If Donkey Kong Was Charged For His Crimes

[@Meme_Lor]

Here before Coney

[@zeldafan6124]

"Donkey Kong is a CRIMINAL?!?"

[@lpnp9477]

Coney 2012

[@razzdazzjazz]

Donkey Kong goes to JAIL.

[@LinktotheFuture-zs9km]

Donkey Kong did WHAT!?!?

[@scamperly]

Kongy

[@SlothUnspoken]

Your honor for the charge of kidnapping R.O.B. I believe that was him saving a man from dying.

[@nekogamer2508]

If a man wants to die he shouldn't interfere

[@roverplush2.0]

You ever watch The Incredibles?

[@aureliodeprimus8018]

OBJECTION! Since the moon got flung back into the orbit, the effects were temporary and caused barely any damage. Therefore the last charge shoul be dropped. Also in the Mario Super Sluggers segment you forgot DK punching Wario into the ground.

[@MainManJaggi]

Objection, Your Honor. Punching Wario into the ground is ALWAYS morally justified.

[@genericyoutubecommentchann7418]

It was Mario Superstar Baseball, but yes, that did happen.

[@usernametaken017]

All of the King K. Rool's goons are trying to kill DK so he could plea for self defense

[@usernametaken017]

Plus K. Lumsly was not a prisoner by law, he was a HOSTAGE

[@laitentierdotcom]

2:36 i’d argue that since K.Lumsy is imprisoned on DK isle, that’s fully within Donkey Kong III’s jurisdiction. throwing this charge out rn

[@AlriikRidesAgain]

Ah, you forget DK is both the Head of State and Prime Military Force of DK Isle. The slaying of the Kremlin Krew was an act of war, freeing K. Lumsy was done in retaliation of K. Rool invading DK Isle waters with a freaking death laser, and he has diplomatic immunity from the rest of those silly crimes.

[@DKFanboyCoconutGun]

My name is Saul GoodKong, and I am legally Donkey Kong's Lawyer. Your honor, my client was just ironic and he was being silly and goofy. Don't you know how to have fun every once in a while!? Geez... Anyways, the case is closed, thank you for your time.

[@mattstevenson1334]

No Objections.

[@Official_VicRattlehead]

My name is Vic Rattlehead I run secret services and military intelligence. I own Donkey Kong and all of the dk isles residents. For interrogations and documentation’s. I will investigate King k rool due to nuclear weapons after I’m done.

[@braditier7176]

W Carlito

[@kyallon1213]

Your honor my client was monkeying around

[@Brunkbrank]

How do you defend your client's coconut gun, and I quote, "firing in bursts"

[@loiscooldrink]

fun fact donkey kong probably did build that robot himself in sonic and the Olympic games, omega a robot from sonic gets heavily damaged, and to everyone's surprise it is donkey kong who repairs him fully back to health. otherwise 10/10 video im glad you and donkey kong made up

[@SomethingWasHereOnce]

I love that just in a random piece of side media, a CHILDREN'S BOOK no less, Donkey Kong goes from an ape that steals and assaults- To an ACTUAL TERRORIST.

[@NIN1]

I can let the war crimes slide, but breaking the unwritten rules of baseball… unforgivable

[@Timjblackley13]

If DK killed everybody, then there's nobody who could prosecute him!! He's a free man!

[@7HatimF16]

That's True!

[@SHADECIRCLE]

As Donkey Kong's lawyer, I would like to argue to remove two charges. 1. Donkey Kong doesn't wear much clothing but neither do many of the characters in his universe. K. Rool is the king and he's butt ass naked. Clothing seems to be a stylistic choice in the Kong world rather than a necessity. 2. The Mario truck being destroyed was not DK's fault, he was thrown off the building onto it, the truck was just collateral damage.

[@aaronrivera2511]

Charging DK's actions in the SSB series is like charging Tom Brady for something that an action figure of him did in the imagination of another person. All charges in this series should be nullified for the grounds of it not being canon.

[@austinfletchermusic]

OBJECTION! In Case 6 (Grand Theft Mario) [and Case 8 I guess] {and Mario Minis 2}, the prosecution (Mario Mario, owner of the Mario Toy Company) CLEARLY decided not to press charges in the game's ending. Remove those shameful, wrongful years from his sentence. Other than that thought lock this menace up

[@aaronforpie]

You see my man Subspace DK punch Diddy far away so Bowser who has a GUN cant get him, but you charge him with attempted murder??? This is a Kangaroo court. DK clearly knew what he was doing and was able to save Diddys life by sending him so far away.

[@masedaace5473]

Agreed. We gotta remember that DK isn't the brightest ape around. In his mind, punching Diddy seemed like the most effective strategy at the time.

[@MarkiplierMeatMuncher8]

Free my man he ain't do nothing wrong

[@pappy2690]

Your videos have a nostalgic aspect i can't quite put my finger on. Feels like I'm watching something 10 years old (but with better production value)

[@polocatfan]

important note, Donkey Kong is a gorilla, and thus cannot be charged with HUMAN crimes. he'd only be able to be charged by other gorillas presumably. also just thought of this, he likely has diplomatic immunity outside of the jungle as he is a king. anyways some notes on any crimes I'd consider non-human: Donkey Kong rules the jungle, so King K Rool was INVADING it, so all of the people he killed were soldiers, thus those aren't murders. As for the kids, sadly soldiers are allowed to kill kids if another country is using them as child soldiers. K. Lumsy was illegally locked up IN DK ISLE. which is Donkey Kong's land. he has every right to release someone who was being locked up in his isle. If DK Island forced clothes to be worn, he's the king and thus exempt from the rule. this one isn't non-human so it doesn't apply anyways, but because he FELL OFF the building and broke the truck he likely wouldn't be charged (though since he also robbed it after, he might be able to get sued for it?) more terrorism. he harmed innocent people even if he didn't intend to. again if it was his land he might be immune, but I feel like this situation would absolutely result in a revolt. ok looked into the jungle beat one. apparently it's only illegal to invade a country without declaring war if you are part of the UN. I do not believe that DK Jungle is part of any UN organziation, thus DK is cleared on this one. Successfully overthrowing a kingdom is not a crime. Pretty sure hitting people is an agreed part of the rules in the baseball league DK is in considering a spin attack is used. (I'm only including this one as it could be considered a diplomatic event as Peach and Daisy are also there.) Oh you actually mentioned this. Neat. I completely agree that the moon situation would likely be considered a crime against humanity (or a apekind in this case) and Donkey Kong would realistically get his kingship revoked by a revolt and exiled at the best, and the death penalty at the worst. I feel like with all the magic and power in the Mario Universe it could be fixed though. TL;DR the only crimes I agree with in the video here are two acts of terrorism (one of them accidental) in the book (which he wouldn't be charged with if the City is in his jurisdiction, but would likely result in a revolt at the very least.) and the moon thing (which would ABSOLUTELY result in a revolt and likely an exile at the best, and the death penalty at the worst.)

[@goggles8691]

tldr: Donkey Kong committed no crimes because he's a despot who does not respect international law

[@killmii8473]

Having actually played the game, the moon charge should be exempt as it is immediately launched back in the sky after the volcano it falls on erupts

[@Diamond_Aura]

I did learn many crimes he indeed committed. That said, for DKC1, I feel like attacking bosses that are quite literally surrounded by mountains of bananas presumably stolen from DK himself, shows more direct affiliation with K Rool than just being “underlings” who don’t know any better. They have thousands of bananas in each arena, likely entrusted to them by K Rool, or perhaps they themselves were some of the ones to steal the bananas in the first place, just under K Rools direction. Like, they don’t have plausible deniability when the entire background as far as you can see is bananas forever. It DOES beg the question how big DK’s stash even was in the first place, how they don’t go bad, how DK even acquired them all himself in the first place, but all we know is those bananas likely belonged to DK, and the bosses were guarding them. So while many other of his crimes you mention in the video still stand, I think he actually should be acquitted for DKC1, even if multiple people of the same family were in on it.

[@Kowie_geg]

LETS GOOOOOOOO NEW CARLITO VIDEO YOU LOVE TO SEE IT

[@Crazy56U]

Consider: "If Coney Was Charged For His Crimes"

[@lordfreezer5631]

Bro was making another banger without telling anyone. We thought you had disappeared. But you returned out of nowhere when we needed you the most. Welcome back your majesty Carlito. You were studying kong law to become a kong judge just for this video 🙏

[@CarlitoCFL]

thank you frieza

[@bananawaver]

Dude right before Carlito went into the crimes DK committed in the Scholastic Book fair book I saw “bombing” for a frame and then it went to an ad. Shi had me dying

[@Jelly_shy_guy_man]

Thank god the goat is back.

[@NinjaPickle]

Bigger, faster, and stronger too It's the first allegation, against the D-K Crew (UGH)

[@P0chuL1ver]

I love your pfp lol.

[@Athesies]

I too am VERY serious about luigi

[@Zaid-ds2ey]

Bro u cooked. PLS MORE DK CONTENT

[@JesusDaLawd]

7:42 never thought id hear dk saving Diddy

[@DKCfan10]

So as I’ve discovered in my nonstop Donkey Kong research, the Master Neckies are supposedly brothers rather than father and son. I read on TV Tropes that Steve Mayles said Krow from Diddy’s Kong Quest is Master Necky and Master Necky Sr.’s younger brother. Why two brothers would be named this way is beyond me, but given that Jr. II nonsense from Jr. Math, it’s at least consistent with the rest of the series.

[@SsjkidsSaveCosmo08]

🗣🔥🔥

[@CuperTony]

Every single luma from Mario galaxy and stuff

[@GrabTheGatGaming]

Baaaaabe wake up! Carlito just uploaded again!

[@Pumpkinhead9092]

I just hopped down here to post this. You beat me to it!

[@gabs-.-]

9:55 I love Carlito describing DK bombing the City Defense thing as “irresponsible”

[@saiyangoomba1244]

Holy shit I was literally just looking through your old videos thinking when the next one was coming out. Awesome video as usual man , much love

[@CarbonMalite]

They accidentally scheduled the community service after the 2nd death penalty, so the parks are gonna have a few more Burger King wrappers on their grass than expected.

[@lethauntic]

9:40 Honestly DK destroying the defense system would probably elevate his status to "kill on sight"

[@rmberk]

donkey kong is such a cool guy he really don’t give a fuck, he’s just happy to be there

[@Pyrple]

14:54 "maybe not meant to kill" damn that's got me laughing out loud

[@Zach2K]

Glad you’re back man

[@froakie3]

missed you lil bro

[@fameredman]

4:57 In the intro of the original game, one of the toads says "They're 40 dollars!". He steals 6 per world, and there's 8 worlds, so thats $1,920. Then for the plus worlds he steals that again, so another $1,920 makes it a total of $3,840. For expert levels he steals 16 more, he stole a grand total of $4,480.

[@UltimaShadowX]

Where do we factor in Tropical Freeze?

[@CarlitoCFL]

the world died after dkc returns, there was never a tropical freeze. it was all a dream.

[@motomario4603]

Nice to have You back! I missed your videos. Especially the Conker ones

[@alexrawlings541]

Can't wait to see Coney watch this

[@longcat45]

8:10 in defense of donkey kong, he knew that diddy wouldn't be able to get away fast and far enough so he HAD to launch diddy out of harms way all in one go

[@TheSpaceOpera]

A reminder that by destroying Kremling Isle and the hidden world, Diddy and Dixie Kong committed genocide

[@Trimint123]

6:22 Objection. In Mario & Sonic at the Winter Olympic Games for the DS, E-123 Omega proclaim that he was being fixed by Donkey Kong when he was out of order. So he's definitely had a machinery skill. I mean, shit, the robot in MvDK literally has a face of himself.

[@wurmkreis3477]

Man I love the clip of dk charging up a punch to send diddy flying

[@PenelopeStoneVT]

"those books aren't as entertaining as some of those fever dream Mario books.." -Listens to Carlito tell me the craziest shit I've ever heard from a coloring book in my life-

[@TessyBluez]

very happy to see you back! just the other day i was thinking about how you havent uploaded in a while and i missed your content. heres to yet another banger carlito vid

[@mallardduckjrh8048]

You forgot DK’s most heinous crime of all destroying Bash Master’s popsicle in Tropical Freeze

[@adamrussell9573]

peak content my liege

[@vktrlndwll95]

Your honor, my client Diddy was just following orders!

[@Aether4921]

Seeing this video drop made my week, Carlito the GOAT

[@Skooby59]

Bro’s back spreading more knowledge the elite of nintendo dont want you to know

[@SharqBait]

coney put me on some PEAK

[@royer668]

glad you're back love your vids

[@doovin1827]

also the moon kingdom is a thing in mario odyssey with rabbit denizens, so punching the moon out of orbit was definitely disruptive for them as well

[@__eepycore]

I’m so happy to see you back! Welcome back captain.

[@Spaghetti4RoRo]

Love your humor and vids. More plz. I cry laughing watching late at night

[@SolandVideos]

Carlito uploads video, my day is made

[@iquemedia]

I guess you could say DK has... _gone bananas_

[@moisesespinoza8545]

love your videos man, especially the donkey kong ones, theyre so fucking funny

[@Str4wberryDr3ams]

YAY WELCOME BACK CARLITO HOPE EVERYTHING’S GOING BETTER FOR YOU

[@SuperGamefreak18]

Rob didn’t want to leave but Rob wasn’t going to survive those bombs so he kidnapped a depressed individual to save his life

[@vitalsmash956]

your delivery is so good carlito you always have me laughing

[@KHALEBEANS]

YOOOO I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD WELCOME BACKKKK!!!!!❤❤

[@telethia6428]

Goat has returned

[@Genyosai03]

I love this Coney-ass trial Carlito is giving DK lol.

[@MrCapitalOrange]

thank u big carl

[@RakastanPorkkanakakkua]

2:00 Donkey Kong hates the elderly, he literally commits elderly abuse in the game intro

[@lime7111]

This is the content I'm here for.

[@Jelliott_ssb]

The king has returned

[@PaintyMainy]

Ok cool but he made TOP-3 in Melee Supernova. Charges dropped.

[@mikesander9087]

4:58 Toad: oh 40 dollar!

[@mariocartmichael6133]

Donkey Kong isnt a human, he cant commit crimes Hes a gorilla. Gorillas dont adhere to our societal pressures, he is purely wholesome and innocent and never bad. Dk is a good guy he deserves an award

[@skapokonroll]

The Mini Mario Toys actually have a price. In the cutscene you can hear a Toad saying "They're forty dollars!"

[@Spongy2763]

In Donkey Kong Country Tropical Freeze, He just unfrozes his island since some invaders wanted to invade it so... it was self defense like the first game. And i think he didn't do some crimes in that game. (He doesn't kill the bosses, he just makes them fly away his island which is like that cutscene with Diddy, i think was attempt of frist degree murder (x6) so 54 years more.)

[@Timjblackley13]

the goat is back

[@IcyXzavien]

The legend is back.

[@santiagoc.9037]

Let's not forget in tropical freeze on his way back to his island aside for assaulting the snowmads he maybe committed severeal destructions of private property and maybe killed wildlife.

[@_Rigley]

YESSS! THE KING IS BACK!!!

[@littlewooperband]

Incredible video, you always deliver 👏

[@imreallylikethis]

mario and i still have beef. we need to send that guy to jail. amazing video carlito good to see you back. donkey kong is a cool guy glad you guys arent beefing anymore. that mario guy though... you should do a video abut him.. he's the real problem..

[@jonfro-mez]

Dk did not try to murder Diddy Kong, that's a load of shit. He was getting him as far away as possible from bowser. This is slanderous and you will be hearing from our lawyers.

[@1slayer959]

I mean DK killing the bosses could be a way making the the fight easier. Logically speaking in a non video game world. All those bosses would head over to back up KK Rool

[@beegle79]

32 billion years, and 2 life sentences

[@hagbardceline7118]

Nintendo should make a Donkey Kong movie that is essentially John Wick but with missing bananas in place of a dead dog

[@joeyogurt7356]

Love your videos man. Don't limit yourself to just nintendo stuff though.

[@Official_VicRattlehead]

Another day another great hour

[@greensoda123]

You gotta get his second in command next. Donkey Kong may be out of the picture but Diddy Kong is just gonna pick up where Donkey Kong left off on the crime board.

[@booyahgenius]

Least unhinged Carlito video topic

[@volvoman5262]

He's finally back and aboud time too! And this time, he's in a (angry) mood!

[@dkvizco9823]

Keep up these videos, they are so fucking funny. Love dk.

[@atwistedb]

Goat is back 🙏

[@jasonb3216]

Carlito is back!!!!!!

[@Sebberboi]

The king is back

[@laitentierdotcom]

another goated carlito video

[@wispyone3702]

The goat is back!!!!!!

[@jackfriedman3998]

THE GOAT IS BACK

[@no_fishman9669]

Aight, now charge K.Rool for his crimes