relax and enjoy each other's company. Also, you sound very sweet.

[@theundone777]

@@aprile5209 right? If it's such a big sacrifice that no man would do, then why are we consistently expecting women to do it without complaint?

[@rubymeaddle]

If a SAHM even asked her husband to help with dinner she'd get dragged

[@travarturner6547]

Never stop doing what your doing Mark respect 💯

[@judyjohnson9610]

This story was better than I expected. And along with many others, I thought she went about it the right way. First, some conversation, then "Well, if you are telling people you do it all, have at it. It's all yours" I had my three children in 3.5 years. One day hubby asked me to make a list of what I did all day. Two were still in diapers at that point. He had the good sense to not ask again. He didn't pay attention to all I was doing when he was at home.

[@darkmask5933]

Reddit: You should stop doing all the chores! Also Reddit: You stopping with the chores was really childish!

[@LadyQuotes]

when I was a teen my dad was laid off and had trouble finding a new job. He actually did all the cooking and housework. This guy is a poser.

[@maranathaschraag5757]

I don't think she was childish. She was showing him the error of his ways. He was being obstinate and condescending. His insecurities are not justification for his behavior and comments. society needs to stop with the toxic masculinity. buncha bs. also - good for ashley!

[@sorinsilverheart3200]

So hes allowed to be a childish brat but she "is childish" for proving a point?

[@karendaniel620]

Story 2: Guess I'm going against the grain. ESH except the kid. opshould have talked to his wife and then had a bigger conversation with their son.

[@persgodiva]

Damn OP1 really made me angry, what a freaking doormat. The guy can't handle getting the truth right in his face, so ultimately she ends up apologizing to him? Eff that.

[@보모]

now OP's husband has a single woman friend to commiserate his denial with _i did everything and my wife like most women just like to do nothing while whining about it_ meanwhile that dude isnt even a househusband

[@icantchange.youtubesaysine7338]

Story 1: That would wind me up too. Not everyone has it easy. Also, insulting others? Nah. Maybe leave him to do all your chores and see how he goes. I know that petty. Or your could sit and try and talk and avoid the pettyness.

[@xandan1668]

If he thinks doing everything is easy. Let him do everything and see how fast he backtracks.

[@MiraTheWarlock]

I cant believe OP had to apologize when she was in the right Like dude was shaming stay-at-home mothers because he was so good at taking credit for his wife's help, claiming she did nothing But she makes him legit do what he's claiming to do and she has to say sorry? Pathetic Edit: Welp I mixed up single and SAH

[@drako8343]

There is a difference between a single mother and a stay at home mother

[@MiraTheWarlock]

@@drako8343 Alrighto fixed it Op was still in the right

[@jacquiethebibliophil]

He IS supposed to be supporting his family. He is basically saying he just doesn't want to work. Few people do, but if we want to eat, we do. CHILDISH??? He would have never understood until he experienced it.

[@heatherholzhaus7013]

You can "talk to" someone until you lose your voice. If they think they are superior, they will not hear you. Only through experience, will he learn just how much of a team they actually were. For him to start "hating her" because of his learning experience.... that's just ridiculous. And for him to constantly belittle her and make HER feel invisible, while he says he has it easy? Goodness. And then, after she decides to let him do everything and actually show him what that's like, he says SHE made HIM feel invisible? Holy tone deaf, batman. I'm glad he's learned how to be appreciative of his PARTNER and I hope that that doesn't go away.

[@ginathecookie]

Ah, ofc. The usual my issues are making me feel insecure/upset/vulnerable so I'm gonna lash out; verbally or not. Sigh. I'm so glad they're in counselling, dude really needs it. I'm on the fence about what OP did, sounds like it was needed a little but I do think counselling could have been tried first. Oh well. All's well that ends well.

[@drako8343]

If the genders were reversed OP would’ve been told it’s their job to help out at home and called them scum for refusing to be an equal partner for any period of time. Like OP really put their own marriage at risk to protect the feelings of people who are not relevant in the grand scheme of her families life

[@lainepelote680]

1st story: If OP's way of getting her point across was "not the right way", then what would have been the right way? Talking to him clearly didn't work.

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

I audibly gasped when the husband said the friend was doing it wrong and offered lessons. The actual audacity of this arrogant mofo.

[@lillianpilto2377]

Story 1: I do the same shit if my husband complains about chores. He and I both work and contribute 50/50 to the household expenses, we have a baby on the way. I've never picked up the slack for laziness and neither has he, lest we're sick or otherwise cannot for legitimate reasons. I am your wife, not your mother. You are my husband, not my dad. You cooked before you met me, you can pick up your own dishes. You dusted before you met me, you can wipe down the table. THat's for both of us.

[@lorrainemontagnon1537]

Do you ever wake up craving something? No I am not pregnant lol! However, I could really nosh down on fish and chips right now, even fir breakfast. Much love waffle gang and rock on Mark!❤❤

[@aroseinwinter7719]

I want a kapsalon. It’s food, not the place to get your hair done. In case you want to look it up. Something delicious in the Netherlands 🇳🇱

[@ginathecookie]

I do. All the time. My hormones are usually up and down always, it's why I'm on meds so yeah I get cravings a lot. Sometimes I give in exactly, sometimes I don't.

[@telinhajp]

Good afternoon, Mark and Poppy! Wishing you both have a relaxing Sunday! ❤️🤗

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

You too m8🤗🤗💜💜

[@dcg590]

Story 1- op, why is your behavior childish? HIS behavior was childish, not yours. He threw a tantrum when he didn’t like things. He’s ungrateful, lazy and thankless. You had him do exactly what woman have done throughout time. He’s a pos. You’re the bomb but his stuck feelings do not allow him to be a jerk. His excuses don’t work. No,he’s not the best husband. He’s a big baby. You have done all the changing YOU are the strong one, not him. You did nothing wrong. He needs help.

[@LunaP1]

He's a narcissist, too. He'll tear everyone else down around him to feel good about himself.

[@DesertRainReads]

Well, I think it's safe to say that he certainly choked on some humble pie and then some.

[@bunnyslippers191]

@@DesertRainReadsHe didn't, not really. He apologized to the wife's friend and took down his blog posts bragging about how easy it is to be a SAHP, but he didn't write an apology to his readers and admit how much his wife did. When she told him if he wanted to go back to work so he can contribute most of the money for the household he said he couldn't take "the pressure of working and wanted to stay home." He's a wienie and weak. He didn't even have to go through trying to keep the house clean, do all the chores, including folding and putting away the laundry, all the cooking, the yard work and etc. while pregnant with two kids still not in school and then after giving birth taking care of an infant *and* two other kids still not in school. That would have killed him off for sure. What he really wants is to have a trust fund that gives him more money than his wife makes while staying home and still having his wife to at least 40% of the house work, home maintenance, and yard work on top of her at least 40 hours a week as well as all the doctor's appointments and school events.

[@CrimsonAngelWinges]

Story 2: NTA I hope the son decides to be a professional butcher when her grows up.

[@LaineyBug2020]

Story 2- Lol, you don't get to 'decide' your kid has to be any damn thing at that age. Telling a 12 year old what to eat. 🤦‍♀️

[@alicewilloughby4318]

Story 1 - 4:10 - For starters, they should find a way to force Hubs to babysit the ADHD kid for several hours at a time. He'd find out how hard it can be! Also, his overall attitude needs a good swift kick! Story 1 - Update 2 - I don't see what's so wrong with OP making Hubs do all the work that many SAHMs do. I hope he learned something, although the way he stomped around about how she hadn't considered his poor little feeeeeelings makes me doubt it.

[@atty7697]

Story 1 - OP'S husband is the AH. He is so full of himself. Some people don't realise when they have a good thing going till they ruin it. He has a great wife, but cannot see it. When she finally gets tired and emotionally distant because she has had enough. I hope he really changes for the better

[@LadyBern]

Nice to listen to you while I'm staining wood for a mounted vanity mirrored medicine cabinet I'm building. Second hand picture frame, plexiglass with reflective spray, light wood and stain. Coming in under $80 whoo!

[@waltdoherty540]

1st Story. What hubby needs to know just how much work taking care of a household can be.

[@ZoeAlleyne]

I am childfree and I am FULLY aware of how hard being a full time parent would be. A stay at home parent? No fucking thanks. I prefer having a clock in and clock out time tyvm. No long service leave, often thankless, no promotions.

[@user-blob]

Good for you 😊

[@ZoeAlleyne]

@@user-blob For the record, full respect to stay at home parents. I could not do that. I think I would rather be a marine in active combat, and I am a wheelchair user so I don't think that would work well for me.

[@user-blob]

I hope you don’t think I was being sarcastic. I meant it. I respect people who make the decision to remain childfree.

[@ZoeAlleyne]

@user-np2dp8ck4j Lol, I wasn't eeentirely sure. I thought you were sincere, but it is hard to tell on the internet, so I thought it was better to clarify my position just in case. And I don't mind taking a moment to hype up the stay at home parents out there, doing what I could never. It takes all sorts to make society work.

[@user-blob]

@@ZoeAlleyne😊

[@Weirdandwonderfull19]

Mark in story 1: What a Berk. I haven't heard that one in ages 😂. " Berk" is my word of the day now 😂.

[@veezopolis]

I'm still wondering if he has to assemble and cook the meal prepped items, what is she prepping?

[@Jacky.c.v]

Cutting everything, which is the worst part of cooking. I say this as someone that cooks fresh everyday.

[@lynnw7155]

Story 2: any kind of fanatic is so tedious. People can make any dietary, political, religious decisions they want. But they can't force their ideas on other people.

[@ACAB.forcutie]

So wait.. he fucked around, found out, and _she_ apologized to him??? THIS is why men have the audacity, apparently WE gave it to them! 🤦‍♀️

[@Streetwisefirst]

Story 2: kids should grow up having a bit of everything unless there are allergies or restrictions due to medical reasons. A kid hiding food like meals is a serious concern. It could lead to ED, food hoarding, etc. The wife needs to chill out and realize her controlling his food and trying to make him be vegan will alienate her son from her.

[@valeriejames4675]

Story 1. "How hard could it be?" Famous last words. If i was OP I would just tell him, "challange accepted, good luck!"😊

[@electrobuster5483]

story 1: The second i got annoyed at him for gloating about it being easy. I’d take off the water wings that’s keeping him floating and wish him good freaking luck.

[@starlingswallow]

First Story: your hubby sounds like a narcissist! 😢 yikes. I did all the work on top of running a business with him but he acted like I was invisible, and constantly said "HE did all the work". 🤦🏻‍♀️ I guess he thought meals were magically cooked, laundry was magically washed/dried/put away, dishes magically washed and put themselves away, the vacuum ran itself, stuff picked themselves up, etc, etc. I wonder how the magic is happening for him since I left 5 years ago 😅

[@NotAFanOfHandles]

Story 1: No, OP wasn't childish. She had tried to explain to him that he didn't have the full SAHP experience, and the only way he'd learn is if he actually experienced it. She did what she had to do to get her point across. Sometimes words aren't enough. Story 2: NTA - your son is old enough to make his own dietary choices.

[@Jrskeetpro]

“Dietary preferences”…. Yeah malnutrition as a teen is great 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

OP in Story 1 had nothing to apologize for, and wasn't being petty. Her husband was devaluing not only her contributions, but those of all SAH moms, and was actively lying, saying that his wife "barely did anything." She tried talking to him and he just kept at it. Showing him how much she actually did was the only solution. If he is truly sincere in his new outlook, he should've made a statement on his blog that he was wrong about how easy SAH moms have it, and should've said that his wife did as much if not more than he did. Frankly, I don't see how insecurity over his contributions could be turned into "I do everything and she does nothing." Not sure I believe his "core reasons."

[@neilfelsbourg170]

Far organization 349 would never dream of telling someone they are doing it wrong but their entire post was about how they did parenting and that this SAHD was not doing that. For heaven's sake.

[@hilarymurray8741]

First story : NTA OP. You are doing a fair bit of the work, OP. I had six children plus occasional foster children and I did all of the responsibilities listed as a SAHM and only asked my husband to wash his own children at night and put them to bed. I also drove him to work in the morning on the school run, as he did not drive. I thought it was my side of 'the deal'. No wonder your husband thinks that his role is easy. Try letting him do all of it and see how he feels then!

[@BritInvLvr]

Story one: wow. How arrogant is OP’s husband? She needs to stop helping so much so he can have a taste of reality.

[@calebhoffman6368]

Why? This is how a relationship should be when there is a sahp

[@carolroberts4614]

Really? When he boasts that being a sahp is a doddle, and his wife did almost nothing around the house( when she did at least 40℅ if not more) Also a blog aimed at others in the same position, saying they've got it easy? Any wife would be riled up about that!

[@JayeEllis]

Story 1: NTA - Sounds like you need to give him a taste of what it means to do 100% of the chores. Help the kids with homework, and of course they get cuddle time, but the rest is on him for a few weeks. Wake up call time!

[@fhuber7507]

1... OP should go on a 2 week vacation alone... Good luck super-dad.

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

7:52 waaaaaaiiiiiiiiit….do what to him? I thought it was easy? And then he got shocked by having to make lunch and dinner? 9:30 this part made me scream out loud, cuz this is literally his own doing! 🤨😭

[@DragonbornMike-ym2er]

Story 1: OPs reaction was perfect for her husbands behavior. He was too immature to be honest and fair to others. And when this change in the system was too much for him. Rather than apologize and try to get things to how they were before without the putting down of others. He ended up yelling and snapping. He needs to learn to handle his feelings.

[@louellacharlton4425]

Tyvm Mark stay safe please, peace.

[@dawnstone4424]

Omg I think I was married to this first story’s doppelgänger!! Well the husbands doppelgänger! I worked full time but still cooked cleaned ,did all the laundry and did the majority of school related tasks for our kids. My late husband acted like he had it all together. Pffft. ETA I also took the night time duties and took days off when my children were ill.

[@frogking6416]

Story 1: see the second she said 'i help him ' I knew where his 'this is so easy what are stay at home moms complaining about ' cause stay at home moms never get any help from the dads he wants an even field let him have one so he can see how easy it is when he has to do literally everything

[@Misspellednumbers]

Story 1: I need OP to tell us if her husband ever said sorry. So in response to his insecurities, he put down women, never acknowledged his wife's contribution, PUBLICLY put down women's opinion on being an at-home parent, and insulted OP's friend at one of her worst moments. Not only that, but when OP took things into her own hands, he got angrier and angrier, victimizing himself, until he blew up at OP. I'm glad he took down his blog, but f' man, the way he handled his insecurities was by hurting others. He's been such a POS this whole time, he should be glad OP saw through all that horror.

[@tully6648]

Story 1: It's incredibly disappointing how thick and stubborn this guy is. "He said he knew what game I was playing"-Dude, this isn't a game. I'm also disappointed that OP thought her actions were childish. She talked to him. She didn't just up and stop everything with no warning. She let him know what she'd be doing, why, and used his own words to try to convince him how problematic his own stance was. She didn't purposefully make the work harder, either (she could have made more messes or "taken on OT" and ducked out of home more often).

[@epicXtrollface]

Frankly, if I ever had a stay-at-home partner and they said their job was the easiest job in the world, I'd immediately start doing less chores. Not out of pettiness, but simply out of equality. A career is a job, being a SAHP is a job. If his job is so easy that he can brag about it to everyone else, then I'm going to want him to do more. The moment I find out he shames SAHM's for struggling because no job is easier than theirs, I don't see why it would be so terrible or childish to expect for him to work the job he says he has. I feel for Ashley. My mom was a SAHM just like her, and my brother has autism while I had undiagnosed ADHD as a kid. Without trying to be offensive towards others with similar conditions, I do want to say that parenting neurodivergent children can be extremely overwhelming and frustrating. Imagine being told by another parent that you're just not doing your job right and that they could give you a lesson or two. ADHD is so much more than just being bouncy. Especially as a kid, it's being out of control. Emotions are intense, focus is low, the world is too slow. Hyperactivity makes you feel stuck in your own body, like your skin is too tight for your flesh. There is no peace. Of course a child is going to feel overwhelmed, and it's no wonder a parent becomes overwhelmed in turn. Comparing children with disabilities to children who are obedient and neurotypical. I still remember this time where my brother flew into a fit of rage. He probably wasn't even 10 yet, and I was even younger. We live on the 6th floor. During this fit, my brother tried to run towards the balcony door, screaming that he was going to kill himself. My mom immediately grabbed him and moved him (with difficulty) into the hallway while he was fighting and screaming to get free. There were other occasions where my brother would have similar volatile reactions, going from 0 to 100 in an instant. What triggered it wasn't anything that would make sense, though. He would get like this only when called by his full first name. His name is nothing obscene, either. It's like being called Benjamin instead of Ben; Alexander instead of Alex. It's extremely disrespectful and ignorant for him to scoff and ask how hard it could be. What a privileged asshat.