I WAS NOT PREPARED! | Actually Autistic TikToks

[@imautisticnowwhat]

20 mins fashionably late, but we made it! Hope you’ve had a lovely week. Were in for an emotional rollercoaster this time, but I’m so grateful to the amazing autistic content creators putting this stuff out there. It could be lifesaving, in so many ways! Thank you so much to everyone who is subscribed… just 300 away from 25k! Madness! If you want to get in on the buttered sandwiches debate, here’s the last TikTok reaction… WHAT AM I LOOKING AT??? | Actually Autistic TikToks: kzbin.info/www/bejne/f5DYpH-MnrB7i9E And if you want to watch the whole ‘so you think you might be autistic, now what do you do?’ video, here it is: kzbin.info/www/bejne/qYKUYWWtr9aUjrs

[@strictnonconformist7369]

As a spectrumite, my mind goes "What?" When someone says, "I can't speak!" But then I run it through the mask filter.

[@indiananova]

random but have you watched A Kind Of Spark?

[@TheCloverAffiliate12]

Congrats on the now >25K! 🎉🥳 Much deserved!

[@lizaj3339]

awe, I started crying too.. I felt that. I love you for sharing this..

[@LifetimeDisaster]

My life is like a video game

[@Cay048]

Once I tried voicing my feelings about possibly being neurodivergent to a counsellor and was told “you were able to articulate that very well so you probably don’t need worry about any of those things” which was so invalidating at the time cause i’d sat up all night beforehand rehearsing in my head what I was gonna say, that’s why.

[@Lady.Fern.]

It’s so hard to ask for help and then when we finally do theyre like nawh you good 👍 if I was “good” I wouldn’t have brought it up!

[@ScarryGargoyle]

Awe :(

[@lpscell]

I've had a similar experience. I also practiced what I was going to say beforehand. I was talking to the school counselor about possibly being autistic, and she just dismissed the idea as a whole because 'I dont seem autistic because I have good grades and dont act out' like..

[@trebaneconapise7793]

when you script so well that it sounds like you came up with it off the top of your head... damn, feel that.

[@SonOfMeme]

Catch-22

[@OdinsSage]

I hate the autism assessment questions because every single one for me has me going "well it depends on -x- or -y- factor"

[@unluckyomens370]

Theyre literally all would you rather questions which i have a bad track record with because i ask for too much information that the question does not provide but i feel like its really important information

[@spirograffe]

if a diagnostic test is asking you if you do something or relate to something, and your answer is "sometimes" or "in some contexts" then the answer they want from you is "yes"!!!

[@maxpowers9129]

​@@spirograffeIf the question is something like "Would you rather go to the library or a party," then you can't answer with a yes. In that case, it just depends on factors not given in the question. I think thats the issue people are having.

[@spirograffe]

@@maxpowers9129 yes of course, but i was referring specifically to when you want to add nuance to yes or no questions :)

[@kaye_dee_did]

Yup

[@K80_02]

I really felt that woman's pain during her meltdown. I have had people try and hug me during my meltdowns and it has always made them worse so I will tell them "Dont touch me." And because Im not in the headspace to say things calmly it will come across very aggressively, and its not because I hate them, its just not what is needed in the moment and Im trying to protect myself 😅

[@jimwilliams3816]

I 100% relate. Neurologically I’m like a trapped animal, and a trapped animal is not able to tolerate a hug.

[@finx1582]

i've been this way my whole life and never knew why

[@good4gaby]

[@jackson5802]

I agree but in reverse. I need physical grounding from someone I trust so if anyone else touches me besides those handful of people my meltdown will only get worse

[@chesneymigl4538]

I always feel bad telling people to back off even though it's what I need.

[@shannons_dollhouse]

I really got hung up on the theater or museum question, it was like “movie theater or like theatre theater?” “what am I seeing?” “what kinda museum is it?”

[@imautisticnowwhat]

Exactly!! They never seen to think about the target audience when making these tests...

[@tracik1277]

Yes, I like both equally. And also dislike the actual experience of each of them for the same reason - too many other people. It’s a stupid question imo.

[@Maryaminx]

@@tracik1277 i think the reaction to the question would say a lot more about our brains than the simple A or B answer.

[@tracik1277]

@@Maryaminx I couldn’t agree more!

[@KANDI-]

Also, what are they showing at the theatre and what are the exhibits at the museums?

[@agoodwasteoftime]

One thing that sucks about special interests and being obsessive is when you feel a sense of ownership over the interest, and so when other people show interest in it it makes you really uncomfortable and you become competitive and it can get a bit toxic. I never like when i go into that state cause i don't want to stop people enjoying things just cause its "mine"

[@thegracklepeck]

Especially as a kid I felt this way.

[@ParanoidGoblinoid]

Interesting. I have a few pals who are way better than me at one of my interests. It comes down to personality; if they’re nice people, they won’t rub it in and will help me along.

[@Cinnamonmay-tf7lu]

Oh god I relate but also sometimes I’ll accept a person having the same interests and they get told there not good enough at it or to stop while I’m complimented by the same person and Its like what the hell man!?!? I also get this way when I have a connection to an object and someone else has the same kind or wants the same object because it holds a special meaning for me.

[@diediedice]

WAIIIIITTTTT, So this is why I get these weird agitated feelings whenever my friend starts liking my special interests and "knows more" about it or "is better" than me...

[@agoodwasteoftime]

@@diediedice yyyyep it really really sucks lol

[@drtaverner]

When I thought I might have Asperger's I collected up all the documents my parents had from my childhood assessments, took the Asperger's Criteria (DSM-4 then) and the _Australian Scale For Asperger's Syndrome_ and created a case study. My number one rule was that I couldn't answer any question myself. All answers had to come from the documentation. I completely dissociated myself from the process as though I was analyzing someone else. The results scored very high and I took my study to my GP who very patiently listened to my process and my findings. His response was "You know that neurotypical people don't do this sort of thing, right? They don't remove themselves from the equation, they don't create case-studies with quite nice citations, as if the outcome wouldn't affect them. You know that, right?" "Well how else do you figure out something like this?" "Yeah, I don't think I even need to read this..."

[@scottfw7169]

Though the phrase comes from something else entirely, its mood does seem to perfectly fit what happened with your GP, "We hold these truths to be self evident" 🙂

[@drtaverner]

@@scottfw7169 LoL!

[@nuage9538]

I did the same !!

[@psychohist]

You have a great GP.

[@drtaverner]

@@psychohist He was the best IMO. I was sad when he moved away.

[@tedflanagan59]

I got diagnosed just before Christmas ( age 32) after a 4 year wait ( they kept forgetting to send the referral for 2 years) just to have my doctor turn around and say ‘ well your autism isn’t that bad and doesn’t seem like it’s an issue’ The rage I felt 😬

[@imautisticnowwhat]

I'm sooo sorry!! Glad you finally got your diagnosis!

[@simba-6075]

My doc was the same way when I fought to be diagnosed with add in college. She eventually admitted she just didn’t “like” treating it everybody has it. Idk how to even get an autism diagnosis without hitting similar walls. Last time I brought it up I was sent to a website

[@celeste8157]

Neurotypicals think just because we can make it through life and mask well enough to not seem super different (they definitely know we're a bit different), that a diagnosis would be detrimental to us. That's not true at all! Figuring out that I'm autistic is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I live in rural eastern Kentucky in the states, so i don't have anywhere close to get a diagnosis. And I'm afraid that if I make a phone call (which is super difficult for me) and get an appointment somewhere 2 hours away, that I'll get there and they'll say that I've got through life well enough and that I don't need a diagnosis. And, of course, I would say okay and leave and never try again

[@imautisticnowwhat]

Yes, completely agree. I'm so sorry you're in that situation - I can see why you're apprehensive. Can you reach about by email to these places at all? If so, you could email around to check how experienced they are with diagnosing adults. You could also try posting or searching in Facebook groups for good professionals/diagnostic centres within travelling distance - if people with a similar presentation to you have had success, you might feel more confident. Do any offer video appointments at all? We have a few places in the UK that will. Wishing you all the best 💛💛

[@greenginger6668]

Are you in my head? Just swap Kentucky for Georgia and this is exactly the place I’m in in my life too. You’re not alone Celeste, plus us Americans have to seriously consider the monetary cost of a diagnosis unfortunately which is yet another barrier.

[@tracik1277]

Random/irrelevant comment but I think that Celeste is such a lovely name 😊

[@kitcat8308]

Finally got a mental health team that is doing their best to get me a "diagnostic clarification" but it's going to be 6 months to a year... Though that was a couple months ago they told me .. although my therapist was a bit hesitant about the plausible Autism until I finally felt comfortable enough to disclose dissociative symptoms of plurality ... Now my joint pain could be hypermobility cause comorbid with autism 😑... I mean she's obviously NT so I can understand the "hope?" That it would be something that usual therapy works easily on? But I guess if I may be We... Autism is the least of the "obstacles" in our way... ( First time I mentioned plausibly being AuDHD cause my son is and taking the tests multiple times with the outcome never being in the NT range at all, she was "we can look into a diagnostic clarification, but let's not put "obstacles " in our way just yet"

[@morgainebrigid]

"make it through life, " in my case, meant constant unemployment and low-paying jobs, while raising a child by myself. But if you're not in prison or homeless then obviously there's nothing wrong with you; you must be just lazy or undisciplined.

[@NekoShogun]

36 and self diagnosed here. The 'eye contact' thing would really count against me thanks to how well I'm able to mask it. My Dad taught me at a pretty early point to look at them be focus on a different part of their face, like their nose or forehead. I still have to look away if I'm trying to actually listen to someone though.

[@imautisticnowwhat]

Yess - if I'm making eye contact my listening skills are poop.

[@ParanoidGoblinoid]

My martial arts instructors taught me to look at people’s eyebrows. It gives them the sense that you’re looking them in the eye, but also THROUGH them (which con be intimidating) so use in moderation! ❤

[@TheWilliamHoganExperience]

Same here with the eye contact thing, but it was my (awful, abusive, now thankfully passed away) mother who shamed me from an early age into always making eye contact with people. Her cruel, shaming, invalidating techique was to repeatedly tell me: "LOOK AT ME WHEN I SPEAK TO YOU! I don't trust anyone who doesn't look me in the eye!...." So like you, I learned to make eye contact as a matter of survival as a child. It's always felt too intimate and uncomfortable in all but the most intimate settings with people who I love and trust. Unfortunately, psycho-narccistic mommy wasn't one of them. I suspect she knew this, and knew that it made her look bad in the eyes of others. So out came the shame hammer. Thanks to this post, I realize that forcing myself to make eye contact draws focus from my ability to listen and process what the person is actually saying. This is no doubt part of the "social reciprocity / communication difficulties" I've experienced throughtout my life.

[@Senfree]

I tend to just focus on eye prettiness when I look at their eyes. Though, that can be distracting too. xD

[@piiinkDeluxe]

I read somewhere, the 'natural' eye contact is a triangle: eye 1 - eye 2- mouth - eye 1 -.... I often do that consciously but then it's hard to still listen lol

[@emmabales229]

please don't stop pausing whenever you have something to say! seeing you process things and the places your brain goes with each little stop is so lovely and validating. i do the same thing when watching something with a safe person who i want to share my perspective with and recognizing it in you makes me so happy ❤

[@mordaciousfilms]

"You're a smart person, figure it out!" is so common to hear. Because yes, I am. And it's absolutely terrible to be constantly called-out for difficulties and behaviors you cant help, and then kinda have it insinuated that I am doing what I do on purpose and should try harder to change and adapt to what they think is "normal", but have that happen all throughout my life until age 30...

[@JaggerG]

Tbh you should try harder to be yourself, because you’re beautiful and nobody but you is entitled to defining your identity.

[@anamakesthings]

I was told ''you're too smart to be depressed'' by my therapist while I was in the psych ward for being su***dal. They pumped me up with benzos (hated them) and sent me home. For context, that happened in Eastern Europe, where mental health isn't really a thing. If it's not something related to psychosis, they'll tell you to stop feeling sorry for yourself. We're 8 years later and I now live in Canada 😉

[@erikasakura7721]

"You didn't try enough" is something I've been told so many times when failing and it's incredibly infuriating to hear especially when it comes to something you really cared about because it feels like you were already trying so hard and putting in so much effort but it's still not good enough for everyone else.

[@Lady.Fern.]

I remember bringing up autism to my psychiatrist about 10 years ago when I was around 18 years old and he just smiled and said a diagnosis wouldn’t be beneficial at this point, even though treating me for the other diagnoses wasn’t working, but instead causing more issues. I’ve just felt like a leaf drifting in the wind my entire life with no direction or control. His smile still haunts me, it felt like he was saying “yes you’re autistic, but no resources or help for you, you’ve drifted this far keep going.”

[@alexskywalker5478]

I'm sorry this has happened to you. I hope you can get one someday

[@carlacruz893]

So real, doctors are very dismisive of autistic adults, all of mine say that i won’t get any better anyway.

[@lolly_golightly]

I had similar experiences. So many other dangerous labels and unnecessary medications to try first, after all.

[@hey_thatsmyname]

This just reminds me of how much I hate that people get legit MAD at you for drifting along in life and just taking the opportunities that come at you instead of having life plans and goals and fighting your way places.

[@faeriesmak]

I am 48 and actually the autism issues have gotten a lot worse with menopause. That’s why I started doing a lot of research into figuring out what was going on with me. My ah ha moment was when my youngest son was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD..we are very, very similar. So yes..autism really affects people into adulthood and sometimes the struggles get worse with age and life changes!

[@jadetea6112]

It drives me insane that there are little to no studies on neurodivergant adults

[@Bekkocho]

There are some incredible connections between ASD and PMDD (Pre-menstrual Dysphoric Disorder) that I've only recently learned about - it started to affect me as I reached my late teens, and now as a 21yo I am dealing with a lot of difficulties related to my hormonal cycle. The number of people with PMDD who have a comorbid diagnosis with ASD, ADHD, and other Neurodivergent conditions, is rather high. I do dread menopause, though I'm still young, but I hope just as you are managing and trying to help yourself that I will be able to do the same :)

[@neridafarrer4633]

@faeriesmak It's me being perimenopausal and its effect on my executive function and the horrendous brain fog and burnout that's kind of forced my hand, in regards to diagnosis. I just got my confirmation of the AuDHD (that I had already figured out, thanks to two of my sons re the ADHD, and my father, another son, and a sister getting her kids diagnosed regarding the ASD) just two days ago. I'm 50.

[@eline.de.allerbeste]

Re the part about meltdowns: I was diagnosed at 6 or 7 years old and just turned 32 this month. I have a lot of trauma and negative connotations around my autism diagnosis related to how my parents and others around me treated me when I was younger (basically until I moved to another country in my late 20s). Only recently I realised that the moments I was being annoying, unreasonable, difficult or having a tamper tantrum according to my parents or other adults/caregivers/teachers in my environment, were actually me having autistic meltdowns, stimming in socially unacceptable ways or other totally normal autistic traits. And by recently I mean in the last year or so, since I gained enough distance from my life back home, built up a new life where I am now, have started talking to those currently closest to me and to mental health professionals about my past. Also, the fact that more people online are coming out as autistic and sharing their stories, especially those that are not straight cis white boys, has really helped. For the first time in my more than 3 decades of life I have felt like I am human, and like I am not just stupid and should "act normal". It's so liberating to be allowed to stim, be allowed to have sensory issues and even to have meltdowns without people getting angry or me beating myself up about it.

[@alysonw5371]

Don't worry about pausing to talk. My mind can't hold onto my thoughts well enough to wait until the end, so I get it!

[@imautisticnowwhat]

Thank you so much - that's so kind 💛

[@redlady222]

I feel this so much. As gen-x, autism in girls wasn’t even on the radar. A diagnosis wouldn’t have made a difference for me (or even been possible), but knowing that there were others that were going through the same thing? That would have CHANGED MY WORLD. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was in my mid 40’s. As it stands now, my parents and even those in my generation still have a very old school, typical view of Autism (like a lot of people). I’ve never mentioned my diagnosis, because they would laugh and tell me I was being dramatic. Explaining masking would be too much for them to accept. I am so thankful for people like you who are standing up and bravely sharing your experiences. For the first time in nearly 50 years, I am starting to feel like I’m not some oddity of nature. It is still incredibly hard and exhausting every day, but at least I know I’m not alone in feeling this way. That gives me hope. ❤

[@12symmo]

Are your parents from the “we’re just a family of teachers that likes trains and insists on only one person speaking at a time, it’s perfectly great to be different as long as you don’t call it autism” crowd too?

[@Warspite03]

So, I only self diagnosed this week and wow, the world it’s opened up to me is awesome . Without a doubt the highlight has been discovering the KZbin community. Love the channel, it’s had me in tears of joy. Keep up the great work.

[@imautisticnowwhat]

Yay! I'm so so happy for you! I'm really glad I could help a little. Thank you so much for being here!!

[@ParanoidGoblinoid]

Welcome to the tribe. 🫂

[@knrdvmmlbkkn]

"So, I only self diagnosed this week" An actual diagnosis would probably be preferable.

[@Warspite03]

@@knrdvmmlbkknlol, that’s the point of the big chunk of the video😂 but yeah appointment’s are booked. Now the wait.

[@M2Mil7er]

@@knrdvmmlbkkn an official diagnosis wouldn't mean they didn't have it before. Self diagnosis often comes after weeks, months, or even years of extensive, self directed research, effectively doing the job the medical profession _should_ be doing. Yes, having all that research "signed off" so it's official can help when dealing with employers, and other areas of life, or people that may not believe, or minimise someone's struggle, but not having it doesn't mean it's not there.

[@noafisch5560]

13:17 as someone who is also both autistic and ADHD, dancing is definitely how I have been getting by stimming in public. Never realized that was a possible trait, but it explains a lot

[@Catlily5]

When I was misdiagnosed with BPD I did DBT and it did help me. The ways it helped were getting my life on schedule. I would stay up doing special interests all night frequently and forget to eat. They helped me get more on schedule (probably an ADHD problem more than an autism problem). The other thing that DBT helped with was emotional regulation. Autism can cause emotional regulation problems. Now in certain ways DBT was not a good fit. But some parts were very helpful. Actually my DBT therapist was the first person to realize that I was autistic. She was a good DBT therapist. I had a couple who were not good.

[@gigahorse1475]

DBT can be quite good for autistic people, due to the emotional dysregulation. I wish I could get DBT, but I’m not in the circumstances where I can, so I just do research on it.

[@Link-dx1lx]

Diagnosed with BPD here, currently questioning if I have autism instead or maybe both. DBT has been really helpful for me, especially the emotional regulation side of things. I was in therapy for a while and nothing seemed to do anything for me before starting DBT.

[@Catlily5]

@@Link-dx1lx DBT helped me more than standard therapy as well. It is more practical. They hand out more specific steps about what to do when your emotions are overwhelming.

[@natashasullivan4559]

I'm autistic and I love ballet. Classical ballet.. not a huge fan of other types of dance. But classical ballet really just.. hits it for me. It's a little more difficult with my dyslexia.. ADHD+dyslexia= hard to remember combinations.. unfortunately. But it really tickles my autism. Very strict rules. Strict ways of doing things. There's no bending around in weird ways or rolling on the floor. Your posture has to be precise. Your movements have to be a certain way period. I love it, just expensive af 😢

[@salfordnurse]

Same, I did ballet classes as an adult, I love the routine etc

[@northofyou33]

I did ballet for years when I was young. I|t was definitely my special interest. Obsessed.

[@LG-Musique]

I have been suspecting my daughter has ADHD & Dyslexia (and trying to go through the motions in school to get her assessed) and one of the things she struggles with in Kickboxing and swimming is combinations

[@natashasullivan4559]

@@LG-Musique once I've had time to practice them, they're in my head forever. But unless it's super simple I'll make mistakes the first few times. It's incredibly frustrating with things I really enjoy Good luck getting her assessed! And hopefully she can get help. It's good the issues were notice

[@LG-Musique]

@@natashasullivan4559 honestly it’s so frustrating. I’ve been told all through the infants that they have to wait until she’s in the juniors to be assessed. Now that she’s in juniors they’re saying she needs to have a hearing test and be seen by SALT to rule out any other problems and also wait until she’s had another term of in-house interventions, before they will even consider getting her assessed 😩 meanwhile she’s struggling and she’s having a tough time in school. I looked into going private but was advised that the school are not obliged to do anything with a private diagnosis 😬😖

[@avantgauche]

if your neuro divergent CBT is the absolute worst

[@RainbyFIN]

Me and mom are as of yet undiagnosed, but evidently have sensory and other issues that seem like neurodivergency, and years ago we had two CBT therapists or something visit us many times for 'help'. I told her once "Cognitive behavioral therapy is literally just judging the way you react to things, but put nicely", so with that context no wonder it's 'ineffective' on neurodivergents. It's literally masking school 💀

[@uncoveredkhan09gaming38]

The internet has ruined me, I didn't think you meant cognitive behavior therapy at first 😭

[@Stormbrise]

Definitely the worst, try taking it in a foreign language. I did learn a lot of cursing in my husbands native language. A lot of new words. It felt more like a vocabulary lesson to me. The only thing I learned is that I cannot do everything perfect. The whole thing about getting in touch with your emotions, from Paul on Autism on the Inside, is pretty much a non-starter for autists and can be detrimental to more meltdowns.

[@CeruleanStar]

I got labled as "resistant to treatment" over and over again because CBT wasn't working for me. I was diagnosed with general anxiety/depression/social anxiety at the time, but didn't have my ADHD or autism diagnosis yet. I kept trying to tell the therapists that I was already doing everything they were telling me. Cognitive Behavior wasn't the problem. Instead of investigating why it wasn't working, which could have lead to my diagnosis a decade earlier, they faulted me with the fact it wasn't working. I had to self diagnose myself with ADHD in order to get help. I had to really push just to be evaluated. One of the first things my GP told me was "You've been seeing mental health experts for years. If you were ADHD, they would have noticed." I had to explain that they didn't know they should have been looking for it. I finally got refered to a specialist and it took her all of five minutes to realize I was ADHD. We went through the evaluation for formality's sake, and in that process, she also recognized I was autistic. She evaluated and diagnosed me for that as well. I only saw that therapist for six months before I moved away, but it was the most life-changing treatment I ever had. She actually listened to me if I said something wasn't working. Instead of blaming me, she looked into why certain things wouldn't work, which is what lead to my autism diagnosis. CBT never helped. Having a therapist who listened to me and didn't blame me for not fitting into their box did.

[@dragonabsurda]

I just feel super lucky that my therapist is not only trained in neurodevelopmental disorders, but has ADHD herself. It's sooo much easier to communicate to her because we can relate to each other without having to explain things, whereas someone else looks at you like you're an alien when you try to describe your experience.

[@kels007]

Your channel is so special to me. Thank you. This past year I was formally diagnosed with ADHD, OCD and what my neuropsychologist described as showing many “autistic characteristics” (still wrapping my head around what exactly that means for me). It is so important to feel seen and heard through this, and that is exactly what your channel does

[@CarnivoreHipposinBikinis]

Musicians?... constructive creative repetitive flapping!

[@itz_a_randompersons_gacha6529]

I just got diagnosed with OCD this past year as well.

[@timtreefrog9646]

Great news. EVERY SINGLE NHS employee clinical and non-clinical has had to do Autism and Learning Difficulties training. It is called Oliver MacGowan training named after an autistic teen who tragically lost his life because he wasn't able to communicate his needs 😢. His amazing parents have championed this training in his memory. ❤

[@ushere5791]

i had no sanctuary growing up. i was assailed from all quarters, so i started masking almost from birth--and yet i also rebelled against masking, insisting at some level on being who i was. i learned more of how to be in a society from true friendlies in college than i ever did from my birth family, who more focused on how not to look and what not to do. finally stopped pretending i don't have emotions at age 19 and started focusing on better behaviors while still trying to be authentic--i am still learning to lean into that. i am fortunate to have safe space now. very thankful indeed!

[@Senfree]

I had a meltdown the other day, I told my husband not to touch me when he reached out to comfort me. He took his hands away right away, and after a moment of silence asked me if I wanted my weighted blanket.

[@itzmystichatuka2739]

I've been thinking about the possibility of me being autistic for a while and even took the quizzes that you had recommended in a previous video. Both of my scores say I'm autistic, and a lot of people I know have told me that it would make sense if I was because it would explain why I'm so "weird". But anytime I bring up the possibility to a particular family member(I won't say who) they always brush the possibility aside and just say that I'm "weird and odd", and they can't seem to figure out why I can't just take that answer and be fine with it. Your videos help me a lot with trying to figure out how to put why I feel like I need an answer into words. Thank you so much, and I'm super happy I found your channel, thank you for creating😁

[@coppertones7093]

identifying effects but not causes is kind of like having an electrical outlet that sets anything near it on fire. you can say the fires are weird, but it’s better to identify the outlet as the source. after that, the analogy breaks down; you can replace an outlet, but not your whole autistic brain.

[@hp8685]

hi, i'm not trying to make guesses about your situation but i thought sharing mine might help: for me one of the people who thought i couldn't be autistic was a parent, and i think it was because they also have a lot of the same traits as me that they'd learned to mask and work around, and so admitting that i could be autistic and could need supports was gonna be hard for my parent because that would have some difficult implications for my parent like maybe things didn't need to be so hard and maybe the struggles they survived wasn't just "the way things are"

[@itzmystichatuka2739]

@@hp8685 Thank you so much for sharing, and honestly that would make a lot of sense. I'm very close with the person that's having trouble acknowledging I might be autistic, and me and them have a lot of similarities when I actually think about it. Thank you, for sharing

[@CeruleanStar]

​@@hp8685 Yeah, when my ADHD therapist told me she thought might be autistic, it was hard for me to swallow. My autistic traits were so common in my family. I thought they were normal. I actually had to take a step back and consider that if my family were a single person, would they get diagnosed? The answer was a resounding yes. When I told my dad that he was probably autistic, he took it pretty well. He was able to look back on his life and recognize that a lot of things he struggled with fit the bill. My mom was a lot harder to convince that she might be autistic. Don't get me wrong, my mom is an amazing mother through and through in so many different ways, but she was also the one who minimized my struggles as a kid. She spent so long struggling and having those struggles minimized that teaching me the same thing was just her default. She didn't know she was minimalizing my struggles. It's just what she was taught from a very young age. So when I told my mom she is probably autistic as well, I think it might have triggered some PTSD. If she was truly autistic, then she wasn't as normal as she worked so hard to be every day of her life. In her mind, she would be flawed, just like she tried so hard to avoid being, even at the cost of her own mental health. It's taken a while, but she's slowly coming around to the idea. It's taken months of "There's nothing wrong with being autistic," and "Being autistic just gives a person a different skill set than most have. It's not bad, just poorly handled by others." It was only this last week that she herself said that she was probably autistic. I think those of us who work to seek the diagnosis sometimes forget that there are others who have made it through by becoming really good at denial. It's a coping mechanism. Maybe not a good one, but it is one. I'd be lying if I said I didn't struggle to work through the same barrier when my ADHD therapist told me I was autistic. I guess this is all to say that a person shouldn't feel invalidated if someone tells them that they can't be autistic, and then goes on to use labels others use to describe autistic people instead. Their denial is probably far more about them than it is about you.

[@ItsMy149thTimeHereHelp]

Same here bud

[@Tilly850]

at 65 I am grateful for your videos and those others share too. I am self-diagnosed and it will likely stay that way because even trying to get a diagnosis would be more stress and less help than I am willing to deal with. I will TELL my doc I am autistic, tell her to put it in her record and if she refuses I will continue to remind her. I am glad to know and rely on various suggestions here to help me deal with and learn about it. Thanks to you and all the creators. You are a part of saving my life/soul/sanity.

[@Sims4Luxury]

I’m sending you a lot of love ❤️😘

[@northofyou33]

Same here. Too old and too difficult to bother. But I'm easily willing to bet my life I'm autistic.

[@zenpie5093]

The meltdown video also made me cry. It’s so hard to express yourself in that state and when you’re not being heard in that vulnerable state it’s such a devastating feeling that also worsens the meltdown (at least for me it does). I could relate a lot and felt so bad for this person.

[@MDev1997]

I was diagnosed with BPD along with everything under the sun (depression, generalized anxiety, social anxiety, CPTSD, OCD, Seasonal Affective Disorder, panic disorder, and dermatillomania) without anyone stopping to think I might have Autism despite being diagnosed with ADHD since 8th grade. My psychologist does think I have BOTH Autism (not formally diagnosed yet), CPTSD, and BPD since I do have a history of loads of repeated childhood trauma, which is like the building blocks for CPTSD and BPD and I do have some symptoms from BPD that can be distinguished from my autism symptoms, but boy do I wish the autism part had been noticed well before I was 25 (now 26). Even just accommodating myself and researching more to understand myself better has made SUCH a huge difference in my life, my relationships, and my mental health.

[@TheWilliamHoganExperience]

I'm forwarding this to a psychatrist and personal freind of mine. The fist clip had me in tears, just like you. I'm male. I'm 58. I was diagnosed last year at age 57. You are doing very important work. Keep it up. I know how hard it can be to produce content regularly as an autistic muscian for my own channel. I suggest including links to online self asessment tools for autism in your show-notes. Always - at or near the top. As a resource for people wondering if they are autistic. It's how my diagnositc journey began. Viewers can self screen, and can print out or email or text autism positive test results to mental health providers, who are then obligated by professional standards of care to follow-up with refferals to qualified autism diagnosis specialists - at least in America. Thanks

[@earthaforester3141]

I've taken several online questionnaires for autism (debating professional assessment), and I find most of the questions to be infuriating or confusing. And being able to predict what the psychologist thinks the "autistic answer" is can influence my response, especially when every single answer I want to give is "well it depends". A 20minute questionnaire takes me an hour to fill out, and even then I never feel confident that I was able to accurately express myself. And that's not even in a clinical setting. I'm terrified of being professionally assessed partially for this reason. Regarding museum vs theater, I enjoy both, and it depends on my mood and energy level on any given day. I also suspect I have ADHD, and so I can feel very distracted and overwhelmed in museums because there are so many things to focus on / read / see, and it's a maze of exhibits all with different themes, and yeah it's echoey and loud. So a theatre would actually probably be better because you have a single stage to focus on, the lights in the auditorium go down, and it's an immersive and enriching artistic experience. So why professionals would assume "museum" is the autistic / neurodivergent answer, and "theatre" counts against you in autism points (which you have to accumulate enough of to be diagnosed) is STUPID and insulting. It's like they made up a game and you have to figure out how to hack it in order to get the results you need, and I hate that. I want to just be able to be honest. Sigh...

[@BrickNewton]

I'm just worried they will look at the results and go, oh he just choose those to make it look like he actually had it. And sometimes museums/art galleries can be too quiet and the noise of shoes such as high heel type shoes drives me crazy

[@Marscandy1]

My daughters got diagnosed very early. I have an awesome pediatric neurologist. My oldest was diagnosed at 4, my youngest was diagnosed not long after her. I’m so grateful that they’re going to grow up knowing there is nothing wrong with them, they just think differently. My daughters know they’re autistic and they’re not afraid of letting people know. This is how I am, and that’s okay.

[@mikaylaeager7942]

Yeah. I can’t get behind that dance theory. My experience with dance involved a lot of judgmental mean girls who thought I was a weirdo… I made zero friends and on top of that my poor proprioception, dyslexia, and difficulty processing instructions made it near impossible to learn a routine. It wasn’t until I started going out to live music as an adult and I could move my body however I wanted that I realized how much I loved dancing!

[@latifx3944]

I was originally diagnosed as bipolar by a therapist.(The same therapist who tried saying I had Narcissistic personality disorder. She really didn't like me.). Every time I tried bringing up autism and my childhood adhd I was immediately dismissed because "you're just going through a manic phase. Every time you're manic you bring this up " I eventually got a new therapist and decided I would get tested at a 3rd party psychologist by self recommendation. Turns out I was/am Autistic with adhd and they completely ruled out bipolar. It was such a huge relief to know that what I was feeling and going through was real. I felt seen for the first time in my life. I cried too. Always be a self avocate! Don't be afraid to reach out on your own for answers. Its made a huge difference in how I operate in life and my own self perceptions.

[@SimoneDePascalis]

YES. Funnily enough, I took a couple exhibit/experience/museum design classes at uni, back when I had no idea I could've been neurodivergent, and when discussing some techniques around pacing, timing and framing of the single exhibits, I was constantly skeptical about the likelihood that an actual person could perform this weird walk-stare-read-repeat dance effortlessly (also reading the room and taking other attendants and friends who you came with into count) and actually enjoy themselves. I mean, could I merely stand such experience? Of course. Would I've actually learned something about the actual exhibited content at the end of it? Highly doubt.

[@StudioHannah]

I keep going back and forth on whether I think I’m autistic or not. I want to say yes, because what I’ve heard is sooooo relatable to my experience of life. But I also want to say no, because… I don’t know! I’d feel fake and stupid if it turned out to not be true, I guess. But man, that first video was really relatable. My autistic friends are all so relatable. So many of my childhood issues growing up fit right in with autism. GOOOOSH.

[@hudsonhaynie1632]

I feel the same, and I also don’t want the imposter syndrome that comes from my “KZbin diagnosis”. My formal ADHD diagnosis was a huge changing point in my life for the better, so I think an autism diagnosis would only help! Sorry for the rambling

[@vincent_alastor]

If you feel like you're faking it, you're probably not faking it. Someone who's faking it KNOWS they're faking it.

[@iambicpentakill971]

Even if someone told me that I wasn't, I would continue to make decisions as though I am, because it works

[@kyu2o337]

I'm currently going through the diagnosis process after having a bit of a revelation about how I experience the world. I've also recently been through rehab where I finally came to terms with my alcoholism. It's really strange how many parallels there are between the two journeys. For a long time I told myself I wasn't an alcoholic and even though I correctly identified my drinking was a problem, I told myself I was just weird and had a different relationship with alcohol. Reluctantly going to rehab, I was almost immediately set straight when I heard many people say the same things I had been thinking. Obviously it was a heavy realization that I was different in a way that would affect me for the rest of my life, but it was also a relief to know I wasn't alone, and that many many people had the same issues as me.

[@arc4705]

3:30 I actually gasped and had to stop to compose myself when you said it's like being trapped behind glass. I've literally always described all my social connections/interactions as "being stuck behind a glass wall" and none of my therapists ever understood what I meant and thought I was just describing general loneliness... but it has to do with observation and understanding too, and I never knew how to describe this in full in a way they would understand. Thank you for casually validating my analogy!!

[@thedanitone]

I was in tap-dance for several years as a kid. One of my school teachers came to one of the dance recitals and my parents to this day can remember how shocked my teacher was at seeing me perform. Apparently I looked like a different person onstage, not the shy, awkward kid that she knew in class. I also knew a girl in school at that time that did ballet but went to a different dance studio. She was so excited when she got her first pair of toe shoes that she brought them to school to show me. I had the pleasure to see her perform in The Nutcracker at our local theater. Man, that brings back memories.

[@lisadikaprio]

omg the theater and the museum question! for me it's the opposite: the theater is just right for me since i can sit in one spot and stim as much as i like without other people seeing it cause it's dark and only the stage is lit up, and if i don't concentrate on the stage for a while and look somewhere else listening to actors perform or the music then it's not big deal. whereas in a museum, there are a lot of people around and they distract the hell out of me with all their noises and talk and i can't focus on the artworks i'm looking at; also i feel that i'm constantly being looked at too so i have to watch my body language and mask myself over-pretending to look and analyze an artwork (even though i look and analyze the artwork anyways, it's just that around people i feel the need to communicate clearer that i do that, which ends up distracting me)

[@lizstokes9091]

Oh the meltdown one brought back a buried memory... I'm excellent at masking, so I was in my mid to late 30's the 1st time my mom witnessed a meltdown (not counting early childhood). It shocked her so much that she actually stepped out of character and tried to console me, the one time I needed her cold standoffish self LOL She proceeded to do what any logical NT would do...called my NT best friend and the 2 of them proceeded to get me drunk to forget my troubles 😶🤣 I puked so much and felt like hell for 2 days after, haven't drank since (approx 8yrs). At the time, I thought they were crazy but I was SO embarrassed to be caught in that state, I didn't argue with their idea of "help". Now I realize, that while it was the absolute worst approach for me, they were just doing what they would have wanted someone to do for them. It also makes me question my reaction to same friend having a breakdown after her mom passed unexpectedly. About a yr afterwards, I found her curled into a ball, crying in bed. I crawled in as big spoon and cried with her til her heart rate slowed back to normal, then let her be until she was ready to talk. I have no idea if my approach was the solution she needed, but it was what I would have needed in same situation. (Context: I can't ask because we grew apart and I gave up trying)

[@dougshort3821]

I loved the doctor scenes. Today I finally got to see my GP after fighting the office manager for a month over telephone versus a face to face appointment. He is going to refer me for diagnosis. I'm 63 and could have cried with relief. I'm not sure what he made of me as even after he said he'd refer me I was still pushing it. I took a few bits of well researched paperwork and a personal statement with me and I think it helped.

[@charlottemckenzie5259]

I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 37 after my 8-year-old boy and it's near world of difference for me I accept myself so much more now it makes everything just really make sense now my two-year-old is being assessed for autism

[@msdeb7651]

I had the same reaction as you did. I am 54 years old, it hit me right in my Autistic heart. Thank you ladies for sharing yourselves with us that need that connection! 💜

[@WaysideArtist]

I know, right? That first one. I'm 62 and that was my life and feeling like a total f-up my entire life. I live in gratitude for other autistics giving me shelter even though I'm not formally diagnosed.Thank you for being so authentic, so real, so compassionate. Thank you!! 💖

[@Disney8272]

The BPD one hit me hard. I realized about a year ago that I'm autistic and I've been peeling back the layers of my life and finally understanding why CBT and DBT never worked for me, how my autistic burnout was misdiagnosed as depression for years, and why doctors started diagnosing me with BPD in my mid 20s.

[@NielvanSteenderen]

The part on dance, made me prick up my ears. When I discovered the rave scene many years ago, it was like coming home. I used to dance easy 15 hours a week. I found it very healing. I miss it deeply. I think I am starting to understand why. Moving going for a dance, higher up my priority list, it has been to many years.

[@Kitalenex]

I got diagnosed a couple months ago at 25. I love musicals. Theatre over Musium every day. Although I hate the crowds both entering and exiting the place, I love actual musicals. And at least if you're at the theatre, people are less likely to interrupt you while you're watching XD

[@LaurenLindblad]

ive had a meltdown at a museum but never a theatre. everyone is sitting in assigned seats and i know what to expect (i mostly see musicals i’m fixated on)! museums can be CROWDED.

[@melissabennett6571]

I’ve been self-diagnosed for a few years and still some content that gives me “aha” moments like the meltdown video. I haven’t had a meltdown in decades and forgot I ever had them (I surround myself with people who respect my needs and boundaries) but when I was a child I was constantly looking and feeling like the meltdown example because I was not allowed privacy and was not allowed to walk away from situations. It got so bad my mom thought I was possessed by a demon and performed two exorcisms on me. All I needed was to be alone. 😢

[@28pinkdancer]

2:27 "Had I known about [autism], I think I'd have known that I'm more suggestible...and I might not have ended up in the situations that I did." Reading this drove me to tears. I never considered I could be autistic until well after I was done with university, and I expressed exactly this feeling to my partner not too long ago.

[@jackson5802]

I think the dance hypothesis is pretty spot on. When I was first starting to research neurodivergence I focused on ADHD and used my passion for ballet as a way of discrediting the idea that I could have ADHD. I'd think "how could I have this condition known for short attention spans if I'm the one known for always remembering". Especially since the only person I danced with who was open with his ADHD at the time could never remember combinations. Then I looked into autism and then the two conditions existing comirbidly and realized that it's my special interest and very helpful for stimming.

[@OwebMakesArt]

8:36 I was diagnosed just a few months ago and trying to get any accommodations from school was absolute hell until i got a diagnosis. 2-3 years ago my mother requested that my middle school do some testing to see if i qualify for an IEP, because i was having trouble working in what i felt was a loud and crowded classroom (17-20 classmates depending on each class). I ended up not qualifying for an IEP or a 504 plan because all they did was the intellectual testing and i was "too good at it" for them to see anything wrong, when most of what i did was read nonsense words and use red and white blocks to make whatever shape was on the paper in front of me. Due to me being undiagnosed and a "bright kid", the only accomodation the school let me have was noise cancelling headphones that i had to sign a contract for to agree to using them "correctly". I had to ask permission to use them from the teacher in every class (7 teachers a day, 5 core classes like math and science and 2 Global Apps like art and gym) and i couldnt use them when the teacher was talking, or in the hallways which is where i needed them most. Most teachers were understanding of the fact that kids are loud and annoying though, so some were more lenient than others with following the contract word for word. Years later after i got the diagnosis, the school agreed to have a meeting discussing the results of my neuropsych evaluation, and I didnt have to do testing from the school and they pretty much immediately gave me a 504 plan halfway through the meeting. It was 100x easier once i had an actual diagnosis, and even got put into all honors classes due to my "twice-exceptional profile" (being autistic and intellectually gifted). The only issue i had with this meeting was that i spent almost all of middle school struggling with all the noise in my classes and the halls, being disinterested in some projects and completely hyperfocusing on others, and had been actively trying to get proper accommodations and i only got them on the last day of middle school. Due to it being the summer i don't have any experience with the accomodations ive been given yet, starting highschool this September, but i do know that teachers in my area tend to be a little weird about student's 504s (ive seen some kids get their accommodations denied by teachers, such as being allowed a 5 minute walk when they need a break, because of the teachers thinking that they're overusing them). Ive already dealt with my middle school ignoring my attempts at advocating for myself when i wasnt diagnosed with anything though, and i hsve a file of my neuropsych report saved to my personal and school accounts. The recommended accommodations are in the Neuropsych report itself, as the one who did the testing explained that if they are in the report then it should be consistent across schools as they aren't just whatever the teacher thinks i need as an accomodation. Now i have something to actually show as proof that i need said accommodations, so i hope highschool goes a little smoother than middle school did.

[@nothankyewpls]

Masking is exhausting, but a lot of times needed. I grew up in an abusive house, and made masking a necessity for survival. As I've been living outside the abusive house, my masking has relaxed a bit, and it helped me to realize how much I've been masking and how exhausting it is to do it so often for so long.

[@soundlessbee]

How nice that people don't like the theatre or museum question, because that's where I got stuck for the longest, because I love both. It depends so much on the play or the exhibit and what exactly I feel like doing at the moment. I would say that museums are sometimes even worse, because in theatres you sit still and the audience is quiet, when in museums people often talk and they are moving around. I recently went to a museum and there were quite a few school groups running and yelling and it wasn't ideal. I would love to go to a lot of places, if there weren't other people around 😁

[@Respectable_Username]

23:09 Yes, super relatable. This is how I burn out of hobbies and end up going cold-turkey because it's too hard to keep up. One of my "things" is not being able to skip an episode in a series, so if I end up too far behind, it just becomes a stressor and I'm more likely just to drop the series but also feel guilty about it. I remember doing that with KZbin as a whole around 2012 when I'd subbed to too many channels and couldn't keep up, and went about 2 years without watching anything before slowly starting back up again. Happened again in the last couple of years with Minecraft KZbin. And now I'm feeling the same with work Slack where I'm following what's probably objectively too many channels but I feel I _need_ to know the work stuff and the social stuff and the news-y stuff etc etc, and annoyingly it's not something I can just drop entirely because it's my _work_ Slack. Still, I should probably redo my channel categories and mute entire categories of info I don't _need_ to follow or which don't spark enough joy (though still keeping channels like the ADHD channel which is hand-on-heart the _best_ ADHD resource I know to exist and it's a right shame the wider world doesn't have access to it. I guess the rest of the world has Reddit?). But it is stressful, and it'll take time to do that recategorising, time that I don't feel I have when there's more bolded, unread channels for me to read every message of! Did I mention how I can't skip messages? Sorry, I feel like I vent a lot in your comments. Please know I'm not venting to you (well, technically I'm venting at anyone who'll read, but I don't expect any individual to read). These videos are just really good at triggering thoughts (in a good way) and synthesising thoughts into a comment is my way of processing them!

[@imgeniusish]

trapped behind glass is one of the best descriptions ive ever heard, it describes my experience so well

[@MiraeChaos]

I'm autistic and absolutely love to dance BUT I can't imagine it being a majority thing in dance classes... Because dance *classes* were a horrendously traumatizing experience for me personally. It could be down to bad teachers, but for me, the inability to copy and remember movements, the fact i just can't learn physically as fast as the rest of the group was really upsetting and stressing and invited ostracization. Which is really sad because I'd love to learn properly, but I can't ever face that nightmare again.

[@KimKim-ev4sx]

"Would you rather go to the theatre or a museum?" Me "Ok but which museum? And at which time? Am I alone or with my partner? Will there be a lot of families because of school vacations or will it be a quiet museum? And same for the theatre, of which show are we talking about? And is it a huge theatre or a small one? Where will I sit? Do they expect me to interact or can I just lean back and enjoy the show? I need details! I can't make a decision with such little information!!!"

[@MDev1997]

Also, DBT isn't always group therapy. That's the most common version, but when I got out of my Intensive Outpatient DBT program in senior year of high school, part of my discharge plan was pairing me with an individual therapist who specializes in DBT, which was also super helpful

[@imautisticnowwhat]

Oh, that's interesting! Thank you so much for sharing that & your story 💛💛

[@andrayellowpenguin]

yes yes yes yes yes yes yeeeessss to every single one! and this is the first time i hear talking about how a special interest can become so obsessive you wish you didn't have it! and that's so true about controlling the rest of your life through that special interest. i was going through some really hard time with uncontrollable things this summer, and my psy put me on medical leave because i couldn't cope with work on top of it all, and then being home more and trying to calm down i started doing some macrame and i just got so obsessive about it that i was sprouting projects in my head non stop and couldn't put them all in practice or even on paper and i couldn't even sleep anymore because all my brain was doing was thinking in knots and colors and fiber combinations! 🙀

[@drbaureis5934]

I've never lost it with someone like I did with my 7 year old son's teacher who sent me photos of him having a meltdown in class. She literally stood there in front of his entire class photographing my son at his most vulnerable. That is sickening behavior, especially when perpetrated by a figure of trust in a child's life.

[@ScarryGargoyle]

Wow

[@amybarnhill8338]

I never thought about it before, but as a child I loved dance. I loved moving around and I loved how acceptable it was to move around so freely. As a teen I hated being in ballet. Not because I no longer felt the need to move around, but because dance as a child had been absolutely traumatizing for me due to the teacher and her methods. But yes, I absolutely loved dance for this reason!

[@SmallSpoonBrigade]

I thought that I hated dancing because the first exposures I had to it were being forced to square dance in school and then later at a work event. But, then I took a waltz class to try and meet women. I didn't meet any women because everybody else was there as part of a couple, but it turns out that I like dancing, and I'm not terrible. Then again, I didn't think I'd like rocking, but somedays it is the only thing that gets my anxious thoughts and ruminations to stop other than medication. It's amazing to me that some people grow up and have this connection to their own bodies, I was like a camera floating around without really interacting with the world. I'd look down and be like, I cut myself. When did I cut myself? Well, I’m bleeding, so clearly I cut myself on something. I hope I didn't leave any blood somewhere that I won't find for 6 months.

[@Respectable_Username]

Speaking of meltdowns, I think I used to have them a lot as a kid, or at least it was really easy to make me cry. The response from adults and other kids was always telling me that I should just stop crying, as if crying was something under my control somehow? I remember the words I would use is that it "just popped out of me". I had no control over it yet was being told off for doing it, and as an adult I actually find it quite difficult to cry, even when it'd be emotionally healthy to do so and get that release, because I've learned to force myself to suppress crying throughout my life, and there's only a limited number of incredibly embarrassing incidents as an adult where I've gotten worked up over what should be trivial things to the point of having that crying pop out again despite it not being helpful and in fact extremely counterproductive and just made everything worse and... ugh, people who think that's something anybody can control, as opposed to suggesting we "take 5" or offer a hug (depending on the circumstance) is just flat out an idiot

[@wakeupstylellc]

I can’t say it enough, thank you for making your videos ❤ my 7 year old was recently diagnosed, and I am trying to be a loving and understanding parent, and your content helps me so much . 🥰🙏

[@RandomPerson74088]

The theater vs museum question totally threw me. But then… musicals all the way through high school, backstage and front of house all the way through university (I got a science degree btw) and then another 10-12 years of studying opera. So. Um. Theatres are some of the most structured places out there. All aspects of theater have a very hierarchical structure, whether on stage or behind the scenes. There is LITERALLY a script to follow. The back stage and front of house roles are as clearly defined as the on stage ones. Even the audience pretty much follows the same script every time they go to the theater and many people go alone.

[@mauritsbol4806]

2:00 stop crying, you make me cry😡🥲

[@imautisticnowwhat]

Sorrry 😭😂 It was hell to edit because I can't watch the damn thing without tearing up!! Witchcraft.

[@Sakichii]

The theatre has seats, and is predictable and you are seeing something you like. The last museum I went to was crowded and noisy and full of kids, it was so overwhelming. Definitely the theatre.

[@virre1981]

Loved to dance as a kid, was told "boys don't dance and anyway you are too clumpsy" and yeah cis-male with a spectrum diagnosis. Also thanks for your videos, I lately been doubting my diagnosis, because has job and not that main of the typical symptoms but then you say something and I go "oh that is me" .

[@imautisticnowwhat]

I'm so sorry you were told that. I do feel like I'm seeing more boys performing as the years go by, which is reassuring. Still hugely outnumbered, unfortunately. I'm glad I could help a little bit - the imposter syndrome is real sometimes. Thank you so much for watching 😊

[@alejandro-314]

I had the same experience. My father, and kids and teacher at primary school told me the same words, but with a more derogative term. I feel anxious every time I hear any kind of dancing music (which is basically everywhere).

[@EllePhoenixMC]

I chose museum, but that doesn't mean I don't like the theater. I love stories, I love preformances like concerts, dance, and plays. I just have so many good memories of going to museums on school trips and with my family. Museums and historical sights are my favorite places to go on vacation. I love concerts especially. You would think they would be over stimulating for me because they have a lot of things that do stress me out a lot, like noise, bright lights, and the smell of weed. And don't get me wrong, I never want to go in the mosh pit, but seeing art on stage in a controlled environment being able to fully emerse in the experience is amazing!

[@daminox]

I'm also a late-diagnosed adult and I love your channel!

[@imautisticnowwhat]

Thank you!! 💛💛💛

[@clayrehling9579]

I was amazed to watch this video after I thought of the idea to slow it down to 85% speed. Suddenly I wasn't feeling like I couldn't give her my full attention, and I wasn't overwhelmed to watch the person having a meltdown! When I slowed the video down (with the KZbin settings), I could follow all her information. I re-watched the meltdown and felt very strong empathy, but I wasn't upset by it.

[@tyongchive]

18:41 This actually happened to me yesterday, I was overstimulated, I was in a store and I kept walking around and my mom kept talking to me and talking to me. We were at a hotel and she kept talking as I was clearly saying I was overestimulated and clearly in distress, but she kept talking and I just cried and lashed out at her crying, i threw my bag and phone and started rocking back and forth, holding my headphones as music played. I just couldn't stop crying, I was just breathing really hard and I was so so tired after. Then when I finally calmed myself my mom called it a "tantrum". It made me angry again cause you're clearly seeing me at my worse and calling it a tantrum? It just irks me thinking about how she handled me being in that. I haven't been diagnosed, and my family doesn't think I have it. I just want to understand why is this research that I see connecting to me? Why are these things that others that are diagnosed with it, why do I feel the same? It's just so irritating when I clearly am desprfor answers and can't get any for how I feel.

[@gengarfluid]

I'm autistic, and this has happened tons of times to me and they were meltdowns each time. processing speech takes up so much mental energy, and it sounds like you had a meltdown (which isn't always extremely physical) because of that overstimulation. I'm so sorry she immediately invalidated you - but your experiences track and you aren't alone.

[@tyongchive]

@@gengarfluid Thank you, it's really hard to have these and deal with them alone but, I've found some comfort with my interests in music and art so, I get through them. I really appreciate it, I think having that view of someone with same experiences as me and deals with the same makes me feel some sort of comfort.

[@tabithafletcher563]

You've helped me so much to feel validated in who I am and always have been. I'm 45, and so diagnosis totally skipped me by. I wanted a diagnosis, but quickly found out that it was impossible for me. I only drive on the same roads that I'm very familiar with, and my husband drives me everywhere else. So, I found a way around that with some help, but then the places I wanted to seek a diagnosis from required me to call and set the appointment. I can not talk on the phone with a stranger. I have a hard enough time with people I'm close to. My husband was willing to make the appointment for me, but they wouldn't have it. I had to be the one who sought help. And I'm like, but this is how I'm seeking help. The self talk started, where I was trying to talk myself into calling, like maybe if I prepared first, or maybe if my husband pushed the numbers and then handed me the phone. Maybe this or maybe that. Anyway, long story short, after a few months, I gave up and realized that this just wasn't possible for me. But videos like yours that don't vilify people for self-diagnosing are really truly helpful. Thank you!

[@kathrynolivo8532]

My sister and I are autistic (and maybe ADHD?) and we loved being in dance when we were younger. Idk how many of the other girls in my class were neurospicy, tho. And on the meltdowns, mine used to resemble tantrums, but now they are a lot more like panic attacks. Lovely video, as always!

[@andrayellowpenguin]

oh that first one... yeah... feels good to not feel so alone anymore... the only thing i couldn't relate to was the difficulties of leaving the comfort of your childhood home. i was happy to leave, because once i left i could at least be myself at home without any worry... when i was living with my parents most of the time i just locked myself in my room because i felt i couldn't be myself otherwise.

[@Ms.Whatever.6]

It is sad that people don’t like someone because they’re autistic

[@blackmooncultx9552]

I really felt that melt down clip.. 😢❤ I sympathize for people having those experiences, even neurotypicals. It simply sucks to be overwhelmed.

[@chloemarie5173]

Does anyone know how to tell the difference between a panic attack and a meltdown? I'm diagnosed with social anxiety disorder and generalized anxiety, and have had experiences that I've assumed are panic attacks/anxiety attacks (and some of them definitely were) but watching these videos I feel like some of them are very similar to what meltdowns are shown and described as. I've never seriously considered being autistic so I have no clue lol.

[@imautisticnowwhat]

Perhaps thinking about what triggers the meltdowns/panic attacks for you? Is it sensory stuff in your environment? Is it ever caused by change or feeling out of control? There's a lot of crossover for sure!

[@miglek9613]

In my experience (although I'm also still learning about meltdowns and have had really intense anxiety but never panic attacks) meltdowns aren't caused by nor feel like anxiety (in my case I experience a feeling of my skin "lifting" from my body, a strong need to squeeze or claw at something, sometimes cry a little (I have extreme difficulty crying in general), might start yelling at others in frustration, lose awareness of anything outside my body, etc. Sometimes I also experience a sense of numbness/emptiness (emotional and physical, especially in my limbs), often paired with feelings of derealisation) while panic attacks have the typical symptoms of panic attacks (heart palpitations, laboured breathing, nausea, sense of impending doom, etc)

[@chloemarie5173]

@@imautisticnowwhat Definitely can be environmental stuff/feeling out of control, but also the triggers are connected to things that make me anxious? I would have to really track when they happen and the circumstances surrounding it, but that makes sense! Love your videos btw!

[@chloemarie5173]

​@@miglek9613 I can relate to that, especially the need to claw/kick something, but there's always anxiety involved to some degree for me! I definitely will have to research it more!

[@steveneardley7541]

I am high-functioning autistic, and have never had meltdowns. But I have had a lot of garden variety panic attacks. Panic attacks cause shortness of breath, the heart skipping beats or beating irregularly, sometimes numbness in the arms or legs. The irregular heartbeat is the main thing. There is no behavioral component to a panic attack, outside of feeling very scared--that one might be dying or having a heart attack. By the way, I eliminated my panic attacks permanently by eliminating milk products from my diet. I was allergic to milk, and the panic attacks were a reaction to this allergy.

[@AlyssaGrawey]

I guess the one good thing about healthcare in America is that you have a "primary care physician", either a gp, np, or family doctor or something similar. So you see them every time instead of a random person. But you can also request to change the person you're seeing.

[@thetonytaye]

Ehh… I love Paige dgmw but I thought that take of hers was iffy tbh. I agree that there’s a heavy correlation and there’s a case to be made that Au/DHDers are more likely to have the urge to dance, but to say that every single person who dances is like that is problematic when a lot of autists tend to take things very literally.

[@Maryaminx]

It's an interesting take but she has another similar vid about "all our dads are autistic" that I have similar issues with.

[@KANDI-]

Yeah I agree. It’s too much of a blanket statement and yes maybe they have one trait but autism isn’t just that one trait. It’s so much more than that so I don’t think you can say “all dancers are autistic/adhd” because it’s not just about movement and being understimulated, it’s routine, anxiety, social communication, meltdowns etc

[@thetonytaye]

@@MaryaminxAt least with that video though she began by saying that “there’s a chance that he probably could be, maybe” when talking about our dads being autistic. On the dance video though she just straight up says that she thinks that all people who feel the need to dance are autistic and/or have ADHD. If she even said that they “could be” then it would’ve been better. Words make a world of difference sometimes.

[@whitney_central986]

18:42 (TW meltdown clip) I have had a meltdown exactly like this with my dad recently. He always interrupts me when I try to explain something from my end, and at one point I was desperately begging him to stop for a second because he had ramped me up to the point that I couldn't breathe AND explain myself at the same time, and it had to be one or the other. Something about finding a new job, which is really difficult because I love my job and the peopleI work with. I've been dealing with a lingering burnout for so long, and it got to the point where I completely avoided my family whenever possible while still living with them, because they would do things that made my meltdowns so much more prevalant and explosive, but then would claim that I'm the one pissing them off. Even now, living in a separate house and finally having a better relationship, I dread when they visit because I'm afraid they will scream at me or tell me they "feel no sympathy when I cry anymore," like when I was a teenager. They never said it again, but they still believe I'm just a lazy procrastinater, and not autistic or clinically abnormal in any way. It both felt so validating and so triggering to see someone who understands what it's like to just scream for other people to please, please just stop talking for a moment. I'm saving up to go in for a diagnosis, and I thank this person for sharing their perspective, and spreading understanding. I'm crying, I'm so happy but sad. Thanks for including that clip, it was really eye-opening.

[@SilentWitness89]

For the first 32 years of my life, especially when I turn 13. All these so-called experts told me that I had psychosis and borderline personality disorder. At one point, somebody diagnosed me as a sociopath. When I finally met within neuros psychologist at one particular inpatient stay and finally had the proper testing. The neuropsychologist said " You're not psychotic. You're on the spectrum" And finally 33 years of pure nightmare existence I finally started to feel whole.

[@honeymellon11]

The problem too is with the museum question is if im alone or not. If im with anyone going to a museum is a nightmare. I spend most of the time anxious about being in the way, if im spending too much or too little time at a spot i want. I stay focused on fitting into the group. Im not registering anything anyones saying about anythint there. At the theater i can forget im there and just be engulfed in the story. Then enjoy breaking apart one show together after. A museum alone with headphones is amazing i can spend 2 seconds or 2 hours anywhere i want and leave the fantasy worlds private. I like both things but they both have their spots. Its the i can go to a museum in the day and the theater at night tweet

[@piddlydiddly]

That museum/theatre tripped me up. Love me a good museum, but translated theatre to mean where I see bands live (as they are often in theatre buildings), which is often the most amazing thing for me ever, as, dancing (in particular, jumping up and down) is one of my lifelone special interests and I can do that there for the entire show and not look strange :D

[@matthollywood8060]

First of all, it was really heartwarming watching you watch the first one. Just from having watched your videos before I knew you were going to see yourself in the little girl. The second thing was regarding the RAADS question about theatre vs. museum. I also had trouble with that one but I've also seen someone opine online that it may be by design, that if a clinician is administering the test, they're actually not looking for which answer you choose, but for whether you over explain why it's impossible for you to answer. I also had an experience on a very crowded day at the British Museum where after touring most of the rooms I finally said "I'm full" and had to leave, even though there were still things I wanted to see. This was decades before I had read or heard anything about autism or sensory overwhelm and started seeking a diagnosis.

[@chiaraimpeduglia1308]

On the topic of "the person who is supposed to love and protect you", the key word there is "supposed". You see, people are taught to see certain acts as socially wrong or instinctively realize that autistic people act in ways that are considered wrong, and since we are similar to animals in this, the instinct is to either make whatever it is stop, or to reject the person doing it, just like in nature when if a specimen acts differently it can endanger everyone else, a part of others brains reacts the same way. Because being rejected would spell death in nature. So, it is quite possible to be both loved but also rejected because of non- conforming. Which results in an understanding from a young age that you literally cannot trust or rely on anyone. And I say this from personal experience.

[@musingsofmessa]

I used to have a hyperfixation with Squishmallows - I have a small collection of them, from big ones to smaller ones. :3 And now, I'm hyperfixated on a plush company called Plushie Dreadfuls. It is stressful, because I love all the designs for the bunnies. If I see one I really like, and one that describes me, I feel I need that bunny plush that exact moment, or it'll just fizzle away, or I'll be really sad if I don't have that exact bunny plushie. I relate to the second to last TikTok so much.

[@kalieris]

Now I understand why I love my sleep headphones so much. They are an eye mask with embedded wireless headphones, and just shut out Everything. They also kind of hug my head softly. My second favorite is Bluetooth earbuds under a satin sleep cap pulled down over my eyes. I’m a side sleeper, so regular can-style headphones won’t work for me at night. Hmm, but maybe I can try them during the day, especially on days where I feel disregulated.

[@SingingSealRiana]

Love them too!!! They are great ^^

[@Randomneotch1234]

To cope with the lack of services in my area and lack of diagnosis, I’ve found comfort in my degree path, education with a speciality of ASD. The more I went through school the more I realized I relate to these life experiences and it explains so much of my life and the struggles I’ve been through. While working in the field now will give me greater access to testing, I’m also okay with not getting an official diagnosis because just knowing I have ASD is comforting

[@meganmisaki4429]

I’ve had episodes that I’ve called panic attacks, and episodes where I would have to leave the room and go to a quiet, dark, isolated space and attempt to regain a sense of composure (or panic till I fall asleep) since I was quite young, and I’ve been diagnosed with a severe social phobia and major depressive disorder. And yet, it’s never quite felt right…(especially since I’ve been speaking to mental health professionals in an effort to feel better,) Over the last bit of time I’ve been stuffing as much information, on multiple fronts (predominantly autism,) into my head, as can fit… honestly the more I study the more it feels like I am “meeting” people like me… I’m still talking to doctors about the subject but I’ll find out👀? Hopefully soon…

[@YukiLeiu]

When I did my autism assessment I had a large explanation to the museum/theatre question but I also chose the museum because I know that’s the answer that was wanted.

[@joshmiller887]

I had a meltdown at work. I’m in senior leadership and as you can imagine, that was not a good look for a “leader”. My job was threatened that day by my boss. I haven’t disclosed my diagnosis with him yet. I’m conflicted on whether or not I should.

[@AtheistsSurvivalGuide]

For 56 years I felt like a dumb child in social situations and trying to climb the career ladder, constantly stepping into social land mines of freezing up, melting down, or saying something too bluntly or impolitic. Diagnosis mattered even at 56 when, even though very successful, I hit the limits of my masking capabilities and exhausted myself into a burnout. For the past 4 months I have been (thankfully) crying for joy and sorrow as I slip out of my mask and become the person I wish I had been from the start. Never get discouraged. Doctors do t know everything and many force you to do all of the research for fear of lawsuits (US)

[@LunarEclipseIsCoool]

I remember a couple days ago I tried to explain/ask questions to my mom on my behaviour as a child and her first response was "no you were normal, happy kid who got along with the other kids, you were NORMAL" and its discouraging because I relate to much to autism and everyone at a young age has some sort of thing they did as a kid and I dont, which means that im probably not autistic and theres something else wrong with me, but then I need to figure out what that is because I cant stop thinking about it. Its frustrating because I dont want her to reassure me, i want answers. She gets upset with me when I explained I watched videos like these and kept telling me i cant self diagnose because im me, a professional needs to do that and yap yap yap. I KNOW!! But I still want to find out more about myself so I can cope, I need closure of some sorts but she doesnt understand. Its all I want to focus on and if I dont I feel anxious, but if I watch too much or overthink it I ruin the intrest for myself, and then I discourage myself because of how ridiculous my thoughts can be, its just very hard to just get dismissed and be deemed "normal" when thats not what I was asking in the first place!!!!!! Sorry about the essay but when I mean discourage myself from the interest, basically I feel stupid and so I take a "break" which usually lasts a couple hours and then I like.. Get into it again 😪

[@JinxDoesChaos]

I don't remember a lot of my life, this causes me to not being able to remember things like if i'm stimming or what I act like during a meltdown/shutdowns.

[@Kat-z3b]

My brother was afab but diagnosed autistic not BPD, he has done DBT and found it super helpful for emotional regulation. I have another afab friend who is diagnosed BPD and ADHD and currently in process of autism diagnosis - and she really does have textbook BPD traits as well as textbook autistic traits. She has also done DBT and found it helpful. :)

[@britlilbit]

When she was having a breakdown I lost it. I felt like my heart was breaking. I know that feeling. You can feel the pain, overwhelm, and stress in her tears.