PEELING AWAY THE LAYERS OF CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (emotional)

[@jacqulinemartin1558]

I’m a retired psychotherapist and sharing your story truly helps those who’ve suffered trauma while also helping individuals who haven’t experienced trauma gain a better understanding of childhood trauma and it’s effects.

[@minnauyeda8002]

So resonating with all you feel and say here. Trauma in childhood literally changes our brains, and chemistry. It makes things like learning exceedingly difficult. Childhood trauma also forces us to be excellent at compartmentalizing so we can function. Like you said, survival is the priority. I wonder if all trauma causes a malfunction in the “warning trigger” , meaning what should trigger a sense of danger doesn’t work because we’re always in danger. In my case of sexual abuse from 4-17. Big hugs to you, you’re courageous and lovely!

[@Shetooktothewoods]

❤️ As a violence researcher, I can tell you that your boundaries around controlling behavior (which is a huge indicator of intimate partner violence - violence is always about control) is a huge step in breaking the intergenerational cycle of domestic violence. Women who witnessed or experienced violence in childhood are several times more likely to experience IPV as adults and men who witnessed/experienced violence in childhood are much more likely to perpetrate it. Sharing your story also contributes to breaking the silence and stigma that allow it to continue. I have no doubt that you WILL be ok. (Also, we desperately need a hug emoji)

[@miniciominiciominicio]

Angela Bourassa There is one 🤗☺️

[@valeriemackle5647]

🫂😘

[@hilaryb8538]

Cycles of abuse are hard to break. My father came from a family with emotional, physical and sexual abuse. He unfortunately continued the cycle and I was the older sister who put myself in his attention to keep him away from my sister. I also presented myself as okay and all my self-destructive behavior was overlooked. I began to self-medicate with alchohol, weed, pills then meth. Now I'm alcohol/drug free because I'm now learning to cope with my past. I'm still learning to deal with my anxiety but I no longer self-medicate. But I wasn't able to learn to cope in a healthy manner until I completely cut my relationship with my father that side of my family. It's hard to learn what healthy boundaries are best for us. But we are breaking those traumatic cycles. Our past has made us the person we are but we can refuse to let our past define us and consume our future. Congratulations on owning your past. May your journey continue to break the harmful effects of the past so your future can outshine all the shadows.

[@sooziew1938]

As a survivor of childhood trauma myself I totally feel you. I'm 35 years and still dealing with all the stuff that comes from it. I've learnt that neither of my parents are positive parents so I see them on my terms but man alive they take it out of me. I know live 3 hours away and don't drive so I only have see them a handful of times a year which I am good with. But like your parents both my parents are also from childhood trauma which they never broke the cycle of. I love my little girl so much that I've warned my parents that if they ever behave in certains ways then I won't include her in their lives. I never ever want her to feel that fear I felt most of my life up till I was 18 and left to go to university.

[@jennifersmalarz5910]

It’s a lifelong process to heal

[@catherinemarkham235]

My loving father died when I was 9mths old. Leaving me with an emotionally abusive mother, who had tried to abort me. Only ever rejection from her. Huge onion. Huge tree roots. Married an emotionally abusive man (as you usually do). I'm 67yrs old. Been divorced 9yrs. I'm nearly healed. I looked ok, but what massive roots ran so deep. You're being brave and wise to take this on early. Keep going and you'll get there way before I have. I think the problem is you can't see emotional abuse, so it's not recognised, accepted, and dealt with the same. God Bless 💕

[@TragicallyDelicious]

My 'mom' used to tell me she 'never had to worry about me' Why wouldnt my mother worry about me? I was adopted, and always told I was ungrateful. For what? Did I ask you to be my mother??? I know this was hard, but oure helpoing people come to terms with their own stuff Janelle. Thank you, for being so vulnerable, and brave to come here and share this with us. THIS is the video that made me sub your channel

[@rr965]

Omg yesss, the ungrateful thing. Argh. I’d managed to forget that part of my entire super fun abusive childhood 😂😭😂

[@shevyakamichelle6905]

The raw-ness of your videos on this is palpable. I admire your ability to share in the hopes that someone else can learn. You are so powerful! Thank you.

[@hillbillygirl12345]

Your journey in uncovering your trauma has been inspiring and led me to uncover 10 years worth of trauma and my Ptsd. And one of my triggers is parents still controlling my decision and my life

[@arhes69]

Everything you said is exactly my experience. I seriously thought I was the only one who felt this was and was going though this. Thank you so much for sharing. It takes so much guts to cry and be so vulnerable in front of so many people. I am honored that you shared this with us. Thank you. 🌻

[@JulieRaeDoherty]

I’d encourage you to check out the book “the assertive option” which outlines how and why it’s so important to set boundaries with the people in your life. It has been so impactful and has changed my outlook and a lot of my behaviors. Hugs to you. Thanks for sharing.

[@mrspress8057]

I can relate, unfortunately. I grew up in an abusive home. My father was mentally, emotionally and physically abusive to all of us, but especially my mother. School was a struggle for me too as I was dragged out of bed all hours of the am by my father to listen to him berate my mother, sometimes worse, or kept awake all night listening to him scream at her, or slapping her around, then expected to go to school on time and act like nothing was wrong. He is very manipulative with everyone, and though I haven’t lived with them in over twenty years, he still tries to manipulate and control me. I try to be civil with him, but it’s difficult tbh. I was also sexually abused by some of his side of the family, which I believe he knew about and did nothing to stop it, though I have no proof of it. I have to continually forgive in order to have the slight relationship that we have, which is a typically short (sometimes not short enough) phone call. The older I get the more I struggle with my relationship with my mother as well...bc she stayed with him, still is to this day. I’ve heard good things about EMDR therapy, it’s supposed to be great for PTSD. I wish you luck on your journey to wholeness and being healed. It’s not an easy process (I have quit trying for now), you seem to be making great progress, try not to give up.

[@danacampbell1596]

Jannelle! I so, so appreciate your authenticity and vulnerability... I too have my own story, but this is me celebrating you for setting boundaries! That is some very hard work you have done. I am excited for your continual growth. I look forward to seeing more videos from you to watch you emerge from all of your past trauma... you totally rock, girl!

[@puggirl415]

I so feel you. I grew up for my first 10 years of life with a violent alcoholic and a co-dependent enabling that. I'm dealing with my trauma and processing it in 12 step and in therapy and with the help with my partner. The other day I was talking to my Dad because Coronavirus and checking up on him. Now I have no income as all my jobs are cancelled but all he wants to talk about is my brother and how he might be taking a pay cut but still has a job and most of the $$. Ok fine but then I tell him that I'm doing my therapy through Zoom and attending my 12 step meetings online and he says with a straight face, " What are you going to 12 step meetings for?" " Are you drinking too much?" (I don't drink) I said, No, I attend ACA that's Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families." Sudden Silence on his end and a quick end to the conversation. I can just imagine the conversation he's having with my step Mother. Some people just can't see past their own pain and take responsibility for what they have done.

[@clschaan]

I equate my childhood trauma to carrying a rotten piece of fruit in my pocket. Always with you, always there. Three years ago I confronted my abuser and ended communication which was the best thing for me.

[@dannettecraig6094]

You nailed it so proud of YOU let your voice be heard!!!!

[@marie_h1104]

A friend of mine said something that resonated with me: "It's okay to not be okay."

[@rachelhoward1970]

You’re very well-spoken! Thanks for teaching us about these topics and telling us about these sensitive issues you’re dealing with in your life.

[@RissaRawks]

Jannelle, I'm there with you. I just started going through therapy and it's uncovering all sorts of things I hadn't realized I had never dealt with. My mother never showed up to my custody hearing. When she died I had all sorts of conflicting emotions. I'm so happy for you that you're actively working through it, and you're definitely not alone. 😘

[@l.kelshan6300]

Hey, I found your channel by accident.. but, I just wanted to say that I truly hope that you NEVER EVER give up hope for anybody look or anything! You are a very intellegent and pretty person....you DESERVE to have an awesome life in the present. You are stronger than you mignt even know you are. I believe that women in general are stronger than we may even be aware of. Keep pushing past the UGLY your life CAN improve....mine certainly did! I have lived with at least with alcoholics...and God!!! Was that EVER HARD TO DO!!! I wasn't always well after that. I also had a ton of hatred because of those alcoholics in my life !! It took me a long time to heal, but,I did. I hope YOU heal and feel real joy beyond your wildest expectations!!

[@chan21782003]

Oh, dear heart. I'm only 3 minutes in, and I just want to hug you so hard.

[@bre3108]

I became my own adult at 10yrs old...my mom. She's highly destructive and no good for me, really didn't raise me right. Thanks for sharing.

[@yullinaty]

Omg I was looking for a wash day routine and decided to click into this video and as I listen this touch home so deeply. It took a long time and therapy for me to start learning to set boundaries since I was afraid to even set them and then for my family I started getting push back but it takes time I'm still trying to have a healthy relationship with my parents as their fights ended with me living with my grandmother and aunt. I hope you are doing better keep at it 🤗

[@mariena.r5496]

Woah, u r super strong! I am so grateful for having such a wonderful family and friends that never let me down, they are truly the reason why i smile everyday♥️

[@miniciominiciominicio]

Marién A.R Just can’t imagine what that’s like, and what kind of person I would have been. Although I jealous of you, I’m also relieved that some people do not have childhood trauma because it seems like it’s the norm.

[@nottambula79]

thank you for sharing your childhood (and remembering me why I do my work), a big hug! Great end, we try to be better everyday and to take care of ourselves.

[@dori.32]

Aw. I so get you. My mom verbalized to me “I always knew you’d be ok.” Spoiler alert, I wasn’t always ok. .... But I’m ok now 😃👍

[@JannelleOShaughnessy]

It’s such a dismissive thing to say. I’m glad you’re okay now, and I’m sorry your pain was dismissed then.

[@SK_30241]

As I started going to therapy at 27 years old, I began to address things I had suppressed all of my life. I started becoming really bitter towards my mother and I communicated in a courteous manner how I was feeling and why. She responded with merely saying she just did the best she could and hoped not to mess us (my siblings too) up. It felt so dismissive and unsatisfying. Further into my healing journey I've come to realize that she was another human being with unhealed trauma and was probably just doing the best that she could at the capacity of who she was at the time. The bitterness is less than it was just from understanding that point.

[@TragicallyDelicious]

My abusicve mother told me 'she never had to' worry abiut me. It always felt sooo wrong to hear from her. That was the nicest she was.

[@valroufus7884]

You sharing this message is so important and meaningful. Thank you for opening up so much. I also grew up in an angry violent household and was also always assumed to be "ok", those scars run deep. I have been able to work with both parents to repair relationships but there are still times when I just don't have the strength and the anger/hurt/disappointment surfaces and then I know I need to take a step back and give myself the grace and distance to work through those feelings. My faith has helped a lot with this. Bless you and keep fighting for that little 5 year old girl. :)

[@VengefulAngeI]

Setting healthy boundaries AND enforcing them consistently is so important in any relationship, and being able to do so after trauma, and especially setting boundaries with a person who played a role in that trauma is DEFINITELY something to be proud of.

[@loribalensiefen8427]

Thank you for sharing part of your story with us. I, too, am a survivor of childhood trauma and while I have healed in so many ways, I still discover new layers that need healing from time to time. Your strength, experience, and hope are inspirational for us all! ❤

[@aurelijagrubliauskaite2332]

I'm just beggining to work with my onion and my boundaries, but I was excited to find out about opportunity to say no. It is such a simple thing, to all the kids from relatively healthy families, but it excites me, a grown ass last year uni student. Good luck with your journey and thank you for sharing and caring about yourself 💚

[@dontbelieveeverythingyouth9863]

Janelle, I love you even more after hearing this. You are brave to share. The saddest part is often the victims become the perpetrators (your Dad). I had to divorce my ex because of his rage he could not control due to his childhood trauma. I can't imagine what you've been through. I think most have some kind of childhood trauma me included. Sharing is therapy and so helpful to others that get validation by what you say. Much love to you! Lisa

[@tamarapace3036]

Thank you for being so vulnerable with us. I know that your words and your story will help people, people that you will never know about.

[@deegee2307]

You should feel proud!!! Here’s to boundaries!!! You are amazing!!!

[@mirabai305]

I respect your desire to have a relationship with your father. I think you are incredibly brave for pursuing it. I had to go the other way. It took a lot of time and a lot of therapy but I finally understood that I can't change them or their perspectives, and thus, there was no value to be had from having a relationship. My healing wasn't going to happen if I stayed in contact. I chose being a fully fleshed out woman and human being over being a daughter. I'll also never be brave enough to put my face to my story, so I thank you a million times over for sharing yours with us. You truly are a badass!

[@vanessaaustin6242]

Your openness and honesty is beautiful and breathtaking. I have been watching videos for tips on my curly hair journey., which they have helped out so much. Honey in this video I cried right along with you ❤. Thank you for sharing and THANK YOU for being Brave, Beautiful and strong!

[@cassielocklear8399]

The little girl in my heart is hugging the little girl in your heart. I can definitely relate to the stomping of boundaries when they are set and the frustration and sense of..well for me, it's this feeling of "what's the fucking point". The part where you said that they try to put you back into the "I'm the parent you're the kid and do as I say" resonates with me as I am still learning boundaries with my own mother. The reminders, the "you need to do this for your house"..it almost feels demeaning. But the beautiful thing is that as adults we are learning to set boundaries and hold that wall. I'm so glad that you have the support with your SO and that you can enjoy and love a person that boundaries are not obstacles to surpass to gain control. Thank you so so so much for sharing with us this very emotional moment with us. Love you lots, hun. You are an amazing warrior.

[@kaylieschellhammer8579]

Ok, bawling and laughing with you while I'm watching this. This is me to a T, except I'm not at the point where I can have a relationship with my father. I have 5 other siblings who are all also trying to navigate their own trauma. It's amazing to me the specific different things that we each internalized from our childhood and how we react/respond to them as adults. All different things. Anyway. Love and light your way! Proud of you!

[@estherwalker5397]

Well done setting those boundaries! Sending virtual hugs 💕You are an eloquent and well-spoken woman.

[@jessicacompton5371]

♥️ my heart hurts for you. I grew up in a violent home and I’m 39 years old now and just realizing how traumatized I am from it. Sending love to you. Know that you are not alone and all of us (your subscribers) are here. If you want someone to talk to I’m here.

[@becurious17]

Jannelle, thank you for sharing your experience and story with us. I'm proud of you for setting your boundaries and I'm proud of your overall progress healing from the trauma you experienced. I'm 31 years old now and 4 years ago I chose to cut off all contact with my father. In my childhood and throughout my life, he was violent and abusive as well. I also have 2 sisters, but I'm the youngest. After my mother died 6 years ago things got really bad with my father. I struggled for a while before finally making the choice to cut him out of my life for my own safety and well-being. My older sisters continue to have a relationship with him, which of course is their choice to make. I do recognize, like you mentioned as well, that my father and mother's abuser/victim behaviors came from their own childhood traumas. It is a horrible and tragic cycle. I know that what my father has done throughout his life comes from a place of deep pain. Even knowing that, I recognized that in order for me to break the cycle and care for myself as best as I can to recover and heal, I had to break off contact. I still experience triggers of course. I have horrible days and I have good days. Trauma certainly does have many layers. I have an anxiety disorder and panic attacks, but I no longer self-medicate with alcohol and drugs like I did in my teens and early 20s. I've come a long way and I'm proud of myself for who I am right now. Watching you speak, Jannelle, I was crying along with you. I feel the pain and I feel for everyone else that has experienced trauma in any form. Please, to anyone reading this who is going through something similar, know that it is okay if you make the choice to cut off contact with your abuser who is a family member. It's an extremely personal choice, and only you know if it's possible to maintain a relationship with someone with the proper boundaries put in place. But if you feel that it's best to end the relationship, if your boundaries are never honored, if the abuser continues to make no effort to change, and you are not dependent on them financially or domestically, then know that it's okay to say goodbye. I have received mixed opinions about my choice. Certain family members have called me selfish and I've heard the line, "But he's your FATHER...he's FAMILY" and it makes me sad to hear those things, but I know I made the right choice. Being related by blood doesn't give someone the right to abuse me. You have to determine for yourself what you are willing to tolerate in your life. You have to establish how you will allow yourself to be treated. It can be really difficult and painful. It took me years to even learn what boundaries are and to feel empowered enough to even create my own. And I'm still learning how to function like a healthy adult. But I'm not giving up. I wish healing for anyone that needs it right now. The world is in such a strange place right now, and for many people stuck at home we are being confronted more with our own thoughts, triggers, and dark memories as we have so much time to self-reflect. But I hope that if you are experiencing this that you come out on the other side having worked through at least one more layer. Sending you love today. 💜

[@mitzi916]

{{Virtual HUGS}} Thank you for sharing and being so open and honest with us, Janelle. This wasn't easy an easy video to make but I bet you will help so many people that watch this. We're here for you, you just don't see us... but I trust you feel us. Sending you lots of Love, Light & Laughter to comfort and heal!

[@maddydaniels2153]

Sending all the love & every ounce of respect. I’m in the beginning stages of healing. This video was everything for me. I look forward to seeing, listening, & learning from all of your future videos. You inspire, please continue to be your authentic self, the world (and I) need it❤️

[@bridgetking4553]

I understand the conflicting feeling and the pain that comes with trying to have a stable relationship with abusive parents. I hear you, I see you, I know the isolated, lonely feeling that seems to just take over your life. My mom has an eating disorder and projects her issues onto me. My dad had no boundaries, he treated me and talked to me like how you treat a girlfriend ever since I was like 5, so I was scared of him and still don’t trust him or care about having a good relationship. I got even more withdrawn after I was molested and raped on and off from age 12 for 5 years by this kid who wouldn’t leave me alone. So safety has never been something I’ve felt. With childhood trauma learning how to feel safe and what safety is is very hard and so painful.

[@danielledammeyer7764]

Thank you for sharing this. You should be proud of yourself. I didn’t have physical abuse, but emotional abuse in my childhood that I’ve just started working through. I related to so much of what you said. I’m working on setting boundaries so I am really thankful for your courage in sharing this. It inspires me to be stronger in protecting myself. Thank you again.

[@daniellejennings9016]

I'm with you. Thank you for being so open and vulnerable. ❤

[@chrischambers7407]

wow, did your talk resonate with me, school being my "safe place", my normal time, being able to "read" the room, the inner feelings of others, (for my protection), not knowing what normal was for so long, and realizing each dang day how it impacted me. I cried as you cried, and felt your joy at setting boundaries! you go girl!!

[@CadaverQT]

I have developed BPD due to my childhood, and it hurts to no end to realize that my life is so difficult because of other people's inability to address their own issues or their parents' inability to address the issues. Ignoring the problem doesn't fix it, and it breaks people. For no reason! For pride?? And I SO get it with them expecting you to keep up with everyone else and to be like everyone else when they've given you that kind of environment. It's like someone breaking your ankle and expecting you to compete with runners. It's so wrong. I feel that. I hope this video was therapeutic for you! It's an emotional and complicated issue. Keep loving yourself

[@Sallythekitty]

It’s because of people like you with a voice giving people like me words to go to my story - I’m still learning how to sort this out but our stories are so similar and the truth is we weren’t ok , we are just surviving and you (like me and so many others) are badass’ for pushing through and breaking that cycle ❤️ you validated a lot for me and I’m saving this video - I watch you for curly hair vids and get probably the best advice/experience from your video - awesome job !!

[@samithprinklez1093]

I really identify with what you say about everyone thinking you'll be okay. That you can take it. It's only been the last couple years that my parents are acknowledging how awful my childhood was. I raised my siblings in many ways, and I did a damn good job. They're awesome. But I shouldn't have had to do it. And now looking back, I realize I wasn't okay. I constantly was falling apart. But no one listened when I asked for help. Now I'm trying to piece everything back together and figure out who I am separate from the hurt. Thank you for your honesty. It's more helpful than you know. And AMAZING job standing up for yourself and what you need. You're kick ass, girl!

[@kimmcclaflin3383]

You, dear heart, are an extremely brave and articulate young woman. The immense work invested into your healing is very evident. Your openness and willingness to be vulnerable about your journey tells me you are a leader and you will help many. Stay well. You are needed.

[@SK-sc5pu]

Thank you for sharing! I had to comment on the fact that you mentioned you laugh as a coping mechanism. I’ve always done that too, but never knew that was why until I heard you say it.

[@LakonianLion]

Thank you for posting this video. Many of us come from 1st or 2nd generation immigrants where certain "behavior" was acceptable. I have a much stronger bond with my parents 30 years after I married the love of my life (whom they despised!). Stay strong and true to your beliefs and feelings. You are a wonderful person and you have such a bright future ahead of you. Sending you much love from Los Angeles. --a crazy Greek who totally understands.😗

[@aloa4382]

Thanks for sharing and helping us seeing your 5 year old inner child needs and feelings. I haven’t experienced myself that type of aggression but had a very authoritative father that also always thought as a child I was always fine. I appreciate your sharing because now as a mother of 3 girls it helps me reminding they have their own reality which is as important as any adults one and need my time and support. Thanks Jannelle!

[@heidirosin5577]

Love that you are speaking out and sharing - bringing your experience into the light is healing. I have my own story that is different but still required therapy to heal a shame base, mental health diagnosis and meds and sobriety (21 years and going strong). I speak out whenever and wherever I can because the more we speak up the more others feel safe too. You go girl - lots of love and healing hugs 🤗❤🔥

[@paganodesignworks]

Wow you are so articulate and strong! So helpful. You ARE a total badass!

[@natashacollins1850]

Yesssssss!!!! Allllll of this. Peeling back those layers is the hardest. I have kids now and have been trying to focus more on healing myself so as not to Cause my children trauma. You rock, thank you for talking about this.

[@PurpleCows]

Thank you so much for sharing!! And great job in setting that boundary!! I'm so proud of you!! It was beautiful to see the point where you got a little more comfortable and were able to cry without shielding it with a laugh ❤️❤️❤️

[@LizaLikeMinnelli]

Good job sharing. So hard to do and scary and helpful for many of us. Thank you.

[@messily1456]

You. Are. Speaking. My. Language. I hear you! And I'm so proud of you! Setting boundaries with parents is HARD. Way to go with the courage!

[@chelseaelam7125]

You’re truly impressive. I dealt with some trauma throughout my childhood and struggle with how often I’ve been told people are just so impressed with how welll I turned out or how great I am doing. I can’t even open my betterhelp to read the 3 messages my therapist has sent me over the last couple weeks. Here’s to trying to be a badass like you

[@serina_makeup_mama4094]

First of all, you are so strong and inspiring. I myself had a flashback while I was watching your video and now I cant stop crying. Lol I was bullied over most of my 12K, and Japanese is my first language. I totally understand when you talked about language comprehension. I moved here in States back in 2008 and had to learn the language, and realized how awful my vocabulary comprehension was. I have chunk of memories that I cannot restore or remember at all from the years of pain because my mental health wasnt in a good state at all and I felt so lonely all the time. Suicidal thoughts are pretty normal in my every day routine. You might have actually gave me an idea though. I'm praying for you for more layers to come. We got this🥰 thank you so much for sharing.

[@maryamzrk945]

Throughly enjoyed this, keeping the smiles from your most recent video in mind! Bless your heart, darling

[@LadyKC67]

I know I’m late to the discussion but I just joined your channel and I wanted to add something. Have you ever researched narcissism and narcissistic parents? If not, you should. I had a narcissistic mother (and sister) and a sociopathic father. I had childhood violence and trauma too, so I really feel you. Narcissists can’t take any kind of boundaries. They have to be in charge, and they want full access to you 24/7/365. When they can’t get that, they blow. I have chronic illness and mornings are so difficult for me. I politely asked family to not call me before noon unless it’s an emergency. And you’d think the world was ending, the freak out that ensued. You setting a boundary with your father and him reacting similar to what I experienced (and the violence period), makes me wonder if he’s a narcissist. And if he is, you may not be able to have any kind of healthy relationship with him no matter how hard you try. Sometimes, in order to have peace, you have to go no contact. I had to. And it’s been the most peaceful life ever since. I had no idea it could be this way. Check into the disease, see if your father could fit that criteria. Then you’d know if you can actually have a healthy relationship with him or are just spinning your wheels and keeping yourself abused and gaslighted. Take care of you first, beautiful lady. YOU are important. You matter. You deserve a happy, drama free life. ❤️

[@TragicallyDelicious]

Surviving is more than getting through that day, or even other days, but yes layers. And the shit they leave us to process is insidious.

[@beautyisageless1]

What an amazing and brave young woman you are! I am a therapist and hearing you talk about this is so true for so many - thank you for sharing! 💖

[@jessicacompton5371]

And thank you for sharing and being so open. I hate to see anyone suffering from childhood trauma because I empathize with you. A lot of people aren’t open about it and I hope it doesn’t sound insensitive but it’s validating to know other people experience the same thing I do. I hope that makes sense and doesn’t seem rude because I didn’t mean it that way at all.

[@dinape]

I’m sorry for what you went through. Glad you are sharing because that can help others!! ❤️ My parent divorced when I was 2. I didn’t even experience the level of trauma you did, but I look back and can see that my academic struggles were due to emotional scars and needs that were not worked out combined with my mom having to work long hours so we could be provided for (I was left on my own as far as homework, etc.) I fell through the cracks, but really struggled in reading and math like you are describing!!

[@Star-dj1kw]

If your dad is smart, he will honor your very reasonable boundaries. You are a lovely daughter.

[@esgravois]

This is so hard. Thank you for sharing your journey.

[@amandajoliegall]

I appreciate so much that you are talking about this. I had previously just been watching you for haircare but this is what made me subscribe. If it helps, I loved watching you articulate so well the things that I had been feeling growing up and challenges I am facing now. You are so strong and you are helping us so much :) I hope talking about it helps you too

[@tammymcleod4504]

I just wanna give you the biggest hug and hold you while you cry. Much love to you, brave girl

[@karenmonroe2058]

Sweet girl! So many points resonate with my situation. I’m also terrible in math😞. I was always perceived to be ok. As a middle child I carried many burdens that didn’t belong to me. I can take the temperature of the room really well which is not always good. At 57, I dove I to Enneagram and found out what motivates me and what I need. If you haven’t done that, I highly recommend it. Lastly, I came to the realization a long time ago that people are broken and I can forgive but may never reconcile (haven’t seen my Dad in 15 years) and most importantly of all, Jesus loves me as I am and He loves you too 😘. Love your content!

[@tcreative8030]

oh, hunny...my heart. I can never know, but I can relate...maybe another channel dedicated to it? Have both- childhood trauma AND 3C curls! xoxo

[@christinaolivia3475]

The day I truly forgave my step father for all the abuse is the day I was released from pain. I remember the day... I told him simply "i forgive you" and in response a tear fell down his cheek. I had never seen him cry before that day. He needed my forgiveness just as much as I needed to forgive him. A month later he passed away and I'm so thankful that I had the courage and strength to forgive him when I did.

[@kellytippett8785]

Wow! I can so relate... Your message is so brave! I still struggle so much to communicate my feelings and show emotion. I'm the oldest of 3 children, and I too grew up in a home with trauma. I was the one that was "ok" too, the one that held everything/ everyone together. "Layers" like an onion is the perfect analogy. I cope with laughing when I cry as well... I wonder why is it that we do this? 💚💙💚

[@leannagustafson2960]

I was a 7yo who was also "assumed to be okay". I'm now on the journey of learning how not okay I was and how to be okay now. Thank you so much for sharing your growth, your emotions, and your journey with us! PS: childhood trauma is very much like an onion!

[@stevieray7203]

Reaching through the screen to give you a hug (with permission)...it is a spiral my dear, seems like “back here again” when it is another opportunity to address something with newly acquired skills. Any time safety threatened puts us back to the start...

[@SK_30241]

Ugh I relate to this so much, I just wanted to hug you through the screen. I have 2 sisters and a twin brother My parents split when I was little but, my mother was an alcoholic and dated very abusive and bad men...and my father will never know what I went through because I don't think he could handle it. He still treats me like the little girl he left behind.

[@kassysmith9772]

That was incredibly open and vulnerable. Touched my heart. Thank you for sharing ❤️

[@sunflowerbaby1853]

My heart is breaking for you. But I am so proud of you for facing your past & addressing it. It is very difficult to set boundaries, it can be literally terrifying, but you did just that today! WOOHOO! I'm going to assume your parents don't want to listen to your trauma over & over again. People who have abused/traumatized you always say "it happened a long time ago. How many times do I have to say I'm sorry. Just get over it already." But don't you feel guilty about addressing it. They didn't feel guilty then, & they don't feel guilty now. They want to pretend it never happened or it wasn't that bad. Stand strong, protect yourself & always stand up for yourself❗

[@katherinepekman2398]

So beautiful and inspiring. You’re doing a great job. It’s hard work to deal with the effects of trauma. You’re doing it, and it’s really encouraging to see. Thanks for sharing.

[@melanieh2279]

Story of my life! I know exactly what you're talking about and what you've been through! Thank you so much for sharing this! This has helped me not feel so confused and alone.

[@sarahduggan8569]

Your vulnerability is so beautiful

[@mea1831]

I may tune into your channel for hair stuff but I’m here as a sounding board too. You loved school because it was safe, you probably realize that now. At 5...5 ... your brain knew. It blows my mind what a brain, having been on this planet for 5 years, comprehends. I wish I could hug that 5 year old and tell her how great she is , I wish I could tell her this is not about HER. I wish.....😘

[@zinniaursae]

Thank you for sharing this 💓

[@lindarosenthal6835]

Good for you. Sorry to hear of your challenges starting so young. Parents can really screw up if they don’t and or can’t prioritize the children.

[@lidiaherbert7562]

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️Yeah for boundaries! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️[hugs]👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼🥰 you have a way with words ! Thank you for Sharing this hurtful part of your life with us!

[@samanthadeal8975]

I’m so sorry... I totally understand what you’re saying. And I laugh too, I feel like I do it when I get nervous. My mom always says I raised you to be tough... uh I didn’t have a choice, I had to be tough or I wouldn’t survive!

[@LTBudrich]

I have a lot of these behaviors as a result of compounded trauma, as well. It is an onion. It has taken me my whole life to get my head around it. IFS therapy has personally been so helpful. 🤗

[@jessicacompton5371]

LTHayes if you don’t mind me asking what is IFS therapy?

[@kellytippett8785]

I was wondering same thing... what is IFS therapy?

[@bettepenathotmailcom]

What a vampire. I watched my sister born 10.5 months after me die for two years when she was only 35=37 just before her bd when we would have been 38 together - the same age for one more / last time. We lived in England and when our family came home twe o the US were put in the same grade due to the Brit public shool system. Therefore, we graduated hs in the same class / same ceremony. We went to college together. I lived through my brother committing suicide. It was a horrible suicide. I worked through it as did my family - privately. Not on social media and not requiring thousands of people to be traumatized with us to help us with our family traumas. I see from Insta you state how insensitive types just don't think it was that bad what you went through. I disagree. I think ppl get it entirely as I do. I think ppl do totally understand your pain as I do. You are very clear about how much you have suffered and how. Lots of details let us know exactly what happened to you and about your very real suffering. You apparently require others to allow you to suck energy from those around you so you can "get better". Have peace in your soul. Suffer no more sister. Free yourself. I look forward to wonderful videos from you again one day when you are able to work through all this and embrace the grace of letting go. You don't have to forgive. I hope you can just manage to move on and just love yourself unconditionally. The catharsis awaits you as does the personal energy you will release when you do.

[@paigeramsay5652]

Thank you for sharing, i relate to so many different parts of this. You are such a strong woman❤️

[@xLOVExISxEVOLx]

Thank you for sharing this. I can relate to a lot of what you say and it helps me in my healing to hear those things verbalized. I am so proud of you! You really are a badass ✊

[@wendy8561]

I'm very observant too now I know exactly why thank you so much I'm. Fully aware now I am in survival mode thank you again

[@faithpurdie1068]

Way to go! This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing. This is the video made me decide to subscribe to your channel.

[@101pcenlove]

I admire your courage and will to heal. So happy for you moving forward with your mental health and life and of course setting boundaries and sticking to them. 😊

[@josefinklindstrom4594]

I really like this video. Thank you. .. one thing I happen to be listening in my friend's recording studio with good speakers and we all noticed this strange repeating sound in the background.. it sounds like a human kind of? or animal ?? haha this is not a trolling thing. Is there like a machine or something running in the background? please tell me.

[@KRCrafts1]

That Shrek reference..."like onions." I love you Jannelle 💜

[@JannelleOShaughnessy]

Kyle Crafts literally always pop in my mind with shrek references. love you Kyle.

[@mldernier]

Yes girl! Good for you. Thank you for sharing. I feel this to my core and appreciate you so much!

[@curly_blonde_unicorn7832]

Sometimes we fake it, till we make it....is a survival method. Be kind and careing to yourself, as ive learnt that we can only control ourselves...as shitty as others are...sometimes life is better without those in our lives.....Take care xxx

[@melissasue3649]

Wow this sounds familiar. I always say I dont know cuz I'm afraid to be wrong cuz my dad would always telling us were fu***** stupid etc. I dont ever ask for help even if I dont understand due to my childhood. I want to hug you so bad.