childhood.

[@ButtSolution]

When I was a kid I thought the word "pussy" was the funniest thing in the universe. Then one day my mom found out that I'd made a Sim City called "Pussyton" and she sat me down and explained what that word actually meant, and that was fucking terrible. She also forbid me from deleting the Pussyton save file until my dad got back from his military deployment so he could yell at me for it too. Pussyton was by far the greatest city I ever made in ANY Sim City game. It was a massively successful metropolis with virtually no crime and a gigantic economic output.

[@tumultoustortellini]

what happened when your dad got back?

[@angelahughes7049]

im moving immediately

[@VinOnline]

What did your dad say?

[@isaiahtorrezao7461]

What did your dad say?

[@fusel5883]

In German a common insult is "wichser", meaning wanker, but when I first heard it, I mistook it for the German word for blender. So I called my brother and a choice of others blender for about 3 years....

[@philipjohnson3225]

- Introduces himself - Sends 1,000 blank text messages - Refuses to elaborate - Leaves

[@JailerGamer]

A real Chad

[@_Doskii]

Girls like them mysterious I guess

[@vez3834]

- Still gets the friend's number. Somehow.

[@TauGeneration]

Ligma male grindset

[@xfreja]

LMAOOO

[@TheNewRobotMaster]

Ah yes all the staples of childhood: near death experiences, going to the school dance, deer farm...

[@lovsaphirars7119]

Deer Farm is a 2 for one, better than the school dance and a near death experience.

[@thomassomeone4868]

traveling piss collection woman 👍

[@cargentiusg5289]

Calling everyone a wanker

[@eazybuxafew]

I lost it at deer farm. All composure out the window!!

[@Nicholasvelaz22]

Deer farm WITH near death experiences no less..

[@Ipsolus]

I remember seeing a PSA as a kid that essentially said "Dont run with scissors, you'll fall and cut yourself". I laughed like, yeah right TV, scissors cut paper, not people. So that's how I ended up stabbing my arm trying to prove the TV wrong

[@kono_dioda87]

-Tv says scissors cut people -Scissors only cut paper, duh -Hurts self with scissors -Got stabbed instead of cut Still proved them wrong

[@FallingPicturesProductions]

Are you sure you just weren't using the scissors meant for people cutting?

[@knightscroftsquire-muldoon]

@@FallingPicturesProductions That's a bloody good point mate

[@Zexion0]

So the lesson here is believe everything the TV tells you. Got it!

[@balacleaver583]

a kid in my class did this and somehow managed to gouge out his eye.

[@draegur]

I bet ManyKudos' dad was listening to him go "tanker" "uanker" "vanker" and just waiting for him to say "wanker" so he could scare the hell out of him.

[@matteuzs]

he was thinking the words and only said "wanker" because it seemed to be a fun word to say

[@orion1210]

My parents literally did the same thing when I was going down the list of letters to replace the T in Tigger. Sounds like an edgy joke but it's a real thing I did

[@ondrejnemec2602]

But i don't know any bad words ending with -igger. :(( ​@@orion1210

[@-Timur1214]

tbh I dont see how you can spell vanker without wanker 🐦

[@sickwithflu984]

"if children are the future, how come they never see it coming?" Whoever wrote that line needs to write a book, I will read it

[@TheDonutMan3000]

Honestly, IH intros are way funnier than they have any right to be. He probably spends all 36 months between uploads just trying to think of one liners

[@xSwordLilyx]

Got me thinking bout old T Rex

[@brianlimmy]

Up there with "if space is so big, why won't it fight me"

[@JamesHock]

BANG

[@StrazdasLT]

They saw the future and they know you wont.

[@NightDocs]

Props to Barry. The hero we all deserve

[@lilwyvern4]

I love how thanks to Game Grumps, every editor is officially named Barry.

[@jenniferkeatts7839]

I think you mean Not Barry

[@Beefhaving]

@@lilwyvern4 "Barry" is derived from the ancient sanskrit for "extremely based video editor"

[@yoshidinono8095]

Meh.

[@Doppleganger1016]

@@lilwyvern4 Barry throw in another wolf job!

[@operatordelta2497]

As a Mexican, Nordman most helpful tip is "Don't live in Mexico". Thanks Nordman for your helpful knowledge.

[@loqueninja]

Saquenme de latinoamerica

[@tek4]

I really want to visit Mexico

[@miguelalarcon1802]

I agree, I want out

[@xxizcrilexlxx1505]

@@tek4 is a hell But if u come here PLEASE GET ME OUT SOME SICK WOMEN KILLED MY BROTHER AND COUSIN

[@mauigonz]

Hahahahah

[@MrGeorgeFlorcus]

The 2,000 text message story is one of the funniest things I've ever heard, I can fully picture that being a bit in a stand-up routine lol

[@Danielm1114]

Imagine if this was before unlimited text messaging

[@CaptainARR]

I just lost my shit like I haven't in a long time listening to the bit.

[@Mark_Goddin]

A moment of silence for all the noise “Barry” has to wade through for these videos. We love you, Editor!!

[@GoIdenbaum]

Put that in, Barry.

[@keakuma]

Barry, add a picture of a hamburger bungee jumping, and the hamburger has like, little wobbly eyes, but when it gets to the bottom of the rope the eyes fall off and a dog eats them

[@skeetsmcgrew3282]

Barry, edit that out

[@big_sea]

yes

[@barrytschirpig9328]

Mudan?

[@TheShuckmeister]

I can’t believe I had a childhood without this channel

[@melyanaioanna7644]

Oh hey schuck

[@MyNameAuzzi]

Actual facts

[@Unpug]

O

[@rockinjoker07]

Where's that Hot Pants video dammit

[@karlthejarl2536]

I can’t believe I had a childhood

[@Lilly_Belle]

Mr. Editor, I commend you for putting up with their bullshit shenanigans so we can enjoy this wonderful entertainment. Just know that it never goes unnoticed or unappreciated.

[@big_sea]

yea

[@WakaiSimba]

He's the editor

[@kylerBD]

does he not edit his own videos?

[@tot0byafrica748]

He's the editor lol

[@poggerwhite]

Internet Historian does all the editing I believe. He also creates all the assets in the videos himself which is one of the reasons the videos take so long to come out

[@SonofsamSJF]

When ManyKudos yells “No STOP! It didn’t happen” it gets me every time.

[@lanetsch]

Nordman cries himself to sleep at night not because he pities himself, but because he pities the poor souls who can't access region-locked content

[@felipevega484]

This Guy gets It.

[@randyblekitas-JohnnyPalms]

Leave the nord jokes to internet historian. You’re not funny. Not even a little bit. 🤮

[@nbewarwe]

I can't believe IH would screenshot hundreds of hard-bought NFTs just for a gag at the beginning. it's almost as bad as that time he ruined that bowl of spaghetti in Cost of Concordia. I'm crying and shaking rn

[@generichuman2044]

He had to do it so he could get to the deets

[@Zantam70]

sadge

[@big_sea]

smh

[@errortryagainlater4240]

Top 10 youtubers who went to jail 10) Internet Historian: property theft

[@OysterBoyo]

I'm disgusted and have unsubscribed and called the FBI NFT Section Australia Section. He's going to go in prison and dodon't kill himself.

[@ManyKudos]

At this point I’m pretty much a pro at being pulled out of wet holes

[@a2izzard]

Ya

[@daveogfans413]

ManyKudos, you are my favourite IH sidekick character.

[@boi6002]

I’m pro at making holes dryer than volcanic ash

[@jacobfredman9442]

too bad you're only a pro at pulling out large wet holes

[@kireitonsi]

lmao

[@circleas7192]

Considering that ManyKudos’ phobia is beautiful women’s breasts, it’s not surprising that he was the World’s Gayest Man before dying.

[@Dadallas805]

He'll be missed 😭

[@anwd8646]

(I don’t get the joke)

[@circleas7192]

@@anwd8646 ManyKudos says his phobia is beautiful women’s breasts in ITF Spooky.

[@anwd8646]

@@circleas7192 No I mean saying he’s dead.

[@circleas7192]

@@anwd8646 1:33 “Yeah, I mean, if he was still alive today, surely he would have won this award, but I’m still, uh, grateful to accept it on his behalf.”

[@generichuman2044]

It appears IH has remembered all his passwords simultaneously. Hope we get some more content on this channel. It's always hilarious af

[@SweetMargonade]

He found the sticky note he wrote them all down on XD

[@jakegoodyear7726]

All thanks to Nordpass woman

[@flow185]

@@jakegoodyear7726 Dashlane moment

[@big_sea]

yes

[@RockSolitude]

Yes I'm hopeful we get at least another video this year.

[@pigpig252]

The “do you wanna race us?” Guys were living their best live, absolute gigachads

[@ambrose7196]

I know I would have looked at them in disgust then said 'Ugh... you guys are disgusting. First to three shits wins. ' Then raced to the toilet bowl.

[@ArinyaXoriGMVs]

Gigachads LMFAO!!!!

[@merlenclownshuffles]

YES.

[@AdamusUmbra]

I guarantee the intended plan was to lure in unsuspecting victims and the moment they dropped trou the 2 were gonna pull out cameras and start snapping. Kudos's story could have been VERY different i think.

[@CamperCarl]

Gigachads doing gigashits

[@Frame_Late]

"What's the closest you've come to dying?" As a child, I lived in South Carolina. One day me and my friend thought it would be a great idea to play with an Alligator. It was super chill and let us pet it and stuff, but still not my smartest moment.

[@ojamarojo1301]

I haven't come close to dying myself, but I remember wrestling with my dumbass friend in high school on a trampoline. I dropkicked him in the chest and he fell off the trampoline, landing flat on his back in the grass with so much wind knocked out of him I thought for a second that I was watching the light leave his eyes, lmao We stuck to videogame wrestling after that.

[@priinceoftiime]

What did it feel like, I've only been able to pet Gila Monsters and Snakes, owing to me living in New Mexico

[@erichvondonitz5325]

Mine was almost falling off a speedboat into a lake filled with 6 ft crocs, I didn't know how to swim which makes it worse

[@Sonichero151]

When I was one I ran head first into the a coffee table with sharp edges and nearly split my skull. I still have stitches from where the doctors sowed up the head wound.

[@Raoul.]

I managed to avoid the close death experiences my whole childhood. But then I grew up, and I've almost drowned twice because I went into water while drunk and fucking *FORGOT HOW TO SWIM!!1*

[@GippyHappy]

My childhood near death experience: I was like 7, practicing my ninja moves with a letter opener knife (as you do), started spinning around in circles to see if I could make a tornado. Eventually I decided I would spin until I fell naturally but I landed funny, my elbow bent, and I stabbed myself in the neck. Now, I certainly thought I was going to die, and my siblings screams as the blood started up didn't help, but after all the screaming and running around all I know is I got a bandaid and nothing more so I must have missed my jugular after all. There are 2 additional aspects to this story 1. I remember I went into the bathroom and looked into the mirror, but I was holding my hand over the cut. I decided I wouldn't look because it might give me nightmares and to this day I regret it. Coward! 2. While I was running around screaming I wiped some blood on my grandmother's curtains. Apparently no one ever found out because years later I checked and it was still there, which is how I know I didn't imagine this event.

[@mumkeymaan4600]

Holy fuck, Jesus fucking loves you

[@aquicandaquak822]

Yo I'm not religious but you should be after this event because every God saved you at once

[@robertortiz-wilson1588]

Oh my….

[@EGLEWRRR]

I nearly died a few times as a kid, but this is the story that sticks in my mind the most: I can't remember how old I was, but I may have been 11 (I cannot remember exactly) We were holidaying on Jersey, one of the UK Channel Islands, and my dad and brother thought it would be a good idea to try kayaking. I also wanted to see what it was like, so I 'boarded' one of the kayaks we hired. However, NOBODY told me that it is a very, very, very, VERY bad idea to strap yourself into any small water vessel, be it a boat or a canoe or kayak. So, in my child brain, I did not want to fall out. So I strapped myself in. I don't know how it happened, but the kayak capsized. All I remember is blurriness, struggling to breathe, and wondering why the Hell nobody was helping me out. I remember seeing the ocean bed (this was shallow water) and all my limbs were thrashing about, trying to get free. Somehow, I managed to escape and emerged, gasping for air and furious that nobody noticed that I nearly died. My knee was bleeding where I'd scraped the stony ocean floor, and that injury formed a scar which I still have today as a reminder to never f*ck with the ocean ever again.

[@The-S-H3lf-Eater]

Wow god really, really hates you, did he need to stab you in the neck as opposed to anywhere that couldn't be lethal?

[@somebodyyouneverknew1095]

I hope the editor is appropriately compensated for the torture they endure.

[@Kevin-jb2pv]

I like how dudebro dropped a classic game grumps joke and it flew right over the editor's head XD

[@seanw1783]

They are paid in fingernail clippings

[@pipebombmailer]

they did get to say he was gay a bunch

[@Purriah]

Do you really think someone else edits these? He posts like 5 times a year.

[@spaghett5531]

@@Purriah you seen the ending?

[@daneenja2215]

I once read a book where someone had gotten "laid off" from their job. I had gotten tired of doing my chores and didn't want to do them anymore. I was in the car with my cousin, mom, and little brother, also 8 years old. I asked my mom "Mom, I wanna get laid from my chores." I still lay awake after learning what it actually means.

[@Daniel-sf2te]

😭😭😭

[@tovarischshashlikov]

oh HELL no

[@-hello6177]

fucking power move

[@TylerMarsh43]

Well at least both your arms werent broken.

[@ROMHackerz]

I remember being a kid and not knowing what "jack off" meant, but hearing the slang "jack" as a word for stealing something. Anyways one day my family's gathered around the dinner table and I go up to my aunty who's eating some chips and say to her "I'm gonna jack you off some chips". Everyone stops talking and starts laughing at me, and my mom has to tell me what that word I just said meant. I'm still embarrassed to this day

[@eyemsuperserial4693]

There will never be another internet historian, you have secured your legacy.

[@TazmilyGum]

Emplemon retrospective eminent

[@Zorro9129]

Mister Metokur comes pretty close, at least when documenting lolcows.

[@TazmilyGum]

@@Zorro9129 Whang! Too

[@AnimatorJuusoz]

Big Boss has a very similiar style as well, although he uploads quite rarely.

[@Seventeenth]

He has secured it with nord vpn.

[@athiefinthenight6894]

Lol I remember when the strongest swear word I knew was 'curse you' so when I would get mad I would just scream curse you! like a witch.

[@gingermcgingin4106]

TBF some random little kid screaming "CURSE YOU" would be pretty scary. One of the many things that the horror genre taught me is that if either the really young or really old start invoking things, shit's about to hit the fan.

[@renard6012]

Wow, I didn't log into KZbin expecting new things to teach to my little cousin.

[@JohnSkao]

CURSE YOU PERRY THE PLATYPUS!!!

[@EsteemedReptile]

Curse-ye-ha-me-HAAAAA!

[@The-S-H3lf-Eater]

All your labor shall be in vain!

[@bridgetkv]

When my little brother was learning to talk, he was really into construction vehicles. His favorites were “dump truck” and “digger,” and he yelled them frequently and with great enthusiasm. Unfortunately, a toddler’s pronunciations are not super accurate, so it sounded like he was yelling “dumb fuck” and… another word… in line at Payless Shoe Source.

[@ConnorwithanO]

I did that too. Except I yelled it out of the car at a bunch of black construction workers.

[@karlaloompa]

@@ConnorwithanO same but they always seem to get upset for some reason and when ever I try to explain this to my wife she always says things such as "get out" and "We don't want you here". Honestly its getting on my nerves how pre-judgmental she can be 😮‍💨

[@Cneq]

I called a black nurse a n[word] at age 5 but only knew that n[word] was a bad word but only found it was about someone's skin colour years later lmao

[@JK-gm6kk]

My parents never told me about the n word thing when I was a kid, but they also likely did not know that it was on a bunch of cd's I was listening to (showing my age a bit, but who cares). Well one day I was singing along in front of the baby sitter and I still remember the look on her face. Then we had "the talk"

[@asddsa8203]

Must've been great knowing your kid brother was based.

[@creator2909]

Editor, if you’re seeing this, I must thank you for bringing us another IH video, and I know that every second in this video is at least 10 minutes of pain. Thank you for your service

[@superfeel1275]

Pretty sure it's mostly himself that does it

[@johnmorrell3187]

@@superfeel1275 On this channel IH does almost no editing at all, that's part of the purpose of it. Get stuff out faster while IH is editing main channel videos.

[@yorneustein7851]

The Editor is paranormal entity which needs to be thanked on a semi regular basis

[@BodywiseMustard]

Hiring someone else as your editor is fucking stupid

[@dertythegrower]

I do concur, the man is a digital saint and lord of video documentation of culture

[@Kevin-jb2pv]

The worst part about the texting story is that this was back when a lot of cell plans still had per-message fees for _receiving_ text messages as well as sending. Edit: there seems to be some confusion. This was how many monthly cell phone plans in the US worked, and I believe it was a holdover from the days when SMS was a _pager_ thing. The time period I'm thinking of was from whenever pagers started to be a thing up until the late 00's, at which point I know lots of people still had these plans in the US even if the companies weren't offering them as new plans. It was also the kind of thing that were a part of a lot of cell plans that many people didn't actually know about until the first time they went over their monthly amount and got slapped with an insane bill. So this might have been in one of your cell plans and you just never knew it. I also know that back in the day there were people who would seriously fuck someone else over by sending them an obscene amount of texts via email or a chat client that would talk to SMS to cost then a lot of money or at least max out their plan so they couldn't receive anymore for the rest of the month.

[@Doug-89]

I assume this was Australia, which I'm fairly sure didn't have that. It always weirds me out when I hear that about texting in the US.

[@asher3262]

@@Doug-89 yeah Australian had little SIM cards for the phones that you would top up. Each call and text would use a bit of that pre paid credit. Shit was torture

[@mcfireballs3491]

My first phone was a MDA compact with windows. Used to use MSN messenger all the time, back then there where no internet data packs. I paid about €300 a month 😂 that was stupid

[@FIRSTNAMELASTNAME-zt4kf]

(They had it in the U.S. to) Boy that gimmick was a crock of shit.

[@griffin1366]

Australian here. I was stoked to have "50 free texts per month" before having to pay for them.. Trying to play WarCraft 3 online and the phone ringing, cutting me off... Good old dial-up. I recall my parents getting really annoyed whenever War3 had an update as well because it would take like 10 hours to download and god knows if we had a data cap or whatever.

[@mcyeddi]

The story ManyKudos tells of him falling in the water tree hole was....honestly terrifying.

[@Asimov_]

It gave me like Stephen King vibes

[@Bloosjen]

Barry you are a real one. You should make IH look more and more disheveled every video as recompense for his sloppy work.

[@1SmokedTurkey1]

Barry is a pro

[@richardcheese4680]

1SmokedTurkey1 and professionals have standards.

[@Em-kz4yv]

I like how ManyKudos doesn’t say “my dad,” but instead just “dad,” as if he is all of our collective dad

[@yottabbb]

thats like normal in australia

[@Em-kz4yv]

@@yottabbb that’s so beautiful, thank you

[@abloodcorpse3318]

I got a friend that just says mom. What's worse is that I point it out to everyone around me, and they just don't see a problem with it.

[@Em-kz4yv]

@@abloodcorpse3318 that is even more beautiful, thank you

[@LikaLaruku]

The secret father of all bastards.

[@grayfiresoul]

Hearing the mention of his mom approaching him with the sex topic while he was playing world of warcraft makes me feel ancient. Shows I'm constantly playing up the ages of KZbinrs in my head.

[@hcim1809]

i was 2 when world of warcraft came out now i’m in my second year of college, ojiisan

[@savagehoneybadger8800]

It was 3 years before I was born

[@draexian530]

The internet is not a kind place, Jiji. I'm a working tradesman and WoW was before my time.

[@LeggyLegends]

this hits me in the sense that, it was a really relatable story but I still assume the content creators i watch are older/adults and im a kid, then I realize im 26 and out of touch lmao

[@ZeranZeran]

Dude same "Ah, I've got 10 years until I'm there" Streamer "I'm 29" Me: "Oh.... fuck. What the hell am I doing with my life..."

[@coleharding9439]

When I was a kid (5) I went on vacation to OC MD. My mom was messing with my dad, telling him, “oh you only wear sunglasses to stare at hineys.” I thought it was the most hilarious shit I ever heard, like, in a random way. So I repeated the “joke” the next day on a train full of strangers on the shoreline. “MY DAD WEARS SUNGLASSES TO LOOK AT WOMENS HINEYS” and the stares!?? My poor dad.

[@thisiswhereidied3054]

Me, my mom, my cousin and his mom walking by a church, it was the time of the year when kids had first communion. My cousin just lists colours and things of that color for no reason and out of the blue says "Red! Red like my daddy's cock!" Passing by all the priests and nuns, God it was hilarious, to this very day I can point to the exact concrete tile he said it at in front of the church.

[@tesseract5569]

You went to Original Character Doctor of Medicine?

[@The-S-H3lf-Eater]

Hey, at least he didn't lecture you for an hour like a lot of people's parents do.

[@leeeeeeeeeeeeeviathan]

sanest thing to come from OC MD tbh

[@coleharding9439]

@@The-S-H3lf-Eater oh well hey lol I was 5 then. They didn’t start busting me beside the head with beer bottles and threaten to put me in a cage until I was 10 or 11 at most.

[@evano9867]

I hope this incognito guy makes it big eventually, he really deserves it

[@Terminator-mj5sb]

If you like this content the Internet Historian might be a good channel for you. He did this style of content before this unoriginal incognito guy stole the content style smh

[@biglad3941]

@@Terminator-mj5sb yeah but internet historian kind of forgets to upload so we’re left with no other choice

[@THE_EVIL_MONSTER]

oh i hope he collabs with internet historian, theyd make a great team

[@peterclarke7240]

Who? 🤔

[@DARTHBRIXLEGO]

@@THE_EVIL_MONSTER we can only hope, but I doubt it will happen.

[@Zorro9129]

This was a surprisingly relaxed and charming video. I especially liked the electrocution story.

[@koenvandamme6901]

Adding a kid being electrocuted to *anything* automatically makes it better. Just look at Jurassic Park!

[@oddlem]

I misread that as execution story

[@praneilmukkamala4538]

@@oddlem Really no difference in a way

[@mortson978]

Electrocution is a portmanteau of electric and execution. If you get electrocuted, you're dead. If you're not dead, you've never been electrocuted. Knowledge is power.

[@WalterBurton]

Agree 100%. I had my own intersection with animal husbandry and electric fences in my youth. Not quite so dramatic. Well, in its own way, maybe more so. There was a bull. And we threw walnuts at the bull, and ran back to the safety of the fence line as fast as we could, and there were butting sheep on another part of the farm, but, whatever the case, the trick was to get through/between the two wires without getting zapped and before the bull/sheep got there. Not as much voltage, but probably more scars and latent traumatic brain injury.

[@Maxineewing7501]

Ah childhood, the time in which fears and deep rooted problems are cemented. What a nostalgic time :)

[@commentarysheep]

But with the right parents, childhood can have amazing moments or just be straight-up fire. 🔥

[@user-in1yw9ty5t]

Ah life is a relentless f exp. Just kirru my childhooduu

[@fatboy158]

@@commentarysheep I wish I had those

[@sprigganmint9291]

@@commentarysheep such parents do not exist

[@commentarysheep]

@@sprigganmint9291 What? I had (and still have) two parents who took care of me in my childhood and loved me the most in their lives. Yes, I always went with my dad to buy the milk; he never left me.

[@shanestevens5352]

My first word was actually a swear word. My grandmother had a sailors mouth and my parents would always get upset at her for swearing around me but she was unwilling to change. One day she’s sitting on our couch, drops the remote on the floor, and says “oh sh*t!” I’m sitting on the other side of the room in my dad’s laps and say the same “oh sh*t!” Needless to say my parents were rather upset with my grandmother

[@gayusschwulius8490]

Based grandma. I never understood why some people are so much against swearing in front of children in general, though. Children need to learn that swearing is context sensitive, meaning that it's generally acceptable to swear in front of your family and friends, but not in public. This general striving to avoid swears altogether seems to be a pretty uniquely American / Anglosphere problem.

[@The-S-H3lf-Eater]

Pretty rad ngl

[@narcant]

Internet Historian has the only ads on KZbin that I don't skip. Big props for making your advertisements genuinely entertaining.

[@USSBGATHOO]

Can’t skip Internet comment etiquette either

[@tyronebion342]

I’m invested in the nord mans storyline at this point

[@unoriginalhazard]

Agreed, honestly sat here listening to this video with a big grin. Good shit 👏

[@uthas]

WIRESSSSS BADDDDDD RAYCONNNNNN GOOOOOOD

[@lollybowser]

Fr on every other youtuber, even ones I like I'll just forward tap to skip but IH's ads are a masterpiece of their own

[@AmandaDavis6130]

When my brother was a toddler, my mom's cousin tried to teach him "open" and "shut". Which my brother repeated as "open" and "shit". Mom responded with "you couldn't have just taught him 'closed', could you?" Even better was the time my dad dropped something, nearly swore, but corrected himself in time to "shoot". And my brother replied "you mean 'shit' daddy, that's what you say when you drop things!"

[@chloroplast8611]

Funny

[@anti-ethniccleansing465]

When I was young, I thought that the word deaf was pronounced as death. So when someone asked me to repeat myself or they misunderstood what I said, I would be a smart alec by responding “what are you, death?” Oddly enough, I was never corrected and I just figured out myself one day that I was not saying the word right. Lol.

[@kieranmooney5804]

When I was around 3-4, I was obsessed with cars and trucks, so much so that every time we went to the supermarket, they had to buy me a new miniature Hot Wheels model. I would constantly shout from the shopping cart "I WANNA TRUCK" until they took a stop at the toy section. But there was just one problem though. For whatever reason I didn't pronounce the word "truck" with the t sound, but with an f instead. So what I would actually be shouting at the top of my lungs was "I WANNA FRUCK." People obviously thought I was trying to say something very different, and my family got a lot of awkward looks from everyone every time we went shopping.

[@anti-ethniccleansing465]

@@kieranmooney5804 Nice 👍🏻

[@DannyDevitoOffical-TrustMeBro]

When I was really small my family had a landline, and they would always answer it with “hello, this is the [our last name] residence.” Well, when I was that small, I didn’t know that “residence” was a word. The only word I knew that sounded like that was “presidents”, because America. So I always raced to answer the phone ahead of my two older siblings and when I did win out, I would greet who or whatever was on the other end by saying “hello, [_] presidents.” And no one corrected me. Eventually we moved and didn’t get a new landline, and I was not allowed to answer my parents’ smartphones, so when I did find out I said it wrong, it was too late. Not that tragic, but still funny I guess.

[@Grev333]

Closest is probably when I fell through ice on a creek and couldn't get out cause it kept breaking. Dumbest was my parents lost me in a foreign country and I jumped on a random bus.

[@simplepointstudio6210]

Great parents.

[@lievre460]

did you die?

[@thefishyeye]

I feel really embarrassed to say it took 2 years of watching to realise Internet Historian was not indeed an old man

[@AlexandeRSciswoR]

Depends on what your meaning of "old man" is.

[@thefishyeye]

@@AlexandeRSciswoR dinosaur

[@geoffreyentwistle8176]

The only reason it didn't take me THREE years is because of comments like this... XD

[@samwallaceart288]

IH's avatar is based on András Arató AKA "Hide the Pain Harold", a Hungarian guy in stock photos who has resting "I'm smiling but I want this pain to end" face.

[@ChengTeoh]

Ah, so condoms are the reason bananas aren't reproducing like they use to. 😆

[@overlookers]

based

[@Niyucuatro]

No, they are sterile. The condom just guarantee your bananas are STD free.

[@blablabla7796]

@@overlookers based on what

[@emocloset]

@@blablabla7796 your mom

[@mastershooter64]

@@blablabla7796 just based

[@hjalfi]

I remember as a small child calling someone a bugger where one of my teachers could hear me. They asked me if I knew what it meant. I said, yes, it's someone who bugs you. ...they had no response to that.

[@animeking1357]

Flawless logic.

[@Statusinator]

Isn't that exactly how americans use the word?

[@metalmayhem3622]

In 4th grade we went out for recess and it was chilly out, so I said "It's nippy out here" and my teacher said "Don't say that word", so I said "no, no, I said nippy" she told me still not to say it.

[@The_Blue_Ender]

@@metalmayhem3622 why was a 4th grade teacher's mind in the gutter 🤔

[@Rosu2022]

Oi oi bruv ya got a loischence fer 'at word?

[@freg963]

When i was about 15 there was this freak storm with crazy strong winds. When it started my stepdad was like “SHIT THE LAUNDRY” so i had to run outside and take the clothes off the clothesline, completely blinded by the wind. I was almost done when i heard this deafening CRACK and for a split second i could make out a shadow in the sky. On pure instinct i just booked it to the other side of the yard. Something grazed my head and shoulder whilst i ran. I kept running til the noise stopped. I turned around and theres a whole ass shed on my clothesline. So yeah thats the story of how I was almost decapitated by a flying shed.

[@tonyjoestar2632]

"Oh man it's getting dangerous, better worry about the clothes!" As shitty as that is not being a grown ass adult probably saved you

[@InvadeNormandy]

What is it with rebound dads and being absolute shit?

[@brittanyotto8463]

My favorite story to tell about my childhood was when I was around 10 or 12. Earlier in the year we had to get firewood. The chainsaw kicked back and almost took my Dad's right leg. He was fine but while he was in a cast and using crutches he and his friend, who lived in a trailer home in the mountains, walked down the dirt road while my sisters and I had to stay in the home. I was looking out the window down where they went and right after thinking "Maybe I should go out and hike a bit" I saw my dad trying to run across the road while being chased by a young black bear looney tunes style. I ran out the door just as he was screaming at his friend to get the gun. They ended up killing the bear and had to explain to the wildlife police that they had killed it in self defense. We ended eating the meat but it was so greasy that we had the shits for a week..... Today was his funeral and I am going to miss him.... I love you Dad. Rest in peace.

[@alexanderstewart3039]

I’m sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing the story.

[@thaliacrafts407]

Closest I came to dying as a kid started with the infallible logic: "If the ice can hold that duck, it can hold me." No. No, it could not.

[@alphamikeomega5728]

_"So, logically, if..."_ _"...she weighs the same as a duck, she's made of wood..."_ _"...and therefore?"_ _"..."_ _"A WITCH!"_

[@spongmongler6760]

@@alphamikeomega5728 so glad I'm not the only one who thought this

[@templar1701]

This is hilarious. Thanks for the laugh man :)

[@casualhavoc]

@@alphamikeomega5728 "She turned me into a newt!" "....." "I got better..."

[@ocksie]

Honestly these In The Fields are becoming my favourite videos on youtube, Many Kudos to ManyKudos IH, Editor, Sumito, Ordinary Things, Pyrocynical, and oh god have I forgot anyone else uhhh NordVPN

[@Ndragonawa]

EmpLemon did one a while back

[@Whoeverhitme]

Desinc!

[@ocksie]

@@Ndragonawa Ah yes how could I forget about the downward spiral

[@kormagogthedestroyer]

Sometimes I forget that Internet Historian isn’t a 60 year old man and is actually like 25

[@OutOfNamesToChoose]

He can't be if that phone story was true.

[@johnarbuckle2619]

More like 30

[@StrazdasLT]

@@OutOfNamesToChoose Nah. By the time he got the birds and bees talk he could just google the info, so either hes just making shit up or hes used a severely outdated phone by the time he got to uni.

[@bottomless666]

@@StrazdasLT I'm 33 yo and the first time I've ever seen an iPhone 1 was around university time. Took a while after that to get my first own smartphone, so yeah he's most likely 28 - 33 yo.

[@theinvisibleneonrainbowzeb2567]

my brain dislikes this thought. it just doesn't feel right. He should be at least 39 or something. Probably a bit less though, he seems more 'older millennial' than 'young GenX', if he's actually only 25 that bakes my head too much. Probably early 30s like others in this thread speculate.

[@thelexicon7294]

When I was 6 my grandma sent me to the store to buy bread. At the cash register I see this peach-flavored candy and decide I want one. I have the whole wallet, I'm on a power trip. Except the cashier is horribly flustered, she won't sell me any, she keeps trying to figure out if that's even what I'm saying, and she ends up calling her manager. Reader, a few years later I would realize that it wasn't candy. Those were flavored condoms. To be safe I never went into that store again.

[@Montesama314]

"The customer is always right, dammit!" *pounds fist on counter*

[@The-S-H3lf-Eater]

Why didn't she tell you they were socks or something?

[@ignis2638]

Historian starts off his whole thing on childhood about almost dying, this gotta be why he's my favorite

[@nertervern]

A warm thanks to many members of the Merchants Guild, generously funding and bankrolling these videos. You’re all truly wonderful. Have a good one.

[@blackheelsband]

hey hey people

[@somejock4396]

i understood that reference

[@unamccarthy6210]

Seth here

[@stealthtrooper7456]

Hey hey people

[@wrigglenightbug8679]

Multiple casual greetings, sentient life

[@hlw02]

I love how we go from “childhood” to “you are the worlds gayest man” to “NEARLY DYING”

[@roetemeteor]

Oh God. I actually had my phone do something similar. It was a Razr flip phone and it messaged this girl I knew again and again. It turned out the board had gotten condensation and it was repeatedly sending inputs that didn't exist. In this case, it kept sending her my phones background picture which was from Gradius, which is a space shooter. It did this 178 times before I realized something was wrong. Next day in class, she walks up to me and asks what the fuck was I doing. I show her the *new phone* I just got and didnt even get a word out before she remarked "Turn on your old phone." Which I did still have. It instantly started glitching and trying to send her pictures again but this time, no Sim card. Thankfully, she just laughed her ass off and didn't bring it up again. Amanda was a cool girl... and gayer than sunshine I learned shortly thereafter.

[@Pupsker]

That Final Fantasy summon really got me.

[@serotonin.scavenger]

Hey.... What's your favorite wiferame

[@Cord64_o7]

what was that song?

[@Laevatrien2]

@@Cord64_o7 NOX DIVINA from Final Fantasy XV

[@domenica3639]

That mini cutscene with Ifrit vs Bahamut was lit af

[@yeeyee2278]

When I was a kid I didn't like dirty coins, so my genius solution was to clean them. By swishing them around in my mouth. So one day I find a very dirty quarter and pop that bad boy in and I accidentally swallowed. But I could like still feel it in the back of my mouth but I couldn't get it so I start to panic and run upstairs to my mom and was like 'mom there's a quarter in my throat' and she was like wtf let's go to the hospital. We get there and the nurse doesn't believe it is stuck since I'm standing right there looking fine and she says it'll pass thru my system. We go to leave and I'm still like 'theres a quarter in my throat' so my mom grabbed a security guard with a metal detector wand and had him wand my throat in front of the nurse and it beeps on my throat. The nurse was like oh shit let's get an x-ray, lo and behold there's a quarter stuck vertically in my throat, they don't want to try the heimlich in case it gets turned horizontal and I start choking to death. The doctors are all talking and the main idea is to cut my throat open and pull it out. Then another doctor pulls my mom aside and is like 'i can get it out in a minute' so she takes this tube and puts it up my nose and down my throat past the quarter, she pumps a balloon at the end of the tube and starts yanking it up. I spit it out and we got burger king.

[@thathandsomedevil0828]

LEGEND!! 👏🤣

[@MAGAMAN]

"and we got burger king." I would rather still have the quarter stuck in my throat.

[@thathandsomedevil0828]

@@MAGAMAN pish posh, burger king is amazing!! 😀👍

[@ZeroSuitSnow]

YOO I DID THE SAME THING ABOUT WASHING STUFF WITH MY MOUTH I swallowed a marble and a 5 pesos coin because of that but I was a lucky dumb kid and they didn't get stuck or anything, i didn't even went to the doctor on either occasion

[@yeeyee2278]

@@ZeroSuitSnow we were both just next level kids

[@musicsheep9816]

When I was about 2 years old, I climbed a birdbath and the dish fell off and smashed me in the face, almost killing me. I want rushed to the hospital and got stitches. Apparently at any other angle, my baby brains would have been splattered across the backyard during the house party that was happening. I always think about the alternate universe where I died and my entire family and neighbors just see my corpse with brain matter strewn across the backyard.

[@brookillinplays4078]

Jesus christ

[@cloroxusthestainlessone4324]

That's fucking horrific to think about, Christ. My son fell off the trampoline (proper sized one) when he was 2 and hit the back of his head on the floor. I shit myself before he hit the ground

[@Breeze45-s4h]

That would've been hilarious

[@raymxslappedyall1891]

damn good times right?

[@sharkkebunni]

Editor is a saint, good on you for dealing with those two. Can't end the suffering but here's hoping they stop clipping nails during a recording.

[@ericevans7741]

IH videos confirmed to be 1% IH humor 99% editor talent.

[@daveogfans413]

Internet Historian has done some rigorous shonen style training for a whole year and now he's back with his new video creating power. Nobody can stop him now...

[@KenLinx]

He posted 2 videos. One on his main and one on his secondary. I wouldn’t say he’s “back.” Watch him disappear for another year.

[@68able2]

@@KenLinx he has more than just those tow

[@KenLinx]

@@68able2 What you mean?

[@saltyvgn5103]

That ending managed to be funniest and the saddest thing ever made. I salute you Barry!

[@andreaslindahl9687]

If his name is not Barry than he should edit in a giant dildo everytime the internet historian say "Barry"?

[@andrewdiedrich3097]

17:48 Girl A is a legend. Still gets you that number despite the insanity. Refuses to acknowledge what happened. Probably doesn't tell girl B given how she agreed to the date and all.

[@historicalfootnotes]

As someone who also does a bit of editing, my deepest sympathies go out to the poor editor who makes this... Mine is awful and takes forever... so the amount of effort that must go into something that actually looks good like this... I hope he's at least having fun with it lol Thanks for putting all this together 👍

[@zackhostetler5175]

God bless Editor’s soul for their continuing sacrifices

[@JBryc3]

If I remember correctly, IH made a video explaining how it's all done

[@zkme2734]

@@JBryc3 which?

[@magencrisis1682]

I had to study Cell Biology in college, and Historian and ManyKudos reacting to the ovule fertilization video is exactly how I felt during the first classes lmao. _"Who designed this???"_

[@biosavat9475]

God 🛐

[@thestormtrooperwhocanaim496]

@@biosavat9475 GOD's plan. _insert drake dancing here_

[@MrSparklytuxedocat]

No one lmao evolution is crazy

[@darkpinkgirl6684]

@@MrSparklytuxedocat oh golly thanks for ruining the joke, bud

[@Ildskalli]

And yet, we have people arguing in favor of "intelligent design" 🙄

[@tmoroney1]

My "saying bad words in front of parents accidentally" story: I had called my mother "toots" once because I though it was a cool/endearing way to refer to women. I was wrong. She made sure I knew it...

[@joshuagross3151]

Wooden spoon or sandal?

[@diemilch555]

@@joshuagross3151 it was dad's leather belt for me..

[@newphonewhodis9940]

BELT GANG

[@sparkyparky9439]

“Thanks for the choccy milk, sweet lips”

[@michaelmayne6097]

Why is toots bad. My buddy calls his 2 yr old daughter that

[@reconarmor99]

I like how as your Harold avatar has become more detailed it has only become more desheviled and tired.

[@N_Moli]

"The talk". Mom was a hair dresser and she was taking care of my hair. There is no way I can get up and walk away. Right the fuck out of nowhere, she explained to me where babies came from.

[@voidstiles431]

Lmao definitely a big brain moment.

[@thathandsomedevil0828]

Your mother is a matter strategist... 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@npknhdfrvr]

The editor who does the animation is just so talented. It’s hard to make stock images look so polished, have tons of character/~charm~ and honestly makes me cackle and in tears.

[@johnconnor2572]

Just when I thought it would never happen. I'm up at 2:48am just in time for this masterpiece while enjoying my chronic insomnia. Cheers!

[@yellowpete79]

Im sitting a few streets away from home,in my car, eating bacon chips. Need a few moments away from wife.

[@tyson211]

Insomnia keeps me up most nights too. So happy I get to watch a new video from my favorite channel, this just made my night.

[@GrimoireWar]

Who asked

[@stevecooper6578]

About to sleep And BAM New IH video

[@stevecooper6578]

@@GrimoireWar Nobody has to party pooper

[@ESL1984]

When i was a kid my dad used to swear a lot while watching soccer. He never got mad at me for repeating the swear words, he was pretty chill about it. But one day i was curious and asked him what they meant, Spanish is our native language so he made some word puns to wrongly explain to me that those words were nothing bad and things from day to day life, i was like 5 so i didn't question it. Then when i started repeating the words in front of other adults and older cousins and they asked me if I knew what those words meant i told them the things my dad told me, which were mostly humorous puns, and they started laughing, dad was around and he started laughing uncontrollably too, after that he explained to me what the words actually meant and told me I probably shouldn't say them at school or in front of people who weren't family members. Now looking back it was a pretty funny situation and nobody was offended or harmed so I'm cool with it. It's funny tho because everyone said swear words at my house so when i was older at school i didn't swear as much as my classmates, i didn't have the urge to do so but i also wasn't offended by them, guess I got it out of my system.

[@FEBRIZIOtv]

I have almost that exact electric fence story… that’s insane. I was at my cabin and some family had been raising deer so we went in the fence to pet them. The big deer locked his antlers around my 12 year old body and nudged me lovingly into the fence. I woke up on the ground. I guess you could say… I was in shock.

[@StarWarsomania]

😎 YEEEEAAAHH

[@ng.tr.s.p.1254]

damn those deers turn our tech against us

[@yewtewbstew547]

@@ng.tr.s.p.1254 Except for cars lol.

[@haka-katyt7439]

@@yewtewbstew547 nah they kill us using cars and their big bodies

[@gitman3486]

Hahahaha the deer totally did it on purpose what a dick

[@sevenproxies4255]

It's quite a shame how rarely new episodes of Nord VPN man gets released. Also, it's really annoying how it's interspersed with about half an hour of talking from this "Internet Historian" guy (whoever that is)

[@The_Andyman]

My psychiatrist: don’t worry, sideways-facing Nord-man isn’t real, he can’t hurt you Sideways-facing Nord-man: 6:21

[@hunde2430]

Sideway eyes keep reminding me of Asian people

[@big_sea]

yes

[@TheExperienceYT]

When I was 2-3ish, I almost fell out the 5th story of a hotel and had no memory of this. Only when my dad randomly brought it up did I find out I almost died one random day when I was 2.

[@TrueRiderFan]

I never had "The Talk" with my parents. I found out at age 6 when I read a book called Mommy Laid an Egg. At first I was horrified, but that only lasted an hour or so until my mind completely assembled what I had read.

[@chloroplast8611]

Oviposition

[@DaDualityofMan]

Man I have so many stories I could tell, I never got "The Talk" either but I also found out at age 6 because I found a porn channel called Spice Network, and then later I found a hentai tape in my uncle's room at my grandma's house, the start of my crippling hentai addiction, and by age 9 I started watching porn regularly and this is around the time actual pornsites like Pornhub and Xvideos were just starting, I got caught so many times, I think "The Talk" is kind of an outdated concept because there's just so many ways for a kid to find out about sex now before their early teens, I still turned out normal...I think.

[@Lizzifer7]

interesting - i asked how it all worked at age 6 and my mum read that book with me!

[@fridaynightspreadsheetfun]

@@DaDualityofMan "watching porn regularly" at NINE YEARS OLD dude???!!! thats fucked.

[@thomasfisher4833]

I think I read a book that was like a children's introduction to the concept of pregnancy when I was, I guess, about 9. I'd never really thought about "where babies come from", but this book did a masterful job of making me not ask "where babies come from" because I was like "yeah they come from pregnant women. I already know that." And I never once wondered why people get pregnant.

[@juggernut1418]

Are you gayhood

[@mrspyde]

he is the gayhood

[@ALovelyBunchOfDragonballz]

The gayest and hoodiest

[@durante-no10]

he is yasshood

[@Zorro9129]

He watches cumtown

[@meatvortexgaming7134]

He’s welcome to the gayborhood

[@jacksfacts20]

So the video of the sperm and egg joining DNA was a pretty accurate representation of how cells divide and such. those two AA battery looking things are called centrosomes, they are proteins that move to opposite ends of cells and act as a giant reel and they produce the long threads of protein you see called spindles which grab the chromosomes and pull them towards the centrosome. During the joining of the egg and sperm DNA, extra protein spindles are created to pull the sperm DNA towards the egg DNA.

[@thathandsomedevil0828]

Nice one mate, thanks for the knowledge hit! 😁👍

[@serotonin.scavenger]

this is why I'll never fuck anyone

[@val4128]

I have an university entrance exam in 2 months and one of exams is biology so the video and your explanation was very helpful haha

[@ctrlzme.6448]

I’m sitting for my national exam this year what’s the definition of mutation

[@OhHeBustin]

@Aspirin Cat impressive, very nice, let's see Paul Allen's studies

[@Jackie89000]

"So what I decided to do, was nothing." Most relatable thing you've said.

[@DetectiveMekova]

My whole sex talk consisted of my deadbeat dad calling me and asking "So son, uh... do you know what sex is?" randomly at 7PM on a Tuesday. I said "Um, yeah. I'm pretty aware of it." He went "Oh good" and we never went any further than that. Thanks daddio.

[@mustbetheSUN]

I think I got the opposite end of the thread. My mom is a gyno, plus the type of person to treat kids like little adults. I got the full, graphic, anatomically correct version. Stds and all, there were even pictures.

[@snooziii]

@@mustbetheSUN was there a demonstration as well?

[@jamesharding3459]

Sounds about the same as mine. Took a look at _the packet_ from 6th grade health class, told me not be be an idiot, and that was that.

[@terminator572]

@@mustbetheSUN damn, that's actually cool

[@mustbetheSUN]

@@snooziii lol thanks for the nightmares

[@somerandomnesspoo8467]

When I was a kid, I would play tycoon games especially zoo tycoon, I would often have an angry guest corner where I would put all the angry guests in, the idea being they can't leave with a bad review, but I never took care of the place and it would always be covered in trash and throwup or whatever and the guests would run out of money for food. Of course if they were happy again they could leave, but this never happened. If I was feeling too lazy to go to the angry guest corner I would find other means of getting rid of them, my favorite being putting them in the T-Rex pit. My mom considered sending me to therapy over this.

[@Vihara2]

videogame gulags lmao

[@xSwordLilyx]

My mom only cared that I could eat a family Chex while playing, but if she did she would be relieved that my brother made the death coasters and I made the capitalist utopia traps in RCT. Ah, yes, rain. 5 dollars for an umbrella, you betcha you cheap bastards.

[@naranciagaming]

I remember I used to watch my dad play Zoo Tycoon when I was really little and getting him to release the tigers on the guests a lot lol

[@wil.d_sage]

I loved the dinosaur zoo tycoon. I would either fence the entrance over so people couldn’t leave or create a giant pen around people and then put dino eggs in. Either way I got to watch people get chased and eaten by t-Rex and velociraptors. Those were the days

[@Shinkajo]

I don't believe you

[@nicks8505]

I was expelled from summer camp for calling another kid "pimpin'" after seeing an episode of a certain highly acclaimed television series hosted by Xzibit. My mom was furious, but joke's on all of them- I spent the remainder of the summer at home watching Pimp My Ride.

[@disruptiveimagination8166]

What kind of whack-ass summer camp expels you for this word out of all the others ?

[@rouge-ish324]

Really?? For saying "pimpin"?

[@lakeofkayge]

the award ceremony bit is too damn brilliant. you gotta appreciate some high tier improv moments like that.

[@timetravelingshark8811]

When I was ten I heard the word "Dildo" and assumed it was the name of the dude from the Hobbit because they sounded very similar and had only heard his real name, Bilbo, in passing so I didn't remember it well. One day I mentioned "Dildo" to my mother, who proceeded to look at me as if she didn't know wether to be aghast or burst out in mad laughter, and just told me to not say that word again. I was very very confused and had no idea why my mom seemed to have such a grudge towards the little hobbit man.

[@henrikhubert4202]

im crying bro

[@branestron9521]

@@henrikhubert4202 weak baby boy

[@petermuller608]

The little hobbit man is quite a great product name for a dildo xD

[@Beetil]

I had a similar experience but I brought it up at a family gathering while they were talking about LOTR and everyone looked at me in horror when I said Dildo Baggins

[@warsofstars]

I also said Dildo Baggins instead of Bilbo in front of my sister and cousins when i was 11💀

[@SonicHaXD]

Internet Historian is making me want to watch ads. It's amazing XD

[@Cappytain101]

Agreed Reptile Lover!

[@lewiscopland4568]

"I can't wait for this KZbin ad to finish so that I can watch Internet Historian's ad" - something I genuinely just thought

[@AxxLAfriku]

Don't talk to me! I am famous! Don't dislike my good good GOOD videos! Don't talk to me, dear won

[@alfa_kenny_body]

It's the thumbnails for me

[@peeron6829]

@@lewiscopland4568 youtube got adds?

[@DadShark]

Internet historian was never a child, he was the one making history after all

[@SerTomKatze]

To be a child, one must be born, not created from chaos and the stars

[@therealeikichionizuka]

Historian’s story of falling off a cliff reminds me of the time my “friend” kicked me in the shin with leather boots, cause me to fall and (I believe) give me a concussion. I just remember standing, then on the ground. So I get up, then five minutes later I start sobbing uncontrollably, so I guess I had the shock thing happen to me.

[@thejesuschrist]

1:19 you're welcome

[@Hearthian]

Didn't expect to see you here - hi!

[@technoimperialist9509]

Sup JC

[@plasma_spy-c]

How are you not pinned already

[@agcz789]

How tf are you verified as Jesus

[@aspiringscreenwriter8068]

Just imagine if IH didn't survive either of his two accidents... we would've never gotten _Our Flag Means Death_ 😣

@@Keque That series is based on Bonnet's life, just like IH's "The Gentleman Pirate"

[@raviolimavioli]

There's another universe where IH didn't survive the fall

[@Nightmare_52]

my moms phone had that exact quirk, she told me a story from when she was out driving and dropped it under the seat without knowing it, one of the items from the backseat also fell down and landed on the button hard enough to press it down so all the way from her workplace (cutting fish for storage with lots of dangerous machines) which she just left and is now traveling home, the phone kept sending messages to her father which was on the top of the list, he thought something serious must have happened and was mortified for around 30 minutes before she eventually arrived home

[@Nightmare_52]

after searching the car for her phone and demonstrating what happened yes

[@KamesJerr]

Kudos story reminded me of when I was having swimming lessons with my school and we had to do laps in the diving pool. I was shit scared of it because it was so deep but I made it around and I was just about to grab the ladder to climb out but some little shit undertook me and knocked me into the middle of the pool. I stared panicking thinking I was going to sink to the bottom of the pool and I looked up to the lifeguards stand and he was talking to one of the teaching assistants, completely oblivious to me nearly drowning. I didn’t end up drowning (obviously) but that really freaked me out.

[@purplehaze2358]

"What's the closest you've come to dying?" "I fell off a cliff!" Boy, that escalated quickly.

[@kakyoinnoriaki3124]

Ah yes, the corner stone of every childhood. _Nearly dying_ Funnily enough, I actually had a similar experience to Kudos. When I was about 5, my dad was digging this large pit he was going to use for compost. And of course, eventually it rained. And my dumb ass brain wanted to use the pit to play with my boats. So that’s what I did, and of course I fell in, and thrashed around a bit before I yanked myself out.

[@allenholloway5109]

My parents didn't really give me the "talk" in one go. They just never, ever said to me "I'll tell you when you're older". If I asked how babies were made when I was four, I got a clinical description, including how hormones worked. So by the time I actually needed the talk, I already had all the information I needed, and I didn't have to be embarrassed because there was no emotional reason to be embarrassed when I first asked about it. Honestly living in a household with two medical-oriented people (my grandmother and mother) was great. I learned first aid at, like, five years old, too, which was nice.

[@phillipjohn4800]

My parents never gave me the talk, i kinda just learned it from online resources, and my school never taught it either

[@rooksclown316]

@@phillipjohn4800 same

[@jacob9673]

@@arunkeshavadas7171 oh wow, having doctors explain science to you is a “liberal fantasy.” Interesting. So sperm is also fake news to republicans too?

[@no-pajamapanda8548]

I'm glad you posted this. I'm from a medical family but they were weird in the 90s about sex ed for some reason. (I learned all about it outside my home) So when I had my own kid, I made a vow to not hide anything from them. When they happened to walk in on me changing my pad one day, they asked about it and I explained the medical reason. She's 5 and knows my cycle better than I do! I just hope she grows up like you and doesn't feel I let her down by just being openly honest when she asks questions.

[@no-pajamapanda8548]

@@arunkeshavadas7171 Much like the fantasy where people pretend not explaining the basic functions of a living creature is somehow going to prevent their kids from making mistakes or keep them pure/safe? Methinks you protest too much.

[@SukacitaYeremia]

2:03 Soldiers in field medical attention that got shot during a battle: "Give me a cigarette." Internet Historian: "Can we just go get an ice cream?"

[@Thelemonoid]

i just realized how long he's had his nord sponsor, at this point he can and does do anything he wants with it

[@Tony0311]

I asked my dad at the dinner table in front of the whole family what a vagina was cuz I had heard it in the cable guy movie I think. I got sent to my room lol… still trying to figure it out

[@spookypooky1362]

Cable Guy taught me the insult "jerk off" as in "Your such a jerk off" and I thought it was just like calling someone a jerk with some added spice??? So I said it to my dad playfully, along the lines of "Don't be a jerk off dad"! and he full on slapped me across the face. Not fun but at least I'm not the only one Cable Guy got in trouble!😅

[@kaiawase]

The portrayal of their parents in these videos never fails to amuse me. I never thought something so simple could be so fucking effective.

[@SpadesNeil]

I felt so bad for you when you said you started crying a few minutes later. Like if that happened to a friend of mine I'd just offer to hug it out. I know what it's like to be that shook.

[@thepencil448]

When I was a kid I was really into Bakugan. One of the characters name is "Naga" and it's a big dragon creature. I thought that that creature had a really cool name so when going into school I was saying it bunch of times to myself for some reason like "naganaganaganaga". Imagine my teachers shock when she walks into the cubby room to see a little elementary student repeating what she thinks is the n-word over and over to himself.

[@RedGenesectNinja]

One time for Easter, my parents put Bakugan and gummy worms inside the eggs

[@TheEnabledDisabled]

Bakugan was the best stuff

[@TheEnabledDisabled]

@@RedGenesectNinja Each bakugan back in the 2010s costed 149 (Swedish Crona), what did they do with the cards?

[@NagaGaming76]

Damn

[@HerohammerStudios]

naganaganaganaga is oddly satisfying to say

[@Arcademan09]

One time I fell asleep on a water tube on a beach shore and I woke up in the middle of the water, fell off, then woke up on the shore line. No one noticed where I was. To this day I'm scared shitless of deep ocean water, I can't even drive over a water bridge without getting worried

[@alxleiva]

I'm trying to calculate IH's age. -So the fact that he was walking around and falling off cliffs with no adults around The Goonies style means that his childhood was 70-80's. -Going to Uni while having a brick Nokia phone means early to mid 2000's. After running a few numbers on a napkin I can assure you that the Internet Historian is approximately: 37 years old.

[@sibanbgd100]

Falling of a cliff is extinct since the 90s confirmed

[@TrainsTer-91]

No one ever fell off a cliff after 1981

[@exquisitecorpse__]

Its a shame that Cliffs went extinct before I ever got a chance to throw myself off of one.

[@sibanbgd100]

@@exquisitecorpse__ nah, nah, cliffs are still there, you just can't fall of one

[@gabe-a-ghoul691]

@@sibanbgd100 I know we’re joking here, but someone I knew from high school (graduated about 3 years ago) fell off a cliff while on a hiking trip recently. Did not survive. Cliffs are scary af