i thought i was disgusting (emotional)

My experience with weight gain and what having to purchase jeans additional sizes up triggered from my childhood. In today's video, I'm sharing those moments from my childhood that created the inner dialogue that continuously told me, I was not enough. And how I've now recognized, those ideas were complete and utter BS. #onionpeelers
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Love you all!
-- Jannelle
This video is not sponsored. Some links are affiliate. That commission comes at no additional expense to you & makes doing what I do possible, thank you! Some products have been sent to me. I share the products that I have used and experienced good results. If I don't like it, I won't share it.

[@missoctober8859]

For what it's worth, I think a LOT of us have gained weight this year. I definitely have. Lots of stress-eating!

[@meghannunez8720]

LITERALLY SAME HEREEE

[@sunflowerbaby1853]

Everybody has childhood trauma. It follows us forever. When you confront your parents with it, they don't even remember saying or doing it. And they always say to get over it. If I could get over it I wouldn't be confronting you with it. This was a great video.

[@meghannunez8720]

LITERALLY THATS SO DAMN TRUEEE, ugh FUCK that shit honestly🙄

[@amyblaine7624]

Janelle, you’re so so beautiful. We are made to think as women that something is always wrong with us. That there is always something to fix. But the truth is, we are not our bodies. Our worth as humans does not come from our bodies. And it’s so hard to remember that sometimes. Especially during this time, we are all undergoing so much growth mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It makes sense that your body would also grow during this time as well. Keep being you, girl. You are wonderful as you are.

[@ozywomandius2290]

Well said

[@meghannunez8720]

Thank u sm😭😭😭💖💖💖💖💖

[@ericapoe]

Body image and acceptance is the hardest to overcome especially now that we’re home all the time and food is at our convenience.. Family tend to cause the most harm even when they don’t intend to. I still struggle with body issues and I’m almost 40! My hope is that all women find a place within themselves that constantly remind them “you are enough and this is who you are and it’s ok”. Thanks for you opening up about this topic. You are not alone in this exhausting journey. I cannot fit in plenty of dresses lol but I have to be ok with that. These videos and your hair videos can help so many others.

[@melissasinclair9303]

This is very true. My mom was always a bit chubby and then got very heavy when she had kids. Sth thought that if she was more proactive about it, then maybe I wouldn't get heavy, but her way of being proactive was to say, "You are gaining weight. I don't want you to end up like me" "No one will want to marry you if you are fat." etc. She MEANT well... but... and, at the time and it probably even happens to big-boned girls now, but you don't fit in the little "slots" you are supposed to. I was the HEAVIEST swimmer on the swim team in HS. I was not overweight, but I was the heaviest and add that with the other messages, and well.... I was "fat". I am 51 years old now and I'm STILL fighting things demons. My weight goes up and down so much and I still struggle with the "you aren't worth anything" voices. And it's EASY because society values thinness. But if you join a fitness site, they value only fitness - being thin isn't good enough, you also have to have the right BF percentage, etc.... It's a rabbit hole of ways to not accept who you are and how you are and it's ALL so destructive!

[@heidirosin5577]

When I sobered up 21 years ago and then FINALLY got my accurate diagnosis of bipolar disorder and started my meds I gained about 60 pounds over the next couple years it was a tough adjustment. My solution was eventual acceptance and my mantra is I'd rather be a little fat and sassy than skinny and suicidal. Of course I still have days when my body esteem fluctuates but those pounds are pounds of lifesaving grace granted by a God who created me and is still creating me in a divine image and I do my best on those days to remember that and be grateful. You get yourself a dress that fits you and do your best to honor the divine ever ongoing creation that is you. Thank you for sharing - I do the same because bringing our traumas, insecurities, shame and struggles into the light creates a path for those still trying to find their way out of the darkness. Continue shining your light - it's beautiful! ❤

[@melissasheridan6915]

Oh, darling human. You are perfect. Strong. Brave. Beautiful. Bless you.

[@cland1232]

Totally relate! I think it takes a lifetime to get past our childhood. Screw the jeans! At age 60 I switched to leggings or dresses when it's warm. Sitting in serenity at 63. Btw, you are so brave! P.s. I know, it's not really abt the Jean size, but it was so freeing taking them out of my life

[@daniellewetherell8609]

Also have given up on jeans in lieu of leggings and dresses! Wearing things that are tight and uncomfortable make me feel WORSE about my body. After giving birth to my daughter, I was like...why am I torturing myself??

[@christieb.1402]

I had a very similar experience growing up. As a young girl I knew what everyone in my family weighed. Weight was discussed constantly. Family members constantly commented on how big I was or that I sure was getting chunky. I remember having the realization that at 13 I weighed more than my dad and feeling so disgusting. When my sister would lose weight, my mom would tell my aunts and it was celebrated, while I ate secretly and gained weight rapidly because I just couldn’t meet that standard. I wasn’t enough, I could never be as thin as they needed me to be. I still carry all that today. I feel you, I’m with you.

[@ozywomandius2290]

I’m sorry you had to deal with that. It’s shocking how pervasive toxic body image has been for many of us growing up. I’ve had a struggle to retrain myself not to comment on my nieces’ appearance. Even when the comments are overwhelmingly positive, the message is still being sent that appearance is all that matters. Not on my watch, that’s my vow!!

[@wearelegion1163]

My parents used to call me “garbage pit” & my mother always made comments about my weight. They used to bribe me to lose weight. I was never medically “overweight” growing up but I ended up anorexic & bulimic for years. Finally, at 63, I’m over feeling bad about myself. People are always gonna be mean asshats & I’m not giving their bs any credence anymore.

[@lynpeacock2471]

You are so brave to put yourself “out there” like this. I appreciate your journey so far. Thank you. We all feel this way in some area of life, I believe.

[@marionevans5185]

I buying that dress

[@leahrogers9886]

This was deep. It makes me realize I'm very hard on myself and equate my worth with my weight, my performance at my job, many other things. I think a lot of us do this without realizing it.

[@lauramacbride8181]

Oh. My. God. You saying that about your dad took me right back to "boys don't like fat girls". I look back at pictures of me when my dad said that and I wish I was that thin! Before that I remember him getting my sister and I to make fun of my mom's body. It makes me cringe. It is so deep in our psyche! Thank you for this video!

[@kelseyforce4202]

Jannelle, thank you for being so open about this! I feel like most of the women in my life (including me) have had some variation of your experience with those jeans that just feel a little bit snug. Society puts such a harsh stigma on being “fat.” The sad thing is that for some people, our definition “fat” often means a healthy weight and a beautiful normal body. I still struggle to accept the numbers (weight and clothing size) but I’ve stopped looking at food as the enemy and stopped using exercise as punishment this year. I have been trying to do the things that make my body feel good (walking, meditation, yoga and dessert!). I don’t know if it’s a long term solution but I feel better trying to think that way. Thanks for bringing this topic to the forefront and for the awesome content (as usual).You are a wonderful human no matter what dress you fit in!

[@jwolfers1]

Jannelle with the popping blue eyes...I think you have opened many eyes (and brains) with your video. I know you have helped many with their internal thoughts. We always think we are the only ones thinking this way. I’m hoping that parents learn how hurtful their comments can be to their children. Your amazing content in this video really points that out. Thank you for your honesty and wonderful channel. I can’t wait to see what you put out for 2021! ❤️❤️

[@icebabu07]

I’ve started to follow your channel only recently but I have to say this: the things you’ve said went straight to my heart. I had different experiences, a completely different life, I live in a different country but I’ve felt what you described. That feeling of not being enough, not deserving what I finally achieved, has always been with me. I feel you ❤️ thank you for sharing such an intimate part of yourself ❤️

[@sarahk5724]

I can totally relate. Parents forget that kids are sensitive, whether they are teasing them or not, and this can damage their self esteem into adulthood. Stay strong!

[@jennilawrence1263]

I'm still waiting to be "skinny" so everything can finally come together for me. I get it.

[@kaleynicholson8149]

This year has sparked so many different emotions for so many people. Thank you for sharing jannelle. Sending love and peace your way. And you HAVE been putting out amazing content, please keep it up! We support you! ❤

[@ozywomandius2290]

Yes we do!

[@sherilynschneider]

Said so beautifully, Kaley. I completely agree.

[@maryamzrk945]

A lot of this genuine confidence is comin from those Curlzzzz the Lord has blessed ya with🌹🌍 The world has encouraged straight hair over curls and that has been damaging for me too

[@renah8081]

I love that you share content like this. Solidarity ❤️❤️

[@shellysbitsofteaandbeauty4953]

When people are able to be real, raw, and vulnerable, I am in awe. Thank you for that.

[@kellymulherron7819]

Lookit you not laughing at each uncomfortable moment. You're growing in all the ways that make you your beautiful self. Way to go!

[@karenlambert4798]

Love the way you laugh cry. I says a lot. Thank you for opening my eyes to my own things that don't fit. Cheers to 2021. May it be better!

[@michellesignorelli18]

Sending positive vibes your way, Jannelle. Thanks for sharing your story and being vulnerable. This hit home on a lot of levels and the more we share stories like this the less alone we all feel. I was tearing up along with you, but your comment at the end about buying a dress because you're lazy brought back the laughter. Love your channel, thanks for all you do!

[@no_middle_name4272]

Crying along with you... this really resonated with me. Thank you for always being so vulnerable and willing to share the raw, real parts of life. Much love ❤️❤️❤️

[@SarahLuAnn]

I came for curly hair advice and ended up finding this incredibly relatable video. I feel this SO MUCH and it is so affirming to have someone say it like this.

[@cindywitty8646]

Congratulations on your spiritual healing ~ it takes a lot to realize that nothing magical happens if you’re, “skinny or not skinny,” life continues. It took me many yrs. to realize that. We follow you bc we enjoy your content- you don’t have to feel like your treading water anymore. We r watching & enjoying. Keep shining! 🤩☺️

[@dawntripp1974]

This was beautiful and so very relatable! Sadly this story is so common among women. We deserve better than this! We are all different and that is what makes us all AMAZING!! Let’s not continue letting diet culture take away our happiness and self love!!

[@wendy8561]

Just found you your smile is infectious and by the way , new subscriber thank you for being transparent and honest I'm going thru alot of the same issues really it's sad and depressing but with this channel and your help we will get through this Thankyou for sharing your friend always Wendy 💌💜

[@melissasinclair9303]

I had a similar experience with being bigger (bone structure) way and just always feeling "too big" and not being able to do anything about it. And then an emotionally abusive home that ONLY valued how I looked. I gained a LITTLE weight when I was 15 and all of a sudden I was no longer pretty in my mom's eyes and the only positive attention I got from her left me and went to my sister because she was still very thin. I was told I would never meet anyone unless I lost weight (and I was maybe 15 pounds over my ideal weight?) Eventually, it led to true weight gain and feeling that if I wasn't able to be thin, 20 pounds overweight is no different than being 100 pounds overweight. Fat is fat and you are worthless if you are fat. It's taking a lifetime to overcome that and there are always people you will run into who will tear you down.

[@melissasinclair9303]

Oh, and by the way, should it be any surprise that the pediatrician told me that my younger son would probably always be an outlier on the BMI charts due to his frame size?

[@michelebuck9047]

Wow! It’s so amazing how we put so much worth on “being skinny” and all that it will bring once we obtain IT. So proud of you for being so young and allowing yourself to be so open and vulnerable to heal and share with us all your journey. I of course as well as many other women relate to your experience but for myself it has taken most of my adult life to figure why I am so f***ed up in the head. Hoping you are able to find peace and balance within yourself to see your beauty inside and out💕

[@P.Ross192]

YES! Very similar experience...my parent kept their clothing from "when they were skinny" and judged me for not fitting into them. Nevermind the fact i was a muscular athlete at the time. Then commented on what i ate constantly. Only later did i realize her mother did similar things to her....Now I have a daughter and I AM BREAKING THE CYCLE! Thank you for bringing awarness. The best we can strive for is a world where parents accept and love their kids for who they are inside & out

[@StacyRagucci]

Wow, that must have been very therapeutic.. at least I hope it was :). We had fat phobia (nice to have a name for it now) in my house too. My mom made comments that were a little harsh and she bought me a weight loss book after I had my daughter. I think in many ways it came from a good place, but came out very damaging! Here’s to a new year and trying to accept our own unique beauty!

[@LianeBayliss]

"I'm buying my own dress y'all" The best thing you have ever said!

[@MayaYunaLuna]

You are enough and valuable just because you exist as a unique expression of life! Xoxo

[@evelynjackson4426]

Girl, I'm always looking at you thinking that you are so pretty. You eyes hold an energy that most do not have. They light up. I've gained 30lbs in 2 years, I stopped smoking. My mom called me a butter ball turkey, and says, I guess you are never gonna loose that weight. It hurts. A lot.

[@clairekurdelak2913]

Congratulations on stopping smoking! That’s a really big deal. I hope you are finding a healthy lifestyle and whatever weight comes with that is ok!

[@dustinrains9292]

Dearest Jannelle, This is now the 4th time I’ve sat down to watch your video and each time, I’ve been able to catch an extra “ah-ha!” moment and I’m grateful for all of them. One of the most beautiful things (there’s way more than you know!) is your ability to be completely vulnerable AND be 110 percent genuine. While almost everyone has their own childhood trauma, you have this special ability to share your experience in a way that we feel safe. That “safeness” feeling keeps folks loyal to you and your content but also it keeps folks coming back to be a part of your community. With you chipping away at your childhood trauma, just know that you’re helping to provide a roadmap for so many of us to do the same as well as giving us the courage to begin. YOU. Thank you for showing up for yourself and having us along for the ride. You’re such a huge inspiration for my journey and I’ll always be grateful to you. I’m so proud of you and I’ll always be here rooting for you. Love you! ❤️❤️💕💕

[@CozyWithRaven]

I found your channel tonight through the function of beauty review...I watched one of your previous childhood trauma videos after, and then this. I feel a little numb, a lot of memories are resurfacing, but not taking over. I don't have access to therapy or medical help because I haven't had insurance my entire adult life and have been recovering from homelessness, so while I've certainly come a really long way in my progress, I don't have that exterior sense of validation. Hearing your story was beyond cathartic and has given me more than a few items to mull over and meditate on. Thank you so much.

[@abcd1539]

You are BEAUTIFUL. And it took me awhile to realize that about myself. I was always bigger and in last two years I've been on my fitness journey and lost 9 kilos. Now I'm stronger and feel great, but now over the holidays I gained some weight, I didn't care what I ate, I ate absolutely everything. And I don't care. I don't feel guilty because it's just FOOD! I don't fit in some of my jeans too, but I don't care. Who even cares? We're in a pandemic and I think it's okay. You are seriously beautiful, your body is beautiful. 💞

[@tammymcleod4504]

Oh darling girl. You're not damaged goods... you're YOU. A beautiful, complex, empathetic human being. You ARE of value, LOTS of value to lots of ppl. We all love you here, otherwise we'd not be following you. You've helped each and every one of us, even perhaps in the smallest way, but you've touched our lives. I love how brave you are, sharing your journey and your deepest innermost feelings and thoughts. Never forget... YOU ARE AMAZING. And that's not just some rah rah feel good shit either, it's the truth. To be putting yourself out there like you do, doing your shadow work so very publically, YOU ARE AMAZING. Lots and lots of love and hugs coming atcha, my fave youtuber. Me luv you long time, just like everyone else here does! xxxoooo

[@tammymcleod4504]

Oh, and I did forget to mention the fact that many, many ppl have gained weight this year (well last year, 2020). What are you meant to do at home, when you're locked up in your house with a full refrigerator! And it sounds like you've had lots of stress as well, plus moving states, my god, that's a lot! So of course you may have put on weight with stress (and yep, being stressed can make you put on weight), but, as you said, you're the healthiest you've ever been... so just know you're absolutely good and fine where you are right now. When the time's right, you'll drop that weight... if you really want to, if it really means that much. But yeah, just know a lot of ppl also put on weight, so it's not just you! xxoo

[@jessejames6688]

Thank you for being raw, open and honest on here. It's not something you're at all obligated to do, but sharing your heart has touched me SO MUCH. It's bold of you to talk about seeing a spiritual healer, when anything "woo woo" is heavily criticized these days as being worthless. I've been working with a psychic medium the last two years, and it has been so transformative for me in healing and growing. I'm facing darkness I had suppressed for so long. I told myself I was "healed" and "okay" and "normal", because I could function -- hold a job, go to appointments, etc. But I want to thrive. I've left relationships that aren't good for me. I've faced the internal dialogue of my hurt, inner child. I have so much more work to do, but I'm in the process, and I'm grateful for that. Wishing you the best on your path. x

[@jbirdz3609]

Always appreciate your realness! We all deserve compassion, even towards ourselves. Easy to forget ✌️💜

[@krystler7703]

It's like you took my internal monologue and put it into a KZbin video... I'm so sorry you went through this trauma. Thank you for sharing your story. It makes a huge difference to know I'm not the only one... I truly appreciate your openness and sincerity in your videos

[@Dollylynn44]

Your made to feel like you deserve the bad things that happen to you. Being in a relationship with a narracist broke me down to nothing. The words he said to me have burned into my mind creating scars that just wont heal. Im chronically ill and he said to my face that no one will love me because I was sick. So when we broke up and they next guy left me because I am sick and he couldnt handle it, it make me think "hes right hes the only one to love me I might as well go back" even though its was a very toxic relationship i was pretty much brainwashed into thinking everything he said no matter how hurtful was true. 10 years almost 11 i finally got the bravery to leave and stay gone. Working on being ok with myself has been the biggest struggle ever but im really trying . keep up the great work! One day you will breath and it will be so freeing. So stay strong!🖤

[@susanfinn7653]

Not only are you “good enough” but you are great! You have helped me in my journey, thank you for being real and being you-I like that person!

[@gpmiranda873]

Sending you love. I completely relate and wish you luck in your healing journey.

[@condorreades2148]

Major courage. Awesome what you did here. The self-exposure, the vulnerability, the honesty. Brava!

[@marygoodwin9502]

Oh Janelle, my heart breaks for you and the experiences you had growing up. Although I'll never know the exact pain you went through, I can definitely relate to growing up in a fatphobic family. I suffered from an eating disorder most of my adult life, and am finally finding peace. Thank you for being so open and honest. Your body and your beautiful mind are welcome here.

[@clairedaniels3292]

My dad was a bigger kid growing up and was bullied for it, so when I was a bigger kid, he was so worried that I was going to experience the same pain and bullying that the last thing he ever wanted me to be was fat. It was a daily message my whole childhood that I could never be happy if I wasn’t thin. I didn’t think I would be able to relate to you in this video because I am in a significantly bigger body than you, but I’m glad I watched it, because a lot of what you said really resonated with me, especially feeling like your running on a hamster wheel to reach perfection in every aspect of your life.

[@lindseydalton2771]

Thank you so much for sharing this! I really needed to hear this today. There is so much of what you shared I can relate to (down to even the specific anecdote of trying on your mom's prom dress). But the lightbulb I received was you sharing your epiphany that how you actually doing in life has not been tied to your weight. As I went through my personal history, I realized that is also the case for me. So how ridiculous to retain that internalized message that our weight is tied to our worth, when confronted with concrete evidence that that couldn't be further from the truth!

[@dianecasto3900]

What an inspiration you are for opening this dialect with your followers. I grew up with verbal abuse and finally see how judgemental my family was to me and outside strangers, I've come to realize that they are the one who need help and just want to bring you down so they can feel empowered if that makes sense..lol. I'm such a smartass that I give it right back..lol. Don't cry you are a beautiful person and alot of your followers adore you so try not to beat yourself up so much and slowly work towards your own goals and happiness ❤

[@leafchomper]

Wow, talk about lightbulbs! I can"t sleep,it's pitch black, but the room (my head) is illuminated. Thank you, thank you. You've made me understand myself so much better. So impressed you are in the best place in your life.

[@jocelynrodriguez4749]

Thanks so much for sharing this. As a mom of a tween girl, whose own mother has spent a lifetime trying to lose weight and seeing the damage it did to her and her children, I’m trying sooooooo hard to turn the tide for my beautiful girl.

[@LizbetPCB]

I appreciate your sharing. You’re lovely. I’m happy to have found you! 🥰

[@haleyanderson573]

Thanks so much for sharing! I too am working on unpacking all of my various traumas. I really want to get to a place where I am able to feel joy, and not just surviving or treading water. My whole life I have determined my own value by what others think of me and what I can offer them. Because of that, my relationships seems to always be about just me giving everything to others. I'm the support person, but nobody is ever there for me or loves me back and I feel unworthy and lonely. It's so so hard to untangle and change my thinking. You're a few steps ahead of me, but I hope I can get there! 💜🙂 And hopefully surround myself with people where there's mutual give and take (if that makes sense!). Anyway, I think you're amazing!

[@christinarezanow6433]

I didn't know I needed this. Thank you. You're not alone.

[@andiwv]

Thank you for this courageous video. It resonates with me so much, and I needed to hear it this morning. I started following you because we have similar hair types, and having only recently discovered my hair is naturally curly (as opposed to straight and frizzy/unruly), I have also been trying to embrace it and treat it well as a small part of my larger journey of healing and self-acceptance. I grew up hearing my mom say she hates herself and calling herself fat, and I also internalized those messages. Perhaps because I thought my mom was beautiful and I wanted to be like her, I began dieting and exercising by age 11, even though I was at a healthy weight. I don’t think you need to apologize for expressing or experiencing your body image struggles despite “thin privilege” because, as many of us have learned, the external world and our external condition do not always dictate our internal experience (not to dismiss those who have suffered discrimination and other hurts for not fitting into physical societal norms). Wishing you peace and self-love in this new year and hoping you’ll keep posting videos like this every now and then when it feels right for you!

[@frenchiegirlintheusa]

We love you regardless of what size you are. Remember you are amazing, you are beautiful and you are loved hugsssss 🤗

[@jbmac]

Beautifully said. So heartfelt and raw. Thank you for sharing!

[@sarahfrank7087]

This is so beautiful! Thank you for sharing! I can absolutely identify! I love your honesty, I love that I felt as though I was there sitting with you, and I especially loved your laughter through tears! You are a superwoman!

[@MarielaPerCal]

Your laugh is so contagious! Thank you for sharing ❤️

[@Satidrya]

The part where you talk about your dad really hit home for me. Mine would continuously scrutinize any part of my body that he deemed "too big". Even when I was doing sports 4 times a week (dancing and horseriding), which made my legs really muscular, he would comment on it and tell me they were too big and I needed to work on that. Like you, I do not believe there was malicious intent, nor did he realise how it would affect me, but that stuck with me for the longest time. Thinking that he did not love me as much as my (skinny) brothers and that I was worth less than them. Years of extensive therapy and counseling have taught me that I am worthy, always have been and my dad was just a D. Also, now having a partner for 5 years who adores my thunder thighs and big butt.... big help. Dear Janelle, you are beautiful, you are worthy, you have value and I know there are many people that appreciate you. A big virtual hug from my heart to yours

[@rthorne1985]

My self image is so distorted I remember my prom dress being passed on to my cousins twins. One had always been bigger than the other, their structure was always different. In high school I remember feeling big. But, my mother called me and said my prom dress was too small and I said to give it to the smaller twin to which my mother replied it was too small for that twin already. In my eyes the smaller twin looked sick and it made me question how I really looked during my senior year. Today I wouldn't even be able to get that dress over my thigh. I struggle with actually being overweight and having a sore body because of the extra weight I carry. My mental health has suffered greatly since my weight gain. I also have no Jean's that fit and I keep telling myself I'll get back on track once I'm allowed back at my gym. I need the gym for my physical and mental wellbeing.

[@kathyanderson9775]

YES!! It means NOTHING!! ❤️ 🙏 ❤️

[@brianavega-card7344]

I love your laugh! So happy that you’ve had the courage to heal your soul ♥️ we are the best project we can ever work on!

[@maureentoomey6521]

Thank you for sharing! You're so strong and brave. You're AWESOME! Never give up!

[@angelamonahan2377]

You are such a beautiful person, Jannelle, inside and out. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us. 💜

[@oliviaball9664]

Thank you you for being willing to share your struggles. Your words reminded me of a prayer of self compassion that I’ve worked with in trauma therapy. Sending this to you and to all of us: May you know that you are worthy to live your life just as you are ❤️

[@leahfreeman342]

Thank you so much for your vulnerability💜 you are so lovely. And so relatable. Thank you for sharing!

[@dakota-rosewitchard307]

I’ll always remember my mother discussing my weight with my nan, my boyfriends mother, her friends. It hurt so much to hear them make comments while I was so young, I felt like so much of my importance came from my size and not from who I was. Now as a adult I’ve managed to lose weight for the first time and I’m amazed at how far I’ve come but the comments have now changed. My weight is still being discussed but instead of being judged for how much I’ve gained I’m being judged for “losing my curves”. Being told that I need to stop working out or I’ll be nothing but skin and bones, constantly being told that I’ve lost my boobs and having my mum bring up I’ve lost my boobs when someone comments on my weight or anytime she feels like bringing it up. It’s frustrating that I’ve managed to start feeling like I’m being “healthy”, I see muscle growing and my strength improving but the people in my life just think it’s about me wanting to look a certain way and judging me for not looking the way they expect me to.

[@marlalobo9549]

We all need to practice forgiveness of ourselves. I always think, do I give a shit if someone else gains weight? Does it change their value to me? It does not. We MUST give ourselves the same grace & understanding. Your value to me hasn't changed, no matter what jeans you wear. You are beautiful and funny and helpful and a great teacher no matter what you look like. Your SOUL, your SPIRIT is what matters.

[@cindybrook0520]

Hey, I want you to know that you are not alone out there. I can identify a lot with your childhood trauma. I've been through this as well after carrying an eating disorder for some 40 years before breaking free. This is where I learned that a number does not define me (weight, clothes size, calorie intake, measuring food). I've embraced my body's natural set point and am grateful that I have allowed myself that freedom. Thank you for sharing.

[@stevieray7203]

You are redefining healthy for YOU! Big hug lady 🧡

[@paganodesignworks]

I think you are so beautiful. I have similar issues, plus 25 years. You sharing your story of what I see is cognitive dissonance illustrates my own. I hope you realize how fabulous you are!

[@HillaryHarris]

I can so relate - hormone weight gain due to menopause - all my beautiful clothes don't fit. :( Thank you for sharing. You be you - you are beautiful!

[@lisazager9315]

Totally related to this video. Thank you for sharing. Sending you much love and healing energy. ❤️

[@MariePierCharron]

The « strength » it takes to be thin is nothing, compared to the strength it takes to love ourselves at every weight, despite all the objectification we experience and the weird beauty standards that have be drilled into us. THAT is true courage. I am so on fire about this, and so sick of seeing us women lose our precious life energy over this. Love, love, love.

[@MelissaP.]

You are so brave and wonderful! We love you for who you are!

[@tessawilloughby3506]

Long time subscriber but first time commenter. Thank you for your openness in sharing your journey of healing and also for the creation of a community that is so much more than product recommendations. I too envisioned being thin when meeting all my life goals. But I have found that as I come in to my true self-one that feels loved and seen-I don’t look the way I thought I would.

[@araeofwellness5660]

So many can relate to this! You are not alone girl 😘

[@raneehaywood9988]

Thank you so much for your bravery in making this video. I am 53 and about four years ago I had a breakthrough with my weight and lost 30lbs or so putting me around 168 which is still above the ideal weight for my 5'4" height. Even though I was not at the standard optimal weight for my height I felt very healthy and good about myself. In the last 2 years my job changed to a desk job and a few other stressful things came up and I find myself back up to 187lbs and feeling ugly and defeated and telling myself my husband deserves better (even though he has never said anything negative about my body). You are beautiful and inspiring! THANK YOU!

[@una877]

Jannelle you are beautiful, and I always love the aura you give off ❤ Also, I feel like jeans are OVERRATED. Why do we subject ourselves to restrictive clothing that doesn't provide for natural weight fluctuations? Most times throughout history, women were wearing loose-fitting clothes which didn't necessitate such stringent weight maintenance! The standard cut of women's clothes just don't match the curves that most women have. I think I look better without clothes than with them, at least haha.

[@karenwohlman6837]

You always speak so eloquently and make total sense! Thanks for sharing Jannelle. I love that you’re so real ❤️

[@katyaflo1806]

Thank you for sharing this and sharing your vulnerability. I friggin live for this type content. Growth bitcheesssssss

[@Burgundysky]

I feel like this also. Im in my 30s and i think of all the time i waisted feeling discusting- yet its so hard to stop :( hugs janelle

[@ozywomandius2290]

Thank you for sharing about this important realization you have attained in your healing. I’m sorry you had to hear such upsetting things from the people you probably loved the most. It’s so wonderful when the harmful notions that we’ve been using to inform our relationship to ourselves get seen for what they really are and are put in proper perspective. I’m so happy to hear about all the good things that have come into your life as a result! I know a Phoenix when I see one, and I’m rooting for you! 😉

[@christinebrazier6408]

Wow! That was powerful! Thank You for sharing of yourself. Your honesty helps so many. I shared this with several woman who I know will benefit. I am right with you lady. Progress...not perfection. Spiritual and emotional Growth is the goal.

[@annmartin1376]

as long as you are eating nutritious food, and being active several times a week , don't worry about sizes...... .. walking for enjoyment is good too. You are fine the way you are despite the toxic comments during the time you were growing up........Thank you for addressing this and explaining the harm from toxic comments.. skinny does not equal healthy.....everyone is different.....different shapes, and sizes....well described, well explained, and expressed. Good for you!!

[@Marxnchill]

Damn. Thanks for sharing your vulnerability with us. Very thought-provoking. I hope your mom can get some therapy or something. That’s straight up abuse.

[@MrsKeane25]

I have been fat shamed my entire life. Outside them home, inside the home and in my head. The intuitive eating book helped me lose the diet mindset. Its soooo freeing. Girl buy clothes you love. Love your body as it is. Nourish your body, do with your body what you love. I'm excited for you to break out of this diet system. There are so many systoms in this world that we don't even know we are in or part of. This is a path with lots of ups and downs but you will feel more and more you. That is so special because you are fearfully and wonderfully made to be fully you.

[@touchsoulstar]

Thank you! I appreciate your vulnerability and sharing your experience. I think this is all too common in our fat phobic culture. My family is steeped in body/fat shaming. And my whole life I’ve struggled with body image issues, starting as a very thin child. My weight has fluctuates up and down quite a bit over the years. And since the pandemic it has been going up which has done a number on my psyche. I’ve been living in stretchy yoga pants for the most of the past year. And I’m trying to love myself the way I am, not some ever illusive “treading water” unsustainable ideal I have imprinted in my mind from cultural message of what bodies are considered “valued”. It’s a long journey to find peace with what is and not always self-criticize.

[@kathryn2334]

Just sending you a hug, Jannelle. A sort of psychological hug - you are beautiful in every way.

[@kqu752]

Loving yourself is so hard. We need to be kind to ourselves and one another. Thanks for sharing at this time. Great opportunity to start off the year with kindness and love. Thanks...and btw...you are gorgeous 🥰

[@prettyfuckinfeminist4084]

I love you so much, Jannelle. Thank you for sharing. I relate so much and tried on that dress too. I appreciate you sharing your experience. It does make people feel normal, I know it helps me identify things I picked up on and have carried. It’s so badass that you are able to be so vulnerable on such a public forum.

[@SarahBabe]

I feel you so hard on the "trying on Mom's old dress and not fitting it." I've always been just a larger person than my mother.

[@nataliejenner3318]

Thank you for sharing this. It really resonates with me, particularly during these difficult pandemic times. Although I didn't struggle with my weight growing up, being in lockdown has been difficult, particularly where food is concerned and I'm starting to feel bad about my body and my weight. I have let myself get to this weight and emotional eating has been tough to beat. I obsess about the pant size I wear because I don't want to wear a bigger size. I've always felt better about my body when I'm a certain size and I have decided this new year that one of my goals for the new year is to challenge myself to lose some weight where I can be at a healthy weight that makes me feel more like me. I love your laugh and your personality. You are an inspiration to watch. Love you!

[@daisy7308]

So identify with your feelings cause I'm a recovering alcoholic the past the trama the not loving myself I'm learning how to own my own dress as u put it and create positive habits so I can bring out the best version the authentic me. thanks so much for sharing your pain ... and I love the hair videos I never new how to style my own hair Lol 🤪 on my journey.. happy new year and thanks again 🌻🙏

[@Anfani]

I loved this vulnerability. Thank you for sharing. Healing takes time and I love that this is the path that you are on. Trauma is something I am working on as well from childhood and it starts blossoming something great. Go through it to get to the other end. So rewarding. Much love 💛

[@_luciasanchez]

Thank you for this video, you are so brave for being so honest. You made me cry.

[@brandieak1]

I remember my mom telling me to never judge someone because they are "fat" because, we don't know why. They could be disabled, they could have an illness, it could simply be genetics... I'm so sorry you have felt this way. You are so beautiful and intelligent. Please look at yourself through my eyes. You are not your body! You are a beautiful soul!